Tuesday 24th March 2015
Bad night, took me ages to get off, then it was filled with the most unsavoury night of dreams I’ve ever had.
When I woke I found myself grabbing me pen and notepad and writing away making scribbling down bits of the nightmares – it was as if someone else was doing it and I was just watching the pen etch the jumbles words. I felt young again for a while as I read these notes later.
WC’d took my medications… and then make a cuppa – got the laptop going and deciphered my scrawl to record here.
My first thought was the end must be nigh and I’m being given the tip-off.
So many of my indiscretions, mistakes, humiliations, frustrations and failures seemed to have been in the nightmares. Some I couldn’t bring my myself to mention here due to the embarrassment. Many I had actually forgotten about and was coy about even thinking of them again. It was as if someone had selected all the worst parts of my life and made a movie about them.
My mistakes and failures with the girls, misjudgements at work and school even detailed painful memories of certain incidents seemed very clear, in fact clearer that they were at the time they occurred!
These regurgitated memories actually took my mind off the ailments until I visited the porcelain for the second time and the pain reminded me, then of course all the other things started to get noticed, Arthur Itis, Anne Gyna etc. Then things seemed to come come into perspective again – and I was old again, in pain and unhappy.
I wrote these bits down quickly and do not want to change them as they seemed to come from someone else? I hope you can understand them and how the nightmares made me feel – uncomfortable perhaps being the best description.
Reading them back now – they do not say anything concrete to me, but it felt like it to me, they just highlighted the worst parts of my life.
Immediately after typing in this bit of the diary, the sneezing started and seems set to stay with my, and it is painful for me torn muscle every time I cough or sneeze – what’s going on I asked myself? No answer yet.
I took the card out and found this photograph – it’s dated for .yesterday on it – but can I remember taking it?
I assume I took it to show the sky and it’s gloomy foreboding?
Still a mite ‘not-myself”, I did a bit of Facebooking.
Well, she ignored me a lot less than she usually does.
BJ gave me a lift to Asda afterwards.
After we did out shopping, the hail came down for about 10 seconds then stopped?
BJ ran me home and lifted me bags to the step for me. He’s not too good himself today, horrible painful cough.
After putting me things away I decided I would go for a walk again and poddled across to Nottingham Road and down the hill into Basford and back via Hucknall Road – a nice round route taking in a few hills to test and help keep me knees working.
The clouds kept changing from white to grey with great rapidity as I trudged on across Hucknall Road through to Nottingham Road, then the easy bit all the way down the hill aiming to turn off at Sainsburys and work me way back by another route.
But I remembered there was a new Aldi store opened next to Sainsburys (I didn’t really remember, I saw the Aldi sign hehe).
The sky produced some more hail stones as I approached the entrance, but again only for a few seconds?
Odd weather this today.
The store was not very busy.
The sky still kept changing from bright to glum every few minutes.
So, loaded with a bit of stuff in me bag, I started to walk back up the gradual gradient, gradually getting slower as I did, back towards the flea pit.
The sky again ominously dark and threatening.
Bit of a dizzy at this point, but it no bother, only lasted seconds then cleared up?
Onward, passing the roadworks and cafe where the stabbing took place last month, passing the repossessed furniture business shop I plodded on down the hill to the Hucknall Road junctions and turned right up the hill into Carrington.
As I did the sky brightened for a while.
To the top of the steeper than expected hill, knees a-hurting, Anne Gyna a-stinging and regretting thinking this walk in the hills was not such a good idea after all. Hehe!
I got in the flea-pit exhausted.
I didn’t even put me washing away, made some nosh and a cuppa put the laptop on and fell asleep!
Woke up 1830hrs and took me medications with some of me Trederwen Lemon and Lime Spring Water. (I mention this in detail in the hopes that Messrs Trederwen will read this Diary blog and send me some financial incentive to continue mentioning their wonderful product…)
Managed to get this diary finshed and posted.
Getting tired and weary again now…