Inchcock Today: 2022 Cometh

2022 Cometh

No one asked it, too – but it came all the same!

Friday 31 December 2021

Inchcock’s computer was doing odd things again,
Inchie knows it is doomed; he feels the pain,
Still, he’s got his other worries, Morphine and Lidocaine,
Everything nowadays confuses him; facts are so hard to retain!
His efforts to improve his memory have all been in vain,
But Inchies determination to survive remains unslain,
Then he stubbed his toe, lost his key, then a tumble again!

He set about making an imitation dinner…
Perseverant, dedicated to making this one tastier!
After a few meal failures lately, he’s getting jitterier…
Confidence gone, he tried, but this meal was crappier…
His language, as he turned into a self-hater…
He should have stuck with sausage and mashed potato!
Boy did he swear, spit, as his self-loathing went nuclear!
A good job that no one else was in the area!
Then pains from Duodenal Donald did appear…
The old codger is not having much luck, I fear!.

Depressed with himself now, he got his camera,
His mind wandered… thinking of his meal… beefburger?
“I fell asleep and missed the fireworks, silly bugger!”
As he saw the sky, he thought of being an astrologer,
Realising his eyesight, with so many a disorder…
Cataract Katey, Glaucoma Gloria, and Saccades Sandra,
He’ll see nowt, and the telescope he couldn’t manoeuvre…
His pre-2022 brain and thoughts were even unclearer…

Inchcock got into his overwhelmingly sickeningly…
Beige, second-hand, £300, c1968, uncomfortable, recliner,
Nodded off, woke up in the kitchen – how? Somnambulistically,
Dropped off again, woke at 00:10hrs, not very jocularly…
He’s missed photoing the fireworks – he blames his dementia!
But he still got his camera, and onto the balcony, he did venture…

2022 Had Arrived!

He whipped back the cover where he was reclined,
And mottled legs, and glowing ulcer he did find!
But, no time for medicating now; his leg he disentwined…
Got his fully charged camera, all realigned…
Took two photographs, not too badly defined!

Kettle on, and off he went to the Porcelain Throne,
After half an hour, I had to check on him (Alto-Ego) all alone…
I heard no screams, not even a moan!
I floated into the Porcelain Throne…
He sat there glum-faced, scratching his thigh bone…,

Into his crosswording… He said, “Nowts moved, Alto”,
“Rock solid, burrit won’t move, though!
“Have yer given the Diapharm capsules a go?”
“One yesterday, one today! No, it was two today!”
As I laughed and left, I thought I heard him pray!

Inchcock Leaves The Wet Room!

Forty minutes after going into the Porcelain Throne,
He came out wearily, in pain, and took a Ziprasidone,
He seemed fed-up, looking drawn and on his own…
His usual contentment seems to have been blown…
He started rubbing on his cheekbone…
Oh, dearie, he’s got toothache; but he doesn’t moan,
Just stands there, fascinated, looking out at a drone!

Health Checks Time

Well, the BP SYS is a little high,
As is the Pulse, he wonders why?

Temperature is at 34.2°centigrade, not too high,
He’s unconcerned, and I think I know why…
He’s been in the fridge, reading instructions on his beef pie!
Then checked the cooking times on his chips… Oh, my!
Then went on CorelDraw, to make a graph, that’s why!

I heard him talking from the other room; he was going at it,
He does a lot of chinwagging to himself…
But I’m not worried about his mental health a bit,
Although his finances are losing wealth…
He was happily talking to his pet, Rabbit Rupert…
All the others as well, he did look a little hurt…
When I called his brown bear, Burt…
He grabbed me by the shirt…
Even though he’s only a little squirt…
And I always thought he was an introvert?

I soon discovered why he was being so short with me,
His favourite nurse did not arrive…
I laughed; he threatened to kick me in the knee!
But Arthur Itis and Dizzy Dennis made him fall over, you see,
I’ve never seen him so active…
Till he tumbled over, now he’s definitely inactive…
But he did get back up; it took him a long time to rise…
I laughed at him again. He was very reactive…
To the point of being so argumentative…
I told him, I’m not real, you do realise?
That’s why kicking me was very unwise!.

Inchie sulked a while, took some more painkillers, and skulked off to prepare a meal. I’m worried about him…


TTFNski, all!

♥ Have a betterer 2022 year! ♥

21 thoughts on “Inchcock Today: 2022 Cometh

  1. Starting off the new year right. Happy New Year. May you reign on your throne with great success in 2022.

    • Hoever did you know, Tim? I’ve had two Throne visits this morning – rock-solid! About to tackle a third try. (Hehe!)
      Bestest of luck for 2022, to all, ♥

  2. Well, for all the losses, you still have the talent to put it all down for us to marvel at, Gerry! One can hope all will pass for 2022. Personally, mine passes too soon this new day, but (no pun intended) one is just happy to be passing at all: It means one is still above the dirt!

  3. I noted some first-class knolling techniques on the nosh serving tray.

    You can do the same techniques on arranging tools, pens and pencils, hard green peas, etc. No ends to what one can achieve success this way, but if one of the ruffians I’ve seen described on these chronicles tells you that he would like to rearange your face, demur.
    So far, it appears that 2022 already has a slot for Sundays, I need to obtain 100,000 signees who want Sunday to be abolished. It is really quite a simple matter, just take 3.69 hours from the remaining 6 days and cut out the Sunday columns. Fait accompli, n’est pas?
    I like how you have convincingly drawn a clean and clear comparison between 2021 and 2022. Brilliant, wish I’d thought to do that, and now it is too late in the day to start, methinks. Well, still 364 days to make a chart until 2023 barges in.
    The new occupants of 72 seem to be settling in well, they are looking hale, hearty, and in the pink. Well done then.
    Alto Ego seems not to have changed at all in this bright, wonderful, clean, prospect-laden year of 2022 C.E. Unfortunately, Alto Ego has not improved a smidgeon. Wot to do? Wait until 2023?

    Wishing yer a Happy 2023, just a few days in advance, yer see doncha know?

    • Well, as you know numbers confise me nowadays, but the abolishion,, no, abolition of Sundays gets me vote, Billum. Hehe!
      Some of the Carers, love my new pets. One caught me talking to Long Eared Rabbit Rupert. Of course some of them, I imtroduce to the pet display, and I gey a ‘Yea!’ or ‘A grunt’ and odd look, in reply.
      I’m still waiting for the Carer (Meridian) woman to collect the books to send for you Squire Billum. (Holidays?) I shall do so as soon as she gets the packing for me, Sire. Tsk!
      Keepeth safe all, and what are the furries names?
      TTFNski! ♥

      • So far, 100% of the people I have queried (2) are fully in support of the abolition. Multiplying by the number 3.69 should be easy enough for anyone. Google can calculate too.
        Some people are a tad too serious about such marvelous companions, but that is certainly not our problem.
        I am fortunate that Carer Meridian has volunteered to help with getting the books off to me, I am champing at the bit, but now I wonder why I put that danged bit in my mouth. Now that kind of silly stuff may be across the line for the likes of mir.
        Our current list of furries:
        Elm Sticks (nickname Stickers)
        Nibbles (Nibs)
        Fozzy, the furriest of the lot with very long fur indeed.
        I need to write down all the furries we have rescued in this house alone. A long list.

        TTFNski! ja auch an die Einwohner von 72 ♥

      • (Depressionalistical Gloom): Bit of bad news with Meridian, this morning, Billum… Richard came to visit: They are no longer going to make phone calls for me – “He (me) is responsible for appointent making, and correcting!” So, having hear nothing from boss Natalie, since her wonderful offer to get the packaging for me… I’m in the lurch now, not knowing if she is to help or not? Conflict is brewing within, something I hate, but EQ tells me to expect it! Not feeling very perky now at all.
        Just rang Meridian, can’t hear the message on the line, gave up.
        Getting uptight now with not being informed… oh, dear, Duodenal Donald’s kicking off now.
        Nowt goes right for me! It’s bad enough being handicapped and not doing things for myself… having to beg others to help, but when they say yes with a smile then do nothing, it hurts a bit. Hurts is not the word. Confused, got to sort out what’s happenng, or not happening, then get help from somewhere else to make it happen… I think.
        I’ve had to make 11 corrections so far in writing the above… I’m waffling again – sorry, Billum.
        I’ve got a family to look after now, yo know as well. Hahaha!
        I’ll let them all know, mate.

      • Not to worry, mon ami. I am very adept at finding books of all sorts on the interwebs. You are prone enough to carrying loads of thoughts, including winter thought storms that are not of your making or design. For me , the fun is in the search and the discovery. Also, Lisa is keeping me busy with matters of being a famous royal personage. Well, someone has to do it and it is important work.
        And, as you note, there is that family to look after. They value your time, Sir!

      • Ayup, Billum. I now realise that today was a bank holiday in the UK. So, no post office open, which eases my worries. The bok it if public transport river the years, Trams, Trolleybuses and buses. I thought Alan might like that as well.
        Your caring for HRH Lisa, is I think, a Love-Chore? Well doneth Sir! ♥
        Oh, the little booklet inside the big book, I think will be the one to capture your and HRH’s attentions mostest. An updated version. I shall say no more. Hehe!
        Did you enjoy the little getaway, or have I got it wrong again?
        My little animals are treasures, and they have not argued with me once! Bless em all! (But Long Eared Rabbit has taken myu fancy, and gets cleaned first each time. Haha!
        Please than HRH againeth for me, Sire.
        Today, the neuropathy shakes have not been bad at all – not a single tumble, and I have walked into… Nothing all day!!! Even the shave was bloodless! ‘Smug-Mode-Adopted!
        Thanks Bill and Lisa, oh, and Alan andFozzy, Nubble, Stickers! ♥

      • Bankers like their holidays and they enjoys paying nearly nil in interest, no matter how large the account — may as well be fake farthings that they dish out for us proles. Aside from the furries, Lisa is the only member of true royalty here at the manor.
        We’ll just have to wait for a surprise on the booklet within a book. We looks forwards to having our attentions captured.
        Good that the treasured animals are behaving proper and complaining not an iota. Long-eared is a lucky one to receive extra attention, not as if the others are being dealth with harshly. Maybe they will find a hardened old pea during their travels about 72.
        2022 has started with in regard to the neuropathic shakes and tumbles. Not even a shave — reminds me that I’ve yet to shave yet today. I must attend to that directly, Sir!
        Lisa, Alan, Fozzie, Nibble, and Sticks send their kindest regards and good wishes for the present and continuing year of 22. 🙂

      • Many smiles broke out reading that, Sir, I fank you!
        I’ve just finished my morning natter with the family, pink pussy was fussy this Friday… no it’s not… Tuesday.
        Your kind use of 22, for some reason I thought of 22 Sunset Strip, with Cookie, realised ot as 77 afterwards. Tsk!
        All the bestest of good fortune to the clan. ♥

      • A small servo motor might be controlled by human speech to make chin-wagging sessions possible. The current dearth of computer chips might slow deliveries of chin-wagging components. Pink Pussy might be more realistically fussy, the chips designed for this action moment (s) are probably high-demand items. Another good reason to get the panda -enema controlled for the most-affected populations. I’ll give Tony Fauci a ring later today and report back to yer, Sir!

      • Oh, Chinwagging is has not been popular with the carers lately. Julie called tonight, even she had to rush away, but bless her she did look after me nicely ♥ first. Two carers off work again, so the few who do come, have it all on to get the job done. I yhink I’ve lost the plot here?
        I believe Mr Fauci, cam foresee betterer than our Sir Patrick Vallance FRS FMedSci FRCP, Professor Chris Whitty CB FMedSci, Professor Rebecca Allen (None), Dr Marc Baguelin: Recipient of grant funding MRC – Recipient of grant funding UKRI – Recipient of grant funding NIHR – Recipient of grant funding Wellcome Trust, Professor Sir Ian Boyd FRSE: Professor in Biology, University of St Andrews 
        Chairman, UK Research Integrity Office – Trustee, National Oceanography Centre -
        Non-executive Director, Fera Science Limited – Chairman, Science Advisory Board, INSITE (Oil and Gas UK) and Natural Environment Research Council (NERC) Advisory Board on Offshore Decommissioning … ot any of the other eighteen chief advisors. What doe recipient mean in this context, Billum?
        Chairman of Steering Committee, Natural Environment Research Council Sustainable Management of Marine Ecosystems Research Programme 
        Member of Steering Group, Royal Society Living Landscapes Programme 
        Member and Fellow, Royal Society Science Policy Advisory Group 
        Member of Steering Committee, Royal Society Biodiversity Programme 
        Member and Fellow, Royal Academy of Engineer End of Life Advisory GP 
        Member of Steering Group, Biotechnology and Biological Sciences Research Council and Innovate UK Transforming Food Production  
        Contributor, International Network of Government Science Advisers (INGSA) 
        Sustainability Board Chair, University of St Andrews 
        Trustee, Campaign for Science and Engineering 
        Trustee, Hebridean Trust 
        Fellow, Royal Society of Edinburgh 
        Fellow, Royal Society of Biology 
        President-elect, Royal Society of Biology 
        Fellow, Royal Society
        Member, Livestock, Environment and People Research Programme, University of Oxford 
        Member, Royal Society of Edinburgh Commission on Post COVID-19 Futures 
        Adviser, Ocado Ltd

      • Wowser dowser, that is an A4-sized business card, innit? I think that recipient — in this context — means “receiver of stolen funds.” Hahaha!

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