Month: March 2022

Inchcock’s Wednesday Witterings: 2nd March 2020

Welcome to my banal, funny, heartbreaking…
Pathetic, uneducated, dementia-driven rambling,
Inchcock Today… or Waffling Wednesdays Wittering,
After reading, you’ll sleep; no need for chloroforming…
In fact, you’ll be asleep before the end, I’m assuming…
This blog might be popular, by the end of global warming,
I’ve lost one of my three readers; he was from Wyoming…
It’s only my ailments and self that I can be blaming,
I make so many mistakes, some of them alarming!
I just want to make folks smile, do no harming…
But Vascular Dementia Doreen mucks me up… Charming!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I woke up and checked on the time, 0:400hrs. I wondered whether I needed the Porcelain thrown or not, mild rumblings from the innards: and nodded off again.

I didn’t wake until almost 07:00hrs. Panic Stations! At least the Carer had not arrived unless it’s one of those who do not press the chimer? The Thought-Storms rages as I fumbled and bumbled my way free of the £300, second-hand bought, c1968, nauseously beige-coloured, not-working, rusty, rickety, crumb-holder of a recliner.

I got to the wet room, despite Cartilage Cathy’s determination to have me over, and plonked my bottom on the plastic seat. Although this session was not so hard to force out, it started in slow-motion but kept on all the way through today. But I swear it was more painful than the last two days’ dolloping’s. On the bright side, it was over a lot quicker, and only a few specs of Haemorrhoid Harolds’ blood were lost.

While cleaning up and sorting things out, it came to me; it’s Richard this morning, so there is no need to panic and rush. Bless his cotton socks! He now comes to me last each morning or night, so we can have a natter.

I made up some waste bags and noticed how hazy and misty it looked outside. I thought, ‘I know, I’ll take three photos, left, centre and right, and try to get them in line on CorelDraw to make a header. Which I did, not too bad an effort, considering Shuddering Shoulder  Shirley and Peripheral Neuropathy Pete were giving me the jerks so regularly. Tsk!

I got on the computer, and this is the result: I used these to make todays’ header out of.

Carer Richard arrived as I threw away the mug of tea I had made earlier and left it in the kitchen. So, I made us both a fresh brew. Poor Richard looked well-drained. I tried to cheer him up; he was tired out and ready for bed (his!). But he still stayed a while, and we had a natter and laugh, an essential part of retaining ones’ sanity… if it’s not too late. Hehehe!

After Richard had gone, I went onto the balcony to take this photo of the end car park. The fog turned to mist later, but it stayed all day. Damned Pucking Putin! I bet the poor Ukrainians would like to have this as their morning worry.

As turned to go back into the flatlet, Oh, dear! I spotted the state of the ceiling near the doorway. It seemed to be a smidgeon more damaged than it was last week? Well, more holes!

Today, I used the other BP machine, the Chinese (Hong Kong), made by Shenzhen Relee Electronic & Technology Co. Ltd™, contactless thermometer. Just look at the near-perfect results! Above the deadline of 35°c for the first time for ages and yonks! The body temperature was the highest it’s been for weeks. Physically, fair. But mentally, and memory, well, not so good!

The hearing is a lot worse today. I think the earholes are blocked with wax again. I keep using the olive oil, to no avail. I even tried syringing them, no better.

I got on the computer again. Peripheral Pete’s neurotransmitters were frequently failing, and I had a few involuntary Hitler salutes, and Cathy Cartilage’s knee has been, is, and did give my hassle all day and night. But I mustn’t moan, it could be worse, and I might have been a Ukrainian, poor devils.

Cleaner Esther came in, spoke all the time she was going from room to room, brought the mop and bucket she’s bought for me, and as she left I caught something she said; Byeee! The ears really are bad now. Even the hearing aids make very little difference. She returned to mop the kitchenette for me. After she’d done that, she told me not to go into the kitchen until the floor had dried, so I didn’t.

I worked on the computer, it was so slow. I’m going to have to stop, I think. I keep saying that, but ith the eyes getting worse, now the ears, and Peripheral Neuropathy Pete giving me scares, losing the plot thanks to Dementia Doreen and the stroke. Can’t walk properly, think properly, memory blanks, Bladder and bowel problems, and mobility handicaps… But so you know? I’m not bothered; I’m more worried about the computer difficulties than my physical and mental ones!

Are the Hemp tablets I’m taking to get more sleep and are working fine; are they affecting me in other ways? Deep their from me? Haha!.

The contemptuous, hoity-toity, holier-than-thou, snobbish, haughty, condescending, disdainful Gentleman in the flat above has been at it with the banging, rattling and tap-tapping, on and off all day, into the night. And I can still hear him with no hearing aids and the lug-holes full of wax. But I’ll say owt, cause the management love him, he’s rich and has relatives working for… No, never mind.

Of course, all the above is written in jest, fun-loving, a leg-pulling, playful way that means no harm. The sort of thing that friends do to each other to keep up their spirits, and have a two-way game of verbal tik-tac between their associates, colleagues, relatives and all humorous, quick-witted, lovers of being friendly, and avoiding being a superior snotbag, and hating the less well off. Like someone we know!

Got the blog done for yesterday and went o Facebooking, WP reader and comments. I’ve got many ‘notes’ come reminders on my notepad here – that I cannot read. That is galling!

I thought it was getting a little chilly. Decided to make a brew and off to the kitchen. I soon realised why I thought it was getting a little nippy; Esther had left the windows open, presumably to help the floor dry. Hahaha!

She’s done an excellent job cleaning the floor for me; bless her.

I advanced hobblingly into the kitchenette, and you’ll never guess what I found! Herbert wouldn’t; he’d just offer one of his usual sneers in my direction! I’d better explain so you can appreciate the fun side of this incident.

Three days ago, I realised somehow or other that one of my three mugs had done a runner. Or, as is more likely, I’d misplaced it, like my keys, mobile phone, TV remote, my glasses or hearing aids.

There in and on the sink, were now three mugs back together again? What?

And this, after Julie, Richard and Cheeky Charley (I think), had helped me search for the mug. Not crucial, I realise, but so annoying not knowing what I’d done with it. Of course, I still don’t know? After putting on my Sherlock Holmesian head, I decided the logical (Me? Logical? Hahaha!) thing is that I’d dropped it between the stove or fridge and the fitted cupboards? And Esther had found it while doing the moping up! Or not?

I started to do the graphics for this blog, and I was going along nicely under the circumstances…

FORLORNLESS!

Peripheral Pete sent the arm right across the keyboard! Which was knocked onto the floor. But not before; key combinations must have been hit at random as the hand travelled involuntarily in an easterly direction.

I have to admit to swearing and nearly crying! The computer screen and all fonts icons were massive! I think about ¼ of the CorelDraw screen was showing, the cursor covered almost all of it, what I could make of it, four letters filled the entire screen. All the menus and choice icons had disappeared. There were no minimise, reduce or close options on screen!

I spent about three hours trying to sort it out. No idea what I’d done or how to correct it! I still couldn’t access the window buttons or the close program squares… my heart and spirits sank. In amongst the Thought-Storms; “With Hitlers’ arm shooting out, the hospital told me nothing could be done about it (Peripheral; Neuropathy), no one can repair nerve-ends! “This is bound, or odds on, to happen again…Is this the time to give in?”

I had to unplug the computer and hope for the best out of desperation. As I reached for the plugs in the socket, the screen momentarily flashed… this frit me, and hastened my lunge, and I pulled out the plug. I felt it was like committing Hari-Kari!

I gave it a few mind-torturing minutes, then replugged the computer in. It started in its usual manner… Now for the scary bit, opening the internet… Everything was fine! Back to normal with the sizing? Opened CorelDraw, the iconic on there had gone back to the small ones, but all else worked? The relief was phenomenal!

Moments later, Evening Carer Valerie arrived. It was guessing time at what she said; her voice is known for its quietness. Valerie got the medications done in record time told the story of the three mugs becoming two and then three again… I got a look of credulousness; I think maybe poor Valerie was not hearing me either. She left with her drinkie and nibbles happily enough, bless her, taking the waste bag with her to the chute for me. ♥

Worra Day! I’d had enough shocks and scares for the time being. Going to get a meal and some kip…

Carer Valerie arrived. I could only get permission to photo her from the rear. She’s probably nervous about having her photo taken; the police might have a warrant out for her? Hahaha!

Well gone midnight again when I got down, but Sweet Morpheus greeted me quickly enough, and only one jumping awake!

March 1st 2020: Inchcocks Diary

Tuesday, March 1st 2020

The Monday Nosh… Ode

It doesn’t look like it would get the taste-buds tingling,
Baked potatoes, sausages… something was missing?
But did I care? No, for the eyelids were drooping…
I wasn’t really eating, just refuelling…
The taste buds were pleased, the stomach revelling…
In as tastier a meal for months, I was eating!
The Thought Storms came but were untroubling!
I know, it’s so rare, but tiredness was growing…
The little banana for dessert, I was enjoying…
A lemon & lime yoghourt… I was happily guzzling!

Peripheral Neuropathy Pete attacked me, what for?
The yoghourt fell down my legs onto the floor!
Shaking-Shoulder Shirley joins in, and furthermore…
The TV remote flew away; where to? I’m not sure!
A right mess to sort out, but I did perdure…
No injuries, bruises or blood, but this, I can assure…
It left me with my sanity a little insecure!
Save some of the food to eat later? No, It’d lost its allure!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The March Begins...

Another very decent night’s sleep! I reckon six hours. With only two spring-awakes! I lay pondering on what’s what for today demand-wise. After a couple of minutes, I realised two things; ① It was late, and the mooring carer was almost due. ② I needed the Porcelain Throne. So, hoping for a better evacuation than yesterday, and having taken a few capsules of Dioctyl yesterday after the concrete-like evacuation, I bravely limped off and ventured to the wet room! Haha!

Another release, similar to yesterday’s but far more manageable in comparison. Which foolishly made me think, well, that’s better, perhaps things might improve today… What an idiot! You’d have thought I’d have learned by now, wouldn’t you?

While in there, I thought I’d get the ablutionisationing done. So I did! The teeth and nasal cleaning went fine. The shaving too, only thee tiny nicks two on the chin, one on the ear lobe. I can recall saying my Alto-Ego saying something like; Let’s not get over-confident, Inchcock, no more banging into owt or tumbling over. I know you’re worried about the Carer coming but just take care!”

Not a single banging into anything, only a handful of dropsies; I got the showering done post-haste without rushing and got the same feeling as when I woke up… a foolish feeling of semi-contentment and a smidgeon of a Smug-Mode. No toe-stubbing, no walking into the door frame on leaving the wet room; a full-on Smug-Mode was adopted! I hobbled into the kitchenette to make a brew. As cheery as is possible for me, and no particular reason, other than this threatening semi-confidence in its going to being a betterer day today? Worryingly!

The only ailments hassle were Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley and Cartilage Cathy. I got the kettle on as ♫ Oh Susan ♫ rang out, and Carer Richard came in. He got the medications, and alert wristlet alarm check done, then handed me a camera he says he does not use. That was kind. I gave him the new far too big to fit anywhere air fryer I’d foolishly bought. Exchange is no robbery, as they used to say. Hehehe!

Being his last call, we had an excellent nattering session and laugh or two, the moan, and I enjoyed it so much. Richard made for his bed, and I don’t blame him! Haha!

I made the brew and nearly moped the kitchen floor, but I left it for her to do as Esther might call. I got on the computer, but it was not good. The Peripheral Neuropathy nerve ends always start, contacting and losing it when I’m typing! It never fails. Grrr! So progress was snail-paced, made worse by all the errors and correctionalisationing I had to cope with.

I took a break and had a close look at the Fuji camera Carer Richard had kindly donated. Put some batteries in that didn’t work. Then looked on the web and found out how, or which way around they have to go, and wallah! It worked! I didn’t use it then, as updating Monday’s blog was so far behind. Got back to blogging…

The intercom rang, and it was the Iceland delivery that I’d forgotten all about coming. I know… Dementia Doreen strikes again! Because I could use neither camera, cause the computer card reader did not recognise them, I used an old one from file here; I’m getting fed up with this palaver every day. Got the fodder stored away and found an exciting occurrence, even for Iceland! ① The strawberries I ordered were on the last day before consuming; they sent them for free. ② Again, they substituted ordinary sausages for the microwave ones I’d ordered (Sent back). ③ Substituted water for another brand, same price. ④ No fresh peas. ⑤ No microwave sausages. Choices are getting sparse in all of the stores now, for supplies. Oh, dearie me!

He was working well all day today; he was noisy so often. But none of the bouts lasted for too long, so no complaints.

I eventually got yesterday’s blog completed and sent off. Went on Facebook, then WordPress Reader. Got around to doing Email checks and then WordPress comments. Had some long ones today, which put me further behind. Haha! But they are welcome; I love getting messages and comments.

Then, the arrival of cleaning operative dominatoress Esther. She was collecting the laundry. She told me to take off my shirt, and she’d take that. I asked if she could mop the kitchen floor for me later – But No! She doesn’t like my mop and bucket. So I gave her some money, as she said she’d get one she likes. Obviously, every time she comes, she’s talking and walking into other rooms without stopping… I reckon I heard about 40% of what she said. Hehehe! Someone else who one can’t do anything right, but can’t help still love ’em!

She took the laundry with someone else’s, and I treated myself to a banana. Do you see the size of it? Miniature, I think, Hahaha! But they just sit me down to the ground.

Tried to get on with the blog again… Oh, no, such luck! The Amazon delivery arrived. In it were three things; ① Treats for the nurses, Carers and (kind only) delivery people, in the form of some cans of Southern Comfort Whiskey & cola. ② A tray of 12 cans of Beef Chilli (for Josie’s Sunday meals), and ③ 24 cans of garden peas, I got these cause they are hard to find nowadays after the Covid-virus estimated staff levels. Iceland has stopped selling them altogether. Sainsbury’s have put theirs up from 30p to 50p! Ocado’s only brand they sell now is £1.49 a can!!! So, I got these in before they rise anymore in price! Argh! It’s getting worse. The rents have just been increased, and electricity is going up by 15% this month. Get it while you can, I say!

I took the rubbish from the delivery to the waste chute. Trapped a finger end in the cast iron lid, pulled my hand away sheepishly, and hit the knuckle on the edge of the metal lid.

I thought the day had started so well, too!

I was reet wee’d-off when I hobbled back to the flat. I decided to try on the Fuji camera again and got it going!!! These are the photos I took with the Carer Richard gifted Fuji.

I’ve got to work out how to get different sized pictures, but not now; too much left to do on the blog and running out of time, energy and willpower.

I took a shot of HRH Lisa’s presents, Marie’s Koala Katie, and Patties Teddy Bear, who have all become members of my family now and are chatted to and given a cuddle in their turn, every day in passing. 💜

I poddled off into the kitchen, taking this photographicalisation en route. It was not as dark as this came out, but the flash worked on it. I saw the potatoes on the counter near the microwave and realised I’d not had anything to eat today… Ooh! I tell a fib, I had the baby banana. Haha!

I opened the window, and I took this effort of the teatime view of the darkening but still pretty looking skies over Sherwood.

The ♫ Oh, Susana ♫ tune brought forth my Caring Angel, Julia! 💖

I instantly became another person; depression and worries faded, to be replaced with joy and admiration. Julia is such a caring Carer and is so helpful to me. We managed a little gossiping laughter, and she, as usual, brought my spirits up from the depths I was in before she arrived. Luckily, I was just replying to an Email from sweet Jenny, in which she mentioned the strawberries, which reminded me of the packet I had in the fridge for the evening Carer. I think I may have looked and appeared to be with it, by remembering… but words kept leaving me as I was talking, which soon had me back as a recognisable dodo! Hehehe! 

Julia departed, and the dark depression of frustration soon returned. Also, the damned computer was not recognising the SD card again. Grrr! Damnangles and Groggleturds!

I pressed on with the blogging, making so many mistakes you wouldn’t believe it. Suddenly, as I got up for a wee-wee…

It was gone 23:00hrs! And I’d still had nowt to eat! I decided to pack in on the computer. So I did! I’ll have to do my best to catch up tomorrow.

Oh, no, I’ll read and reply to any comments on WordPress first. Three or four had come in.

Phew! Finally… at the end of the day (literally midnight), very most belatedly, at long last, I managed to get some nosh prepared! Despite feeling spot weary, I had the impulse for fish! So made a plate of battered fish fingers, fishcakes with peas in batter, potato waffles, yellow, red and black tomatoes for lunch, or dinner, no, supper. Maybe even breakfast? Hehehe! Another mini-baby banana, a pot of lemon & lime mousse, and two tiny tea cakes. No guilt filtered through at all! But it did after. Tsk! Taste Rating; 8.6/10, it went down a treat!

As I prepped for kipping sent took off the wristwatch, it seemed that it left a splat of bruising around the wrist? Not that it hurt at all, but once I detached the reluctant-to-leave my skin, watch, it started itching. Not that it woke me or anything. I was out of it for four hours solid! Again, praise to the Hemp capsules!

The London Philharmonic Orchestra could have come in the flat and performed Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture around the Beige, second-hand, £300, c1968, uncomfortable, recliner…

It reminds me, I also took a Dioctyl and some Docusate. The rock-solid evacuations might ease a little in the morning. Did you see that? That was me being optimistic!!! Me! Me? Worrying, innit?

 

Inchcock Today: 28th February 2022 with Odes

I woke very late, Carer due, logicality was absent,
Slowly the brain cleared of the confusion and addlement,
I worked out I’d slept for six hours, to my astonishment,
I seemed to have a decent, calm, unruffled temperament,
Yet despite the wonderfully sleeping so well, erubescent,
I felt so tired, weary, it made me think belligerent…
First decent sleep for ages, I should have been verklempt?
The Thought Storms started, they were soon unblent…
As off to the Porcelain Throne, I hurriedly went!

MONDAY 28th FEBRUARY 2022

I stirred, without any jumping awake, around 0640hrs, had the Carer been on time, they’d have found snoring away. Hahaha!

I worked out that I’d been in the arms of Sweet Morpheus for about six hours! Fought off the Thought-Storms, with the aid of needing to use the Porcelain Throne.

I rose up onto my aching for some reason feet and found that Cartilage Cathy had departed from the right knee – which of course should have given me some glee, but, you see… Arthur Itis had returned with a vengeance in both knees! So, hobbling about is going to be a smidge painful today. Methinks.

I wobbled my way to the wet room, sat, and waited… waited some more. Got the crossword book out. Then, still awaiting the commencement of any evacuation movement, I counted the veins on my right thigh. Back to the crossword puzzle, solved about three or four more clues, actually. Not the time for any Smug-Moding. Still not a sign of any rear-end activity!

I knew this was going to hurt, but I had to apply maximum pushing level from within to move the product, which at first came out a smidge, then froze again. I kept giving it some effort, painfully, but it was still a while before things restarted? I began to fear what this was doing to Haemorrhoid Harold. How much blood is already beneath me in the porcelain? The last bit took the monumental endeavour, and I kid you not, had tears forming.

As I stood gingerly up and turned to investigate the contents of the WC… No blood whatsoever! The concrete-like turds had somehow all sank? Only the pain remained. But it was subsiding all the time. It eased more rapidly after I’d cleaned things up and applied the precious Germoloids ointment to the rear end. For some reason, I felt I could so easily get back in the recliner and back to sleep. And wanted to! Then I liberally applied the Phorpain Gel to both Arthur Itis’s knees and gave it a good rubbing in! Put a dab of Germolene on the arm where I walked into the doorframe yesterday. I didn’t mean to! Hehe! It’s surprising how a nothing bruise like that can hurt? Not that I’m complaining, after the Porcelain Session agony. Even I’ve got to laugh!

Got the computer on, and ♫ Of Susana ♫ rang out. It was the Carer Richard arriving. A good lad, who’s been down a little lately, but I can report that he was his old self again this morning! I don’t mind him coming later cause if I am the last call, we usually have a natter after the medications and Alarm wristlet battery checks. I took an anti-Constipation-Konrad capsule and a Docusate sachet drink. I don’t fancy going through that again on the next visit to the Porcelain Throne! There must be people out there that when they need a crap, just go and do it! Painlessly! I have things swapping twixt the extremes every day or so. Constipation Konrad and Trotsky Terence are on a daily challenge to control the bowels! Passing things pain-free would be great for me… but I’m not jealous! Hehehe!

I pressed on with yesterday’s blog and got it posted off.

With getting up so late, the day has vanished before my eyes… it’s flashing by, and such a lot to do yet…

The shower, shaving and Teggie-cleaning, apart from hitting my head on the power-box once again, went very well.

Getting dressed went okay, but the medicationalisationing had its moments of farce. I ended up with

I checked on the end car park… No, the photograph has not been doctored! It really is the red van’s man’s car, parked between the lines, and in the car park, as opposed to his usual blocking the entry/exit on the chevron lines. I wanted to congratulate him, but of course, being whoever he is, he’s parked in the Contractors Only Parking Space. Hahaha! But at least he’s found his way into the car park and not blocking things, so. Well done, mush!

Hello, the intercom is flashing? It was the Wilko delivery. ♫ Oh, Susana ♫ was chiming out from the doorbell when the driveress arrived. A helpful gal, who took the boxes into the kitchen and checked the number of items, blessed her cotton socks. I am a little concerned about the size of the box containing the Air-Cooker. I thought I’d ordered the smallest one? I’m going to struggle to get that on the minimal space available in the kitchenette? Oh, dearie me! It may have to be given away or sold to someone with more room? Still, Carer Richard is calling another da this week, and he has one. In fact, he encouraged me to get one. So, I’ll ask him to open the box to set it up when he calls, or if he hasn’t the time, I’ll ask him to put it in the other room for me, it’s blinking heavy, so it must be a big one… Tsk! I must get something right one day!

I went on Facebooking next to catch up again. Then WP reading. Then comments.

Carer Irana… Iyrana, Irayna… can’t remember her name now… Tsk! I’ll ask the morning Carer. Pretty young thing. We chatted throughout, had a laugh and shared quips. Gave her the blog name. Nice gal, soon had me sorted with the medications. In the A.M., Richard found the new sweet Carer gals name was Isra!

Sorted a meal out. (The photos on the SD would not load again) Baked potatoes, sausages and BBQ sauce. Taste: 7.2/10.

Watched some TV and found myself nodding off, so I gave up and got my head down, about midnight.

Ode to an Odd Day…

At times it went rather abysmally…
With the rare usual periods, delusionally,
Moments of it going fantastically…
Mostly though, sort of confusionally!
More than usual, of the farcically!

The Porcelain Throne session, agonistically!
The brain mainly operated dysfunctionally,
But deliveries, Carers were a joy, actually…
The ablutions were unconditional agony,
Constipation Konrad in control, evilly!

Peripheral Pete was acting erratically,
Shakings, shuddering, running free!
The Thought-Storm attacks, aberrantly,
All of these, scary or ambiguously…
Oh, I did sleep well nocturnally!

Carers Richard & Isra were friendly and chatty,
I love a chinwag, someone to talk with me…
Others too natter, Julia, Elena and Charley,
I’ll press on now, somewhat melancholically…
I’ve had days that went more maniacally,
It was also a bad day, neurophysiologically!

It’s Tuesday now…

It’s Tuesday now, March… and I feel garrulous!
My judging the proximity of stuff circumforaneous,
Everything around me seems dimorphous…
Knowing which is which can be vexatious,
Now I’ve gone and got tinnitus!

Poor old sausage! Hehehe!

Exit mobile version
%%footer%%