– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I no longer seek an admirer, Anyone to be an adorer, One thing I’d like to acquire… Is for someone to answer, From someone like an augurer, Why my life’s not been aglitter! : : : : To say why life’s been a bugger! I’d have liked to have been brainier, I tried to be a bagpiper, To have been less of a blunderer, I was born to become a blooper, In life, I’ve always felt like a beginner… : : : : Not that I want to be a complainer. With age, I’ve become more crotchetier, I was never a gambler or cardplayer, I didn’t want to become a conqueror, I was bare, down to earth, not cavalier, I admit to being a clodhopper. : : : : I’d sooner have been a dragonslayer, But in reality, I’m more of a doomsayer, Generally, I’ve fallen into disfavour, Making me become a despairer, Life’s becoming ever-drearier, Harassed by seizures and dementia, : : : : Ailments taught me to be an endurer, I should press on – but don’t feel too eager, Should I see a medic or physic-examiner, I not looking for a life-extender… More interested in being an escaper, The bliss of being an Earth expirer. : : : : Looking back, I wish I’d been flirtier, I turned out funnier but freakier, Like Keir Starmer the UK Führer, A new movement must foregather, With leaders up for going farther… I bet it’ll be a pensioner or farmer! : : : :
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –Doing Well, Again!– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I’m so sorry, but depression is rampant. Overriding the electric shocks up the leg. Thankfully, Anne Gyna has been easy on me. Can’t win them all! Humph! Creativity is a minimum, as is the desire to bother. I apologise again. I’m still making up the 200 files I permanently deleted a month ago in readiness for my return to real life. I just can’t concentrate and have this overpowering desire to replace some of the word sheets from scratch. Nothing else got done much at all, really. I did get the early morning ablutions, shower, and shaving done by 06:30hrs because the ups and downs regularly changed to a ‘Sod it all, I’m not bothered’ happiness. To the other extreme of frustration and depression, especially early today. I was up at 03:30hrs, waking in a ‘Sod it all, I’m not bothered’ mode that kept reversing. No middle-of-the-road, either unstoppably on a high or sinking back into depression. I’d done the shaving, showering, and medicationalisations, and they were all on a high note. All finished and sank down again. Then I got this bug to make up some lost word lists from scratch. Done nothing else, really; I just can’t get it together.
I took a few pictures this morning, but the afternoon was spent on this stupid idea of making up some word lists.
I still do not have them on the blog, but I’ve started on it, although it will be sparse. I’ve used the camera for some photos and left the SD card from last night in the computer thingy slot. So, I hope they can be got at them. I’ll give it a go now… with a bonkers guilt about stopping the word list-making. This is just not natural. But what is?
I will book an appointment in the morning for any time I can get into the surgery with the Doctor; I’m genuinely worried now with Anne Gyna and the Seizures being so regular. The Catheters are getting cunning now, although they have not given way yet today. That threat remains. I need to make time to write down things that I am concerned about, and I will try to be more forceful and make her listen to them all. But I forget so quickly… I’m determined to.
There may not be a blog for a few days, but I’ll try to make a few notes and keep you all informed. Let’s see if I can access the photos taken, not that there are many.
Well, it took me ages and repeated tries, but I got them into CorelDraw on the fourth attempt. I thought the computer would let me save them this time. Yee-Ha! 0345hrs Morning shot.
Rubbish bag to the doorway.
I had never had so many cuts shaving before. Shuddering Shoulder Shirley was the main culprit; after shaving, she stopped again. Huh! Still, they were all tiny ones and didn’t bleed a lot. And I didn’t bang my head! The ankle ulcer had some odd-looking growths coming up. The electric shocks up the leg were on & off all day long.
As I dressed after the medicationings.
Depression arrived. No logical reason. Nothing had changed, but this did not stop the , and
he stayed with me until around 17:00hrs.
Then and the ‘Sod it all, I’m not bothered.’
happiness mode kicked in. This situation has been
reversed so many times without cause
or reason. Up, down, up, down.
I must add this to the list in the morning.
I got the clock calendar undated.
And a mug of Glenettie.
Then, I lost myself and did nothing besides the word list for the ode and, eventually, the ode itself.
I did make a mug of 99 Co-op tea later.
Taking these photos.
When Sam did her 2nd call, I showed her the pictures from the camera. What is it he’s burning every Thursday?
I’m going to get some food cooking.
Back in the morning, I suppose. TTFN.
This feast tasted so lovely, and I tucked into it.
Part-way through &
returned. Why? When I happily ate while watching
my favourite ‘Heartbeat’ on the box, with a contented glow, seconds before? I just stopped eating and threw it away.
Carer Chris called. Medications issues, he got the diabetic socks off for me. Christopher attached the nocturnal catheter bag for me.
At least sleep came early. A broken, ever-jumping, awake session. In the end, I got up at 03:35hrs. With the irritating desire to get the rhyme words upadted. But resisted it. For a while!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I seem to have acquired more blameworthiness, Does this come from my apparent guiltworthiness? Or possibly, from my innocence & guiltlessness? May it be due to my banal gullibleness? It could be from my gutlessness or gutsiness, My seizure episodes that bring gormlessness? My life lived with no moments of being gregarious? Or my periods of excessive garrulousness? A lifetime of receiving sideways glances? Undoubtedly, my depression and gloominess? Or my lack of confidence, which is ginormous? My infected brain has a certain grotesqueness, My ageing body shows signs of ghostliness, Mind & body decaying, it’s getting grievous, As I mentioned earlier, always the guiltiness, My search for painlessness was gainlessness, Surviving life’s been a stab in the dark, a guess!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Not the best of days.
At least I got some good sleep. It was broken, of course, but I reckon I still enjoyed a whopping seven hours. Nice!
The nocturnal pouch clour was another 4 on the NHS scale. With the Health Checks doing so well, I was well-pleased, to say the least.
A morning of mini-seizures. I’m not surprised; I was notified of a change in living circumstances late in the day. My own fault; only me or Doreen Dementia is to blame.
The seizures didn’t help. I struggled with the odeing and spent far too much time (Over four hours) trying to flow right. I’m not all that sure I improved it.
No confidence today. Plenty of the ankles sending electric shocks up the ankle, and the seizures, albeit they were short ones, I think, handicapped my brainpower.
A morning shot of the kitchenette view.
Adjusted the calendar clock.
And the biggest, well, most prolonged Seizure ever visited me.
I cannot recall much; the blanks were long.
In the late afternoon, I got the letter hand-delivered informing me about the upcoming changes.
Oh, I’ve not put the delivery photos on yet. So, I will. Some of my favourite eats were delivered.
But I was not in the mood to feel cheerful
about anything.
The Natoora tomatoes were a bit soft, but I used them in the meal later. They were tasty! Chessy-topped cobs.
I’ll have two of them tonight. The fridge was looking fuller now.
Now it’s Nosh Time. Battered onion rings were done in the oven. The mini Spanish tomatoes were thrown away; they tasted terribly bitter. All else was eaten. In my depression, I forgot to score the taste. And cannot remember what I gave it.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Cheerio Each!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – A PROBLEM-SOLVING ODE I have difficulty nowadays with problem-solving,
They keep coming, constantly revolving,
Solutions, Dementia is abnegating,
With her, I find myself argufying,
Neither side prepared for amnestying,
She seems against consciousness-expanding,
Memory-Mangling-Malcolm is not attenuating,
I spend far too much time error-correcting,
Instead of problem ameliorating,
Anne Gyna refuse pain subjugating,
My brain is beyond any aestheticising,
And I cannot take any more criticising,
Nit-picking, mockery or Starmer’s lying,
Crooked politicians, I find aggravating,
To hopes, I am no longer clutching,
I find life fatiguing and debilitating,
For Starmer, the hatred I’m harbouring,
His lack of compassion is inturbidating,
The Labour Party he is torpefying…
With his lying, fiddling & cheating,
His hatred of pensioners is unrelenting
He financially crippled anyone farming,
Thus, I find myself Starmer vernacularising!
Pensioners he has robbed & now he’s killing,
How he’s escaped prosecution is concerning,
He knows the crimes of others? It’s unnerving,
Is this why the opposition isn’t even chiding?
If they did, may they be in for good hiding…
Does he know of others’ financial juggling?
How to stop him? Revolution energising,?
To get my hopes pulsating, piquing…
To read of his painful, slow dying,
I’d celebrate by doing much imbibing!
It’s past time that he should be resigning,
Each day the git stays, the more I’m spitting!
I’ve few teeth left, but they are gritting…
He should leave, take up birdwatching,
Best suited would-be Emus; Australian,
With his record, he needs chloroforming,
With his cabinet, there’s been little conferring,
Apart from his drinks cabinet, port drinking,
He needs help, maybe some counselling,
By the Grim Reaper would be a good thing!
Assassination, I’m not considering… Although assassination has a comforting ring… His decisions may soon start boomeranging, If the end comes, & he goes… that’ll be bracing, Starmer will need swiftly replacing, Mayhap by a druid or a droid, it’s complicating, Or a human being, with his nature contrasting… One who isn’t always fiddling or lying? But to find an honest MP may be disillusioning, One fit enough to do Prime Ministering… Especially one that is morality-emitting, One who is history-free of lying & fornicating… An honest MP? It’s just an impossibility!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – 04:40hrs: I stirred back into ersatz life. I waited for Twitching Neck Nigel to ease off. Nigel was accompanied by a few of Eric’s electric ankle shocks, which were shooting up my right leg. I think that Lymphorrhea Leslie is beginning to swell enough to burst again. But come the late afternoon, Anne Gyna became the worst ailment, even than the seizures, pure pain, and I was gasping with it as I walked back from Sherwood after shopping in the rain, but I mustn’t complain, and going to the dentist and cake shop. Not for me!
I used the small picker-upperer to get some cream on the ankle. Then, I detached the nocturnal pouch from the day Catheter bag. I realised I had time to go before getting dressed to go to the dentist, and I sorted the waste bags out as the first job. I decided to have just one mug of Co-op 99 tea and cut the water drinking out. I hope the catheter bag does not overfill while I’m in Sherwood. Before concentrating on what I need to do and take with me, I have a bus pass, keys, cash, card, and Bisoporol Fumerate in case Anne Gyna kicks off. Would you believe that I forgot to put some in my pocket? What a twit! I took a couple of shots from the kitchenette window of view on offer to the right and left. These didn’t come out too badly. The few snaps I took while out in the rain, legging it back up Winchester Street Hill, were terrible efforts.
I got the things needed in the walker and my pockets. (Well, as I said, I did forget to take the Beta-Blockers!
I put my feet in a bowl with an antiseptic disinfectant and soaked them while brushing my teeth and then shaving. I had so many cuts shaving this morning that counting them was hard. Haha! 7+ is my guesstimate! I spent much time stopping the little bleeders’ flow, but the Brut aftershave eventually won. I got some more Germolene cream on Lymphorrhea, Leslie. Then dropped the tube… hitting myself on the head on the sink. I precisely targeted yesterday’s injury as I bent down to retrieve it! Looking at this selfie, I seemed to have acquired more bruises than I thought. Of course, they could have been from last night’s Whoopsiedangeplop?
The innards rumbled and grumbled as I left the wet room, and I got down on the WC post-haste! Had I not been naked and I’d had to remove a dressing gown and nightshirt, I’m sure I would never have got down in time! This would have been another major embarrassing incident to clean up!
I got the medicationings done in a short time. My concentration was elsewhere, you see. I wanted to get at least a little done on the blog. I adjusted the old-fashioned clock calendar. I made another brew of 99 tea. Somehow, I failed to drink the first one earlier on.
Arrived on the first call. I had just gone into a Seizure Mode. Events are a little vague. I feel she helped me with the bus timetable. I can’t understand why I have this Arithmaphobia about numbers, time, etc. Dementia Doreen, I assume, getting worse and spreading her control.
I pressed on with the blog and got Mondays posted. Not a good one, but at least I got it out. Returned to do the Domestic. I was fully with it this time. She helped me get the diabetic socks on, explained the buses, and checked on my appointment with the dentist. She also cleaned for me. Bless her.
DENTIST SHERWOOD VISIT: I still can’t realise I left the Beta-blockers behind. But I think I’d got everything else I needed. I intended to walk down the hill and get the bus back up. But it turned out the opposite. As I was going out, Carer Sam arrived, and she walked me to the Winwood Court lobby. As I approached the bus stop and walked past it, I noticed a bus was due in two minutes. So, I caught it. Made a mess of getting myself sat down as Cartilage Chloe gave way on me. Two passengers helped me get off the bus four stops later in Sherwood. There are some kind folks. I appreciated that cause I was having a seizure at the same time that I got off the bus. My thanks go to them!
As I crossed the road to visit the Heron Store for the first time, the rain started splattering down. I remembered the pork knuckle, Pork Pie with egg, and potato waffles they used to sell in the Bulwell store, and my taste buds were already tingling as I went in and made my way to the fresh food fridges. They had none of my favourite foods on the shelves they used to stock long ago. Sob! However, looking at the receipt when I got home, I’d spent £16 with them. Cellotape, treats for the Carers and nurses, Easter eggs, and some Schweppes Tonic Water with watermelon. I did not realise what I was spending at the time due to a three-minute seizure at the checkout. I felt it coming, coped with it, then realised I was not with it.
Up the hill to the Dentist. A complete stranger saw me struggling to get the walker shopping bag up the 4 steps outside the front door of the surgery. Bless her. ♥ I’d never have made it without her tremendous help. I got into the reception, only to find that I had got the wrong time for the appointment! I was 1½hrs early! The lady looked at me with a sideways glance. I responded by saying not to worry, that I had my crossword book and pen with me, and I apologised for getting the timing wrong. I moved into the waiting area. And started on the crossword book. Amazingly, I got a few answers, too! The receptionist told me they had rearranged the dentists, and I could go to the surgery in a minute to be seen by another dentist. A minute later, she indicated that I could go in now. The Dentist had an investigation into the state of my teeth. Summing up, he said you will need significant surgery; are your teeth too painful. I waffled on about the pain spray I used almost daily, and he said the same as the other dentist said on the last four visits; We’ll see how you go; they should be alright until then, don’t you think? OK, I said. Went to pay the receptionist. £30. Who helped me & my shopping down the 4 steps at the front door.
The rain was heavier now, but that did not deter me from going to the cake shop to buy some cream cake treats for the staff. Unbelievably, as the lady asked which cakes I wanted, I delved into another seizure. Asked her to pick them for me. Paid with my bank card, and as I went out, I read the receipt, £8.90. I’ve spent a bit today.
I decided to take a different route back up to the flats. Instead of going down Mansfield Road and up Winchester Street Hill back to the apartments, I went down Hallem Road and around Winchester Hill. En route, the rain had disturbed all the mud from the many trees being cut down. They were pushing their roots up and cracking the pavement tarmac. I felt sorry for this one on the left. I can see beauty in trees, and I had a little natter to this one as I passed it. Don’t laugh! Hehe! As I got onto Winchester Hill and turned left, up towards the flats, I took this snap on the right. And the heavens opened up! The rain flooded down, and I tried to protect the things in the bag from getting soaked. But, worse… Suddenly, it got the worst she’d been, pain-wise, for years. But I was not surprised in the least. The struggle up the hill had annoyed her. I was stopping to get even wetter every few minutes and let the stabbing pains from ease off. Half an hour later, I’d reached the level of the flats. Anne Gyna eased off for a few minutes when I hobbled along on the straight, even, flat Chestnut Walk. I felt so much better when I got into the Winwood Court complex. I dropped the cakes off, and they gave me the list of my banking details; bless them both.
I felt weary but contented at having made the little trip without any real . And feeling good. I got up to the apartment and dried myself off. Emptied the catheter pouch, got the kettle on, and put the purchases away. Ah, I forgot I’d bought some beer-battered chips & onion rings. I might have them for tonight’s meal. If I ever get this blog started, that is. I opened the watermelon soda bottle and got on with updating this blog.
Carer Chris arrived. His new daughter, whose name he gave me, is in fine shape. I forgot her name, and I asked him twice.
It’s late now, so I’ll get summat made to eat. Carer Chris will be calling again soon.
