Penned by our Nottingham WordPress resident the decrepit impecunious pensioner, of great senility and ill health Mr Juan Inchcock, with the hopes of encouraging.. er… well something!
Quote from Inchcock:
On my last walk around Nottingham City’s abandoned shops… I mean City Centre, I came across some council workers removing a sign from the wall.
The sign read:
‘Visit Nottingham Castle to hear the fables of Robin Hood and his Merry Men’
The graffiti written below it said:
‘Then visit Nottingham Council House to hear the fables of the Merry Men and their robbing hoods’
“I thought it was hilarious!”
The Lions at the front of the Council House
Created by Joseph Else, the 2 stone art-deco lions stand guard on either side of the entrance steps. They are similar in design to the lions used to publicise the British Empire Exhibition at Wembley in 1924-25. There are alternative ‘names’ attached to them, some people call them “Menelaus and Agamemnon”, others “Leo and Oscar”.
Whatever their names, arranging to meet ‘At The Lions’ has become an essential part of Nottinghamian life since the building opened.
The Left side Lion
1963:
Where the higher class ‘Totties’ would gather, hoping to ply their trade with the more affluent visitors to the ‘Black Boy’ hotel (Now criminally destroyed by backhander seeking councillors) just along the road. I’m told the Totties provided £3 and £5 servicing.
2014:
A popular meeting point for the shoplifting squads and locals. The regular appearances of Protest meetings, Big Issue sellers, a Parking Attendants favourite point of observational value and during the regular various foreign markets, an absolute haven for pickpockets.
The Right side Lion – The more popular of the Lions as a meeting-up place.
1963:
Where local PC’s Dennis ‘Tug’ Wilson (7′ 2½ inches) and Geoffrey Baker (6′ 8½ inches) would position themselves to keep a keen eye on the populous of the City, and responding to questions from the public, and always alert.
2014:
The graffiti is cleaned off regularly nowadays. The CPO’s (Community Police Officers), and occasionally a real PC can be seen using their mobile phones, and if they are needed, as soon as they end their phone call, citizens can speak to them. Nearby you will find the Big Issue sellers, street artists, beggars, Motorbility scooters, Skateboaders, Cyclists and other dangers.
Special Foreign Market’s
1963:
No Special Foreign Market’s were held then. But there was a speakers corner.
2014:
Themed markets are a regular appearance in the slab square nowadays. Themes including: Lithuanian Foods, German, Polish, Austrian, Australian Foods, French Products, and Asian Foods. Amongst the items you would not have been offered in 1963 are: Kangaroo burgers, Shark steaks and Blueberry candyfloss.
Violence
The Sacheverell riots of 1710, riots were a series of public disorder outbreaks that spread across England during the spring, summer and autumn of 1710 in which supporters of the Tories attacked property and places of worship of Whigs St Mary’s Church just off the Slab square becoming a victim.
The Spitalfield Riots of 1769, Luddite Riots of 1812, Reform Bill riots of 1831, Racial Riots of 1958, Protest Riots of 1981, and the Protest Riots of 2014 all had occasion to ply their violence, along with other locations, on the Nottingham Slab Square. The muggings continue, but most of them have moved to the suburbs where there are fewer CCTV cameras.
1963:
I recall a few skirmishes between Mods and Rockers, and between football fans occasionally.
2014:
Last year there were 485 shoplifters arrested (Although less than 200 were prosecuted) – 211 arrests for using threatening behaviour or using violence – One murder – Nine stabbings – 156 assaults – 18 nights of rioting activity – 3 police vehicles fire-bombed and attacked – 4 police officers hospitalised – 9 Ram raids – 11 shop raids with violence – 2 street dwellers died. 8 people knocked over by drunken or illegal drivers – 4 Taxi drivers robbed and assaulted, and 126 muggings. Oh, and the nearest police station was fire bombed.
Transport
1963:
Black Taxi’s with white bonnets and boots lined up on the right side of the Slab Square. Fairs from 1/3p (5 ¼d) Some of the drivers could speak English too.
Trolley and Motor-buses with conductors ruled in this year. Tickets from 1p
2014:
Custom designed and built London style Taxi’s are now ranked off the Square. Fares from… well I don’t know, I can’t afford to use them nowadays.
The new Trams and Motor-buses without conductors rule now. Tickets from £1.80.
Retailers/Trade outlets
1963:
There were about 65 businesses around the square.
Lyons Cafe being another popular meeting place for Nottingham residents.
2014:
There are still about 65 businesses around the square, but a third of them are closed down.
There are now far more eateries, less banks, and the excessive proliferation of Pawn Shops, Charity Shops and Pay-Day Loan sharks were not around in 1963.
The new fountains are a popular place for children to play in and swear at passers by. Unemployed benefit seekers, immigrants, shoplifters, muggers, and wino’s to meet.
In the event of anyone being tempted to move to Nottingham for its Multiculturalism, Wealth, Serenity, or Placid lifestyle, as a result of these meanderings – Please read between the lines!
What my dream was about, I haven’t a clue. But I awoke feeling so low and depressed, and scared?
WC.
I peeped out of the window while the kettle was boiling for me tea, a car outside had had its window smashed and presumably something stolen from it. Still, this fits in with the burglaries and arson attacks for the locality dunnit?
WC.
It was dark and dank outside, and that is how I am feeling this morning too. Oh Woe is me.
Not up to going anywhere or doing anything.
Not feeling too good.
Toyed on internet, but no concentration.
Had a call from the MRBHA Mansfield Road Baptist Housing Association, conforming my interest in any flats that come up.
Going to bed really early to try and get some sleep, maybe trying to read me book might let me get off eh?
TTFN all.
Thursday 4th September 2014
Seemed to be awake for than asleep last night.
WC.
Up around 0415hrs, feeling well drained.
Had me brekkie and a cuppa.
Worked on me graphics for a few hours, then decided I must get out and about.
So thought I’d get a bath… proper one like, yer know, radox, un antiseptic disinfectant, then antiperspirant un that like, then applied me creams and emolument dermatological Cetraben creams to the required areas of me decrepit body, oil in me ear-holes and pain gel on me hands and knees.
WC.
Then go make an appointment with the GP. Then go on a good long walk (Hobble) into Arnold and get a another pack of the microwave sausages if they have any left, then get the bus to town, but why to town I’ve forgotten already. Oh yes, go see the housing people at CityHomes.
I set off, with me two bags, one for the Nottingham Hospice shop, on me walk to Sherwood. (Yes, alright, I forgot about going to the GP… Tsk!)
However, I did remember to call at the Post Office on the way and return me DVLA forms.
I called in the haberdashery shop in Sherwood, but they could not help me with me search for a cushion/pillow of the shape or size I required. Never mind thought I, I’m bound to have better luck in Arnold. (Hahaha!)
I dropped in the Nottingham Hospice shop and gave em me stuff. The lady said if I signed as a member, they would get more for the goods I’m taking – so I did. Then said goodbye and started off on me marathon walk to Arnold. Realising that she had not given me the number she said I needed. (Tsk!)
A mile or so up the road, I passed entrance to the old ‘Headway’ premises, and that brought back many happy memories of when I was a volunteer there, but a sadness that it had to close down.
I pressed on into Daybrook, and nipped in the park to feed the ducks and pigeons.
Then on again into Arnold.
Where I came across many shops that could not supply me with the pillow/cushion size I was after.
On me last try at getting one, I called into Asda. None to suit in stock, but I was tempted into buying a reduced in price ‘Andy Capp’: and some cheese curls.
On this visit to Arnold, I was weary enough to miss being clobbered by the two Mobility scooters that nearly clobbered me.
The old feet and knees were now letting me know it was time to stop hobbling about, so I caught the bus back to Carrington.
Yet again, I forgot to call at the GP, and wobbled back to the dump.
Noticed a police car and forensic van at the far end of the street – not another break in?
Did some prep for me blogs and posted this one, then decided to try for another early night in search of sleep…
Up at 0650hrs, WC and got the launderette togs ready, remembering in the drying balls, soap tablets and nibbles for the laundry girl.
Then a cuppa, and on the laptop… eventually thanks BT Internet.
Then up the apples to have a wash and WC.
Rubbish to the bin, and then out to walk to launderette. As I started walking, BJ arrived in his car to give me a lift. Kind of him that.
Got the things in the machine, then walked to chemist for me prescriptions, that were ready on time. Then realised I would not be able to carry the big bag of medications as well as me two bags of washing back home again.
So when I’d got the washing into the drier, I walked back to the pit with the medications, picked up two lollies from the freezer, and took ‘em back to the launderette with me. Mandy was tickled pink that I’d taken them for her, and gave me her excellent ‘Poor old sod’ look.
Got the togs, waved cheerio to Mandy, and legged it back to the flea-pit – where I found a police car, forensic van and reporters outside the house opposite just down the road from mine. An officer was looking for prints on the window frame, so I assume it was another break-in. Why the reporters though? A simple break-in around here is not worth their reporting; else they’d get sued for repetition!
WC.
I updated this Diary, did a bit of blog viewing.
WC.
Then I decided to have a walk into town, and have a look see if any cheapo pyjamas could be obtained. Then changed me mind, and decided to have a walk to Sherwood Nottingham Hospice Shop, take em me ticket maker and few bits and then bus to town for a wander about like.
Had a nice gentle walk into Sherwood, donated me bits and pieces, and glad to be free of the weight I was carrying too. Then I caught a bus to town.
When I got off and walked to cross over towards Clumber Street, I noticed there seemed a lot of people on it for a Monday.
I found out why as I walked down to near McDonalds – two women were going at it something awful, did everything but clobber each other, and that’s what attracted the crowd yer see.
I took a photo of the Nottingham Beach in the slab square, everyone seemed quiet happy.
I moved on and hobbled to the bank, where I waited for twenty five minutes to get served. The teller apologised, but I couldn’t help pointing out the sign behind him that advertised their excellent customer service!
The feet were aching a bit now, and the angina was kicking in. (Tsk)
I hobbled up to the NHS drop-in centre. As recommended to by my GP receptionist who I asked last week where I could get another Medical Card from, as the one the hospital gave me was almost unreadable now. She replied, try thr NHS drop-in centre, so I did.
I explained all this to the lady, who said: “Try your GP!”
Ah well…
I limped back up to the second had record/tape/DVD shop, and he’s saved me a rare Acker Bilk CD, £5, so I treated missen to it.
As I walked down to catch the bus back to Carrington, I took photo’s of a Chinese Medical Shop and the NHS drop-in Centre, don’t know why I did, but I did.
The queue at the bus-stop was enormous, so I went to catch another bus that took another longer route, and got on it and got a seat.
Unfortunately I was unsure which stop to get off at, and overdid it a bit, and found myself with another marathon walk. Never mind eh.
At the end of my street, I saw the Fire Brigade had put up a notice warning us about arsonist working in the area. The police put one up about burglars burgling in the area last month, but someone nicked it.
I called in Lidl to get some cobs – and was in the queue at the check-out for yonks and yonks, eventually giving up and leaving. There were only two tills open, and the poor gal on the one I was at, was having some sort of trouble with the till.
So I hobbled up to the Co-op store and got some Bread Thins on offer at £1, and a pack of 6 iced lollies for the same offer price. Why I did this, having purchased some from Fulton’s yesterday, I haven’t worked out yet.
Laptop started, made a cuppa, took medications and began doing posts fer me blogging. BT Internet permitting this occasionally this morning.
I decided I would go to Bulwell this morning to Fulton’s Freezer Shop, and see if I could acquire some more stocks of the cheapo but wonderful tasting microwave sausages.
Up to the bathroom to make myself beautiful… well a wash, shave and clean togs, and apply me necessary creams to the required components of me decrepit body anyway.
Made sure I’d got me camera, bus-pass, glasses, hearing-aids in, attack alarm, medications, Medical Awareness card, some money and mobile phone with me. (I’m getting better…. ain’t I?).
Shame I decided not to take me walking stick with me – ‘cause as I set off down the road to the bus stop, I had a some difficulty in detaching a little dog that seemed attracted to me right leg. Luckily it didn’t draw blood, despite its obvious intent to. Have to keep me eye out for this on future walks that way down the street. Tsk!
Caught the bus into Bulwell, and called in the Fulton’s there, but no microwave sausages, bother! I remembered there was a Fulton’s in Arnold, so I limped back to the bus station and caught a bus to Arnold.
I found the Fulton store on the Main Street, and hobbled in to search for the microwave sausages – there were only two left in the freezer, so I bought em, with a little sadness that there might be no more on the future, ‘cause I love the taste of em. I asked the manageress and she said they have some more in the back. So I made it three packs wot I bought. Then got carried away and bought some smoked haddock and ice lollies as well, now the bag was getting heavy.
On the way back to the bus stop to get home to me hovel, I called in the Iceland shop to see if they had and Warburtons wholemeal thins. They had, so I bought a pack… and some more iced lollies and cooked ham on offer… the money I spent… I daren’t take missen anywhere!
Then it really was a struggle to carry it all back to the bus-stop.
Dropped off in Carrington, just avoiding a passing Mobility Scooter in which the driver was supping from a can of lager!
Managed to get back to the flea-pit, and put the nosh away, definitely no room left in the freezer now!
Realised I’d left the water heater on, so a bit more money lost there.
Has some microwave sausage sandwiches with BBQ sauce, Marmite crisps followed by three ice lollies and a doughnut.
Permission was granted for Inchcock to blog this dictionary to prevent him from sulking, going off and feeding the pigeons and catching Histoplasmosis and getting himself all depressed again
Amarulence: (Bitterness, spite)
How politicians think of the voters.
Aphnology: (The study of wealth)
What Politicians are preoccupied and obsessed with.
Back-hander: (A bribe or illegal inducement)
Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s already in Parliament would not know what this means.
Bank: (Depository, Investment firm, trust company, A business establishment in which money is kept for saving or commercial purposes or is invested.)
Where politicians prefer not to store their ill-gotten back-handers and bribes, preferring to use Overseas investment accounts.
Barclay’s Bank:
The company who has 35 paid advisor’s from within the ranks of MPs and their family members. (Like Ffion Hague, William Hague’s wife) amongst our MP’s and their relatives, thus getting rescued financially whenever they need to be – Barclay’s is made up of two ‘Clusters’: Retail and Business Banking, and Corporate and Investment Banking and Wealth Management, each of which has a number of Business Units, and bribes official’s of the Government with ease.)
Bifurcated: (Divided into two branches, paths)
Descriptive of the current Liberal Democrat Party
Bribery: (An illegal or underhand inducement)
Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s in Parliament would not know what this means, or be an active participant in bribery.
Businesses: (Commercial, industrial, or professional dealings)
What Britain used to own and run in the UK.
Chrematomania: (Obsession with money)
A disease that grips MP’s the instant they make their first expense fiddling claim. It is considered one of the essential components of the psyche of anyone applying to become a candidate for election in the UK.
Cimmerian: (Very dark; gloomy)
The future for the UK when the Coalition Government took power, it is even darker now for the proletariat, but the Etonites and rich are doing well.
Commendaces: (Funeral orations, Prayers for the dead)
Emotions and impending activity regarding the Liberal Democrat Party
Compassion: (Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it)
Conservative MP’s need not concern themselves with this word or its interpretation; they’ll never need or understand it. Labour members do use this emotion, although of course they are not genuine feelings. One person backs up this theory: Tony Blair.
Decency: (Conformity to prevailing standards of propriety or modesty)
Coalition MP’s need not concern themselves with this word either, they’ll never need or understand it.
Deleterious: (Harmful effect, injurious to others)
The effect that Coalition MP’s lies about VAT increases, and cutbacks have on the proletariat. MPs enjoy being deleterious.
Empleomania: (Insatiable urge to hold public office)
A disease that all future MP’s are born with, a more common word for it is Greed.
Europe: (The area of the globe that has three countries in it that Britain has notbeen to war with, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Morocco. The sixth largest continent, extending west from the Dardanelles, Black Sea, andUral Mountains. It is technically a vast peninsula of the Eurasian landmass)
Rolls-Royce was bought by Germany’s Volkswagen Group in 1998 as part of a £430million deal.
Expenses:
This does bringeth forth great joy to the nepotistic MP’s and their bank balances – Something spent to attain a goal or accomplish a purpose.
Foreigners: (Persons born in or coming from a country other than one’s own)
MPs like these people, and help them by selling off the UKs assets to them. Here are a few: The UK’s most prestigious marquees, Rolls Royce and Bentley, have been respectively owned by BMW and Volkswagen since 1998. – Ford bought Land Rover while MG Rover was sold first to the Phoenix Consortium for a tenner before being rescued from administration by the Chinese Nanjing Automobile Group in 2005. – Ford had purchased Jaguar in 1990, but sold it along with Land Rover to India’s Tata Motors in 2008. – Last year, a survey conducted by the trade magazine The Grocer and the research firm Nielsen found that of the biggest 180 biggest grocery brands in the UK, just 44 are home-owned. – HP brown sauce was the inspiration of Frederick Gibson Garton, a Nottingham grocer in the late 19th Century. In June 2005 the brand became part of the Heinz empire. Heinz itself was purchased earlier this year by Warren Buffet’s Berkshire Hathaway and the Brazilian global investment fund 3G Capital. – Japanese firm Mizkan who, by the way, already owned Sarsons Vinegar and Hayward’s Pickled Onions, purchased Branston Pickle. – Britain’s other large confectioner Rowntree Mackintosh, founded in York in 1862, was bought by the Swiss conglomerate Nestle in 1988. – Scottish & Newcastle Brewery was jointly purchased by Heineken of The Netherlands and Carlsberg of Denmark. – Britain’s biggest bank is HSBC – the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation. – There is nothing more British than Tetley Tea, which is owned by Indian conglomerate Tata. – Selfridges, the Oxford Street department store was purchase by the Canadian Weston family. – British Gas and British Telecom were flogged too, followed by British Airways, British Rail and British Steel. It was a signal that the UK was open for business, and we’ve never looked back. Soon our big companies were also being auctioned to the highest bidders, and that meant that it was often foreigners doing the s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g. ICI, Rolls-Royce and P&O were among the crown jewels that went into overseas hands. The list goes on and on. Now more than 48% of the UK’s listed firms are foreign owned.
But this does not seem to bother the MPs of the UK?
Hamartithia: (Being likely to make a mistake)
A word that the existence of was denied by Margaret Thatcher, then Tony Blair, and every MP since!
Honour: (Personal integrity)
Absolute mystery to MP’s.
Honesty: (Truthfulness, sincerity)
An affliction with some of the proletariat voters, that as yet has not affected politicians at all.
Imperturbation: (Freedom from agitation of mind – calmness – quietude)
Over the years the MPs have cunningly covered their tracks and protected themselves from prosecution for their wrong-doings and lying. So this word is a perfect word to describe the MPs themselves.
Industry: (Refers to the production of an economic good [either material or a service] within an economy)
Manufacturing bases/companies, like we used to have in Britain, car builders, lace manufacturers, shipbuilding, fishing fleets galore, and the likes, now gone! (See Foreigners)
Lying: (Telling fibs)
Without doubt ever increasing proliferations as this word is used more and more, it is rampant throughout our MPs and Government ministers, mind you, they do it as well if not better than many other countries representatives.
Morals: (Personal or cultural values, codes of conduct)
The decline of this words meaning has been falling for a couple of years now – not in Parliament of course, it’s been missing and ignored in there for many more donkey’s years!
Mumpsimus: (A view stubbornly held even when proven to be wrong)
This word was created at the conception of Members of Parliament, and has been present in every Minister of the Governments since!
Nepotism: (Favouritism granted to relatives or friends regardless of merit)
A natural instinct inbred into politicians over the years.
Nonentity: (A person regarded as being of no importance or significance)
An unemployed voter, a member of the proletariat, an NHS patient, an elderly mugged person.
Occulcation: (Act of treading on or trampling underfoot)
A treatment so enjoyed being dished out to the uneducated masses from MP’s
Offshore Accounts:
An essential requirement for all MP’s, even those two who are not on the fiddle. (An investment/ savings bank located outside the country of residence of the depositor, typically in a low tax jurisdiction or tax haven] that provides financial and legal advantages. These advantages typically include: Greater privacy, Bank secrecy, low or no taxation [i.e. tax havens] easy access to deposits (at least in terms of regulation), protection against local political or financial instability.
For further guidance please contact William Hague, David Cameron, Tony Blair, George (‘orrible) Osborne, Gordon Brown, or any of the other fiddling gits!)
Parliament: (A legislature)
A place where MP’s can get up to £500 an hour for attending, subsidised meals, ask questions for money, fiddle their expenses, get their heads down, and vote to give themselves more money.
Personal Assistant: (A well paid slave)
MP’s can have as many of these as they like, and claim for them on expenses. MP’s with a slightly different taste in assistants like Willie Hague and his entourage of male helpers, Lucien, Damien, Tarquin, and Nigella, often utilised the Grand hotel bedroom for consultations, advice, and foible comparisons with them. I’ll miss Hague’s affairs.
Pugnacious: (Argumentative)
MPs will argue black is blue with the most placid of people.
Quiescent: (Inactive or still, dormant)
The hopes of the Liberal Democrat Party
Slubberdegullion: (An unemployed person – Riffraff, a slobbering foul individual, a worthless sloven, a pigpen, a jeeter, a tramp, an uncouth slob)
Any MP.
Tatterdemalion: (Anyone who earns less than £50,000 a year – Someone who lives in the gutter and whose only function on this planet is to serve as a warning to others)
Impecunious voters.
Tyrannicide: (Killing of a tyrant)
A wish that many hope will happen to Coalition Ministers.
Venality: (The condition of being susceptible to bribery or corruption, the use of a position of trust for dishonest gain)
An unavoidable and untreatable foible of Government Ministers and MP’s.
Voter: (One who casts a vote for or against something)
I received a wonderful letter of support today, from me hospital physiatrist bloke.
Here it is:
Dear Mr Inchcock,
Some well intended advice for you here from my team at the Queen’s Medical Centre Sir.
Please check before leaving home to come to the hospital:
Have you taken your morning medications, and applied the creams and antiseptics?
Are you wearing your outdoor clothing and not your pyjamas and or slippers?
Have you got your glasses on, and reading glasses with you?
Your bus-pass, hearing aids in and, mobile phone with you?
Have you your Medical declaration card in the event of an emergency?
Your medications pen, crossword and current reading book?
Have you applied the prescribed medicinal creams to your hands, knees and lower regions?
Can you remember where you’re supposed to be going and why?
Have you forgotten any other appointments for today that you might have made earlier with your GP, chemist, Audio clinic, Housing benefits office, Haematology dep’t etc?
If you are walking to the QMC today, please take you umbrella with you. If going by public transport, as we reminded you earlier, please take you bus-pass with you, and remember to check if it is out of date first.
Can you remember the number of the buses and where they go that you are going to use today?
Try not to fall asleep on the bus again.
Do try to keep an eye out for Mobility Scooters Mr Inchcock, as you are currently costing the NHS a lot of money in being treated medically after your recent incidents of your being ran into and knocked over by them.
It has been brought to my notice from various department heads that you keep wandering off during treatment, and getting yourself lost.
The QMC is a very large place, and finding you at times can be a bit of a problem (Repeatedly for us).
Having called a meeting to try and solve this issue. Many ideas were put forward and suggested.
* Inserting a bleeper in your body, is still being discussed – with you being deaf, we realise we would need an extra loud one, and that might scare other patients who are in the locality you have absconded and found yourself in.
* We considered giving you a Satellite navigation system of the QMC, but the cost was too prohibitive.
* Handcuffing you seemed a little harsh, although the concept has been put on a back burner in the event of any other agreed plan failing.
* Those who suffer most, the Haematology INR testing team, who have to cope with you at least once a week suggested: That we purchase a hat, with a flashing light and sign around your neck saying “Please return this patient to the Blood Taking Room ASAP” This notion found some merit with the others. They added that blinkers on you might help you not to lose your concentration and wander off looking at anything that sparkles. The Rheumatology Team added to the suggestion, that perhaps we could leave a section of the sign blank then, whichever department is currently dealing with you at the time, could write their department in the space. This idea, I could see, was getting a great deal of acceptance to all at the meeting.
* The Maintenance crew at the meeting (Those who have to clean and clear up after your little escapades, collisions with Mobility Scooters, getting lost and going in the wrong departments, going into wards and climbing into bed with other patients and eating their food etc) then came up with the best idea yet, and the one which we have adopted for you.
They said they would build a sign especially for you, and erect it at the north entrance (That you use when you get off the bus) of the hospital. We set about deciding to put only the essential and Juan Inchcock applicable details on the sign.
Please find a graphic of the sign below, that is to be ready and on show within two day, well before your next arranged appointment.
We all would appreciate it if you would take the effort to read and digest the information we have provided on it.
The nurses at the Haematology Department have asked me to mention to you, could you please avoid eating any brussel sprouts, curries, baked beans, broccoli, onions or prunes before your appointment please.
Yours
Dr Vladimir Goebbels
Queens Medical Centre
Venerable Mature Psychiatric Patients Support Group.
Late night for me last night – didn’t wake up until 0630hrs, feeling groggy and shaky.
Had a good rinse, dried off and sprayed my manlyless flabby body with Fly-spray by mistake for Antiperspirant.
This is not the first time that I have done something like this… proof I suppose, that an Inchock never learns!
More worry followed: The laptop took a good 12 minutes to load from booting… oh dear; soon I may disappear from the ether I fear.
Angina bad today, bad as it’s ever been really.
This totally knocks me concentration off course, and I decided it was best not to go out today. Then I changed me mind.
I had a walk/limp into Sherwood and took some stuff to the Nottingham Hospice charity shop.
Called in Wilko and got a 4litre weedkiller. How I was stupid enough to buy it then, knowing I’d have to carry it around with me on me walk I don’t know – but I regretted it later.
Caught the bus into town. Then caught but out to Lidl on Ilkeston Road, to see if they had any of the onions in that me Sister Jane wanted, and Lidl in Carrington had ran out of. But no.
Foolishly, I decided to walk all the way home. (Brave Fool!)
Got to where the Aldi shop was, and called in to see if they had the onions in. No.
I noticed how many folk walk along the centre of the roads nowadays, and cyclist ride on the pavements?
Hobbled on (Feet and knees bad now – Tut!) and called in Asian supermarket for a look around. Got some bits, just to add to the weight I was already struggling to carry in me bags like. (Twit!)
Last stretch into Carrington was agony – everything seemed to start then. Angina off again, knees and feet painful, piles performing, stomach ulcer even joined in giving me gip then. (Tsk!)
Got in and collapsed metaphorically speaking.
Saturday 30th August 2014
Up at 0500hrs – knackered and in pain again.
Had to sort out me Inch that had been bleeding in the night.
Not happy at all, depression crept in a bit. (Tut)
Did nowt but feel sorry fer missen, getting me blogs ready, reading me book, watching DVD, and visiting the WC.
Sunday 31st August 2014
Hell of a job to get up this morning, the back wasn’t too interested in letting me. Had to sort bleeding out agen. (Tsk!)
Feeling so low once more.
Managed to get up, and realised then that I’d missed me evening medications when I found the full pot… what a clot! (The poetry comes free folks – hehehe)
By the time I’d got the laptop going, a cuppa and me porridge ready, the angina returned and was giving me some gip too. I even had a dizzy spell, but that might be due to me missing last night’s meds?
Struggling to get me posts formulated, making silly errors, hope I can spot em before posting.
Tired today.
* Sorry this ain’t as funny as usual folks, when I feel a bit better, I’ll be back to form. TTFN
My mate big John rang, to see if I wanted to go to the Steaming display at Wollaton today. “Yes please” I responded. “Be ready for one o’clock he says.
BJ and his better half picked me up at 1400hrs, and off we drove to the Steaming Fair.
It were grand there, I really enjoyed it speaking to real people with a similar interest in steam and old transport.
Bought a book of old trolleybus’s while I was there, I love em.
They ran me back to the hovel, I thanked them and reminded BJ to bring his memory stick to the launderette Tuesday, so I could put piccies onto it. Off they went.
Hanging onto the chair this time to stop himself tumbling over
Thursday 29th August 2014
Last evening, sister Jane rang me up to see if I was going to take a couple of buses and visit her today.
Odd thought I. It was then she asked me if I’d forgotten it was me birthday. I told her “Of course not Jane… cough cough…”
It seemed that I kept springing awake every half hour throughout the night, remembering I’d had a horrible dream each time I’d nodded off.
I had wanted to awake in time to listen on Radio4 extra’s programme ‘Hat’s Off’ Series 2 Episode 1 of 4 Maureen Lipman compiles and reinterprets monologues, letters and songs originally written and performed by Joyce Grenfell.
But no. Around 0350hrs I drifted off and slept until 0620hrs and missed it. Tsk and bother!
I peeped out of the bedroom window, raining/drizzle, and a mob of about 11 yob’s walking down the centre of the street. Luckily they kept walking. Early morning muggers, or late drinkers perhaps?
By 0650hrs, I was on the laptop and drinkin’ a cup of me newly purchased English Tea. (Not as good as I thought though, not very strong but they’ll do.)
Had a go on wordpress and facebook for a bit, then went up to do me ablutions and readying missen for me trip to see Jane and Pete.
I noticed that Google had put some cakes on their browser, with the words ‘Happy Birthday Gerald’ on em. This stirred my foggy mind, and I had a peep which other famous (Cough cough) folk had been born in August like wot I was: Hermann Göring (same day), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rudolph Hess, David Bowie, Napoleon Bonaparte, Obersturmbannführer August Becker, Robert De Niro, Davy Crockett, Friedrich Schumann (Killed six people and executed), Deng Xiaoping, Evander Law (Confederate General) and Nikolai Dzhumagaliev Kazakh (Who killed and ate 8 women. Judged insane). Oh, and Shaun Connery.
It’s a shame for em that they couldn’t have been a little more successful like wot I am really.
Must remember to phone Jane before I set out, to see if me timing for the visit is okay with her.
Went on Facebook and got many birthday wishes that I appreciated, and Andy from the USA emailed me greetings. Course I’m still sat here on me own on the laptop. Depressed me, no not so bad really?
Got missen ready then I called Jane, it was arranged I’d get there (at their mansion) for about 1200hrs.
But, the best laid plans and all that…
A cracker of a card from Jane and Pete
Last job before leaving was to put me hearing aids in, but the tubes were missing. It was then I remembered I’d taken em out to soak em like, but could I find them? No!
He’s alright now, took his midday tablets. Still hanging on this time to the worktop to stop himself going over, bless him!
The postman called while I was searching, no cards in the mail, but then again there hasn’t been any for donkeys years now, no bother, no sweat. Mind you, the one I collected from JAne and Pete was a cracker!
Aha… found the tubes… where you ask (or should have). In the washing up bowl under the pots of course. No idea why. Took em out and gave em a good rinse, fitted em and I was off out.
Caught bus to town, then second bus out to West Bridgford.
The rain trickled down as I walked to their house.
We had a natter about nothing, but it was interesting. Pete showed me how his mobile phone can take wide shots. So I asked him to take a couple with me at the end, which he did.
Onion’s Jane wanted – Lidl fail again
The Feature Pic at the top of this page was taken by Pete, and doctored by Inchy… oh, that’s me!
Jane asked me if I would try to get her some onions in oil like wot I got her last month – this meant a visit to Lidl on the way home for me.
I managed to smile through the depression and pain for Pete to take a photo. Might be worth something in a few years when I’m dead and become famous yer know… or not.
A cuppa another natter, and I hobbled off on me walk to town to catch the bus back to the flea bitten hovel. (Thank heavens for the pensioners free bus pass!)
The walk to town took about 40 minutes, and me feet ached something chronic – then the rain started. Then the angina played up. Then me knees played up.
I had a walk (limp really) around town a bit, managing to avoid the multitudinous disability scooters, big issue sellers, cyclists on the pavement and Jehovah witnesses.
Did it rain? Yes!
The rain really started pouring for a few minutes as I was crossing the road to catch the bus back.
I dropped off early, and nipped into Lidl, but they had not got any in what Jane wanted. Phoned Jane to inform her. I’ll have a walk to another Lidl tomorrow to see if they have any in for her.
Inchcock managed a smile through his pain
Yobs lurking as I got home, but no hassle as yet.
I’m going to have a veg and meat pastie, instant mash with cheese, garden peas followed by yogurt and an orange sucker… and they say I’m not refined eh? I bet the Queen isn’t gonna eat any better than me tonight… maybe. Mind you, she’ll be cooking it or washing up afterwards will she? God bless her cotton socks.
Health-wise it has not been a good day, otherwise okay. Can’t have it all ways can we.
Twenty feet below Prince Charles, in the QMC Hospital, Nottingham
Inchcock listening to Radio 4 Extra
I was, lying in a bed in the busy Ward E19 in the Queens Medical Centre, just after having had surgery, to repair a hernia, and treat prostate cancer. I was listening to the radio.
Tubes were extruding from various regions of body.
Particularly cumbersome was the drainage tube from my ‘Inch’, which at that time the bruising had swelled to such a degree I would have been happy to put up with if only it would have stayed that size.
For the life of me I can’t understand how they managed to get a camera and lazer down their!
Prince Charles, who had the Ward above to himself, with two nurses and a Sister in attendance 24 hours a day – with me 20 feet below in Ward E19, who couldn’t get a bed pan! Bothered, jealous… me?
On the floor directly above the ward, was the ward where that Prince Charles had to himself, and two nurses, and a Sister in attendance 24 hours a day, to have his tennis elbow looked at.
I was lying in extreme physical stress below, pressing the button for twenty minutes to get a bedpan! Then stuggle down the ward with me attachments hanging, to find that that WC was occupied! More later on that one.
The talk of the ward was the imminent arrival of Princess Diana to visit Prince Charles.
As I lay painfully awaiting another bedpan, the staff and patients were more interested in seeing ‘Lady Di’.
A student nurse arrived at my bedside and nervously informed me she had come to remove one of the drainage tubes, the tube from my little used, lesser endowed lonely lower regions.
She set about trying to release the valve to drain the air from it, she was so nervous (not her fault) the more she shook the pain increased – I was about to say something about this, when a great whoops and shouts of “Look it’s LadyPrincess Die” came from those who were looking out of the window down to the ground level outside, and there was a massive surge of staff and mobile patients to the East windows – indeed I feared the building might topple!
Inchcock – Worried, embarrassed or what?
Unfortunately, and unforgettably my student nurse was amongst those Royalists so keen to see her, and as she ran to the window to join the others, she took the tube with her, leaving me in great pain, and covered in blood and urine!
Afterwards, when she realised what she’d done, the poor thing burst into tears, and begged to be forgiven. Some ‘fully trained’ nurses appeared, and sent for a doctor, who arranged for me to have some X-rays, and I was transported to the radiology department, where I spent a good two hours in a draughty corridor waiting to be seen to.
When I was eventually returned to the ward, I’d missed the meal, and still wanted to use the bedpan!
I climbed into the bed, the nurse reminding me drink plenty of water all the time to get my bladder working.
I got my book out to read, by the time I’d read a chapter, I felt a warm wet sensation appeared between my legs. A quick peep, and the blood all over me and the bed, I pressed me red button, and eventually someone arrived – and boy did I get a rollicking off of ‘em for making a mess.
They grumpily cleaned up the bed and me, and almost threw me back into the newly cleaned bed.
Oh dear…
After a few beakers of water were imbibed, I felt the need for the WC – I hobbled painfully trying to stop any leaks, to the WC, it took ages. Unfortunately it was occupied.
I limped walking painfully cross legged to the one at the other end of the ward… it was torture really. As I got in front of the bowl, boy did me bladder release its contents. It was like a fire hose, painfully belting out and hitting the wall behind the WC, and rebounding back at me, covering me in blood, and leaving an outline of my body on the wall behind me!
Embarrassed, oh so embarrassed, I tried to clean some of it up with toilet paper, both rolls were used up in minutes.
By then, they had missed me cause it was time for me medications, and a nurse opened the door and said: “Are you in there Mr … oh good heavens!
I was again cleaned up, and lodged beck into the bed.
Inchcock was in great fear!
I thought the rollicking I got last time was fierce, but this one made me cringe.
I remember thinking at the time:
“I do so hope that Prince Charles’s tennis elbow was getting better, and he enjoyed his wife’s visit!”
I was up at 0400hrs – blood from me Inch and rear quarters again. Got missen sorted, cleaned and antiseptically creamed. (Sound awful dunnit? But it’s alright… honest.)
Did me ablutions of all types and down the stairs and put the laptop on.
Back upstairs to the WC.
Back downstairs, put kettle on, took rubbish out, then had a cuppa and went on internet… for a few minutes until BT connection started playing up again. Tsk!
I place an order with Morrison’s for delivery twixt 0630 > 0730 in the morning. I used my £15 off Voucher.
I was going to the launderette, Nottingham Hospice charity shop, then QMC Anticoagulation (Warfarin level) blood test unit today – but I had some dizzy spells whilst sat down this morning. So I decided to call at the NHS Call-in centre and get appointment for the doctor. When I go there first (before the GPs surgery), they usually call the surgery and get me a quicker appointment.
Nottingham City – The Queen of the Midlands
I’ll take me stuff to the Age Concern charity shop today instead, because it’s on the way to the NHS centre in town.
Got missen lookin’ pretty and smelling nice, and set off on the walk into town.
I called in on the way at the launderette, had a chat with Mandy and Big John.
On me walk, I noticed how appealing some of the properties were on Mansfield Road, and took a couple of photo’s of them. I think these properties are why Nottingham City Council call it ‘Nottingham City – The Queen of the Midlands’ (Hehehe!)
I realised as I got in town, that I had not got me mobile with me, and considered having it with me as most important and needed, in the event of my getting mugged again, or collapsing and it being there to call for help!
A bargain here methinks. Mobile and £20 air-time for ££29.95. Old type phone mind, but owt newer would confuse me?
So I called in the O2 shop on Clumber Street to see how much a Pay-as-you-go phone would cost me. But no one moved when I entered the shop, just gave me suspicious looks?
So I limped over to Victoria Shopping Centre and called in the first mobile shop I came to ‘Phones 4 U’, and was approached on entry by a chap who immediately reminded me of ‘Private Walker’ from ‘Dads Army’ Nudge nudge, wink wink type like!
Anyway, he soon got sorted with a phone for £9.95, set it up and got it going like for me. I bought £20 air-time I think they call it, so got it all for £29.95. Even if he was a little unenthusiastic about it. So now, I can keep it in me bag all the time, and know if I do forget me main one, I’ll have a life-line. (5p a minute) All I’ve got to do, he says, is make one call a month. What do you think? Did I do right?
QMC this morning
So off the charity shop and donated me bits.
Then to the NHS centre. Bless ‘em, they got me an appointment for the morning with the GP.
Then I was off to catch the bus to the hospital.
Read a bit of me Eric Morecome book en route. The sunshine is out now, so in celebration I took a photo of the entrance.
Bulwell’s bustling market?
They soon saw to me, and I was out (Raining now) and in the queue for Bulwell bus.
Arrived in Bulwell, limped off the bus (Me knees had stiffened during the ride)
The crap Market was on today. I went in the pound shop to get some weed-killer.
Then a walk to the cheapo shop, but they had nowt worth bothering about in again.
Gorgeous!
Then to Fultons Frozen Food shop, and got another pack of the microwave sausages. (Oh I do love em!) I hope I can get me frozen lollies in the freezer that I ordered for tomorrow. (Yer see, any normal person, would not have bothered to share that with you would they – Worrying innit?)
Mobility scooters were around in number today… oh dear.
Great read this
I limped to the bus station to catch the 17 back to the flea-pit, big queue. Read more of Eric Morecombe book.
Dropped off at Carrington, walked to the hovel.
Put kettle on, started laptop.
WC.
A constant danger to hobbling Inchcock these!
Had a search for me mobile – no luck yet, but I’m sure I saw it earlier this morning.
WC.
Started to do this blog.
WC.
Found mobile in bathroom. Why I didn’t think earlier of looking between the shaving foam and fresh air sprays I’ll never know. I’m glad I did though, because I also found me spare glasses.
