
Ode Of Thoughts
Tuesday 11th August 2026
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Alright, I’ll start again, then…
I stirred, coughed, and the pains from my bruised coccyx forced out a little argh under my breath. Bent down to take off the night Catheter bag, and Dizzy Dennis and Arthure Itis joined in the assault. I decided a wash, teggie cleaning and shave was needed. As I hobbled to the wet room, the knees and long, toenail-nailed toes, which had curled under the toe and caught on the carpet, produced some bad language from me. Shaking-Shoulder-Shirlely kicked off, and Lost Balance Belinda almost had me over as I went into the wet room, nearly dropping my three-pronged walking stick. Preparing the shaving tackle, I was laughing off the pain, and an evacuation from the rear-end started of its own accord; this proved to be one
I’d got the lather on, and blow-me-down, another evacuation started! Yet it was a rock-Hard torpedo job.
Three different performances. Hehehe!
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Iceland order arrived.
Afternoon, Carer Ejaz came. We caught the bus down to Mansfield Road, and it was agony! Each time the bus went around a corner or hit the rocks and cracks on the road, I had to lift myself up quickly to avoid pressurising the bruised coccyx, which brought on the arthritis in both knees! I’m rushing now, leaving a lot of stuff out, because it is so late; the last caller just arrived. You’ll understand, maybe, when I write with a fresher outlook to finish this blog. Sorry.
We walked to the ATM, and Ejaz helped by watching me to make sure I didn’t cock it up and lose my card (this has happened several times). Called at the Continental Foods Store; I’d have written the name, but I forgot what it was, but remembered what it was in the morning… well, afternoon. Ozen.
I forgot to take the Kodak Tim 2 with me, Grrr!
Ejaz got the last six bottles of Carter’s Soda Water and lemon wafers. Well, here’s a photo of the food I took later after getting home. Making a mess of this; I can’t spend much time (Wednesday), and I’ve got to get dressed and prepped for the trip to the hospital.
We got to the bus stop; Ejaz was worried about being late and overstaying his visit, and I felt guilty for not understanding what he told me earlier, letting him down, and I paid the price.
We’d just missed the bus. I felt terrible. Ejaz was getting annoyed and said we’d have to walk back up to the flats; I’m already late for my next client. I had to keep stopping repeatedly, for Anne Gyna was giving me Hell and breathing was so painful. Not to mention the back, the knees, the poor toes (had to wear slippers), and I got the dizzies a couple of times.
Got back to the flat, asked Ejaz to leave the bags on the bed. He gave me a painkiller. Off he went. No high fives.
Minutes later, the door chime went; it was Ejaz coming back. I let him in, and went back to the room, and saw he’d left his headphone thingamajig. I took it to the door and handed it to him. Swapped high fives.
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He’s so Caring & attentive, as is Mirza.
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I worked on this blog until Carer Prem came.
Hopefully his calling back about his music phone thingy was a good sign, and he’ll forgive me.
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Making a meal now; I hope to take a snap and find a way to add it to this blog. It took me hours to find the photo of the day’s meal. I’d taken it without the SD card in the camera. A regular failing of mine, mind you. Hehehe!
The blue cheese I purchased at the Continental Store was most disappointing. It cost me £4 for 120g. I expected it to taste like Roquefort cheese. A great, weak-flavoured cheese this was. The foreign name on it was- I’ll get the pack out of the bin… Gorrit! It reads: Turkish – Detected: ‘Yörem, Kars Küflü peynir.’ I put this into Google’s translator; it gave me “Yörem, Kars Mouldy Cheese”. That was a surprise. But not such a big one was how tasteless it was. Humph! £4 worth!
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TTFNski Each
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Tag: Haemorrhoid Harold
Inchie Today: Monday 10th August 2026
So many things happening,
I’m not coping well with them.
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Inchie Today: Sat/Sun 8/9th August 2026
SATURDAY 8th AUGUST
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An even worse day today, for memory.
Notes virtually unreadable. Made a lot of them as well; I deciphered a few bits. Not a lot, I admit. I’ve got to stop doing this. I cannot understand why this new affliction has come on so quickly, as well. Three days now.
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Porcelain Throne a Constipation Conrad style.
Carer: Oxycodone taken. Arthritis in neck, far worse.
Phorpained shoulder, neck and knees.
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Carer Ahmed: Said he would arrange a takeaway meal for me from the Willow House. Then found they will not enter our flats; we have to fetch food from the lobby door. I thanked him, but gave up on the idea. Ahmed said he could collect it on his way in. Smashing!
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I called Jenny. She offered to get the British Gas non-showing of electricians on four occasions, on Monday, bless her cotton socks.
The next page was total rubbish; I could hardly make of a handful of words. Eyesight is the problem, I think, the Cararact? Don’t know.
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Ahmed returned, and I realised he meant another day. The Willow was closed. Jenny 🧑🏼❤️🧑 said she could go down to fetch me the meal. So kind. But, of course, it did not come. I had to have a meal of bread, tomatoes and crisps. Just too tired to make anything.
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SUNDAY 9th AUGUST
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Making the hobble to the wet room, I had so many bodily pains, I didn’t know which was the worst.
When finally getting up from the porcelain, I grabbed then dropped the new toilet roll. I don’t think I need to tell you what it fell in, do I?
I cautiously bent down holding the grab bar, and gave myself one heck of a toe-stubbing! Right on the longest-
The Carer arrived later, taking a photo and commenting on my expanded middriff. The feet and toes were a bother all day. I can’t wear slippers of shoes. I may manage to bear the slippers on, if I get someone to help, and cut a knick in them? Of course I’ve not had the Catheter leak on me for several days, so I might risk cutting them, so I can wear them for the hospital visit on… on, erm… just checked on the calendar, this Wednesday. I’ll get it in the neck for not taking a
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Carer Ahram came while I was working on the first part of this blog. Barrier creamed the belly mould, underarms and Phorpain gelled shoulders, underarms, man-breasts and neck for me. Heeven spees mopped the kitchenette floor. This lad only needs asking once.
He remembers, and is a nice, gentle bloke.
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Ahmed: Surprisingly, on his teatime call, when I asked him to change the Catheter pouch for me, he didn’t do it. But did give my feet a wash and dry, putting on athlete’s foot powder afterwards, and issued the medication, followed by a full safety check of the flat.
The feet are now feeling a little less painful.
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Having very little fresh food left, I’ve made an order on Iceland for Tuesday or Wednesday. I investigated what tinned food I can pick from. (Five out of date found).
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I was so worn out, mentally and possibly physically, that I did not eat the prepared meal. I’ll have it tomorrow, earlier if things work out, before the fading and tiring-out dawns on me, and Arthur Itis and Shaking Shoulder Shirley kick off. These two and Colin Cramps are virtually guaranteed around 20:00hrs.
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Inchie Today Friday 7th August 2026
Sorry, such a busy day.
Even though British Gas did not arrive again.
Heard nowt from the toenail cutter,
(I’ll be a cripple soon. Humph!)
The kind Social Lady arrived.
Help from Carer Ejas appreciated.
Unfortunately, had a seizure.
She gave me a good Q&A session.
But the seizure left me so confused, I’ll have to ask Ejaz for the details of what happened from when I came out-of-it. Saturday morning, I felt even worse.
Thankfully, recovered about noonish.
So could not do a blog as such.
I put some old blogs on,
Now, to start Saturday’s blog…
I’ll try to get some details from the depths of my warped, infected memory.
Inchie Today Wednesday 5th August 2026
Just thought I’d mention it.
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Humankind has not learnt a lot, have we?
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I got even more annoyed and stroppy by the time I’d disinfected and put layers of paper towels down repeatedly, and the coccyx, lower back and Dizzy Dennis kicked off with all the bending.
terrible start to the day; well, usual start for me.
Depression is starting an early heyday… again.
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So much for promises.
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Carer Ahmed did the noon call, I think. A nice chap, willing and ready to help.
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The teatime lad was his usual self.
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Carer Mirza did the last call. A short one in which he perused the emails, none needing attention. Then he filled in some more of the Mad House paperwork.
Another treasure, dedicated Carer.
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I wonder why?
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I need some chiropody,
Will my night Catheter again go leaky?
I hope my night will go dreamlessly,
Will Thursday go exacerbatingly?
I’d love to have an Epiphany…
British Gas: What a crap company,
They promised an engineer would visit me,
Three times this year; verisimility,
Lies, fibs, from the BG Oligarchy,
I’ve fractured anconeus, wrist and knee,
Catheter, obviously I can’t voluntarily pee,
Mechanical aorta, TBI, brain injury…
Constipation & Peripheral Neuropathy.
Dementia, seizures, and poor memory,
Ingrowing toenails, piles, since 2023,
Love cheesy potatoes, beetroot & boleti,
I suffer deafness and indeterminacy,
Confused over life’s insubstantiality,
Intangibility, vagueness, and ethereality,
Gawd, I do miss sexual reciprocity!
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I ate all of it, except for the sticky Tiryaki sauce-covered potatoes that had stuck themselves to my body: testicles, legs, stomach, etc. The cushion, the carpet, the chair arm, and I found one had attached itself to my foot. I thought I’d got a blister or carbuncle coming up. Haha!
I cleaned the mess up, between bouts of cursing. Went through agony bending to clean it up, got the dizzies, and at one time, fell on my coccyx; that didn’t help my mood in the slightest. The cursing increased, but I did realise it was now the early hours of the morning, so I kept down the volume of my obscenities and expletives.
I cautiously took my time when doing the washing up and putting away the cleaning materials used.
The lower back, bruised coccyx, my right shoulder and left fractured knee each had a visit from Arthur Itis, and I had to give up getting into the bed, just too painful to find a comfortable position to accommodate the pains.
So, I moved and added cushions and folded towels on the recliner, enough to get into a bearable position, painwise.
Got settled, and confound it; started worrying if I’d turned off the cooker, turned off the taps, or left the fridge door open. I just had to check these things!
Grappling my way up out of the c1966, £300 Oxfam charity shop-bought, wincingly grotty, beige-coloured, crumb-covered from my nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, positively unhealthy, and dangerous, no longer operational, virus-breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, catheter-tube-trapping recliner, my coccyx was the main botheration; after all that time getting into a comfortable position, too. The feet and knee joined it as I hobbled into the kitchen; but I was so pleased I’d checked things, I’d cleaned the pots, and put the ceramic bowl back in the slow cooker earlier, but left it switched on!
On the way back to the recliner, Shaking Shoulder Shirley started going. Then, it’s happened many times; my memory of getting back in the recliner was so painful, but I cannot recall doing so? When I did wake up, the acid taste was up in my nose and mouth, so I had more nocturnal seizures, I imagine.
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Inchie Today: Mon/Tuesday 3/4th August 2026
MONDAY
From the Warfarin Nurse.
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Dodgy BP on second mock run.
over 180, did not ring 111.
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ICC Carers phoned in reply to my request to stop the longer visits, due to their ineffectiveness and financial limitations. I was told that Ejaz would be doing all the long calls this week; the days would be changed. No mention of stopping them? No mention of the times they did not come, and I was still charged. At the time, I was just glad that he would be serving me once again.
The rest of the day was mental mayhem.
I was so far behind with the blogs and medical things, and this made it harder to recall. There were some notes on Monday’s page on the pad, but written so poorly I had to guess at some bits, but could only decipher about 15% of
Argh! I woke up to find that the new nocturnal bag had leaked all over the carpet! Took ages and a lot of back pain to sort it out. ICC phone call (above).
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Carer Ejaz did the long visit. A great help in sorting things as usual. As I stood up to get paperwork, my dizziness came on, and I fell over into the chair, as the knee gave way. Hitting my coccyx and head at the same time. Struggled around in the chair so as not to fall out-of-it. Ejaz was in full control and was a blessing.
(Oddly, I recall all this bit)
A day of Catheter shortage, and Ejaz called for supplies for me. All the rest of the page? Unreadable.
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Sorry, I made a mess of this.
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TUESDAY
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I decided, well, very nearly, that I had to get up earlier today. Remembering my last two mornings, which took ages for me to stir and to get up and were filled with many droppings-offs. When I actually tried to get up, the agony from the coccyx bone was so bad, it took such a lot of gentle manoeuvring to ease the pain; it was 06:30hrs!
But I dropped off! This was followed by at least a dozen more trips back into the land of nod. Once on my plates of meat, the agony had turned to a little bit of discomfort.
For the rest of the day, it remained the same. It only stung me badly when I stood up or sat down. Curious about this, I took off the night Catheter bag and got the computer on to ask Google about the coccyx bone. Fearing another injury that I couldn’t afford trips to the A&E anymore, I gave the details and got this reply.
“A bruised tailbone causes lower back pain, swelling, and tenderness that typically heals on its own within four to eight weeks. (Good to read) Relief comes from using an ice pack wrapped in a cloth, taking over-the-counter pain medicine like ibuprofen, and sitting on a special ring or wedge cushion.” An ice pack? Would that mean me going shopping for some? I can’t afford a Carer to go with me, so that is out. Ibuprofen. With the arthritis being so bad, I’m already using my max-allowed three times a day in liquid form to control arthritis in the fractured knee & wrist, lower back, neck, and right shoulder and arm.
But I was pleased it would dissipate later.
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While on the computer, I got emails coming in. One got to me and started self-lambasting and swearing at myself,
Your order will be delivered today at…
The times I do this! People say, well don’t order any then!
Thanks to a mixture of the TBI, Depression, frustration & premorbid cognitive impairment, maybe helped along by
Concussion: A mild hit to the head can disrupt brain work and cause short-term confusion or memory loss. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI): Hard blows or accidents damage brain tissue, making it hard to form new memories. Stroke: Blocked blood flow or a silent stroke harms brain cells and leads to sudden or slow memory decline; I’ve had them all!
Depression and Anxiety: Emotional stress and low mood make it hard to focus and remember daily details. (Oh, yes!) Vitamin Deficiencies: Low levels of vitamin B12 hurt nerve cells and cause forgetfulness. (I’m on B12 vitamin tablets, but they are not given to me by the Doctor; a Nurse brought some. The carers will not issue them or remind me to take them; I forget. Of course, they must be out of date by now. Sleep Apnea: Bad sleep deprives the brain of oxygen and harms recall.
I’ve had or got them all! I’m just greedy for agony!
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Off to the Porcelain Throne now;
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Reading my notes, with difficultly…
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Meal of the day,
smoked mackerel, mini gherkins,
pickled onions, soft sourdough
bread with no-butter, butter.
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Inchie Today: Sunday 2nd August 2026
SUNDAY 2nd AUGUST 2026
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Topsy-Tervy Today
Shortened due to time lost with the blood pressure issue. Not a lot… but being the dedicated young rascally lad that I am, I started this blog as soon as it was possible.
Monday morning at 04:00hrs.
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Short but not sweet, I fear.
So many changes, so many new problems. So far behind with everything. So many phone calls; Doctor, INR, and Cardiac blood, British Gas, so many unsolved issues…
Oh, that’s for Monday. Tsk!
I may not be back, Humph!
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I rang them and told them I’m feeling unwell. She put me through to another department. I answered the questions. And they sent an ambulance to check me out. I feared the very thought of going back into the hospital. I’ll try to cut this short, as it is now 19:30hrs on Monday.
Q&As, many tests, and they gave me a leaflet thingy, telling me not to do BP tests until after the Carer comes, as the ticker and blood tablets are given in the morning. I thanked them, apologised for bothering them, and they were packing up their tackle when one got a phone call.
I was whisked off. Many tests, much sitting around waiting for the results, and I got a lift back home.
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Near teatime, but I’d thoughtfully told the Carers not to call at lunch or teatime, and I’d ring if kept in, back to some out of sync & timing events.
Disappeared by morning.
TTFN.
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Inchie: Friday 31th July 2026
Friday 31st July 2026
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A Little Moan & groan to start… Sorry.
I/ve had a few days of bad depression; I sometimes get to the stage when I lose interest and despise myself for doing so. Take it as it comes. But not this week.
My invented helper,
My problems in tackling problems are not something I want. The Dementia is getting worse; no question. I cannot do something one day and can the next. Obviously there is more to the effects. Like remembering what has and hasn’t been done. Many folk in my position have these and other problems to cope with. How come this morning I can write things like this? Yesterday, another example, both bad days for depression?
I loathe myself for dropping, walking into things, forgetting things, but most of all, my inability to get to the bank to sort money out. If I go, it will cost a fortune that I don’t have; my balance is that low. Taxis & Carers to go with me, likely to be £60, based on what I have to pay for taxis to and from the QMC-A&E when the Catheter blocks. (Why they sent me to A&E is unknown.) The nurse told me to get a taxi as it would be quicker than an “ambulance.” And classed as a medical emergency. I arrived at A&E, and it took 4 hours to be seen. During which, the Catheter remained painful and blocked; Then he could not get the tube back in on two tries, went to another office, and it took that man twice to fit it in. I’m missing chunks out from here on, after seeing the waffle I’ve already put on.
Last time I went, the taxi there cost more than usual, and I did not have enough to get one back. I got no guides or facts given about frequencies of changes. Or how to undo and refit the tube collection array on my leg. The only thing said was: do not let the array fall loose! It fell off the following morning.
I’m due a visit to the Nuthall Hospital in August. But will not be able to take a Carer to answer questions. Hopefully I can get a lift from Easy Link, if their bus does not break down again like last time.
So, you see here approx’ 15% of my problems. Huh!
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I gorrup at 06:40; (depressed without cause) The first thing I noticed was the night bag on the floor, in the same position it was when I got my head down. I cannot recall being woken up overnight. No
There was plenty of urine in the bag as well. I got the BP tackle out and left the night bag on the recliner, and did the BP tests. BP high; BP was 170/70, pulse 68, Temp 35.5, blood 95 high, 78 low. Had it much worse these last three weeks. I think this is why Matron took a photograph of the Excel recording sheet with her.
Ah, Matron, my only hope to get in a home.
Matron said that it is getting harder to find space.
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A most rapid sudden requirement for the toilet arrived. Nothing new about this, this last week. I think it was a fourth first-morning visit on the trot, and I barely got there in time; my excrement suits itself when it wants to evacuate. A Trotsky Terence job again.
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I emptied the night bag and returned
That got me worrying. The very thought of going to the damned uncaring QMC A&E deepened my depression and frustration. Not to mention the £30 or so that would be needed to get there and back, for the taxis.
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I started to get things ready, paper towels and glasses put in the three-wheeled walker as I got it from the balcony. Got the trousers and jumper out. Could not get the shoes on, but managed to get a pair of slippers on. I was going to ring DG. Realising the Carer’s due around 0800hrs, and decided to wait for him so he could get my proper outside shoes on for my feet, and help with the trousers.
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0800hrs, the Carer arrived. I did not mention the blood problem for fear he would ring for an ambulance.
Medications: Porphyrin pain in the shoulder and neck.
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I got today’s grusone daily Ode created; I’d sunk back down again in spirits, self-pity had to be avoided.
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Then caught up with finishing yesterday’s post. But throughout the day, my concentration was once again cognitively weak. Easily sidetracked, disoriented, warped at times. None of these was helped with the eyesight getting worse. I’ll be glad to get one of the eyes done; when? No idea, waiting for the summoning appointment to arrive. My mind was the second concern today.
The Bank situation being the top one.
I’m missing
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It’ll have to be eaten mashed.
Or maybe roasted slices?
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The floor greenery is going
Still look beautiful up in the sky though.
But the lack of rain and too much heat is destroying the greenery all around.
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Taste Rating: 7/10.
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Inchie Today: Thursday 30th July 2026
UK’s Latest Flare-Up
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Thursday 30th July 2026
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06:10hrs, almost an
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I took off and emptied the nocturnal night bag, cleaned the room’s furniture. Then had a wash, shave, and was about to clean my teeth, and the intercom rang out. I got to the panel, but it had gone wonky again: no sound, but it showed the view for a second. It was a food delivery.
My depression sank again. Why the Hell, how the Hell, did I order food again? I think I may have made the order for next week; later, I found it recorded for next Thursday on my calendar. I tried to blame it on my Arithmaphobia, the Premorbid Cognitive Impairment, Toothache Tiffany, Fractured Knee Frank, Arthur Itis, anything but myself. I lost the plot there again.
He helped me get the food into my carriers. Then asked me to amend my telephone number on the J Sainsbury site; he tried to phone me earlier, and the number JS gave him was not recognised. Also, next time you get the day wrong, or forget it, or are unprepared, I can call. Hehe!
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I tried to get my slippers and protection pants on. Coped with the PPs, but the slippers were too painful.
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He took this shot of my extremely long-nailed, painful, Raynaud’s phenomenon-ridden toes. But the legs and feet have lost all their swelling. He is doing a long visit at noon. I asked him to replace the day Catheter bag. He still thinks it is two-week changes.
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I got on the computer and swiftly got lost with what I was doing, done or going to do. Thus, three hours later when the Carer returned, I’d only just updated yesterday’s blog.
I asked him again if he would go shopping with me. No answer. So I pointed out he refused to yesterday, saying he’s going tomorrow. I had to convince him, and showed him the vegetable stew I’d been making. How can I have a vegetable stew without potatoes? He scowled a little, but I put pressure on him and by the time he’d dressed me and we got to the bus stop, he was back to normal. Sat on the bench with his mobile out.
We were soon in Sherwood, and walking up Mansfield Road towards Ozan store, Carer told me we must hurry. I said I’m doing my best, and gave him an Inchie stare-
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Paid up, and back up to the bus stop. Carer sat down on the floor near the bus stop; due in 18 mins and back on his mobile. I kept talking to him, which was not appreciated. So rabbited on even more. Hehehe!
Back to the flats, and the lad seemed to cheer up a smidgeon. Hobbled through the three flat block sections, and in the lift back up to my cell.
Carer got his coat on. I said farewell; he said, Arnie-like, I’ll be back. Haha!
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Back to the computer, still struggling to concentrate. Jenny’s hubby, Frank, came in with dried laundry for me. So kind of him. Bless him.
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Carer came for the 16:00hr call. Medications issued.
I was feeling drained
It’s been around erm… I believe it was April when I went for the preop checks, when I had a seizure. and got another last week. It’s been a long time, and I’ve got to wait again now for the operation, well, lasering. Jenny had a similar kerfuffle; she was telling me. When she finally got to have the operation, they decided not to do it! Poor Jenny!
I struggle with seeing the keyboard, especially worse in the afternoons and evenings.
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Carer Mirza did the last call, and very Welcome. The lad is a Gem. I was so tired. I still hope for a miracle, and Mirza & Ejaz can start visiting me again. But, with me deciding to try and cut out the long visits done by the uncaring young bully-boys, I’ll stand no chance now.
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TTFN, Keep safe, and Good Luck!
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Inchie: Tuesday 28th July 2026
I thought I’d caught an alien invader.
Come to see Europe’s raging wildfire?
I had a minutes-worth of Ataxia,
Did they bring weapons, armamentaria?
“‘Twas the light bulb’s reflection, “I get dafter!
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Last night’s meal left me with digestion,
How did it taste? A Good question,
My rating was 3.5 out of 10!
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TUESDAY 28th JULY 2025
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06:30hrs: Bounced out of bed, removing the night pouch as I jumped over the wheelchair and did a few minutes of shadow boxing, as I hummed the National Anthem.
A hundred or so press-ups later, then some squats and toe touchings, and I needed the Porcelain Throne…
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Alright, I’ll start again then…
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I begrudgingly woke up with bladder pains of the flowback nature. My immediate thought was: Shit! I’ll have to get a taxi to the QMC A&E now. Naked, I instantly started finding problems before checking first.
Another £30+ in taxi fares, then a wait of four-and-a-half hours like last time, waiting to be seen. Blood and urine bursting out through the fungal lesions on my
I checked the night bag to find I’d left the smaller day bag on overnight! That was the problem giving me the backflow to the kidneys. I emptied it straight away, and slowly, after emptying & taking an Oxycodone.
I noticed my eyesight was much worse this morning, put oil in the ears, and drops in the eyes.
Then all the other unsettled, unsorted, not solved issues came flooding in. Oligarchal British Gas & Virgin Media. CorelDraw, the bank farce, Neurology, EENT, Nutall Hospital… on and on these worries worried me.
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Some bother with the Carer this morning. I was in a right bad, gruff mood, and I kept finding things for him to do each time he sat in the recliner to use his mobile. I told him yesterday that we would go down on his longer call to get the keyboard I can see. He went through each of the clapped-out keyboards I had and found one that had packed up yesterday. Got it going, but it is still too much hard work seeing it in such a worse state.
I suggested we go to the computer shop to get a replacement; then he told me the man rang him and said he had no lit-up keyboards in stock. Doubts showed their faces, but I said we would go to the shop tomorrow. Then get some spuds, then call at the opticians to explain that I had a seizure at the pre-op meeting at the EENT, and had to wait six weeks to get another appointment; that was for two weeks later! Then we can catch a bus outside the opticians back to the flat. If I have time, he said.
I got him to mop the kitchen floor; it needs it nearly every day, with me being barefoot. Got him to clean between the fridge door; it was filthy. He returned to his mobile in my recliner. I asked him to check the dates on some food in a box behind the chair. Five minutes later, he was back sitting on the recliner, mobile recording.
I asked him to clean between the cupboards in the kitchen. But he just watched me do them instead. I did a decent job too. Then realised it was me who did them. I asked him to sort the dates in the fridge, and he said, “I’ve done enough now”!
So, I was busier than before he came on his second hour-long visit. Which meant that when he arrived for the 16:00hr medicine call, I’d barely started this blog!
I used to love doing the blog. I was so weary, foofy-eyed, and frustrated that I let him do his usual: more time spent on his phone than doing anything.
Which tempts me to accept the offer from the lady to be Carer for me, and get rid of the pathetic young Carer I’m stuck with. No problems with Misra, but he calls on me less often, and Carer Ejaz doesn’t call at all now.
I still sense an ulterior or hidden truth about the way I’m being treated. Shame.
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Sister Jane rang me, but I was at my lowest ebb in years at the time. I may have been less than appreciative, forcing a thanks for calling as I put down the phone.
Feeling ashamed and guilty.
The last time my balance was as low as this,
would be around about 1966.
I can’t write anymore.
I’m a gibbering wreck.
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I’m hoping that Carer Mirza comes tonight.
He did not come; another vote in favour of
getting rid of the Carers altogether.
Without the help of Mirza & Ejaz,
it’s just not working. I cannot see it working, and I cannot afford it. I need intervention from a safe source, PLEASE!
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Carer in other room as I prepped the meal.
Mizra would help me when using knives, knowing I drop and lose grip on things later in the evenings.
Dropped the mug Jenny gave me last time I broke one, grabbed at it and clouted my knuckles on the counter edge and missed the mug, which shattered on the floor. Carer appeared and got the mess cleared for me.
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I wondered for a moment if my plea to go into a home is proceeding or has been rejected? No communication re the situation. But with the crisis in Social Care and the NHS, I can understand if it is being refused.
But I can’t go on much longer financially, or emotionally, with the cost of the Carers, and the bank statements not being looked at yet, weeks after they arrived and I informed the relevant people. The Warden and the NCC Procurement. No communication re the situation.
Understandably, methinks, but it still makes one think about an existence amidst billions, and feeling useless, pathetic and abandoned.
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potato Curlies. I ate the lot!