Well, yer see I met this gal called Marissa at the local Locarno Dance hall like.

I can tell yer, me heart went thumpety thump soon as saw her like.

1954 it wer, March I think.

Well, me being an imitation Teddy-Boy, I thought she’s not going to be able to resist me yer see.

So I approached her, asked for her name and asked her if she wanted to dance innit.

Bit of a jive like.

I thought she liked me because she kept laughing at me.

I did alright fer about two minutes when me wig started to slip – Tsk!

She walked off in a huff saying something but I didn’t catch what she said because I’d took me hearing-aids out first like.

So I followed her to her table where she was drinking Root Beer and Guinness with her mate Shirley.

I asked her if everything was alright like, she replied:

“Oh yes. I like it when a short-sighted midget comes up to me and his hair falls off his head as he passes wind has BO and can’t see without his glasses!”

“Is that all?” I said. I can get some new glue fer me toupee, take some medicine fer me wind have a bath and get contact lenses gal… problems solved midduck!”

I couldn’t understand why the expression of bewilderment came over her face as;

She stood up and belted me with very passable right hook, kicked me in the goolies, tutted and walked off?

Women eh?