Passed on with the aim to help other Senior Citizens
Hearing-Aids:
When struggling furiously to get the hearing-aid into you ear-hole, do not put up with the pain and frustration of failing to get it to fit in… Best to check that you are not trying to put the left hearing-aid into your right ear-hole first!
Going shopping:
1) If you intend to go shopping in Arnold, I advise you do not get on a bus that is going to Bulwell!
2) If shopping in a busy Primark store, be aware that this establishment seems to breed violent customers who tread on the worst corn on your left foot and those ladies on mobile phones who run their child in their pram into your arthritic left knee!
3) Be aware at all times of danger from the lack of driving skills of the mobility scooter maniacs. They can drawer blood and just press unknowing or caring leaving you wounded, shocked and angry!
4) If going to the Asda Customer help desk… I wouldn’t bother. You aren’t even going to be listened too, let alone helped.
Medications:
1) When applying Phorpain gel to your arthritic knees. Keep the toothpaste tube away from the Phorpain tube at all times.
Losing things:
When searching for you bus-pass, never look in the most likely place you think it might be, it will never be there. Try looking in the airing cupboard for instance? (No, I’ve no idea how or why!)
Dropping your cup of tea:
It might be best to make your tea and drop it in the bin straight away before your arthritic fingers force you to drop later somewhere that it makes a bigger mess of. Or… don’t make any tea at all and save on yer intake of caffeine.
BT Internet connection (Or lack of):
BT internet users: You really must try to avoid stress anger and frustration when the connection keeps (‘Cause it sure as hell will) letting you down in the middle of creating something you have not saved!
WC:
Be sensible and never try to hold anything back even for a few seconds, because you will surely fail to get to the porcelain in time as you struggle to get up and manipulate your body into your failed effort to do so!
Changing your socks:
Always when changing your socks try to support yourself through this painful procedure. Best not to lean against anything like a moveable oil-heater… this can surprise you as you slide ungracefully along with the moving heater and belt your head on the sink. I know!
Cutting your toe nails:
You must expect to be exhausted and in pain after this job has been done. Best that you do it when you have the time to sit and recover afterwards. And not before you try to walk down the stairs straight away and take a tumble down the last three treads.
Leaving your house:
1) Before going out for any reason, it is advisable to ensure that you have your hearing-aids in – this helps avoid your nearly getting knocked over by a vehicle you did not hear coming at you round a corner at great speed.
2) Ensure you are not still wearing your slippers.
3) You must make sure you lock the door after you have departed. Even if this means a half-hour delay while you search for the key.
Microwaving:
Always, but always put your reading glassed on when checking on the cooking instructions on an Asda Egg Omelette packet! Thus avoiding reading eight minutes in error for three minutes.
I stirred into imitation life at around 0400hrs and laid there thinking about all sorts of things in a disguised effort not to get up I think.
Raining this morning, but quiet decently warm, just hope the wind lessens a touch in case I have to go out later.
After a while I had to use the WC and that spurred into activity of a sort.
I started the laptop then went down and made a good tasty cuppa.
While doing so, I noticed the sleeve from last night’s Meal-for-two cottage pie that I had devoured with great greed and pleasure.
Foolishly I read the details on that sleeve written in traffic lights warning colours:
Fat 20.4g Saturates 48gSugars 2.0gSalt 1.7g
Not the healthiest of choices was it? But I did enjoy it, but not the guilt now. Took the photo of the sleeve as a warning to any blogger who wants to eat healthily to recognise and avoid.
Still feeling a tad annoyed about the lack of listening and help from Asda yesterday.
Internet and Coreldraw9 going alright this morning – up to now.
Updated this diary to here… hello the stomach’s rumbling… not surprised really because last night when I demolished the Cottage Pie meal for two, I then ate a packet of Marmite bread sticks then the gigantic fresh cream horn. Naughty…Tsk!
I’m scared of belching or passing wind now. Hehe.
Whoops… WC’d
Made up a lot of graphics and facebooked… then the BT Internet connections was lost.
So much for the lying turds at BT getting me to upgrade to Fibre Infinity with their hogwash about “Up to three times faster, more reliable and at the same cost”… Huh!
Two weeks later the cost went up, it ain’t no faster and has let me down more than the old one landline one ever did!
When it comes back on, I feel the need to do a graphic about them…
Some time later, after many rests, closures an opening, and resting of the laptop it came back on.
Humpf!
I set about me daily preparing for me little walk:
I stripped off (Sorry about that… it must be an horrendous thought to you all, it is to me!) and stood in a bowl of hot washing up liquided and antiseptic disinfectanted water to wash me tooties while I had a shave at the same time. Then did me teggies and oiled me ear-holes.
Dried me feet and set about putting me clean socks on – not an easy task with me arthritis, accompanied by me usual verbal’s “Oooh, argh… acht… shit… Ohohohooo, Christus! Ohh!… ha,ha,ha, ohahooahoo, acht, hoohoo, ernyagamunnn owww, oh ah gorrit!
Then similar when I put the other sock on.
I cut me toe nails, but do not want to repeat what I voiced while endeavouring to do this as it did involve some rather crude and offensive words being uttered I’m afraid.
Then I rubbed in the newly prescribed Capsalcin cream I’m trying in place of the Phorpain Iboprufain cream, although the GP told me I can go back onto using the Phorpain Gel if this is has no better pain relief.
I’ll see how it goes for a few day methinks.
Face-towelled all over with warm water and Dettol.
Then I rubbed the Cetraben emollient cream well in all over decaying flabby body apart from the head and face.
Then took me midday medications, Trental pentoxifyllines, Paracetamol, Nicorandil tablets and Codeine Phosphates a little earlier so I would not have to worry about taking them while out and about.
You what I have to endure just to go out? Hehehe, you get used to it yer know. (Fib mode adopted)
Adorned myself and wrapped up well, nice thick thermal long sleeve t-shirt, hat etc and set off on me walk to take some bits to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop in Sherwood. (Not far to go)
As I turned the corner at the end of the road, the sky looked beautiful. I took a picture of it.
It was not as cold as I thought it would be either, although the wind still blew up me trouser legs.
I chose a scenic route to walk on me trip, and noticed two very old carsmin a very bad state of repair. An old Robin Reliant three wheeler, that ooked like it hadn’t been moved for yonks and yonks. And I think what was a Triumph sports car that looked like it hadn’t been moved for even longer than the Reliant! I took a photograph of ‘em to post here.
I plodded on and into Sherwood and called at the second hand computer shop again and asked how much and what spec could he do me a laptop running on Vista for, sufficiently powerful enough to cope with Coreldraw9.
He’s going to call me later. (He didn’t say what name he was going to call me though. Hehehe)
I pressed on and up to the Nottingham Hospice shop and gave em me donations.
I had a look see if they had any good books in while I was there. I observed a bloke examining the ornaments in a close scrutinising manner while I was perusing the books and my EQ told me he was an antique shop owner looking for a bargain. My EQ is very rarely wrong about these things yer know.
I took a photo of him. I haven’t the slightest idea why I did… but I did? Weird is it not? Or is it just me that’s weird? Who knows?
Said me farewells to the staff and limped out (Knees getting a tad painful now) to walk down the hill back toward Carrington.
By the time I’d hobbled half a mile the sky started to look decidedly threatening, and yet even more beautiful to me.
Then the rain started spitting.
I called in the Polish delicatessen shop and got two slices of their tasty belly pork, and a small sliced continental loaf of bread and a jar of pickled beetroot.
Even had a nice natter with the chap who owns it.
I came out and continued on me hobble home.
As I passed on of the pubs, there was a leak coming up through the pavement slabs at the corner of the building and slowly filling up the recess on the pavement – I assumed it was water because I couldn’t smell any hops! Hehe.
By the time I’d gone a few hundred yards further on up the hill, the sky began to brighten a tad and the sun blazed through the dark dank clouds.
Accident weather this yer know, some driver will get blinded with the sun and run up someone’s backside.
When say that… I mean run his vehicle into the back of another! Not… well never mind…
Me feet were aching too by now, so I pressed on again back to the hovel.
A letter had been delivered informing me my house insurance was due for payment again – has it really been a year since last time I paid? I’ll have to nip into town tomorrow and pay it then… risk injury amid the Big Issue sellers, mobility scooter crazies, Christmas shoppers and shoplifters I suppose. Hey-ho!
Of course, when I tried to get to update this Diary of Woe BT internet was not letting me in – well fancy that!
After a few tries it decided to allow me access – Tsk! Tsk! and double Tsk!
Got me nosh ready and took me evening medications.
Decent sleep for once last night, I can’t even recall any of the dream/s I had last night, but just know I’d had them.
Woke reluctantly at 0322hrs.
WC.
Started laptop.
Made a cuppa. Started to update this Diary.
Then took me morning medications a little early, but I think I might have missed yesterday mornings so took today’s while I thought about it.
Did some facebooking and checked emails and blog.
My knees were really bad when I got up or down and I decided today would be a day in and no going out. (Changed mind later… huh decisions decisions… not my forte making them)
I worked on a satirical post for the Inchcock blog for hours and hours – not really happy with it but I might post it later after more titivating of it.
Posted it around 0930hrs – I just don’t know how it came from mu puddled brain. Someone said it was very deep on Facebook. Oh dear… hope it goes down well.
I ended up titling it ‘Inchcock’s Message for the future – from one of his dreams!’
Well must go for a bit now, and get missen cleaned and polished ready for me walk into Nottingham’s different area to get some fresh photo’s for this Diary.
1035hrs: Back in a bit – I hope.
1123hrs: I’m back!
1135hrs: I set off on me walk well wrapped up (me, not the walk like) against the cold bitter wind. Remembering that rain had been forecast on Radio Nottingham when I was cutting missen shaving earlier, I increased me speed to about 1 ¼mph. (Hehehe, don’t know what I’m laughing at?)
Asda Customer Service Desk – huh! Customer Service my….
I took a route through what is called Forest Fields that used to be a posh area to live in when I were a lad. I decided to take photo’s of the shops there now en route to and back from Asda.
It looked a little like rain as I passed Park and Ride Tram site.
But it kept off thank you kindly.
I got in Asda and approached the lady on the Asda Help Desk… Help Desk did I say?
An interesting selection of Polish, Lithuanian and Romanian food here
I told her that I have home delivery sometimes.
I explained to her that I had lost me card and had got a new one and tried to change my log on details for the new card – but when it proceeded the last four numbers of the old card kept coming up with no option to change it so the old incorrect four digits kept preventing me from logging on.
Polish and English food advertised
Could she advise me on what to do to get on please?
I should have know I was not going to get any help then as the puzzled look and frown on her face said it all.
Halal Food store – wide selection of fresh fruit and vegetables on sale here
“I’ll just phone my supervisor ‘cause I don’t know owt about computers…” She rang her supervisor who apparently told her to tell me to change the four digits on the website when asked to because that is what she told me.
Now I was not in the mood for telling her everything again and it was obvious she was not going to get the message that the site was not allowing me to change the numbers, so I thanked her for her help and started my shopping. (Slightly miffed I might add)
Specialist Immigration advice, Visa applications, work permits, Leave to enter/remain and Aslam advertised here
I had a wander around and again bought stuff I didn’t really need: Warburton Thins, a two serving ready meal of Cottage Pie (Hope to tackle that later tonight), a cream cake (French horn) some Raspberry ripple mousse, potatoes, apples, some egg flans, and two multipacks of Asda Cheese Curls.
The Old Roxy cinema building that’s now the Jameah Fatimiah Mosque
As soon as i had to climb the steps out of onto the road I regretted getting so much… for two reasons: First I had to lug the stuff all the way home, second I felt I should not have given them my custom the way they had treated me over my query about me card. Tsk!
I’ve put all the photographs on the right wot I took going and coming back from the shop, I won’t name Asda in protest at their shoddy treatment/service they gave me… Cobblebother! I just did do didn’t I!
The Karimia Institute Masjid and Education Centre, used to be a dentists
Anyway as you can guess from the shops Forest Fields area is very much a multicultural one and unfortunately has a high crime figure.
But they have some very interesting shops on almost every corner of the old terraced blocks.
Medina Bazaar – some lovely looking ladies clothes on display, and a Sale on too!
Of course there are many closed down and some converted to housing, as in any large town I imagine.
The one that stood out to me was an Asian Ladies clothes shop that had some, what I thought amazing dresses on show in the window.
Not that I know anything about ladies dresses just that I like some and not others. These had intricate bit of extra designs on them, really pretty.
The Screaming Carrot Vegetarian Bakery
The Mosque there was in a converted old Cinema that I used to visit sometimes as a young whipper-snapper many years ago. (Well a few years ago he lied)
When I had (limping by now-knees and feet) got into the Sherwood Rise area en route back to Carrington, the rain came – and stopped seconds later? Never known that before?
No idea what this place is – can anyone help?
Still, not complaining!
I cut through to Hucknall Road and went over the Pelican lights to where Lidl’s car park was, and s few pigeons came down at me feet and looked up at me – cooing (That’s the pigeons cooing not me like).
I’d got some seed with me so gave it to them. I wondered if they are getting wiser these birds? Do they recognise me or me bag and walking stick… no I didn’t take me walking stick because I knew I’d be struggling to carry bags back anyway?
I had to feed em quick while no one was looking because it is banned feeding the birds around here nowadays without risking a £60 on the sot fine. Tsk! I am a fool doing it really)
I got into the flea-pit. Well tired out after me walk to Asda – buying too much again and the slog home with two heavy bags (Well, heavy fer me like)
WC.
The clever pigeons?
Managed to get me frozen stuff into the fridge – hope me gigantic Shepherds fits into the microwave and the microwave works – sometime it do, sometimes it don’t?
Put me cake in the fridge for later and WC’d again… Mmmm! Risked making a good strong cuppa anyway.
Started latop internet came on but it was oh so slow again. Damnations to BT!
Udated this diary again and downloaded… or should that be uploaded the photographs and resized them.
The laptop mouse is playing up a bit… what next I ask… What next?
Took medications with another cuppa and Facebooked and then blog read for a while… oh, just went to move and me knees didn’t want me to! Ooh!
I actually dreamt of writing this post last night – so I wrote down bits I could remember and embellished it a tad. Really odd occurrence, even fer me!
Message for the future
The extemporaneousness with which I formulated these thoughts is plain to see.
And as such I believe they may well be of value in later years to psychiatrists’, Clinical neurophysiologists, Psychologists, Psychoanalysts and maybe even Holistic and alternative medicine doctors. Not to mention the inmates of asylums so they understand the philosophical implications of why mankind ended.
Asylum Inmates
It is not that I am an anti-environmentalist or anything like that like.
It’s just that I do not have a xenodochium to accommodate unnecessary textual extravaganza in my slightly discombobulated brain at this moment.
A certain disinterestedness comes to the fore whenever the subject of environmentalism rears its inconsequential non-germane head.
How can anyone with the slightest of EQ not realise that the future will soon be the present in terms of the end of mankind?
Even the children of the affluent wealthy nepotistic nihilistic Politicians, despite their having laid plans to ensure their own and families survive any apocalypse by cunning planning and manipulation of parapsychologists for guidance and the availability of any resources that they feel they require will not subsist the man-made denouement of our species.
I believe these words of wisdom I write here will become pseudepigraphous to any future breed of mankind, should any develop in the future and ask than anyone who can think of a way to preserve them to guide any new species in the future, in an effort to warn them of how philoprogenitiveness , fraudulent powerful social divisions between those who have and intended to keep and those who never got because of this, self-eliminated mankind, and above all greed.
I’ll take a few moments to analyse the causes and symptomatology of this condition… illness, this state of pending.
Philoprogenitiveness – Rife amongst the proletariat since Adam ate the apple!Philoprogenitiveness – It was all Adam’s fault!
Philoprogenitiveness: Throughout the planet this has been a driving force and substitute for wealth within the under-privileged and pauperised classes of mankind. And this only made things far worse in the long run. But such elements of humankind were not able or willing to accept this due to their feeble-mindedness and injudiciousness, so rife amongst the proletariat and essential for keeping the manipulative crème de la crème, aristocracy, and preponderant gentry in control and power that caused the undemonstrativeness and ineffectuality of the lower-classes within the so called leading edge avant-garde nations, who were so enamoured and fascinated with their TV sets, mobile phones, take-away meals, avoiding work, mugging the elderly, DVDs, benefit fiddling, betting shops, pop music, football matches, drugs and sex that they failed to see how they were being controlled by the politicians and yet they seemed happy as long as their Housing subsidy, and child care allowance was not taken from them? If they could afford a drink and the odd snort they seemed content and didn’t worry about things like food and working. Thus, they really were manipulated and manoeuvred into a belief that they were well off by the clever untrustworthy expense fiddling politicians.
The Ebola disease did not end mankind’s reign on earth.
This was started in the UK by the Big Issue seller’s revolt of 2015, when they went on strike refusing to sell the people any Big Issue magazines. (Not that that changed anything from normal other than it was the Big Issue sellers refusing to sell them as opposed to the public refusing to buy the Big Issue magazines!)
The environmentalist’s were concerned and encouraged the Government to import more Big Issue sellers into the country to replace those on strike.
President Milibandski
This was agreed by President Milibandski.
They brought in so many that Lithuania, Poland and many other countries were so low on population their Nuclear power stations began to decay with the scientists having gone to the UK to sell Big Issues this caused catastrophe after catastrophe and the whole world was covered with nuclear fall-out when they exploded.
As the proletariats died off, the crème de la crème, aristocracy, and preponderant gentry in control made there way to their nuclear fallout shelters – only to find massed Big Issue sellers muggers and shoplifters awaiting them, and they tore the politicians to pieces – their frustration and anger knew no bounds.
Unfortunately they could not gain access to the shelters because they didn’t ask for the door codes before enjoying their massacre of the rich.
Whoops!
The mob made their way to the nuclear arms storage depot at Upper Denture and along with the also doomed soldiers, they raided the storage armoury and detonated the stock-pile of missiles and bombs.
Enough power to split open earth’s crust.
Thus… the end!
You might wonder how I can write this post what with the world being ended – so do I?
Last night I collapsed into tiredness and kip really early – about 1830hrs. Woke up at 1225… no 0005hrs and made a cuppa and started work on me blog and posted one, checked emails, did no-end of graphics, Facebooked and read some blogs over the next seven hours… amazing but I expect to collapse early again tonight.
1020hrs: I am now going to struggle get my socks off and ‘ave a scrub down, do me teggies, shave, shampoo and a sh… Then struggle to get me clean socks on. Then put me pile cream on, then rub in me Painphor cream on me knees, then search fer me bus-pass, midday medications, hearing aids, glasses and get ready to go out and take some piccies fer me blog – well wrapped up of course (that’ll be me not the blog well wrapped up).
Do yer know I’m losing interest at the thought of all the bother now… Tsk!
Forced missen out of the house wandering if I’d forgotten summat like…
CPO’s Investigate – I know not what
Noticed two CPO’s across the road at the Nottingham Natural Health Centre, that would be the one where my neighbour went last year, forget what he went for now, but the treatment cost him £900.
Flipping biting cold wind again.
Caught bus into town, and attempted to walk down Clinton Street to get to Primark – blimey the mass of people. Bit of a struggle getting out of the way in time of more aggressive ones.
Clinton Street crowds scared me a bit…
As I turned the corner a youth belted passed on a bicycle nearly hitting a lady nearby. I did my usual and shouted “If yer too scared to go on the road yer shouldn’t be on a bike… I added a rather colourful word at the end descriptive of what we all have n out breasts.
Still to be expected this time of year I suppose.
The queue wot I joined before me injuries…
Got to Primark and boy was it busy, and dangerous too? Yes!
I hobbled around and bought some really thick long sleeve t-shirts, another pair of long johns and joined the queue.
See photo. Good job I had plenty of time.
As I exited the pay area a woman knocked her pram into me left arthritic knee, stopped talking on her mobile to say “Sorry duck” then continued on her phone as she walk away. Bless her I thought.
Then, as I approached the escalator to go down, a bloke rushed in front of me treading on me left foot! Bless him I thought.
I still managed some slow but nifty footwork to avoid (Just) the store detectives as they chased after one of Nottingham’s multitudinous shoplifters out of the store.
Came out £39 pounds worse off, and limping a little more than usual and walked into town wandering if there was an Iceland shop in the City Centre where I could get those egg and sausage muffins on offer at 89p… I bravely approached a CPO and cheekily ask if she knew of one. The look that said “What the #uck are you asking me for” came over her face as she said “No”.
Bulwell Market looking a bit sad I thought
So I decided to go to Bulwell again to the Iceland there – of course I could also feed me mallard ducks and pigeons at the same time.
The market in Bulwell looked rather sad today. (See picture)
I hobbled to Farm Foods and got two loaves for a quid to feed the sucks with, I’d already got the birdseed with me from home.
Then into Iceland and got the muffins and very nice they are too!
Another dumped shopping trolley today
Out and down to the rivers… to be greeted by the horrible sight of another shopping basket dumped in the water!
Suddenly I remembered I wanted some of the smoked cooked ham from Fulton’s Foods.
So I walked back up the main street to the shop and searched but they didn’t have any smoked ham in, so I struggled (The bags were weighing me down by now with all the stuff wot I’d bought like) around looking for any bargains but found none.
As I started out to feed the mallards, a woman on the disabled scooter came out of shop and was on her mobile phone – only the alertness and agility of those nearby prevented her from hitting them.
I wonder if it should be an offence to use a mobile phone when driving a mobility scooter? They can’t dock driving licence points because the idiots who drive them without concern for others do not need a driving licence, or tax, or even insurance by law.
Just a thought – perhaps I can interest Lynton Cox in starting a campaign? He’s good at that sort of thing… maybe not.
Me friends, the Mallards and Pigeons welcomed me with open beaks
So I waddled back down to the river… I think they are beginning to recognise me now cause I was greeted with much honking and quacking by the mallards, and the pigeons amassed in my vicinity – one of them must have liked me cause it anointed me hat with his pooh!
Bless him I thought.
New hat needed now… Tsk!
Pound shop after Christmas methinks.
Caught the bus back to Carrington and dropped off on Hucknall Road.
As I turned the corner the local pigeons spotted me and came down to be fed – but only the few seeds left after feeding the Bulwell ones – I bet they thought “Tight sod!”
Got in and put me togs and food away.
Made a cuppa and had couple of biscuits and set about finishing this diary off.
Faccebooked a while – finding a message from Mike Steeden that some shop is selling thick vests at £3.99 until Friday! Just my luck I’ve just bought 3 for £6 each from Primark today!
Tsk, Huh and blabboozlekins!
Did a bit of blog reading, checked emails and began to fade…
I’ll try to do some graphics but me eye-lids are gerrin’ heavy now.
Hope I can stay awake long enough to eat me Sausage and egg muffin later.
Inchcock had been assigned as Static Guard for the Rempstone College, out in the wilds.
His responsibilities were many-fold, the fishing lake, Tennis courts, Golf area, 5 residential blocks a bank, a theatre, Liecestershire Police undercover car compound and ARV storage shed, library, church yard & Cemetery, Roman gardens, 2 bars, Artwork galleries, tutors quarters, classrooms, computer room, archive room, cellars, restaurants, games rooms, 550 student quarters, a Lido and Money safes to name a few.
A cold and lonely place at night, especially when the students and staff were on holiday as on this night.
He was the only person on the 8 acre site… or should have been.
At 0105hrs on patrol and the wind blew hard across the decaying graffiti’d gravestone littered cemetery…
Creating unholy noises, and blowing up the Guard Inchcock’s trouser legs something rotten, as he made his way across the used condoms, broken spirit and mentholated spirit bottles scattered generously amongst the dog droppings, coke cans, and maggot ridden dead rats along the path on his way to swipe the electronic Security check point, thoughtfully super-glued on the side of child’s headstone.
As he scrambled over the broken park benches, and rubbed the mould-growth from his uniform, he heard a loud bang, emanating he thought, from the end of the nursery drive, in the area of the undercover police car compound.
The customary tightening of the urine valves took place, as he stood still to try and listen over the wind, for any more unusual noises, but none came.
Being one of the more reliable Guards (or so he thought) he decided further investigation call called for – following his Assignment instructions, as well as Sito’s guide lines, he called for back up… well he tried to but the phone network had gone down! (Sods-law or what?)
He walked, using whatever natural cover was available, down the dark dank windy lane towards the gates of the Leicestershire Police undercover car compound, using his intrinsic skills to keep the noise to minimum…. until he stubbed his toe on some broken concrete, then the silent approach had to be abandoned when he exclaimed a loud clear ‘Bollocks!’ into the night wind as a response to the sharp pain he’d accrued.
So, out came the mag-light, he pulled himself up to show his full 5’ 3” of height and swaggered into the middle of the drive, so as to appear brave and dangerous to any possible intruder.
He passed wind and increased his walking rate, putting on his well known bravado swank, and talking loudly into the dead mobile phone…. “ETA ten minute control? …. Silence for a while to give the impression he was listening to someone on the other end of the one-way conversation…… “Roger, but don’t let the canine run free, I have residents returning home all night”…… “I’ll do a quick check, he knows the code for the gate… thanks, out!”
Feeling proud of this instantly thought up subterfuge, that foolishly gave him heart and assurance in his puny skills, the Inchcock moved on showing great confidence, and reached the gates of the Leicestershire Constabulary Undercover Vehicle Compound.
He had no key of course, but luckily the gates were in the same state as the cemetery furniture – rotting and presenting some handy holes through which he could shine his torch, still leaving room for him to get his head through!
All looked in order, but being the perfectionist he is, our Guard decided to climb through into the compound, to satisfy himself that no intrusion had taken place and all really was well. (The fool!)
Once inside, he realised the vast extent of the premises, at least 100 vehicles of all types scattered around.
So he turned off his torch, and used the shadows to creep around in on his self righteous mission to protect the property of our beloved officers of the law!
About a third of way around, and in the centre of the vehicles, he felt something moving about at his feet from under a van, he whipped out his mag-light and shone it down…… just in time to see the blood being drawn from his leg by the police dog, as it began to try and devour his left ankle. (He still has the scars, Inchcock that is not the police dog).
To this day he’s not sure how he managed to get out of there, but he did.
Granted he was minus his mag-light, part of his trouser legs, bits of his sock, his cap, his mobile phone, a portion on ankle flesh, and a few fluid ounces of blood, but he got out!
Only to be met by the fast arriving police cars pulling up in response as it transpired to the PIR alarm activation of the new system put in the night before on the compound, that no one had informed our hero about, otherwise he would not have set it off by going into the compound!
They could hardly administer the first aid due to their laughter.
Inchcock was relatively new to the Security Industry, and thought to himself: “It can’t be as bad as this every-night surely?”
It could and would be over the coming years.
The moral is….er….well, it must be in there somewhere I’m sure!
Started the laptop. Waiting for t to start I tackled the stair down to make a good strong cuppa. gingerly returned up the stairs back to the now started laptop.
I’m weary on the stairs since my fall backwards on them going up them. T’was a dizzy spell not the arthritis that caused the fall. Tsk!
Took my medications, remembering to have the extra Warfarin tablet.
Coreldraw working well at the moment, laptop a little slow. But hey, it’s working!
Got up to WC and afterwards I dropped my bottle of hand cleaner right on me left foot’s corn! I couldn’t have hit it better if I’d aimed it at it… I do believe I might have uttered a swear word.
Did a bit of Facebooking. And a lot of graphicalisationing on Coreldraw… until it froze again.
Still, I did get a lot done and posted on Facebook. I posted an old graphic wot I dun to TFZ, I hope the TFZers like the humour.
Made a cuppa and pot of porridge with added honey! I bet David Cameron wishes he could live as well as wot I do yer know… maybe not?
A lack of human beings in Carrington this morning – no yobs or dustbin raiders? Odd that!
Got missen cleaned up and semi-presentable and Painphor gelled me knees for me walk into Sherwood’s Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop, then hopefully into Bulwell for some nosh and feed the ducks.
Got the Nottingham Hospice shop thing, bus-pass, nibbles etc ready in bag.
Set out from the house taking a picture of the street.
Walked to the end of the street turned left to St Johns church, then right into Church Drive.
Where at this point I had not seen another human being (Using the term lossely) at all! Were they all Christmas shopping or had the aliens attacked and took em without anyone telling me? Hehe!
As I crossed the drive and a car ame passed that made me jump a tad that I realised I’d not got me hearing-aids in!
Back to the bomb-site and put em in and set off again…
Now realising how cold and biting the wind was this time I caught a bus into Sherwood – bless the pensioners free bus-pass issue!
Etched graffiti on the new bus seating”
Dropped te stuff off at the shop and caught a bus into town.
I observed as I sat there with me crossword book successfully failing to solve a single clue that the plastic seating in front of me had been graffitied, on looking around many seats on the new bus had been mistreated in a similar way.
I considered sending an email to Cameron asking if the punishment could fit the crime and the vandals should be scratched over the forehead with a Stanley knife with the words ‘Antisocial dick-head’?
But then of course this would mean that MPs would have to have the words ‘Liar, nepotist, nihilist and expense fiddler put on their heads…? (Hehe) So perhaps not eh?
I got into town and called in the cheapo shop to get some Lion bars for myself this time to nibble when I get depressed… I bought 8 bars at 4 for a quid, good value but I noticed they were very low on stocks and bought the last on show. Tsk!
Caught the bus into Bulwell for yet another interesting journey. For the fact that (I think) there were three people on mobiles at the same time, a woman with three kids talking away in what I think were different languages. Cosmopolitan Nottingham eh?
No problem with that at all – if only each one had not been shouting down the phones! Loud mobilers do get on me tits a bit in any language I mean.
Dumped shopping trolleys in the river Leen. Only one person here – the other would be shop-lifting or mugging for Christmas I expect?
I think maybe they were competing with each other for some reason to see who could talk the loudest?
Dropped off the bus and walked straight to the shop to get some bread for the mallards.
Then over to the river Leen (In a different spot this time) and immediately the mallards seagulls and pigeons arrived around me.
There must be some therapy from feeding the mallards and pigeons that I do not comprehend – but enjoy it?
I noticed that the locals had decorated the river with shopping trolleys near the bridge – so artistic these apprentice-yobbies and vandals here you know!
I wish I’d got more bread now. I used all the bird-seed I had with me as well and later bought another bag in readiness for me next visit.
I called in Iceland to get some Warburton thins and some pulled pork cobs. It’s the first time I’d seen these and as they were on offer at 89p I treated missen.
Turned out I liked them despite there being a hot flavour relish in them. No idea what flavour, but I enjoyed it later in the day wishing I’d got more of em.
Went in Fultons next and they had some large boxes of biscuits also at 89p, so I got a couple so I could give em to the nurses as nibbles later.
Had a wander around the market for a while – observing the aggressive nature of the locals, and the amount of dangerous people in mobility scooters again. Overall the populace appeared brusque and unhappy for some reason?
I caught the bus back to the hoppit as the rain started and at least the biting wind dropped en route.
WC.
Got in and out me things away, INR Warfarin level results had come through the letter-box.
Much better this time 3.4, almost spot in for once!
Made a cuppa and ate me pulled pork cob while watched DeNiro and Stallone’s DVD called Grudge Match.
I surprisingly enjoyed what I saw of it – repeatedly – as I kept nodding off despite my wanting not to. The rewind button on the new DVD player got well used!
Eventually I gave up and drifted off…
I woke up with a start at 2325hrs. WC’d. Started the laptop then went down and made a cuppa.
Returning and imported the pictures and finished this post around 0130 hrs.
Laptop on and working, did posts for the League of Mental Men and Inchcock blog sites.
Checked ‘Little Inchy’ when I scrubbed him up, no blood! I think it is moderately safe now to say after 9 weeks, he’s healing up is almost complete… or should I have said that? Oh dear…
Washed and titivated meself and assembled things for me trip to the Queens Medical Centre Haematology for INR Warfarin level tests.
Card, bus-pass, camera, specs, long-johns on, gloves, hearing-aids in etc.
Set off on my hobble into town and the sky that was so threatening yesterday morning was less daunting, although obviously holding some rain I thought.
Cold wind again but not so strong.
As I approached the Hucknall Road junction, I was taking out my camera to film the sky from the same angle as yesterday when a very loud bang was hear.
I could see passengers in the buses and car drivers looking around – but I could not find what caused the noise.
It sounded very close to me… but with my hearing who knows? A clear bang if that is the word to use?
Another mystery of Nottingham life? I didn’t hear owt about it on the news later.
I carried on me walk up Mansfield Road (0940hrs approx) and the traffic was queuing already on its slow way into town.
A walked through ic bus station and into Victoria Centre to get some Lion bars from the cheapo shop. Four for a pound yer know…
Caught the bus out to the hospital… what a driver I’m sure his intention was to cripple as many passengers as possible… or the brakes had just been serviced?
Still, we free bus-pass merchants mustn’t complain.
As I entered the frontage, I noticed a Christmas tree had been placed in the centre spot in the middle of the road so all those ward windows would allow the patients to see it?
Big queue at the Haematology Dep’t, but I’d took me crossword book so it didn’t matter.
Next time I’ll take a pen as well!
When I got in and I got done I gave the nurses their nibbles to which I’d added a few chocolate liqueurs to cheer em up and thank em for Christmas.
On my way out I noticed the rain had started to fall and stayed under cover a few minutes until it lessened a tad… a good job I did.
Cause I’d left one of me bags behind in the waiting area at the haematology, so limped as quickly as I could back there to find this man and woman going through the contents. They were looking for some identification they said, and handed over me bag when I told them the contents.
I can’t take myself anywhere nowadays… Tsk!
As I came out of the hospital again, I looked down at the lower level and noticed the queue of cars for the car park was not moving, and some cars had been parked on the chevrons and double yellow lines. I should imagine this would be overlooked while all the tram works were hampering things.
The new tram bridge into the compound was being inched into place in this photo from the Nottingham Post paper.
I caught a bus to town but it was a Broad Marsh bus, not the city centre – lethal for me finances that – I had to hobble passed three DVD shops… oh dear… Ans Lorna from the Troll Free Zone had recommended a film called UP – so naturally I called in to see if they had it in stock…
I came put of the shopping centre with ‘The Expendables 3’, ‘All Creatures Great and Small full series’ and ‘Grudge Match’.
Then walked to Marks and Sparks to see if they had any headphones. They didn’t.
I continued on me walk to town in the drizzle, and noticed outside the 24hour McDonald’s was a street artists looking rather glum poor devil. He’d been working making a dog and cat entwined representation in sand and the rain had ruined it. Felt so sorry for him I gave him a quid anyway.
I poddled up exchange walk, not easy with the crowds motorbility scooters, Big issue sellers and people on pushbikes… and got to the top eventually without injury and took a photo of the Winter Wonderland stalls, with all the happy cheerful friendly people (Lie detected!)
The background of the old Prudential building looked grand against the skyline.
I limped up and caught a bus back to Carrington and the flea-pit.
WC.
Had to sort me medication dose pots anew.
All colour coded mind… good stuff yer know. Took me flipping ages to do.
Laptop started, had me nosh while I waited for it to start…
Blow me no internet connection again… bloody BT! So much for them convincing me to go on fibre and how it will be faster more reliable… and they said no extra cost, then the prices went up after I’d been on it for 1 week! It’s the French yer know, they own it… I think?
It came on after a few resets and rebooting the latop… Huh!
Set about finishing this Diary, then did some facebooking and blog reading.
I was bolt upright at 0440hrs – mind racing and with an unconscious desire to get the laptop and internet going ASAP to record something (presumably either an idea for a post on the blog or record a dream I’d had) I assume.
I started the laptop first thing, while it was loading I WC’d and made a cup of tea (Not at the same time mind!).
I returned upstairs with me medications to take and cuppa… but the mind had lost whatever it was that I had earlier intended to record into the ether.
Damned annoying that was! I spent a few moments trying to claw back the memory I’d lost without any luck. Tsk!
I realised that ‘Little Inchy’ was not feeling sore and tender as usual and thought ‘Oh dear, he’s not bleeding is he?’
Had a grope to find the little shrunken mite and checked – No, okay! Phew!
The new cheapo headphones I purchased yesterday only worked in one ear-hole and were not effective or powerful enough for me to listen to the radio or DVD with.
Hey-ho, hey-ho, its failure yet again I know,
But I’m used to suffering with this scenario,
If there is an afterlife and I hope there’s not,
Will I have to reveal my failures of this life’s lot?
Can I tell of me fear and confusion with mankind?
I wish sometimes my life I could rewind,
But what then would I realise and find?
Would I still be thick and colour-blind?
And slowly found to be again losing my mind?
The reason for my doing this ditty, I’ve yet to find!
Graphic that Inchy’s confused brain created this morning… sad innit!
Worked on the graphics for this for a long time and drifted off into a world of my own where things were better for a while.
Then I woke up shivering and laughed at myself as I went to the WC and stubbed me toe on the way against the oil heater.
Still stubbornly refusing to get up at 0805hrs!
Had a bash at Facebook then. No guilt found!
Did a quiz thingy on how old do you sound like – it came back with the result that I Sounded like an Eighteen year old?
Eventually I forced myself to go out into the cold windy day.
A foreboding sky welcomed me on my little walk
Out into the world…
As I left the flea-pits front door I looked to the left took a photo, then to the right and took a photo up and down the street – note the lack of people?
Eerie!
Had there been a dirty bomb dropped and i was the only survivor thanks to me medications wot I was on?
Funny how easily off thought permeate the mind at times innit?
I poddled down to Mansfield Road fighting to stay uprightish against the bitter wind.
There was not a bird of any description seen on all of me wanderings?
Alfred Hitchcock came to mind…
As I turned the corner at the end of the street I took the photo of the sky at it momentarily turned dark foreboding and threatening.
Still not many folk about, just the one woman on her way back from Lidl.
On the row of shops down Mansfield Road, the only ones open were the Fish and Chip/Kebab/Restaurant/Burger shop and the Doctors Orders Mini-Bar Pancho’s.
I wandered up and down the way a bit, and decided to risk going to the get some food from Pancho’s… what a fool!
Limped back to the dump and consumed (Rather bravely I thought after looking at the fodder I’d bought!) the nosh.
It were ‘orrible!
I got one of the other headphones that I got yesterday and tried to get them working on the DVD – crap! Tsk!
Fell asleep earlier than normal after taking me medications.
It was a dark, dank, overcast night, with a roving light mist coming and going, interspersed with a get-you-soaking-wet light drizzling rain.
I was assigned to a site that was about 14 miles out of Nottingham, in the unforgiving countryside, with nothing but the bats, fox’s and the occasional escaped pig from the nearby farms to talk to.
A large site, a factory, storage sheds, garage, an annexe, offices, farm vehicle storage field, HGV parking lot, and a lot of unsecured fencing.
I was achieving my usual full job satisfaction, as I patrolled the main building, the annexe, the 43 parked up lorries, the millions of pounds worth of new farm machinery, the main annexe ¼ of a mile down the country lane, completed my 18 swipe points, as I then tripped over the crumbling pathway that was immersed in rainwater, then nearly slipped over on the muddy course grass rain-filled ditch, the wild grass was so long it hid the craters and holes scattered all over the site.
I checked the vehicle wash, and then the fuel station, (swiping my last point) and turned to start my return marathon to the main building and my dust covered, waterless, windowless, holes in the floor-board ridden guard base.
About half way back up the hill, ducking to avoid an owl or a bat or whatever it was that dived bombed at me, I noticed a torch light coming from the middle of the sewerage field at the back of the transport offices – now, I had a quandary!
Although already in a state, should I actually go over the ditch and into the field to find out what was going on?
I decided I could not dismiss this possible sign of attempted intrusion, being the professional I am. (Ahem)
I positioned myself behind the porta-cabins, and decided the ditch was easy enough to jump over into the field, and it was too – the only problem was I had not seen the barbed wire on the other side – until I landed in it!
After extricating myself and most of my trousers from the barbed wire, I jumped back over the ditch – and to this day – the memory of that shoe dropping into the sewerage ditch as I leapt, then sinking out of sight, never to be seen again, made me glad it was only the shoe and not me!
I hobbled back to the guard base, cleaned up the wounds with the last of my bottled water, and used up the last few plasters from my cars first aid kit – as the fire alarm activated!
So, one shoe on and one shoe off, I investigated, only to find the ‘Bale area’ sprinklers had activated, and found myself paddling through about 8 inches of very cold water, but no fire was found.
The alarm panel reset OK, and I unblocked the drains to allow the water to slowly draw away, taking my last few plasters that had been soaked off of my bleeding legs along with it!
So back to depressing guard base to complete the by now, several incidents reports that needed doing.
While doing this, I put my bleeding feet and legs up on a tatty broken chair, in an effort to slow down the bleeding, when I heard the sound of the horn sounding from an approaching vehicle at the main gate.
I hobbled out through the factory, into the yard, limping down to the gate to give admission to the Night Manager, Mr Collins, who was very annoyed to find out I had no water to make him a cup of coffee!
But this didn’t prevent him from carrying out his duty of care obligations in question to my injuries, as soon as he’d stopped laughing he passed wind, then he offered his worldly advice as such: “‘Ave that looked at leg when yer gerra day off, un don’t forget to do an incident report (I’d just handed him all three, 5 minutes earlier).
Concerned for how I would drive home safely with no right boot on, we searched around and found one old right footed, rock hard, smelly old trainer shoe in the rubbish bin in the showers, and I drove home with a wet muddy left hand boot on, and a rock hard right footed trainer.
The lost boot was never seen again!
Just another normal day for Security Guard Inchcock really!
