Insalubrious Inchies Diary, Wednesday 3rd February 2021

♥ TFZer Nancy, & Clint clinging together in the sky! ♥

—    —   —   —   —   —   —   —   —   —   —

Wednesday 3rd February 2021

Igbo (Nigeria): Wenezdee 3 Febrụwarị 2021

01:30hrs: I sneezed as I sprang back into semi-consciousness, to find my blubberous, belly-ridden body bent, balancing part on, and little off of, the £300, second-hand, decrepit, c1968, rickety recliner, and one leg sticking up on the swivel chair? Vague memories of a dream, I was on a barge or boat on a canal, fog, falling into the water? But they faded quickly. And as I began to try and straighten out my torso legs and arms, the need of a wee-wee arose…

How I wish I’d had a CCTV fitted. And attempted rising back up could be recorded for posterity. The urgency of the wee-wee forced me to throw caution to the wind, and I blundered free of the recliner, no catching my balance, and Cartilage Cathy gave way, and down I went on the worst of the two knees, of course!

Unbelievable! I landed right next to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket), I whipped down the PPs, and hardly needed to move as I was in the perfect wee-weeing position near the bucket! Bloody-good job too! For thing torrented out and being so far down near the container. The splash-back did not spray back out. Talk about mixed feelings at the same time, well almost. Shock at going over, pain on landing on the knee. Amazement at finding myself in the optimum position for the evacuation, No splash-back damage, and free of PMD (Pre-Micturition-Dribbling) or PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling). 

I knelt there, part-surprised, part-giggling to myself, part in agony… and pondered over how the hell I got done in the first place – and then the wish that I’d got a CCTV to have recorded the events. I believe it would have gone viral on YouTube! Hahaha! I immensely enjoyed the fact that I’d got away with things without any injury…

But that was before the struggle to get back up on my feet, although a recording of this, would have people laughing, watching it! I utilised the swivel chair to get myself to the recliner, and after some failed painful attempts to get back up, the next one was messy. Still, I successfully somehow got my bum into the recliner, and I was aching all over, and yet half-smiling at the situation I’d got myself into. And I still wish they had fitted CCTV in the room. Hehehe!

I’ve only been up for about ten minutes. I’ve got Cartilage Cathy all inflamed. Then, I masterly and cleverly, but unintentionally collapsed on my knee. I had a wee-wee, and spread the quilt and cushions all over the place in my painful strugglings, to get back into the chair! What a dépaysement from the usual morning antics.

I nervously got up from the recliner, but things went well, other than an acute pain with the right knee, I seemed to have got away injury free! Which I liked!

Cleaned the bucket. No teaing it, no washing, no nibbling either. I cracked on with updating yesterdays blog. I had messages from My Norton, that took a good while to get sorted, luckily it did it all for me, I just clicked a few buttons.

Despite Neurotramitter Nicodemus and SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley) both doing their best to handicap my progress (they did a fair job of this mind), it took a while.

But I got the blog updated and sent off to WordPress. Then Pinterested a photo or two, they went on Facebook catch-up.

I considered making the first brew of Glengettie of the day. But resisted it, and pressed on with Starting this blog going.

I decided to stop and get the Ablutions done early, just if the Sainsbury order came early… Hehehe! I am a fool!

I got into the wet room, and as I got out the teeth and shaving gear, I noticed that the PPs were getting low. Not desperate yet, if things don’t start over leaking or bleeding, I’ve got two weeks stock left, but I will have to order some more today at some time, but of course, I am only allowed one order a fortnight now. Fingers crossed!

The pathetic and not-fit-for-the-job pads are still there, so if things go pear-shaped, I’ll just have to manage with them, mayhaps.

Then the need for the Porcelain Throne took precedence. And what an odd session this one was. DESB (Daily-Evacuation-Stakes-Battle) between Trotsky Terence and Constipation Konrad, was another victory for Trotsky. But it was a closer thing today, I’d still say the equivalent of a 3-1 win, though. And nearly as messy as yesterdays was, but not meatball or torpedo-shaped, this was a new one to me, not in the Poo-Passing record book!

I’d call it, erm… er… well, mottled-multi-coloured kale shaped, decorated with peanuts?  Sorry but that is how things looked to me, worryingly. The camouflage colouring was a new one too. Silver-Lining-Discovered: The content disappeared with just two flushes!

I cleared the nasals. Then did the teggies, and started shaving. Had a stand-up shower, throughout all of these activities, I only made five dropsies! Smug-Mode-Considered, but I thought better of it, it’s early yet!

Towelled off, and tackled the medicalisationing. I was applying the Germoloid ointment, and knocked the PPs off of the floor cabinet – I didn’t fret about, I left them, to pick up later, after all, nothing to break there is there? I carried on with the Harold Haemorrhoiding.

I filled the small tub with warm water and Dettol. To clean the fungal lesion thoroughly before creaming with Dakacort. And I dropped the tub (Thanks, Nicolas!) Guess what the water fell on? Fungalglobberastions! The PPs!

I panicked, and grabbed at the PP’s, but knew as soon as I had them in my hand, that several would be of no further us they were soaked through! As I was putting the salvaged ones back on the cabinet corner, I was so angry with myself and started to curse, and the spectacles fell off of my head! A lens bounced out, and my cursing got worse!

I took the photos of the legs, at least they were looking very fair this morning. Then, I started a sneezing bout, that if I had got my glasses on, would indeed have had them off again! Mixed fortunes abounded in this session! I took this snap of the moon en route.

I got dressed, put the Indian made Tru-Fit (which they are not) lounge pants, my made in Myanmar (Burmese), zip-up jacket, and the Korean made slippers on.

And got the heath Checks done.

The made in Hong Kong, by the Chinese Harpin Xian Di company, and a most reliable contactless thermometer, read 36.7°c, spot-on that was!

The dependable, trustworthy, Chinese manufactured Boot’s Sphygmomanometer, read a decent 15SYS, DIA 79, and the pulse read at 78. All looked good there!. Well, why not, I’m fed up of hearing me moan today!.

I investigated the NCH (Nottingham City Homes) letter that had been posted through the door. Monday 8th February, the are breeding the floor on Winchester and Woodthorpe Court ground floor lobbies, so no access in or out of the flats will be available from 08:00 > 14:00hrs. When the creeding is done. I’ll have a word with Anne Gyna, Aorta Heart-Valve Arnold, Duodenal Donald, Reflux Roger, and Diabetes Donald, and ask them not to attack me at this time of day on that Monday) Cause the Paramedics will not be able to gain access. Hehehe!

Carried on updating this blog, as I awaited the Sainsbury delivery. I got an email from the company: No leeks, onions, Vodka, or Mackerel. So, only three things this time, a vast improvement, but unfortunately, ruins my plans to make a Chilli-Con-Carne. Still, plenty of other stuff in stock, and Sainsbury’s are delivering bread this time! According to the email, anyway.

Taking a look outside to see if the food van had arrived yet, I shot this view of the moon from the thick-framed, light and view-blocking kitchen window. A shame the Nikon phone has died a death, this Canon one, is not suitable for taking evening and early morning shots, at all. Never mind. Huh!

Cathy Cartilage nearly had me over as I was picking the tea up top take with me. Luckily, being an athletic young man, in perfect physical condition, with reactions of a viper… Ahem! I managed to save the day by grabbing at the edge of the counter’s corner. Then I cleaned up spilt tea!

The intercom chimed out, the Sainsbury’s delivery arrived. The driver burst through the outer lobby door, letting it bang too with a loud thud, that made me cringe! I shall be really popular with the other tenants now! I indicated a shh to the driver! Nice chap, he’d been before. He packed the things in the box and bag for me, put them through the door. He started to shoot off, but I stopped him, and means of thanks, and gave him a can of pink gin. He departed, and let the door slam closed behind him again. Cring, winge and fear of being unpopular reined!

I got food in the kitchenette, checked the items and dates on them. Three days on the sourdough bread, and bread thins. Four on the milk roll loaf! Today’s, on the cream eclairs. I got the bread’s in the freezer, leaving out the sourdough on to have tonight.

I got the grapes, butter, cooked meat, pepper, yoghourt and beetroot in the fridge. Tomatoes in the cupboard, as I did with the seasonings, canned foods, and the passata. The cleaners went under the sink, with the bleach.

Oh, and I washed some grapes to have with the nosh!

The bag of mini potatoes was only dated for the 5th. I can’t do the CCC (Chilli-Con-Carne) I’d planned now, cause somehow I forgot to order the minced beef! (A few moments of self-loathing, and low morale, followed).

I’d bought a small bag of the Mini-Potatoes and a large bag of small potatoes. As you can see from the photo I took of the mini ones (above), they were blighted terribly. I washed and put a few in the crock-pot for later on. But had to dish a lot of them.

Not that I can blame anyone really, with all the wet weather we’ve had, I half-expected this problem. A change in plans for my nosh was made then. I’ll go for these potatoes, curried baked beans, and tomatoes with some bacon methinks. I’ll chop some tomatoes now and put them with the beans in the saucepan.

I set to updating again, the weariness was beginning to fall, and the landline chirped and flashed. It was the extremely nice and patient DVT (Deep-Vein-Thrombosis) lady giving me a check call to see how things were going. Made my day it did! The usual questions about medication problems, sleep, the Covi-19 vaccine inoculations, am I eating properly, and many more, she let me answer each one, even though in the excitement of getting a call, brought Stuttering Stephanie into action, the lady was supportive with me, Bless her cotton socks.

I made a brew of Glengettie and carried on with the updating for an hour or so.

It dawned on me, (Have you ever been dawned on? Hahahaha!), that the wee-wees were a little scarce today, yet the blader feels as if I should be wee-weeing more?

I decided to make a start on the dinner prepping.

I opened the can of baked curried beans into the saucepan, and I halved some Vitorria Cherry Vine tomatoes. Then added some Cirio Passata and stirred it up well.

I’d got the ready cooked crispy smoked streaky bacon to add to it before serving.

Back to the computer, I still felt like I ought to be wee-weeing?

Updated this a bit further on, and out of the blue SSS started giving me a bashing, it lasted that long, I gave up trying to type at all.

The craving for food meant the end of anything but getting the meal served and eaten – so I did!

What a gannet! Curried baked beans, crispy bacon, added passata and fresh tomatoes, grapes, and marvellous sourdough bread that soaked up the juices delightfully!

Incidentally and by the way, those naughty, wicked, not-permitted, fresh cream doughnuts, that were obviously sent on a whim, they certainly weren’t ordered by Inchie! As if I’d buy anything so unhealthy! I only ate them both because I don’t like throwing food away. Ahem!

Got the pots soaking in the washing up bowl. Settled to watch a Kitchen Nightmare episode. Drifted off to sleep during the first set of advertisement.

Woke up with a mega-starling jump a couple of hours later. The right eye was blurred, no pain at all. Not like Saccades Sandra affects me, this was more like when I burst a blood vessel in the left eye and had all that hassle getting it sorted out at the hospital. But this was the right eye, so I assume its a bit of grit or something. But most uncomfortable.

It didn’t stop me nodding off again, and having a great five-hour long sleep! Yee-Haa!

3 thoughts on “Insalubrious Inchies Diary, Wednesday 3rd February 2021

  1. Thats a great graphicilization with Clint & Nancy. A rather beat up bag of potatoes. Nice moon shots. I had a clear shot of the half moon this morning. Not too bad on the legs, SYS is pretty good as well. Interesting looking meal. You don’t want to let naughty, wicked, not-permitted, fresh cream doughnuts go to waste. That would amount to a mortal sin.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Tim, for the kind words.
      The old Dysd back up again this morning (Fri), Tsk!
      Glad you understand about the ‘mystery’ ordered cream doughnuts not going to waste, mate. (Hehe!) Gave me a smile that did.
      Your neck of the woods got a mention in the BBC newsletter! I’ve deleted the blooming thing! T’was about Convid-19, cases inceasing. Keep safe, Sir, and love to the clan.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Insalubrious is quite a mess of a word, but yer does a grand job of finding the less-than-salubrious with jaw-dropping perfection — a thorough and painstaking series of steps — a tour de force. A shame indeed that no cc-cameras were available to capture the action — worra remarkable ballet would we have witnessed had a camera caught the extraordinary event. A dance performed with proper style, timing, and incredible finesse. Were judges present, yer would have earned 10 points from each. Yet, your description of the contortions necessary to successfully arrive at the emergency pail, perfectly positioned to effect evacuation was masterful, wildly unexpected, and worth a standing ovation.

    Talk about mixed feelings at the same time, well almost. Shock at going over, pain on landing on the knee. Amazement at finding myself in the optimum position for the evacuation, No splash-back damage, and free of PMD (Pre-Micturition-Dribbling) or PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling).

    Yer landed right next to the NWWB (Nocturnal-Wee-Wee Bucket), I whipped down the PPs, and hardly needed to move as I was in the perfect wee-weeing position near the bucket! Bloody-good job too! For thing torrented out and being so far down near the container. The splash-back did not spray back out.

    Astounding…unbelievable…evacuation of the century…perfect wee-weeing position…

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.