Itchy Inchy: Saturday 9th November 2024

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I’d been out for beer & darts, I was feeling merry,
I took a shortcut home through the cemetery,
I was between the trees having a pee…
And a voice started talking so pleadingly!
I turned & there was a man who looked skeletony…
I was stunned when he asked hoarsely…
‘Ave yer gorra gasper matey?
Adding, yer the first one who’s ever seen me!
The things I’ve seen, rising from my grave nightly,
I asked rather wearily and sceptically…
Are you dead then? A little sarcastically,
Oh, yer, I snuffed it in 1963,
Did yer die painfully or sinisterly?
Nae, boringly…
Worappened specifically?
The missus killed me!
I went out for a beer at the Apple Tree…
But I drank beer tremendously,
Had a pee up against that tree…
I tangled the zip, and it cut my weenie!
Bled to death, no help around this vicinity,
Off to la-la land, fell down this grave to the hereafter,
Laid there and died, drunk, couldn’t even pray,
They put someone’s coffin on top of me the next day, 
Still, I can get out at night now to play,
I’m sorry to hear that; what can I say?
I fooled yer. I’m just a dead hornswoggler…
Commonly known as the Grim Reaper,
Oh, you’re the soul taker?
I’ll not read the warrant; it’s just a longueur,
You’ll be free of worries & hylomania,
I could let you stay longer, however…
Delay taking your soul to the hereafter,
Can you help the Grim Reaper Grand Templar?
What does he want, your head denunciator?
Fags! To calm his temper!
Just take me; my life here is just crepuscular!
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Moments of Mind-Mangling-Malcolm – Out-of-Its – Sandra’s Seizures –  Mind-Blanks; Call them whatever you like, but they controlled most of this “What-Day-Is-It” – Where-am-I?” “What am I doing” day!
The computer contributed to the mental confusion, stubbornly stopping me from saving files.
Eventually, after the fourth Ccleaning session, I circumvented some of the photo refusals by grouping some together and making them minuscule. And it worked!
I thought this was the solution. I tried again with others, and not only did it not save them, but it deleted the ones I was trying to save them as! So I lost some more of them.
Frustrated is not a strong enough word!
The day did not start well. I got up at 07:15hrs. I’ve been getting up later for some reason. The night pouch was far too deep, a colour to my liking. Searching the nurse’s bags to find a mesh catheter pouch holder took me so long. And proved to be another of my many, varied multitude of failures.
The door chime chimed. Carer Sam came in. The medications were sorted, the diabetic socks sorted, and a short natter was enjoyed.
The Kodak Camera was in a temperamental mood. It kept telling me each time I returned the card from the computer to the camera that it needed Formatting. But this will erase all content on the SD card!
All I could do was to take it out and put it back in again, sometimes up to 8 times!
I shot the room to see if it worked this time. Then I took a snap of my beloved tree copse. Unfortunately, it will soon be bare of leaves. Bootiful!
I got the ablutions sorted. One gigantic mega-torpedo with rear-end splitting capabilities! (Haha! I don’t know why I laughed then; it wasn’t funny!)
Two little tiny nicks shaving that oddly took ages to stop bleeding. The amount of Brut needed surprised me. Maybe my INR level is a bit high? When I stepped out of the bowl of antiseptic-disinfected water that I’d been standing in a while shaving, panged like crazy, and this, at only raising the leg about 2 feet to clear the bowl. Odd that! I Phorpain gelled both Cartilages and Arthur Itis’s knees. Got the olive Oil in both earholes. Blephagelled the right… no, left eye, and sprayed both. Then I rubbed the barrier cream on the arms, hanging belly, and base of Little Inchy. The blotches and spots had returned above each eye, so they also got some barrier-creaming. I added some Germolene on top.
Poor Little Inchie was the next job to tackle. Left till last again, you notice. Maybe I enjoy pain. What’s the word I want? Maybe I’m a masochist, is it? I’m sure Little Inchie shrivels up even more when he sees the tube coming his way.
I went to the kitchen, got the earhole sprayer, and gave both ear canals a good blast of purified water.
I cut some Warfarin tablets in half for the Caregivers to use on their morning calls. The dosage is currently 1½ every day until the next test on Monday, November 25th. I think.
I scribbled some notes of the day on the reminder pad and made a mug of tea using JS Extra Strong and Thompson’s Punjana tea bag. It tasted delicious!

They started coming at me as soon as I got on the computer. After this, they rarely gave me a rest. And here I am, trying to write this at 0950hrs tomorrow morning, with nothing added to the memory notes from here on. It felt like an instant change from being somewhat with it to being unsure of what I was doing. I’ll mention this to the nurse on Monday at the surgery. That’s something else that concerns me; three carers said they would try to get through to Easy-Link for me and get back to me to see if they can do me a lift. I’ve heard nothing. So, I must walk to the surgery and back on Monday (tomorrow). I’m told it’s not their job to ring up for me. I ask them to, cause of the mistakes I’ve made in the past with mishearing what they say on the phone. Face-to-face is a lot easier, but I’ve had trouble using a telephone or mobile since the stroke. Now that the landlines have gone ‘Fibre’, catching everything said over the phone is more challenging than ever. I’ll not bother them again. I felt guilty asking them in the first place.  
Anyway, I managed last Tuesday without a lift. It about crippled me with the effects of the hypos. Hehe! I hope the RSV jab is kinder to me than the Covid & Flu ones were.

 I had the microwave heat-and-eat dishes arrive. It said to avoid staining the pot, do not cook tomato sauces, baked beans, or fatty foods.
I was going to have some lamburgers. Carer Joanne said they are cookable in the air fryer. But because I wanted to try the microwave pots, I put a readymade meal and some cooked beef in a pot and cooked them for 6 minutes in the microwave. I lost the photo along with all the others, eaten by the computer. The meal looked okay and smelt fine. But oh, dear, it tasted terrible. The first time I used the microwave dish, I left it stained already.

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The computer is going to get worse as it has done day by day. I can tell. Fingers crossed, but not much luck is expected
for tomorrow.
Gnash!
TTFN.