Little Inch bleeding a bit – gritted me teeth and applied the Betamethasone corticosteroid cream.
Updated this tosh.
Meeting brother-in-law Pete this cold misty morning at 0600hrs in the City Centre. He (we) will be joining the queue for his free Pantomime tickets in the slab square.
I got missen polished-up changed WC’s and warmly wrapped up and set off on me way to town. Then I caught a bus instead of walking as it was looking like rain would descend at any time.
I walked into the slab square to where the queue for the free tickets from the Nottingham Evening Post were to be distributed and I was the only one where the queue was to be formed at 0555hrs and waited for Pete’s arrival.
I waited and waited but no Pete or anyone else seemed to joining me?
I called Pete on me mobile and he was on a bus en route.
I took a photo from where I was standing, one to my left one to my right. The Christmas stalls were being prepared for opening later.
The Council House lights were on.
Pete arrived about 0625hrs and we had a natter and I shared some nibbles with him.
He explained that I was there so he could give me the coupons required to collect the free pantomime tickets for a 90 year old neighbour of his and Janet’s.
Being stood still for so long the feet and knees soon started playing up.
Others started joining the queue behind us and somehow the rain held off.
Pete took a photo of me looking well cheerful at the front of the queue.
Eventually at 0900hrs the ladies who issue the tickets arrived.
I walked Pete who thanked me for helping, back to his bus stop and had a little ponder around town as the fair got active with smell of Kangaroo steaks, Ostrich burgers and Shark slices being cooked ready for later.
Spotted a vintage type van being used in the fayre and took a photo of it.
Caught the bus back to Carrington.
Well tired and weary.
Had a bit to eat and started to read me book, but I fell into a much needed sleep – missing me evening medications creaming and lotioning. applications. (Huh)
Juan Inchcock, the retired Gas Lamp Wick Trimmer from Nottingham, yesterday took part in a local radio programme where he was asked questions on growing old and the consequences involved.
He arrived at the studio in his pyjamas as if to make a point to the interviewer Shirley Blamey. She was not impressed and they drove him home to take his medications and change into his jump suit.
They returned to the studio where she sat him down on a commode and began her questions:
1)
Q: Where can guys of 68 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: I look in the library under Romantic Fiction.
2)
Q: How can a man cope during his wife’s menopause?
A: Blowed if I can remember!
3)
Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 68+ year old spouse?
A: She should tell him she’s with child.
4)
Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?
A: Don’t wear a brassiere. The additional hanging “weights” should take out the wrinkles.
5)
Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?
A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.
6)
Q: Do Senior Citizens have problems storing their short term memories?
A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.
7)
Q: Do Senior Citizens have deeper sleep?
A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoons!
8)
Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?
A: On top of their heads usually.
9)
Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by Senior Citizens when they visit antique shops?
A: ‘Oh, I have one of these at home!’
10)
Q: What is the most common things that Senior Citizens lose trust in?
A: Politicians, the human race, and emissions’ of wind from their anus’!
11)
Q: What do Senior Citizens think of the Prime Minister?
A: This will vary, depending on if you mean Harold Wilson or Ted Heath!
12)
Q: Do Senior Citizens like modern music?
A: Well, from Nat King Cole up to Elvis and maybe the Beatles yes.
13)
Q: What would Senior Citizens be most likely to give children at Christmas?
A: Arsenic, mouthwash, or a gag.
14)
Q: What foods do Senior Citizens miss most?
A: Beef dripping sandwiches, tripe, dried eggs and pigs trotters!
14)
Q: Why do Senior Citizens take so long to get on a bus?
A: They need time to make sure of what day it is, the number of the bus, are they wearing their slippers or shoes, and why they were getting on the bus in the first place!
15)
Q: What would Senior Citizens most like to receive from children for Christmas?
A: Peace and quiet!
16)
Q: Do Senior Citizens still believe in Santa Claus?
A: Well some still believe in David Cameron!
17)
Q: Do Senior Citizens still bath/shower as often as they used to?
A: Bath.. shower?
18)
Q: Do Senior Citizens still watch Crime series on TV?
A: Not since Dixon of Dock Green and Z Cars, no!
19)
Q: Where do Senior Citizens visit most often?
A: The toilet, the Doctors, the Hospital, and Health Centre!
20)
Q: Who visits Senior Citizens the most often?
A: Care workers, Ambulance Crews, Debt collectors, and burglars!
Of course, these answers only apply to myself, but should give some guidance to the ankle-biters.
21)
Q: Are there any things Senior Citizens do with any greater frequency?
A: Oh yes… Forget things, urinate, attend funerals and limp.
22)
Q: Do you really feel tired more often?
A: Yes, it starts when the alarm clock goes off!
23)
Q: How does your home life change when you reach 68 years of age?
A: You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
24)
Q: Do your views on anything change?
A: I’m against sin; I’m against anything that I’m too old to enjoy
25)
Q: Do you still go jogging Inchcock?
A: In my day jogging had something to do with the memory.
26)
Q: Do you still believe in a good brisk run daily?
A: No… I have a few brisk sits instead now.
27)
Q: Do you need to use Viagra nowadays?
A: Viagra is now available in powder form for your tea. It doesn’t enhance sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.
At this point Inchcock began having involuntary mass escapage of wind and the studio was abandoned.
0248hrs: Awake after some horrible dreams again – some bits I can recall and am writing them now after making a cuppa while I can still remember them:
They all seemed to be connected with my failure to do something I wanted or needed to do.
I was in a big factory and searching for something I could not find…
Then I was on a big ship of some sort still searching for I know not what and everyone who I meet are trying to give me a blood soaked walking stick and or a vial of some purple poisonous liquid. Each time I threw away the walking stick and drank the vials contents?
Now I was back in the massive factory that seemed to have parts in it of places I have worked over the years.
Everyone was stopping me from getting out. I think there were four routes of escape and I kept trying each one without any luck.
Somewhere in there were exploding landmines, old cinemas and security guards? Even a nightclub entrance was in there somewhere.
I think someone, a woman I think kept bringing me Lemon sorbet and taking down my trousers then rubbing the sorbet into my knees, while laughing loudly?
Hey-ho!
0315hrs: The laptop started okay and I updated this hogwash diary. A message telling me of Windows Updates waiting to be downloaded came on screen. I clicked ‘Remind me in 4 hours’ button.
I wonder it all the trouble I had with the laptop yesterday might have been caused by the updates that were removed and are no back again?
Gaz and Lenny of the Internet Health & Safety Monitoring & Investigation Unit
The Internet Health & Safety Monitoring & Investigation Unit head-honcho Gaztop and Lennie are looking into claims of the last remaining relative of the elderly incontinent bald blogger Inchcock Chambers, of Nottingham.
Solicitor Shirley Blamey at the hospital
They are claiming that Inchcock suffered a setback in his cardiac recovery programme, caused by the site being down, and the decrepit pensioner being unable to dispense his usual rubbish for others to pretend to read.
A spokesman for Shirley Blamey-Others Solicitors said: “It is so sad, that due to the negligence of WordPress Incorporated that my client Inchcock’s sister, has had to take this action on behalf of Inchcock, as he is in no state to pursue any actions as a result of his suffering from ‘Withdrawal from Internet Blogging Syndrome’.
Dr Steedenski took time out from treating a patient with a broken finger nail to talk to our reporter
Dr Mike Steedenski (A fellow sufferer) of the BBC (Blogger’s Buggered Consultants) took time out from treating a patient with a broken finger nail and explained: The symptoms of this incapacitating malady include: Spousal mistreatment, Cat and Dog kicking, Temporary selective Tourettes Syndrome, Cramp in unused fingers and Twitches. Leading inescapably, to total insanity.
It didn’t help when the hospital got a little confused and took Inchcock into theatre for a Forced Caesarean birth! Luckily Nurse Marissa Bergen spotted something was wrong when she had a grope to find a little something that should not have been there.
They all had a laugh then returned Inchcock to the ward, thanking him for the little entertainment he provided.
Giggling ensued in the nurses canteen.!
It didn’t help when the hospital got a little confused and took Inchcock into theatre for a Forced Caesarean birth!
Inchcock’s Sister commented: “Fair enough, I’ve not actually seen him for 5 months, and it’s no good phoning the pillock because he’s deaf! But when I eventually heard of how the dustbin-man found him in the back yard chewing on the remains of a pigeon, I just knew something might be wrong!
I sent my husband down to see what had happened, and he found the laptop on – with a message on the screen saying that ‘Google Chrome cannot access WordPress.com’, and several tabs open on various Shemale sites, so then I knew that something had sent the idiot over the top”, naturally any money we are granted I’ll use to look after for him at reasonable costs until his funeral. There are plenty of cheap rest homes to pick fr.. er.. Dr Steedenski now tells me he is getting better! Huh!”
Ambulance men reported that they were worried, as they found the house to be in complete disarray, untidy, dirty, and bereft of any food.
Inchcock’s only neighbour 96 year old Wilhelmina Witherinshaw who talks to him said this was normal.
As they took him away, he had a strong tic in his left cheek, was shaking his head, passing wind, muttering unintelligibly, with his right index finger stuck up his left nostril.
Nottingham’s Queens Medical Centre hospital porter Danny-boy London off duty
The Police Officer in attendance said: “This was normal and is to be expected from anyone with Blogger Withdrawal Syndrome!”
Nottingham’s Queens Medical Centre hospital porter Danny-boy London said Inchcock was being treated for Angina, high blood-pressure, incessant Gobble-de-gook, Bladder leakage, Haemorrhoids’, Impetigo, Arthritis, a lump on his head, and his having swallowed pigeon feathers.
This is to be updated as and when we can get back on the site again.
Little ‘Inch’ leaking again. Getting wee’d off with this.
The laptop refused to load first time; Drive unstable?
Second attempt it worked… slowly, but it worked.
Got no end of graphics done.
I spent hours and hours doing nothing but internetting again.
WC and went down to make a cuppa and returned to take me medications.
Read a bit more of me Blood Red Snow book.
An idle day for an idle Inchcock.
Thursday 20th November 2014
Up at 0320hrs.
WC.
Little Inch tended to. Less bleeding this morning… up to now anyway.
Made a cuppa and the laptop was working well this morning… shouldn’t have said that should I? Laptop booted first time, Coreldraw loaded okay and this cheered me up so much, even when I dropped me cuppa spilling it over me radio it didn’t bother me (Beep beep Lie detected).
Photo 1
About 0500hrs took me medications and beautified my ageing body with carbolic soap, teggies tended to, razor utilised creams and pain gels applied in required areas of me torso.
Morrisons (Photo 1) delivery this morning later, then I’d like to go out on a blooming good walk and take some photographs for my friends on the internet.
Photo 2
Whoops, gotta go, WC beckoning again. Back soon (I hope)
Windows updates took ages to load when I turned off the laptop.
Set off on a walk about, starting with a limp into Sherwood to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop with some bits.
Photo 3
Traffic was heavy this morning on Mansfield Road. (Photo 2)
Decided I’d take a longer walk, so went through Edwards Lane Estate. Taking a photo that showed the mist hiding the scenery in the distance from the top of the hill. (Photo 3)
Photo 4 Fungi?
Turned left and came across a tree stump that had grown the most amazing looking fungi from its chopped trunk. Beautiful to look at – wonder what it is? (Photo 4)
Plodded on and passing Nottingham’s HRM Prison, I took a snap of the entrance and car park. (Photo 5)
Turned left on Hucknall Road and down the hill passing the now being renovated pub where the murder took place last August.
Photo 5: HM Nottingham Prison
Turned right onto Haydn Road, where my mate was mugged last year and up as far as the Junior school, where I saw the odd shaped hut in the playground near the… er… play-thingies. (Photo 6)
Then passed the signs on the railings: ‘Warning Anti-vandal paint used – Trespassers and vandals will be prosecuted’. Judging by the graffiti on them, they haven’t impressed the local trespassers or vandals in the least! (Photo 7)
Caught a bus to Arnold at the bus-stop where the 87 year-old lady was mugged in March.
Photo 6: The crooked shed
On the bus, a rather large lady with a four wheeled shopping trolley (the bus was full) got up to get off and as the bus lurched, she fell onto an elderly lady, I managed to fend of her full weight from the lady as she fell. The poor lady said she was alright but I knew she wasn’t and was shook up. Poor thing.
I alighted from the bus and got some bread lollies and foolishly forgetting I have no cooker or microwave some potatoes. (Twit!)
Photo 7: Warning signs. Tsk!
As I queued at the bus-stop to come back to Carrington, I noticed a stumbed-out nub-end and a brown spread of questionable a nature on top of some new street furniture. (Photo 8)
As the bus drove through the Broxtowe Estate I noticed that of the row of six new shops renovated last year only one is still trading. Nottingham at its finest I thought. I took a photo through the bus window. (Photo 9)
Photo 8: Eurgh!
When I dropped off of the bus and limped towards the pelican lights I was impressed with the shadows being cast by the not very warm sun behind me cast onto St John’s church. (Photo 10)
Photo 9: Retailers driven out of Estate?
I got in and after WCing I decided I was hungry so made some sandwiches and a cuppa, up to the laptop to update this hogwash and… the Laptop start-up failed to load. Got the blue screen with this message (Photo 11) three times before it actually started. The end is nigh! But at least it loaded – I wonder if the windows updates might have cocked summat up?
I’ll never know or understand.
Did some Facebook and graphic prep work.
St John’s – beautiful!
Took me medications and tended to little Inchy (flipping bleeding again!)
Well, believe or not, after I’d got little ‘Inchy’ cleansed and no longer leaking guess what?
Yes, you’ve got it – me flamin’ haemorrhoids started bleeding again.
Grrrr!!!
I think they either come out in sympathy for little ‘Inchy’, or the just might be jealous of all the attention he’s receiving? Huh!
I had a little self-pity period for a bit. The Inch, piles, angina, loneliness, frustration, me hearing or lack of, me cooker packing up, me microwave doing the same, forgetting things, losing things and general depression.
Then I thought… Sod-it, make a good strong cup of tea put on me favourite DVD and wallow. Hehehe!
Sod-it again… now me DVD player won’t start… Fu… flippin’ ‘eck!
Luckily it didn’t bother me in the slightest iota, bit or fragment at all.
A bunch of lads from the RAOB lodge, had arranged a charity football match in aid of a couple of Children’s Charities, all proper like.
We hired a patch of the Forest Recreation ground to use as a pitch, hired the changing rooms, printed the advertisements, got lots of interest and prospective spectators to get some money out of, and the morning of the match, it was well sunny.
Oh, did I not mention… it was a ‘Fancy Dress Football Match!
I was due to be a linesman on the day. We soon realised that not enough players had turned up on the day, and I was elected to play… in my bath towel wrapped like a nappy, with a giant safety pin, heavens knows where my mate had got that from. I think he might have made it out of wire coat hangers?
Many supporters were awaiting our turning out from the dressing room, the local paper even had a photographer there… and the rain came down!
We made a quick decision to play only twenty minutes each way.
During the match, I didn’t actually get to touch the football at all, (none of the lads deemed it advisable to pass me the ball, I even tackled my own team-mates in an effort to get the ball, but being as my footballing skills were notoriously pathetic, I failed) as the rain made the towel heavier and heavier, I was soon glad I had my underpants on underneath, as the inevitable happened and the towel sagged and drooped, then fell to the ground – unfortunately taking my undies down with it!
Thank heavens the photographer has gone earlier to avoid the rain.
The few wet supporters who had stayed in the rain got a laugh at least.
Awoke around 0500hrs, feeling no warmth or wetness from the lower regions, just tenderness?
Only a few dribbles of blood when I washed and Cortisone creamed him.
New Street-Furniture in Carrington
Made a cuppa, and sorted out the laundry things ready for my mammoth washing trip.
Read a bit of me book with a cuppa and took me medications.
Set off for the launderette got as far as the new street furniture (See photo) and realised I had not got me hearing aids in as soon I nearly walked in front of a car, so returned to get them – but where were they?
I searched all over but could not find them getting annoyed with myself now.
I decided to have another look for them after I’d finished the washing.
Commuters on their way to the City this morning
Set off again to the launderette.
The traffic into town had seemed to come to a stop outside the launderette as I arrived to ogle and desire the launderette lady… I mean do the washing.
I got the two machines going and had a walk back to the flea-pit and had another search for the hearing aids. After much frustration I found them on top of the radio? Immediately I spotted them I remembered putting them there… oh dear, the mind doing its own thing again?
I returned to the launderette.
The missing hearing-aids on my mind I forgot to put the freshener into the machine, then forgot to put me balls in the drier.
Sad innit?
Big John arrived at the launderette – he’s got a stinking cold and warned everyone to keep their distance. Poor old John.
Took a photo of him as he did his washing, I’ll send it to him later to cheer him up.
Poddled back to the prison, and got things ready to go out shopping to Bulwell for some bread. I’m still on cold food until I can get some help fetching a new microwave.
I put some stale bread and bird-seed in me bag and had a bit of a walk to the tram stop on the Forest and caught the Tram into Bulwell.
I spotted two squirrels on the top of some dirty bins and scrambled to get me camera to take a shot of them – but they were off too quickly for me.
When I got off and walked over the bridge, there was a large count of mallards I (my favourite ducks) in the river Lean underneath.
So I fed them the bread, and the pigeons arrived on the bank who I also fed. As I gave the bird seed to the pigeons some mallards climbed out and actually ate the seed?
I walked to Iceland and got some bread.
Then to Fulton’s foods and got some lollies.
Then to Herons and got more lollies.
Hobbled to the bus and I caught one back to the hoppit.
As I got back and put me bits away – fatigue overcame me and all I could do was get me head down, and the sleep came easily… perhaps too easily?
I slept through until 2300hrs – missing my evening medications. Some, like the Warfarin must not be taken if over 2 hours late. So I just took the statins, trental and painkillers late.
Not having washed earlier or tended to the ‘Inch’ I did so.
Bleeding not too bad with little ‘Inch’.
Laptop on and updated this tosh.
Angina started playing up again. Tsk!
WC – and oh boy did ‘Inch’ come alive – blood in abundance!
Slept for hours and hours, then didn’t want to get up when I awoke? Not me that.
The laptop started okay. (Not tried coreldraw9 yet)
Made a cuppa.
Did some posts for LOMM then checked Facebook and emails.
Went down and made another cuppa and took me medications.
A little blood from the ‘Inch’ but not so much as usual. Still I applied the Betamethasone corticosteroid cream though.
Beautified myself and got things ready for me trip to the Queens Medical Centre. I remembered to take me Blood Red Snow book for me to rebook it out at the library.
Bloomin’ windy first thing on me walk into town.
Caught bus out to the QMC for my INR Warfarin blood level tests.
I arrived and saw the poor devils queuing for the car park. The queue trailed back all around the compound.
When I was being done in the haematology dept, I nodded off while they were taking the blood. That tickled them somewhat.
But these incidents do make me appreciate why the DVLA took away my driving licence though.
Afterwards I caught a bus back into town and called in the library to renew me book. (Not sure how I remembered that but still).
Walked up through the Arcade (shopping mall) opposite the library when I came out. I still cannot figure out how the businesses in it make it pay. Only about 50% of the units are occupied.
It didn’t help them when last year a bloke got his sandals caught in the escalator and tore off a toe. Then it was closed for ages for the inquiry. Eventually they replaced it with some stairs. Which if I’d remembered before I poddled up through, I would not have poddled up through. Oh me knees!
I had a bit of limp around town and got some bits to add to the stuff for the Hospice shop.
Then I caught the bus to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop in Sherwood.
I called in the delicatessen shop and got some meat and bread.
Where an interesting short conversation took place between me and the chap who owned the place:
Me: “Good mornin’”
Him: “Grunt”
Me: “What kind of meat is that one please?” Said I pointing at the meat.
Him: “Half passed eleven!”
Me: “Er… can I have four thick slices please?”
Him: “Six… thick slices?”
Me: “No no, four thick slices please”
Him:”Right!”
When I got home there were five slices, so he wasn’t far off bless him.
Then dropped off me stuff at the shop and had a hobble back into Carrington.
As I was passing the Sherwood Arms public house I noticed for the first time a new sign above the frontage of the premises and thought how amusing it was.
Husband Day Care
Need time to relax?
Want to go shopping?
Just need some time to yourself?
LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND WITH US!
We promise to take good care of him… just leave plenty of Beer Tokens!
Tickled me that did.
On the other side of the road another retail shop abandoned.
As I drew near to Carrington, the sky became daunting and dark.
And yet it was beautiful at the same time.
Got in the hovel.
WC, then made me sandwiches ready for later.
Watched a Torchwood DVD repeatedly. By repeatedly I mean I kept falling asleep and having to rewind it every time I woke.
Took me medications and had me nosh.
Again tried to complete the viewing of the Torchwood DVD. This time determined to get to see it all.
Gave up and got me head down.
Woke up with ‘Inchy’ calling for kitchen towel usage!
0430hrs: Made cuppa and returned to sleeping bag and read some of the Blood Red Snow book.
0530: Made cuppa, started laptop to update this and took me medications.
Still not feeling up to par this morning.
I managed a decent four hours kip though.
0430hrs: Made cuppa and returned to sleeping bag and read some of the Blood Red Snow book.
0530: Made cuppa, started laptop to update this and took me medications.
Totally ignored!
Tried to take a photo but the new camera wouldn’t shoot? What have I done?
I put the batteries on charge in hopes that this will solve me dilemma.
I looked briefly at the pile of washing up waiting for attention – and ignored them like any true professional loafer would.
Really want to get out today and take some photographs for the Troll Free Zone gals from America, Australia, Canada etc. But I’m feeling drained again. I’ll see how I feel in a bit.
Ru mbling tummy has joined the Arthur Itis and Angina… good job I’m used to suffering yer know. (Hehehe)
Not so much blood this morning I think?
Did a bit of Facebooking and posted yesterday’s Diary.
Cleansed and checked and creamed little ‘Inchy’ – blood spurting again. Getting a bit fed-up with this now. Then again feeling so depressed with everything I’m not surprised I’m getting ratty.
Set off on my scenic route walk to town.
Bit dark but not too cold yet.
Took some photo’s en –route and in town, when the heavens opened and down came the rain. I felt so sorry for a Big Issue seller I bought her an umbrella.
The old library building, now part of Trent University looked nice in the rain. It was bombed in 1917 by a German airship, but soon repaired with great care.
Walked to the 99p shop and got some bits. Then to the Pound Shop for some long socks.
Then I hobbled to Primark for underwear to replace me bloodied ones that won’t wash out. Got some long sleeve T-shirts, my own fault for not going to the launderette that I needed these.
The workers were in the slab square preparing the Nottingham ‘You-can’t-afford-it’ Christmas stalls.
Then off to a cob shop so I would have something to eat this weekend now I have no means of cooking anything back at the hovel. (Double Tsk!) Good job they had some cheapo ones in for me.
Took a photo of shoppers in the rain outside the Cob shop.
Caught the bus back to Carrington and pondered on whether I should get some chips to go with me sarnies tonight or not – I remembered how horrible the last chips were ones that I got from Pancho’s and decided against it.
Still raining, but at least the camera seems to be working. Glad something is!
Got in and WC, started laptop…
Well I didn’t actually, I tried – but nothing happened!
Oh dear, sadness and depression dawning again?
I pressed and held the Start button to turn it off. Gave in a minute and pressed again to try and start her.
Several minutes later message: Start-up is not responding do you want to (I forget the word) reset to a time the laptop last worked? Yes!
Many minutes later it came to life… Phew! But very slowly indeed.
So I got this diary done ASAP in case she conks-out on me again.
Posted it early – I never know when bad-luck will strike (Well I do really… always!)
