Inchcock Today: Friday 30th January 2015

Sorry about my absence recently folks – a most regrettable series of unexpected events having taken place and testing my patience to extremes.

Dentist problems, Arthur Itis, Anne Gyna, laptop dying a death, medical appointments – bought a new second-hand laptop that was as much use as a ‘Fart in a colander’ wouldn’t let me use coreldraw or let me on the web at all – got another one, this let me on the web and install and use Coreldraw (Fair enough Coreldraw still crashes regularly though), feeling so low about it all. Then of course could I find the unsaved passwords and user names?

Then I could not load Word so had to use the free Apache word processor. Luckily it gave me the option of which programmes to link to it. After some farcical fa-lingering (Is that a word… it should be!)

Not a bad little package either, I like it.

Downloaded AVG antivirus and installed it on new second had used laptop wot I’m using.

I wish I could find a way to disable the touch-pad though – I keep making errors and faux pas with catching it when typing or mousing and finding myself faced with complicated pages from deep within the laptops secrets asking me to choose options I have no idea about?

What a palaver!

Friday 30th January 2015

0503Up at 0500hrs

Lousy night full of dreams of which I can only recall odd bits of:

I think I had become a judge or dictator and was passing sentence on cyclists who drove on the pavement: 6 years… without medical attention, food, 0502visitors and locked in their cells for the duration?

Bit worrying that…

Forced myself down the stairs (carefully) and noticed how light it was – t’was the snow that made it so!

Made a cuppa and took me medications.

I must try to get out later to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop, snow permitting and get a walk in.

Started this diary passed wind and visited the porcelain again. I thought I’d got rid of the rumbling innards but back it comes. Huh!

Had a go at trying to work out how Serif Art works… gave up.

I wondered how the pigeons and mallards were doing now the snow had returned – hope I can get to feed one or the other of em later.

The arthritis and angina are not too bothersome yet today, the innards might keep me from getting my walk into Sherwood and bus to town though – I’ll do some graphics and see how they brew.

Coreldraw9 crashed and I had to force close and go through the starting instructions again. Huh! As I was about to close the laptop – Windows updates came in, so I ticked download. Taking so long I left em installing.

Took myself down to the kitchen to have a wash shave and titivationing as the tap twister in the bathroom has fell to pieces. Am I lucky or what? Hehe.

0504Got changed and the bits ready for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop and set off, sneaking the dickies some seed as I departed.

The snow has all but gone now and I felt in decent spirits as I set off up Mansfield Road into Sherwood.

The sky was beautiful – then I was advised by my grumbling innards that it would be a wise move to find a toilet ASAP! Despite the pain in me knees I sped as fast as I could to the Sherwood Library – just in time. Luckily my EQ had made me carry a toilet roll in me bag that came in very handy as the WC there had only those little tiny shiny postage stamp size sheets!

I came away cleansed and proud of my foresight! I felt like stopping someone and telling them… but I resisted.

The constant involuntary wind emissions as I hobbled up the hill to the Hospice shop had me a tad worried, but all seemed okay.

I dropped off the goodies and caught a bus into town. The emissions of wind stopped as fast as they had started – until I was stood up waiting in the queue of folk to get off the bus – the ensuing involuntary blast that escaped will probably result in someone writing to the local paper about it… it felt like it lifted me up – and the pain with it!!!

So off to the Victoria Shopping Mall toilets, I didn’t need to guess, the haemorrhoids were bleeding badly after the nuclear explosion from me rear! Tsk!

So it took about 40 minutes from my thinking how well I was doing and feeling confident to becoming a nervous wreck! Hehehe.

Cleaned up and refreshed again… I had a poddle through the shopping mall taking some pictures for the TFZ gals in the market.

I called in the cheapo shop for the 4 for a quid Lion bars wot I like – they had gone up in price! Damnations curses and sadness ensued!

Nipped into Tesco and got some Cox’s apples (Best tasting in the world yer know when fresh), and special offer microwaveable buttered potatoes.

Had a wander around and ended up in Trinity Square, where I sneaked some 0507seeds to the pigeons. I’m really must stop doing this before I get caught and fined, but there is one pigeon who has lost his foot and hobbles around bravely getting beaten to the food by the others usually – and I just can’t help feeding him.

The shopping centre apparently built the sides of the building sloping to 0506prevent the pigeons roosting – hehehe!

I took a photo from the gallery walkway over Upper Parliament Street, no shortages of buses today in the City of Nottingham… fair enough they were not moving mind but…

As I walked back to the bus stop I 0505espied two mobile food outlets next to each other – Joe’s Burger and chips and Ali’s Lamb / Chicken kababs and doughnuts. It makes me wonder how these chaps make it pay. They’re both with a few hundred yards of McDonald’s, Burger King, Kentucky Fried Chicken, two independent cafés and a gigantic cafe for the less well off.

It amazes me, especially as there were only three customers at one of the stalls?

Any road, I made me way to the bus-stop, but didn’t make it, I had to divert into the public toilets on King Street hastily – again just in time. Oh dear, getting fed up with with this now! I must call and make an appointment with the doctor.

Back to the bus-stop, searched fer me bus-pass which I knew I had earlier… found I’d dropped it in me bag somehow. Huh!

Got back in the hovel and paid a painful visit to the porcelain. Creams applied!

0508Put me bits away and checked on laptop, the windows updates had finished at least. Kept getting message from AVG that the initial full scan had failed and needed doing urgently – went into AVG and it told me I was protected?

Started this update and Coreldraw9 seemed to acting okay.

Had the mash with franks and bread, followed by yoghourt and a lion bar.

Got to get out early in the morning to get so see Sister Jane, but could I get to sleep… huh! 

Inchcock’s True Security Guarding Tales of Woe – The Victoria Hotel

Inchcock’s True Security Guarding Tales of Woe

The Irish, Scottish and English Security Guards and the Moonlight Dip!

I’d been working nights as was usual, guarding the old Victoria Station hotel on Milton Street in Nottingham that was being refurbished, along with my colleague ‘Mad’ Mick, for about a month.


We had suffered with the antics of drinkers coming out of the nightclubs in the early hours, and the client had added an extra guard.

Control sent us Andrew, thus making up The Irishman, Mick, the Scotsman Andrew, and the Englishman, me.

The assignment instructions required one officer out of the security cabin at all times, and inside patrolling the building.

Another patrolling the frontage and one in the cabin at all times.

This particular night, it was my turn to be based in the porta-cabin with the RT, Andrew to patrol the front of the the site.

Mick had gone into the building on patrol, and we had agreed he was to return to the cabin at 1100hrs, to swap with Andrew. By 1115hrs, with no response to my calls to him on the RT, I informed control, and Andrew went inside to check on Mick’s status.

Half an hour later, no contact with either officer, I asked for back-up from control. (None available)

Now I was in a dilemma! If I left the frontage to go in and search, I’d leave all the equipment and tools at risk, if I called the police, control would not be happy… As I pondered my response, Andrew turned up, telling me that Mick was in the swimming pool in the basement, having a whale of a time.

So I thought, (bravely) it was my duty as site supervisor, to fetch him out and bollock him.

I told Andrew to stay at the front and keep his RT on, and I wended my way down through the maze of narrow stairs to the newly built heated swimmng pool.

I found a broadly smiling Mick getting back into his uniform after his moonlight swim. I stood staring straight ahead at his belt buckle which was at my chin level (He was a big lad) and pretended to tell him off.

The RT burst into life. It was Andrew, informing us that the Night Manager had just turned up!

At that precise time, a loud crack was heard from the cellar at the back near where the train lines ran.

I informed Andrew on the RT that we were going to take a look.

Mick and I went to investigate, we saw steam as we approached the door to that cellar, I tested the door for heat with the back of my hand, then gingerly opened the door… to be confronted by three balaclava wearing intruders who had just broken through into the cellar, bursting some hot water pipes en route.

Gulp, phwert!

Whether we were more surprised or they were, I cannot say.

Mick was struggling with one of the men as I got a clout on the head with something hard, a bar of some kind I think it was, then thank heavens Andrew and the Night Manager arrived on the scene, quickly followed by the police with a dog.

One of the very few times we were actually able to assist in the capture of any criminals.

I had to refuse the kind offer from the ambulance man to take me in for a quick check-up as the client was en-route and was not pleased apparently the Night Manager told me?

We came out of it with flying colours, and Mick and Andrew each got a commendation from the Chief Constable. (Why not I? I’ll never know!)

I hate to think what the outcome might have been if Mick hadn’t taken his moonlight dip!

More tales of security Woes to follow…

Inchcock Today Thr 22 Jan 15

Up at 0400hrs, WC’d and tried to remember dreams but no luck.

Started laptop and made a cuppa and took my medications.

The arthritis and angina were no worse this morning, thankfully, but the haemorrhoids had been bleeding again. Tsk!

Finished off yesterdays diary and posted it, then the innards started again a-rumbling – oh dear please not again! Oh yes indeed – four visits in three hours… Tsk!

Started working on an idea that Mike Steeden gave me for a post – but could not concentrate enough to get it right and gave up.

Then the sneezing and coughing started. That reminded me of Sister Jane being poorly so phoned her to see how she was – a little better gladly. Her hubby Pete has done me a wide photograph from Trent Bridge to use as a header later bless him.

Forced missen to gerrup and have me ablutions and got ready to take a walk with me stuff to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop in Sherwood and then bus to town, tram out to Bulwell and see if any of the shops has me blackcurrant ice-cream lollies in stock.

0401More than ever I appreciate me pensioners free bus-pass.

I set off and as  turned the corner of the street on me walk to Sherwood the sky looked threatening a tad – it was gone 1200hrs and still dark?

Onward to the Hospice shop, and dropped me bits off for em.

Then out to the bus-stop (Even had a look to see if I might find me zip end that flew off there yesterday – no) Not that I could have done owt with it if I had…


The Nottingham Hospice shop is next to the one on the corner with the scaffolding, and my Detention centre… sorry, I mean Dentists is to the immediate left.

As I was taking the picture the bus in it gave me a fright as it belted passed. Hehe. I’m amazed the photo wasn’t blurred?

When my bus came it wasn’t anywhere near as full as the one yesterday thankfully. Mind you two teachers with about 15 ankle snappers got on at the next bus-stop and all piled upstairs.

0403I got off at Victoria Centre and had a poddle to take some photographs of the ‘Bling’ in the Jewellery shop window in Trinity Square for the TFZ gals.

Then walked down to the Slab Square to catch a Tram to Bulwell on my mission to find me favourite iced lollies.

The lady with the white hair in the photo conducted a short confab with me, she turned to me as the camera flashed and said: “Why did you take that?”

“For my cyber-friends to show them the new trams” I answered.

“Huh!” she quipped and that was the end of that conversation?

0405I arrived at Bulwell station and alighted avoiding the mobility scooter, two prams, 4-wheeled shopping trolley and step-ladder bearing geezer with the painful adoption of agility on my part I thought.

Walked to the bridge over the Leen and took a photo of the only few Mallards there were at the shallow end, there was a Coot with them today. Not too good a photo cause they were far away and I had to use full zoom on the new camera.

0406I poddled through where the non-working wishing well was (Say that when you’ve had a few – hehe) in a little patch sectioned off in  memory of some councillor or other and at first was amazed to the flowers in full bloom in it?

As I took the photograph I realised they were artificial ones – Tsk!

Had a walk around the shops, Fulton’s, Heron, Iceland and Farm Foods but none of them had any of me lollies in stock. Huh!

0407Got the bus back to Carrington and WC’d, laptop on and made a cuppa and took me medications.

Surprisingly few people on the bus?

The cough still there and the gurgling from me innards seemed to have returned for another bout of ‘Let’s Annoy Inchcock Againism’. The piles have stopped bleeding but are a tad painful – but the arthritis was fair, angina bothersome.

Had a bacon cob (Microwaveable of course) cuppa and yoghurt for nosh – but couldn’t find the appetite to eat it all – and that ain’t me…

Did some facebooking between passings of wind, visitations to the porcelain, coughing and gasping for breath with chest pains and the occasional sneeze thrown in here and there.

In the event of me not posting owt fer a while you can take it I’ve kicked-the-bucket – but I’m in no rush like… blimey coughing agen now. Double Tsk!

Inchcock Interview planned by Radio Nottingham’s Shirley Blamey!

Nottingham pensioner Juan Inchcock (69) retired Sanitary Towel machine oiler and filler-upperer , well known locally for his hatred and ridiculing of cyclist on pavements, mad mobility scooter drivers and soggy chips has been invited by Radio Nottingham to be interviewed and have a chance to answer questions phoned in directly from Nottingham cyclists and mobility scooter drivers on the air.

Station Obergruppenfurher Mike Steeden had originally objected to the BBC management at having to include Inchcock on the show.


Marissa Bergen (Left) interviews studio Obergruppenfurher Mike Steeden. 

Mr Steeden explained when our reporter Marissa Bergen interviewed him: “Due to the well known flatulence problems the old chap suffers with, his temperamental bladder, his uncouth appearance and lack of social skills, his falling asleep when one is talking to him, I can’t understand a word of his thick Nottingham accent…”

He paused to get his breath a moment and continued “If he falls down he can’t get up again – and he does a lot of that… falling down. A health and safety risk he is… He can’t hear what one is saying even with his hearing-aids in, he’s blind as a bat, wonders off at a whim, if he sees a pigeon we’ve lost him…”

Marissa squirmed and said: “You don’t like him do you?”

Not a lot” Mike replied “He’s as thick as two-planks, uneducated and limps about Nottingham taking photos of pigeons, mallard ducks on the canal, cyclists on the pavement, what he thinks are dangerous mobility scooter drivers… in fact the twit is trying to get up a movement to get Government to bring in driving tests, insurance requirements, alcohol content tests for the drivers and is currently designing a ‘Stinger’ for them that he can and says he will use? He’s potty…”

At this point an assistant came into the room and handed Mr Steeden a note, which he read and pondered on for a short while, then told the assistant: “Tell the boss I agree.”

He turned to face Marissa and quipped: “Of course it takes all sort to make a rich colourful mix of citizens in Nottingham and I have to show a magnanimous side in the job – so I’ve decided to allow Shirley to do the interview with Inchcock, but we must get Inchcock in for a ‘Set-the-rules’ meeting. Any other questions Ms Bergen?

Er… no.. I…” Mike left the room rapidly calling for his assistant as he left?

BBC02aA confused Marissa put her things back in her bag and noticed Mike had left the note brought in my his assistant on the table, so took a BBC001peep at it.

It seemed that Inchcock had promised goodies for Mr Steeden if he did the interview, including his collection of ‘Parade Magazines’ 1958 > 1962.

BBC02Mr Steeden and Ms Blamey arranged to meet Inchcock for the ‘set-the-rules-meeting and they took publicity photographs outside a strangers house for the press, because they didn’t want to show Inchcock’s house and him getting letters of sympathy from the public.

The discussion didn’t go well at all – Inchcock was so besotted with Shirley and passing wind continuously his concentration was non-existent. They has to hope for the best and arranged for Inchy to come to the Nottingham Radio station at a BBC01specific time for the interview.

Plans had to be made protect the staff there during the interview and they all met to agree on the best defence and Shirley came with a mock-up of a Swedish Anit-Germ Containment unit with a cardboard cut out of Inchcock in it to show her idea off.

They all willingly agreed to hire one on the day, nervously…

BBC03On the morning of the interview Inchcock arrived in plenty of time, but was unfortunately still wearing his pyjamas when he came into the office.

Much to the horror of Shirley and started his hands wandering where they should not be wandering, being unable to control his passion and desire for her.

Being the ultimate professional Ms Blamey belted him on the back of his head and threw him out, telling him to get back home and change into some normal day wear clothes. She arranged transport for him there and back to the studios. Kindly making sure he had his bus-pass with him first.

BBC04Inchcock looked a little hurt and sad as he wiped the blood from his wounds and left the building, head down to catch a bus home to his flea-pit.

As he alighted from his bus a mobility scooter very nearly had him over and an uncontrollable hatred raged as he dragged the driver from the scooter to give him a jolly good belting around his head and admonish him for his careless driving…

BBC05The man head-butted Inchcock, threw him over his shoulder onto the pavement and kicked him in the head a few times then hit him on his forehead with one of the two dozen bottles of 8.4 proof Apple cider from his mobility scooter shopping basket while cursing loudly.

The paramedics attending Inchy told the press that Inchcock would not be in any fit state to do any radio interviews for quite a while yet.

Shirley and Mike were cheered-up no end when they heard.

Inchcock Today: Wed 21st Jan 15 – Declorication and dentist concerns

Up at 0400hrs – WC, cleaned up the blood.

Damned annoyed at not remembering any of me dreams again this morning.

Angina and arthritis both playing up big time, went down to make a cuppa to have with me medications and found that a bit of snow had fallen overnight and had turned to nasty dangerous black-ice!

0302outsideI took a photo from the front door that creaked as the frost broke around it when I opened it!

I hope no more falls with temperatures this low it shouldn’t, but if it warms up a tad later I can see more snow descending. Tsk!

Not looking forward to the walk to the dentist at all this morning… but got to go.

Weather like this is Whoopsidangleplops inviting. Especially with Arthur Itis limiting my movements like wot he is today.

Trouble with Coreldraw9 this morning, freezing, crashing and importing work I’d done warped? Eventually after many restarts it  seems slow but working again – lost hours there. Tsk!

Looking out the upstairs window I saw many flashing blue lights of emergency vehicles in the distance on Hucknall Road I think. I’d bet the black ice had caught some poor sod out?

Finished off yesterdays diary and got it posted, then had the urge to write a ditty about the weather so I did and posted that. I lost the original plot in no time, but it seemed fairly funnyish all the same.

Must get the things ready for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop because it’s only a few doors down from the dentist. Two jobs in one like – as the missus used to say.

Got missen cleaned up and set off for the walk to Sherwood and the Dentists.

It wor miserable out there, but the snow had all but melted by the pouring rain. Not cold at all now.

I pressed on keeping an eye on the time ’cause they don’t like it if yer late you know like. Got there in time and climbed up the high steps into the passage and down to the reception. A few questions answered and I took a seat and waited until she called me name in her Concentration Guard voice (Wrongly but no problem there); “Go up to treatment room one now!”

0300aSo I did – with difficulty as the stairs are a bit steep, so much so I took a sneaky photo of them – just glad I didn’t have to go up another flight to treatment room three.

I sat patiently waiting looking around and noticed a photo on the wall, just above the signs that told us we would be charged extra if we were late for appointments, and taken off their records if we missed an appointment – oh and if we want none grey fillings we must ask them and they will tell us if they can provide them (White ones) and how much they will cost to be done privately.

0300bI thought that the portraits of the Lions was most suitable for this camp… er, surgery.

Eventually the Obergruppenführer came in… I mean Dentist came in and ran through checking me teeth and commanded me to make an appointment with the receptionist for a half-hour treatment session on me two lower front teggies to try and save them, and shoved me record card into me hand..

I mumbled a few words in thanks and painfully nervously got up to go down to the receptionist, by which time she and her assistant had rushed off to treatment room two to see someone else… then I limped gently down the stairs. talking myself into being brave as I did so… to tackle the receptionist to get an appointment.

I handed her the card:

She demanded the payment for the checks just done and I paid her.

Inchy: “Thank you, the dentist said to make a half-hour appointment”

Grissly: “I am knowing this…”

I heroically interrupted her: “Any day but a Monday or Tuesday at any time will do, they are my hospital and clinic days…” I followed it up with a weak twitchy smile…

Grissly: “Humpf… let me to look, wait!”

I whispered back “Yes no problem.”

I sat down.

After a couple of minutes of her belting hell out of the computer keyboard keys she pointed her finger at me and bent the index one inward – this I took as a summoning and went back to the desk…

“You will be coming for treatment on Wednesday 4th February… Yes! This is alright with you yes?” It was an order more than a question.

“Fine yes thank you very much indeed”.

I got sympathetic looks from the other poor sods whose turn it would be later… I mean patients waiting her attentions as I limped out into the rain and sleet.

A bag of nerves by now I forgot completely about the bag of stuff I’d got to hand to the Nottingham Hospice shop a few doors away – such was my determination to escape Frau Goebbels. Actually I think they were Polish. Thus had to carry it around with me all day.

0303carringWhen I got to the bus stop to catch a one into town and take some photographs I adjusted me clothing and a zip came of me nice warm jumper. I tried to reconnect it and a bit flew off into the road never to be seen again.

“Ah well” I thought “I’ll call in Primark see if they have any in the sale still.”

The bus came and it was a case of standing for the journey into town so many people on it.

0304town1As it came towards the City Centre stop, I was caught up in a sort of stampede to get off the bus along with the polite mild mannered Nottingham people nudging and grappling to get off first. I wondered what was happening.

When I got to the pavement I thought my big coat had come undone in the mini-melee – but found that that zip was also broken beyond repair. Huh… what a day I was having and getting soaked in the rain to boot!

Hey-ho, onward down Clumber Street across the lights and right into the Primark store – now I was seeking a jumper and a coat. Tsk!

0W03Took me time and pottered around, took some photographs for the TFZ gals and eventually came across a jumper that looked nice and warm and was reasonably priced – but none of the coats were anything like what I was looking for even though they were cheap enough.

Not enough pockets yer see.

So I left and had a walk through the slab 0304town3square to M&S to cheer myself up with buying one of there admittedly expensive, but deletable braised beef with roasted parsnips that can be cooked in the microwave meals for one.

I foolishly thought before going to the food hall, I’ll pop up the escalators to the third floor and have a look at their coats on sale.

I fell in love with one that had plenty of pockets and looked nice and warm – but dare not tell anyone how much it cost… What a fool!

Now me bags were getting heavy, and me feet stinging as bit.

0304town2I poddled down to the food hall and got me meal for one, then limped back up and out of the store. I held the door open for a lady as we left and found the rain was even more heavy than it was before.

I couldn’t manage me brolly up and cope with me two bags at the same time. What a day!

0304town4I made me way back through the City Centre and up King Street.

Then round to the bus stop via Trinity Square, but no photographicalistioning of shop windows today, it was too wet you see.

A Nottingham Pavement Cycling nearly caught me off guard while I was concentrating on avoiding the worst of the rain but somehow he missed me by inches. I Christened him as loud as I could manage by 0304town5questioning his parentage with the use of one word.

He didn’t seem to notice and was off out of view within seconds… bless him.

I really must look into getting a clandestine camera to catch the pavement cyclists and send the photographs to someone who might be able to do something to bring this problem to the attention of the authorities who don’t seem interested at all in Nottingham, but find the time to prosecute people for throwing away a nub-end or feeding the birds?

0304town6The rain kept alternating with snow/sleet as I made my way to the bus stop and got on one without any delay.

I took a photograph through the bus front window as we moved up Mansfield Road. do you see the lighted little box on the right of the picture?

A God-send that is – it’s where we old-uns swipe of free bus-pass on entry to the bus.

I was soon back in Carrington alighting the bus and  popped into the Co-op because I’d forgotten to get any bread when in town.

I’d also forgot to get some hearing aid batteries from the Ropewalk clinic. Tsk!

0305carrAs I left the Co-op shop, the heavens really opened up and made me way as quickly as me knees back and feet would let, back to the hovel.

WC’d, put the kettle on, started the laptop then made a cuppa and put me things I’d bought away.

Certainly nothing to make me ecstasiate today!

Overall a day of frustrations, pain, embarrassments and failed good intentions – a normal day for Inchcock then!


Inchcock Today: Tuesday 20th Jan 2015 – Arthur Itis and Anne Gyna in attendance

Up at 0400hrs – recalled bits of my dreams:

0201carTwo women in Victorian clothes smoking pipes were shouting at me at a desk with an ink well and quill on it… – In a ditch full of fast moving water, trying to catch a plastic duck with a toasting fork? – Trying to climb into an Austin A40 car 1950’s model, but kept falling out onto a zebra crossing that smelt of soap powder, I had a Davey Crockett hat on… but why?

0201medsI prepared the creams in readiness for the bleeding from the rear end and checked while I was at it on me stocks of medications just in case the lousy weather continues like yer know worra mean?

The cough was persisting still this morning… afternoon and night! Tsketh!

WC’d and applied the creams, had a scrub-up and shave then did some Facebooking.

After a while I thought about going out and decided to have a little walk to Asda on Hyson 0202skyGreen for some bits, but I’d call in the launderette to see Big John on the way.

The sky might have looked nice and pretty but it were damnably cold as I turned towards the cut-through to Mansfield Road.!

As I arrived at the launderette Big John was coming out for a fag.

We had a natter and he asked if I wanted to get a lift with him to Asda. I said thanks I’ll meet him at Asda if that’s alright and scrounge a lift home with the heavy bags? No problem. I needed to keep the knees and ankles going to keep Arthur Itis at bay, so had a slow hobble to Asda.

0203bikeSaid cheerio see you later to Big John and having gone about twenty yards down the road the first Nottingham Pavement Cyclist of the day nearly got me.

I tooketh a photo of her but I don’t think was even aware that I was there at all.

Onward I plodded and when I reached the college fencing on Mansfield Road I could not help but admire the shoots coming through on the bushes and trees as they fought their 0204budway through the bars into the sunlight.

This despite their being cut back drastically by the council a few weeks ago – they were now ready for any pavement cyclist or inattentive walker with a fair chance of poking them in the eyes. Hehehe!

It’s not a good photo, but many of the buds were already through with some of them starting to open?

And here we are with -5c temperatures… amazing.

The sun kept coming out and in strongly – I think that might have been why the gentleman in BMW didn’t see me at the pedestrian crossing on Sherwood Rise, and was most likely not even aware that he’d nearly clobbered me? Huh!

0205forestOver the road and around the corner onto Gregory Boulevard and another cyclist nearly got me – to quick for me to get me camera out in time, so I took photograph of the Forest Recreation Ground while I had the camera out.

I’ve just noticed there are no travelling cars in this photograph and pleased with how it came out, anyone would think the place of idylic peaceful pleasant and a desirable place to live in – Mmmm?

I pressed to the end of the road and turned right towards the Asda outlet – where another cyclist did his best to get me. Gits!

I had a good slow amble around the store starting with the non-foods section to look at the shoes they were offering for sale – Crap is the description that came to mind.

I poddled up and down every aisle in the place – and the trolley was getting slowly filled with stuff I did not really need, more just sort of fancied. At least if the weather does o bad now I’ll survive a while without going out. Hehe!

A good 40 minutes later I was at the checkout. And boy had I spent? Yes… indeed I had: £51.86 that’s USD $78.74 – AUD $96.10 – CAD $95.10 – JPY ¥9319.64!

Big John loaded the three bags into the boot of his car for me and gave me a lift home.

0205MartinAs we came out of the car park I saw something I’ve never seen before in real life anyway only in DVDs and photographs like – an Aston Martin car.

Shame about it being on bricks and the wheels having been nicked – Nottingham eh! Huh!

0207BigJAs we drove down Gregory Boulevard i took a picture through the windscreen of Big John’s car.

Hardly anyone around I noticed odd that.

The area was about two hundred yards from the wheel-less Aston Martin car, and the school on the left was fire-bombed during the last riots.

Just thought I’d mention it like.

John dropped me off at home bless his cotton socks, thanked him and gave him a few nibbles to eat and off he went.

0208foodI got in and spent a good while encouraging things at the porcelain.

Then started to put away the stuff wot I’d bought – good heavens I thought why did I get all this? Bitter orange drinks, cooked beetroot, bleach, BBQ sauce, deodorant, cheese sauce, washing-up liquid, antiseptic disinfectant, cocktail sausages, min franks, microwaveable Ribs, Gotowana, yoghurt, 0209dvdnibbles for the nurses, bacon cobs, mousse, cheapo cakes, biscuits, Scott’s porridge oats just to mention some – and even a DVD Liam Neelson in ‘A walk among the Tombstones’! Well it was on offer.

I saw they had Nicolas Cage’s latest DVD ‘Left Behind’ – but David Saxon told me he fell asleep watching it, so I opted for Liam’s Tombstones instead like.

I had the last piece of me pork pie with some bread and started this diary.

Passed wind a few seconds ago – involuntary like wot we older folk do now and then… Phwoar blimey!!!

Inchcock Today: Mon 19th Jan 15

Up about 0345hrs… WC.

No recollections of me dreams again.


Had a shave and started the laptop. Did some Facebooking and posted to LOMM site.

Had a wash and brush up (they can’t touch me for it!) and assembled the laundry in two great bagfuls ready to take to the laundry.

Then got the bits ready for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop and the nibbles for the gals at the launderette and the nurses at the QMC. Hard work all this effort to try and be liked innit? Hehe!

0101When I carried the bags of laundry down the stairs One at a time mind I didn’t like the loud creaking noises emanating from the third and second runs from the bottom of the stairs. More to worry about… Tsk!

I got them out of the door and took a photo just in case I pass-out or kick me clogs carrying them, so the police can identify them when they get nicked! Haha!

0102It was even colder than I thought earlier as I plodded on down to the launderette.

The cut-through to Mansfield Road had no yobs lurking and drinking this time – but it was iced over and dangerous. I walked along the edges so I could drop the bags and grab the railings if I did a whoopsidangleplop.

As I got onto Mansfield Road and turned right towards the launderette I thought “It’s awfully quiet here today.” Then it dawned I hadn’t got me hearing-aids in. But I had the right glasses on so not all was gloom. Hehe!

Got in the launderette and had to use two machines to accommodate the washing – two weeks worth including many of the thick long sleeve warm t-shirts that I got from Primark and they would need extra drying time.

0104Mandy gave me a smile and look that said “Oh, the old idiot is back”.

We had a little natter and she changed some notes into coins for me (Not magically).

I got the machines going £6.80 it cost, and there would be £2.60 needed for the drier afterwards.

0103I told Mandy I was off to get me hearing-aids from the hovel.

As I walked up to the cut-through the traffic was building up on Mansfield Road.

Then I had a bit of cheering up granted me.

As I entered the passage a lad on a push-bike came tearing through from the other end and did a whoopsidangleplop off his bike on the ice.

I don’t think he noticed my wide grin and contented look when I asked him if he was alright though… he was. I suggested: “You keep to the road on your bike in future that’s been gritted. If your too scared to go on the road you shouldn’t really have a bike at all should you?”

The look he gave me encouraged me to move on.

Got me hearing-aids and returned to the launderette.

Those thick t-shirts I got are really warm and comfy but it took £2.80 in the drier before they were dry enough to take out. Tsk, hey-ho.

Said farewell to Mandy and struggled back with the bags to the flea-pit.

Put the Hospice stuff and nibbles in me bag and set off on a little walk into Sherwood. As I departed I realised I had to return quickly to the porcelain…

The rumbling innards were giving up and a solid achievement was passed – now me haemorrhoids are bleeding something rotten! Treble Tsk!.

Got myself cleaned up and creamed then set-off again.

0105As I was walking up Mansfield Road I thought how much brighter the sky was today – pound to a penny some snow will descend soon.

Not much traffic now.

Got to the Hospice shop and left the bag of stuff for them and came out and caught a bus into town.

I popped into Tesco and got some bread then as I passed the Greggs shop I espied they were selling bags of Mint Doughnuts at 6 for a quid – so I got one to add to the nurses nibbles at the Queens medical Centre haematology.

0107As I was going into the site I spotted in one of the giant plant pots that the flowers Whatever they were) were forcing their way through.

Always amazes me this every year… nature eh? Here we are minus whatever degrees and these beauties battling away…

The rumbling from me innards was far less now, but the involuntary escapages of wind from the rear end continue – embarrassing at times this.

Got in and got seen to after an hour or so wait. The nurses seemed to welcome me a bit more enthusiastically this week? – Then I realised they were gathering around me to get a pick of the goodies from the carrier bag. Hehe! I told them they had a bag of Mint doughnuts cause I thought how original they were when I saw them in the shop. One of then had a look at the label, put her head to one side, smiled understandingly and pointed out that it said Mini – not Mint Doughnuts! “That’s the first laugh we’ve had all day” another one said. Tsk, I felt such a fool… again!

0106Said me cheerios and as I was walking to the main road noticed a bike locked onto the railings.

The sign at the side of it read: ‘Please do not attach your bike to the railings. ‘Well that sign didn’t have a lot of effect eh?’

I caught the bus back to the City Centre and had a walk around and tool some photos of Bling for the TFZ facebook site girls.

bling1The rings in this photograph are very old, 1960 and 1910?

Don’t know what the stones are, red rubies I suppose guessingly.

I thought the bottom one meant c7th October at first glance?

Pottered around a while then caught the bus back to Carrington. I know I keep saying this – but my pensioners free bus-pass is so appreciated! I don’t suppose David (Snot-bag) Cameron will read this would he?

Slipped a few seeds to the pigeons on me walk back to the flea-pit.

0108I was just thinking I’d seen no Nottingham Street Art to report today – and there it was. Worthy of any Contemporary Art gallery I thought.

The exquisite spacing between the works of art, and how cleverly the artist has chosen to place them on different levels and resisted using house bricks and black bags… Hehehe!

Got in and did not need the WC! Hurrah!. Mind you I had to clean up the leaking rear-end again. Tsk!

Made some microwave sausage sarnies and a cuppa.

Started laptop and updated this ‘ere diary like.

Well now it seems the innards movements are going in the other direction so to speak – solid and stubbornly not wanting to evacuate! Tsk!.

Inchcock Today: Sunday 18th January 2015

How I wish I could remember the dreams I’d had during the night –  reckon I must have had many because each time (And there were plenty of them) I got up or woke up I seemed to recall a different dream and swore to myself I’d remember each one to record here.

Now no memories remain. I must force myself to write them down on me notepad at the time in future – mind you…

Stirred and got up an WC’d then made a cuppa. Started laptop and did some graphicationalisationing.

Blooming cold this morning -5c… Brrr!

Vehicles outside were well frosted.

The coughing and rumbling and a-grumbling from the innards is still rampant I’m afraid – oh dear…

Med01Finished and posted yesterdays Diary then did some Facebooking and made a humerous graphic and posted it to Facebook.

I’ve got a double load (two weeks) laundry to do tomorrow and me INR (Warfarin) level tests too.

Just hope things settle sooner rather than later.

I’m occupying the bathroom today and going nowhere. No desire for food really either at the moment… well I did manage a Lion bar earlier in between painful and unpleasant responses to the calls to the porcelain from me innards. Tsk!

I tried to read me book afterwards, but no concentration at all.

Double Tsk!