Inchcock Today: Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop Visitation. Wed 18th Feb 15

Wednesday 18th February 2015

Up at around 0500hrs… realised I’d missed me last nights medications… and took me morning medications.

Couldn’t recall the dreams I’d had just knew I’d had them?

WC’d – lots of blood from the rear cleaned up. Arthritis fair, angina flaring a tad, haemorrhoids leaking and a new pain in right arm around the elbow? Coughing sneezing and emissions from the back exhaust persistent. Tut!

Started laptop and finished and posted yesterdays diary. Then finished iff me Security Woes post about the Turkey Farm and posted that one to Inchcock on WordPress.

Remembered Iceland coming later and I must sort the camera for taking to the Nottingham Hospice shop afterwards Spent a while doing some graphic work and then facebooked a bit.

0301Another record form arrived from the hospital reminding me about tomorrows appointment for an extra INR level check.

Went down all clean and polished to wait for the Iceland man. Started me second less powerful laptop that will not handle Coreldraw or Serif draw and did some work on Apache and then the Iceland-man commethed.

I put the stuff away, not easily though I’d got that much the fridge and freezer are even more crammed than ever now.

Made sure I’d got the camera and bits for the hospice and set off on me walk there.

Fed the pigeons and set off on me poddle.

0302Passing a house on Watcome Circus I remembered attending years ago when I was on Security Mobile Patrol Alarm response and took a photo of it because I thought I’d do me next Security Woes about that night and can use the photo again in it.

At the time of the incident the house (Now flats/apartments) was owned and lived in by a bank manager who’s bank paid for the security response and patrols for him. I’ll say no more it might spoil the Tale of Woe.

0303I walked up the hill and onto Mansfield Road and down towards Sherwood.

The sky looked nice, but the wind was biting despite the sun coming out often during me hike.

Down the hill passed the traffic lights and realised I’d left me cards at home. That shouldn’t matter though as I wont be needing them for the cash or bus… would I?

At least it’ll stop me spending for once.

0304As I carried on up the next hill I noted that the Nottingham Reptile Centre had a new sign outside with their name on it – the satirist in me thought I could take a photo of that and put Osborne or Cameron’s (Chancellor and Prime Minister) face on the poster and post it on Facebook? Perhaps to the Funny Site.

What do you think?

If anyone would like me to, I can do one with the face of any politician for you if you like and email to you.

0304fbHere’s the idea what I thought of after I’d doctored the original photographicalistion like.

Not that I have anything against the unelected ministers or their spoon-in-the-mouth wealth or their nepotism nihilism or sybarite lifestyles in the least.

In fact I think they should have more notoriety and fame than they have already conned cheated lied and been handed… something like being the first Government Ministers to be launched into space… or hung for treason something along those lines like.

I digress, sorry back to the diary.

0305Up the hill and to my astonishment to gentlemen of Eastern European looks pulled up in front of me in a van at a road junction, with the back end of their van sticking out about 6 foot into the road where they had just turned from.

A bus driver expressed his derision at their parking and honked his horn as he could not pass. The unshaven and rough looking 0305apassenger went into the beer-off, and I could not get across the road, not that I wanted to like – I was hoping things would develop as the bus-driver was gesticulating at the un-road-savvy nerks… Eventually the white van man pulled forward hitting the car parked legally in front of him to make way for the bus to pass.

Then reversed and nearly hit a bloke who unlike me who waited, he walked behind the van into the road to get over the road.

0306This’ll be good I thought as the man approached the driver – but in seconds the drivers mate returned and they were off in a flash.

As I got to the Nottingham Hospice shop I had a dizzy-spell, first one in ages – shook me a bit.

I explained about the camera to the lady 0307and gave her the other bits and noticed some ladies footwear on sale and decided to take a photo for Patti Caroline and the TFZ gals.

It (The photo) came out very blurred though, perhaps a side-affect of the dizzy-spell?

As U left the store I noticed these dresses? in the window. I’m curious if anyone can help in what type they are?

Backup_of_Lynda5Made me way down the hill into Sherwood and on my way noticed a pavement cyclist crossing the pelican lights on his bike and up the pavement on the other side, narrowly missing clobbering an elderly lady as he did so.

I’d like to mention that this sort of activity from cyclists doesn’t bother me in the slightest.


0308Further down the hill, and a private hire car had stopped in the bus-lane on double-yellow lines to go into a shop and two buses were stuck behind it.

The cab driver came out of the shop rubbing his beard and didn’t acknowledge the hooting form the traffic at all and calmly drove off.

Gawd I love Nottingham folk.

0311I resisted the smell from the take-away food shop, and started my way up the hill when I thought a miracle took place! A cyclist came passed me from behind making me jump (Well… I say jump?) and I called after him and got me camera out and… wait for it!… he got off his bike and started pushing it!

I was amazed at this, it has never happened before… then I realised he was two-thirds of the way up the hill and must have been knackered so that must be why he got off it?

I pressed on up the hill, the knees starting to twinge a bit now, but no more dizzies thankfully.

0310Then I came across my first piece of Nottingham Street Art of the day.

The legs from a toy doll – and feet away (Not sure how but I missed this off the picture…Tsk!) laid a plastic head of David Cameron?

What the artists intention was to create I don’t know. Hehe!

Up to the top of the hill and down into Carrington, and turning right at St Johns Church the site of the flowers forcing their way through up from the graves these little blue and white flowers made me again appreciate nature.

0312As I looked up Church Drive I saw four chaps having an altercation over a rear-bump in their cars – and decided to take the long route to avoid them.

I couldn’t tell what they were saying as I didn’t know or understand the language they were spitting at each other, better safe than sorry I thought.

0313As I got to the corner of my street I came across my second piece of Nottingham Street Art of the day, that was not there when I left the house.

I pondered over it a bit – and thought maybe it was created as a protest over the nearby cable television lines that had been vandalised and pulled out by the local yobbery? However the significance of the dog pee to the right of it left me puzzled – that is of course if it was canine pee?

Anyway I think it is as good as the rubbish bag display that they had in the Tate Gallery a few years ago – of course it will not be worth the £70,000 that that piece of art sold for I 0304fb2suppose.

Limped to the dump and hastily hobbled to the porcelain.

Here, I had a very very minor Whoopsiedangleplop – I bent down to rub some Phorpain gel into me kness and cracked me head on the sink.

Lucky it was only me head really – then another dizzy that couldn’t have come at a better time than me being sat-down at the time like.

I waited a few moments then stood up and all signs of the dizzy had gone, and tended to me tender rear area – still a tad nervous going down the stairs though.

Had a small Pork and pickle pie, a flake and a cuppa and started the laptop to do this diary update.

Make a cuppa and took me medications.

Tired again, must remember me extra INR check tomorrow…

Inchcock: Guarding the Turkey Farm Episode

The Nottingham Lads True Tales of Security Career Woes

Guarding the Turkey Farm Episode

AC001thermI was posted one November, to a farm near Kinoulton in Nottinghamshire, assigned to protect the Turkeys being fattened in time for Christmas – of which many had been nicked by the naughty Nottinghomians.

As usual the assignment instructions were vague and lacking in detail.

When I arrived, it turned out I was required to drive between two location throughout the night, and try to count the Turkeys to ascertain if any had been stolen, and secure the premises and report it if they had.

One site was on the farm, and had 50 birds, the other site was at an old graveyard the farmer had bought, and was using temporarily as a hold for the birds, this one held 38 birds.

I was given an old Land Rover to do the patrols in, and offered the use of a kitchen in an abandoned cottage to get refreshments, and do my ablutions.

The farmer said he would be checking with me regularly throughout the night.

Counting turkeys is not easy.

I found the best way was to creep silently as possible up on them, and count them from a distance. Once they were disturbed, it was all but impossible to count them.. and the noise!

On about my third visit to the graveyard site, I could count only 49 birds, so I radioed in with the details, and parked under a tree to observe the site for a while in case anyone was still on site or might return for more birds.

I counted them again after about half an hour – and found there were now 50 birds!

Confused, I was determined to sort out this anomaly, and again counted them, 49 this time!

I entered the gate, and disturbed the noisy birds, in an effort to assess just how many there were. As I was doing this, the owner arrived and we did a count together – there were 49 again this time!

He joined me in the Land Rover to observe the site. He offered me a drink of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey from his quarter bottle. Tempted as I was, I had to refuse.

He told me that he too had found different counts during the same day.

We entered the fenced off graveyard once again to count them, and that was when I saw the mausoleum top, and broken down door in it!

The Turkeys had been going down into the vault, making the count vary!

The farmer was well pleased, and we drove back to the farmhouse, and he fed me with bacon, eggs, and home baked bread, with a strong cup of tea! Thanked me again for sorting it out, and was very happy.

AC02I returned the next night for my duties and checked the mausoleum gates and doors first – and detected some movement in the darkness from the top of the mausoleum, being fit and foolish in those days (Nowadays I’m just foolish) I climbed up onto the top, RT in hand and found two turkeys clambering around.

I was relieved that it wasn’t an intruder, but puzzled as to how they managed to get up there – and how was I to get them down again…?

As I stood there pondering about these things a solution came all on its own accord…

The roof collapsed and me and the turkeys were transported downwards landing inside the building… When the dust had settled I made out the shape of the farmer as he stood over me.

I was no longer in favour I could tell, then as I tried to stand up the coffin I was unknowingly standing on disintegrated… the farmer was no longer happy.

Not one of my best nights in the Security industry that…

Inchcock Today: Tue 17th Feb 15 – Launderette Day

17th February 2015

Bad night, woke up shivering many times.

Dreamt of working in a security gatehouse with other officers and trying to get out to do a patrol but everything stopped me – forgetting keys and codes – getting lost on the gigantic spread out site – being RT’d back to the gatehouse – sinking in the mud… ended up trying to climb a fair wheel, no idea why but fell or got lost on it every-time… weird but I think I’ve had this dream or one similar before?

Got up latish 0630hrs – made a cuppa took medications and put water heater on – started this diary up to here.

Noted we had a red sky this morning through the drizzling rain. Red sky in the morning – Shepherds warning as me Dad used to say. That reminds me, I’ve got a shepherds pie in the freezer.

Titivated myself then got the laundry things ready.

Made up the nibbles bag for the launderette girls and BJ.

Set off to the launderette, chatted up Griselda (Another failure there) and set about doing me washing.

Taking out me bag with the book, lavender scented soap-bubbles, softener and drier balls I became aware of an extra strong scent of lavender present – the bubbles had burst and soaked me book into unreadability! I was on the last chapter too… Curse!

Then BJ noticed that none of the six machines belting away had any water in them and called Grizelda, who at first seemed puzzled then realised she had not turned the water on – so several customers were not happy.

The driers took £3 this week – we think the owner had cut down the time or temperature on them.

0201 Just a bit of fun added to this photo

BJ and I had a natter and when we were a lot worse off financially and the washing was done BJ put all the bags in his car and we set off for Asda.

0202Some incident had occurred near the school and we were sent away on another route by the nice policemen who seemed to really appreciate having their photograph taken…

We arrived at Asda and parked-up at one of the almost full Disabled Parking Only Bays – BJ checking the cars out to see if any able bodied louts had parked there.

I should mention that BJ is a registered 0203Disabled Blue Card Badge holder.

We split up to do the shopping and I made for the gardening section and got some pots of weed-killer first thing. Why do I always think of George Osborne when buy weed-killer recently?

Then I spent a fortune… microwaveable beef ribs orange juice, mousses, yogurts, bleach, mini Swiss rolls, burgers and frankfurters to mention a few.

I went through the self-serve checkout and had to ask for help a few times. Thus attracted the well known expression from the girl that said “Why do these old twits come in here?”

0205We were soon back at the dump and BJ handed me the bags from the car and shot off, me thanking him profusely for his help.


Put the clean laundry and nosh away… all bar the microwaveable BBQ ribs. I ate them with a cuppa and some bread.

A letter arrived, it was the results from the INR Warfarin level tests – far too low so I’ve got to go back again on Thursday for another test.

Still emitting wind coughing and sneezing a bit today. Although it’s hardly worth mentioning the passings of wind I’ve had them for so long now I almost expect them and am learning to accept the olid, noxious aroma that they distribute. I can’t try charcoal tablets because they may absorb the other medications I’m on?

On the bright side (What’s that?) no blood from the rear-end although sore, Anne Gyna has been very fair to me today, Arthur Itis as normal, ulcer no bother and the cut lip is healing well.

I realised then I’d not taken me bits to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop in Sherwood. Tomorrow if  Iceland is not too late I’ll take them I hope.

Feeling tired now… poor old chap eh?