Inchcock Today: Launderette Lust? – 24/02/15

Tuesday 24th February 2015

Managed some kip last night.

I realised I’d missed last nights medications. I saw the pot there at the side of me, still full – huh!

WC’d, things getting a little loose again. The rumbling and grumbling was persisting just when I thought they were abating too.

The knees were well bad this morning, and when I put in me hearing-aids heard them cracking away like crisps being crushed when I moved.

Even Anne Gyna was painful. However the back passage-piles were okay with no bleeding. The ulcer was as good as gold. The front teggies gave only a bit of pain (Must get to the dentist), then again I’m not eating at the moment.

Laptop on, Coreldraw9 crashed immediately when I chose the import option. Rebooted tried again and gave up.

Tried to do the work on Serif Draw x6, but didn’t know how to import to get the original size of graphics. I have to drag-t0-size on import?

Gave up again and got a good wash and brush up and got the things ready for the launderette, the gals nibbles, soap tablets, softener, drier balls and a choc bar for myself to nibble.

Set off to the launderette in the high gusty winds, fed some pigeons clandestinely en-route.

0203aGrizWell, all the machines were in use bar one – the one that folk don’t like to use because it doesn’t spin fast and it takes more money in the drier. As I resigned meself to another expensive day I spotted Grizelda at the back and that cheered me up somewhat.

She smiled at me and waved and parts of my anatomy were girded into movements unknown in months.

I realise that nothing could come of these fantasies wot I have over her – she is about a foot taller than I, years younger and yet still I yearn… Will I ever learn?

Got the machine going and Big John came in laughing because four of the machines had his washing in them – then he started flirting with Grizelda, who has taken a fancy to him – Huh cobblers and Tsk! It didn’t bother me at all, I WWarnLie wasn’t jealous, oh no…

0203GrizGrizelda came towards me and my heart pounded, despite being part metal and plastic… she smiled and said: “Would you like tea?” in her wonderful deep voiced yet delicate Polish accent. I think I mumbled ‘Yes please…’

I then started fretting, thinking I might have left the tap running in the bathroom. Unable to get the feeling out of me mind I walked back to the dump to check it out. Of course the taps were not running… but I had left the laptop on, so I closed it down.

0203bcarOn the way back I bought a newspaper to read and then back to the launderette.

An interesting article:

‘This is the astonishing moment a group of frustrated Nottingham tram passengers picked up and moved a Mini off the road after its driver blocked two trams when she parked across the tracks.

The fed-up bystanders shifted the car after the trams were delayed for 15 minutes. Incredibly the female driver had left her motor illegally parked on double yellow lines in Nottingham at 11.1oam yesterday.

The red-faced driver eventually returned from a nearby coffee shop to find her car moved and a penalty ticket waiting from a Nottingham Community Protection Officer.

Adding to her growing misery, the driver was then serenaded by ironic whoops and cheers from the swelling crowds as she quickly performed an illegal U-turn and drove off.

0204AsdEventually got the washing dried and packed up and BJ offered me a lift to Asda.

When we arrived I was surprised at the queues for the petrol station – are we due price rise or something?

Please advise me if you should know owt like?

0205beefBig John came with me to the microwaves in store and I carefully selected the most appurtenant and suitable model for my particular requirements. (The cheapest). We split to do our shopping, I didn’t get much: Microwave, Feasters beefburgers (Very tasty), bleach, Bread thins and a pack of mini Swiss rolls.

BJ ran me back to the flea-pit, I thanked him and he shot off.

I put me washing away and then the shopping.

Made a cuppa, laptop on and no internet connection – I realised I’d turned off the hub earlier, so went down and turned it back on. Had a dizzy spell coming back up the stairs… not a back un, only lasted for a few seconds and then dissipated. I think it might be due to me low Warfarin INR level? It don’t help when I miss me doses – what a plonker!

Updated this diary to here, then did a bit of work on another post entitled (As of now anyway) ‘Things nobody says to me any more’.

Used up three and a bit hours there no problem. Tsk!

Many WC visits later I made a cuppa ready to take me evening medications and found the INR report and dosage record had been delivered.

Level up to 2.4, so going the right way at last – they had made another appointment for this Thursday. It’s all go innit?

No rest fer the wicked. (If that’s true, how come the politicians haven’t all collapsed? – Just a thought like.)

Some Fings wot Nottingham folk don’t say any more – not nowadays…

I’m sorry if some folk find these hard to understand – a little like me wiv women?

Lost words phrases and comments from Inchcock’s passed.


Lamented saying: Yo cun cum to ma place, mam un dad r awt fort night!

Translation: You can come to me house, Mother and Father are out all night.

Comment: Never to be heard again methinks?

Lamented saying: Sorl yer gerrin!

Translation: That is as much as you are going to get.

Comment: School dinner lady talk?

Lamented saying: He onts sum hossmuck innis boots!

Translation: He is of rather small stature.

Comment: Short-arse is another option to use.

Lamented saying: Yowl cumoff wurst!

Translation: I fear you cannot win.

Comment: Cummin off  wurst… that I was very good at!

Lamented saying: Yer norrayin no tuffees!

Translation: You cannot have any sweets.

Comment: That was Dad all over… but I still loved him.

Lamented saying: Gizza croggie!

Translation: May I have a crossbar ride with you on your bicycle?

Comment: You just don’t seem to hear that phrase nowadays.

Lamented saying: This beer tastes like massi-watter!

Translation: This beer tastes like cat urine.

Comment: Unsure how Nottinghomians started using the word ‘Massi’ for a domesticated cat. Apparently nowadays it means someone who is ready for sexual intercourse? That leaves me out of the equation then .

Lamented saying: Aya masht midduck? 

Translation: Have you made the tea, dear?.

Comment: What my beloved Suzie would ask when she got home, nearly every time she got home.

Lamented saying: Phowr yo stink chronic yo do!

Translation: By golly your spoilt nappy does smell horrendous.

Comment: I’m informed this is what Dad used to say to me with great regularly.

Lamented saying: Arkattit! 

Translation: Listen to the rain.

Comment: All the Meadows folk used this terminology when it belted down.

Lamented saying: Wiggorn ev uz dinnuz! :

Translation: We are going to have our dinner.

Comment: Not that I got a cooked dinner very often…

Lamented saying: Gerrup yo, elsal bat yatabb!

Translation: Get up, or I may have to use violence to make you.

Comment: Dad’s encouragement for me to get out of bed.

Lamented saying: Fyo dont doasIsay al get yer Mam back!

Translation: If you do not do as I say, I’ll find your Mother and bring her back home.

Comment: An intimidatingly blood-curdling threat Dad used when I played him up or didn’t do as he asked – it worked too!

Lamented saying: I don’t wannit fro it int Trent!

Translation: I do not want that child, throw him in the river Trent!

Comment: Dear Mummys first words to the midwife when I was born.

Lamented saying: Arwee ayin chips else bunt tatuzz?

Translation: Will we be having chips or baked potatoes?

Comment: Well it wer chips when I had a choice.

Lamented saying: Wi or wi’yaut vingar?

Translation: Is that with or without vinegar?

Comment: Of course it wasn’t vinegar, it was brewed condiment.

Lamented saying: Yer greet wassock!

Translation: You great idiot!

Comment: Yes, been called this often enough as a youngster… and later.

Lamented saying: Keep tu coursey!

Translation: Stay on the pavement.

Comment: Now this is very rare nowadays.

Lamented saying: Downt piggle ut yer scab!

Translation: Stop picking at your scab.

Comment: I think piggling was also used for little and or unimportant as well?

Lamented saying: Yowl koppitt!

Translation: You will get into trouble.

Comment: Yes, I did too – far too often!

Lamented saying: Wottyowant? 

Translation: What would you like?

Comment: I know what I’d like… but the body wont let me…

Lamented saying: Eers yer pay packet yoof!

Translation: Here is you wages for the week Gerry.

Comment: Ah… those were the days…

Lamented saying: Dus yer fancy a lyrral romp?

Translation: Would you like to mutually couple with me?

Comment: Hmmm?