Barry Bladder & Hernia Harry
I went in the QMC for a Hernia operation,
Summat else came to the surgeons attention,
He said he’s found cancer in the bladder,
But not to worry, he said as we had a natter,
He’d lasered both problems with antimatter!
But I suffered later, Harry returned, it’s mind over matter!
The problem was soon outright,
Although it was a bit of a fight,
The surgeons said it’d be risky and tight,
But things should come out alright,
But couldn’t stop the bleeding, that was a fright!
They did stop it finally, to my delight!
I have to say, this left me feeling sore,
But surely it will mean, Haemorrhoid cream no more?
No suppositories, prodding, probing, Cor!
But they returned, worse than before!
A bit of a shock, when I saw the Doc,
She said you’re a chip off the old block,
Your Dad had such an op, a bit of a shock,
Makes a change from operating on your buttock,
But you’ll pull through me old cock!
Twitching eyes, jump and jerk,
But when steady, they still work,
Though not a regular querk,
It can drive you berserk!
Diagnosed two weeks before the stroke,
By Dr Rahannmuta, a wonderful bloke,
Not averse to a laugh and joke,
Although I don’t, he said you must not smoke!
And gave me a year, before the nerve-ends die, get broke.
Worra shock, I was in a terrible mess,
Couldn’t wash, shave or even dress,
Two months hospitalisation, no less,
Why I ask, but it remains answerless,
The After-Stroke Physio leaves me breathless,
But certainly not painless!
There are periods when I feel brainless,
But some helpers have been invaluable, God Bless!
Caught this in the Stroke hospital ward, one can’t forget,
Blood-papsules, weals, scars, lumps, bulges, a guaranteed bet,
Welts, contusions, blemishes, dapples, maculations, invariably on the legs set,
Thrombophlebitis and assorted Clopidogrel grooves and ridges show,
The legs appearance change every day, a new vein or burrow,
A reaction to a changed medication, they say to me,
Vasculitis and venous thromboembolism or VTE,
What next, can I charge folks to look, Hehehe!
Right-hand side sensory nerves are almost kaput,
The neurotransmitters, nearly as dead as a mutt,
I’m even getting boils and growths on my butt!
Myasthenia Gravis (MG) – The latest ailment.
This was written, to cheer missen up, and it did!
I thank you!