TFZer Meal-Makers on TV?

Thursday 3rd December 2020

Welsh: Dydd Iau 3ydd Rhagfyr 2020

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00:25hrs: I stirred back into imitation life, and the ailments already having a bash at me, the moment I moved any connected limbs, were; SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley), Haemorrhoid Harold, and Duodenal Donald, with a few mild interruptions by wandering all over the front torso, Anne Gyna. But this is not unusual.

The astonishing thing was the frame of mind I was in. I felt almost contented and ready for anything that came along? Naturally, this is not going to last long, but still, a great, if a rare, situation, that I will do my best to enjoy!

No calls to the Porcelain Throne or Wee-wee bucket either! I rose, caught my balance, and meandered into the kitchen. No desire for a mug of tea (now I was getting a smidge confused and a semblance of weariness developed). Oh, dearie me! My bestirring semi-contented feeling was diminishing already.

I checked the hanging above the sink hand-washing and moved the jammie bottoms onto the upright clothes dryer. All this time, I was… I don’t know how to describe it, erm, like I was not me, or someone had hacked into my brain? No wee, no pooing, no mug of tea, Arthur Itis and Cartilage Cathy has never been kinder to me than they were this morning? Caught my balance without the exercising first! And not a single Dizzy Dennis visit yet! Conrad Confusion was being tested, here! As was what semblance of sanity I have!

With a determination I’ve not possessed for months, I grabbed a bottle of spring water, and made for the computer, to upload last nights photographs, and start the updating of the Wednesday IT diary.

I’m certainly not claiming that I was efficient, or methodical in my efforts, as I began to work on CorelDraw to get the photographs resized. But my regular hesitancy, indecision and dilly-dallying were far less than they would usually be. I wish I could work-out why? 

The task of getting the photographs prepped took me less than an hour. Never been known to be so fast in years!

Then I realised that the Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters were only rarely dying on me, and when they did, it was only for a few seconds at a time. I was baffled at this. But well happy with the situation! And pressed on as quickly as I could to take advantage!

I got the pictures done and into the WordPress gallery ready to use. Then started to update the Wednesday blog… and had to stop, damned shame this, just when I was getting something done, to go to the Porcelain Throne utilisationing.

I got to the wet room in plenty of time, not that it mattered. For Constipation Konrad repeated his Wednesday victory over Trotsky Terence, but by a bigger margin! At least 6-0! As I sat there, toying with the crossword book, and daring not try to force things along, and waiting for the innards to evacuate at their own pace – I soon realised that this was not going to happen. I don’t know why I put ‘soon’ there? It must have been a good fifteen minutes, and three new answers found for the crossword puzzle before I had no option, other than to grin and bear the pain (it was worst in weeks). And I urged the action to start. A few silent Argh! Eeks! and a couple of minutes later, the evacuation started, agonisingly slow, full pressure had to be applied on my behalf. In the midst of the protracted torture, I swore to take two of the Dioctyl® poo-softeners as soon as I could after this agonising session had finished. Which turned out was not to be, for a good few more minutes yet!

Harolds Haemorrhoids were going through hell, I could feel the blood, with it being warmer, hitting the body parts as it flowed. The torpedo even needed a final extra urging to finish the motion… at last! Well, that put the final nail in my feeling optimisticness!

I changed into a disheartened, forlorn mode. The cleaning up was not too bad, with the evacuated product being rock-hard. Even the cistern somehow managed to clear it away first flush!

But it had left me feeling so sore! I washed the rear-end and put the bloodied paper towels and sealed in the bin. The medicating of poor old Harold’s department, even using the Germoloid Ointment, was the most excruciating I’ve known for years!

I changed into one of the older Morrison bought white PPs (that fitted). Memories of pre-Coronavirus days flowed. The time before Morrisons and Sainsbury’s started sending the most farcical substitutes, you know, like AA batteries in place of a can opener, Medium Protection Pants instead of XL, and McCains foul-tasting black pepper fries in place of Sweet potato battered fritters!

But, these things happen, so I wasn’t bothered, and I took it casually in my stride. No cursing, planning getting my revenge or anything like that. Oh, no! Gesundheit!

A demoralised Inchcock, with a very sore bottom, returned to his computer. Back in his regular, normal, nervous, twitchy, haphazard, grumpy, fed-up, wee’d-off, desultory, and laissez-faire, defeatist, frame-of-mind. Feeling so sorry for himself, too! 

But, my being a well-educated, dedicated, sharp-witted, positive, capable, and ultra-determined character, I pressed on and got the updating finished, not giving a care to the ailments, back-luck or having just dropped my mobile, and it isn’t working now. Sob, Grubbleackers and Grrr! (No confidence Scenario emerging)

I decided to make a brew of Glengettie. (it will not help, but it’ll be tasty!) And poddled off to the kitchen to get the kettle on. The sky was getting a smidge lighter, so I got the Nikon and took a couple of photos.

A lot of the Christmas lights had been turned off for the night. I can’t blame anyone, they may encourage the attentions of burglars, distraction con-men, and local yobbery, who have been more active in Sherwood lately. I got these figures from the local Email Mag: Monthly Crime figures for little Sherwood, June 193 – July 196 – August 199 – September 211- Not good!

The knocking and banging from the workers have started off, started work early today, bless ’em. I made a start on this post…

When I opened the Notebook app to get the information stored, it came up empty? What? Had I done something wrong, or what? Had it been hacked? It had some important numbers and passwords in it? Oh, dearie me, I’m feeling even worse now! Really fed-up! Granglespithowlations!

I got the ablutions done! Which went better than I expected. It’s all up and downs today? The usual dropsies and a few shaving nicks. The showering went as good as it has in months, no knocks, dizzies, toe-stubbing or loss of balance. Smooth! The medicationing had its moments, but nowt excessive. The legs and feet looked good to me. The wee-wees had dried up as well. The skin is as normal, looking a smidge deathly pale again.

I did find a photo on the SD card later, that was a mystery to me. I’m not sure I meant to take it, or why if I did. Hehehe! But you never know, with the state of my memory and incertitude? Is that the right word? I’ll check. Yes, that’s the one.

I had to laugh when I was using the long shoe-horn to get the slippers on. Somehow or other, I’d got the horn stuck in the outer part of the faux-leather of the footwear, and it stuck there, needing extracting. But it was so funny, I got the smaller Canon camera and managed to take a shot of it with the left hand, without any Accifauxpas or Whoopsiedangleplops. Smug-Mode-Adopted!

I hand-washed the blue zip-up jerkin. All done, wrung and hung above the sink to eventually drip dry, I hope.

Then I moved the jammie bottoms on the fairer ti aid in drying them enough to wear. Judging by how damp they still were, I anticipate them being dried somewhere around next April. Haha!

I then spotted two burglar alarm activating in the rain-sodden Cavendish Vale. I tried a few times to get a photo that showed the alarm lights, but I failed in my efforts.

Then I made up two more small waste bags and put them in the box on the three-wheeled walker. And I added a biggish couple of bag with recyclables materials in them, to it on the handlebars.

I had a panicky moment and a kerfuffle finding the key fob to take with me so I can get back into the flats. Then, as I thought all was ready to take the trolley down to the bins, (It’s collection day today), I couldn’t find my long-distance spectacles! After a hunt around, I found them in plain view on the TV stand. The worrying thing, is how I missed them so many times in my searching?

I departed the flat, hoping to meet someone en route to the waste bins for a natter. I met a worker in the 2th-floor lift lobby, said hello, but he couldn’t understand English, So I gave him a smile, which was a bit silly-billy of me, cause I had the mask on! Hahaha!

No one was using the elevators at that moment, so I was soon down on the ground floor. Got the little Cannon camera out and took this photo of the ground floor lobby.

Then hobbled to the and through the main lobby and out in the wet rain, to the bins awaiting collection. I took the photo of the electronic notice board on the way to the lobby.

Where I met the caretakers and got involved in the nattering session with them… well, that’s not strictly true. I did the talking, that bored them into a rolling-eyes mode within 30 seconds. I’m good at doing that, and with effort either!

I returned to Woodthorpe Court flats, took another picture of the being updated hallways and lobby, and got up in the lift to the 12th-floor.

Getting out of the cage, I had my first wobbly of the day, (I’d done well up to now though!) and caught my shoulder through my weak spatial awareness, on the side of the lift. Which set of BPB (Back-Pain-Brenda) and SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley), Humph!

Naturally, this didn’t bother me in the least. (Much!)

The worker’s equipment was in the lift lobby. I got back into the flat, and I got the kettle on, post-haste! And made a brew of glorious Glengettie.

I worked on this post for about four hours, and the back and right shoulder from hitting the lift side, was pretty bothersome, and the computing had to be stopped. At that moment, the landline rang forth. It was a recorded message; “Your internet connection will be disconnected in 24hrs – We have detected a hacking on your computer. Contact BT on… That’s as far I let the machine ramble on! I rang off, it must be a con of some sort being played on me.

I got opened a can of Chilli-Con-Carne into a saucepan, added some made-up vegetable gravy, and a drop of Hickory, and sliced some tomatoes to go in the mix, with just a sprinkle of  Balsamic vinegar. Got the oven warming to do some chips in.

I took the evening medications, making sure I took another Dioctyl® poop-softener, I don’t want to go through the same agony as this morning again.

The eyes were drooping, the back hurting. As often happens, I was feeling smidge rough around the edges. I quickly got the latest local Coronavirus figures.

Then got the nosh sorted and served up.

As tired as I was, the nosh, eaten slowly, well masticated and savoured, got a taste-rating of 8.8/10. I must write down the extras I put in this Chill-Con-Carne.

I got the pots washed, and settled down early for once, in search of sleep. Which arrived pretty quickly, and lasted unbroken for three hours, before I woke up with a start, in desperate need of a wee-wee!