Billum from near Ohio said he could help me,

Said that he’d create medicines to make me feel pain-free!

And operate, to make me look less ugly & scary,

Of course, this could not be done for free,

There would be a discounted $150,000 fee!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The Consultation

Nothing to worry about at all, he told me,

It’ll be painful, but very luckily,

You’re used to agony and have tolerability,

You’ve paid now, so no revocability!

Owt goes wrong, and I reject any accountability!

It may take a while, so first, you must take a wee-wee,

Operating, I don’t want to get sprayed with pee,

HRH Lisa will be assisting me!

They gave me an Aspirin and a shot of Drambuie,

They started; I prayed there would be no Whoopsies…

Or that I’d come out looking like a chimpanzee,

I wasn’t worried, not to any degree,

I could soon be pain-free and good looking? Yipee!

As I drifted off, I could see HRH Lisa, looking at me,

They told me I came around the following Tuesday!

But no mirrors could I see?

Billum said you look fine, you should write a ditty,

And gave me a mug of Glengettie!

No time for chinwag or causerie,

“I must fly, another patient waiting to see me”,

With that, off he did flee!

I joined Lisa on the settee,

She was very kind to me,

Gave me a mirror, I saw the reality…

Still, yer don’t like to complain, do yer?