– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Friday 31st July 2026
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – A Little Moan & groan to start… Sorry.
I/ve had a few days of bad depression; I sometimes get to the stage when I lose interest and despise myself for doing so. Take it as it comes. But not this week.
My invented helper, , has not visited for ages. Although maybe I created him to help me cope? This indicated to me that I have lost interest in all my failings, flundering and fearsome unsolvable problems. I can go on as long as there is money to pay my direct debits… Little things like electricity, rent, etc. Then what? My problems in tackling problems are not something I want. The Dementia is getting worse; no question. I cannot do something one day and can the next. Obviously there is more to the effects. Like remembering what has and hasn’t been done. Many folk in my position have these and other problems to cope with. How come this morning I can write things like this? Yesterday, another example, both bad days for depression?
I loathe myself for dropping, walking into things, forgetting things, but most of all, my inability to get to the bank to sort money out. If I go, it will cost a fortune that I don’t have; my balance is that low. Taxis & Carers to go with me, likely to be £60, based on what I have to pay for taxis to and from the QMC-A&E when the Catheter blocks. (Why they sent me to A&E is unknown.) The nurse told me to get a taxi as it would be quicker than an “ambulance.” And classed as a medical emergency. I arrived at A&E, and it took 4 hours to be seen. During which, the Catheter remained painful and blocked; Then he could not get the tube back in on two tries, went to another office, and it took that man twice to fit it in. I’m missing chunks out from here on, after seeing the waffle I’ve already put on.
Last time I went, the taxi there cost more than usual, and I did not have enough to get one back. I got no guides or facts given about frequencies of changes. Or how to undo and refit the tube collection array on my leg. The only thing said was: do not let the array fall loose! It fell off the following morning. I’m due a visit to the Nuthall Hospital in August. But will not be able to take a Carer to answer questions. Hopefully I can get a lift from Easy Link, if their bus does not break down again like last time.
So, you see here approx’ 15% of my problems. Huh! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I gorrup at 06:40; (depressed without cause) The first thing I noticed was the night bag on the floor, in the same position it was when I got my head down. I cannot recall being woken up overnight. No acidy tastes in my throat, so no seizures had. Yet I felt so tired and worn out! There was plenty of urine in the bag as well. I got the BP tackle out and left the night bag on the recliner, and did the BP tests. BP high; BP was 170/70, pulse 68, Temp 35.5, blood 95 high, 78 low. Had it much worse these last three weeks. I think this is why Matron took a photograph of the Excel recording sheet with her. Ah, Matron, my only hope to get in a home.
Matron said that it is getting harder to find space.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – A most rapid sudden requirement for the toilet arrived. Nothing new about this, this last week. I think it was a fourth first-morning visit on the trot, and I barely got there in time; my excrement suits itself when it wants to evacuate. A Trotsky Terence job again. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I emptied the night bag and returned to the recliner to record the reading. You’ll notice in the photo above that the urine in it was bright and orangy. Minutes later as urine began to flow… Scarily, it was mostly blood!
That got me worrying. The very thought of going to the damned uncaring QMC A&E deepened my depression and frustration. Not to mention the £30 or so that would be needed to get there and back, for the taxis. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I started to get things ready, paper towels and glasses put in the three-wheeled walker as I got it from the balcony. Got the trousers and jumper out. Could not get the shoes on, but managed to get a pair of slippers on. I was going to ring DG. Realising the Carer’s due around 0800hrs, and decided to wait for him so he could get my proper outside shoes on for my feet, and help with the trousers. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I got a giant potato in the crock-out while waiting, and cleaned up a bit, and did the teggies. When I got back to the room, I noticed the urine was now much lighter and much less bloody. Another flipping mystery! But the joy of not having to go to the A&E briefly visited me. Great! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
0800hrs, the Carer arrived. I did not mention the blood problem for fear he would ring for an ambulance. Medications: Porphyrin pain in the shoulder and neck. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I got today’s grusone daily Ode created; I’d sunk back down again in spirits, self-pity had to be avoided. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Then caught up with finishing yesterday’s post. But throughout the day, my concentration was once again cognitively weak. Easily sidetracked, disoriented, warped at times. None of these was helped with the eyesight getting worse. I’ll be glad to get one of the eyes done; when? No idea, waiting for the summoning appointment to arrive. My mind was the second concern today. The Bank situation being the top one. I’m missing . – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Checked the overcooked potato in the crockpot. I overcooked it a little when I say little… I mean a lot. Tsk! It’ll have to be eaten mashed. Or maybe roasted slices? – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I went onto the balcony; the heat hit me when I opened the door to take some cloud and sky shots. No signs of rain amongst them today. The floor greenery is going yellow and brown out there. Still look beautiful up in the sky though. But the lack of rain and too much heat is destroying the greenery all around. The end of the car park, which usually had wet mud slides from the Woodthorpe Park behind us, looked bone-dry. The lawn bit is now 80% destroyed. Sad! I imagine the wildfires may spread to more areas when this cooler spell returns to hot weather. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Chicken sausages, boiled, sliced and then baked potatoes; with Teriyaki sauce. Tomatoes and some raw garden peas. Taste Rating: 7/10. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Short but Welcome! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – UK’s Latest Flare-Up Newest outbreak: An area of about 600m by 200m (1,968ft by 656ft) was alight in Abbot’s Wood – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Thursday 30th July 2026 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – 06:10hrs, almost an : As I blurbed back into faux-life. To the sound and sensation of what felt like a bubbling evacuation doing its best to escape. Although this was a semi-panic moment, I recognised the foul acidic after-seizure tasting reflux on its way up through my throat, mouth and nasals. Meaning my balance was not so good, but I used all speed available to get up and hasten to the wet room. Before I’d left the room, I realised that the evacuation was gaining impetus, and an aroma, if that’s the word, escaped and permeated the entire flat. Most fortunately, the WC door was only about five paces from where I stood. Which equates to about ten of my shuffles. I was certain sure that I did not tear my protection pants down in time as the flood, nae, torrent began. Once it had finished, I nervously checked the state of the PPs. Fabulous! All was white! Can’t I say the same for the Porcelain? This fortune seemed to ease the depths of my depression; I liked it! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I took off and emptied the nocturnal night bag, cleaned the room’s furniture. Then had a wash, shave, and was about to clean my teeth, and the intercom rang out. I got to the panel, but it had gone wonky again: no sound, but it showed the view for a second. It was a food delivery.
My depression sank again. Why the Hell, how the Hell, did I order food again? I think I may have made the order for next week; later, I found it recorded for next Thursday on my calendar. I tried to blame it on my Arithmaphobia, the Premorbid Cognitive Impairment, Toothache Tiffany, Fractured Knee Frank, Arthur Itis, anything but myself. I lost the plot there again. I had to get a dressing gown on quickly, to get down to let him in. But, no, by the time I got to the lift, the driver was getting out-of-it. A sociable chap. When I mentioned I ordered for the wrong week, he told me I’d be surprised by the number of times that older people have told him the same thing. Which is basically the same as the Iceland driver told me two weeks ago. There’s a moral here. Somewhere? He helped me get the food into my carriers. Then asked me to amend my telephone number on the J Sainsbury site; he tried to phone me earlier, and the number JS gave him was not recognised. Also, next time you get the day wrong, or forget it, or are unprepared, I can call. Hehe! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I got the food away, and hoovered the flat. Then I emptied all the waste bins into one big one. In what turned into a vain hope, that the Carer would trip over it and take it to the waste disposal tunnel. Hahaha! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I tried to get my slippers and protection pants on. Coped with the PPs, but the slippers were too painful. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – ♬ Oh, Susana ♬ chimed from the doorbell; in walked a Carer. Not even noticing the waste bag. Med’s issued. He took this shot of my extremely long-nailed, painful, Raynaud’s phenomenon-ridden toes. But the legs and feet have lost all their swelling. He is doing a long visit at noon. I asked him to replace the day Catheter bag. He still thinks it is two-week changes.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I got on the computer and swiftly got lost with what I was doing, done or going to do. Thus, three hours later when the Carer returned, I’d only just updated yesterday’s blog. I asked him again if he would go shopping with me. No answer. So I pointed out he refused to yesterday, saying he’s going tomorrow. I had to convince him, and showed him the vegetable stew I’d been making. How can I have a vegetable stew without potatoes? He scowled a little, but I put pressure on him and by the time he’d dressed me and we got to the bus stop, he was back to normal. Sat on the bench with his mobile out. We were soon in Sherwood, and walking up Mansfield Road towards Ozan store, Carer told me we must hurry. I said I’m doing my best, and gave him an Inchie stare-glare! When we arrived at the store, he’d mellowed and took an interest and helped me get a selection of foods. We got some Soda water, Hungarian. Couldn’t find the French cheese I got last week, but he chose one for me from the other blue-veined cheeses. We investigated their wonderful deli-meats counter; they had none of the pork I wanted, so the Carer took me to the prepacked meats and found some smoked belly pork that tickled my fancy. The veg they had was not fresh, but I got a carrot and a bag of potatoes, the best of a bad batch, with help from the Carer. I also got a mini-sized thick-coated lemon madeira cake, well, two of them. One left now. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Paid up, and back up to the bus stop. Carer sat down on the floor near the bus stop; due in 18 mins and back on his mobile. I kept talking to him, which was not appreciated. So rabbited on even more. Hehehe!
Back to the flats, and the lad seemed to cheer up a smidgeon. Hobbled through the three flat block sections, and in the lift back up to my cell.
Carer got his coat on. I said farewell; he said, Arnie-like, I’ll be back. Haha!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I added some carrot, sliced very thin so it would cook quicker. After all that, I cut up spuds thin again. Cut some more yellow tomatoes, onion, water chestnuts, sweetcorn, chestnut mushrooms, left on a low light.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Back to the computer, still struggling to concentrate. Jenny’s hubby, Frank, came in with dried laundry for me. So kind of him. Bless him. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Carer came for the 16:00hr call. Medications issued.
I was feeling drained, and my eyes were worse than ever. (Cataract). I have to keep trying on and changing to a pair that might be easier. It’s been around erm… I believe it was April when I went for the preop checks, when I had a seizure. and got another last week. It’s been a long time, and I’ve got to wait again now for the operation, well, lasering. Jenny had a similar kerfuffle; she was telling me. When she finally got to have the operation, they decided not to do it! Poor Jenny! I struggle with seeing the keyboard, especially worse in the afternoons and evenings. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – The vegetable stew/soup was served up; not a lot. Much of it seemed to have gone and evaporated? What did I do wrong in the cooking process? No idea! However, it tasted rather good. Taste Rating: 8.8/10. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Carer Mirza did the last call, and very Welcome. The lad is a Gem. I was so tired. I still hope for a miracle, and Mirza & Ejaz can start visiting me again. But, with me deciding to try and cut out the long visits done by the uncaring young bully-boys, I’ll stand no chance now. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – TTFN, Keep safe, and Good Luck! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – My last photographic adventure,
I thought I’d caught an alien invader. Come to see Europe’s raging wildfire?
I had a minutes-worth of Ataxia, Did they bring weapons, armamentaria?
“‘Twas the light bulb’s reflection, “I get dafter!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Last night’s meal left me with digestion,
How did it taste? A Good question,
My rating was 3.5 out of 10!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – TUESDAY 28th JULY 2025 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
06:30hrs: Bounced out of bed, removing the night pouch as I jumped over the wheelchair and did a few minutes of shadow boxing, as I hummed the National Anthem.
A hundred or so press-ups later, then some squats and toe touchings, and I needed the Porcelain Throne… – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Alright, I’ll start again then… – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I begrudgingly woke up with bladder pains of the flowback nature. My immediate thought was: Shit! I’ll have to get a taxi to the QMC A&E now. Naked, I instantly started finding problems before checking first. Another £30+ in taxi fares, then a wait of four-and-a-half hours like last time, waiting to be seen. Blood and urine bursting out through the fungal lesions on my sadly shrinking minuscule, battered mini-pinkie… The embarrassment, frustrations, and a mega-depression to cope with…, then realised there was nobody to help me get dressed! I’d have to go with the clothes in the walker-trolley, and a dressing gown on. I checked the night bag to find I’d left the smaller day bag on overnight! That was the problem giving me the backflow to the kidneys. I emptied it straight away, and slowly, after emptying & taking an Oxycodone.
I noticed my eyesight was much worse this morning, put oil in the ears, and drops in the eyes. Then all the other unsettled, unsorted, not solved issues came flooding in. Oligarchal British Gas & Virgin Media. CorelDraw, the bank farce, Neurology, EENT, Nutall Hospital… on and on these worries worried me. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Some bother with the Carer this morning. I was in a right bad, gruff mood, and I kept finding things for him to do each time he sat in the recliner to use his mobile. I told him yesterday that we would go down on his longer call to get the keyboard I can see. He went through each of the clapped-out keyboards I had and found one that had packed up yesterday. Got it going, but it is still too much hard work seeing it in such a worse state.
I suggested we go to the computer shop to get a replacement; then he told me the man rang him and said he had no lit-up keyboards in stock. Doubts showed their faces, but I said we would go to the shop tomorrow. Then get some spuds, then call at the opticians to explain that I had a seizure at the pre-op meeting at the EENT, and had to wait six weeks to get another appointment; that was for two weeks later! Then we can catch a bus outside the opticians back to the flat. If I have time, he said. I got him to mop the kitchen floor; it needs it nearly every day, with me being barefoot. Got him to clean between the fridge door; it was filthy. He returned to his mobile in my recliner. I asked him to check the dates on some food in a box behind the chair. Five minutes later, he was back sitting on the recliner, mobile recording. I asked him to clean between the cupboards in the kitchen. But he just watched me do them instead. I did a decent job too. Then realised it was me who did them. I asked him to sort the dates in the fridge, and he said, “I’ve done enough now”! So, I was busier than before he came on his second hour-long visit. Which meant that when he arrived for the 16:00hr medicine call, I’d barely started this blog! I used to love doing the blog. I was so weary, foofy-eyed, and frustrated that I let him do his usual: more time spent on his phone than doing anything. Which tempts me to accept the offer from the lady to be Carer for me, and get rid of the pathetic young Carer I’m stuck with. No problems with Misra, but he calls on me less often, and Carer Ejaz doesn’t call at all now. I still sense an ulterior or hidden truth about the way I’m being treated. Shame. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Sister Jane rang me, but I was at my lowest ebb in years at the time. I may have been less than appreciative, forcing a thanks for calling as I put down the phone. Feeling ashamed and guilty. The last time my balance was as low as this,
would be around about 1966. I can’t write anymore. I’m a gibbering wreck. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I’m hoping that Carer Mirza comes tonight.
He did not come; another vote in favour of getting rid of the Carers altogether.
Without the help of Mirza & Ejaz,
it’s just not working. I cannot see it working, and I cannot afford it. I need intervention from a safe source, PLEASE! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Carer in other room as I prepped the meal.
Mizra would help me when using knives, knowing I drop and lose grip on things later in the evenings.
Dropped the mug Jenny gave me last time I broke one, grabbed at it and clouted my knuckles on the counter edge and missed the mug, which shattered on the floor. Carer appeared and got the mess cleared for me. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I wondered for a moment if my plea to go into a home is proceeding or has been rejected? No communication re the situation. But with the crisis in Social Care and the NHS, I can understand if it is being refused.
But I can’t go on much longer financially, or emotionally, with the cost of the Carers, and the bank statements not being looked at yet, weeks after they arrived and I informed the relevant people. The Warden and the NCC Procurement. No communication re the situation.
Understandably, methinks, but it still makes one think about an existence amidst billions, and feeling useless, pathetic and abandoned. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Sourdough breag, bacon, fresh peas,
potato Curlies. I ate the lot! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Inchies Hospital Day Blog Wednesday 22nd July 2026 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Might be short, timewise, medical limitations, and the cost of the bloody taxis might bankrupt me. “Tsk!” – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Another broken sleep pattern. I rose, jumped out of the bed, did a double somersault over the c1966, £300 Oxfam charity shop-bought, wincingly grotty, beige-coloured, crumb-covered from my nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, positively unhealthy, and dangerous, no longer operational, virus-breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, catheter-tube-trapping recliner. Popped out onto the balcony and sang a good morning yodel to the local neighbours, and did 200 naked press-ups… All right, I know, I know. I’ll start again then. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I woke at 05:15hrs, and stayed there, dejected, morose, and stayed in the same position, physically, but under the strain of mental turmoil and depression, for an hour or so. Thus, a normal awakening. Again, I’d not put the night pouch on last night. It was so blown up I expected it to burst, but it didn’t. Was my luck changing? Hahaha! What a daft thought!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I measured the jug of urine, and guessed the colour, and hastened, albeit it more of a hobbled-swift-limp, to the Porcelain Throne. This evacuation was in much more of a Constipation Conrad style, a rarity of late. Much to the displeasure of my haemorrhoids. Little cleaning up was needed, & no escpages. Which was a nice change – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Of to check if I’d left anything on the cooker, left the fridge or freezer doors open, or taps left running. Then took the potatoes from the pan, ran cold water on them and threw them away. Krangleturds! Then washed last night’s pots I’d left soaking in the sink. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
My mind semi-engaged, as I remembered this was the hospital day, and faux-planned what needed doing in preparation. Which, as usual, I abandoned and started doing something else. This time I strayed off the plot, and did the Health checks. And was pleasantly surprised to see (both of the day were) figures in just High. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I got the computer on, and realised I’d not made the list of things to do and take with me to the hospital. But got sidetracked in my mission, as Carer Akram arrived. He noticed a fresh bruise on mt forehead. He took a snap of it with my camera. I could not see a bruise. Akram is a good listener and remembers things that I ask him to do, and started without any asking or prompting. He Phorpained my back, neck, and shoulders after using the remover spray. Issued the medications. I forgot to ask him to have the Catheter bag changed. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I spent a while making a list of things to do in preparation of the hospital visit, what to take with me. Mizra reminded me to take the paperwork last night, and put it into the waker-trolley for me in a hard envelope, bless him. The camera was too big to carry. A Kodak, and an old Kodak, so it is rather bulky and heavy. Hearing aid in the tab-holes with new batteries, and both of my prescription glasses. Added the bus pass if needed, and enough money for the taxi each way. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – When the next Carer arrived, he thought that there would be no Escort coming. Then I got an email saying the Easy-Link lift to go to the QMC EENT had been cancelled due to the bus breaking down. This brought on anger, as my bad luck gets more frequent every day! A deep depression, and fear about not having enough cash to pay both ways for taxis! With a chance of no Escort as well, I was ready to call it a day. But I think a Carer said it was arranged, but it won’t be me… I clung to the hope. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I turned off the computer, and pressed on with a stand-up wash, shave and teggie-cleaning in the wet room. With a most disturbing uncertainty. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
As I washed and shaved, the telephone chirped into life. I got to the landline, and it was the Doctor’s surgery receptionist, giving me the INR test results. I returned to the wet room to find I’d left the hot tap running and now, potentially had the cleanest wet room floor than ever before. I’d just put soap powder and bleach in the sink to soak the flannels, then the water spilt over onto the deck! As I was mopping it up, I knocked a full kitchen roll into the flood. Without thinking, my mind at this point was engaged with self-pity… I bent down to retrieve it, and hit my head on the edge of the sink. Then the intercom chimed up. No video on the screen, just black. I pressed the open door button, and returned to the wet room and hastily got some more water to go down the drain hole. Whoever it was on the intercom had not arrived yet. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – PREPARING, TRAVELLING TO, TREATMENT AND RETURNING What a wonderful pleasure; it was Carer Ejaz who arrived to be mt escort to the hospital! I could not help myself and hugged him as he entered the room. Bad news about having to get taxis both ways, but he was such a help in getting me ready, and a comfort. He went through the list and made sure I’d got everything needed for the trip. Ordered a taxi and got me dressed; I gave Ejaz all the cash I had to sort paying the drivers with. And down to the main foyer in plenty of time to meet the cabbie. Helped me into the car, but the trolley walker collapsed in the boot, and we were off on our way to the hospital. The driver got us there in plenty of time. But by the time he’d struggled to get somewhere to park and drop us off, things were a little tight. £8.90, not bad that. I went in; no one was on the reception desk. Ejaz asked someone where we should be, and we were sent to the lifts. Once we got there, I recognised the layout from my last visit. We signed in and sat down waiting to be called in. A few minutes later, a lady came and called out my name, and we followed her to a treatment room. I thought she looked like the lady who was treating me when I had the seizure. When we got in the room, I recognised her as the same lady. She was so understanding and patient with things and me, Bless Her.🌸🪷 A long session of eye-testing and Q&As followed. She was understanding of my struggle to get into position on the viewer, with pain from arthritis in my neck and shoulder. Never showing any sign of frustration. Nine different tests were done on each eye. Then the wall chart readings through different holed cards, and with various other patterns, were done. At this stage, she kindly explained the result so far. This was prompted by my Ejaz saying I thought I’d got Cataract in the left (far worse vision than the right one), and Glaucoma in the left eye. I was wrong. I’d got Cataract in both eyes. The floaters had increased greatly in the left eye, and were starting in the right one. Then she explained how serious it was, much worse than they were in her tests months ago when I had the seizure. That stopped the proceedings as she thought I was having a heart attack, and she called the CAT team, and I was kept in cardiac overnight. I did mention that when I’d been home for a few days, I was not sure if I’d been fully assessed or not. I called the hospital and asked if I needed to come in again, or await further tests. I was told, “They do know what they are doing”, and the phone died. She seemed concerned about this, and it prompted an apology for it taking them so long- months- to get in touch with me. Then a lady said I need further tests in the scan room, for further examinations to clarify her own findings. She led us back to the waiting area, where I found a slightly higher chair to sit on as we waited. I can’t recall the name of these scans, but they were better than a kaleidoscope, and much brighter. On both eyes, she took several different scans. I was struggling to keep perfectly still, and she had to do a few again. But she was patient with me, and talked throughout, explaining what she was testing and what she was testing. But even with the hearing aids, I didn’t realise this; Ejaz told me afterwards. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Then all done, the first lady collected us, and we went back to the first treatment room. One more test on both, for clarification with scans. Then, some eye drops were put in. I was given two double-sided A4 print-outs, with tips and procedures to be followed, and follow-up guidance. The print was so tiny, minuscule! She recommended that I get someone to read it to me. Had she noticed the hearing aids I was wearing? – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I was hoping to get the tram & bus back home was we left for the exit; both free with my passes. But no, Ejaz (not his fault) ordered a taxi, as he had to get me home quickly, as he had his regular client to visit. My immediate thought was, why am I no longer a regular with Ejaz? I sense some ulterior motive for this. Thus my £39 in the morning dwindled to £3.45 by the time we got back to the flat. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Well, gone midnight now, I’m so weary. I’ll try to make a meal up, and myself get to bed. Not that I anticipate getting much sleep. So many nights of broken sleep, with the mind always rattling away reminding me of my multitude of unresolved problems, – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – TASTE RATING: 7.1/10
Knocked ice off of individual clunks of out-of-date chips from the oven. They were not as good-tasting as anticipated. But the no-butter buttered bread rolls, and last of the Roquefort cheese? Delicious! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – 🌹🌺🌷TTFN🌷🌺🌹 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – I appreciate Earth’s coming extinction, I hold my own-formulated view, an apriorism, What brought about this abnormalisation? Which worsened with each generation, Bringing about this apocalypticism, Be it Oligarchs making ammunition… Gangsters, Mafia, or another Politician, Judges, give five 5 tears for non-fatal arson, Murderers get 10, out in five with remission, A fine for Bankers showing corroboration, Barristers, judges, hypocritical and alien, Starmer, Trump, Xi Jinping and Putin… Each dishonest, a liar, using abstraction, They start wars, just for a distraction… What can be done by the proletariat, scum? Are all crooks standing at each election? Starmer is a clever liar; taught as a barrister, Who often welcomes a backhander, This is why he is sadly still in power, Starmer the feigner, the verbal-dribbler, But the opposition is not a lot better… Kemi Badenoch, Tory Shadow Leader… Your Party, the only NHS supporter, I feel for Kemi, after the Tory disaster, Nigel is the only leader who’s a smiler, Despite his failings, Keir’s still the leader? PM? I see him as a National Grim Reaper, Promises not kept, the NHS sinks deeper… He’s a disingenuous, foxy equivocator, So, I’m ready for my sepulchre… Life is now full, apocryphally, I’ve no strength to act anarchically, Last week, the nurse said to me… A blocked Catheter is a medical emergency. The next day, the Catheter was blocked, poor me! Two nurses came to change the contraption, Both failed to complete the action… My Willie refused each attempted insertion, After they held a phone conversation… Told me to get a taxi to the QMC, Reporting to the A & E… So, I did, it cost me £25.40! Getting there took time, an hour and forty! Got inside, the place, A & E, was filthy… No towels or paper in the WC, Through the lesions, I began to forcefully pee! I waited until I was called in the A & E, Got called, I went, urine drippingly… A nurse asked questions, & did my BP, Back in a chair, ever waitingly, To another waiting room, he led me, Then the lesion wee’d, more forcefully, I hobbled back to the main room WC, Now it had towels and bog rolls, thankfully, Clean up what I could, embarrassingly, Returned to the waiting room number three, “Where have you been?” She said to me, I had a leak, had to go to the cludgie, “They’ve moved you to the back of the queue!” She said, smiling, “I took a seat, waitingly!” A good job, this was a Medical Emergency! They may have sent me home to return on Friday, Two yobboes were arrested, while I sat patiently, Getting late, will they have time to tend to me? A Urologist called my name, eventually… To his cubicle, he then guided me, He set about putting in a new style Catheter… With a hook on the end to go into the bladder, He failed his first try, I was worried… Tried & failed again, tut-tutted, and phoned, “We’ll try once more, with Mr Edward”… “Follow me!” So, did… Not in a good mood for failing… He urged me along, as I was hurried, Mr Edward was not happy either, I’m afraid, Had his coat on, his expression gave out dread… He didn’t speak; maybe he was an android? His angry eyes, I had to avoid… Think he was on his way home, thus annoyed, He wasn’t pleased working where I’d wee’d, He had a go getting the hooked tube inserted… Gave out a mild growl when he failed, Tried once more, success was achieved! No tips or advice on the new Catheter device, No, I’m wrong, I was not supposed… to touch the stick-on pad on my thigh! Got his coat on, out the door he did fly, I stood in the corridor, like a homunculi, No one in sight, I almost wanted to cry… The nice nurse came to me, eye-eye… I’m to wait in the corridor, and defunkify… Waiting on a lift home, which was nigh! Glad I was classed as a Medical Emergency, Cause I saw no signs of any urgency, The men came to the ambulance & they led me, To the vehicle with pains in my right knee, Then I must admit, to a little self-pity… As the drivers locked me in and left me, Tired, hungry, cold, and stinking of pee… As they went to collect more patients, To collect them from different departments, Slowly, they loaded up the ambulance, I dropped off last, as midnight advances, They took me up to the flat, taking no chances, In case I had any tumbles or seizures, Rang NCC control, using the Alert Controllers, Then I found the hot water, icily colder! No wash, shave, or urine removal, Too risky for me to keep boiling the kettle, Warmed water, to clean the crutch and testicles, The Catheter sticker, and divider adminicle, It moved, collapsed, pulling on my appendicle, The sticker fell off after a while… Remember, it’s a Medical Emergency… To which I should get a taxi to the QMC, Couldn’t afford a taxi home; I had barely a penny! I calmed down to make an appraisal… Nine hours and £25.40, to get fitted… Four hours later, I involuntarily micturated, It’s Sunday now, and I’m well-miffed, I hope you can follow my drift… Then you can advise me, My body & mind are acting inappropriately, I’ve lost my Ode plot again, sadly… Even thinking is rather addledly, The right leg is much easier today, Unlike Shaking-Shoulder-Shirely, She’s giving me near agony, I asked Carer Mizra to ring the Doctor, Then he can arrange a day and hour… That fits in with the ICC Carers, I think that’s sensible and wise, Hope the Catheter has no blockages, No advice or guides from the QMC Doctors, On managing with the new Catheters, All I’ve been told by the nurses is… “Any problems, get a taxi to the QMC”, Taxi? I may not have enough money, And it is a Medical Emergency. The nurses will be glad to see the back of me, What with me calling them fortnightly, And my squirting, spraying my pee… Through the lesions on Little Inchy, I think I’d be better in a home residency, I wouldn’t be bothering Frank & Jenny, For doing this, I’ve always felt guilty, Waiting on many a visit, neurology… Cataracts & Glaucoma, retest the kidney, Find out what’s causing the collapsing knee, Help from Age UK, they promised me… Someone would call, a wheelchair repairer, Sort the water heater, so I can shower, Help with the bank site, logging in, Same with British Gas, and Virgin, But I got new hearing aids that don’t fit, I’m hoping to get some financial benefit, Attendance allowance, will it pay for taxis? For the instructed fortnightly visits, I’ll lose a day each time. I’m so needy, Solving issues? I’m incapable, pathetically, Depression? I class myself as a Bezonian, Living with pain, confusion and humiliation, Without mental or physical coordination, I’m linked to floccinaucinihilipilification, I’m forlorn, forfoughten & feel forsaken… Good luck to me is geason, within reason, Frequently, I issue self-imprecation, The brain will not stop its fermentation, Even after a seizure, with the inanition… I’m waffling on again, through frustration? Moan, groan, grumble; is this self-deception? To avoid possible self-deletion… I’ve decided! My only solution… To get things sorted, in fair condition, Go into a Care Home, it’s the only solution! I’ll ask how, with a solid conviction, That way, I may avoid eviction! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
During my absence from my beloved blogging, I’ve had another stay in hospital and two visits to A&E. I’ll not mention the Catheter Contraption farce here, or the unbelievable changes made to the medical, or the list of reactionary procedures implemented on the last occasion. In the event of the Catheter bag blocking again. (Five times this week! Classed as a Medical Emergency – You’ll love what I’ve been told to do when it blocks again and each time following.) The Ode I hope to write later will, well, might reveal it all. Might reveal it all? Why the might? I’ll tell yers… The engineer returned to look at the non-working, brand-new computer he sold me and performed whatever steps were necessary. Assured me that the comp-F’ing-uter can now access all three of the hard drives, and CorelDraw is working again. Knowing the past record of visits, I did not allow a flutter of belief or even possible joy. How right I was not to! The next morning, it took me four tries to start the computer. This told me that access to the required files could not be made. Have they been moved? Deleted? Make sure that (this was all computer jargon from here on; all I knew was that it was in the same crippled state as before the visit). Also, CorelDraw had blacked out all the options again; Save, Import, Export, and could not access the hard drives anyway. As I mentioned in my last blog, ages ago, both cameras are kaput, so even the pleasure of taking sky shots with them means nothing; I couldn’t get them on the computer anyway. Over my enforced holiday break (Huh!), apart from the Catheter agonies and time spent failing to get the tube back in, I reckon that, counting the hospital ones, I must have had various medics grabbing, bruising, making the lesions bleed, 19 failed attempts to get the Catheter tube back in! The agony needs a stronger word.
At least I’ve managed by asking the Carers, emailing the Doctor and phoning the Community Nurses, to get some more of the precious-to-me Oxycodone painkillers. I only take them when needed; they are very strong with so many risky side effects, page after page. Now, computer permitting, I shall open my own-made rhyming word on a notebook, and start this rare Ode… – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Each time I woke… I took him to bed with me, Now he’s part of the family, I write this Friday, at 03:33,
Who needs help, domestically?
Who needs help, physically? Who needs help, mentally? A man who frustratedly… It happens to be me… Who had a thought, suicidally, Will I act? Determined, bravely? Eyes that get worse visually,
An occupied mind, that distressingly… slowly denying me accessibility, – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – ODE TO MY LAST HOSPITAL VISIT I awoke to find myself with new pains in the right knee, Walking into things regularly, so absentmindedly,
Mind confused, my body unsteady, & wobbly
Care Ejaz came, my Catheter was empty… I guzzled water, too much admittedly,
Soon, the pain turned into absolute agony,
I took an Oxycodone & Codeine, medically
I rang the District Nurses immediately,
An Angel came to change the Catheter…
3 tries at inserting the tube, all a failure,
I felt I needed another Beta-Blocker,
Nurse left, another came hither…
3-failures to get the tube in my tallywhacker, Get a taxi to the QMC, go to the A&E, I got the number from my Angel Jenny, Jenny rang, it’ll be here shortly,,,
Difficult to get hurriedly ready,
No Carer to help me, do you see?
No shoes, no socks, I remembered the money, £15 each way, should cope adequately, Took kitchen towels and remembered the key,
Carer came, took me down for the taxi, Nice car, legs not squashed, from DG, I augured a problem was coming to me…
A young, pleasant man, the driver… To the ring-road – where we met the bother!
Road repairs, traffic unmoving, frustrating,
The ring-road was full, nothing was moving… Traffic lights were out, and I was fuming,
And the Fare costs were increasing!
Still, we had time for chat & blather,
I just hoped I’d not burst my bladder, Eventually, we arrived at the hospital, Cost £25.40, No cash left for a taxi returning!
Through the doors, the scene was awful,
The smell of booze, bad language… dispicable,
Usually I try to be amiable and amicable,
Some patients, gloomy-looking and scowling,
Others muttering, spitting and swearing, Low spirits & morosness were almost illuminating,
To the reception, answered the questioning,
Told to sit down, so I started waiting…
Someone will call my name, hopefully…
The scene oozed thoughts apocalyptically, Flapdoodle is being spoken, almost angrily, Someone shouted Gerald Chambers. Ah, that’s me! I had trouble getting there, cause of my knee,
The lady who called acted patiently…
Took my vitals, told me to sit to wait to be taken away, I hoped the bladder & Inchy didn’t get leaky,
Hoping no seizures came, or bleeding from my pinkie,
Prayed I’d not fall asleep, for me that’s customary,
A man came for me, so many corridors, bafflingly,
That waiting room was packed, almost fully…
One seat free, near a door, it was very draughty,
Folks going in and out, returning with a takeaway…
Bottles in brown bags, then whodunwrongitry…
Two people arrived from the constabulary…
Arresting two yobboes, & took them away,
Then, disaster overtook and harassed me!
Urine flowed violently & freely,
For the lesions on Little Inchy,
Embarrassed and getting panicky…
I ask a medic, “Where’s the nearest WC?”
Near the door, where you came into the A&E! Finding my way went tentatively, nervously, Through the corridors, any which way? The flow was getting greater on my way, No one was in the bog, I’m glad to say…
What I found in the WC caused great dismay, No bog rolls, towels, my kitchen roll, thankfully, Was with me in my walker trolley…
The floor was awash, & very stinky I used it all up, trying to clean body & Inchy, But felt I must stink. Self-loathing angrily, My state & condition were full of adversity
Catastrophe, contretemps, then another difficulty, Ending it all came into mind as an appetency,
Still soaking PP’s, back to the room I did flee,
Unfortunately, getting lost on my way…
Got my bearing, got back, annoyingly…
The desk lady snorted out to me…
You’ve missed your call!
The world around me went into amorphy, “You’ve been moved to the bottom of the listing”
This pain & frustration were not self-inflicting,
I felt like I was sort of intruding…
I wished I’d bought a bottle of Ivermectin,
This medical horror, I’d not been expecting, Did I deserve this suffering and vilifying? As night came on, I was almost shivering…
Damp, cold, and waiting, still waiting…
A blocked Catheter is classed as a medical emergency,
Staff seemed to adopt being unconcernedly?
I was here, involuntarily, & unblamedly? Much later, a Doctor took me, none too soon…
Into his little treatment room, Asking me, “What’s your problem?”
Not seeming to want my custom…
Mind you, he was very handsome,
I told him my story, so gruesome,
He inspected things, at first casually,
Then noticed the lesions bleeding away,
These need treatment immediately!
See your Doctor to get a referral quickly, Then he tried to insert a tube into Little Inchy, He was determined to get it in forcefully, Could he get it in? No way!
He made a phone call, then he said…
A specialist is needed, come this way…
Then led through corridors, to see a Mr Day,
Sat me on a chair, more waiting,
At least this time, there was no queuing… Mr D, I told him the leaking was unrelenting,
Scarily, he said surgery needs doing…
on the penis lesions. Which was nerve-gnawing, I prayed he was hypothesising, I hope it’ll all be part of the guarishing?
Tube insertion failed on the first try, worrying! His 2nd try, and by gum, it went in! No advice or referral made, & I was listening,
The BP lady arrived, with good news – Amazing!
I’d got a lift home arranged, very pleasing!
Put me on a corrodor chair, again, waiting…
I and my clothes must have been stinking! I fell asleep, and believe I was dreaming…
Of playing in a World Cup final, & winning!
Woken up by the ambulance men for lifting,
Put in the vehicle, of patients needed fetching, By then, I was experienced at waiting, I mused over recent & today’s abhorrencies.
Wild thoughts flowed in abundances, The ambulance, filled up, we started homewards,
Who got home last? Naturally, it was Chambers,
They took me up to the flat, rang NCC control,
To say I had returned, which seemed subjectable,
I thanked them, my thoughts were now scattered, My clothes needed throwing, I needed showering…
Body scrubbing, disinfecting, and shaving…
But no, the tap’s hot water was almost freezing!
Used the kettle for hot water, for washing,
Anne Gyna was really hurting, And the right knee again had me wobbling,
So painful walking, hobbling & genuflecting, Of course, I’d missed my medicationing…
I called NCC repairs in the morning,
Chap came out for repairing, The tap was cold again by evening, I started this blog-Ode, as a Carer was visiting…
He did my bit of shopping,
No blog for so long, I stayed home Odeing,
I really should have gone shopping with him,
Roast smoked pork on the list, I got blended bacon,
Which ended up in the waste bin, I couldn’t blame Ejaz; I knew what would happen,
Phoned the District nurses, & got information…
They’ll no longer service my Catheter Contraption, It’s a different one, much more complicated, Dangerous, Nurses cannot be implicated…
They are barred from attending, I’m worried,
So, as blockages happen fortnightly… I was instructed to take a taxi to the QMC, Specifically to the A&E, If it happens at night, no Carer with Inchie? Whose to get my shoes and clothes on for me? What if I have no money for the taxi?
Am I not asking too tendentiously?
The thought of going through the futility, Embarrassment, pain, and agony, Filthied, fetid, bloodied, and self-dirtied,
Threatened by yobboes, taxi overcharged,
Waiting here and there, get home so tired…
Angry, a day wasted, feeling withered,
Time for my wild thought to be reactivated?
I’ve never felt so frustrated,
That says a lot! I could have wept… I just wondered… – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – All day, every try until this one, I could not access any files or folders. Suddenly, I could, so I got the BP graphic on. I have no hopes of it being available again later. It was not available ten minutes ago, I’ll try again… HUH! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I could spit! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
What next, I thought…
I just found out that the hot water is cold again!
Walked into the door frame.
Dropped my mug of Glengettie.
Trying to mop it up, using the stick at the same time, my right knee gave way, and I clouted it and banged my head on the edge of the worktop as I grabbed to stop myself from going all the way down.
Breaking an arm off of my damned spectacles. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – One couldn’t write fiction any scarier! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
I want to make myself free…
of failure, fear, living fretfully,
nervously, and lessen the mental
and physical pains & confusion. Just thought I’d mention it. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
OLD CARTOON – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
