A few springing awakes, in response to bodily calls for the WC overnight. I forced missen up at 0445hrs. Blood all over me lower regions again, I wus a bit concerned for a while, but it stopped after a little attention.
WC.
Made cuppa, took medications.
WC.
I spent so long trying to sort out me Coreldraw problem, again without the slightest hint of any success. It’s all beyond me yer know.
Monday 15th September 2014
Not so good this morning, angina very bad and dizzy spells rampant, may have to go see the GP methinks.
I was up at 0505hrs after another night of nightmares and WC visits. Juan is getting fed up with this now.
Hard to concentrate this morning.
Now the guts have started rumbling again. Tsk!
WC.
Cuppa, WC and laptop started. Had another go at trying to find out what was the matter with Coreldraw9, but not knowing what I was doing didn’t help at all.
Beautified myself as best I could, washed, teggies, shaved, clean togs etc, and got things ready for my hospital visit for Warfarin level tests.
I set off to take some things to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop, (DVDs togs and cutlery).
Got as far as the end of the street, then returned to put me hearing aids in.
Set off again… then returned to the hovel to retrieve the bag of stuff for the Hospice that I’d left when I returned to put me hearing aids in… Tsk again!
Hobbled into Sherwood to the Hospice shop, (Bit of traffic about this morning) then caught bus into town and went into the pound shop for a gander.
Got some desserts to add to the things for the nurses treats at the Queens Medical Centre Haematology dep’t. I like to treat em and make em smile yer know.
When I came out of the Pound Shop, I came across a Greek chap selling fish and chips from his van, and a Mobility Scooter driver, who had left his scooter in the middle of the avenue, and was busy stood there digesting his nosh, while others had to walk around his deadly scooter, and cars had to wait until he’d finished his nosh. Amazing really innit?
I caught bus out to the QMC, and saw a sports car that had left the road and ran into a wall. Emergency services were there.
Dropped off the bus, and wandered up to the entrance – to find that yet again the fire alarm had activated, and a mass of bodies: ambulance team members, patients who had nipped out for a fag in the No Smoking Area, out-patients, visitors and, judging by how many shoulder-charged me as they belted passed me when we were allowed to enter, Olympic sprinters and rugby players!
I hid in a corner and let em get through, then hobbled in and got me ticket. All done in five minute of entering the dept, I limped to the bus stop and caught a bus to Bulwell – in the hope of getting some more Microwave sausages and any other cheapo offers. But, there were neither available.
A mobility scooter personage drove passed a stall and knocked some stuff off the display – he never paused at all, just drove on to scare someone else…
But at least none of the deadly mobility scooter drivers got me today.
I might regret saying that later…
Back to the bus station, and caught bus back to the hovel.
When I got in and settled, the yobs appeared on the street… so I went upstairs and got me head down early.
A small Nottingham budget film company, 4Ms (Mike’s Majestic Monochrome Machinations Inc.) has acquired pro tem financial backing from Walt Disney Euro, to go ahead with its brand new super-hero film series.
As I approached the companies new main studio, I was greeted my one of the owners a Clivey-boy, along with a rather gorgeous young lady at his side (He appeared to be involved in fund raising for the film I assumed), and was pointed in the direction I needed to go to find Mike, the majority shareholder in the company.
As I approached the companies new main studio, I was greeted my one of the owners a Clivey-boy, along with a rather gorgeous young lady at his side (He appeared to be involved in fund raising for the film I assumed), and was pointed in the direction I needed to go to find Mike, the majority shareholder in the company.
Mike was in the process of interviewing a little known actress called Letitia Prodworthy for the lead female part in the film.
Actors considered for the starring role were:
Majority shareholder of the company, Mike explained the idea and plans for the series to the Aged Arthritics Association Entertainment reporter C. Verilittal; “We had noted that there are currently no really ugly, disabled, or elderly super-hero’s making films nowadays. In the old days we had Ernest Borgnine in films, and the likes of Cannon, and Kojak on the Television”.
Incock came into the shed/studio, and disappeared into the WC.
Mike coughed then continued; I believe we have come up with a character that can fill all of those traits, with our new 68-year-old virgin actor Juan Inchcock. He is keen to learn, and likes the idea of becoming well known and people talking to him.
We offered him £15,000 a film to start with, but he thought that would be too much for a novice like himself, and demanded we pay him £50 a film, but wanted free cups of tea, time off to feed the ducks, private medical cover and £10,000 for the Nottingham Hospice. So we readily agreed.
After hearing the list, I had to agree that Inchcock has all the natural attributes that can be used in the films, originality, ugly looks and he comes so cheaply too.
The immediate advantages of our using Inchcock in the role are:
Inchcock: This will be presented as a novelty, and never has a smaller novelty been revealed on film!
Impetigo: His Impetigo can be used as a slow motion weapon, as he passes it on through touch to the villains!
Hearing Aids: These can be used as radio transmitters, oral sat-nav, or radio receivers. There is great scope for many uses, never before used in movies!
Spectacles: Never have cracked NHS plastic-framed thick lensed spectacles been used by a super-hero in films before, another first for our company!
Arthritis: This will ensure a perfectly balanced and genuine limp is caught on film, and the screams of agony on bad days will be genuine! And how many stars of the past do we see dropping things unexpectedly as their fingers/hands freeze up? Inchcock will be so original in the part.
Colostomy Bag: Never knowingly been worn before by any super-hero in films, yet another first?
Medications: Never has a super-hero been filmed having to stop to take his medications throughout the production, a first for us once more!
Pot Belly: We anticipate this being used in the combat scenes, like a miniature Big Daddy would have used his.
Bald Head: The perfect example, naturally shiny, it can be used in the sunny scenes to blind his opponents with the sun’s reflection. There has been a few bald super-hero’s with a bald head, Kojak, Yul Brynner etc. But never one with such a misshaped head as Inchy’s!
Inchy’s stutter: He’s apparently had a stutter when he talks to members of the opposite sex since the age of nine, when he was caught in the girls shower and certain comments were made about his appendage, that brought on his phobia. As far as we know, there are no other lead actors with a stutter in the industry, another first for Mike’s Majestic Monochrome Machinations Inc.
Bow Legs: Apart from cowboy hero’s, bowed legs have not been used in super-hero films before!
Few Teeth remaining: This will make it so easy for us to use false teeth getting knocked out on set! Saving money again!
Ready-made Scars: Perfect for simulating injuries obtained in his fight for justice in the films. His cardiac surgery scars, groin scars from Hernia and cancer operations, leg/groin scars from Prostate surgery, stomach wounds from Duodenal Ulcer procedure, a multitude of head scars and dents to make use of, crushed toes scar, left two arm scars, three right arm scars, one left leg scar, left knee operation scar, right knee wound scar, two left hand scars, one right hand scar, four facial scars, and his misshaped in the boxing ring broken nose, will all be of immense value to us, and save a fortune on special effects.
We caught up later in the day with 4Ms Mike, as he was working on the script at home. He said: “It is hoped, that the Nottingham production of the as yet untitled super-hero series, will begin in March 2015, as soon as the £25.00 financial backing from Walt Disney is confirmed. I’m sure the film industry and its fans are getting very excited about this new concept. I just hope Inchy doesn’t kick the bucket before he can get a chance of success and fame, and for us to make a mint from his singular qualities as a cheap pillock.”
The theme to be used, is that of an 80 year old ex gas lamp wick trimmer from Nottingham, comes out of retirement, only to find the street gas lamps are no longer being used. This annoys him so very much; he sets about finding a source of cheap gas, and reinstalling the Gas Lamps to Nottingham’s streets.
Late Extra:
Unfortunately last night, Inchcock was making some baked beans on toast, and he fell asleep. The pan caught fire, and the studio/shed was destroyed.
We tried to talk with Mike, but he was not available in Nottingham, or his Monaco Villa for an interview.
Inchcock was rushed to the A&E at the Queens Medical Centre, where nervous twitching staff greeted him like a long lost Granddad.
Up at 0530hrs. More nightmares but I can’t remember them.
WC.
No blood from anywhere, that’s a positive.
Made cuppa and took medications.
Laptop on (Very slow this morning… me and the laptop Hehe)
Checked emails etc.
My sister Jane mentioned on the phone last night, that they, who live in the County do not get in free to visit Nottingham Castle, here as I, who lives (Using the term in its loosest meaning) in the City, get in free using my bus pass. She seemed rather irked with this. But her mentioning it, decided me to pay a visit to the Castle, especially as it is free for me.
I got missen prettied up and set off on the good walk to visit Nottingham Castle.
I managed to avoid the skateboarders and cyclist Although there was a couple of close shaves), and got into town, and bought a sandwich and bottle of orange to consume on me hobble around the castle grounds.
I got there, went in – and they charged me £4 entrance. (Flipping sisters eh?)
The feet were stinging and the knees aching by then.
I took many photo’s, until the camera batteries died a death. Went into the Nottingham military museum.
I intend to create a post about the visit, perhaps calling in Inchcock’s Visit to Nottingham Castle, or some other creatively thought up title.
I hobbled into town and caught the bus back to the hoppit.
WC.
Put me things away and made a cuppa. Then udated this tosh.
I called in at an East London car mechanic, who insisted on calling himself himself a Vehicle Technician the other day, to see if my car was ready yet to be picked up, as I had to go to Amsterdam that afternoon.
The chappie explained to me that many problems had been found that he had not anticipated, and produced a list of which he read out to me.
I thought that £900 was a little on the high side, the car can only be worth£290 tops – nor do I recall the front nearside wheel hanging off when I took it in to have a new drivers side wing mirror fitted. As for the damage to the bonnet? But it was a long time ago when I took it in, over six weeks ago and my mind might have been confused a tad. But the wing mirror had still not yet been fitted.
He spat on the floor and with a kindly smile then offered to hire me a company car at a reduced rate that I could use for my business trip to Netherlands.
He pointed out that it was a classic, and would be ideal as it was an estate model, for my transporting my stuff to see the client. And that it was named Gertrude, after Gertrude Elderley the 1924 swimming Olympian who became the first woman to conquer the English Channel two years later. He added that she will be going over the channel herself now, and that was a heart-warming thought as he stifled a tear (or laugh?) and it seemed this brought a smile to his face for some reason.
Anyway, I took the Morris Minor Estate home, but it broke down within two hundred yards.
I walked back to the garage and found the chap stood reading Forbes magazine in the workshop, although using the term work was not strictly applicable.
He cursed under his breath, gave me look that would have done Hannibal proud, and followed me out to the car. He had a look and said threateningly: “Burk! You ain’t put no petrol in it have yer?” Then he wandered off back to his garage… well I say garage…
So I walked to the nearest petrol station, bought a can and some petrol, returned and put it in the car. This was going to be an expensive trip I thought.
I drove to me shed, and loaded the gear I needed easily enough into the back of the Morris Minor. It didn’t take too much effort for me to eventually get the rusty back doors to close, just time, cut fingers and plastic ties.
Trying to sell Gas lamp light wick trimming gear is not easy you know.
The trip went okay, and the car drew much attention, mostly from the Dutch traffic police.
When night came, I left the Hotel Pooier and went for a walk around the city. I came across one of the many brothels, that was to be expected, but guess what I saw – a lucky chappie inside cleaning the windows. I wonder ho they paid him?
I got a bloke to take a picture of this like… what can I make of it?
I waved at him, but he hid behind the curtains.
Any when I got home, I took Gertrude back to the garage mechanic… sorry Vehicle technician, but the road was blocked off by police vehicles and armed response officers. I noted there were Counter Terrorist units, Police helicopters circling above, a Royalty Protection unit, Drug squad vans, Police dog units, Bailiffs, Reclaim Sheriff’s and a head-librarian in attendance.
Up at 0500hrs, and blimey I can remember a dream! (Well some of it anyway)
WC.
Me Dream: I was young fit and working at the Co-op store on Parliament Street in Nottingham, and I think I was clearing all the stuff off the shelves into customer trolleys… there was someone there with me who I recognised but have forgotten who now, then I was on Carlton Hill, pushing the loaded trolley to wherever it was to go, and a girl I used to work with in 1962, Rita appeared on the pavement and started talking to me. I became engrossed in conversation with her, and the trolley ran away down the hill.
Suddenly the hill became somewhere else, but I knew it, and chased after the trolley. As I ran on, doors kept opening in both sides of the road and people were calling to me…
A doctor with a beard, turban and a scalpel in his hands: “Come back, we need to operate again…”
My old boss at Scan security Kevin, with ‘Ross’ one of guard dogs we used: “Ross’s here mate, come in and see him, did you bring any pigs ears for him? He still loves em yer know…”
Brian, the accountant who ripped me off and put me into bankruptcy when I had the shop: “Sorry, it was nothing personal, come in and I’ll make you a cup of tea…”
The Grim Reaper appeared on a rooftop: “Oi… I’m waiting, get yer arse up ‘ere youth…”
Henry Cooper: “Splash it all over…”
Acker Bilk came out of a door, singing “Buona Sera Seniorita”?
There were many others, but I can’t recall them.
I lost site of the trolley as it disappeared into an unrecognised building. I caught up and started searching for it, to find Susan Maughan (Off the song Bobby’s Girl fame, and she married theatre director Nick Leigh, and not me!) emptying the goods from it onto some shelves, she sneered at me “Who the devil are you? Sod off!”
I was amazed that I could remember so much of the dream, very rare that. But, what did it mean? Nowt I suppose, apart form the I’m cracking up?
Started laptop, made cuppa. Took medications.
Started work on some graphics for me later posts, just hoping that BT internet does not start playing up again.
Penned by our Nottingham WordPress resident the decrepit impecunious pensioner, of great senility and ill health Mr Juan Inchcock, with the hopes of encouraging.. er… well something!
Quote from Inchcock:
On my last walk around Nottingham City’s abandoned shops… I mean City Centre, I came across some council workers removing a sign from the wall.
The sign read:
‘Visit Nottingham Castle to hear the fables of Robin Hood and his Merry Men’
The graffiti written below it said:
‘Then visit Nottingham Council House to hear the fables of the Merry Men and their robbing hoods’
“I thought it was hilarious!”
The Lions at the front of the Council House
Created by Joseph Else, the 2 stone art-deco lions stand guard on either side of the entrance steps. They are similar in design to the lions used to publicise the British Empire Exhibition at Wembley in 1924-25. There are alternative ‘names’ attached to them, some people call them “Menelaus and Agamemnon”, others “Leo and Oscar”.
Whatever their names, arranging to meet ‘At The Lions’ has become an essential part of Nottinghamian life since the building opened.
The Left side Lion
1963:
Where the higher class ‘Totties’ would gather, hoping to ply their trade with the more affluent visitors to the ‘Black Boy’ hotel (Now criminally destroyed by backhander seeking councillors) just along the road. I’m told the Totties provided £3 and £5 servicing.
2014:
A popular meeting point for the shoplifting squads and locals. The regular appearances of Protest meetings, Big Issue sellers, a Parking Attendants favourite point of observational value and during the regular various foreign markets, an absolute haven for pickpockets.
The Right side Lion – The more popular of the Lions as a meeting-up place.
1963:
Where local PC’s Dennis ‘Tug’ Wilson (7′ 2½ inches) and Geoffrey Baker (6′ 8½ inches) would position themselves to keep a keen eye on the populous of the City, and responding to questions from the public, and always alert.
2014:
The graffiti is cleaned off regularly nowadays. The CPO’s (Community Police Officers), and occasionally a real PC can be seen using their mobile phones, and if they are needed, as soon as they end their phone call, citizens can speak to them. Nearby you will find the Big Issue sellers, street artists, beggars, Motorbility scooters, Skateboaders, Cyclists and other dangers.
Special Foreign Market’s
1963:
No Special Foreign Market’s were held then. But there was a speakers corner.
2014:
Themed markets are a regular appearance in the slab square nowadays. Themes including: Lithuanian Foods, German, Polish, Austrian, Australian Foods, French Products, and Asian Foods. Amongst the items you would not have been offered in 1963 are: Kangaroo burgers, Shark steaks and Blueberry candyfloss.
Violence
The Sacheverell riots of 1710, riots were a series of public disorder outbreaks that spread across England during the spring, summer and autumn of 1710 in which supporters of the Tories attacked property and places of worship of Whigs St Mary’s Church just off the Slab square becoming a victim.
The Spitalfield Riots of 1769, Luddite Riots of 1812, Reform Bill riots of 1831, Racial Riots of 1958, Protest Riots of 1981, and the Protest Riots of 2014 all had occasion to ply their violence, along with other locations, on the Nottingham Slab Square. The muggings continue, but most of them have moved to the suburbs where there are fewer CCTV cameras.
1963:
I recall a few skirmishes between Mods and Rockers, and between football fans occasionally.
2014:
Last year there were 485 shoplifters arrested (Although less than 200 were prosecuted) – 211 arrests for using threatening behaviour or using violence – One murder – Nine stabbings – 156 assaults – 18 nights of rioting activity – 3 police vehicles fire-bombed and attacked – 4 police officers hospitalised – 9 Ram raids – 11 shop raids with violence – 2 street dwellers died. 8 people knocked over by drunken or illegal drivers – 4 Taxi drivers robbed and assaulted, and 126 muggings. Oh, and the nearest police station was fire bombed.
Transport
1963:
Black Taxi’s with white bonnets and boots lined up on the right side of the Slab Square. Fairs from 1/3p (5 ¼d) Some of the drivers could speak English too.
Trolley and Motor-buses with conductors ruled in this year. Tickets from 1p
2014:
Custom designed and built London style Taxi’s are now ranked off the Square. Fares from… well I don’t know, I can’t afford to use them nowadays.
The new Trams and Motor-buses without conductors rule now. Tickets from £1.80.
Retailers/Trade outlets
1963:
There were about 65 businesses around the square.
Lyons Cafe being another popular meeting place for Nottingham residents.
2014:
There are still about 65 businesses around the square, but a third of them are closed down.
There are now far more eateries, less banks, and the excessive proliferation of Pawn Shops, Charity Shops and Pay-Day Loan sharks were not around in 1963.
The new fountains are a popular place for children to play in and swear at passers by. Unemployed benefit seekers, immigrants, shoplifters, muggers, and wino’s to meet.
In the event of anyone being tempted to move to Nottingham for its Multiculturalism, Wealth, Serenity, or Placid lifestyle, as a result of these meanderings – Please read between the lines!
Up at 0650hrs, WC and got the launderette togs ready, remembering in the drying balls, soap tablets and nibbles for the laundry girl.
Then a cuppa, and on the laptop… eventually thanks BT Internet.
Then up the apples to have a wash and WC.
Rubbish to the bin, and then out to walk to launderette. As I started walking, BJ arrived in his car to give me a lift. Kind of him that.
Got the things in the machine, then walked to chemist for me prescriptions, that were ready on time. Then realised I would not be able to carry the big bag of medications as well as me two bags of washing back home again.
So when I’d got the washing into the drier, I walked back to the pit with the medications, picked up two lollies from the freezer, and took ‘em back to the launderette with me. Mandy was tickled pink that I’d taken them for her, and gave me her excellent ‘Poor old sod’ look.
Got the togs, waved cheerio to Mandy, and legged it back to the flea-pit – where I found a police car, forensic van and reporters outside the house opposite just down the road from mine. An officer was looking for prints on the window frame, so I assume it was another break-in. Why the reporters though? A simple break-in around here is not worth their reporting; else they’d get sued for repetition!
WC.
I updated this Diary, did a bit of blog viewing.
WC.
Then I decided to have a walk into town, and have a look see if any cheapo pyjamas could be obtained. Then changed me mind, and decided to have a walk to Sherwood Nottingham Hospice Shop, take em me ticket maker and few bits and then bus to town for a wander about like.
Had a nice gentle walk into Sherwood, donated me bits and pieces, and glad to be free of the weight I was carrying too. Then I caught a bus to town.
When I got off and walked to cross over towards Clumber Street, I noticed there seemed a lot of people on it for a Monday.
I found out why as I walked down to near McDonalds – two women were going at it something awful, did everything but clobber each other, and that’s what attracted the crowd yer see.
I took a photo of the Nottingham Beach in the slab square, everyone seemed quiet happy.
I moved on and hobbled to the bank, where I waited for twenty five minutes to get served. The teller apologised, but I couldn’t help pointing out the sign behind him that advertised their excellent customer service!
The feet were aching a bit now, and the angina was kicking in. (Tsk)
I hobbled up to the NHS drop-in centre. As recommended to by my GP receptionist who I asked last week where I could get another Medical Card from, as the one the hospital gave me was almost unreadable now. She replied, try thr NHS drop-in centre, so I did.
I explained all this to the lady, who said: “Try your GP!”
Ah well…
I limped back up to the second had record/tape/DVD shop, and he’s saved me a rare Acker Bilk CD, £5, so I treated missen to it.
As I walked down to catch the bus back to Carrington, I took photo’s of a Chinese Medical Shop and the NHS drop-in Centre, don’t know why I did, but I did.
The queue at the bus-stop was enormous, so I went to catch another bus that took another longer route, and got on it and got a seat.
Unfortunately I was unsure which stop to get off at, and overdid it a bit, and found myself with another marathon walk. Never mind eh.
At the end of my street, I saw the Fire Brigade had put up a notice warning us about arsonist working in the area. The police put one up about burglars burgling in the area last month, but someone nicked it.
I called in Lidl to get some cobs – and was in the queue at the check-out for yonks and yonks, eventually giving up and leaving. There were only two tills open, and the poor gal on the one I was at, was having some sort of trouble with the till.
So I hobbled up to the Co-op store and got some Bread Thins on offer at £1, and a pack of 6 iced lollies for the same offer price. Why I did this, having purchased some from Fulton’s yesterday, I haven’t worked out yet.
Laptop started, made a cuppa, took medications and began doing posts fer me blogging. BT Internet permitting this occasionally this morning.
I decided I would go to Bulwell this morning to Fulton’s Freezer Shop, and see if I could acquire some more stocks of the cheapo but wonderful tasting microwave sausages.
Up to the bathroom to make myself beautiful… well a wash, shave and clean togs, and apply me necessary creams to the required components of me decrepit body anyway.
Made sure I’d got me camera, bus-pass, glasses, hearing-aids in, attack alarm, medications, Medical Awareness card, some money and mobile phone with me. (I’m getting better…. ain’t I?).
Shame I decided not to take me walking stick with me – ‘cause as I set off down the road to the bus stop, I had a some difficulty in detaching a little dog that seemed attracted to me right leg. Luckily it didn’t draw blood, despite its obvious intent to. Have to keep me eye out for this on future walks that way down the street. Tsk!
Caught the bus into Bulwell, and called in the Fulton’s there, but no microwave sausages, bother! I remembered there was a Fulton’s in Arnold, so I limped back to the bus station and caught a bus to Arnold.
I found the Fulton store on the Main Street, and hobbled in to search for the microwave sausages – there were only two left in the freezer, so I bought em, with a little sadness that there might be no more on the future, ‘cause I love the taste of em. I asked the manageress and she said they have some more in the back. So I made it three packs wot I bought. Then got carried away and bought some smoked haddock and ice lollies as well, now the bag was getting heavy.
On the way back to the bus stop to get home to me hovel, I called in the Iceland shop to see if they had and Warburtons wholemeal thins. They had, so I bought a pack… and some more iced lollies and cooked ham on offer… the money I spent… I daren’t take missen anywhere!
Then it really was a struggle to carry it all back to the bus-stop.
Dropped off in Carrington, just avoiding a passing Mobility Scooter in which the driver was supping from a can of lager!
Managed to get back to the flea-pit, and put the nosh away, definitely no room left in the freezer now!
Realised I’d left the water heater on, so a bit more money lost there.
Has some microwave sausage sandwiches with BBQ sauce, Marmite crisps followed by three ice lollies and a doughnut.
Permission was granted for Inchcock to blog this dictionary to prevent him from sulking, going off and feeding the pigeons and catching Histoplasmosis and getting himself all depressed again
Amarulence: (Bitterness, spite)
How politicians think of the voters.
Aphnology: (The study of wealth)
What Politicians are preoccupied and obsessed with.
Back-hander: (A bribe or illegal inducement)
Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s already in Parliament would not know what this means.
Bank: (Depository, Investment firm, trust company, A business establishment in which money is kept for saving or commercial purposes or is invested.)
Where politicians prefer not to store their ill-gotten back-handers and bribes, preferring to use Overseas investment accounts.
Barclay’s Bank:
The company who has 35 paid advisor’s from within the ranks of MPs and their family members. (Like Ffion Hague, William Hague’s wife) amongst our MP’s and their relatives, thus getting rescued financially whenever they need to be – Barclay’s is made up of two ‘Clusters’: Retail and Business Banking, and Corporate and Investment Banking and Wealth Management, each of which has a number of Business Units, and bribes official’s of the Government with ease.)
Bifurcated: (Divided into two branches, paths)
Descriptive of the current Liberal Democrat Party
Bribery: (An illegal or underhand inducement)
Only the very new, or the two honest MP’s in Parliament would not know what this means, or be an active participant in bribery.
Businesses: (Commercial, industrial, or professional dealings)
What Britain used to own and run in the UK.
Chrematomania: (Obsession with money)
A disease that grips MP’s the instant they make their first expense fiddling claim. It is considered one of the essential components of the psyche of anyone applying to become a candidate for election in the UK.
Cimmerian: (Very dark; gloomy)
The future for the UK when the Coalition Government took power, it is even darker now for the proletariat, but the Etonites and rich are doing well.
Commendaces: (Funeral orations, Prayers for the dead)
Emotions and impending activity regarding the Liberal Democrat Party
Compassion: (Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it)
Conservative MP’s need not concern themselves with this word or its interpretation; they’ll never need or understand it. Labour members do use this emotion, although of course they are not genuine feelings. One person backs up this theory: Tony Blair.
Decency: (Conformity to prevailing standards of propriety or modesty)
Coalition MP’s need not concern themselves with this word either, they’ll never need or understand it.
Deleterious: (Harmful effect, injurious to others)
The effect that Coalition MP’s lies about VAT increases, and cutbacks have on the proletariat. MPs enjoy being deleterious.
Empleomania: (Insatiable urge to hold public office)
A disease that all future MP’s are born with, a more common word for it is Greed.
Europe: (The area of the globe that has three countries in it that Britain has notbeen to war with, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Morocco. The sixth largest continent, extending west from the Dardanelles, Black Sea, andUral Mountains. It is technically a vast peninsula of the Eurasian landmass)
Rolls-Royce was bought by Germany’s Volkswagen Group in 1998 as part of a £430million deal.
Expenses:
This does bringeth forth great joy to the nepotistic MP’s and their bank balances – Something spent to attain a goal or accomplish a purpose.
Foreigners: (Persons born in or coming from a country other than one’s own)
MPs like these people, and help them by selling off the UKs assets to them. Here are a few: The UK’s most prestigious marquees, Rolls Royce and Bentley, have been respectively owned by BMW and Volkswagen since 1998. – Ford bought Land Rover while MG Rover was sold first to the Phoenix Consortium for a tenner before being rescued from administration by the Chinese Nanjing Automobile Group in 2005. – Ford had purchased Jaguar in 1990, but sold it along with Land Rover to India’s Tata Motors in 2008. – Last year, a survey conducted by the trade magazine The Grocer and the research firm Nielsen found that of the biggest 180 biggest grocery brands in the UK, just 44 are home-owned. – HP brown sauce was the inspiration of Frederick Gibson Garton, a Nottingham grocer in the late 19th Century. In June 2005 the brand became part of the Heinz empire. Heinz itself was purchased earlier this year by Warren Buffet’s Berkshire Hathaway and the Brazilian global investment fund 3G Capital. – Japanese firm Mizkan who, by the way, already owned Sarsons Vinegar and Hayward’s Pickled Onions, purchased Branston Pickle. – Britain’s other large confectioner Rowntree Mackintosh, founded in York in 1862, was bought by the Swiss conglomerate Nestle in 1988. – Scottish & Newcastle Brewery was jointly purchased by Heineken of The Netherlands and Carlsberg of Denmark. – Britain’s biggest bank is HSBC – the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation. – There is nothing more British than Tetley Tea, which is owned by Indian conglomerate Tata. – Selfridges, the Oxford Street department store was purchase by the Canadian Weston family. – British Gas and British Telecom were flogged too, followed by British Airways, British Rail and British Steel. It was a signal that the UK was open for business, and we’ve never looked back. Soon our big companies were also being auctioned to the highest bidders, and that meant that it was often foreigners doing the s-h-o-p-p-i-n-g. ICI, Rolls-Royce and P&O were among the crown jewels that went into overseas hands. The list goes on and on. Now more than 48% of the UK’s listed firms are foreign owned.
But this does not seem to bother the MPs of the UK?
Hamartithia: (Being likely to make a mistake)
A word that the existence of was denied by Margaret Thatcher, then Tony Blair, and every MP since!
Honour: (Personal integrity)
Absolute mystery to MP’s.
Honesty: (Truthfulness, sincerity)
An affliction with some of the proletariat voters, that as yet has not affected politicians at all.
Imperturbation: (Freedom from agitation of mind – calmness – quietude)
Over the years the MPs have cunningly covered their tracks and protected themselves from prosecution for their wrong-doings and lying. So this word is a perfect word to describe the MPs themselves.
Industry: (Refers to the production of an economic good [either material or a service] within an economy)
Manufacturing bases/companies, like we used to have in Britain, car builders, lace manufacturers, shipbuilding, fishing fleets galore, and the likes, now gone! (See Foreigners)
Lying: (Telling fibs)
Without doubt ever increasing proliferations as this word is used more and more, it is rampant throughout our MPs and Government ministers, mind you, they do it as well if not better than many other countries representatives.
Morals: (Personal or cultural values, codes of conduct)
The decline of this words meaning has been falling for a couple of years now – not in Parliament of course, it’s been missing and ignored in there for many more donkey’s years!
Mumpsimus: (A view stubbornly held even when proven to be wrong)
This word was created at the conception of Members of Parliament, and has been present in every Minister of the Governments since!
Nepotism: (Favouritism granted to relatives or friends regardless of merit)
A natural instinct inbred into politicians over the years.
Nonentity: (A person regarded as being of no importance or significance)
An unemployed voter, a member of the proletariat, an NHS patient, an elderly mugged person.
Occulcation: (Act of treading on or trampling underfoot)
A treatment so enjoyed being dished out to the uneducated masses from MP’s
Offshore Accounts:
An essential requirement for all MP’s, even those two who are not on the fiddle. (An investment/ savings bank located outside the country of residence of the depositor, typically in a low tax jurisdiction or tax haven] that provides financial and legal advantages. These advantages typically include: Greater privacy, Bank secrecy, low or no taxation [i.e. tax havens] easy access to deposits (at least in terms of regulation), protection against local political or financial instability.
For further guidance please contact William Hague, David Cameron, Tony Blair, George (‘orrible) Osborne, Gordon Brown, or any of the other fiddling gits!)
Parliament: (A legislature)
A place where MP’s can get up to £500 an hour for attending, subsidised meals, ask questions for money, fiddle their expenses, get their heads down, and vote to give themselves more money.
Personal Assistant: (A well paid slave)
MP’s can have as many of these as they like, and claim for them on expenses. MP’s with a slightly different taste in assistants like Willie Hague and his entourage of male helpers, Lucien, Damien, Tarquin, and Nigella, often utilised the Grand hotel bedroom for consultations, advice, and foible comparisons with them. I’ll miss Hague’s affairs.
Pugnacious: (Argumentative)
MPs will argue black is blue with the most placid of people.
Quiescent: (Inactive or still, dormant)
The hopes of the Liberal Democrat Party
Slubberdegullion: (An unemployed person – Riffraff, a slobbering foul individual, a worthless sloven, a pigpen, a jeeter, a tramp, an uncouth slob)
Any MP.
Tatterdemalion: (Anyone who earns less than £50,000 a year – Someone who lives in the gutter and whose only function on this planet is to serve as a warning to others)
Impecunious voters.
Tyrannicide: (Killing of a tyrant)
A wish that many hope will happen to Coalition Ministers.
Venality: (The condition of being susceptible to bribery or corruption, the use of a position of trust for dishonest gain)
An unavoidable and untreatable foible of Government Ministers and MP’s.
Voter: (One who casts a vote for or against something)
