A mistaken report in local Nottingham Newspaper about jobs available caused another Riot at Nottingham Job-Centre Plus!
There was panic in Nottingham city centre this morning when it was mistakenly published in the local ‘Free paper’, that the Jobcentre Plus on Parliament Street had got 333 new jobs just come in, in error for 3 new jobs.
Shortly after the crowd rushed the centre, police were on the scene – unfortunately, with the Government cutbacks, the Nottingham force being reduced by 385 officers, most of them were tasering and truncheoning their way through the mob to get first in the queue for the jobs!
As the injuries piled up, Paramedics and Ambulance-men (Government cutbacks 150) who attended, joined in the battle for attention from the overwhelmed Jobcentre Plus staff in a desperate bid to get an interview for one of the non-existent jobs.
CSO and traffic warden Mike Steedenski was forced to call in the Army for support (5000+ Government personnel cutbacks). He armed himself with the intention of getting an interview for himself.
When the Army arrived, they started to shoot the mob of job-seeking citizens, policemen, and medical staff, to get through to the front of the queue themselves.
But there were too many job-seekers, Big Issue sellers and trained muggers in the crowd, and the mob started to get the upper hand.
The incident came to a sudden halt when the first floor of the building collapsed under the weight of the angry crowds.
The Fire Brigade could not attend straight away, due to another incident they were tackling, and with the Government cutbacks, they had not got sufficient staff to respond immediately.
The Red Cross, St Johns Ambulance and Boys Brigade Scout first aid badge holders took hours to sort out the living, dead and injured, but heroically did so, despite being hounded by Big Issue sellers, pickpockets and looters while trying to rescue people.
One Boy Scout, Alberto Zwievski-Sozzled (63), was injured by a mobility scooter as he tried to cross the road to tend to an injured mugged Senior Citizen.
Nottingham’s Chief Constable Danny Soz explained:
As the reports of the violence came in, I was on my way to Bermuda for a fact finding mission on how Bermudan addicts roll their weed cigarettes’. As soon as this fact-finding mission is accomplished, I will returned to attend and assess the results of this riot in Nottingham and sort out a few of the scumbag citizens.
Firemen attending the scene took some time out to do a few public relations exercises with Shirley, the leader of the Job-centre plus team.
There are now some more jobs coming in for the building industry trade, but only for work at the Jobcentre Plus Parliament St branch.
5 thoughts on “Riot at Nottingham’s Parliament Street Jobcentre Plus”
Wonderfully insane stuff!
Oche bejasus… no I don’t know how to spell that… er… flipping ‘eck thanks mate!
This was scary for a minute but with these guys on the job, I felt much more secure that everything would be taken care of.
Oh yes Marissa.
Mr Steedenski, Gazza and Danny are the lads for this job. Yer now yer stuff gal.
LOL that was awesome! <3