* The ability to lose things, animal, material and imaginary!
* The ability to get the wrong end of the stick!
* The ability to avoid winning any raffles, games, lotteries, hearts, or even coming as high as second!
* The ability to lodge oneself up the noses of all around me!
* The ability to be the only one out of 16 lads walking down the promenade at 0600hrs in the morning, who gets bitten by the lone wandering mongrel dog that attacked just me!
* The ability to be injured and immobile, and still fall off of the hospital trolley!
* The ability to fall asleep on the bus and wake up at the local Bus Station depot, unsure of who got the bigger shock, him or the poor bus cleaner!
* The ability to get peoples names wrong, and/or forget peoples names on a regular basis!
* The ability to misplace hearing aids, spectacles, remote controls, memory sticks, camera, pens, and spoons!
* The ability to end up with odd socks at the launderette!
* The ability to take my 8 morning medications at night, and your 6 evening medications in the morning!
* The ability to go into a room, and forget more often than not what I went into that room for!
* The ability to ring the wrong number on the telephone!
* The ability to be completely ignored at Bank queues, Business office queues, Job Centre queues, Hospital queues, Shop counter queues, Inquiry desk queues, Café queues, and the general public when I collapse on the street!
* The ability to lose total and absolute control of all and any emissions of wind from my various orifices.!
* The ability to scare people horrendously when I smile and say ‘Good Morning’ to them!
* The ability to lipread wrongly!
* The ability to get on the wrong bus!
* The ability to bleed unexpectedly at regular intervals!
* The ability to get knocked into by pavement Cyclists and mobility scooter drivers!
* The ability to maintain my life of sorts, despite my lak of education, constant failings and depressions!
* The ability to tell the truth – this will get you nowhere, I know, it just confuses the bosses and politicians!
* The ability to want to help others – a futile quality!
* The ability to eat however much one puts on the plate!
* The ability to almost see my feet looking down passed your ever expanding bouncy belly!
* The ability to walk past a Barbers shop without noticing his prices!
* The ability to remember things from years ago, but not ten minutes ago!
* The ability to forget things that happened an hour ago!
* The ability to still enjoy using carbolic soap!
* The ability to realise that the adage ‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ is valid!
* The ability to realise that ‘Old age people are measured as an economic liability and a social burden!
* The ability to realise that ‘Old age is a mental attitude as well as a physical problem’!
* The ability to become a sociopath, and enjoy it!
* The ability to realise that: When you live by yourself, all of your annoying habits are suddenly gone.
* The ability to understand what W Somerset Maugham meant by ‘An unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones’
* The ability to accept and dwell in ones missed opportunities!
* The ability to fall asleep, or forget about saucepans heating food on the stove, and let them burn beyond salvation!
* The ability to erect an Ikea clothes-rack and have the first person to see it completed compliment him on his new piece of Andy Warhol art!
Woke and lay there thinking of the dreams I’d had: I was driving around the countryside at night in a great luxury car, A BMW type, and dropping folk off and picking some up. It was foggy and dank. I had the feeling that the people I was taking and picking up were happy? – Later in a totally different scenario I was stuck in a spiders web, but not concerned at all as the beast approached and wrapped me up and hung me up? – I found a scribbled note on me book about Back at college doing Grocers Institute course, but can’t remember owt about it like?
Forced missen to get up, boy was I still tired.
Soon found ‘Little Inchy’ had been and was Bleeding, so I went t’bathroom the corticosteroid cream is getting low now. Not easy stopping the leakage this morning but I eventually managed it. WC’d.
Made cuppa and took me medications.
Found wrist alarm and hearing aids where I expected to (Not bragging like… well, yes I am). Made sure I’d got all I needed in me bag and jacket: Solicitors letters to show Jane and Pete as I collect the house-deeds later on me visit to fuss Fooey the cat, camera, nibbles for Jane and Pete, mobile phone in pocket, bus-pass.
Did some Facebooking and finished yesterdays Diary.
Time to do some graphicalisationing before I have to get missen cleaned up ready for me trip to the Mansion.
All prepared I went down and waited in the reception area at the entrance for a few minutes due to the weather being cold outside.
♫ Baby it’s cold outside,
(I really can’t stay) But, baby, it’s cold outside
(I’ve got to go away) But, baby, it’s cold outside
(This evening has been) Been hoping that you’d drop in
(So very nice) I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice
(My mother will start to worry) Beautiful, what’s your hurry
(My father will be pacing the floor) Listen to the fireplace roar
(So really I’d better scurry) Beautiful, please don’t hurry
(Well, maybe just half a drink more) Put some records on while I pour
(The neighbours might think) Baby, it’s bad out there
(Say what’s in this drink) No cabs to be had out there
(I wish I knew how) Your eyes are like starlight now
(To break this spell) I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell
(I ought to say no, no, no, sir) Mind if I move in closer… ♫
Sorry, got carried away again… Tsk!
Had a chin-wag with some other tenants as we waited, then moved out and I got the bus into town.
Slipped the pigeons some seeds as I walked to the bus-stop and caught the bus out to West Bridgford. I was soon at Jane & Pete’s palace. Jane was cleaning the porch-way windows and floor, so got me to step over onto the mat… nearly had a Whoopsiedangleplop!
I gave them their nibbles and pressies, half expected birthday surprise back from them but nothing matured.
Pete produced some old blown-up Ordnance Survey maps of old Nottingham and we had an interesting chat over them.
After Jane and Pete finished their er… discussion on where Cromwell Street was on the map – Jane won 3-2, we looked at another two maps Pete had.
It was fascinating looking at how it was in 1865.
Whoever drew them to scale must have been a genius without all the od cons not being available.
A squirrel appeared on the there bird table and I used me new camera to take some shots of it.
Very pleased with the results I must say.
Took some photo’s of Fooey. They came out with Red-eye, so I’ll me interested in seeing how they come out after treatment on the Corelpaint proggy later, never tried red eye removal before.
Then Jane set to kindly explaining my faults to me:
I don’t listen to what people say! Difficult when she and Pete are talking at the same time with the TV on in the background – but I dare not say owt like…
I don’t eat properly. How does she know when she hasn’t been to see me for two years? – but I dare not say owt like…
I’m too trusting! – Guilty!
I can’t expect to make friends if I don’t go out socialising! I can’t afford to yet – but I dare not say owt like…
I’ll never get anywhere to live if I don’t pull me socks up! I haven’t told her yet that I have moved – but I dare not say owt like…
My glasses aren’t clean enough – Guilty! – but I dare not say owt like…
There were many more, but I don’t have enough band-width to list em all – Hehe.
Pete thanked me for the painkillers I gave him for his toothache… no, come think of it he didn’t. He was in a grumpy mood, the pain I suppose, so I forgave him.
I made an excuse after two hours and left to catch the bus back into town.
Had some time to kill so called in the pound Shop and got some bread. Then down into town where, parked in the exact spot I parked in years ago when i was working in security and on an alarm response activation and got a parking ticket for me efforts – was the Lord Mayors Jaguar – but it didn’t bother me after all these years, oh no indeed.
I had a walk up Clinton Street, so much busier than yesterday.
Unfortunately I walked past Jessops and forgot about going in about the camera – Flogglecocks!
I put it down to me attention being taken away by the young lady with the gorgeous chunky legs on display in the photo like.
To the bus stop to find I’d missed the L9 – these gals showing their legs cause all sorts of problems don’t they? Tsk!
So I got on an Arnold bus and dropped off in Sherwood, crossed the road and walking up to see when the next L8 from there was, it arrived and drove passed the bus-stop while I was ten foot away. Hey-ho.
Carried on up the hill and had another walk through Woodthorpe Park back to the flats – the tootsies were aching a bit when I got in.
First thing WC’d, then made a nosh and watched some television – Yes… I can now I’ve got me headphones sorted. (He says smugly)
Washed the pots and cleared up and got on with downloading the photographs I took of Fooey at the Mansion while being rollocked by Jane.
I was mildly chuffed when I got them done. The first one above had bad Red-eye, first effort didn’t clear it all, second perfick! Cropped it too.
I got Jane to give hold him while I fussed him. I’d have got down to cuddle hie bit last time i couldn’t get up again! Tsk! Got rid of Red-eye.
Last one, I mirrored it horozntally and added a spotlight onto Fooey’s head and face.
Not happy with this one though. In’t he great?
Bless him. So much character for very senior cat.
Cuppa and took me medications.
Updated this diary then got into doing some Facebooking at last, despite it being a little late.
Got the headphones onto the TV and sat down to watch two episodes of ‘New Tricks’ Fell asleep…
Boy I must have been so tired yesterday – I slept for over ten hours!
Woke up with bits of me dreams in my mind, but couldn’t find me pen to note them down before they’d drifted into the ether – even the notepad had disappeared, maybe I ate them during the night? Humph!
As I tackled getting up off the floor and me quilt, many of me ailments reminded me they were still there:
The skin cancer wound, I think that was because I’d spent so long laying on it like. Anne Gyna letting me know it’s going to be a painful struggling day in her usual stabbing fashion – Arthur Itis not keen on me moving at all – Duodenal Ulcer telling me not to eat any of the wrong foods today, or else! – The haemorrhoids leaking blood, and the reflux valve in no doubts about it’s intentions to make me suffer today! But sod em all, I’m going out later to have a look for some luxury fodder and a walk around town with me camera! There, take that! Hehe!.
After a painful porcelain visit I made a cuppa and took me morning medications. Laptop on and finished yesterdays diary off, started this one and did a graphic to use later.
It still surprises me how I can be here in pain and yet singing away to myself? Bonkers perhaps? Silly question, I knew the answer to that before I thought it. Haha!
Found me wrist-alarm and hearing-aids alright. (Bragging again here you notice?)
I’m looking forward to seeing Fooey tomorrow when I go to see Jane and Pete. Who incidentally have opened my house deeds and read through them. I’ve had them for around 46 years, unopened ready for the day I can move for me to read first. I have no idea why I felt a bit hurt when I found they had opened and read them through? I might be reverting to me childhood here?
Took me midday medications a tad early – mainly due to me accepting the time on the wall clock (That lies on the floor) as correct, before realising the battery had died.
Took the rubbish bags to the refuge chute then got missen spit and polished and ready to catch the bus to Nottingham. I was going to see if I could get extension cables for the headphones and USB multi thingy fer the computer.
Brolly in me bag, bus-pass in me pocket and hope in me heart, forward I went in search of the meaning of life and blackcurrant flavoured lollies… I lost it there, sorry. I’m back now…
Had a chin-wag with some other tenants and set-off on the bus into town.
The sky looked threatening this morning. But wonderful all the same.
Took a photograph about half way to town.
As we were almost at the stop in town, the bus stopped in a queue of traffic and I took a sad photographicalistion of the buildings…
And the amazing lack of peoples.
Wandered down to Maplins and got me things for the computer and headphones.
Walked to Jessops and got some advice on me camera.
Even Clinton Street was not busy today – very odd I thought.
Hobbled along Upper Parliament Street and onto King Street to catch the L9 bus at the top bus-top near the Post office.
Took a photo showing the Council House and ‘Little John’s’ bell tower against the skyline. (On the right)
I waited for the five minutes before the L9 electric powered bus arrived and I boarded it, again not many folk there on the bus either?
As I sat there I looked up across the road and spotted the gargoyle like statues at the top of the walling.
They were rather pretty I thought, and tried to imagine how someone got the erected so high up there all those years ago.
Zooming closer I saw some of the brickwork had parted – hope they don’t collapse.
We moved off and on the way to Sherwood.
When the bus stopped at the pedestrian crossing, I noticed that even the Pawn-Broker, Money Loan and We buy Gold shops had no customers in them, and they usually have some in whenever I pass normally.
Got back to Woodthorpe Court and visited the porcelain.
Got some nosh on, and connected me extension cable to the headphones and tried them to see if they worked. They were okay.
Got me nosh served up and digested.
Lettuce, fish in batter, chips, garden peas, beetroot, chicken bits and fresh apple, with some bread thins.
Followed by a lemon mousse and iced lolly.
Laptop on and updated this twaddle.
Did some Facebooking and graphicationalisationing for later.
Got washing ready and took it down and started washing machine, one of the two washers was free, one of the driers was free – then a git tenant came and put her stuff in the one free drier. Naughty selfish girl! She didn’t need the washer just the drier, and it says clearly on the notice if you are only drying clothes do use machine if both washers are in use! Tsk! Humph! Huh!
I came back up to the flat did a bit of sorting of one of the dozens of carrier bags to do. Got me crossword book and returned to the reception area to pretend to anyone passing that I can do crosswords, while the washer washed. Hehe!
Went back down and moved the stuff into the drier when it finished.
Had a walk through Woodthorpe Park into Sherwood, to get a Beetroot and Apple Bloomer to take for Jane and Pete in the morning.
Interesting little walk it wer:
When I got to the top of the hill and turned down the footpath towards Mansfield Road there was only one person on the path apart from me like it just had to be another Nottingham Pavement Cyclist!
Got me loaf me loaf for Jane just as two fire engines and three police care sped towards the town.
Got back on the footpath through the park and a motorbility-mug nearly had me as he came from behind so close it made me jump. Tsk!
Then when I got higher up another Pavement Cyclist took me attention away from a man’s dog that tool an unnatural interest in me groin area!
Walking down the gravel path on the hill to the flats, I just avoided a Whoopsiedangleplop as I slid on some wet leaves.
However, I did get back safely to the flats, took me washing out of the drier and up to the twelfth floor and home. I think that’s the first time I’ve called the flat home? Things must be improving a bit eh?
I looked at the paperwork from when I bought me last camera and it said if I apply before 7 Sept to Panasonic, I can claim £60 back! Well thought I, I’ll give than a go.
So I put away my togs and got onto it…
Two hours later I worked out how to apply and found the correct page to do it on and when I filled in the application form, I got this message on the left.
Confusing innit? Jessops tell me I’ve got until 7th Sept and the Panasonic site tells me I have to wait 28 days after registration is completed – so I registered. Ain’t life difficult? I’ll call in Jessops tomorrow and ask them what’s what.
I’ll take this camera with me just in case owt crops up that might be suitable for the Bird & Flower Facebook site that I can try to take a piccy of. This camera is Zx30, the other one is Zx5. Whatever that means like. I’ll take the opportunity to ask them how I can get the date back on correctly, cause I got it wrong first time I tried. Huh!
I tooked a photo of the skyline from the kitchen window on the newer camera.
Took me medications with a cuppa, very late though – Huh!
Must clear-up and get me head down now – don’t want to miss the first bus in the morning when I go to Jessops and then to see Fooey, & Jane and Pete now I have their permission to visit.
I’m starting this diary off from yesterday at 2100hrs – due to me getting confused as to what time it was, thinking it was morning when it was evening and what day it was… if yer see worra mean.
Started this diary, then did some Facebooking and checked emails.
Got a wash and shave, then the Morrison’s order came – the driver didn’t leave any paperwork with the nosh?
Rang Steve UK as he told me to about the keys for the old place – No answer… Well fancy that!.
Had a cuppa and took me medications rather late in the day but still, better late than never.
Now I’ve got to wait for Steve from Age UK to ring back, and keep trying to ring him. Can’t make plans for going about me hearing aids.
I rang Jane and Pete about fetching me Deeds for the house but they couldn’t tell me when I could go to collect them as Pete had to go to the dentist.
No answer from Steve Age UK.
Popped into the WC taking me phone with me in case Steve from Age UK rang (Faith that was!).
A knock came on the door – struggled to get missen decent and hobbled t’door – it was the lady I was speaking to yesterday from the floor below – she’d spotted a hearing-aid on the table in reception and thought it might be mine!
Hopes lifted we went down and it was the one I’d lost! Yahoo!
Thank heavens someone found it and the lady informed me!
When I got back in hunger pangs gripped me, and I put some chips on t’oven and had two of them Polish hot dog like things. I rang Steve (The invisible man) of Age UK and forgot to take a photo of me nosh, but was still well and truly over-the-moon with finding the hearing aid.
Ate it up and cleaned the kitchen up a bit, then had a search… a long unfruitful search for me Audio Record Book.
Made a cuppa and took me midday medications.
Watched two episodes of New Tricks while waiting foolishly for Steve (The invisible man and Councillor) of Age UK to get in touch as he said he would last Friday. Humph!
Did some graphicalisationing.
Still no answer from Steve Age UK. “Ring me and I’ll come and collect the keys and get started sorting out selling your house for sale…” said Steve of Age UK last Friday.
Well I did call him Tuesday (Today like), 5 times before 1100hrs leaving voice messages – then Text him – Then tried on the other phone twice, left messages, then text him on the other phone and tried fruitlessly to ring him yet again… twice more. It is now 1345hrs and I’m well miffed, after getting me hopes up with foolishly believing him again! I think I’ll have a sign made for me forehead: “Please Con Here”.
I can certainly recommend any older person with problems and no help to contact Nottingham Age UK to try to get a Councillor to assist them… if they are sadists and mugs that is.
Can’t concentrate on doing owt else at the moment. Need to know where and when I can get the keys to Steve so he can start moving with the house selling.
Wanted to get to do some things in town as well, but the unknowing and lack of control of events is so frustrating!
Aye up… Steve from Age UK rang… I take it all back… He going to call in tonight to collect the keys on his way home to enable him to get a Charity charity van to pick up owt they’d like, then house clearers. And I hope get the house on the market sharpish!
Cheers up a tad now, currently singing away to missen a mix of the mobile phone ring tone and Adam Faiths, ‘We are in Love”, with intermittent bits of Dean Martin’s old stuff.
I went down to the Winwood Community shed with the mail for Margaret the last tenant, and handed Deana Walker and Obergruppenfurher Julie a choice of nibbles.
Got back to the graphics with a renewed jest.
Fell asleep and woke up with Steve ringing the intercom.
Gave him the house key and had a little chin-wag.
He showed me some of the functions of the TV remote thingy, then shot off cause he was on his way home and had frozen foods in the boot of his car.
I put kettle on and made a cuppa and took me evening medications.
Laptop on and updated this scintillating bit of rubbish.
Comment from Angie mentioning her itch on her back and how she struggles to get to it to relieve it.
I told her about me shoe-horn that I bought last week at Ikea and how I now utilise it as a back-scratcher.
Perhaps she could employ me as an official Angel-Back-scratcher and I could move over to the States? Just a thought like.
Did some graphicalisationing for the TFZ page.
Lyzzi and Thomas in this one, with a few TFZers pets thrown in. Hope they like it. Two new pets included that I didn’t have photographs of to use in the past.
The now becoming famous early evening tiredness dawned again on me.
I got down and conceded to the land of nods calling.
