22:50hrs: I broke back into the real world, accompanied by DD (Duodenal Donald) and AG (Anne Gyner), both giving me as much hassle as they have ever done. (Bless ’em!) Swiftly being joined by the gut-aches, rumbling, grumbling and, I expect, preparing the path, brewing up for a Porcelain visit.
At least I was feeling a little more with-it, mentally, than yesterday. I knew that my beloved, beautiful, blood-vampire nurse, Hristina was due to call on me. She is always very busy nowadays, but her visiting, even if only for a few minutes, is better than any medicine.
As I extracted my ponderously-gross, wobbly-bellied body from the c1968 recliner, caught my balance, grabbed Metal Mickey, and moved my plum-shaped torso towards the amazingly little-used EOGPB (Essential-Overnight-Grey-Plastic-Bucket), the left wrist started to itch. As is usual, I gave it a good scratching. Hello, more blotches and papules coming up?
As I was about to pick up the bucket – the innards rumblings increased, and I took immediate action, and I made for the wet room. Getting to the Porcelain Throne, almost tearing the jammie-bottoms, and actually tearing the PPs, as I desperately got down just in time, and the evacuation started! It hurt, but it always does nowadays, but far less than yesterday. But messy it certainly was! Back to the khaki-coloured torpedo style, leaving bits floating that looked like overcooked brown kale. Minimal bleeding, though – but maximum cleaning up needed. However, I was glad I’d got that over with, I can tell yer!
All sorted, washed and medicated, and back to the front room, and I got on with the Health Checks. At this stage, I wondered what was going to go wrong this morning, after the last few days record of Accifauxpas and Whoopsiedangleplops!
But, my determination to stop being a victim stopped me! The BP result for the SYS was 167, which was in line with the previous two ones. I put the figures into Google to see how they faired. I got this: “Normal pressure is 120/80 or lower. Your blood pressure is considered to be high (stage 1) if it reads 140/90. Stage 2 high blood pressure is 160/100 or higher. If you get a blood pressure reading of 180/110 or higher more than once, seek medical treatment right away.” I see!
I then took the body temperature on the new thermometer. The 36.6° c result is fair enough, I reckon.
I took the morning medications, remembering to take the Furosemide tablet and the Dioctyl® Capsule with the regular ones.
No tea this morning yet – It’s True! I had the spring water to take the tablets and took the odd guzzle from spring water, and cordial I made up.
The innards seemed to be settling, but Anne Gyna was rampantly stinging away, still.
I got Computer Katie on, and uploaded the photos and stored them in the appropriate files, and WordPress.
Then made a start on this blog as far as here, next I updated yesterdays post and got it sent off. I emailed the link. Pinterested some snaps. Caught up with the Facebooking, then went on the WordPress Reader section.
Then I got some breakfast. The last of the Batchelor’s noodles, but well altered and seasoned. Made and added some gravy, balsamic vinegar, and the last of the few Foul Beans. And my first jolly-strong brew of Glengettie tea, and carried out the morning dining, (not even 06:00hrs yet).
While I was making a start on creating some graphics, well, one of them anyway. I realised that it was time now to get the Ablutions sorted out, for Hristina, my sweet Vampire nurse is coming. I wanted to make sure that in case she comes earlier than expected, like last week, she can avoid the horrendousness of seeing my rhinoceros-like body when I went out of the shower, again!
A smidge too early for me to have a shower with the noise it makes (07:20hrs) I don’t want to disturb anyone if I can help it. So, I had a stand-up jobbie, but I do miss having a shower, even though the risk of falls, dizzies or knocks are always present and likely to occur, in differing degrees every time I use the shower, nowadays.
It’s just my heroic outlook, bravery, bubbling personality, and a chance to view my muscled but lithe, masculine young body, you now… Oh, alright, forget it! Hahaha!
Stand-Up Ablutionalisationing Activities Report
The teeth cleaning was one of the betterer events of the session. Just a few dropsies.
The shaving only produced three nicks, but eight dropsies! No injuries were worthy of note.
I did get somewhat over-enthusiastic in cleaning the rear end – much bleeding and stinging from Harolds Haemorrhoids! A struggle to stop the blood flow, but I got it stemmed, nit without some discomfort and mess, in the end.
I can’t believe how stupid I am, yer know! I only went at cleaned Little Inchies fungal lesion, with the same idiotic ardour, and this time the blood flowed for a worryingly long-time, well, bled.
More of the Hydrocortisone (Steroid) Daktacort ointment was needed than ever before, to stop the tiniest of cracks (lesions) from bleeding!
However, on the brighter side, apart from looking like a carcass, the legs and feet were losing the new growths? The blister thing that came up very quickly yesterday had gone right down again? And the ulcer was even fainter?
Reading this about the ablutions as I checked, it and made countless corrections (of course!), it sounded worse than it was. Other than Little Inchies Fungal Lesion, maybe Harolds’s Haemorrhoids, it didn’t go too badly at all.
I got out of the wet room, leaving another clump of shoulder skin on the edge of the door-frame as I misjudged the width again, and said: “Oh, dear, ay-well it can’t be helped”. Well, maybe not those exact words… Humph!
I got some small waste bags made up, and as there was a chance that heart-fluttering Vampire Nurse Hristina might arrive soon, I put them in the box on the trolley to take to the chute later.
Then got on CorelDraw, determined to get some graphics done. Nicodemus, SSS and Shaking Shaun were all in a good mood with me! And by the time my sweet Angel arrived, I’d made two-day graphicalisations and a TFZer page header one!
I heard and recognised the voice calling, it was Hristina, my pulchritudinous, precious, bewitching, blood-taking, loin-girding, ‘Cheer-Me-Upperer’, and phlebotomists vampire nurse ♥. Someone had let her in the foyer door, and here she was. Happiness may only come for a few minutes each week, but this was those few minutes! And I wallowed in them! But it felt like seconds later, she was off to serve someone else… My momentary burst of happy contentment degenerated, deteriorated, dwindled and a mild depression relaced them! Dangnableisations!
I opted to try and cheer myself back up; and made a brew of Thompsons Punjana tea, and took some photographicalisation from the light & view-blocking kitchen window, that was obviously designed by a gerontophobia, or maybe person living with gerascophobia. I took a shot of below on Chestnut Drive; the car park looks well-full this lunchtime.
I turned my photographicalisationing attentions to the dank, yet still beautiful skies.
To the left, straight ahead and to the right. The layered cloud appearance was there still, but not so obvious with no sunshine to burst through.
I noticed, although somewhat late in the month, I admit, that my Nokia Ultra-mobile, with 512MB, £1,399 for 128GB storage, with its gargantuan, 6.9inch display screen, and the hole-punch camera, and ‘Space Zoom 100x ’mobile phone had not had the time changed yet. So I altered it. Ahem! But I took this photo and tried to get my head in the reflection for a laugh. Gawd, look at the pale death-like skin!
The bells rang out Dusty’s hit tune.
I got up and staggered to the door, to find that the Amazon automatic can-opener was on the floor outside the door. Aha, I thought, I can have tinned food without any problem now! Little did I know what farcicalisations lay ahead for me!
I got the parcel into the front room, and I was interested in trying to see how the thing worked, and if I could operate it with my disabilities.
These were claimed to be: Can Openers Electric, Hand Free Electric Can Opener, Restaurant Kitchen Can Opener, Ergonomic Design, Free of Manual Labour, for Senior Arthritis Home Gadget!
We’ll have a look and see then.
At least the instructions were readable. (Lies, but decipherable). I’d got the batteries in the machine, within an hour. I read and reread the instructions several times.
But would it work? No! No signs of life or activity.
Finding someone to help will be difficult, and I’m getting tired now after being up for over thirteen hours, so I’ll surrender, and give it a go again in the morning. I imagine it will be who’s all confused and is to blame. Hogwashville again?
I ferreted about and got a ring-pull opener can of Chilli-Con-Carni. No ring-pulls on the red beans, so I tried the new opener again, no luck.
Tried the old-new electric one, no luck either, dead as a do-do!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I tried the new one again, but nothing happened, I think that the batteries should be good, I only bought them last month?
I was really in a frantic state now, so I hunted around and found the old tin hand-opener. It was a real struggle, it only part opened the can. So an old knife was utilised, to free the red kidney beans from captivity, but it cost me two little cuts on the jagged edges of the can. They were that tiny, I was surprised they bled at all.
Still, I pressed on and got them in the saucepan with some boiled potatoes and the chilli. Then I added some Squid and balsamic vinegar, and made some gravy (Well Oxo), and gave it all a good stir and agitationalisationing. Hehe!
The landline burst into ringing and flashed. It was Sister Jane, that was nice! News that Pete was at the City Hospital having is radiation assessment, and they told him he was making OK – Music to the ears! We started to have a chinwag, but Jane had an incoming call from Pete came in and had to ring off. Or as HRM would say, Orf! Hahaha!
I got back to CorelDraw, still, I haven’t got the graphics done, it’s been a little busy today.
As I was listening to the comforting sound of someone banging about, the door chimes rang out.
It was an Amazon delivery. I knew what it was, the Pimms and lemonade drinkies, I intend to slip to Jenny, Doris and Frank. Also to callers, delivery people, medical staff etc. as a thank you treat, towards Christmas.
The first photo I took of it, I missed most of the box, the balance went, but I was so conveniently placed at the time, it was easy to steer my falling body into the swivel chair, bit of luck there!
All okay in a couple of minutes. And I took a photo of the Pimm’s canned treats. I must look up what Pimms are, they have a 5.09% content, whatever that means,
I nipped through to the kitchen to check on the Chilli-con-Carne, but now I have to get the Pimms sorted, so I turned off the heat, just my luck!
However, the food looked good!
Oh, flipping heck, the door-chimes rang again! It was Josie this time, bringing her Sunday dinner things back. She said she enjoyed the potatoes, very nice and cheesy! I told her that’s good. I like to hear I can get something right. Hehe!
Put the things away and got back to CorelDraw, not that my concentration was any good. So tied and unfocussed again.
As promised, by the gastroenterologist, proctologist, the supply of the inside the underpants pads had been delivered.
All three of them! In a Tena sample bag. Considering that I use, on average, nine PPs a week, these are not going to last long are they. But at least they are trying to help me.
I was beyond doing any graphics and decided to get the meal reheated, and get some rest and possibly even sleep.
Hahaha! As if! It was another (albeit unexpected) belated Amazon delivery.
I got the box inside; the delivery driver had long gone by the time I got to the door, I’m getting, like I do every day now, weary, slow-moving and slow-witted, and can only think of food and Sweet Morpheus.
I’d forgotten all about the shoes I’d returned. These are the replacements and look like the right size this time, but we’ll find out later, I’m too tired to muck about with them now, the meal and recliner await my attentions.
That is if the phone and door chimes let me!
Off to get the fodder sorted out, back in the morning, or evening.
I had a bit of fun setting out the CCC meal, using the potato letters. Hahaha!
A flavour-rating of 7.8/10 given.
No sooner had I done the washing and got down in the c1968 recliner, and got the TV on to watch a Kitchen Nightmare, the minute-long nodding-offs began. I found getting off amd staying asleep difficult, but manages it… Zzzz!