Nottingham Pensioner Injured Christmas Shopping

XS01A Nottingham Pensioner, Juan Inchcock (68) has been injured in the Victoria Shopping centre, whilst struggling to walk through (Though he had no money for any purchases so why he was there is a mystery) the shopping mall, amidst the packed early Christmas shopping crowds.

Not being so nimble on his feet, he was nervously limping his way through the milling crowd of mobile-phone, iPod using excited youngsters and women, Big Issue sellers, Hoodies, Skateboarders, Mobility scooters and a few hundred brawling, swearing, spitting threatening energetic kids, and some distracted, frustrated parents.

It seems he had earlier had his hat stolen from his head by youthful antisocial lads, then got knocked over by a Mobility Scooter.

At this point as he was trying to get his senses back just outside the Jessop’s store – a group of Albanian shoplifters being chased by CPOs ran out of the store knocking Juan down and over again just as he was getting up from the floor with the assistance of his walking stick.

03W03Shopping centre staff found Juan’s NHS Medical card and summoned medical assistance.

But none arrived.

As he lay there in the pooling blood one of his hearing aids fell out and as he gingerly stretched out to retrieve it his camera fell out of his pocket and it was nicked within seconds, and someone walking past rubbernecking stood on his walking stick breaking it in half and smashing his bottle of Ethyl alcohol.

He was particularly upset when the Big Issue seller stole his Age Concern carrier bag, because it had his Horlicks and midday medications in it.

In Mr Inchcock’s uneducated locally accrued words:

“It wur ‘ell for mi! Bloody Christmus, Bah Humbug to um all! I ‘ad tu fight through farsands on um, all spendin’ money un gerring fings for Christmus fer there families like.

At this point he scratched his back passage and commented “Bleedin’ piles are bleedin’ too” then continued;

“Wiv me Arfritis un dodgy ticka, I wus strugglin’ to get through um. Had two o’ me corns trod on, nearleh got knocked over twice, had me titfer nicked, got ran into by a mobility scoota, ‘ad one o’ mi Impetigo scabs knocked off… blood all over place, un NP04then just wen I fought I’d got frough t’ uffur end like, a shoplifter ran out o’ shop, chased by sum policemen, and they knocked me bag art o’ mi hand! Broke mi bloody heart it did, mi medicasiuns wer’ in there!”

Having lost the shoplifters the CPO’s returned to Juan: They summond assistance and arrested Mr Chambers for having open alcohol in a public place, and obstructing the police in the execution of their duty.

6 thoughts on “Nottingham Pensioner Injured Christmas Shopping

  1. Not a good day for shopping methinks – a Tuesday (not during half term obviously) would surely have been a better choice? As to mobility scooters I had a run in with an old bird ‘driving’ one just yesterday whilst we were visiting Ramsgate. It wasn’t an all belts and braces modern one yet there she was, fully encased is if expecting a storm – notwithstanding it being 20 degrees and a cloudless sky – driving at I estimate 15 perhaps 20 mph on a narrow pavement blind to all pedestrians. In taking evasive action I jumped – insofar as my knackered leg allows – into the road and was nearly taken out by the Margate bus. The driver called me a stupid c*** and the old cow in the mobility scooters drove on blissfully unaware that anything had happened! Such is life.

  2. Sometimes, you make me laugh. Sometimes you make my mouth water, like when the room starts spinning, your tongue arches at the back and your mouth is flooded with excess spit. Then you vomit violently. Sometimes you have that effect. Sometimes you make my own ailments seem pathetic. Sometimes I think your photos have been tampered with. Although, this could just be my overactive, conspiratorially fucked up, backward thinking mind. I could be wrong. You should ignore anything I say. Like I do. Sometimes…

    Good post. Also, I don’t believe that your first name is Juan. Unless, of course, your mother and father hail from Me-hee-co!!
    Aye yiky yikeey!!!

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