At one time I thought life was Roses and Beer rather than wine,

And thought IPA, cider and Mansfield beer was just fine,

But I didn’t know where to draw the line,

I had to stop, the decision was mine.

–

Four days in bed sweating the mattress soaking wet,

I thought I’d never finish shaking, soaked in sweat,

Nightmares invaded for Five days, I’d not given up yet,

No one came to see me for a tête-à-tête.

–

Drinking partners who I thought were a mate,

Memories of dominoes, darts, angling and pub outing date,

Even these memories begin to dilate,

I began to wander what would be my fate.

–

Financially I was better off, that was for sure,

But oh dear the loneliness I had to endure,

I became committed to work, but felt insecure,

Then got made redundant went on a job-seeking tour,

Now I found myself lonely unhappy and poor.

–

Agency work for long hours and a pittance in pay,

Got a permanent job in Security one day,

Not a good idea looking back I must say,

80 hours a week for less than the hourly minimum pay!

–

But it was interesting work, I got bit by a dog and shot in the leg,

Thrown in a canal and hit over the head with a beer keg,

Attacked and tied up one night, the bosses didn’t give a smeg,

Got made redundant there too, without a nest-egg!

–

Then the ailments came thick and fast,

Arthur Itis, sticking reflux valve but they weren’t the last,

With a Duodenal ulcer and haemorrhoids I was harassed,

Then the ticker needed a new valve and me leg a plaster-cast.

–

The hernia was bad, got it repaired, but it didn’t last long,

The pain from me Angina, and bleeding lesion on me dong,

Then me lady-friend emigrated to Hong Kong,

I needed to know, what had I done wrong?

–

I’ve tried to me sociable and nice to the Hoi Polloi,

Not to nit-pick, I’ve been rather shy and coy,

Treated folk fair whether girl or boy I’d offer joy,

Tried not to deflate others or destroy,

Although I admit I’ve not been an alter-boy,

Not been educated, can’t tell you the capital of Illinois,

Never had fashion sense, I once wore corduroy,

I have to admit to being a little hobbledehoy,

Could I do with a drink now boy?

That I would really enjoy!