Spring has Sprung


The words come from deep within Inchcock’s complicated, unfathomable incomprehensible to ordinary pensioners brain. The lies, innuendoes, the pathetic rhyming and grammar are his forte yer know!

Spring Has Sprunged

Early this morning I awoke and visited the bathroom to take a ting-a-ling,

As the Cystitis offered me, his usual persistent painful sting,

I realised it was the first day of Spring,

And, I started to formulate this linguistic string.


Ideas flooded my brain for all they were worth,

I had ideas of wit, compassion and mirth,

Was I going through a Spiritual rebirth?

No, it was Little Inchy, the bleeding was worse,

Suddenly I was no longer ready for the hearse!

I wanted to watch the daffodils as they battle through the earth.


My mood changed to one willing for acquiescing,

I no longer cared who is left or right wing,

I wanted to join in with the birds and sing,

So I did sing out, and here’s the thing,

The door bell began to ring,

T’was the neighbour, this message she did bring,

“Are you alright, I heard you braying?”

I thought you were ill, she was saying.


The phone came to life and I answered it quick,

It was my bank manager. Merciless Mick,

He explained my finances and gave me some verbal stick,

Afterwards, my mind was like the Sputnik,

I was lost, confused and feeling sick,

Then, I certainly didn’t feel in the least hegemonic,

My lack of enthusiasm for Spring turned chronic.


A long bath would no doubt make me feel better?

As I got in, the knee gave, but did it matter?

It went again getting out, on the sink my head did clatter,

Making a mess, as the blood did splatter,

I cleaned up the mess, on the head wound I put a plaster,

GC blue f03a

Tried putting Polyfiller on the cracked alabaster,

Ridding myself of depression, I could not master,

Had a feeling of gloom and impending disaster!


Couldn’t find my glasses or ear-drops,

Started this ode, thought it was a load of codswallops,

I no longer wanted to greet Spring from the rooftops,

Now I’m fed up with life and its Whoopsiedangleplops!

No Inchcocks were harmed in the production of this rubbish.

All injuries were received either before or afterwards.

Nottingham City Homes: Part Two: Repairs Guide for New Senior Citizens in Indepedendant Living flats

Nottingham City Homes Repairs: Part Two:


Guide for New Senior Citizens in Indepedendant Living flats


0001aaFellow Senior Citizens please be warned. If you have the annoying habit like what I do, that of wanting to clean your kitchen window outside and in; Here is what you will have to contend with. Especially if you live in Woodthorpe or Winchester Court in Sherwood Nottingham.

I recommend that the following are stocked up on prior to the life threatening procedure is attempted:

  • Antiseptic disinfectant and creams. (The Dettol disinfectant and the Savlon Cream are effective)
  • Elastoplast fabric and Waterproof dressing. Elastoplast is fairly good. (Although Asda own label is a lot cheaper)
  • TCP and or Brute After Save: (Both are effective at stopping the bleeding abrasions you’ll acquire whilst trying to turn and hold out the control button, conveniently located in the less than 2″ gap between the mechanism and the outer frame of the window) The Brute deodorant in spray form lasts longer and allows you remember the Henry Cooper ‘Slash it All Over’ made commercials on TV from 1970.
  • 0001abA pair of Long-pronged Pliers is another most essential requirement. Either from ScrewFix or preferably the Pound Shop. Both will break when you try to attach them to the plastic button to turn and hold out the button using one hand, as you will need the other Arthritic hand to turn the window around to access the rust, bits of paint and stale water as it flows out of the frame and spills all over the sill, floor, cooker and you!
  • A note you must write before beginning this suicidal cleaning session. Along with your Anticoagulation Alert Card. Your medical record card to inform the paramedics when they arrive of your ailments and medications Medicsyou’re on, like: 

    Warfarin 3mg (Variable according to weekly INR blood tests) 1½ to 3½ –

    Pentoxifylline Blood flow 1 mornings – 1 noon – 1 evenings.

    Paracetamol 500mg pain relief up to 8 a day as needed – Codeine Phosphate 30mg pain relief up – 2 mornings, 1 evening and more if required – Simvastatin 40mghigh cholesterol 1 at night – Omeprazole 2omg – Oesophagus, Duodenal ulcer and sticking reflux valve. 1 mornings – The Ramipril 12mg Angiotensin High blood pressure – 10mg –  1 daily – The Bisoprolol 2.5mg fumarate – Beater-blocker – Control for having mechanical Heart-Aorta valve replaced – 1 daily – Ear-spray for outer ear – as required up to three times a day – Pain Killing Gel 10% Ibuprofen Fenbid  – Up to four times a day as necessary. – GTN sublingual tablets Up to four a day no more; contain the active ingredient glyceryl trinitrate. Do not forget to mention your liquid medications

The Nottingham City homes coordinator will humanely mention your predicament to the repairs department, and when you get back from the hospital, week two weeks after getting back, you will receive a letter from them with an appointment for three weeks hence, for a specialist repair man to call and assess the situation.

He will arrive and set to work looking a the window. After a few err’s and Mmm’s, he will tell you he is condemning the whole window, and will arrange for a new one to replace it.

This will please you greatly.P1020888

A week later, you will receive another arrange appointment trough the post, for three week time.

Another man will arrive, look at the window, and tell you there is nothing wrong with it at all.

You will inform him of the rust and concrete along with the stale water that fell out of the window when you finally managed to get it to turn so you could clean the glass.

He says: Well if you got it turned what’s the problem then?

Your reply is: “The rust and concrete along with the stale water that fell out of the window when you finally managed to get it to turn so you could clean the glass, and I needed three stitches and extra Trental and Warfarin tablets for two weeks!”

He clicks his tongue, gives a loud Humph, offers you a well-practised sneer and leaves.

End of repairs then!

Part Three to follow: The Electric Fire and the Wall Heaters Fiasco!

Inchcock Today 19 March 2016: A Day In – then changed my mind. Huh!


Up at 0330hrs; To the bathroom and rubbing in Phorpain gel on my neck and right shoulder. The pain is so bad it’s now worrying me? Took the medications with an extra pain-killer. Thi seems to have taken over from all the other ailments, apart from Roger Reflux playing up as well. (I reckon Roger will see me off) But this whatever it is in the neck and shoulder must be mentioned to nurse on Monday’s INR blood test visit. Most annoyingly uncomfortable and persistent it is this morning.

Still having this urge to get on with the NCH Repair posts, though. I finished yesterday’s diary, started this one, then got Part One finished and published.

Did some Facebooking. Then some email checking.

By then it was 0645hrs and the shoulder was getting less painful I’m glad to say. A mystery as to why the neck and shoulder pains came on at all?

MarieEgyptDid a graphicalisation of TFZ Angel Marie, with her friends out for the night.

Naughty girls! Hehe!

Feeling a bit livelier now, I might get the personal ablutions done, and try to get out again?

Yes, I will; Got the bath running and togs ready. Managed to get into and out of the tub without any hiatus, didn’t cut myself shaving, no bleeding teeth when I brushed them; However, the shoulder and neck were somewhat tenellous.

I left the flat, then returned to collect my hearing aids. Left again and met a couple of tenants waiting for the bus, had a little natter with them. Then got on the City bus and read my book (Sniper on the Eastern Front) for the whole journey.


Dropped off on Upper Parliament Street, went into the pound shop to see if they had any bath salts – no luck there.

Then crossed the road and called at Boot’s in theVictoria Shopping Mall – No luck there either.

Walked to the other end and en route took some Bling photos for the TFZ girls. Then into Tesco and got some bits, including some Radox bath salts.

Out of the mall and up through Trinity Square,  found some interesting stuff to photo for the gals again in the second-hand jewelry shop.

Did a bit of hobbling around and window shopping. Sneaked the pigeons some fodder when I hoped no one was looking.

02bI got a decent photo of an Easter rabbit in a shop window too.

Then had a nasty dizzy spell. So I didn’t go to the Arboretum. Instead, I made my way to the bus stop and caught a 40 that drops me off on Winchester Hill (Providing I don’t fall asleep of course, Hehe).

I limped along to the bus stop near the Post Office, and nearly got myself knocked over as a barmy Burke on a bike belted passed me and caught my right elbow a wallop! Humph! Now that started the shoulder and neck off as well. Grrr!

I took a photograph, from the 40 bus terminus of the Council house.02c

This shows how dank and murky the weather had turned.

Got the book out, but the bus driver must have been a fan or participant in stock car racing or Demolition Derby driving, cause he was a bit crude and wasn’t showing much interest in slowing down for the speed humps or corners.

This meant the ride was painful and uncomfortable.


I was lucky when I dropped off on the bend in the hill, no traffic in sight either way, so I didn’t have to rush across the road.

Got in the flat, finding a letter had been delivered – from the bank. Got to stop spending so many pounds methinks.

02dI put away the purchases of the day. Noticing to my utter and flabberghasted mind, that there on the tray was… well, I don’t like to say really.

But a pack of two Fresh Cream French Horns!

How they got into the basket when I was shopping, I just don’t know or understand at all! 01W04 … Whoops!

Then got the fodder prepared. Beef pie (A big one!) and roast vegetables with pan cooked green beans.

Updated this diary while they cooked.

Oh, I forgot to mention this, I called in Wilko and has a look at their slow cookers. There were two that I thought would fit on the counter in the kitchen, but both were too heavy for me to carry. Also, I need someone to come with me who understand all the functions and compare then between the two. One was 5 litre the other 3.5 litres. I’ll have to get some help on this one.

I checked the food cooking at the time estimated for completion, but it still needed a good while yet, as the vegetables were nowhere near cooked. Gave then another ten minutes then checked again.

No, not done, gave them a bit longer then?

P1050280Eventually, it came out not too bad.

I could only give it a rating of 7.2/10!

Some of the vegetables were okay, others were a tad underdone.

I’d overdone the green beans and the beetroots were like mini golf balls!

The pie was done to perfection.

I left some of the pastry, being as the pie was far too large really.

Lethargy, exhaustion and fatigue quickly overcame me, the ringing in the head returned and generally I collapsed into the 1959 damaged imitation leather arm chair and stayed there, moving only between the bathroom, to take the late medications, and when I caught one of the many painful bodily areas as I waited hours for sleep to overtake me. Humph!