Life is but a Daily Competition – A guide for those of you who are not yet senile

Forgive this little ditty; I know it’s not got class or erudition,

I know it’s a bit of an uneducated disquisition,

So this is the position of my exposition.

Entitled: Life is but a Daily Competition

Slab riots

The fight to extract my mass from the chair each morning,

The £300 second-hand recliner, it dangerous take-warning,

It’s a bit of a gamble, will be dead or functioning,

Will I get out in time for my ablutionising?

Usually not, so follows medicationalising and sanitising!

Take the tablets, do the medical checks too,

Important this, when one’s decrepit and seventy-two,

BP, temperature, pulse, just a few you have to do,

Creams, lotions, pain gel and new aches for you,

Hospital, doctors, clinic and chiropodist appointment due?

Check what day it is, or you won’t have a clue!

There’ll be plenty of things for you to misconstrue,

Things to forget, not remember, it makes you feel blue,

Getting things wrong is easy like you’re on Autocue,

Leave the tap running, heater or lights, there’s more than a few!

From decision making, you will find you eschew,

The red Gas Bill demand will be overdue,

What day and time is your next health assessment interview?

Singing to yourself, ‘Jealousy’ and  ‘A Boy named Sue’,

Knowing the words surprises you,

But you won’t remember, what’s needed next to do,

The name of your neighbour or grandnephew,

The number bus you need or when it is due,

Or, where you put the letter from the Inland Revenue.


Try to find your hearing aids, pen or glasses, but you cannot,

Get people’s names wrong and feel a right clot,

Forgetting where you were going, you’ll do that a lot,

Or getting there, no idea why and lose the plot,

Dropping things all the time like the teapot,

Bottles, coins, medicines and anything hot,

Arriving at the surgery, and wondering for what?

Repeatedly telling folks the same thing like a parrot,

Most of what you utter will be complete tommyrot.


Falling asleep anywhere or time without any fuss,

Often in a waiting room or on the bus,

Waking up at the depot, feeling ridiculous,

You’ll find your hands and fingers less dexterous,

Delicate parts of your body become fugacious,

Redundant, saggy and then none exitatious,

You’ll lose the urge to be flirtatious,

But gain the urge, to be grumpy and vexatious!


2 thoughts on “Life is but a Daily Competition – A guide for those of you who are not yet senile

  1. A merry-go-round of magnificent fun making mishaps, misfortunes, miseries, messes, and mischances await you, Marissa.
    Being a Supermom, Music legend and celeberrimous humorist, you will cope with it magnificently!
    But, do try to avoid Mr Steedenski and alcoholic poisoning, to avoid yourself missing the gay, contented, dipsomania ridden period on old age.
    Hehehe! TTFN

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