Inchcockski – Sunday 27th September 2020: Montezuma’s revenge, I shouldn’t eat Chilli-Con-Carne!

Fowl-Deeds at the TFZer Cool-It-Cabin? Hehe!

Sunday 27th September 2020

Norwegian: Søndag 27 September 2020

02:00hrs. : I stirred into a mock, semi-awake state of mind, and soon discovered that I needed a wee-wee. I could see the OGPEB (Overnight-Grey-Plastic-Emergency-Bucket) had not been used from where I lay, which was a bonus for me, cause I can now nip to the wet room, without having to take the pale to be cleaned and sanitised with me. As I rolled sideways to remove my preponderantly, over-bulky-stomached body from the £300, second-hand, c1968, nauseatingly-beige coloured recliner. Suddenly, there no time to even catch my balance now, I could sense the PMAD Pre-Micturition Dribble, was doing its best to escape, so a hasty-hobble to the wet room was made.

I got in the room, dropped the PPs, and thought I was going to let rip a torrential, intense blast of wee-wee into the bowl. But, no! A weak sprinkling for a few seconds and that was it? This felt all wrong. Hey-ho! I washed the hands slowly, just in case any after-leaking started, there was no more.

As I made my way to the kitchenette, I noticed than many of the regular ailments were more noticeable by their absence, this morning, up to now, anyway! Arthur Itis, SSS, (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley) and Anne Gyna to start with! But the oddity of the pathetic wee-wee, tells me something is brewing from the innards. A twinge here and there from the bowels! So I didn’t adopt any Smug-Mode!

I’d put the *Nokia camera on a charge, so I took a photo from the kitchen window with the complicated top learn Kodak camera. *Ah, just noticed, this, I meant, Nikon camera! I used the Night setting. It’s even worse than the Nikon and Canon at night shots! Tsk!

I was about to make a start on doing the Health checks – and the bladder tried to release its load straight away! A panic flap, and rush to the wet room, hitting my right shoulder en route, Argh!, but got there with seconds to spare (Just). I was fortunate in making it in time – wet, sloppy yet so quick and painful. I pinned the blame on myself, for having the Chilli-con-carne for my nosh, last night! Mind you, Tim Price told me a good chilli would clear me out – he was right!

Cleaning myself took long enough, but the splashed all over the bowl mess, took ages as well! 

But at least only one flush was required… I can tell, there will be more visits during the day.

Back to the kitchen, and got on with Health Checks. The sphygmomanometerisationing results were a bit scary! I think I’ve used the wrong photo here? I thought the SYS was at 167 on the machine?

Then the stick thermometer gave me a really low reading, then? Am I perhaps on my last legs here? Ready for the Great Leader above to call me to his side?  Not that this would be a problem, I’ve a few questions I’d like to ask him about.

Made a brew Thompsons Punjana, and another dash to the Porcelain Throne (2)! A repeat performance again. I got a feeling of deja vu! Although the evacuation was of a tad smaller in volume, still wet and splashy, mind. The cleaning up took a lot longer this time, for some reason.

The personal cleaning was awfully painful, Harold’s Haemorrhoids were almost screaming out loud! Hehehe! The innards were beginning to stab at me a bit, I think there are still some actions to come.

Made a brew of Glenbgettie Gold tea, and had to rush back to the Porcelain-Throne again (3)! Oh, dearie me! The last of the ‘good’ toilet paper has now been used-up! I’m onto the thin cheap crap from Amazon now. Resulting in an even bigger mess to clean up tan last time. The same type of evacuation, but so much less and even quicker job. Still hurt though! Tsk!

The tea had gone cold, so made another drink of Thompsons Punjana, this time. Then I got Computer Cameron going. Going for another wee-wee, I noticed the Humidity & Temperature monitor, both were within the guidelines.

I used the Kodak, and it produced a nothing-it-looked-like, to the eye, photo of my right foot! As I didn’t see any shaded areas as I reviewed the shot through the eye-lens, everything looked bright and clear. Klunglefrazzles! I think the auto flash on the Kodak made the feet look worse than they were.

I updated yesterday’s blog, not much left that needed doing. Made a drink of Glengettie, had a wee-wee and Pinterested some pictures.

Then, I had to visit the Porcelain Throne (4th) again, and it required some swift, dextrous moves on my behalf, to get there in time before the onslaught of an evacuation started! I’m getting worn-out with these visits, and all the sanitising and cleaning up that accompany each one! Schluberdubersnarl!

Got the updating finished and sent off. Then onto Facebooking catch-up, that took a long time. On the WordPress Reader, some great stuff on there today. Comments, and Winwood Heights Facebook page. Got a template made for the blog. Then went to make a brew…

Then, I had to revisit the Porcelain Throne, the 5th one of the day! At last, there were indications that the attack was easing, far less content this time, but it was messier than ever, and Harold’s Haemorrhoids were suffering something rotten! Got the place and myself cleaned up again.

Back to the computer, and spent a couple of hours sorting out the graphics on CorelDraw. I’m not sure if its the programme, the computer, or me; but things keep moving from one folder to another in just one file? Probably me!

Now, weak and weary and weak, I decided to get the Ablutions done, it felt like they were really needed! Well, they were required, a damned good freshening shower and the loofa and glove will be well used! Then, guess what?

Yes, back on the Porcelain Throne (6th time this morning). Still messy, but less content methinks. I had a good clean up, as the tummy still rumbled. I suppose the problem arose from my having the Chilli-Con-Carne last night. I wondered why I’d not had any for months, I remember why now. Hahaha! I’ll check the cupboard later, and dish any cans of chilli that I find. Tsk!

I utilised the lemon-fresh air-spray and set about the ablutionisationing.

  • Doing the teeth, I found another split in a tooth, that’s four teggies with problems now, they’re not many left, either. Toothache Terence played up, of course. Three dropsies.
  • Great shaving session, only one small cut, and just two dropsies!
  • The showering went without dropping the showerhead – mind you there were four other dropsies. The worst, being the little-slim last bar of carbolic soap, it shattered into tiny pieces? Can’t get anymore now. So I used the lemon bar, not that I can smell any lemon in it! Humph!
  • Just the one knock against the grab bar as I retrieved the loofa from the deck. And it didn’t set SSS off either. I think the brain-pain department is worried more over the bout of the Chilli-prompted Diahorrea.
  • The medicationalisationing, as to be expected, was so painful. Well, the rear end was. The furuncle had been obliterated by the outcoming torrents from the bowels, I couldn’t even feel it this morning? Poor old Harold’s Haemorrhoids suffered the most, bleeding and stinging without any respite. Brunglebogles!

I got some hand-washing done in the kitchen sink. Used the dark-clothing liquid I got from the Bargain Shop in town. When I picked it up, I thought there must have been a leak, cause it’s the first time I’ve used the bottle, the seal seemed okay, but it was half-empty? Brunglebogs! Perhaps I can apportion blame to the mysterious wonders of Woodthorpe Court: The ghosts, hobgoblins, boll-weevils, aliens, gremlins, grotesqueries, urchins, karakia-cursing entities, hallucinations. Materialisations, poltergeist, lemures, wairuas, kehuas, manifestations that permeate, pass through the pores and interstices of space, through the time-continuum. Usually, without rupture or displacement within the building. To cause havoc, fear and frustration, as they dislodge time itself, in their aspirations and skulduggery, to complete their given by Satan mission; To destroy the sanity, confuse, and scare the hell out of Inchcock? Tsk!

I had a look at the latest figures for the Coronavirus in Nottingham. It as not looking so good. The 154 figure is for the last 7 days.

With stomach aching and grinding away, I started this blog going. But soon realised the time, and had to stop, as Josie’s Sunday lunch needed preparing, so I washed the hands well, dried them, and got on with it.

I was proud of this week’s cheesy potatoes, chives, Squid vinegar, Leicester Cheese, and a knob of Morrison’s best Brittany butter with sea-salt, all went into the mix. The fish in batter, garden peas, Surami sticks, tomatoes, Marmite cheese and beetroot finished off the plate. Added some chocolate bars and a can of pink gin and tonic on the tray. Made my way to Josie’s door with the feast.

On my way to her door, I suddenly felt a little poorly, weak, and oh, so tired. Josie mentioned that I looked rather qualmish. (I must look what that means later, Hehe!) She okayed the look of the meal, and we swapped hellos then farewells. I wanted to let her get the meal while the fish, garden peas and cheesy potatoes were still warm.

I took to the smell of the fish in-batter I’d served Josie. And I decided to have the same myself. Although it was early, I thought it an idea to get my nosh now, and refill the frequently-emptied innards, plus I was suddenly feeling so weary and tired, I knew there was a chance of my falling asleep the moment I got settled down. This was a good idea, for I sensed the body was telling me it needed to rest and recuperate.

I took the medications early and prepped my own nosh. Fish in batter, Surami, tomatoes, garden peas and the leftover cheesy potatoes from Josies. Two tiny tubs of mousse as well. To my own amazement, I ate the lot!

I washed the pots and settled down in the £300, second-hand, c1968, unstable, pukingly-beige-coloured, most-uncomfortable, no-longer working, heavy, yet tottery, rickety, rusty, rachitic, recliner.

That was it for me, the day was done. I spent about six hours, drifting-off to sleep and waking again! On the plus side, despite the rumbling from the innards, there were no more calls to the Porcelain Throne. I gave up trying to get and stay asleep and got up at 02:00hrs.

Montezuma’s revenge, the huckleberry two-steps, or dysentery, call it what you will, but worra terrible, testing, Trotski’s trying, torrential-teeming, Porcelain-Throne record attending, day!

4 thoughts on “Inchcockski – Sunday 27th September 2020: Montezuma’s revenge, I shouldn’t eat Chilli-Con-Carne!

  1. Your system gets better at handling the chili the more you eat. It’s really good for keeping your plumbing cleaned out. I put green chile on most everything I eat everyday. Keeps going smoothly. I broke a tooth a couple of weeks ago. I get a new crown on October 8th. The food you made for Josie and yourself look good.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ¡No más! I can’t go through this again, Tim! Three trips to the throne today, up till now. Hehe! But they are less severe each time, just messy now!
      I’m impressed with your dentist, sir. I’ve got to wait until November 5th for mine to see my holey-molars!
      Hope things go well Sir, TTFNski..

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dentists are restricted as to how many people they can see each day under COVID rulings. It only took two days after I broke the tooth to get in for a temporary crown. I could have done the permanent crown on Wednesday, but all their appointments conflicted with meetings and such, so we had to push it out to the 8th. There are a lot of dentists in town, and they don’t fall under Obama care. Since dentists have to compete in the free market they are much more responsive that other medical services. I just had my rheumatoid doctor cancel my appointment again this morning. That’s the 5th time since May. Now it’s rescheduled for November 3rd.

        Liked by 1 person

      • This sounds so familiar, Timothy. You seem to be coping better over there, than we are here, I’m pleased to see that.
        So many rearranged, delayed and cancelled appointments, gets a little confusing. Hoping I’ve kept up with them.
        Cheers, taketh care.

        Liked by 1 person

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