Agony Aunt for the ‘Lesser Endowed Gentlemen’s Weekly Gazette’
Dear Gertrude,
The constant voices in my head are forever chattering away, it’s driving me decidedly crazy.
I even questioned my own brilliance, cunning and competency last week. A rare lapse in my usual superlatively confident personality.
I prefer not to mention this to my Harley Street Doctor, as I hold a rather important position. Perhaps I am concerned because I got the job through skulduggery illegal and unethical means?
Luckily my only genuine competitor for the job, is unfit and far too lacking in spirit, ideas and gusto.
Perhaps I have lost a little edge though lack of genuine competition?
Although UKIP seem to be doing well and starting to cause me a slight cause for concern.
But my overseas investment and offshore accounts have increased exponentially due to the backhanders from my lodge member friends who I am slowly and stealthily selling off the NHS to. No problems there.
I would prefer it of you did not mention or reveal the contents of this letter.
If you can help me with my problem Gertrude, I can assure you of a liaison of a physical nature with any of the members of my cabinet, a handsome cash reward via their expense claims, and a new caravan in Chelsea.
Yours Unfaithfully:
The Right Honourable David William Donald Cameron
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
First Lord of the Treasury
Minister for the Civil Service
Leader of the Conservative Party
Member of Parliament for Witney
Descendant of King William IV
Raised in Peasemore, Berkshire by father Ian, a stockbroker, and mother Mary Fleur, a retired Justice of the Peace.
Eton College at the age of 13
First class degree in Philosophy, Politics & Economics (PPE) at Oxford
Brasenose College, Oxford, from which I graduated in 1988 with a first-class honours degree.
G.U.M. clinic appointment at the City Hospital today 1040hrs.
No blood from the ‘Inch’ at all but by gum (G.U.M.?) it was swollen sore and tender!
Made cuppa and took medications then did a bit of Internetting.
Had good scrub down and got read for me trip to City G.U.M. Hospital Clinic.
I called in the launderette on the way and told Big John and Mandie about me visit to the City Hospital preventing my doing me laundry, I’ll have to do it tomorrow if possible. Gave em a laugh yer know.
Caught bus to the clinic, walked in and saw the reception bloke and tool a seat in the ‘Mens Waiting Area’ after filling in a form that needed to know everything it seemed to me.
Started to read me book, but by the time I’d read a few pages, a young looking female doctor came and introduced herself. Then took me through to a little office for interrogation.
I gave her the letter from me Doctor and she perused it, then started with the questions about my sexuality, habits and history.
We then walked into a tiny treatment room, she told me to dropped em and sit on the bench awaiting her return. I did.
She put a light over me ‘Inch’ and got down to examine it – a smile curled onto her face for just a fleeting second, but she managed not to laugh bless her.
If it was so swollen with the infection and was its usual size I think she might have laughed though?
She was concerned about the swelling and fungal infection and asked questions about how I managed things. Without too much difficulty I answered.
She put a paper towel over me ‘Inch’ and left the room to consult with a colleague.
She returned.
They had decided to give me some Miconazole Steroid Nitrate (How much does it cost for the day-rate I thought hehehe) Hydrocortisone cream.
She departed and told me a nurse would come and give the cream and instructions to me.
I pulled up me trews and waited.
The nurse came in, very nice personality too, and told me to apply the cream morning and night after washing the ‘Inch’, and how much to use. The cream Brand name Daktacort must be kept in a fridge between applications. This was vital she said.
She said it should last for 2 weeks, but if things don’t begin to improve after a week I was to return to them.
“I bet that the sting and cold will wake me up in a morning? “I said to her: “Oh yes it will” she replied smiling.
I thanked her ad made me way to the bus-stop.
Dropped off in Carrington and nipped in and bought some ham and a tomatoe fer me tea/dinner/lunch/supper.
I got into the flea-pit without any signs of yobs.
Put the Daktacort cream in the fridge, and took some thins out of the fridge to defrost, and put a pack of seaweed in me bag ready for the morning to nibble at the launderette.
‘Inch’ is a bit tender at the moment, but not much bleeding.
Can’t half feel it when I walk cough or bend down?
Took medications and washed ‘Inchy’ – that was when the blood started to pour again. I got really worried it took ages to stop it and when I applied the Daktacort cream, it came again!
I rang Sister Jane to update her.
Several times I had to use the kitchen towels and this scared me for a while. Couldn’t or dare not go to sleep for hours as I had to keep cleaning myself up and hoping it would stop, which eventually it did. But I couldn’t settle and kept checking.
‘Inch’ is a bit tender at the moment, but not much bleeding.
Can’t half feel it when I cough?
Took medications and washed ‘Inchy’ – that was when the blood started to pour again. I got really worried it took ages to stop it and when I applied the Daktacort cream, it came again!
I rang Sister Jane to update her.
Several times I had to use the kitchen towels and this scared me for a while. Couldn’t or dare not go to sleep for hours as I had to keep cleaning myself up and hoping it would stop, which eventually it did. But I couldn’t settle and had to keep checking.
So, the little mite has new medical problems… Well fancy that!
Inchcock Today: Monday 13th October 2014
Up at 0415hrs tending the ‘Inch’ yet again.
I’ve got to go see Dr Vindla this morning for it to be checked along with me blood pressure. Must remember to tell her about it leaking so much again and the raw tender swelling.
Down and made a cuppa – bit worried about me not wanting to eat in a morning nowadays? Took medications.
Hurried me LOMM posts and got em posted in about three hours. I hope they are alright, what with me concentration not being too good at the moment.
Dank dark and drizzly outside this morning – a bit like inside really! Hehehe
Awaiting Asda delivery. Hope it isn’t late or I might miss me Doctors appointment. Supposed to be here twixt 0700 and 0900 hrs?
Asda arrived with five substitutions on me order. Never mind, but I’ll have to give the substitute for me deodorant spray to Dr Vindla or the nurses because it is for women and the scent is a bit sweet like.
Got myself sorted out latrine-wise, and set off to the surgery.
Heavy rain now.
Dr Vindla now concerned about me ‘Inch’ and told me to ring a number she gave for an appointment along with a letter, for the G.U.M. City Hospital Clinic. BP okay.
I’ll look up G.U.M. hang on a sec…
I’m back, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger, well…
Apparently G.U.M. stands for Genito-Urinary Medicine? Mmmm? Std? Not me, no chance surely?
Got back to the flea-pit and tried ringing them a few times but was put on hold every time with canned music, and a bloke telling me he is sorry to keep me waiting – please hold. Getting expensive this lark again.
I decided to go to the City hospital and take the letter and try to get an appointment in person. What’s the chances eh?
I think I can catch a bus from the City Hospital afterwards to the QMC Hospital straight through for my Warfarin level tests?
Ah well, out into the rain again…
I walked to the bus stop, arthritis in the knees not too bad this morning, but the ‘Inch’ is stinging somewhat and the hands are a bit bothersome with sticking and not wanting to do as I request of ‘em.
Well soaked in the rain, I boarded a bus and dropped off on Hucknall Road, and walked to the nearest of the five entrances to the site. Found a location site board and entered to have a gander at it to find the G.U.M. building.
The sign told me (It didn’t speak like, it was wot I read on it you understand like) I should be at entrance number 2 – so I walked back to look at the sign number at the entrance I’d just come through yer see.
It was number two, so I turned back to read the sign in more depth and blow me down – the first building on front of me was the one I wanted… is me luck changing I thought?
I wearily entered and approached the chappie on reception. I explained it all to him and he made me an appointment for tomorrow morning at 1030hrs bless him.
I ask him where I could catch the Medi-link bus and he told me. So I caught it to the Queens Medical Centre. Got some more of me Operation Sea Lion book read en route.
Took another photo of the front of the premises to try and catch a bird that was unknown to me… but it shot off too soon.
Went in and got me INR blood level checks done.
They were not too busy, so I told them me tale and gave em a laugh and had a little natter with em… oh and gave em there nibbles.
I enjoyed that and felt a lot better in myself when I departed their company with a wave and good wishes.
Trundled along the being mended road and caught a bus back to town.
Still raining a bit.
The bus was very full and I was lucky to get a seat thank heavens.
The bus passengers sounded a sickly bunch, so many of the poor devils sneezing and coughing.
I got some good reading in on the way, and ate a pack of seaweed and a packet of savoury nibbles too. So maybe me appetite is returning?
I had a wander around town for a bit and wrote down me appointment for tomorrow and set me alarm to remind me on the mobile phone. When I was doing this a young chap next to me said: “You don’t see many of them models nowadays do you, how long have you had it – it still works does it?”
I replied: “Yes it still works for an old un just like me… just!” He laughed out loud.
I love giving folk a laugh, or even just to make them smile.
Now in amazingly good spirits considering me current situation, I stood up to walk to the bus stop to catch one to Carrington… and how the idiot on a Mobility scooter missed clobbering me I don’t know! Tsk Tsk and Tsk!
Got home (If that is the right word for it?) made a cuppa, took me medications, set about updating this, then had a look at blogs and Facebook for a bit.
Tonight it should be Minced Beef Hotpot, followed by a mini pork pie then iced lollies. If all goes to plan of course.
0400hrs: WC. Checked the ‘Inch’ – very little blood, still swollen and looking inflamed. I forgot to put me Clotrimazole cream on (Twit!)
Being as our Jane and Pete had too much on for me to visit them. They do live a full life, and Jane has is doing well, so proud of her.
So I’ve decreed today as an idle stay at home day!
My concentration is not good today for some reason.
Laptop started. Made a cuppa took me medications
I spend an awfully long time doing graphics for later use, perusing the Men’s Left Handed Usage sites etc. (Only joking)
On retiring the ‘Inch’ bed and bled when I applied the cream. Huh!
Sunday 12th October
Wot an odd night! Waking up every few minutes throughout. The porcelain had a good few visits.
Pains in the knees of a new character – when I went to apply me Phorpain gel I realised what they were… Boils!
Oh lucky me.
Bloomin’ cold again this morning.
Came down and put the heater on in the front room. Made a cuppa and took me medications. During which I thought and pondered about me dosages. On the usual medications it says clearly so many to be taken days or nights. But what about the penicillin? It says four a day – is a day 12 hours or 24? Must remember to ask Dr Vindla about this in the morning. And the fact that despite the med’s and cream, little ‘Inch’ is still bleeding away.
0545hrd, Updated this and started working on my next Nottingham Lads True Tales of Woe for me Inchcock site.
Got the post finished and posted – toyed on Facebook and did some graphics to post.
A warm wet feeling had encroached on my lower regions… I’d better go and get myself ready for me walk and check out the ‘Inch’ then get beautified in case some lady speaks to me on me ramble. (Hehe… back in a bit… I hope – None did!)
Well I’ve got me ablutions finished and very little blood this time. Talking of time, it’s time I was off on me walk into town.
Set off on it and took a picture of Mansfield Road in Carrington.
Then walked along and noticed the sky looked wonderful this morning, but it was colder than it looked though.
I trundled limping along, with everyone passing me, and there seemed a lot of folk going into town for a Sunday.
Wonder what was taking place?
As I got nearer town, I noticed the window ledge of House of Fraser had come in handy for somebody last night on their piss-up night out. A contraceptive, fag packet and nub-ends Costa coffee cups and a crushed half eaten food box scattered around. In the phone box further on the same assortment was laying inside?
Clinton Street looked like there was a marathon going on in it, it was that busy.
The many banks ATM’s were busy as well.
So I took the less busy longer route into the slab square because I could see a couple of mobility scooters mixed in with the crowds on Milton Street.
In the slab square a bit of excitement I thought – seeing a police van, a police car an ambulance and a paramedics car sited on Long Row.
I took a photo or two and approached to see if I could find out what had been taking place – but could see nothing untoward and was very disappointed.
I pondered around a bit and made me way back to Parliament Street via King Street, and there was a demonstration taking place just near Brian Clough’s statue.
It looked like Brian Clough’s statue was cheering them on.
I didn’t find out what it was all about as there were some hecklers to the right of em as I took the photo.
So I decided to walk the long way around again.
That explains the police presence then.
In the square there was many temporary food take-away outlets, some giving off steam and flames as they prepared the many foreign foods for the eager Nottinghamians prepared to pay out the outrageous prices being asked.
Man skateboarders and cyclists belting about all over the place – but none of the police officers around seemed concerned at all.
If I’d got a 303 and shot a few they would be I suppose.
I hobbled up Market Street and realised how many of them ‘orrible money grabbing Pay-Day Loan companies had premises on Upper Parliament Street and took a photo of a few.
Some of the signs were approaching liable I think.
“You are not alone – we can help!”
“We buy your gold”
“Cheques Cashed”
“Can we help you – It’s so easy!”
“Loans Guaranteed”
“We buy and sell all items”
“Short Term Loans at fantastic rate!”
“Exclusive Pay-day Loans – No Credit Checks!” etc.
The gullible and poor are being preyed on here!
And I don’t think it’s right! Moan over now!
I caught the bus back to Carrington, and it was so full and I think the driver was behind because he was doing his best to have the passenger on the floor as he rushed us home.
As we stopped at the traffic lights (much to the displeasure of the driver) I noticed the old Evangelical Church had been sold and they had moved into premised that were obviously cheaper to maintain and run.
If I remember afterwards I’ll Google the new occupants’ name and see if I can find out who they are.
Got off bruised a little, and hobbled back to the hovel.
I updated this tosh, cuppa and medications taken. ‘Inch’ tended to (A bit more blood this time) and got me nosh ready.
Part of the “A Nottingham Lad’s True Tales of Woe” Series
En route to the Inn where we were to stay for the week, we decided, after the second electric fault with the van, to invest in a newer one between us.
Anyway, the RAC got us there… well, to a garage just up the road from the Inn.
In the morning, we fetched the repaired van (£160), and went on a reconnaissance run to suss out the better fisheries available locally to us. After a vote on which to fish that day, we visited the Broads to fish.
It was hot, the boat traffic was horrendous, and I had not had a bite for hours.
I decided to try out my new ledger-rod, and set up with a coffin lead, 16 spade-end bronze forged reversed spade-end hook, and baited with pressed bread. Casting in close to the bank, for fear of getting tangled with many boats going up and down the river.
No bites, nothing for another hour – at which point I thought I’d nip along the bank to the other lads to see how they were doing, and ask them if they wanted to move somewhere else.
Bill, catching a few skimmers said he was happy to stay.
Jock, was fast asleep, so I didn’t wake him up.
Mad Ken, was going at it like a mad-man, walloping in tons of ground-bait, and loose feed, casting every few minutes.
I asked him how he was doing and he said, “Nuffin’ yet, but I did have bite abart an hour ago, un I cun see rings ont water, summat big in there!” He did not want to move either.
I returned to my peg, just in time to see a *unt in a punt, going past so close to the bank, and he dragged in my rod and tackle as he sped off!
Well pissed off I was then!
The next day, after a night of good company, booze, darts, dominoes, and fish & chips we went to some gravel pits near Yarmouth to fish.
After several hours of nothing happening, a bailiff collected our monies, and advised me to try sweetcorn on the hook – I did, nothing happened.
Depressed and frustrated, I went to see how the other lads were doing. Bill had some big bream, Mad Ken was into the Tench, and Jock was asleep on the bank. Seeing the good fish that Ken and Bill had caught, renewed my spirits, and I hastily returned to my peg… and sat there for another three hours with nothing happening, until the lads decided they had had enough.
The next day, after a night of good company, booze, darts, dominoes, and fish & chips we decided to fish the river Waveney. That was stone’s throw from the inn we were staying at. It was shallow, fast moving, and full of snags!
I got tangled not surprisingly, and had to bend down, and put a foot in the river to free the hook – as I stood up again, me head made severe contact with a tree trunk.
The nurses at the Lowestoft Road Hospital’s Accident & Emergency unit were very kind.
The next day, in the afternoon I was released from the hospital.
The next day, after a night of good company, booze, darts, dominoes, and fish & chips, we set out to fish a river near a windmill (Can’t remember the name).
We parked up, walked over a mill, I went into a field, and settled on the bank to fish in the high winds of the day.
At last I was to catch a few fish, bream, roach, and a jack-pike, and as happy as a lark… until I turned around to mix some more bait, and there, straight in front of me, was the biggest brown bull I have ever seen. He was stood staring at me, with steam coming out of his nose, not moving at all!
I very slowly and gently packed up my gear, and crept towards the gate in the field… as I started to climb over the gate the beast sprang into life, snorted, and came for me! I threw my tackle over the gate, and followed it post haste. How the gate did not collapse when the bull ran into it I do not know.
Then I realised I’d taken the wrong gate out of the field, and now faced a marathon walk, carrying all my tackle down to a bridge, and back up the other bank to get to the van.
The next day after enjoying the booze, darts, dominoes, the lads telling the locals of me escapade with the bull, much hilarious laughter and ribaldry, then fish & chips the night before, we departed the inn, to travel home.
Multi-National company CDA (Clivey-Boy Amalgamated), are to produce a Nottingham scenario for their new CDA Zim-Sity Simulation Game, due for release later this year.
Gaz Topps, Sim-Sity’s senior developer quoted:
“We realised that Nottingham has the fastest growing unemployed level in the country, and saw an opening to increase sales to those with the time to play the game. I feel sure the new more accurate representations of life in Nottingham will find the people of this City responsive to the new scenario which will be available soon.”
He explained further; We will be incorporating more Pay-day Loan outlets, Community buildings, Probation Offices, Charity Shops, Banks, Bankrupt retail outlets, Pawnbrokers, boarded up shops, Car parking meters, Law Firms, Job-Centres, Busker zones, and Drug Treatment Centres along with a reduction in Police Stations, Libraries, Council Housing, and Schools, to reflect a more accurate depiction of the City.
The police scenario module will include muggings, knifings, drug crime, and people being knocked over by Mobility Scooters and skateboarders to give it a more realistic to life in Nottingham angle.
We will also be creating a dedicated City-Centre zone, with public transport-buses taxis trams and cyclist driving on the pavements, emergency vehicles, Pay-day Loan outlets, Mobility scooters, Skateboarders, empty retail units, Parking Wardens, and Shoplifting scenarios.
We have done a deal with Grzegorz Malobodu Smythe-Robinson Chair of the local Big Issue organisation to allow us to use their logo in the game so everyone in Nottingham can recognise this and become more involved in the game.
It’s taken a while to develop this game and we have had to make further changes as time has passed. We’ve now removed the Police Station that was burnt down in the riots, as well as those closed down.
For realities sake we’ve also reduced the number of Police officers available to despatch to incidents by the player by 300.
We’ve now added a ‘Current Status map’ so players can view their scenario at a click of a button. Like ‘Current Shop lifters in action’ – ‘Big Issue sellers selling’ – ‘Elderly people currently at risk from Skateboarders’ – ‘Elderly people currently at risk from Mobility Scooters’ – ‘Muggings currently taking place’ – ‘Pickpockets currently in action’ – ‘Pay-day Loans currently being transacted’ and ‘Knifings/Firearm incidents currently taking place’. This will help the player to follow and control the normal life in Nottingham.
We feel sure that the young computer literate people of Nottingham will want to play this game.
We’ve done a deal with several local Pay-Day Loan companies for them to arrange loans for anyone wishing to buy the game when it goes into distribution.
It will eventually be produced for all computers, Xbox, ipods etc. And should be available at under £300.
Steedenski Pay-Day Loans of Sewer Lane in Nottingham are offering to reduce their interest from 6,876.40% to 6,200.99% for purchases of the new game.
We are currently accepting suggestions for the name of the game and we are offering a prize for the supplier of the chosen name.
Woke a few times with stomach/lower abdominal pains.
At around 0400hrs I woke again, and set about trying o read me book thinking that would send me off again.
0510hrs: Many chapters later, I felt the warm wet sensation around me ‘Inch’ – but it was not as bad as I thought. So I cleaned myself up and put the cream on.
Walk into Sherwood
Came down about 0600hrs and started the laptop, made a cuppa and took me morning medications. Took some stuff out to the bin, and got the stuff i tried to deliver to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop yesterday in the bag for another try today. Added a few bits to it.
Did some blogging and graphics for facebook.
Went up to beautify missen, and then set off on me walk to Sherwood, going passed St John’s graveyard… St John’s foetus covered graveyard.
Onto Mansfield Road and down then up the hill to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop. It was still closed?
I decided to take the stuff to the Age Concern shop in town, thus I caught a bus.
It was busy in town, I suppose being a Friday I should have expected it.
I espied a poster for the Contemporary Gallery in town, telling of a BBC special show about the First World War – and thought yes, I’ll have some of that thank you.
Milton Street busy
I was going to walk through Milton Street, but the crowds were very thick, so walked to the Age Concern the long way around to avoid them.
Managing to avoid the mobility scooter drivers en route. I’m sure they must get bonus points for scaring or running into people yer know?
I hoped to take some pictures of the exhibition and was really looking forward to it too.
Puzzled youth
At this point, I’d like to point out and explain about me camera situation for you all. The Oldie Olympus is still working, but tends to turn itself off when it feels like it? But the screen is developing black patches and is becoming difficult to view.
I bought a Cannon camera which I really liked a lot, it was easy to use and download to the laptop.
Then I had me last burglary. I didn’t use it for a while then couldn’t find it anywhere and thought it had been taken with the other bits.
So, I went and got conned by the kind chap a Jessops Photography shop into buying a Sony camera I didn’t really feel comfortable with, and I had to get Pete me brother in law to assemble the ‘free’ case wot cum with it and show me some pointers on how it worked.
Yesterday I found the ‘new’ Canon camera and am tickled pink. So I used it today, apart from the disinfectant and cake photo that is, for that I used the old Olympus.
I’ve done a search a few minutes ago to try and find the new Canon camera… not to worry, I must have put it somewhere safe…
The mystery of the disappearing Poppy’s?
Then I poddled up Bridlesmith Gate and out to the Gallery, who had a sign outside about the BBC exhibition… and another in the foyer area… then I saw this sign!
Ah well…
Off to the cheapo 99p shop in Broad Marsh. (Limping now)
There were very few people in the centre for a Friday, and the 99p shop shelves looked decidedly bare to me?
Took a photo, that cheered up the staff who descended upon me!
Still, I got a 2.5 litre Lavender disinfectant and a pack of ten Chocolate biscuits/cakes for 99p each. I got the cakes for the nurses at the QMC yer know. I might try one myself later.
A steady walk down the centre and up into town, stopping to listen to the Sax player and throw a bit into his collection box.
The Lord Mayors Jaguar
Took a photo of the Lord Mayors Jaguar, parked where in 2010 I was given a parking ticket when I was responding to an alarm activation when I was working in security. (Huh, blow and Tsk!)
Then up King Street, and while there were not many folk around I took a photo of Brian Clough’s statue.
Caught the bus to Carrington, and limped to the hovel, well tired and aching again.
Brian’s statue and Wot I bought
Updated this tosh, made a cuppa, and set alarm to remind me to take the penicillin capsule later.
I must remember to text sister Jane to see if it is alright for me to visit them in them tomorrow.
Tried to do some graphics, but Coreldraw9 kept freezing… oh dear… is this the end?
Got text back from Jane. Can’t visit them they are having flu jabs in the morning then going to meal in afternoon. Ah well can’t be helped.
Hello, yobs kurking in the middle of the street again.
Oh dear oh dear… The ‘Inch’ was so painful. Swollen tender and bulbous, almost glowing red! At least the bleeding was far less this morning.
The pains in the left ribs had eased a bit too. The arthritis seemed not too bad, the angina was okay at the moment.
Got down around 0320hrs – laptop started and made a cuppa. Far too early yet to take me medications. Just took one Codeine Phosphate 30mg to ease the tenderness in the ‘Inch’.
Did some work on me Inchcock blog and posted one.
The Inch is far less painful and tender now, thankfully.
Made another cuppa and took me medications.
Got rather carried away again creating a graphic for hours… and you’ve guessed it, Coreldraw9 froze and I lost everything. I haven’t swore so much for ages.
The walkies plan today, was to take a walk to the Hospice shop with the stuff for them into Sherwood, then catch a bus into Arnold; where I hoped to get some of the ready meals from Iceland and lollies from Fultons.
I’m doing this because I give up on my failed efforts to get the Nottingham City Council Meals at Home service to keep the appointments they made to come and see me about it.
Had a wash and shave and made myself look semi-respectable (well…), got the things ready for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop, made sure I’d got all me things needed and set off – just as the rain came!
I limped into Sherwood, and found the Hospice Shop was closed with a notice on the window ‘We regret this shop is closed today due to unforeseen, circumstances’ I hope the staff were alright.
I had to walk all the way back to the flea-pit with the bags, and the rain started again. (Tsk!)
I got in and left the Hospice bags, changed into a dry hat and set off again, but only to the bus stop to catch bus to Arnold and the freezer shops.
Arrived in Arnold Front Street, which was handy because both of the shops are on that street.
Called into Iceland where I got some wonderfully priced microwave meals (89p Special Offer from £1) – Shepherds Pies and Potato Beans and Sausage with cheese. I also bought a ready meal at £1-50 somehow I didn’t notice it had sweet corn in it so I’ll have to just not eat the sweet corn when I digest the rest of it. Dr at QMC said to avoid sweet corn, summat to do with me kidneys not liking them?
Walked over to the Fultons shop and got some lollies. While walking around the shop perusing, I had one of those conversations that stay with you a while… confuse you, but stay with you.
Me: Excuse me, could you tell me if you have any of the Microwave sausages in stock?
He: Microwave sausages?
Me: Yes, they were packed in 20’s and cost £1.99.
He: Did they?
Me: Yes.
He: Where were they?
Me: Here in front of us in the freezer marked sausages!
He: No… But we have Kipling Vienna cakes on offer!
Flabbergasted!
I got me stuff and caught the bus back to Carrington.
As I got off of the vehicle, the rain started again.
By the time I had hobbled back to the dump, I wus well soaked this time.
As I got in I felt suddenly so tired and weary again.
Had a Potato cheesey bean thing (Nice though) followed by a lolly or two and me medications then actually fell asleep for once.
Woke up by the Meals at Home people phoning to see if I was in!
I explained as best I could without getting annoyed about their failure to keep two appointments that they had set to see me, and I was out buying food due to their second non-appearance yesterday. Eventually I just said: “If I need you I’ll phone later, let’s forget it eh? Thanks anyway.
Woke a few times with stomach pains, well lower abdominal pains.
It was disclosed this morning by Ashgar Tyson a City Council litter and Big Issue seller to our ace, unpaid, senile WordPress reporter Juan Inchcock that the Nottingham City Police are to be awarded a Special Preservation Order from the Nottingham City Council.
Inchcock contacted the City Council leader Con Jollins (Expenses so far this year £46,814.48) who had just returned from a fact finding mission to see how the Miami Council deals with their Gay Lithuanian Support Groups. He met him as he was being woken up at a Council meeting on spending cuts and asked him about this rumour of the Nottingham City Police being awarded a Special Status.
Mr Jollins replied; Now the Coalition Government has dramatically cut the number of officers, and their having asked for a further 2000 voluntary applications from officers for early redundancy, and their having actually received over 6,200 application, we are considering placing a ‘Protected Species’ classification on them as well. But this is being dealt with by our Social Services leader Nugget Khan (Expenses to date this year £4,646.45) He is currently in Luxembourg assessing the Social needs of immigrants from Luxembourg within Nottingham society.
He added; However, you might like to speak with his secretaries third assistant cleaners support worker, Shirley (Wage £9.37 hourly). She will be available every second Wednesday between ten and ten past ten at the Job Centre plus offices on Upper Parliament Street where she gives support and advice to the masses of Nottingham… as part of the City Council’s support group for the underprivileged.
Unsure if it was worth following up this rumour, Juan left and took his medications.
Commissioner Steedenski
Inchcock eventually did catch up with Shirley by chance, when he was on his way to apply for a new bus-pass, Shirley’s chauffeur driven Jaguar swerved to avoid a skateboarder who had collided with a mobility scooter, and they knocked Inchcock over.
Commissioner Mike Steedenski, who was in the vehicle groping Shirley at the time bore witness that Juan had caused the accident by running away from the skateboarder and mobility scooter in the first place.
When he was released from hospital, he decided to chase the story about the Nottingham police, and ensconced at the Job Centre plus offices on the Wednesday at ten a.m. and awaited the arrival of Shirley.
He saw her arrive and put her bottle of Gin in the glove compartment, she entered the Job Centre Plus premises. Where Juan cornered her and asked for her views on the Granting of Special Status for the Nottingham Police Force.
She was very calm and collected and explained: “Any rare species is entitled to our protection to save their becoming totally extinct. Look what happened to the Dodo and Simon Dee! Do we want this to happen to our Policemen as they become more and more scarce?”
Offensive weapon caution
At that she walked off into the back offices with a hiccup and staggered waddle.
Juan was still not sure if he should continue with the story to press, as there seemed little interest shown by the Big issue sellers, street artists, muggers and Pay-Day loan customers he had interviewed so far that week.
As he left the premises, he was approached by an armed police officer who wished to be advised as to why Juan was in possession of an offensive weapon?
His walking stick.
Police requesting an interview with Inchy about his walking stick & his attack on Commissioner Mike Steedenski’s vehicle
Juan gave the man short change, questioned his parentage put his cap on and limped off disgusted with his treatment.
He caught the bus home to his flea-pit house, and immediately (Well, after he’d taken his medications) drafted a letter of resignation as an unpaid WordPress reporter.
As he set off on a hobble to post it off, the police arrived and conducted an interview with him about his dangerous walking stick he left the Job Centre Plus office.
New aches in arms and legs; Perhaps I’d been tossing and turning in my sleep.
Cuppa and medications taken, remembering the extra penicillin capsules.
Must not forget the three others I’ve to take… hard work this yer know, trying to get the medications right with em changing so often.
Currently I’m on:
Warfarin as per weekly schedule
Furosomine 40 mg – One per day, mornings
Bisoropol Fumarate – 2.5 mg – One in morning
Docusate Sodium – 100 mg caps – One four times a day
Ramipril 10mg One a day at night
Simvastin 40 mg – One a day at night
Codeine Phosphate – 30 mg – Twice a day
Paracetomol – 500 mg – Four times a day
Ranitidine – 150 mg – One tablet twice a day
Omeprozole – 20mg – One a day
Pentoxifylline – 400mg – Three times a day
Flucloxacillin – 500mg – Four times a day
Amoxicillin Trihydrate – 250mg – One at night, One in morning
Cetraben cream – Morning and night
Clotrimazole cream – Three times a day
Phorpain Gel – Three times a day
Corticosteroid cream – Three times a day
Mondays: GP checks on the ‘Inch’ condition.
Mondays: Queens Medical Centre Haematology INR level checks.
Tuesday: Queens Medical Centre Renal and Reflux valve checks.
I’m expecting Meals at Home lady to call today – and must remember my 1530 appointment with the nurse at the GP surgery for me flu jab. Oh… just checked on me Google diary, it’s for 1425hrs. I hope the Meals people come in time… problems problems problems (Huh!).
The Situation (Nightmare) of the Meals on Wheels
Wednesday 24th September;
Walked down through the arcade and went into the Library Contact point and asked them if they knew where I could get details of the Meals at home service. A very nice lady called them for me, and handed me the phone. They are going to send me details through the post.
Saturday 27th September;
Got me bumf on Meals at Home.
I waddled through the crowds to the County Contact Point in the library.
Where I asked about the Meals at Home delivery day, because I thought it might on me hospital days, Monday or a Tuesday. The kind lady said they were closed there at the weekends. But if I could call on Tuesday as I go through to the Queens medical centre, she would call them for me. That was nice of her.
Tuesday 29th September;
I called at the Contact point again, but the lady was not there.
I limped to the library and spoke with a chappie on the contact point desk. It transpired that someone from the Council will be calling to see me tomorrow sometime about it.
Wednesday 1st October;
Remembered I’d got the ‘Meals at Home’ person calling today, so I have to remain in all day so as not to miss he/her/them. 1450hrs: Making myself poorly with holding in me urge to go to the toilet in case I miss the ‘Meals at Home’ person/s who are supposed to be calling today. Determined not to miss them/him/her and give em a reason not to serve me. Bit frustrating this waiting and not knowing lark.
1510hrs: Still waiting…
Thursday 2nd October:
Walked to the Nottingham Council Contact Point in the main library, took a photo of the slab square.
Talked with the helpful chappie who had arranged for the Meals at Home peoples to call and see me yesterday.
Explained to him how I’d waited in for 13 hours but nobody came to see me… adding about the ailments that this failure had caused me. But I kept meself calm throughout.
“What else can I do?” he asked.
“Forget it!” I replied.
“What are you going to do then?” He inquired.
“Drop dead through starvation I suppose!” I quipped with a smile on me face. Adding “I cannot go through that again waiting, holding my water and back passage movements, the Angina starting, the high-blood pressure… never mind. But thanks for your help anyway Sir!”
Got home and found a note through the door telling me they called on Thursday AM but I was not in. Huh! They would be calling back on Monday!?!?
Friday 3rd October;
Got back to the flea-pit and rang up the Meals at Home people.
After telling her all about it, the woman put me through to someone else – so I explained it all again in detail about Monday and Tuesdays out of the question. And began losing heart at this point when, she said; No problem we’ll call to see you next Tuesday!?!?
AGAIN I explained about Monday and Tuesday being taken up with medical procedure and tests.
“Oh yes… We’ll call on Wednesday the 8th between 11 and 2pm then.
I said thank you and rang off mentally weary.
Wednesday 8th;
No sign of them by 1415hrs, and I had to rush off to the GP for me flu jab.
Got back, but no note in the letter box, no on from Nottingham County Council Meals at Home had called.. again! – I give up!
