Tag: Bit of Fun

Poetical Advice on the Ageing Process

Poetical Advice on the Ageing Process

 

Tripping, falling, slipping, dizzy-spells or funny turns

Any one of these, and others can have you over, young ones must learn,

Whatever you are doing, the time will come…

When you’ll end unexpectedly on your bum!

And, I assure you it’ll painfull, not numb!

 

Anywhere you can fall...
Hospital visit
Visiting Grizelda...

As an aid to remind the young, unprepared whipper-snappers of the dangers wot they are certain to face, I’ve wrote them this little ditty:

To the tune of:

“It’s a long way to Tipperary”

It’s a long way to Topple-over,
It’s a long way to go,
It’s a long way to Topple-over,
My knees won’t let me up I know,
Goodbye, Being Healthy,
Farewell, teeth and hair!
It’s a long, long way to Topple-over,
Old age isn’t Fair!

It’s a long way to Topple-over,
It’s a long way below,
(Be-bom-bom-bom)
It’s a long way to Topple-over,
Despite you’re best endeavour,
(Be-om-be-bom–bom–bom–bom)
Goodbye, being healthy,
Farewell, teeth and hair!
It’s a long, long way to Topple-over,
Get back up if you dare!

Published in support of the Japanese Vick Inhaler Population in need.

In Japan, over-the-counter allergy/sinus medications that contain

the ingredient pseudoephedrine such as Vicks inhalers and

Sudafed are banned under Japan’s strict anti-stimulant drug laws.

Sometimes…

Sometimes…

Sometimes, I fear the approach of satanophany,
Which sounds demonic, weird and uncanny,
Sometimes, I’ll go out on a shopping spree,
This doesn’t last long, I run out of money,
Sometimes, I search for love, but I find a banshee,
I don’t understand what she sees in me?
Sometimes, I lose my hearing aids, pen or door key,
Credit card, bus-pass, I was once stung by a bumble-bee,
Sometimes, I enjoy a mug of English Breakfast tea,
Only a small one mind, or else I’ll forever wee-wee,
Sometimes, I sing, it sounds a right cacophony,
Neighbours tell me to stop my out-of-tune baloney,
Sometimes, I feel the onset of old age idiocy,
Being lonely, I tried to join a synomocy,
Sometimes, I believe in Democracy,
With its inherent bureaucracy,
Sometimes, I can’t cope with life’s importunity
I’m ready to snuff it, given the opportunity,
Sometimes, I’m fed-up with the governing kakistocracy,
Not educated, don’t what a Glurk is, or an apostrophe,
Sometimes, I want to live my life hassle free,
Or sod-off out of it, like Crocodile Dundee

My Beautiful Phantasmagorian Dragon

My Beautiful Phantasmagorian Dragon

There came in the night, a dragon to see me,
At first, it fritted me… made me want to pee,
It settled down, landing on my chest,
I smiled and wished it all the best,
It was puzzled by this, I could see.

I spoke gently to her, told her an anecdote,
As her claws tore away at my throat,
I gave her obvious beauty much praise,
Told her how she could change her violent ways,
She said earlier she had eaten a stoat?

She released her grip on my bloodied head,
When I gave her food, pork knuckle and Scottish bread,
Hoping she’d like it, and not get diahorrea,
She was the prettiest thing in my phantasmagoria,
Best of all I thought, as she drank my blood,
Someone to talk to, and that is good!

Retirement

Retirement sing-along to the tune of:

My Favourite Things

You remember: the tune from ‘The Sound of Music’?

Warfarin, duodenal Ulcer and cuts that need knitting,
Omeprazole and Morphine and new dental fittings,
Enoxaparin injections and boy they don’t half sting,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Metal ticker valve, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Simvastatin, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Overdue rent and those romantic flings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy meals or food cooked with onions,
Social workers, the hot meals that they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Back pains, confused brains and no fear of sinning,
Thin bones and fractures and hair beyond thinning,
More of the pleasures maturity brings-
When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
I simply remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel… so bad.

Hehehe!

Exit mobile version
%%footer%%