The Injuries, Frustrations and Farcial damage caused by my checking out the Amazon Delivery of Hearing-Amplifiers and a Lid-Removal tool!

The Amazon Delivery Man Cometh

He rang the intercom phone, he was at the door very soon,

And, it was only late in the afternoon,

For me, this arrival was of great fortune,

The Hearing Aids and lid opener would surely be a boon!

Yet it later proved me to be an utter paltroon?

– – – – – – – – – – –

He was off in seconds, his signature obtained from me,

I had to open the packet, to view, check and to see,

Would the lid opener, set me free?

Permit me to get at the mushrooms, that were pricey,

Opened the packet, would the lid work for this consignee?

Nope, it didn’t budge, I slipped and broke the mirror though,

Is that another seven years bad luck, oh-oh!

Now I have another bruise on my little toe,

But I would not give up and let this failure go!

So I stabbed the lid with a knife, the blood did flow!

Good job I store antiseptic cream, pads and bandages, don’t you know,

And some plasters with the medicines in the Bureau,

Anyway, afterwards, off the lid did go,

How to keep the Chinese Mushroom fresh though?

An empty beetroot jar saved the day, although,

 I wasn’t big enough, so some I had dish and to go!

– – – – – – – – – – –

I opened the hearing-amplifiers, excited, I thought I’d explode!

Things started well, batteries were the same, well I’ll be blowed!

Fitted inserts that best-fitted volume to a minimum, it was intolerable!

All I could hear was the blood rushing in my head, it was horrible!

I took the thing to pieces, and a battery shot from my Arthritic hands,

It flew all over, bouncing, it reminded me of a bumble bee,

Or maybe a miniature well thrown, Frisbee

Where did go to? I was fed-up with myself,

Searched finding it under and at the back of the corner shelf.


Painfully got down to retrieve this battery, to the dismay of Anne Gyna,

Duodenal Donald, and Arthur Itis too,

The knees that I had bruised were going blue,

Getting back up, and I swear this to you,

I grabbed the door handle, and slipped off of it,

Banging my knee of the wall opposite,

Dragging myself up a message from Haemorrhoid Harold did chant,

Told me I’d need to put on a Comfort Pant!

Thus, I end this little rant!

And to think that Dad used to call me Lucky!

8 thoughts on “The Injuries, Frustrations and Farcial damage caused by my checking out the Amazon Delivery of Hearing-Amplifiers and a Lid-Removal tool!

  1. That is one tight lid on the jar of Chinese mushrooms. I think after awhile, broken mirrors bring good luck, but I can’t say for sure. Darn it all anyway. I thought the Chinese jar opener would be the trick. If it were made in the UK it might have worked better, who knows.

    • Ah well, not to mind, Tim. What’s a bit of pain and bleeding to the likes of me? Hehehe!
      I hope I last long enough for the good luck to arrive, mate. Haha!
      I think the mushroom jar lid might have got dented a bit, I say one in the side of it after getting it punctured and off?
      Next jar I start I’ll try it again.
      Got to find time to sort the hearing amplifiers next.
      This morning on the way to the clinic and chemists, I have to face Obergruppenfurheress Julie, who rang last month about the cell-phone charge and told htem to cancel the contract – I got another bill from them now. Tsk!
      Take care. TTFN

    • I knew you’d understand, Tessa. Hehe!
      We do seem to share the same Accifauxpas & Whoopsiedangleplops don’t we?
      Thanks, flower.
      All the bestest, taketh care.

      • I need to get back to blogging. Kind of in a rut and not doing so well with the insulin shots. May have to start giving them to myself in my thighs as my stomach is pretty sore now.

      • Oh dear, Tessa.
        Finding an area can take longer than the injecting sometimes can’t it gal? Tsk!
        Time can be cruel when you want to do things, but so much to do in other areas that gets you behind with the original aims. (Hope that makes sense alright).
        Best of luck and good wishes. TTFN X

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