Inchcock, The Yonderly Pensioner: Mon 14 Dec 20:

    ♥ TFZeress with Decorator? ♥

Monday 14th December 2020

Catalan: Dilluns 14 de Desembre de 2020

01:10hrs: Woke, wobbled out of the recliner, weighed up my balance, and went to the bucket for a weak wee-wee, and wondered why it was so sprinkly, went to get the Health Checks done.

I started with the Chinese built blood pressure machine from Boots, thingamabob, wotsit, erm… ah, sphygmomanometer (I’ve remembered the name now). The SYS was up again, but it’s always up and down lately.

Then onto the Chinese built Harpin Xian Di Thermometer. A near-perfect result this morning. Smug-Mode-Engaged!

Two excellent results!

I took the morning-time medications. The Docusate Sodium Adult/50ml Oral Solution, I shook viciously, before taking a gulp of it, and a Dioctyl® capsule. As per instructions. I made up a 2litre bottle of spring water with some lemon flavouring added and drank a lot of it.

As per the instructions.

Within a few minutes, I had a summoning to the Porcelain Throne arrived. I hobbled to the wet room and got myself settled down on the plastic lid. And before I even did anything I found the clothes I left soaking in the sink to sanitise them, as I grabbed them to remove to the bucket, black bits appeared everywhere?

All around the drain was marked with black and even yellow bits of whatever it was?

It took me yonks to get things sorted out, and I could not remove all of the gunk, despite my best efforts!

Just as well that the calling to the Porcelain Throne was no of an urgent nature. Else I could have found myself in a proper picklement!

Does anyone have any advice on what might have caused this to occur, please?

The session did not go well. Humph! Again like yesterday, there was no movement for ages, the crossword booking was started. (I didn’t get many answers!). The innards were making rumbling grumbling, noises for a long time.

At long last, albeit painfully, the action started. Grindingly slowly! It was accompanied by strange put-putting sounds. Harold’s Haemorrhoids were going through agony! A couple of stoppages and starting again didn’t help. And the end was a messy, gluey job. It was a mammoth task cleaning up afterwards!

Annoyingly, the blood flowed too freely. And the rear-end cheeks were as sore as the piles were! The medicationalisationing was another painful affair. I felt a little disappointed with this visit. But hey-ho, I’d had a fair start to the day.

I got on with updating the Sunday blog. I’d done a lot of it yesterday, so it didn’t take me too long. Plus, Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters, we being unbelievably kind to me, now! Yee-Haa! and Gesundheit!

I sent off the post to WordPress. Went on Facebook catch-up, and answered some comments. Tim Price in New Mexico. Pointed out that Venus would be at its most visible at 06:00 hours this morning, thanked him.

I set the alarm on my new Nokia phone to remind myself. Using my new Nokia 9 Pureview Mobile, with its Android (Pie) adaptability, Corning Gorilla Glass 5, Octa-Core Gold CPU, 4K@30fps, 1080p@30fps, HDR video, USB Type-C 3.1, %x12 MP. 28mm Camera, Bluetooth, A-GPS, Fingerprint (under display, optical), accelerometer, gyro, proximity, compass, barometer, Li-Po 3320 mAh, non-removable, Charging Fast 18W, Quick Charge 3.0, USB Power Delivery. Fast wireless charging 10W, and – Qi Battery. Ahem

I made a brew of Glengettie.

I made a start on this post, and before long, it shot by like lighting, in a flash, it was time to get the ablutions sorted out. But as usual, I had a change if plans when I realised I had the time to spare.

I got the handwashing into bowl and sink, So they would be soaking, for it to be easier for me later, then all I’ve need to do is rinse them out and get them hung.

Clever stuff, eh? Maybe not, then.

Ablutionalisationing Report:

  • The teeth-cleaning was not good, I caught the broken molar that the dentist told me ‘Not to worry about” two weeks ago. 
  • The shaving went betterer, only two nicks, and five dropsies. Although it was a struggle on the last one, as SSS started off as I tried to retrieve the razor.
  • I had to nip out into the hallway because I’d forgot to turn the power-box. (Hard to believe, I know, Hehe!) 
  • I hit my shoulder on the doorframe getting back in the wet room. (Fruggleclomps!) 
  • Apart from SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley), Cartilage Cathy, and hitting my head on the control-box, the general showering went okay.
  • The rear-end cleaning was more painful than usual, that was due to the Porcelain Throne mishap earlier. Hey-Ho! 
  • The drying off did go well, no knocking anything off of anywhere.
  • The medicating, well, it was not pleasant. Harold’s Haemorrhoids went through agony. And the toe was as tender as heck!
  • I decided not to put any socks on, this time. Not that the Sock-Glide scares me, injures me, draws blood and traps the fingers giving out bruises and welts with a smile on its face… Getting carried away there again, Sorry)  
  • I caught the toe against the shower chair. Plainly, being the brave, strong, determined young man that I indeed am, this was of no bother to me… I’ll take that back!)
  • The new substituted by Sainsbury’s PPs for the wrong sized ones were put on… they make me look even fatter than I am, and that’s saying something. Hahaha! I do hope I don’t cough or sneeze, happen they’ll split open if I do! A bit on the small side!
  • (Not really an Accifauxpa, but it was so funny!) Right at the end of this session, as I was about to leave the room, I realised I’d not sprayed myself with the deodorant – and reached for the Brut, flipped the lid with my left hand. Missed catching it as it shot off, the cap flew into the sock glide, bounced back upwards and hit me on the nose, down and bounced off of the sink, and plopped straight into the toilet bowl without touching the sides!  I did larf!
  • The best bit, the Brut can didn’t hit my foot, or torso!
  • Oh, and after I pulled the plug after a final washing of the nails, look what happened. The suds refused to go down the drain hole and came back up the overflow? Life can be so confusing, mind you the alternative is worse! Hahaha!

Minutes later, Hristina arrived. My, well, not just mine, of course, beautiful phlebotomy Vampire nurse came. She was again in a hurry, the poor thing has many more calls to make than she had before the Covi-19 animal arrived. Bless her ♥. She had me done in a jiffy and was off to her next client. She still managed to have a mini-gossip in between. ♥

I got the handwashing in the sink finished off. All done, wrung and hung. Only a pair of socks and a long-sleeve tee-shirt were done.

Then I got on with sorting the waste bags out. The box was overflowing so I must take them down straight away to the recycling and rubbish bins. It became a bit of a task when Nicodemus kicked off, but I did get the mall in the box and put it on top of the trolley, I straddled the big recycling bag over the handlebars.

I got the bag with the Balsamic crisps and Skinny bars in it, ( I’d forgotten to take them the other day when I called in Jenny, Tsk!)

A bit of a balancing act, but I got out into the outer hall, and had forgotten (I’m getting better at doing this lately, Haha!) the white recycling big bag, so returned to fetch it.

I went down in the lift, and, (I do feel a clot) got off on the wrong floor. No floor sign up yet. And didn’t realise with all the decorating going ona weak excuse, but it will have to do, Har-Har! I actually went in the flat’s lobby and pressed the wrong bell! When someone answered the door, I apologised and told the truth of my Whoopsiedangleplop.

Then went down in the elevator to the ground floor, I met Chrissie in the cage, and out into the open air outside. It was good! But, there were no bins out to use! I left the recycling one where the container usually is.

I spotted with my keen, alert, Socratic, sharp, inquisitive Sherlock Holmesian fashion, two fire engines art the end of the road dealing with an alarm at the Winchester Court block. I shall investigate further, later!

I reentered Woodthorpe Court. Observing (Still in Sherlock Holmesian Mode) that someone had supplied us with a Christmas tree in the lift lobby! Bless ’em! It might not be up to the standard of Windwood Court’s, but it is appreciated, whichever kind sole… no, soul, had supplied it for our little community of people who have been locked indoors for so long we’ve forgot each other’s names. Joke!

I rode the elevator back up to the flat. Got the kettle on, and remembered about the fire tenders. I took a snap out of the balcony windows, at least one was still there on Chestnut Walk near the bus turning island.

I think maybe it was a false alarm again. Mind you, we’ve had more actual fires this year than ever, so Malcolm says anyway.

I got updating this post again, and then Dusty’s tune rang out from the door chimes. It was the desirable, ILC, Warden, Obersturmbannführeress, and Desk Top Dancer Deana calling. To do an Alert Alarm test. It was lovely to have just a few words and laugh with her.

Now my fear is that Josie might return the Sunday lunch things late, and wake me up again. Please, that she doesn’t! (She didn’t, Phew!) I must remember to give her the can of gin, I keep forgetting.

I continued doing the updating and later put the ready-made in the oven.

I found this update for Nottingham Covid-19, before closing down the computer.

Getting the meal and bread out of the oven, I suddenly felt a sharp pain from a joint in my finger. I couldn’t believe how painful it was… but within a few seconds, it had gone pain-free? What the heck was that?

Ah, well, I got the meal prepared. Not much hassle to make it tonight. Iy didn’t look overly-attractive, but by gum, it tasted so good! A well-worthy 8/10 for flavour rating.

The pie was a low-calorie Kirsty’s Cottage Pie, with a difference. It had a sweet potato and carrot mash! What smidgeons of mince that was in it, had a lot of gristle in it, but I’m not averse to them and ended up chewing on odd bits that I retrieved, that had found refuge in my teeth, later. Hehehe!

I got the few pots and tray washed-up, took the evening medications, Phorpained Cathy Cartilage’s knee, and gave poor suffering Harold’s Haemorrhoids a soothing dose of the Germoloid ointment.

I settled to watch some TV, (believing it to one of the finest palliatives, in my quest to get to sleep). It worked, the first set of adverts came on, and I was gone, into the land of Sweet Morpheous, and managed four hours unbroken kip.


6 thoughts on “Inchcock, The Yonderly Pensioner: Mon 14 Dec 20:

  1. You had quite a day of whoopsies, accis and fibbing. Your big toe looks terrible. You are starting to get Howard Hughes toenails again. At least you got bled by your vampire. She has quite a rough job these days. That was a rather decent looking meal.

    • Merci Mon Ami, Tim.
      Not one of my betterer days.
      On y next order, I’m adding some more of the sweet potato and carrot topped Cottage Pies, will they let me send a couple through the mail?

  2. Outré day it was. Mysteries at the drain yet unsolved. Could a drain beastie have crawled up and deposited that detritus? I enjoyed how that deodorant lid bounced about until it had bounced against your snout. A good larf and worth a youtube presentation. Might require a camera crew, a gaffer. and a grip.

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