Inchcocks Integrable Dairy, Tue 22 Dec 20:

♥ TFZers Cafe? ♥

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Tuesday 22nd December 2020

French: Mardi 22 Décembre 2020

02:35hrs: Jumped awake – At last, I’ve had a dream I can remember something about. But first, the need of a wee-wee must be tended to.

Then things went (temporarily, I’m sure, Ahem!), a little out of shape. A nasty toe-stubbing as I moved to the wet room, the wee-wee produced about 2-fluid ounces in a slow, painful trickle. I washed and returned to the front room, intent on writing down the memories of the dream to record here later… But No! The flaming nocturnal memories had dissipated completely, into the ether! Grumph!

I mused over the airing rack at the medications and pondered over the best way to arrange things, so I do not forget to put the five, and four a day eye drops in. Then thought about a way – or tried to think about a way I can assure I’ll stop missing the evening medications. The thinking and planning lasted about 30 seconds.

Then I fetched the Chloramphenicol antibiotic eye drops from the fridge, and set about spraying the head, then the floor, next I squirted some in the actual eye. Hurrah! This bottle is not going to last the full two weeks!

Then, I did a lot better with the Carmellose eye drops, aim-wise… until I dropped the bottle. This bottle is not going to last the full two weeks either!

The temperature came out good!

The Boot’s Chinese made in Hong Kong Sphygmomanometer, gave another high reading of 160 for the SYS. I still can’t believe that three medical professionals told me on Sunday that the BP was just fine, one of them actually, said it was perfect?

Next, I had a guzzle of the Docusate, with a lot of water to follow. Took the medications from the pill-pots, this needed a bit of care, as the Carmellose drops were, as they always do, making my vision a bit blurry, it’ll pass though. Then gave Arthur Itis’s knees and Cartilage Cathy a good rubbing in of Phorpain Gel. Took  Dioctyl® capsule, and an extra Furosemide. When one gets on a bit, life gets more and more complicated! A bit of advice for the whippersnappers, if any are reading this, of course. Hehe!

A long job updating yesterdays blog, a very long one. My concentration had gone on strike! Finished it hours later and sent it off to WordPress. Pinterested some snaps. Then did some Facebook catching up. Replied to the torrent of messages and comments (both of them!)

Then I thought about the fodder situation. No doubt, I have lots of frozen stuff in, cleaners and tinned goods, apart from garden peas. Sainsbury’s have no slots until the new year, fair enough. Out of desperation, I went on the Morrison site, and they had a slot on Tuesday 5th January. I reluctantly made an order with them. I’m dreading the substitutions that might, well, are almost guaranteed with them, that they may plant on me, and short dates as well. I’ve ordered Chilli Beans, I may get spaghetti bolognese. Oxo cubes, likely to get Strawberry jam? Rankin Soda bread, what chances of these being subbed with Soda Water? Sterimar Nasal Hygiene Spray… the mind boggles at the thought of what they might substitute for that… A face-mask maybe? I talked myself into getting worried now! Hahaha!

Blimey, look at the time! I’d better get the ablutions done. Closed the computer to give it time to cool down, and off to the wet room – it turned out a long, harrowing visit:

Ablutionalisational & Ablutioning Report

  • As I got in the door, all stripped ready for action, (Terrible picture in ones mind prompting thing to say, sorry about that!) I needed to use the Porcelain Throne, got down and as nothing was moving evacuation-wise, (the innards were active though, suddenly it felt like a stew, or witches cauldron bubbling away?)
  • The crossword book was tackled, and I got a few answers before any activity began. (Well, apart from some lively escapages of wind, with the associated pongs)
  • It was like early last week, the torpedo (which I thought it was at the time, but it wasn’t) peeped out and stopped. Requiring my painful exertions to encourage things to get a trot on. (Hehe! – don’t know why I’m laughing!)
  • I slow, long evacuation. Hoo-Haa! Argh! Blobblecraps! Yikes! Gawd, that hurt! Of course, it didn’t bother me!
  • Upon rising, I discovered I was back to the solid little meatballs evacuation mode.
  • More blood than for several weeks. Shame that, cause I was doing well lately with this. Humph!
  •  The nasal-cleaning and clearing: Went well, no bleeding!
  • Teeth Cleaning: Nae bothers, whatsoever!
  • Shaving: Worra farce! I had SSS (Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley) shaking the __it out of me, and Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters failing, at the same time! The razors spent as much time on the floor, or the sink than in my hand! Schpugglebogs!
  • Shaving: Five little nicks that I know of.
  • Stubbed toe number two of the day, as I moved the chair and sock-glide to make room in the shower. It made me jump, but to a hero and Clint Eastwood lookalike as me, t’was nothing! (Sob!)
  • The Showering: It went as well as it has for months! Just the four dropsies. Great! 
  • I thought the marks left on the chest arms and legs from the hospital’s electrode stickers were bits of glue. But the nailbrush, loofah, soap, shower gel and elbow grease all failed to remove them? I later tried bleach, without any luck?
  • Doing the medicalisationing had its moments. The first cock-up was the worst (pain-wise). The Germoloid tube shot out of my hand, (SSS to blame!) and as so often, it hit the wall and fell behind water-closet. I got the picker upperer, put the specs on, leant down to reach the escaped tube, and hit my chin on the raised seat arm when my hand lost its grip on the metal bar! Nicodemus and his neurotransmitters were to blame for this one! I think I’ve knocked another lump of enamel off of the broken tooth now. Cragnaggles!
  • Harold’s Haemorrhoids were going through the grind with these hard evacuations, gave them some extra ointment this morning.
  • At least the blood vessel burst eye was looking a lot better now. Got the bob-cap on, then the PP’s, and into the main room to get dressed.

As I was putting the slipper on, I noticed how calm the ankle was looking again. I wonder if the usual ailments have noticed the new intruders, the eye and diabetes, and are taking it easy with me?

I’m known a soliloquist and believer in resistentialism, but now I’m talking to my ailments as it we’re friends? Well, I’m a right little anthropomorphizer!

Jentacular thoughts came to mind. I went to the kitchen to look in the overflowing fridge to see if I fancied anything in p[articular. Not-half! I made up a plate of mini-pork and pickle pies. A disc of Marmite cheese, black grapes, tomatoes, a pickled egg, and strawberry yoghourt. Took it with me to the computer, and had half-an-hour watching YouTube.

But, I got a wobbly carrying it, and dropped and broke the pot of strawberry blancmange or whatever it was. I can inform you though, that when thrown on the floor and trodden on, these desserts make a hell of a mess to clean-up! Humph! Mind you, it also cleans the faux-leather slippers, they came up an absolute treat!  I wonder what it would have snow to my stomach if I’d eaten it? Hahaha!

I got both of the drops put in the eye again. Well, when I say in the eye, that’s not exactly right… In the case of the keep-in-the-fridge Chloramphenicol one, most of it ran down my cheek, leaving a brown-yellow trail, and into my mouth, discolouring the moustache en route. This time the gooey Carmellose drops, virtually all of the first couple of squeezes ended up on my clothes or the floor. I said earlier; I don’t think these eye drops will last long!

However, despite these altercations. SSS, and N’s Neurotransmitters, the eye is looking much better now.

I did some more updating on the blog, and the GW (Great Weariness) arrived.

I couldn’t manage to get anything further to eat, Shaking Shaun visiting me now. Not that it mattered much, cause I wasn’t hungry anyway. The stomach started churning, and the passing of wind was getting regular. Oh, dearie me!

I managed to put some of  Chloramphenicol, and Carmellose eye drops in. Well, most of it ended up on the face, floor and in my mouth, after discolouring the moustache on its way down the face, to the mouth!

Took the medications. Then I got a bag of Frazzles and a pot of yoghourt, which I got down the gullet alright, but the Docusate medicine flavouring was not nice.

I had a wee-wee, a worryingly long and getting darker orange shade wee-wee. I settled in the £300, second-hand bought, c1968, sickeningly-beige-coloured, not-working, uncomfortable, rusty, rickety recliner, in search of sleep.

The wind escaping from the rear end continued in short bursts, and each time there was a mini-gurgle and or pain from the innards?

Summat else developing? Humph!

6 thoughts on “Inchcocks Integrable Dairy, Tue 22 Dec 20:

  1. Eye eye Captain! After thinking about why the medics in the ambulance would say your BP is perfect, I think they were hoping the old chap would knock off for making them miss their lunch break. Can’t think of any other sensible reason for thinking your BP was perfect. Self serving bastards. Soda bread is pretty good. Laurie used to make it. You are still looking pretty beat up with all your various colorations Meal looked decent enough. Anything good on YouTube?

    Liked by 1 person

    • BP; very confusing to me too, Tim.
      Top be honest, I can’t wait for the Soda Bread to arrive on Tuesday 5th January – but it is Morrisons we are talking about mate, the Substitution Specialists! I’ll likely get the bread substituted with pyklets like last time, or maybe soap powder, perhaps pickled walnuts?
      I watched some disaster documentaries while I ate my brekkers, Tim. Two of them, a big dipper accident, and car crashes.
      Cheers, Sir!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The eyes have it, as well as everywhere else that the eye drops dropped upon.
    Worra list o’ ablutionalities there — a compleat account from pate to podiatrical pair. What gives with the adhesives that keep on sticking, that laugh at solvents, that gets stickier…
    A cliffhanger:
    “The wind escaping from the rear end continued in short bursts, and each time there was a mini-gurgle and or pain from the innards?”
    Summat happening here, what it is ain’t exactly clear.
    But we’ll find out Wednesday…
    Staying tuned.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That made me smile, not an easy thing nowadays, well done Sir.

      Deferably one of my more, what’s the word..er, erm… worserer? Ablutionisationings.

      This morning, the passages of wind followed by longer gurgling sounds, and have me awaiting the need for the Throne, with a feeling of trepidation. (Is that the right word?) I think the innards are due to do something I won’t like?

      Taketh care. I fank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m thinking of this kind of trepidation:

        Hope that also made you smile, but of course, I didn’t sketch that. 🙂

        “I think the innards are due to do something I won’t like?”

        Exactly. This is the kind of trepidation I experienced when my intestines decided to connect to my bladder — They dropped partially digested detritus and gas when I “urinated”. I uttered some tepidational words as I recall. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • The bodily changes are no fun, Billum, mate. But, it is our fate! I thought I’d just state.

        Unplanned escapages – Argh!

        Is there a word for when you can’t stop thinking in poetry? I might have caught it.

        Merci, a smile it did bring,
        But the bowels are another thing,
        The pulled-back doeseth sting,
        The lesion bleeds, pain it does bring,
        I can no longer do the Highland Fling,
        My stutter stops as I try to sing,
        ♫Ava Maria, and My Ding-a-ling♫,
        I’ve had to stop aerobicising,
        It’s an odd feeling,
        I think the poo is congealing,
        Medicines should give it some cajoling,
        My confidence is begnawing,
        Which I’m currently ignoring!

        There you are, somebody must want to buy this crap wot I wrote, and make me belatedly famous? The Tate? Hehehe!

        Like

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