16/12/2023 – Inchie Today

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You… well, even I couldn’t believe the mess I got myself into with the computer today! I was so frustrated that a loathing of myself and a continually hounding at me with a horrendous amount of lousy luck flourished furiously. This did not help my already well, delicate, state of mind in the slightest bit.
I fear with all the repetitions of failures, I seem to be going into a deep, dank depression at some time, every day! Often more than once. Yet somehow, my very depression makes me sick, disgusted at getting depressed, this in some fashion, helps bring me out of them… until the next one comes. Which are now suffered diurnally.
How I wish a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or psychoanalyst, I’m not sure who could help or be willing to, would read these declarations.

THE COMPUTER HAS FROZEN AGAIN!

I”M GOING TO HAVE TO GET THE PHOTOS ON QUICK, CAUSE IT’LL GO AGAIN FOR SURE! SHIT!

No night bag, I forgot to ask the carer to put it on.

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Morning view.

Early nosh again.
Prepped.

I photographed the meal tray and the dark urine when I emptied the day dag into the jug. The state of the hallway floor before I cleaned, and afterwards. Also took a midday view shot… I did all of these without the SD card in Kodak Tim. Now I was really peeing myself off!

Put the card in and took this effort of the red sky.

When the computer went down for the first time, I tried to photo some of the screens that filled the screen… But they went off as I took the shot… talk about bad luck. Not that anyone can help if they see it, all very technical with no signs of what I had to do!

Opened the internet, Google.

Late afternoon delight.

The bottom field, lovely looking weather, no one around, which I found out of the ordinary.

A later shot of the sky and clouds.

THE COMPUTER HAS FROZEN AGAIN!.
I took these pages they meant, not a lot to me.

Washed the pots and cleaned the kitchen; now back on blogging and am going to finish & post this early.
While I can.

Depressed to Hell!
TTFN

Today, and were in harmony and became the main ailment aggressors for the day. For the second day. My mind was tormented like never before, and I thought Thursday was bad for concentration… today dwarfed the effects suffered yesterday. I was, well, still am, in another world almost.
At least I can bring myself to talk about it this morning. So, hopefully, the shoddiness of vagueness will ease a little bit today. But then again. If I can get through to next Thursday, I’ll remember to explain the out-of-it sensations I’m going through now.
That is, of course, if they ever end before I arrive at the Dementia meeting with the Doctor, I anticipate after the travelling (the lift has not been confirmed yet), so it may need bus and tram travelling to get each way, I’ll not be in a good state of mind or body, and forget everything I needed to remember to ask and inform of the medics.
A fantastically gigantically long Memory-Blank today, along with a few short ones. I can’t recall many carers’ visits, yet odd details and incidents are as clear as water. Most are foggy or absent altogether. I can’t recollect writing today’s ode, but reading it here baffled me a bit at first. Sorry again for the littleness of details.

Dark.

The blanks came on.
I came out of it with me having peeled, and I am now cutting up some potatoes to go in the oven later for the meal.
Then, I realised it needed doing now when I looked at my watch. So, I got them oiled and into the saucepan.
Served up and ate the off meal. I enjoyed it, I reckon, but not when I realised all the lost to-memory time.