Tag: Bit of a laugh

I can store stuff in there, like nibbles, out of site,

To retrieve them later, when I want a bite,

Usually, they are out of date by then, a mite,

Sell-by-date of Aug 1999, I found on the jar of Marmite!

_ _ _ _ _

I hid some cash in there once, but retrieved the fivers a little late,

By the time I remembered them, they were out-of-date,

I forgot some mandarins once, boy what a state,

Touched them and they crumbled, I had to wait…

While the flying dust landed and did abate,

I sneezed for ages without respite,

The dried mandarin dust flew, it gave me a fright,

I tripped over the Ottoman falling on the reading-light,

The injuries were painful, and the bleeding great,

The room looked like a flipping Bombsight!

 _ _ _ _ _

I went to retrieve a bottle of pop, the next night,

Dandelion & Burdock, if I remember right,

I struggled, but got it out of the Ottoman alright,

Then the cap shot off, hitting me in the eye,

I put on some antiseptic that made me cry,

I wondered how this happened, and why?

Then saw the price, that on the label did lie,

It didn’t really make any sense,

I/6d, yes, one and sixpence!

 _ _ _ _ _

But what does occur and almost every day or more often,

Is stubbing the toes on this Ottoman,

When I do this, my language is not like that of a churchman,

These words of warning of wot I’ve written,

If you have a mini-Ottoman

Sell it, throw it or give it to Oxfam,

Cause you’ll get yourself injured and fritten,

More painful than getting frostbitten!

 

It’s so hard to find steel-toe-capped slippers innit?

Just thought I’d mention it!

Written in Support of Suzies Podiatrist Services

Who I am currently Financing until I get rid of the Mini-Ottoman!

Insanity is his guiding light – Sad I know, but there you are!

I talk to and chastise myself,

How did I lose all of my wealth?

However, did I get like this, pale, achromaticity?

Memory has gone to pot, it’s such a pity,

I’ve lost my guile, drive and stealth.

_ _ _

My once slim body, now a flobby monstrosity,

Sometimes I find it hard to breathe,

At times I think it best if I pass-on with fugacity

I’d have liked to learn how to sew and weave,

I’ve always had too much sensuosity.

_ _ _

Life is getting filled with struggles and tortuosity,

I’ve never had sufficient tenacity or ferocity,

Now I’m losing my logic and synchronicity,

To be a good man, I have ever striven,

Passionate about nothing, never driven,

Alway tended towards showing sequacity.

_ _ _

Fell in love and lost her, a crying shame,

Heartbroken, but who should I blame,

Never again for me, the romance game,

Anyway, the ailment stopped that in its tracks,

Even tried fishing, but just caught sticklebacks,

Nothing left now to set me aflame!

_ _ _

That’s another thing, setting the cooker on fire,

Lifes desires are sinking into the Grimpen Mire,

Ah, Sherlock Holmes, his books were good,

I suppose I’ve become a Stuck-in-the-mud?

Ever since poor health and I did retire?

_ _ _

Even my thoughts confuse me, so much now,

Leaving me frustrated, baffled somehow,

Depression I used to disallow and disavow,

But not anymore, and that’s for sure,

No desire for wealth or pleasure to store,

But I still like my mug of tea and chow.

Now the blank spells have taken a grip,

Nae doubt for me it’ll soon be Toodle-pip,

Still, it’ll free me from the pains in the hip,

Arthur Itis, Anne Gyna, and the Enoxaparin,

I’ll no worry about me being fat and flabby, not thin,

Yes, I welcome the end, not to worry about losing my grip,

No fretting over the level of heparin!

_ _ _

Oh, hang on though, the A-Teams on telly tonight,

Now that’s put my mind in a plight,

I’d better take me tablets after all, whatever,

I love it when a plan comes together!

_ _ _

Hehehe! Cheers all!