Inchcock Today: Friday 24th October 2014

05 01

A lousy night, I kept waking up for the WC and worrying about me lack of graphicalisting prospects and me dying laptop.

Laid there thinking for hours – maybe I thought, I could go to thei could call computer shop in Sherwood, they advertised used laptops for sale. I could call when i go to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop perhaps, and see if they have a laptop for sale with Vista on it, and I could get the memory increased and RAM too – then I might be able to install my old Coreldraw9 on it? I decided to try for it. The prospect cheered me up for a bit… not for long… but for a bit.

0445hrs: I came down started the laptop and prayed, made a cuppa and got me medications taken.

05 b

Christmas lights up in Sherwood – notice the massive crowds out this morning?

Two people contacted me this morning on the Windows live thingamajig.Trev Baverstock me old mate who lives on the South coast with his rather attractive better half first. He suggested I go to PC world and get the details of laptops available with sufficient power to handle coreldraw – of course I can’t get a copy of the new Coreldraw anywhere? I said I’d would. And he offered to ask his brother if he would go with me to PC world so i don’t get conned again.

Can’t really afford either, but if I do go in that direction I think I might as well get the bigger memory one… of course I’ve changed me mind several times while typing this. Tsk!

Then a cyber-buddy from la France contacted me and asked for my phone number, he is going to ring me in the morning. I thought that was really nice of him.

05 04

Gloomy Nottingham this morning

I potted about trying to get Coreldraw to save a page, but without any luck. When I ry to save one it either freezes or turns itself off. Hard work.

I gave up and ablated missen and got the things ready fer the Hospice shop and set off on me walk into Sherwood.

As I passed the Computer shop on the other side of the road I noticed it had its shutter down – maybe it opens later me thought. I carried on to the Hospice shop, then crossed the road and walked back down to the Computer shop – still not open.

Ah well, I caught a bus into town.

05 02Taking another photo of the old BBC building they were knocking down.

Called in PC World and a half hearted youth pointed me in the direction on laptops strong enough. There were two: An Isus Intel Core i5 processor – 4GB ram at £500 and a Toshiba 8GB ram a6 £600 with the same processor. I’ll pass this on to Trevor later.

05 03Came out a bit dejected again and wandered into town, not many folk about yet. noticed they had started to put the Christmas lights up.

It was drizzling with rain and I took a picture of the Council House in the gloom for your perusal.

I remembered about the Alley Cafe 05 05and I said I’d try to get some photos of it – so I did.

The tiny entrance to the Alleyway, half-way up the Alleyway and the Cafe – it was Closed! (Huh!)

Then I had a brain-wave (Careful!) and called at three of the er… where they give you a loan and sell yer stuff 05 05bwhen can’t buy it back like… I’ve forgotten what they call them. Ah, one was called a Cash Converter. The first one opposite the Alleyway was asking £299 for their used Laptops, and they were not good spec either.

So I poddled to Exchange walk to the shop there, they were even dearer!

05 05cI walked to one on Upper Parliament Street and the same there, expensive crap me thought – so another idea I’d had gone to pot.

05 06c

No luck at the Computer shop then…

Ah thought I again, I’ll get the bus to Sherwood and try the Computer shop again. So I caught the bus to Sherwood and the Computer shop was still shuttered up?

Dejected once again I walked back to Carrington, just missing the rain as I got in the flea-pit.


Started the laptop, managed to get some graphics done before Coreldraw packed up on me again.

Updated this load of bol… by the way, did I mention that there was no blood from the ‘Inch’ again today? I’m desperately searching for some positives this week.

05 07

Looks like a spider dunnit? Ah well…

Blimey what’s that noise… hang on folks…

It is a police helicopter right above the street, I’ll take a photo of it if I can…

Hello, police cars now…

Ah well, it’ll keep the yobs away.

Inchcock’s Medical for the British Railway Job, and its findings

BR 02

Part of the Nottingham Lad’s True Tales of Woe Series

BR 01I’d applied for a job as a British Railways Goods Van Guard, and somehow got through the initial interview, possibly with my Dad’s guidance as he worked for them as a good delivery driver and had done for donkey’s years starting as a horse and dray goods delivery driver. He later moving to the articulated goods delivery Lorries.

But I always wanted to be a Goods Train Guard and nothing else really.

So excited I was sent to Derby Train Station to have my medical carried out there.

I arrived at the Station, locked my push-bike to a lamppost, found the Medical office easily enough, entered, showed them my appointment letter, and sat waiting to be called in to see the Doctor for my examination.

As I waited nervously, but with no fear that I would fail the examination at all, I glanced around seeing the notice on the wall telling us which Doctors were on duty that day…. they were Dr William Stroker, and Doctor Robin Banks.

I amused myself with thinking, that means I might get a Willie Stroker, or a bank BR 03robber doing my tests!

I hoped for the crook as a preference.

When the examination was about half way through the two hours they said it would take, I was placed in a darkened little room, with a stool, and a desk with a monitor and two push buttons on it. I was told that they would close the curtain, and each time a double beep emitted, I was to press the left button, and when a red light appeared on the screen, I was to press the right button!

It seemed simple enough to me.

He closed the curtains, and I sat in the darkness waiting for the red light to show up, or the double beep to sound… and waited… and waited… I jumped as the curtain swished open, and a perplexed looking doctor said; “Shall we try that again?”

I’d had no idea up until then that I needed spectacles, was colour blind, and required two hearing aids, or that I had a hernia!

I failed the medical for the job, and got a puncture on the way home.

I was shattered.

I often wonder how life might have been different if I’d got that job…

Inchcock’s Depressive Poorly Rhyming Outpourings

05 01

Here are a few thoughts the idiot has had this morning

When I was told Mother greeted my arrival with “Throw it in the Trent”,

That 3lb bundle of blood covered flesh had started life in torment,

That was the start of my enthusiasm and hopes rapid descent,

She’d keep running away and that cheered me up just a tad,

But I had to do the shopping cleaning and running after our Dad,


I didn’t mind because he was a firm but very fair man,

When Mother returned was when the stealing and hassle began.

I was bullied at school and Dad told me I had to fight back,

I lost so many teeth I didn’t have to worry about dental plaque.


To those at school education it was a mythical creature,

By those at school, I mean each and every teacher,

At about 6 I got thrown in the canal, always been afraid of water,

I’m sure when eventually rescued I was three inches shorter.


Left school at 14 as thick or thicker than a plank,

Met Big Ruth who was built like a pretty tank,

She taught me things that she called a prank,

After that I walked with a bit of a swank.


Mother got arrested and Dad moved house, I went into a lodging house,

There was a bloke lived there name of Peter Klaus,

Who introduced me to the local Home Ales House,

Where I would learn to give my liver a regular dowse.


Years of alcohol abuse followed, but many a happy time was had,

Eventually I realised that this was expensive and for my liver bad,

Of course I was still a seeking adventure young lad,

So I applied to join the Army and off to Aldershot, was I raving mad?

They threw me out for medically it was me liver, and that was sad.


When working in Security, I became their only officer to get shot.

No sick pay with them, I nearly ended up in a squat!

Made redundant years later, working for an employment agency,

They kept underpaying me wages, for the hours that I’d worked,

I left because I was angry annoyed and irked.


Haemarroids grew from me bottom end more than a bit,

The ticker-valve packed up, took em months to find it,

Arthritis in the hands and knees and then cancer I could spit,

Duodenal ulcer, hernia, two hearing aids, and high BP hit,

Then came a judicial writ.


They replaced me aorta valve with a mechanical one,

Then me reflux valve was sticking, the son of a gun,

My penis became enflamed and apparently rotting it would seem.

But they got it under control with the use of Dakacort cream.


No one visits me at home nowadays at all, don’t blame them though,

If you saw my hovel, it’s somewhere you wouldn’t want to go,

Depression is possibly the worst of my ailments you know,

Then the definite worst I suffered a day ago…

My laptop is dying and Coreldraw corrupted,

That is unquestionably the worst you know…

Inchcock Today: Thursday 23rd October 2014

04 Head

Unfortunately this feeling didn’t last long. So sad. Coreldraw still playing up and Inchy feeling down”

GC scowl

Well depressed Now!

0315hrs: The usual being shocked into waking-up experience again this morning – instantly wide awake accompanied by a feeling that something is wrong?


Thought straight away about what I could try to sort the Coreldraw not working problem out. Nothing new came to mind, depressed I wandered down and put the kettle on. Started the laptop and got the cream form the fridge and ent up to tend to the ‘Inch’. Oh dear… the swelling is still declining but the blood was flowing again! Thank heavens for kitchen towels. Stopped eventually.

Angina playing up and for the first time in ages my ulcer joined in with other complaints! Tsk!

I opened Coreldraw9 in vain hopes, and got the same message, whichever option I clicked, just like yesterday I got the Error message then it told me Coreldraw9 has stopped working. This time I tried clicking abort again – and it started and was usable for a while?

I am now going to close it and try again to see if still works…

“An unexpected Error occurred please restart Coreldraw” message when I tried to close it down?

It closed down on its own accord!

I tried again…

For some reason I can get passed the opening warning sometimes and not others. It will not let me save a page at all?

Double depressed now!

Still fiddling and trying to come up ith a solution – for five hours now with no luck!

Still fiddling and trying to come up with a solution – for five hours now with no luck!

I decided when the radio said it was not going to rain again until early evening, to get the stuff ready for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop and have a walk into Sherwood with it for em.

I went up cleansed myself well. Had a peep at the Inch to see if it had started to bleed again but no signs thankfully.


I set off hoping I’d not forgotten anything.

IMG_0177A new sign at the Chapel I espied:

Well fancy that… and I thought they were into Formula One racing. Hehehe. Oh I am feeling bitter and pissed off!

Still feeling low I carried on into Sherwood, the sky looked a bit threatening at this stage.

I called into the Continental food shop and got a small loaf of Rye bread. I thought it might cheer me up a bit – a totally forlorn hope of course. Then I realised I’d left all me coins in the bathroom so had to pay her with the tenner I had. Really cheered her up that did.

If looks could kill I’d be a gonna I can tell yer!

Only a new laptop with a graphic programme that works would do that. No chance at the moment. Clivey-boy suggested getting another graphics programme installed. Nice of him but the laptop is an old one running on old windows?

Anyway, I carried on to the Hospice shop and gave em me stuff.

As I was walking back the sky looked a bit lighter, but I didn’t feel any brighter.

IMG_0178Noticed the alcoholic mobility scooter maniac was at the pub again.

Hobbled along taking the scenic route and passed the flat I used to live in before moving to where I am now – Whatta mistake to maka! I was well happy there – but the landlord sold it to another and he wanted more rent than me mortgage was.

See how when things go wrong I start stewing on things? Poor twit.

I got back in the flea-pit.


Started the laptop, got me food out ready for microwaving later, made a cuppa and got me medications ready, then updated this.

Gawd I’m depressed.

Arghh!!!! In’t life ‘orrible at times!

Inchcock Today: Wed 22nd Oct 2014

02 04

But got a lot happier – Then he sadly and unfortunately became quiet a lot sadder as the day and his Coreldraw programme came to a bitter end!

Warning: Descriptive revelations of medical problems and applications follow in the diary. I Thank you.

Sprang awake at about 0240hrs – this time I realised why from the pain from rear-end haemorrhoids – I think I blew myself awake with a violent emission of wind from me anus and the pain woke me up – the aroma wasn’t very relaxing either?

I was down drinking a cuppa and on the laptop by 0250hrs. Then AVG decided it had to update – at 0400hrs it had finished updating!

Still, it gave me time to concentrate on me ‘Inch’ medicationalising. Hehe! Only the tinniest amount of blood this morning and the swelling has gone down – a pity in some ways I suppose I enjoyed that bit of extra girth while it lasted even if it was so painful.


0430hrs: Got yesterdays diary finished and posted, took me morning medications, passed wind (I haven’t stopped since I got up – but this was a serious contender for being classifiedas volcanic!) painfully and felt the warm wet sensation within seconds form me rear end. Went up and cleaned myself, applied extra cream.

The doctor did try me on the capsule thingies a while back, but I just could not get em to stay in, so I manage with the PKs and cream.

Blooming cold today.

Waiting in for me food delivery then going to go to town and see if I can get Blood Red Snow from the library or book shop if necessary. I’ll take me camera just in case owt interesting occurs. Mind you, they are pulling down the old BBC building over the next three days, the Vic Centre bus station is closed, might get a photo of that if I can get to see it when I hobble passed. Bet that causing a few frayed tempers and mucho congestion.

Morrison’s van driver just rang – he’s going to be late. Trees blown down on the A453 and an accident. Ah well, not his fault but annoying. I hope I can still get into town cause I need me little walks to encourage the ticket to keep going a bit longer and I really would like to find and read that book.


The Mail man commeth.

0303Letter from bank about me insurance – Letter from Inland Revenue with a little cheque returned from me tax overpayment and five leaflets for nothing I’m interested in.

Set off for a walk into town and took some nibbles for Mandy at the launderette and the staff at the chemists, dropping them off as I passed them. Mandy liked her lollies.

0304I noticed how the Nottingham In Bloom display was getting better. Hehehe!

Tiny bit of drizzle and the wind had died down a touch.

When I got to where they are demolishing the old BBC building I remembered to take a couple of photo’s.

0304aI plodded on through a busy city centre in places and seemingly abandoned in others?

Got to the bank where the queues were horrendous. Being late thanks to Morrison’s (Not their fault really though) meant it was lunch time when I arrived.

A very nice lady told me to take a seat and she would be with me shortly as i was at the end of the queue?

I suppose it was me dynamic masculine looks and young body that made her help me. (Cough cough!)

She banked me tax cheque and told me about the insurance and to come back to see them when it was due again.

I like this being been nice to lark I can tell yer!

Then when I mentioned I had a Penny Bank account from 1963 that I could not access, she told she had been trying for her own customers without luck. When I mentioned the thought of appealing to the European Human Rights people – she only went on the interneat and got me the address, then printed out out a complaint form for me to use, then gave me an addressed stamped envelope to use, and then thanked me! Blimey!

Mind you she wasn’t a Nottingham gal, she wus from Manchester and commuted each day to Nottingham as she was relieving someone on holiday! Nice girl too.

Cheered up, I poddled through the town centre and went to the library and limped up to the third floor to ask if they had the Blood Red Snow book in. Another very nice lady had a look on her computer and told me they could get it from another branch for only a 45p charge and they would send me an email when it arrived!

By jimminee what a good day I was having.

I wobbled back through the town, traffic busy mind.

As I was walking down to the town, a youth banged into me as he joined his mates. Never said a word he didn’t, I don’t think he knew what he’s done actually.

And then as I crossed the slab square just in time to take a photo of it: There was a British Gas van parked with signs ‘Can We Help You’ and some tables and chairs at the side of the van, the chap there hiding in the van cause it was sprinkling with rain. I got there just as the traffic warden was giving him a ticket! Made my day British Gas being got at I assure you!


I plodded up to catch a bus, but unfortunately it started to belt down, so I dived into the Waitrose shop – fatal spending-wise that for me! But I only got some Greek style lemon mousse, so it wasn’t too bad.

Rain stopped as I left and caught the bus back to the demolition area.

Saw a couple of youths idling along looking at each car they passed suspiciously. Both wearing black hoodies.

Got in and started the laptop and made a cuppa, went to the WC put me bags away and returned to the laptop which still hand not loaded, so I waited.

Tried to download me pictures to Coreldraw9 but it froze. So I closed it and tried to open it again – all sorts of warning messages were coming on screen again when it froze again. Oh dear… I knew this was coming, the end of my graphicalistioning!

Luckily I think I can get to picture taken today before Coreldraw9 packed up.

I turned off the laptop and tried again – No!

So I turned it off and restarted again and uninstalled all Coreldraw things. And it told me to complete the uninstall I had to restart the laptop – Again! So I did.

Reinstalled Coreldraw9 again – then it told me it needed a computer restart to complete the DAB whatever that is.

So I restarted it once again.

All this must ahve taken two hours.

When I tried, Coreldraw9 stopped working again.

I tried again to run Coreldraw…

I can no longer do any graphics at all.

I am trying not to swear here.

I am so down now. At least I can get photo’s from me camera onto me blog, of course I can’t create any noe or doctor them… Huh!

Inchcock Today: Tues 21st October 2014

02 01

Phoaw… he’s not kidding either! Windy wet weather as well!

Last night I had a supper of great proportions – the night was sprinkled with wind of great proportions!


I sprang awake again, but this time at 0130hrs and laid there until 0430hrs trying to nod off again, listening to the howling winds outside and those from within too.

 I raised myself up and poddled down to put the kettle on, take my medications with a cuppa, WC and tended to the ’Inch’… with no bleeding at all! Nice that, and not so tender either! Things are looking up in that department then.


Laptop on to start this diary and listening still to the wind outside and inside.

I’d done a post for Inchcock blog – not a good one, indeed probably one of me worst. But I persevered and did some graphics to go with it and posted it, the then did a bit of Facebooking.


Of upstairs an got the laundry togs ready in bag and went off to the launderette in the wind and drizzle. (There’s stopping me yer know…)

02 02Mandy on duty, Big John already there doing three machines worth of cleaning.

After I’d got the drier going, I nipped up to the GP surgery and asked to book an appointment with the GP.

The receptionist said if I waited she’d (the GP) got a free space in a while.

When I got on to see her about me ribs sticking out and me losing weight, she weighed me and told me I was the same weight as last time they weighed me. I did feel a fool!

Back to the launderette and had a natter with BJ and Mandy… well more BJ and Mandy with me listening in really.

Hobbled back to the dump-site and got the things for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop and set off on a walk into Sherwood with them: I got about quarter of the way there and the heavens opened and the rain lashed down in the high winds and I was soaked within seconds. Tsk!

Turned round back to the flea-pit and took all me togs off and changed into dry ones.


02 03Started the laptop made a cuppa did this update. 

I peeped out if the door to take photo of the horrendous rain – realising afterwards that I didn’t have the memory card in the phone!

So I took a photo of when the rain had stopped.

Notice no signs of yobs about – I like that!

Waited an hour and the sun has come out now. I’ll risk trying to go to the Nottingham Hospice shop aga… what am I thinking. I’ll stay in.

Did a bit more graphicalisationing to use later.

02 06Feeling guilty now and it’s brightened up a bit so I’ll attempt to go to the Hospice shop again.


Took a walk into Sherwood to the Hospice Shop with me donations.

I hobbled through a different route to Mansfield Road, taking a picture of an 02 07old Bedford CA van (I think it was the CA model) parked in its usual spot. It looked handsome to me with the leaves scattered all around it, very picturesque I thought.

Traffic in Sherwood was bit heavy. Not that it bothers me so much nowadays since they took away my driving licence. Mind you, the number of times I fall asleep in the most unexpected 02 08times and places, I can’t blame em, safety first eh? The OAP bus-pass is most welcomed used and appreciated by me!

On the walk back the wind was blowing leaves and detritus all over the place and I began to regret going out after all when I got something in me eye that I can still feel now.

02 05I noticed that the boozing mobility scooter drivers at the pub was down to one instead of three today… the weather must be bad to keep those dangerous alcoholics away from the pub.

When I got back to the bomb-site I noticed there were no birds about, another indication of the rotten weather? There were none of the many cats around either.

Well tired when I got in, WC made me nosh and off to kip.

Friendly Aliens Land on Earth – to save those rare & ‘at-risk’ of our species

It can now be revealed – that Aliens have indeed landed on earth on the 7th June 2014, at Scarce-Crumpet Village, in Nottinghamshire, UK.


AL01The aliens, friendly in nature, declared their intention of saving earth species at risk of extermination. Although too late to save the Dodo and others species long gone from earth, they first met and informed the Nottingham City Council Litter Picker, Juan Inchcock 69, who they met in the municipal latrines of the Crankmore Cemetery, of the intended species they wanted to save for posterity when the humankind kills itself off in 2017, and keep them in a museum on their planet. As an example to their own species of how to self destruct without trying.

* The 3 Honest Politicians left on earth. (Now two actually as one of them joined the others since the list was compiled and fiddled her expenses)

* The Lib-Dem Party of the UK, and its 14 supporters. (Although they were a tad concerned that they may infect their own species with the madness rampant within the Cleggite supporters, so decided to take and preserve them in suspended animation, which of course is their usual state.)

* The honest lawyer who lives in Outer Mongolia.

* Both of the honest car mechanics in the UK. (Especially the one in Nottingham who actually checked all the required features of the MOT and did not ‘invent’ any faults and was sent to Coventry by his colleagues)

* All of the five police officers who actually go on patrol in Nottingham. . (But with cuddly Cameron’s further cuts this was now down to three)

* All three of the English footballers who can pass a ball. (But especially the one who can pass a ball accurately.)

* The dentist who did not enjoy in 1975, causing pain to a patient.

* The plumber who did not overcharge a pensioner in October 2011.

* Both Roofers who actually repaired a roof.

 The Aliens showed their great regret at being too late to save any Honest Estate Agents, Taxi drivers, or Security Guards, as all were already extinct on earth now.

Mr Inchcock passed on the message to the Nottingham Constabulary, who promptly arrested him and sent him to the Happy House Asylum.

Inchcock Today: Monday 20th October 2014


01 01

Up wide awake at 0240hrs. WC.

Decided to get up anyway because I wanted to get me LOMM posts done before I go out on me medicalisationing visits.

03W02Laptop and me, still sluggish.

Cuppa and took medications too early really but still I took em.

Did a lot of graphic work and did some posts, despite my shaky fingers this morning.

Good job I did gerrup really early, cause it took me five hours to gerrum done!

I think I remembered to take me medications?

Brother-in-law Pete rang up, said he was sorry he’d not called for ages but had been busy and kept forgetting to.

Well, I can apprehend, sympathise and identify with that, no problem I told him.

Sad innit?

Got myself prettied up and tidy, put the cream on me ‘Inch’, only a tiny spot of blood and I think the redness and swelling is going down too – good stuff. (Many a word eh?)

01 02Set off, deciding to walk to town due to the wind and rain, to the bus stop – got about 300 yards and realised I’d forgotten me Anticoagulant therapy record card, so went back and collected it – just as well really, I’d forgotten to shut down the laptop. Silver lining? Tsk!

Got into town, the rain has lessened a 01 03bit, and caught bus out to the Queens Medical Centre, hobbled up the for flights of stairs as it appeared only one of the lifts were working and the queues for it were enormous!

In and out of the clinic within 15 minutes and back down to the ground floor haematology dept. Hell of a crowd waiting. My own fault for not going earlier really.

Took a ticket and got a free Metro newspaper, filled in me record form in advance and read the paper for the hour or so until my number was called.

Only two nurses working and they looked displeased bless them. Got done and gave 01 05em some nibbles that cheered em up a tad.

Out into the rain and wind once more to catch a bus back into the City.

I called Tesco in Victoria Centre and got some cheesey seaweed, a loaf, and some iced lollies. Well why not.

Came out and walked through Trinity Square’s new Food Plaza – couldn’t see anyone inside any of the expensive fooderies at all. Even the pigeons and the Big Issue seller were missing. I wondered if David Cameron knew about this? (Hehe)

01 06Poodled down to the bus stop and caught the bus back to Carrington dropped off as the rain was easing again.

Got in the hovel and WC, then put the kettle on.

I didn’t know if i should mention this, but decided to: As I went upstairs I felt a tiny ‘Plup’ as a minuscule amount of air was released from my rear end – Cor Blimey! It seemed the fowl aroma filled the entire house! Never had that before, and don’t want it again. Erugh! Nearly gassed missen!

Updated this tripe.

The sudden weariness came over me again, so I thought get some nosh and off to kip Young Inchy. (Young Inchy I ask you Young Inchy… the things I come out with. hehehe!)

Sat/Sun 18th/20th – October 2014


Gawd knows how he’s still going, it beats me!

Saturday 18th October

Up at 0400hrs, awaking with a start again?


Cold this morning.

Got down and started laptop, kettle on and got the Daktacort cream out of the fridge and gingerly treated ‘Tender Inch’ – who I think was not so tender as he has been! But then again, this morning I didn’t wake up with the usually excited ‘Inch’. Very little blood at the moment… good eh?

I spent many hours on the Internet: Facebooking, League of Mental Mening, Troll Free Zoning and emailing. And jolly well enjoyed it too.

Also got some graphics done for later and few posted – and Coreldraw9 (up until now anyway) has only crashed once! Brilliant.

Going to have Cottage pie and sausages with bread dipped in for tonight’s nosh. Followed my further nibbles no doubt and Iced lollies? I’ll stop the weight dropping off somehow.

Big John phoned earlier, he can’t get to the World Wars exhibition at the Papplewick Pumping Station today, but might be going tomorrow and will pick me up on the way if he does go. Nice of him I thought, decent chap. I must remember to get me camera ready if we do go. I still find myself wanting to check that I’ve got enough film yer know – sad, but age permits a little eccentricity surely?

I want to get to the Alley shop in Nottingham city centre this week coming to take some photo’s and maybe try the nosh there.

Sandra from Troll Free Zone advised me to clear my cookies to try and cure the slowness of me laptop. Took me ages to fins put how to do it, but I got there in the end.

Of course I could not get into Facebook, WordPress, Google blog or owt else without signing in again… a few hours spent there trying to remember/find me passwords etc. Tsk! Wait till I try to get on the other sites… oh dear!

Bit of a set-back in the ‘Inch’ healing stakes, rather a lot of bleeding when I doctored the little mite tonight. But not so painful though.


Well he hope he is anyway – he’s like a little child bless him!

Sunday 19th October 2014

Bad night, kept waking up in semi-panics but have no idea why? Did this about four times I think. Weird and uncomfortable that?

Got up WC’d and came down thinking it was about 0200hrs and realised it was already time for me morning medications 0455hrs!

Maybe it was because I was excited about going out to Papplewick Pumping station exhibition with Big John later? He said he will pick me up around 1200hrs. Must get me things ready soon so I don’t forget later.

Made cuppa and took me medications then set about treating tiddly ‘Inch’. Only a little blood this morning, but the stinging was enough to make me cringe a tad.

Laptop started relatively quickly this morning – but when I tried to open word it took a long time to open and then with a post on it I did months ago? Then Chrome took even longer to open.

The angina is not so bad today at the moment, but I have developed stomach aches of a rather intense nature: I hope this does not stop me going on me trip out?

0703Big John came at 1310hrs to pick me up, then we collected Big David from is flat and we set off to Papplewick.

Apart from the wind and drizzle I had a good time wandering taking piccies and chatting to people.


Towards the end I was getting weary aching and tired. But so glad I went.

When BJ dropped me off, I was only capable of tajong me medications and getting my head down. I forgot to treat my ‘Inch’ with the cream!

Inchcock’s Status:

Tired weary but content.


Arboretum Pond-side Cafe – Under New Management


The Original Arboretum Pond-side Cafe

Juan Inchcock, retired Gas Lamp Light Wick Trimmer and Ace unpaid reporter for the WordPress Gazette brings you all the details of this fascinating move in management of the Arboretum Pond-side Cafe.

The Pond-side Cafe situated in the picturesque crime ridden Nottingham Arboretum has been bought out by the waitress Shirley Makeyouache.

This transaction was prompted by the three owners no longer being able to give the time to the business that they would have liked.

Mr Gaz-tops is investing his time in writing his first book ‘My Part in the Great Train Robbery and the Brink’s Affair’.

Mr Clivey-boy was unavailable for comment when we tried to approach him, but the desk officer expected him to released on bail later that day.

Mr Churchy is to devote more of his time a volunteer care worker at the ‘Guidance for Young Ladies Institute’.

Mr Steeden has decided to stand for Parliament as an independent under the banner of ‘If yer can’t beat em, join em campaign.’ We understand he is using what monies raised in the sale to buy poison gas and armaments?

We found Ms Makeyouache at the local boys youth club where she is a part-time volunteer ‘Prospects Potential Assessor’ for the lads. She granted us an interview:

Juan: “Good morning Ms Makeyouache, could you tell us about how this change in ownership and management came about please?”


Ms Makeyouache

Ms Makeyouache put down the young lad she was assessing and replied: “Yes, when I was the part-time waitress there I always thought that the bosses were not fully committed to the enterprise. Every day they had deliveries from unmarked white transit vans by drivers with nervous ticks. The goods they were bringing were in large plastic bags of white powder. I was unsure if it was salt or sugar. When they got me weighing out half ounces and putting it in little bags, I knew something was amiss. Naturally I breathed in some of the powder and I liked it.”

Juan: “Was this drugs then?”

Ms Makeyouache: “Who cared?”

Juan: “I see?”

Ms Makeyouache: “I started slipping a bit of the stuff away fer meself like, and it soon added up. Then I flogged it off cheaper than wot that lot were doin’ like see?”

Juan: “You seem to be changing into using a local Nottingham accent Ms Makeyouache?”

Ms Makeyouache: “Sorry about that, it’s the lads at the club you know… I pick up no end of stuff from them!”

She looked Juan up and down and smiled at him, then continued: “You’ve got to blend in. Anyroad… I mean anyway, I decided that it was wrong of me to sell these abdominal drugs and with the cash I’d raised I bought them out and got control of the Cafe.”

Juan: “So, what changes are you planning on Ms Makeyouache?”

Ms Makeyouache: “A few new recipes on the menu of course can be expected with extra.. er salt and sugar perhaps?” She gave a knowing look at Juan and asked him if he had considered working in a cafe, because there could be several benefits for him!


CCTV snip of the altercation

She loosened her tank-top and broke into a smile a man could have died for than added: “Well? Answer me you nelly faced burke!”

Juan stammered out something about having to leave. After he apologised Ms Makeyouache lowered him back to the floor and released her hold on his neck.

An altercation ensued.

A one sided altercation ensued.

Juan passed out and an ambulance was called for.

More to follow when they release Juan from the hospital.