Tag: Humour

Tuesday 7th April 2020

Malagasy: Alatsinainy 7 April 2020

01:10hrs: I awoke, unmoving I lay there, distorted, half-hanging out of the £300, c1968, rickety-recliner, and recognised that I seemed to be in an accepting, open-minded, philosophical frame of mine. There was no defeatist, wallowing in self-pity, or even a sign of depression? Mind you, I wasn’t exactly cheerful, either. I moved my humungous-bellied body into a safe position to clamber out of the recliner, I caught my balance, grabbed the wooden stick, and made my way to the wet room for a wee-wee. Which was one of the reluctant USBUYWS (Ultra-Slow-But-Uncontrollable-Yet-Weak-Sprinkly) ones?

It took me so long, I needed the Porcelain Throne half-way through. And it was no mean-feat to reposition things to do that, without having an Accifauxpas! But I managed it, with the minimum soupçon of wayward sprinkling. The mystery bruise in the leg is lingering.

The evacuation was not an easy one. Thankfully a swift effort, that was hurtful, aromatically challenged and bloody! Little Inchies fungal lesion had been leaking a bit too. A good clean up and a spot of medicalisationing here and there, and I was off to the kitchen! Olive-oiled the ear-holes

Got the kettle on, took the medications and took an extra pain-killer because the toothache was kicking off again. Made a brew. I noticed the moon was out and took these shots with the Sony camera, I did take others, but they didn’t come out too well.

The last shot was taking in Nightime Panorama mode. Thus, the plane’s trail and clouds can be seen. I liked that one. Smug Mode Adopted!

I got onto the computer. An Email from Iceland confirmed the arrival of some food this morning.

No substitutes at all. But the Shortbread Fingers, Cheese & Onion Smash, 1-litre full milk, leeks, Cheese, and Bread Thins were cancelled. But I expected things to be worse. So, well done Iceland!

I was about to make a start on the blog updating for yesterday, and I had a coughing bout like never before. But it was a short-lived event, so I don’t think it was connected to the damned Coronavirus. A bit of a sore throat is developing too.

I had a look to see if Amazon had any of the Leicester or STiltom mini-cheddars on offer fro me to buy. Ha! Packets of 5-Stilton and Leicester flavours were nearly £7 for three! A bit too steep that price, even if I do like them, but not that much! However, with the Warfarin alert wristlet breaking yesterday, I ordered another one.

I got the post updated at last and went to get the ablutions tended to, not realising how late it was. It was a rushed half-hearted affair, no shaving, as I had to get it done before the Iceland delivery arrived. I’m glad that I did now cause the delivery man comes within minutes. He left them outside the door, sensibly!

I was getting then inside, when the two, I say Two, Phlebotomy nurses arrived. Hristina and a trainee nurse who had been transferred from another section.

I found myself struggling to breathe correctly. Now that can be put down to Coronavirus! Worried me a bit. The ladies soon got me done and were shooting off to their next patient, in a hurray!

I forgot all about the delivery I’d had delivered, and I got the handwashing done, wrung and hung.  Humph!

Before sorting things out, I took a moment to think through how things were going. The coughing. Breathing in a laboured fashion. The toothache getting no easier. Stuttering Stephany whenever I spoke to anyone? Headache coming on. I felt, well, I knew that Shaking Shaun was beginning to develop. A feeling forboding frequented the brain? It looks like being another busy day.

I got the Iceland delivery sorted out and the things I’d got in thanks for Jenny, were put in a bag, other than those that I needed to remember from the fridge.

I made a brew of Glengettie Gold tea, then back on the computer. For about ten minutes, then the intercom buzzed again. It was the Amazon man with some of the outstanding delivery items for me. Two cartons worth!

I carried the bag of nuts into the kitchen, to get them in pots with lids… and left a trail of nuts on the carpet behind me! Yes, the bag had a hole in it! Mostest agravannoying. Well, that, changed me back into the feeling sorry myself, the wingeing old fart I was yesterday, in an instant! Neuroticisms!

I got things sorted out, but not very willingly or pleasantly! It took all of my spare lidded storage pots to get all the nuts packed away. Still, I must ask Jenny if she’s like any. They were bought to share, after all!

I emailed Jenny. She came down to collect the treats, but I forgot to mention the cashew nuts.

Jenny Emailed back mentioning the nuts. I asked her if she fancied a pot. But she didn’t. Humph! She told me to Email her if I wanted anything adding to her Sunday delivery from Sainsbury’s. That was kind. She also gave me her telephone number that I had lost. Along with all the others, when I swapped the sim into the old phone mobile) that I now use.

I rang her and asked if she would put some items that Iceland had not got on her order. Despite my not paying her yet for the last one, she agreed. She also said I should get a taxi into Sherwood, and tell the driver to wait for me, while I get some money from the ATM, and perhaps I can do some shopping at the Co-op. Then come straight back to the flats. I think she noted a certain reluctance in my stuttering voice. She offered to arrange a taxi for me when I get over this week and all the deliveries I have to wait in for. Bless her cotton socks.

There are few I’m waiting for this week. But of course, the dates keep changing. And I am getting more and more confused. Haha!

But and however, I pressed on with this post. In the knowledge that I now have some smoked bacon to eat, with bread and baked beans! Mmm!

I realised that the Golden Volunteer and the Nottingham City Council helpers, who said they would get in touch had not done so. Just like yesterday. Best if I give up on their kind help, it’s not coming methinks. They must be up to their eyeholes-busy anyway. And with my getting an order in, and with Jenny’s help, I can manage for a while. So much for the emergency food package. They need details anyway that I can’t give. Because getting an order in for delivery, doesn’t always mature. The Morrison order I got in three weeks ago, is not due for a fortnight yet! And then, there are missing items and substitutes. A good job I’m on the ‘At-Risk register’, or I’d get no help at all. Mind you, I’m not getting any anyway, come think of it! Hahaha! 

I got the bacon pack split, into the oven, and warmed the baked beans up. Thinking I’d try some of the Hickory in the haricots… Oh, dearie me! The inner sealer in the bottle cap came out and stuck on the bottle-top, so unthinkingly I tapped the bottle, and a third of the hickory shot into the beans before I could stop it! Ah, well! I’ll soon find out if this hickory is stronger than the last one. Hahaha!

Another daft idea. I thought I’d but what few mini-cheese biscuits I had left, in a pot. I opened the individual packets, and while I was pouring them in, Nicodemus’s Neurotransmitters failed! I had crumbs all over the kitchen floor to painfully clean up! Inchyangulations! Time was lost, and the bacon was ready!

  I turned down the oven heat and got the pot filled. I put some of the medications on top of it, intending to add the others later, and got the meal served up.

I tried some of the beans while getting them in the dish. I can assure you, this ‘Stubbs’ brand of hickory, is no stronger than the other one. Despite my accidentally pouring about a pound’s worth; a third of a bottle of the cat-wazz sauce, I could barely taste it! Grumpworthinesses! I washed the Hickory-sticky covered saucepan straight after emptying it.

That really put the mockers on the meal! The Iceland brand so-called smoked back bacon was so chewy, bland, watery and tasteless. What I thought was going to be a right-good-treat of a meal, was insipid and disappointing! So very Agravannoying! It looked super as well! Humph!

I took the tray and things to the kitchen, thinking I might get the handwashing done. But No! Which pillock had left the hot water tap running to get cold? I good job I washed the saucepan earlier! Schlub!

Another bad end-of-day for me. I should have known, with my waking up in such… well, an almost contented mood! No promised calls or contact from the Golden Volunteers or the Nottingham City Council about any help. Nicodemus’s timings do deactivate the nerve ends were all timed to cause me grief and bother. A continual string of information advice and details ensured I spent the day confused. I’m not coping very well. Thank heavens for Jenny’s input.

A highly-strung, frustrated and dithering Inchcock settled in his recliner, but an old DVD on, ‘Taken’ to watch. The thought storms tool over the brain. The unwatched film came to an end, and the storming was still there. Sleep was out of the question for hours. Well after the mind had settled, and went into a sort of vaguing session.

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit! I certainly ain’t! Grobblecurses!