Unheard of Inchcock Symptoms Disclosed!
Medical experts and fellow bloggers today found out that Inchcock was showing signs of Contentment this morning.
A stand-by rapid response team was despatched to his flat on the 12th floor in Nottingham post haste. Led by Duncan Robertson head of the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Union.
Unfortunately the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Union’s Riot Controller Gaz Hoadley (22) could not respond with the team due to his return home from his holiday in New York being delayed by unforeseen circumstances.
The team, all worried about Inchcock’s attack of Contentment were soon on the scene.
Inchcock Gazette reporter Kentucky Angel interviewed Duncan as the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists were preparing themselves to enter Inchcock’s premises: She asked him why it was taking so long to gain entry?
“There are so many dangers in their Angel. Many unknown to those not within the bloggers circle – we must protect ourselves from diseases not commonly encountered and obstacles within the premises, I know I been in there! also to avoid catching anything ourselves…”
“What do you mean?”
Well we have make sure me know where his walking stick and three grabbers are located to avoid falling over them you see.
Also we must know where his medications, and used pads, bandages and elastica are stored.
And, we are sure of his current condition you see… if he’s come back to his usual depressed, moronic, not knowing what’s going on condition there will be no worries or need for us to offer assistance – but if he’s still on a high and showing signs of fitness, healthiness or happiness then we are in trouble and may lose him altogether I’m afraid. His metabolism and brain are just not used to contentment or optimism, I’m sure he could not cope with any of these emotions unless of course they are drug induced..”
At this Duncan passed the supply of DDT to Rachel Carerra (18¼) the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists Accountant & Massage Specialist she quoted; “This could be dangerous, but Inchcock by being the crappiest, worst pathetic blogger of all time in a round about way supports and improves the standing of all of our members and other satirists you see. So we’d sooner he didn’t snuff it yet, until we find someone as bad as him to take over the mantle – and of course he still owes £20,450.26 to our bookkeeper and vehicle acquirement officer Danny Soz (19¾) who is here with as much if not more concern for the lad Inchcock (79).”
At this Danny Soz chipped in: “I care about the imbecile more than most do. And what would Lidl and the NHS do without him?” He rolled a Golden Virginia fag in a an MOT certificate and continued: “His fading with age short-term memory has been a boost the to Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionist’s bank balance. The missus would surely miss him if he has another heart attack trying to cope with the excitement any unnatural to him feeling of contentment, enthusiasm, fulfilment or pleasure… we stop this at all costs, especially the costs to my bank balance…” At this he coughed on his roll-up, took a swig from his absinthe flask and asked where the hell was Shirley Blamey (Not saying, Social Events Secretary) and Mike Steedenski (24 Health advisor) anyway? Do they not care about fellow blogger Inchcock? (Fellow members of the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists) Rachel Carerra explained that both of them were commandeering essential supplies for the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists squad, and she was concerned for his safety.
She then questioned the absence of the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionist’s (Music Director and Supermom Marissa Bergen 16½,)
It transpired that she was last seen at Newcastle airport. However they did receive a message from the Northumbria Police that he had been released on bail and her methadone had been returned to her.
We understand that the Prime Minister has been informed along with Interpol and the NHS Psychiatric Unit. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has since contacted Minister of Works & Pensions Ian Duncan Smith to see if anything could be done about avoiding the news of this Inchcock phenomenon getting out onto the web.
Just in from the Nottingham Perverts Monthly.
Inchcock was seen this evening outside of a ladies shop ogling at the headless models in the window. In the rain, looking miserable and with odd socks on.
So, all back to normal then?
Well… Thank heavens for that!