Satire – Page 63 – Inchie Today

Inchcock Today – Fri 8 Apr 16: The Missing Panic Alarm Wristlet puzzle solved – Then another Whoopsiedangleplop!

Friday 8th April 2016

I woke around 0100hrs and had yet another search for the missing Alarm wristlet, without any success.

Gave up, nodded off, and sprang awake again at 0305hrs, convinced I knew where the wristlet might just be found; In one of the pockets of the coats hanging in the hallway?

No, not there either.

Fretting now, that I’d have to report this loss to the Nottingham City Homes Control and the flats Coordinator Dean Walker and have to pay for a replacement and make myself look a right clot into the bargain!

I looked in all the places I’d already searched last night, without any luck again.

So, depressed and defeated, I accepted the situation and resigned myself to a day of crawling and being red faced was to follow.

I attended the throne for the morning efforts, made a cup of tea, and booted the laptop into action.

While making the graphic above, I’d hoped to get some inspiration of somewhere I might not have looked yet? As I moved the camera to get to the SD card in the slot… Yes, there it was, right in front of me underneath the camera carrier – where I was sat when I first realised it was missing!

The velcro on the band had attached itself to the velcro on the camera case, so when I first moved the case to look under it for the wristlet, it moved with it. Both being black didn’t help?

Words fail me here! Hang on, I’ve found a few… better not type them in, though!

Took the medications, but the expected joy at discovering the alarm was not there – it was overshadowed I think, by the feelings of inadequacy and contempt with myself that I felt.

The disdain I was feeling toward myself wasn’t helped, when I went to make another cuppa, in semi-celebration of finding the thing and dropped the milk as I took it out of the fridge!

On a right downer now! The feeling is hard to describe and rather esoteric.

Still, neither Little Inchy or Hame Aroids were bleeding at all, and the view from the kitchen window, all the twinkling lights gave me something else to concentrate on. Why do the street lights appear twinkling some mornings, and static on others? Just another pointless, banal thought that popped into my head like. Tsk!

Took a bath and did my ablutions, then got the dirty washing ready and took it down with me to the Laundry Room. I met Olive from number 84 as she was on her way down to the laundry room. I like Olive, sweet lady struggles with arthritis but never complains bless her. We had a natter on the way down in the lift.

Received a letter from Nottingham City Homes confirming they were coming on Wednesday 13th April to look at the draughts coming into the kitchen.

Both the machines were in use, and a lady sat in the lobby waiting for one to finish! No chance there then for Olive or me to get the job done. We returned back up the lift and I had another nice chinwag with her before I returned to the apartment to make another cuppa.

Got the laptop back on and updated this article come diary come, Tale of Woes, come Inchcock Today.

Patti Beckert, my oldest cyber friend, had sent me an email. I answered her after doctoring a photo I took of Clinton Street in Nottingham.

I swapped Patti’s face for another lady, using CorelDraw x8 and CorelPaint x8.

Can you guess which one?

Then I went on Facebook for a while. A long while. A very long while indeed.

Got the new paring knife, and started to slice and cut the parsnips and carrots ready to spray with sunflower oil and bake in the oven… Whoopsiedangleplop!

It bled a little and I had to change the dressing three times after I managed with microscopic effort, to cut my right thumb.

Losing the blood left me with a blue coloured hand. Hehe! The Warfarin level I suppose?

I got the veg in the oven and added a beef slice later to even out the cooking times. Added the potato sticks, new potatoes, beetroot and pickled onions.

It came out alright and I was pleased with the result, although using the knife and fork was hindered by having to change the dressing on the thumb again. All okay later, nay bother!

I think my mind control was beginning to labascate when I found the garden peas simmering away on the hob when I went to wash the pots later. Humph! The parsnips and carrots were appetizing, despite my missing cutting off the ends of the carrots due to the Whoopsiedangleplop.

Fell asleep and was woken up by the Asda delivery gentleman ringing the intercom phone to be allowed in to bring the fodder. I answered the phone, he said who he was, I pressed the entry door-unlock button combination, then as I got the tiered trolly to the door in readiness: It dawned on me that I could not remember sending an order to Asda (Walmart)?

Although I could not recall placing the order, I must have.

As he passed the stuff to me to put on the trolley, it came back to me when I noticed the pack of two lamb leg chops other stuff.

I signed for the food, thanked the chap and went to put away the fodder delivered.

The freezer is now fuller than it ever has been, in fact, I had to dish some bits from it to make room for the new stuff! The cupboards were overfull to the point of absurdity. What when and why did I place this order? I checked on the Google Calendar and saw the reminder for it, and felt a right fool again. Tsk!

I sat down to watch the TV and a message told me to retune to get a channel I had on that had moved to another location. What a mess I made of that somehow. I’ve lost all of the radio channels now, but have got a channel of the CCTV camera on the Foyer door? Much as I wanted the radio channels back, I did not want to lose the CCTV channel? So I left it as it was because I didn’t know how I changed it in the first place? Poor old fool!

No chance of watching the goggle-box as I kept nodding for a few seconds, every five minutes it seemed.

Eventually, I drifted off.

Inchcock Today – Wed 6 Apr 16: Winwood Social Hour Day – Oh, no! Wrong day, sad innit?

Managed to stir and rise up around 0500hrs and to the WC.

Feeling drained and the stomach is grumbling this morning. (Should I stop eating the Frikadellens maybe?)

A little dizzy when I was making a brew, and the rumbling innards continued.

Got the things ready for the Winwood Community Hut Social Hour later – Morrisons delivery due twixt 0730 >0830hrs.

Laptop on and worked on the diary then checked emails (Finding I’d missed going to see Sister Jane yesterday when I had me giant dizzy, in trouble now!)

No imperturbation for me today. Forgot to take my morning medications on time, then realised that last night’s wobbly must have affected me more than I thought because I’d missed those too!

Got cleaned and changed in time to be available for the fodder delivery.

As the wind and rain got started (Looks like it’s settling in to be the pattern for the day), I pondered on life in general. I came to the conclusion that I live a Vicarious, but sad life. I’ve never had the ability or facilities to create any autexousious luxury. Just thought I’d mention it, like.

0725hrs: Awaited the arrival of the Morrisons delivery. Did some word usage learning studying.

0840hrs: Still waiting for the delivery. Still using Grammarly advice.

0925hrs: Still waiting for the delivery to arrive?

Morrisons delivery is on Thursday, I suddenly realised I’d thought it was Thursday, the wrong day – Now… now! I am aware it is Wednesday after all, today! I phoned Sister Jane and asked if I could have permission to visit her, and it was granted. I tried to dulcify the situation.

As ageing senile balding nincompoops go, I’ve got to up there amongst the most proliferous ones, surely?

So I rushed around and got the pressies and nibbles and things for them in the bag, after taking out all the Winwood stuff from it that I’d got ready for the Windwood Thursday’s Windwood Social Hour – feeling a right clot now! Had a wash and took the rubbish bags to the chute.

Down to catch the L9 bus to town. No one else waiting for the bus, and I noticed that someone had planted a row of Spring flowers in alignment with the end of the garages wall.

Beautiful they were, so I took a photograph of them.

Caught the bus and was soon in the City Centre.

The usual Friday crowds of shoplifters… whoops! I mean shoppers were milling about on Clinton Street.

I was so glad I didn’t have to hobble that way to the bus stop to catch the number seven to get to West Bridgford to see Jane, Pete and the pussies.

The rain pelted down on the journey there but eased off a bit for me limp from the bus stop to Jane’s mansion. Where I was greeted cordially and allowed to play with their pussies and one visiting from next door.

Even Arthur let me fuss him a bit. Fooey was his usual self with me, I reckon we have a bond. He’s such a mild-mannered old soul, nothing like how he appears to anyone not knowing him. I love him so, I can’t help but.

A good natter and reminiscing session took place. I took these photographs, promising to email them to Jane and Pete.

I departed saying my farewells and legged it into West Bridgford centre and caught a bus bak into Nottingham.

While waiting for the L9 bus, I took a photo of the Council House, which turned out a good one.

I’ll put this on my ‘Favourite Photo’s Wot I Took’ album on Facebook methinks.

The rain came down heavily again on the way back, but I’d done well in missing the worst of it on my travels today.

At the Victoria Centre bus stop, the bus filled up and William, the Social Hours treasurer, got on and sat down in the seat in front of me. He hadn’t noticed me, so I tapped his shoulder.

This is the photograph I took of William, at the weekly Winwood Social Hour last week.

We had a good chinwag, and once again, the rain eased off as we arrived back at the flats. I alighted the bus, William went to the next stop for Winchester Court, where he dwells.

As I got into the apartment, two letters were waiting for me. One for Margaret the previous tenant and one for me from Nottingham City Homes, informing me of the increase in the flat’s rent.

Cheered me up no end, that did!

As I went into the kitchen to get the fodder ready, the rain came again. Slowly at first

Slowly at first, then it poured down for a few minutes, then out came the sun as it stopped again.

I looked around to see if a rainbow has appeared, but no, none in site to be seen.

Made a cuppa and got the laptop on to update this diary. Took the medications.

Emailed the photographs to Jane and Pete.

Including this one, which I was a touch proud of doing.

Then did some quick Facebooking before the nosh was ready to serve up.

The rain stopped and out came the intense sunshine again!

Big fodder dish tonight.

Cheesy potatoes, pickled eggs, beetroot, hot dog sausages and some potato sticks.

Followed by a lemon yoghourt.

Rated this concoction as decent enough score of 8.9/10.

Made a right mess eating it, though. Huh!

The dizzies eased off I had no more tonight.

Trying to settle down was an impossibility, the mind was racing away, worrying and fretting about all sorts of things, some relevant to my existence and some not? The resulting turmoil was without any acquiescing or understanding. Any aesthetics or logicality within the wild, uncontrollable encephalon were hard to find.

Felt so tired, yet could not get off to rest with the mind’s rampaging – thought perhaps I was going bonkers at one time – then realised I already was bonkers!

Inchcock Today Thur 7th April 2016: Disappointments, Cock-ups and loses today

Thursday 7th April 2016

Woke up throughout the night many times, every occasion I tried to recall the dreams I’d been having, but just could not remember any details. I hate it when it’s like this.

When I woke up around 0400hrs, I nipped to the porcelain and once on the throne, tried again to remember the dreams, but only got the feeling I had been trying to do something and was frustrated in my efforts in every dream, felt I’d had many of them? Tsk! Still, the good news was that both Little Inchy and Haem Aroids were not bleeding at all.

Got the kettle on, made a cuppa, dropped it on the floor (That was Arthur Itis to blame for this!), made another cup and took the medications.

Checked I’d got the photo’s, nibbles and everything ready for the Windwood Tenants gathering hour at the Windwood Social Hut later. This time, I was certain it as the day for the Morrison’s delivery to arrive between 0730 > 0830hrs.

So I got the Tuesday diary finished and posted and started this one off.

Made sure I got myself bathed in plenty of time so as not to miss either the delivery or the social hour.

Mr. Morrison arrived and I put away the fodder for later and put the treats in the bag for the tenants meeting.

Set out for the Social Hour.

The daffodils in the lower part of the park looked rather beautiful as I passed by, I nipped in and took a photograph of them.

Such a disappointing turnout today at the hut, for the Winwood Tenant’s Social Hour.

Perhaps the weather forecast put them off probably, maybe or might have?

I’ll never know.

The few that did turn up seemed a bit lackadaisical.

Even old Eddy left early!

Left the place looking a bit threadbare of folk. Hehe!

I was a bit concerned about this and asked one or two of the clan there if they knew if anyone was poorly or why there is so few of us today?

A massive lack of interest was displayed, and I then wondered if I’d missed something?

Perhaps they will arrive a bit later I pondered?

No, the event dwindled to a farce, and those who had left early didn’t even say cheerio?

William, the treasurer, was the only one who wanted to have a gossip?Most off-putting this was.

I went back to the flat feeling a deflated person.

Pottered about in a depressed mood, then decided to go and get the few photographs I managed to take printed at Asda in Arnold. This proved a very expensive exercise! Humph!

I caught the bus into Arnold, having a very nice chat with Norman the 93-year-old from the same floor as me as we travelled off. revisit

Norman got off at Sainsburys and I carried on to the Asda store.

Went in and got the photographs done, paid for them and got the receipt and poddled around the shop.

I saw some lovely looking slow cookers on sale, but could not carry it home on the bus. I might see about buying a four wheeled trolley?

Then I got some sticks, bread, TV paper, paring knife so I can prepare my vegetables properly tonight, some Marmite, flavoured cashew nuts and potato cakes. Please to be noticing that I combated the urge to get any cream cakes! (Smug Mode Adopted!).

I collected the photographs after paying the lovely lady on the till.

Walked out and to the bus-stop, the timing was right as an L9 bus was due in eight minutes.

An interesting altercation was taking place in Asda’s car park. One of the many local shoplifters was being encouraged by the staff members to return to the store.

I also noticed that another slat had gone missing from the fungus covered dilapidated bench near the bus stop.

As I did so, who should turn up at the shelter, but Norman!

Bless him, he’s miss-timed catching the earlier bus, so he caught one the other way to Asda, and caught the same one as I did, back to the flats.

I was very pleased, at this, ’cause I love listening to his stories from his past! When he stopped telling me, I’m afraid I drifted off. Damned good job Norman was with me to wake me up! Huh!

We got back to the flats, parted company on the 12th floor as we got out of the lift, and I got in the apartment feeling a bit more cheerful, thanks to good old Norman.

I put the things away after attending to duties in the bathroom like. I prepared the veg for the nosh, easy-peasy with the new knife. Sprayed oil of the sweet potatoes, parsnips, and carrots then, placed the beef slice in the oven dish with them, the got the laptop on to update this tosh.

I kept checking on the fodder in the oven mind.

Checked the TV paper, intend to watch it from 2000hrs to 2300hrs. (Best laid plans mind)

Got the nosh out and on the plate.

At this point for some reason, I realised I had not got my wristlet alarm on my wrist.

Nipped to the bathroom to collect it, and could not find it anywhere?

I ate the meal which while tasting nice, I didn’t appreciate it much with my worrying about the wristlet alarm.

After eating it, I took the medications, then spent and hour or three searching around for the alarm, without any success.

Panicking a bit now, I was.

Suppose this means more costs and hassle; I’ll have to report it to Deana, the coordinator. Oh dear.

I tried to watch some TV but kept repeatedly getting up searching again and again for the wristlet alarm.

Most disappointed with me. Tsk!

Inchcock Today – Tuesday 5th April 2016: Early Whoopsiedangleplop as I woke up falling out of me chair! Hehe!

Tuesday 5th April 2016

Now, here is an opening to a diary that I hope I never have to repeat:

Around 0140hrs: I ‘bumped’ myself awake as I fell (Slipped out actually, but fell sounds so more dramatic dunnit? Hehe) out of the 1959 broken imitation leather arm chair and banged my ribs on the corner of the ottoman. This caused me to set off the wrist alarm.

On my mind at that time, was a dream I thought, at first, I was still dreaming. As my addled brain took in that the pain was real, and I wasn’t really in a four poster bed with a delectable selection chunky ladies! Humph!

The alarm response box burst into life with the lady asking if everything was alright. I mumbled my apologies, just saying I’d caught the button in error, to which she replied “No problem Gerry, she then tutted ferociously and rang off.

So, the Confused Nottingham Pensioner struggled up off the floor as I needed the bathroom porcelain urgently, as I staggered through the door, yet again I stubbed my toe on the door stop wood strip. I hoped the neighbouring tenant did not hear the language that spewed forth from my lips. Shame on me!

No bleeding from Little Inchy or Hem Aroid, though, so that was good!

I returned to the messy living room, a part drank bottle of orange flavoured spring water, the TV remote control, the TV paper, a tissue (Well, bit of kitchen towel, but tissue sounds posher), the mobile phone, the walking stick, the picker-upper grabber and the headphones littered the floor near the 1959 broken imitation leather arm chair. I reckon I must have fallen on me picker-upper cause it was a bit bent. The best one too, Huh! I checked the ottoman out, I’d cracked the lid on it.

I got the kettle on for a cup of tea, then pondered on what had taken place for a while. Then cleared up the mess.

The dream left an impression on me, the collision with me ribs and the ottoman did too! Good job I’m going to see the nurse at the surgery later today.

I’d considered the 1959 broken imitation leather arm chair previously, as ‘Unfalloutofable,’ that is one of the reasons I bought it in the first place (Mind you, I didn’t know it was broken at the time).

I thought I’d try to get me head down again around 0300hrs, and that later on my way to the surgery for the INR blood test, I could take the long walk route through the park, call at the charity shop to see if they had any more of the Ottomans for sale, drop off the bits for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop, then drop off BJ’s photographs t his house as I pass by his street. (See that? I was making plans! Scary that… Hehe)

I couldn’t get back to sleep, though, so I got the laptop on and started this diary off, in between visits to the WC, cups of tea and trying to recollect some more memories of the dream.

Took the medications. Did some Facebooking too.

Got a soak in the bath and medicated the parts needed medicating.

Assembled everything required in the bag, and set off on my walk into Sherwood, via the Woodthorpe Park.

This pair of ‘#>&s Nottingham Footpath Cyclists managed to avoid my wrath, as I was in a good mood as I hobbled along.

Out of the park and into Sherwood, called at the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop and gave them their carrier-bag of bits.

As I was passing the co-op store, a Nottingham Pavement Cyclist overtook me on my left, very close to hitting me, then did the same on the right to the lady in this photo, forcing her to stop wondering hat was happening. Over the road and to the Sue Ryder shop to see if they had any medium ottomans in stock so I could replace the one I had broken when I fell on it. They didn’t.

I spoke with the lady, to see if she was alright. She was angry at how close he came to hitting her and made her jump! I was so glad that I wasn’t carrying a firearm with me. Thee anger-making pillocks who are too scared to drive on the road and have no consideration for pedestrians, do no have a horn or honker or light or anyone with common sense nor empathy in the saddle would have found one less!

Over the road and to the Sue Ryder shop to see if they had any medium ottomans in stock so I could replace the one I had broken when I fell on it. They didn’t.

Further down the road and called at BJ’s house. He wasn’t in, and I posted his photographs through his letter box for him.

He’s off to the Dentist tomorrow, hope it all goes well for him.

I continued along Mansfield Road up the hill and down to Carrington and the doctors surgery.

The nurse (The nice one) soon had blood tubes filled and I gave her an Easter egg for herself and some nibbles for the others.

Wandered over to the Lidl store and got some Frikadellens and bits.

Caught the bus back into Sherwood. As I was crossing the road at the pelican lights, there must have been five or even six Nottingham Pavement Cyclists on the other side of the road. I’d have loved to have got a photpgraph of these nasty unthinking morons as they belted by folk making the older ones jump, but couldn’t get the camera out while using the crossing.

I caught the L8 circular bus up the hill back to the flats.

When I got in, used the porcelain and had a dizzy while doing so – then fatigue overcame me again (Tsk!) Got the fodder going, not what I had planned because I wanted only to get my head down.

To save time and mess, I had two Frikadellen cobs and a tin of tomatoes.

Surprisingly was enjoying this, when another call to the porcelain arrived.

The rest of the day was spent trying to get some sleep, but something stopped me nodding off for hours and hours. I recall giving up and putting the TV on and seeing it was gone midnight.

Hey-ho, Plenty of folks worse off.

Woke with a start around 0300hrs, and drifted off again?

Inchcock Today 4 Apr 16: Forced myself out and about – then it poured down!

Nottingham’s Most Barmiest Sad Pensioner’s Diary of Woe

Monday 4th April 2016

I stirred into semi-life around 0315hrs and hobbled to the bathroom without any problems from the ailments, apart from the sore haemorrhoids, but they were not bleeding, just tender.

Stubbing me toe on the way to the kitchen, I noticed the glorious view from the window and decided to take a photograph of it – I decided not to after all when I couldn’t find the camera. Humph, still looking!

Took the medications and found last night’s pot of pills I’d missed taking! Oh dear, so sad and anger making! I took the morning tub of tablets along with just one night time Warfarin.

Started the laptop and back to the WC to doctor my bits with the creams, painkillers, and lotions. Stubbing my toe on the same raised door stop as I had earlier! At least, Little Inchy was not bleeding this morning, I still applied the cortisone cream, though.

As I burnt my finger making the next cup of tea, that I knocked off the counter when I caught myself on the hot kettle and had to bend to clean up causing the back to go: This might not be going to be a good day I thought to myself?

I got the urge come inspiration to do a funny WordPress post in bad rhyming about advice for Pensioners on Waking up in the morning. This took a few hours to get done. During which, another call to the porcelain came, and I was so careful not to stub my toe on the raised door stop this time!

Then I got the Monday diary finished and started this one – and as I did so, got the fearful feeling I might have forgotten the INR blood tests today – oh, and I’ve got to call the clinic to grovel for another appointment too! I checked the Google calendar and confirmed it was for Tuesday 1145hrs at Dr Vindla’s surgery with the nurse.

I got some kind messages on the email, heartwarming that.

Turned everything off electrically speaking and got a jolly good scrub-up. Got the Phorpain gel on my joints and cleaned Little Inchy and Daktacorted him once again.

Wrapped me up well and set off in a hurry to the bus stop. Met coordinator Dean in the lift, and a few words.

Out and met two tenants waiting for the same bus, man, and wife I think and I had another little gossip.

The bus arrived in the City Centre and I dropped off and walked to the bus stop for the number 17 to Bulwell.

The cloudy sky was looking rather threatening as I crossed over the road to hobble to the bus stop.

Pavement cyclists were darting around as well, too quick for me today.

I observed as got close to the bus stop, that the naughty little Nottingham pedestrians were not too keen on keeping to the Walk – Don’t Walk signs on Upper Parliament Street!

The little Scally-Wags!

There were two people at the bus stop when I joined the queue. A ten-minute wait and by the time the bus arrived, there were about twenty in the queue. They all rushed forward with steely determination and I was semi-trampled on and around the twentieth to get on the bus! Humph!

In Bulwell, I made my way to the cheapo shop and got a three pack of the Blitz towels. Then walked around to the Shoe Zone store and got three pairs of shoes, one brown pair included (Not the foggiest idea why?).

Next door to the Fulton’s Food store and got a pack of battered fish fingers and one box of same battered fishcakes. They had some short-dated dark chocolate orange nibble discs, so I bought two for 50p.

Over the Market Place to the river Leen, and fed some pigeons there with the seeds I had in my shopping bag.

Over to the tram station and had a repeat of the what took place at the bus stop earlier. I was the first there on the platform, but about the twentieth again to get on the bloody thing. Only one side seat left available, and I had a heck of a job hanging on to it with and the two shopping bags at the same time. Tsk! Swines were nicking me OAP seats!

On the journey, it was dry when I got on, absolutely pelting down half way and dry when I eventually dropped off.

I even had a battle, to get off the tram in time at the Theatre Royal stop I needed, it was so crammed full of folk who didn’t want to respond to me requests for them to make way so I could get out! Huh!

I walked over to the L9 bus stop, the bus already being there and I joined just one other passenger on the bus. Later the bus had to wait as it went through a housing estate for a builders lorry to offload some materials. The driver was not happy!

We got to the flats and I had yet another little natter with a woman as we entered and rode up in the lift. We both agreed a cup of tea would go down nicely.

In the flat and put the things I’d purchased away.

I noticed that the last pair I bought exactly like the £12.99 pair – AUS £24.38 – USD $18.59 – CAD £24.95, were then a few months ago, selling at £9.99. AUS £18.75 – USD $14.29 – CAD £18.63. Thought I’d get three pairs of shoes before they all went up even more!

Mind you, they all start leaking after a while. Hurrumph!

The weather then started to pour rain heavily; Over the next couple of hours, it changed from rain to bright sunshine, so frequently.

Some mail had been delivered.

One Election Poll Card for Thursday 5th May, and a letter for Margaret, the previous tenant.

I got the laptop on and updated this diary of Woe.

While preparing to get the fodder cooking and deciding to have fish lumps and fishcakes with beetroot, I thought I’d let you all know, that I no longer have any bags BBQ disc crisps, or beef flavoured potato chip sticks in the place! Not a single bag anywhere!

Honestly folks! Not one bag left!

Ahem!

Hehehe!

The fodder came out alright this time, and what a feast it was too!

Had to give this one a high rating score of a worthy 9.22/10.f

The Caramelised Balsamic Onion Chutney really complimented the fish dish so well.

Took the evening medications, having missed the midday ones. Huh!

Checked the TV magazine and found that there was so much on the box that I would have liked to view, all at the same times.

Channel hopped, fell asleep, woke, channel hopped, fell asleep… on and on and on this went. I imagine there are plenty of, what shall I say? Aged people in this position at nights?

BJ rang to say he’s checked the old house and all looks okay. That’s a relief!

Nodded of eventually…

Ageing and Waking up – Advice on what to expect!

Created by a 70-year-old Nottingham Pensioner, in support and advice for those amongst us who are approaching maturity and senescence, but without having first prepared for the coming nasty onslaught of their failing faculties, loneliness and the consequences of physical and mental disintegration that are imminently coming.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Waking up in the Morning

First thoughts, can you remember your nightmares you’ve just had,

Have you passed water or anything else that might be bad?

Did you take last nights medications?

Or have any more confusing aberrations?

Is life real, or just a fad?

*****

You’ll test out your moving parts and ailments early on, slowly of course,

The Arthritis, water filled legs, ankles, hands one by one,

Is the Angina, reflux valve or ulcer giving you any bother at all?

Avoid when getting up, from having a dizzy or another fall.

*****

Moving quickly, must not be overdone!

What medical appointment have you today?

Will anyone call to see you? No, you reply in dismay,

Ah, you’ve to go to the clinic for your X-ray?

Or perhaps this in for next Monday?

Will you snuff it today, you cannot say!

*****

Then the serious stuff comes into your mind,

Which tea-bags to use, Yorkshire, Punjana or Co-op ninety-nine?

You begin to move, there’ll be a jolting pain down your spine,

You’ll have a little chunter, a curse and a whine!

*****

Bravely you grab the broken arm of the chair,

To ease yourself up, but you don’t get there,

Slumping back into your 1959 brown imitation leather armchair,

With steely determination you try again, ignoring the pain,

You must succeed, for you need to use the porcelain yet again!

The odds will be against you getting there are a crime,

You’ll stub your toe en route, this you’ll do more than one time,

Your piles will bleed, miss the bowl and think you’re going insane!

A cuppa will help, you put the kettle on while searching for your sock,

You’ll feel the wet warm dribble from your bleeding Inchcock.

*****

Then you’ll get another bit of a shock,

You’ve run out of your Dandelion and Burdock,

Looking at your kitchen clock, it shows it’s approaching only one o’clock!

At this stage, you’ll question your sanity and mental health,

Realising of stupidity, you have great wealth,

And you don’t really like your older self!

The end

Written in a moment of insanity inspired boredom and realisation

that the time is coming to reconsider the subjectivity of your

own self-detrimental thoughts are escaping into the ether.

Or something like that!

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Sat 2 April 16 – Inchcock Today: Arboretum amble today – in the rain!

Saturday 2 April 2016

Not a good morning at all folks. Woke drowsily at around 0500hrs, felt the tingling and wet in the lower region along with the urge to pass water. Stood up to go to the bathroom and nearly went over when a dizzy spell hit me and Arthur Itis let me know ‘He’s Back!”

‘Little Inchy’ was in a right state, bloodied and still pouring it out! I really was close to pressing my wrist alarm button – but glad I didn’t because, within a few minutes, I managed to cease the flow painfully. (Or so I thought at the time)

Onto the throne and as I evacuated the stomach started grinding and bubbling away, and another dizzy hit me. I thought ‘Ah well, get em out of the road early,’ Huh!

Then Anne Gyna joined in the other ailment. If Inchy goes on like this, I’ll run out of clean undies and jammy bottoms. And I managed to bang me head when I bent down to get the bleach out to clean the blood up in the bathroom. Hehe!

The eyelids felt heavy. I got the kettle on and made a cuppa and took the medications. The guts were still heaving a bit, I thought of what the plans were for the day, maybe better not to go out? I might try a little walk into Sherwood if Little Inchy doesn’t start again now I’ve applied the Daktacort cream and cleaned him. My mind is taking its own route this morning, I’m just tagging along. The oddest feeling that I’m looking at myself doing things rather than controlling myself. Typing this, I’m making more errors and having to amend more than I have ever done?

I’ll have another cup of tea and see how it goes when I try on Facebook. At one stage I thought I was going bonkers, then realised I already was bonkers, Hehe!

I’ll see if Arthur Itis will let me get into the bath later, where I can sort Inchy out and have a good soak, hot water permitting. If I recall correctly, it as last Saturday when the hot water wasn’t hot? Hello, off to the porcelain again, oh I hope things are okay. Back in a bit folks (I hope).

I’m back! And considerably perked up I might add! Why you ask? (Or maybe not like) I’ll tell you; No bleeding from Hem Aroid and only the tiniest bit from Little Inchy, no dizzies now and, it is drizzling rain outside with a hint of mist. Maybe it is because of the improved conditions healthwise, but I saw such beauty in this photo I took from the kitchen window.

Did some Facebooking.

Feeling a bit better now, so I’ll get a bath and do me ablutions then consider going to the Arboretum to see the mallards and if the pond had been refilled yet. Got the seeds and mealworms ready in the bag first.Then on the way back I can drop off BJ’s photographs?

Then on the way back I can drop-off BJ’s photos at his abode? We’ll see.

Getting into and out of the bath was easier than usual. Feeling a bit better, when I set off to catch the L9 bus into town. I got down and realised it was a Saturday and there is no 0930hrs L9 bus running, so I caught the L8 into Sherwood, then a bus to the city.

Glad I did, cause it allowed me to have a nice chinwag with some folk in the bus.

At the bus stop in Sherwood, the queue grew and grew as we waited patiently for a bus to arrive. When it did, it was a single decker and already all the seats had been taken. I was surprised the drive kept letting people cram into the vehicle, I stood in the disabled bay and when it came to my wanting to get off, it was a struggle getting through all the folks standing in the centre aisle, but I bravely persisted and got off on Mansfield Road at the stop for the Nottingham Arboretum.

Crossed the road and in through the gates and through down to The Muggers Bridge. The rain was pelting down now, as I got under the bridge I thought I’d take a photo or two of the underside, but got rather wet from the rain water dripping through the brickwork, I was lucky I didn’t get the camera wet.

As I walked down through the park towards the Duck Pond, I espied a courting couple of mallards on the grass. I struggled to get the umbrella up and tried to take a decent photo from underneath of it.

I pressed on down to the pond area. The Aviaries were all empty today but, there was water back in the pond, although mysteriously no pigeons about, and very few mallards too?

The rain eased to just a few gentle drops and as I got the meal worms to throw to them, Isaw that some clot had thrown a massive amount of sliced bread into the pond and Bankside. Probably a takeaway merchant, judging by the amount of what was obviously full slices loafs of bread all over the place. They will have done this to save on costs and bother of using the dustbins the Council provides.

This is not going to do the ducks any good at all, all this bread will stodge the poor things and as it decays will poison the water. I left the Arboretum feeling a bit sad and angry.

The rain stopped as I was walking into town. I called at Tesco in the Victoria Centre (Mall).

I got some bits and had a window shop session as I left.

I took a hobble through Trinity Square feeling a bit better again then. Took some photographs to post on the TFZ site later.

Caught a naughty driver dropping off his daughter/wife/relative/bit on the side, in the Buses taxis and emergency services only lane. I also noted the rain puddle, waiting for the next bus to splatter the pedestrians as it wades through it. Still, it pleases the drivers, I’ve often noticed the drivers grinning widely through gritted teeth as they do this, bless em. Hehe!

Walked on to the bus stop, no L9’s available, so I caught the 40 bus. That was busy too today. I wondered if something had been taking place that I didn’t know about with so many passengers getting on.

I wondered if something had been taking place that I didn’t know about with so many passengers getting on.

Not that my not knowing about something is rare, of course.

The rain turned heavy again as we moved off from the bus stop.

By the time, it came to my alighting bus stop, I felt I knew the two ladies sat behind me. I picked up much information by simply listening to them chinwagging, one in particular who had a voice level and pitch of a champion town crier: Her daughter had been done for drug distribution, she is having her Benefits cut to £240 a week, but they were still going to pay her rent for her, she was not happy with that at all? She’d bought a new washing machine, she had to top up her ‘Lecy Card’, and the hairdresser on her estate is no good, etc. Hehe! There was lots more that I enjoyed listening to so much, I nearly missed my bus stop!

I got off the bus and waited for a gap in the traffic, getting wetter and wetter in the rain so I could get across the road. I squelched along back to the flat, the water entering my right shoe reminded me I needed a new pair.

Having had no dizzies during my sojourn, it came as no surprise when I got a good one in the lift up to the flat. Frit me a bit that one. When I got in the apartment, I WC’d and put the alarm wristlet on, made a cuppa, took the medications and put me bits away.

Got the fodder going.

Tin of stewed beef, petit pois, oven chips and made a bit of extra gravy so I could soak it up with a couple of slices of the Irish Batch bread, and a dessert tub to follow.

Not bad at all. Rated it at a decent 8.9/10.

Doing the washing up after, another dizzy hit me. I must tell the Nurse at the INR test on Monday no, Tuesday this week.

Fatigue overcame me, not unusual that nowadays. Felt drained. Didn’t do anything much then, TV, nodded off, thought about doing something useful, nodded off, TV, thought about doing something… Tsk! Hehe!

Fri 1st April 2016 Inchcock Today: Spring has Sprunged, and the drying machine got bunged!

Friday 1st /April 2006

Woke late for me, around 0500hrs – still feeling tired? Recalled bits of the dreams but nothing concrete, just that they were not nice.

Tried to remember things I wanted to do for today, last night; take my number for Norman to use, visit BJ see him or post his photographs through his letter box, get the laundry done and one other thing; but what was it?

Visited the WC, made a cup of tea, took the medications, and still couldn’t recall the other thing. Tsk!

Not in good spirits this morning for some reason? I seemed to have more questions than answers milling about my mind.

Finished the post for yesterday then started this one off.

Got the laundry prepared and in the bag ready.

Had a wash and brush-up, got the change for the laundry room machines and poddled down with some nibbles in my pocket in case I saw anyone.

Got the one washing available machine going, and sat to do the crosswords in the foyer. Some residents came through and out to catch the bus, had a quick gossip with some of them.

Lily came down to sit and wait for her visitor. She asked if I’d got any food for her. (Bless her) I gave her some from my pocket. Being as I was going to have to go up to the toilet anyway, I told her I’d bring her an easter egg down.

She then told me her daughter and son in law visited her yesterday and now she can’t find £120 she had hidden in her wardrobe? Poor Lily, she does get confused with things, but she told me they had stolen from her in the past.

I said if I saw Deana the flats coordinator I’d let her know. Went up and toileted and back down with the Easter Egg for Lily. Met three ladies in the lift, and handed out the last three Kinder bars for them to have among themselves.

Gave Lily her Easter Egg and checked on the washing machine progress. Odd machine this one, the time left was at 20 min when I put it in, then it went up to 40 min, now it was showing 55 mins?

Back up to the WC again. Back down, Gerri the contact lady was in the lobby. I got the very wet clothes out of washing machine and into the dryer.

Told Gerri about the draughts still in the kitchen and she said she’d report it again.

When the dryer had completed its cycle – the clothes were still almost wet, let alone damp! Gerri had a look. Put it back on again, more time lost and expense. Did some crosswords, with the help of Gerri and some residents as they came and went.

After the second cycle on the dryer, the clothes seemed okay. Took them up and into the airing cupboard to make sure. Over three hours the laundry took me, Humph!

No time to get to BJ’s house, so I’ll take them (The photos) in the morning.

Updated this and got some fodder on. Decided on petit-pois, boiled potatoes and crispy battered chicken lumps.

Very nice, rated this one at a decent 8.9/10. Feeling drained a bit now?

Feeling drained a bit now?Went to the bathroom and oh dear;

Took the medications and fell asleep for a bit. Waking up with wetness and a painful tingling sensation from Little Inchy. This reminded me that I’d forgotten to ring the clinic about my missed appointment on Monday. Went to the bathroom to investigate and oh dear; Blood all over the underpants and legs. Hell of a job getting it to stop. Not good, but partly my own fault for missing the session at the clinic.

Felt a bit depressed then, and tried to read my book, but no concentration available.

Got the TV on but spent more time falling asleep and missing stuff, then the wet sensation again from the below, once more to the bathroom, this time, the haemorrhoids joined in with the bleeding, made a right mess of the WC bowl.

Got my head down but struggled to get to sleep. I put the TV back on, and that did it, I was off. But only for an hour or so. Tried reading some of the Sniper autobiography eventually getting off again around 0130hrs, waking up at 0500hrs. Drained, Tsk!

Inchcock Today – Thu 31 Mar 16: Winwood Community Shed Social Hour today

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Thursday 31 March 2016

Stirred into life around 0415hrs. Stomach rumbling, I made my way to the porcelain unhindered by Arthur Itis, and what a painful and bloody struggle it was thanks to the Haemorrhoids and constipation. Sore bum now, Hehe!

While straining to carry out my actions, I recalled just a bit of one of the dreams I’d had. I was chipping away with a screwdriver at some mortar between bricks, and each time I removed a block it was replaced by a couple of navvies from the other side of the wall, who swore at me, cursing me? That’s all I remember about it.

I made a cuppa and took the medications, along with a Senna pod tablet.

Laptop on to finish the last diary off then started this one.

Had a dizzy when I washed the cup to make another brew, a nasty one. Only lasted for seconds, though. The INR blood level that’s gone down suddenly to 2.2 might have something to do with it, or is it the other way around when it’s low? Low means the blood is thicker, higher lower… I think.

BJ might be coming to the Winwood Tenants Social hour this morning.

That reminds me, I mustn’t get carried away with blogging and be late for the session. It’s only an hour a week and I want to use it to get to know some of the other residents better. Must give me time to do my ablutions and have a good soak in the bath.

Hello, is the light flickering? No, it’s more flipping flies around the lightbulb again. Used up the last of the fly spray and one is still lurking. I wish I were fit enough to do like we did years ago; Roll up a newspaper and chase the little devils squatting away as jumped up and over furniture determined to get the buggers! Mind you, cleaning up the poor flattened things and ruining the wallpaper… remember anyone?

Although the knees are super stiff this morning, the pain when I move is far less than usual? Ah, maybe it’s the dentist’s painkiller still in my system?

If nothing else, I’m a real thinker still, problems and queries don’t get changed improved or even tackled, but I’m a competent thinker; just an inept doer! That could be amended to go on my gravestone, cause it’s true enough. Hehe!

Did some Facebooking then I checked the emails.

Time for the ablutions and bath.

Got the things ready for the meeting, photographs, gifts, and set off.

No dizzy spells now.

Arrived at the Winwood Community Hut and BJ came shortly afterwards.

He was not in a good mood and seemed withdrawn compared to his usual self. But he made an effort with the others to chinwag away bless him.

I couldn’t find out what the problem was.

It was a particularly noisy session this morning, despite being fewer folks than usual in attendance.

I handed out the nibbles and had a session walking around taking sneaky photographs of the residents. David Baily? Phwert!

Some of the tenants seemed a little down as well as BJ, and I think there was less laughter than there normally is at the meeting.

Then I realised this might not be so as I recognised I was a little down too?

I handed out the photographs from the last sessions and they went down well.

Poor Toni or Terri had still not found her lost purse and had to go to Broad Marsh to arrange a replacement. I asked her if I could go with her my knowing where to go and who to see at Broad Marsh from when I lost my bus pass. She declined the offer.

Ah-well.

BJ offered to run me to Arnold so I could get the photos printed on their machine and get some bits in.

Poor BJ was not very talkative en route, I was a bit worried about him having problems of some sort, but he was tight-lipped. I’ll phone him tomorrow to see how he is, see if I can help in any way.

He dropped me off near the store doors, I thanked him and he was off.

I went to the photographic developing machines and set about making myself look a fool trying to find out how to work the USB download and the camera card one.

The lady who helped me last time came to me again and whipped them through for me. I have now got some printed off of the Winwood Social Hour meeting and of BJ from the visit to Papplewick that he’s selected that he wanted. All of them, about 16 photographs or so, for less than £6! Good value that I thought.

Got the receipt and did some shopping, rather treated me, again. Desserts, potato sticks and a selection of Irish batch bread to put in the freezer.

Just timed it nicely, getting to the bus stop with 4 minutes being the time on the board for the arrival of the L9 bus. It arrived 9 minutes later, delayed at the roadworks and temporary traffic lights the driver said.

As the bus passed Sainsburys, Norman, the 92-year-old from the same floor at the flats got on. When we got off at the flats we had a grand gossip, Norman had had the runs so hadn’t been out for three days. I’m going to find the number for my mobile and write it down tomorrow and hand it to him so he can call me at any time for assistance. Keeping tablets in stock as I do, I could have given him some. So glad he’s got rid of diarrhoea now.

In the flat and got the nosh prepared first… well, after visiting the porcelain of course.

I was feeling cheered that Norman was better but worried about BJ’s irritable mood. So couldn’t concentrate on doing this diary, scribbled some notes and left it until the morning.

The nosh was decent enough.

The batch bread was really excellent, even extra tasty, too much salt in it I expect.

Rated this one at 8.9/10.

I sorted the nosh into the storage compartments and got the photographs stored safely away for handing out next meeting. Ah, there’s a thought, I could have a walk to BJ’s in the morning and post his photographs through his door, and if he’s in, find out how he is.

A feeling of fatigue overcame me, felt I had no ability to do anything physical for some reason. Wearied, exhausted? No dizzies, though.

Cup of tea and took the medications. I watched some Dr Who episodes, but it was a farcical effort, kept nodding off so often.

Inchcock Today Wed 30 Mar 16: Dentist saga – Plus UK Top 10 TV Shows from 1960

What we old biddies and baldies were watching in 1960

Wednesday 30th March 2016

Woke up around 0400hrs and remembered the dentist appointment but could not recall the time. Sad, I know! So got the laptop on first to check on the Google calendar. 1115hrs.

Then to the WC, no bleeding from Little Inchy, but Hemo Oids was gushing a bit.

Made a cuppa and took the medications, and back to the porcelain for another heavy duty session?.

Cleaned up a bit in the kitchen when I went back to make another cuppa.

Returned and set about doing the graphic above, of the TV 1960 TV programmes.

Finished off the previous diary and then spotted the full pot of medications that I’d not taken yet, so I took them.

Out of the blue, I suddenly started to think of and miss Chrissie.

Whatever kicked off and ingeminated these emotions I’ve no idea. But I was transported for few moments back to the good times and the fun and games we’d enjoyed so very much.

I believed I could smell her at one time while I was looking at her photo on top of the electric fire. Don’t laugh! I thought then, the electric fire is the optimum position to reflect her memories.

Once more to the porcelain, three times know this morning? Best get rid before I get to the dentist, though.

Hello, I’m sneezing again, that reminded me I woke myself up sneezing earlier. The rain started coming again too, now.

Checked the emails, I got one via Streetwise about the starting a new U3A starting nearby.

So I went on their site to find out more:

One a month meetings, Only £20 to pay annually. You can buy a drink at the meetings. These workshops have been designed not just Meetings, Only £20 to pay annually. You can buy a drink at the meetings. These workshops have been designed not just for Committee members but for any U3A member who might be interested in joining a Committee. The workshops home in on the U3A ethos and on helping committees to manage their U3As more effectively. Prospective committee members would gain a useful insight into how committees work from either of the two workshops. The beauty of workshops like this is the opportunity they afford delegates to share experiences by networking with members of other U3As.

Conveniently sited where there is not a bus service to reach it for me.

Conveniently held at the same time as my beloved Woodthorpe Social gathering hour.

Conveniently, I wasn’t interested!

The roundabout walk to the dentist is not a long one, but I thought I’d show this diagram just in case I collapse on the way back like, then you’ll know where to search for the body.

Did some Facebooking then.

Ablutions tended to.

Set off up the gravel path to the park and left down onto Mansfield Road and towards the Dentist.Paid up, before treatment as is usual with this Stalag Dentist establishment. Read my book a bit and was commanded to go upstairs to treatment room two.

Received a phone all from Steve Age UK. Wonderful, after four weeks trying to get in touch with him. He is still finishing with me, but had had a telephone from the solicitors and need me to find the email address of the lawyers. He, to call at the flat later to pick it up?

Got in the dentists and paid up the fee, before treatment as is usual with this Stalag Dentist establishment. Read my book a bit and was commanded to go upstairs to treatment room two.

Where they told me the canal work was not being done today, just a clean and the fillings for the front two bottom teeth. They got the burner going, then filed and cleaned out the bits followed by a filling and further filing.

I noted that they had cleaned out the neon lighting cover since my previous visit. I know this because on my last visit I counted 75 flies and moths and one wasp in it. Today they were down to only 39 flies and moths.

I was told to make an appointment with the Obergruppenfurher receptionist, this I did. As I left the through the door, at the bus stop were two flat residents. So I didn’t walk back after all. I had a chat with them and caught the bus back up the Winchester Street Hill, having a laugh between up as we did.

Got in the flat and WC’d, made a cuppa.

Awaiting the arrival of Steve from Age UK.

Started sorting the paperwork folders.

Got the potatoes on the boil.

Deana Walker (Head honcho of the flats) called to do battery check on the alarm. Gave her an Easter egg for her and Julie.

Back to the sorting of the paperwork.

Still awaiting the arrival of Steve from Age UK.

Drained the potatoes. WC visit made another cup of tea.

Still awaiting the arrival of Steve from Age UK.

Received email from the surgery with the latest INR level reading. Down now to 2.2. So that’s 2.9 – 3.4 – 5.6 – 3.8 – 5.7 and now 2.2? Puzzling innit? Ah well!

Made a start on a graphic to use later.

Still awaiting the arrival of Steve from Age UK. (I’m losing heart here) I reckon because he lives close by, he’ll call really late in the day and say he has to rush he’s on his way home! Wanna bet? Cunning chap! Two days to go when I lose his services which he has not been supplying anyway. Bitter? Me?

Well, fancy that he just rang he’s not coming, just wanted the email address for the solicitors. Now I’ve lost interest and faith!

Turned off the laptop and got the fodder dished up.

Pulled pork, potatoes and sticks. yogourt.

Rated this one as 8.9/10.Took medications.

Took medications.

TV’s from then on, feeling a bit down, but the thought of the Winwood Social hour tomorrow kept me going.

TTFN.