Foster Parents needed for Nottingham Boy – 2nd Appeal


Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson, MRCPsych, FRCPsych

Nottingham Social Service’s Manager Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson, MRCPsych, FRCPsych has pleaded with us to republish this old (updated information in Red Ink) appeal to find Foster Parents, Adoption parents, anyone really, who is willing to take this Nottingham Lad into their hearts and home.

The many letters of support we have received from the care workers employed by Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson, MRCPsych, FRCPsych begging us to help has touched our own hearts, and we agreed to go to WordPress with it.

Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson came into the office to plead his case:

I’m afraid this gentle genitally challenged child is causing too many problems at the home, and my staff members are suffering in many ways trying to cope with him.

I fear for the sanity and health of my staff.

Every day they beg me for good news on his adoption status, and every day I have to tell them ‘No… We still haven’t had any inquiries’ from anyone or anywhere.

When I tell them this and they break-down into pitiable tears and let rent with curses, pulling their hair and wailing, it hurts me so to see this.

Since we first put out this appeal over a year ago, Inchcock’s circumstances have changed and so the team got together and amended the facts and figures on the appeal in the hope that this may touch someone’s heart and encourage them to consider at least, to adopt this Nottingham lad.

My staff members (those who have not left the job) are at this moment having a collection and organising fund raising activities to raise some cash for any person who is willing to take Inchcock off our hands.

I have written the changes in Inchcocks status in red ink… please please I beg of you… publish this second appeal… please…

Foster Parents needed for Nottingham Boy, can you help?


Advertised in the Nottingham Evening Post, this surely explains why we need to apply ourselves and provide the resources to cater for our young children?

Nottingham Council’s Adoption Agency

Nottinghamshire Council provides a range of services to look after children and aims to provide quality foster care placements to meet each child’s individual needs in respect of race, culture, religion, disability and language.

Can you offer a home to this young person?


Name: Juan Inchcock.

D.O.B.: 27 August 1946

Nationality: White, British. (We think)

But we are not racist and point out that any denomination of Christian Faith, Muslim, UKIP, Alien or insanitary personages are allowed to apply to adopt this Nottingham lad! PLEASE!

Currently Being cared for by: Local muggers, and the NHS.


* Survived double pneumonia at the age of 3

* Brought up by his father. Very little education received. No etiquette, decorum, deportment, or finesse installed.

* Mother on the run from the police 1950-51 – 1954-1955 – 1956-62

* Loved sports, but was totally useless at them.

* Went bald at 23 years of age.

* Worked for 50 years, in the Retail, Military, Security, and Gas lamp lighting trades – made redundant four times through no fault of his own.

* Broke eleven bones, crushed his right thumb, had a hernia repaired, cancer of the bladder lasered, duodenal ulcer, went deaf, needs three levels of spectacles, contracted Angina, Aorta heart valve replacement, Arthritis in knees and hands, his Reflux valve sticking, Kidney infection and chronically depressed .

* After his cardiac procedures were carried out, he started writing for the Spoof Website, and started his own blog site. Unfortunately, he gets confused at times, and started posting to the wrong site in mistake for the other.

* Then he contracted Arthritis, and Impetigo, currently being treated.

* Inchcock has been fitted with new teeth

* Inchcock has been supplied with new prescription spectacles

The above two items should help him to make less mess when eating and toileting, thus making the any adoptive parents life a little less hazardous!

Medical care required:

He will have to attend a blood test, and await dosage recommendations for the Warfarin tablets he is on weekly if not daily according to results. He has a bus-pass, so you will not need to run him about; he is capable of hobbling to and from the medical appointment as necessary. The other 16 daily medications he is on, will require you to make sure he takes them in order and to the correct dosage:

* Codeine Phosphate as required

* Furosemide 40mg – one each morning

* Lactulose – three x 5ml spoonsful three times a day

* Bisoprolol (Beta Blockers) 25mg – one each morning

* Omeprazole 20mg – one each morning

* Iboprofen Gel – to be applied to the arthritic knees and hands when required.

* Ramipril 5mg – One in AM, one in PM

* Zocor 15mg – One in the evening

* Simvastin 40mg – One in the evening

* Otomise Spray – apply in ears three times a day

* Vitamin B Complex – one a day

* Glyceryl Trinitrate – 600mcg as required not more than two at a time though.

Plus of course, the specified dose of Warfarin for the day, at night.

In the event of the rare dizzy spells attacking Juan, leave him on the floor until he feels he can get up again.

The Nottingham Social Services Department Manager Dr Uppopo Smyth-Robinson points out that legal representation in the event of any adoptive parents getting the medications wrong would be supplied free of charge by Councillor and lawyer Shirley Blamey. 

Personal Traits:

Potty Training:

Originally fully potty trained, but Juan’s memory is getting worse, and this can cause the occasional problem. (Especially now he is on Water Tablets)

Sometimes the busy staff at the Care Home just leave Inchcock on his commode for the day. As long as you leave his laptop with internet connection supplies, he is quite happy with this!


Juan will eat anything not too rich. He has become accustomed since being made redundant, then retiring to living on Asda Smartprice, and Pound Shop products, and you will find these good value… crap!… but good value, and they will suffice for Juan.

Emissions of wind from his anus:

Possibly a by-product of his medications, be warned that after he had laser treatment, he is unaware of any build-up of gases, and they tend to burst out painfully, for him, and anyone in his vicinity.

Gas-masks can and will be provided free of charge at the adoptive parents request.

His Nature:

He is an easy going boy, who likes to feed the pigeons and ducks.

It is essential that you supply an internet connection for him, so he can continue to present crap like this on his blog website, as he is thoroughly addicted.

Do you feel you can help?

Anyone who feels they can take on Juan as foster parents, or adopt him, please send your application in to us, along with a Doctor’s, or Psychologist’s Sanity letter with confirmation of your mental condition.

The above restriction no longer applies.

8 thoughts on “Foster Parents needed for Nottingham Boy – 2nd Appeal

  1. We’ll adopt you. The altitude, sunshine and land of enchantment will do you good. We can treat your kidney issues like we do the cats’ kidney issues with a little sub-cue fluids (we call it waterboarding). You will love NM.

    • Well thanks Tim – the only offer I’ve had. Hehehe! Mind you… me on water, I’m so scared of deep water since I got thrown in the canal as a ankle-snapper. TTFN

      • Not much deep water around here, and the Rio Grande is rarely much over one’s ankle any more, so the only water to worry about is the sub cue treatments (IV solution under loose skin). We use big needles for fast fluid delivery!

  2. Ever since our dog died, there’s been somewhat of s lacking in our lives. I think this Inchcock fella would make a delightful playmate for my children as long as I don’t have to feed him. Where do I sign?

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