A Euro Joke I came across here. Not a good one either, but it had a twinge of some heartfelt sincerity in it that I appreciated about it!
A farmer named Sam was overseeing his animals in a remote hilly pasture in Hereford when suddenly, a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie leaned out the window and asked the farmer, “If I tell you how many cows and calves you have in your herd, you’ll give me a calf?”
Sam looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing animals and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany … Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses an MS-SQL® Database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the Farmer and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Sam.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Sam says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says:
“Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Member of the European Parliament”, says Sam.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required” answered Sam:
“You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter.
This is a flock of sheep!
Now give me back my dog!
* * * * *
Monday 14 March 2016
0340hrs: I stirred into semi-life, and visited the throne. I had to clear up some spots of blood I’d missed from last night’s bath when ‘Little Inchy’s lesion cracked open.
It was beautiful and warm in the bathroom; I’d left the heater on for over 15 hours! Humph!
After cleaning up the haemoglobin, I was positively cold and shivered when I came out. I put the kitchen towelling in the Medical Disposal Bag.
No INR test today, but I’ll see if I can get to contact the clinic about ‘Little Inchies’ tantrums to get an appointment.
Made a cuppa, took the medications and got the laptop on. Then went to add the fodder photo to finish off Sunday’s Dairy, and found I couldn’t find it anywhere? Worra plonker! After searching for it for a while, I gave up. ‘?’
Very annoyed with me, and a little confused as to how I could have lost it, I started to do this one.
However, the lamb shank with minted gravy garden peas and oven chips, followed by the orange and lemon dessert was a decent 9.54/10 rating as I remember.
Back to the bathroom in response to Little Inchy feeling warm and wet, oh dear. No problems, though, it might be that I’m losing it or imagining things? I could sense the rumbling innards starting up.
I’m certainly not in a very good mental state this morning. Losing yesterday’s diary and not knowing why, how, or where, might be getting to me?
Did a bit of Facebooking. Has it turned out, a lot of Facebooking?
It was getting a bit nippy, but could I find my grey bobble-hat I went to sleep wearing? No! Another mystery raises its head! I wondered what the third disappearance would be and when it would arrive? Humph!
I washed the empty tablet box’s and lids. I did them in the sink.
Of course, this mixed up the lids and pots, and I discovered here is a variation in sizes so some covers would fit and some not. Humph!
So I added getting some new pots to my ‘To-do’ list.
To-D0 1: Call in at Cabin and give bits to Deana and Julie
To-D0 2: Call in see BJ on way to Carrington
To-D0 3: Call into Lidl and get some Frikadellens
To-D0 4: Call at the doctors on walk into town, make an appointment
To-D0 5: Call at Chemist and get prescriptions
To-D0 6: Feed and photograph the vast selection of ducks in the Arboretum pond.
To-D0 7: Call in Jessops, get earthworms for the ducks.
To-D0 8: Call in HMV to get DVD ‘Went the Day Well.
To-D0 9: Call in Tesco and treat me to some fresh cream French Horns. (Haven’t had any for four weeks now)
To-D0 10: Call in the Pound Shop and get some more mini-pots for the medications.
To-D0 11: Call in the Victoria Market, Alladin’s Cave and get a decent tin opener.
Got a good scrub-up, and got the treats for the support staff to drop off on the way out. Dropped off the rubbish bags down the waste chute on the way to the lift.
Called in at the Community Hut. No one was in. (FAILED To-D0 1: Call in at Cabin and give bits to Deana and Julie)
Plodded on down the hill into Sherwood. Noticed the houses being built were now advertising for bricklayers.
Crossed over the road and went to BJ’s house, knocked on the door, no answer. (FAILED To-D0 2: Call in see BJ on way to Carrington)
Up the hill into Carrington, hassle with Pavement Cyclist, who drove back to the road, waving their arms of the handlebars and waving high, while whooping?
Drunk? They were indeed using some bad language!
I carried on up the hill.
Amazed with how well I’m doing here.
No bother from the legs or chest at all. It’s like being a different person some days!
Jeckel and Hyde? But Roger Reflux mixed in there somewhere. Hehe!
Up and over the hill, down towards Carrington, and yet another Nottingham Pavement Cyclist came belting passed me from behind, and narrowly missed clouting me. The rascally scallywag!
Onwards and managed to pass by the surgery on the opposite side of the road and thus forgot to call in the place to make an appointment. Huh! (FAILED: To-D0 4: Call at the doctors on walk into town, make an appointment)
I called into Lidl, but they didn’t have any Frikadellens in stock. (FAILED: To-D0 3: Call into Lidl and get some Frikadellens)
Called into the Chemist to get the prescriptions, but they will not be ready until Monday. FAILED: To-D0 5: Call at Chemist and get prescriptions
As I passed the South Notts College, yet again a Nottingham Cyclist nearly had me over, this time from a frontal attack.
I turned and fumbled to get my camera out of me pocket, took the photo and shouted out a single word to the illegal cyclist. He turned and laughed then ignored me – The wicked boy!
I pressed on and started to walk through the Forest Recreation site, and up the hill to the top en route to the Nottingham Arboretum.
I spotted some crocus forcing their way through on the grass verge. Nature is amazing; I just wish I’d appreciated years ago.
On the walk up the long steep hill, it turned into a hobble; the feet began to sting, the knees to hurt, and I was struggling for breath.
The wind grew stronger and the temperature began to fall.
But I was not unhappy in the cold sunshine because the ailments were not as bad as they have been the last two days or so, and I began to whistle when I reached the summit and regained my breath.
I crossed the road and down to the top entrance of the Arboretum and felt so happy when I entered.
I loved the flowers fighting for life and looked forward to getting to the bottom of the hill and fussing over the Ducks in the pond and birds in their cages.
Suddenly, despite the few pains, I found myself singing again. Frankie Vaughan, Rick Nelson, Adam Faith, Cliff Richard and Billy Fury songs, and the Shadows tunes hummed from my lips as I happily wandered around the unkempt bushes and wildlife. A happy Nottingham pensioner.
Unfortunately (I should have expected something to bring me down, but didn’t think it would be so quick in coming!) I found that the pond had been drained!
Why or what for I don’t know, couldn’t find anything about this on the web when I got home?
Disappointed is too mild a word to tell how I felt! Instead of the six variations of ducks and geese in great numbers, there were just a few mallards fighting each other for the one bit of water left in a hole about 2ft x 10″.
The poor things rushed over to me when I threw some earthworms and seed to onto the waterless brick bottom of the pond. The pigeons joined in the meal, and I was worried about the missing ducks? Had they moved to water elsewhere? I asked a chap working there, but he had no interest, he just replied: ” I dunno!” FAILED: To-D0 6: Feed and photograph the vast selection of ducks in the Arboretum pond.
I spent an hour or so with the ducks and felt very low when I left them and moved on towards town.
As I walked through the Trent College compound and sprawling student residences on my way into town, a young couple overtook me and the girl had a jumper on with “Plug and Play” on the back near her bottom quarters? I’m confused, can anyone explain to me, please?
I made my way to Pound World to get some of the pots for my medications. (FAILED: To-D0 10: Call in the Pound Shop and get some more mini-pots for the drugs)
I crossed the front of Clinton Street and was so glad I didn’t have to fight my way down that way today.
Call in the Pound Shop there. (FAILED: To-D0 10: Call in the Pound Shop and get some more mini-pots for the medications again)
Then crossed over the walkway into the Victoria Centre. Called in Jessops to get some replacement earthworms. They had none in stock! (FAILED: To-D0 7: Call in Jessops, get earthworms for the ducks)
I moved along to the other end of the mall, down the escalator towards Tesco, where I hoped the fresh cream French Horns would be waiting for me in their fridges.
For I needed cheering up after seeing the plight of the poor ducks in the arboretum.
Blow me down with a feather duster! They had sold out! (FAILED: To-D0 9: Call in Tesco and treat me to some fresh cream French Horns)
Popped in the HMV shop, guess what? (FAILED: To-D0 8: Call in HMV to get DVD ‘Went the Day Well’!
I think I’d failed on every To-do, apart from getting the strong tin-opener from Aladdin’s Cave in the Market. I hobbled back and called in the Cave… yes, you might have guessed it. (FAILED: To-D0 11: Call in the Victoria Market, Alladin’s Cave and get a decent tin opener)! They only had the type I’d bought in the past and they have all failed or broken!
What with the poor ducks and failing on every To-do on my list, I was feeling down now. Then I walked over the walkway out of the centre and saw this site. A paramedic pulled onto the pavement when responding to an obviously serious call, and knocked a bloke over!
I called at a Nottingham Post cabin to get a paper, and there was no one in it?I had no change so couldn’t leave the money and take a paper
I had no change so couldn’t leave the money and take a paper.
And to think how well the day started – Humph, Tsk and Huh!
I got to the L9 bus stop and caught the thing back to the flats, not in good spirits now, at all.
Met a fellow tenant (Frank) in the lifts, had a quick natter. To the flat and used the throne, found ‘Little Inchy’ was bleeding, but I wasn’t surprised, the way today had deteriorated.
Found a bill had been delivered from the Electricity, fancy that.
One thing that perked me up was the view from the kitchen window.
My feet were burning and painful.
I made a cuppa and found two meat-flies had appeared in the kitchen.
‘Little Inchy’ started leaking again, back to the bathroom and painfully cleaned and applied the Dakacort cream yet again.I found
I found the grey bob-cap I couldn’t find this morning, it was laying in full view on top of the battery radio? Little consolation for the feeling I had for the poor ducks, my failure to do one of the To-Dos on my list, and the pain Anne Gyna was now giving me.
Already passed my bedtime, I put the laptop on to update this sad tale, and got some nosh in the oven, A meat pie, roasting veg and if I remember, I’ll put some Irish potato cakes in later.
Amazing how one can go from singing away to gloom and despondency so quickly. And I must not oversleep in the morning, the Morrisons delivery is coming twixt 0630>0730 hours.
Oh ‘eck, the backs starting now.
The nosh came out alright, I remembered to put the potato cakes in.
Rated it at 8.9/10.Far too late in the night
Far too late in the night for me, I got sat in the 1959 imitation leather armchair with the broken arms. After several attempts at watching the TV, I drifted off.
Woke a few times despite being so tired, and the poor ducks plight came back to me.