Inchie Today

Inchcock Today: Mon 12th January 2015

What a night of dreams!

In one I was out in the wild countryside in storms… trying to drive a tractor then a bus full of people… found myself on foot trying to cross fast moving water in a ditch… couldn’t get through it although it seemed only a few inches deep? Then I was on a piece of high land in a flood… too scared to go into the dirty fast moving water I was calling for help through a rolled up newspaper as the rain and lightning persisted? Found myself lying in a ditch minus my left leg? … I was eating my hearing aids with a drink of bleach?

That must have have been my last dream because the others I can sense their panic giving nature but no details.

Up to the WC about 0300hrs.

Laptop started, drink of spring water, passed wind and rushed back to the WC. (Close call this one)

Got me posting done to the League of Mental Men site, then started graphics for the third post in me series about the Zimmer Frame Squeaks. Took a few hours over this.

Took me medications and pondered on the tasks I have to do today.

Got some advice on covert cameras from cyber friends yesterday. I’m a bit busy with things to tend to, but will look into the ideas given me. Some good ones too.

Spit polished scrubbed and creamed myself, took a look outside and saw the rain and wind a-blowing and decided to catch the bus instead of walking today.

Caught the bus into town then another out to the Queens Medical Centre (Much praise and thanks for the senior citizens bus-pass again).

**Well at least 50% of the pedestrians on Market Street managed to stay on the pavement!**

Just walking from one bus-stop to another three cyclist belted passed me on the pavement – Grrrr!

I took two photographs from the shelter and dryness of the bus through the window – through the window of the bus I was on not the a bus through the window… I’ve lost this, I’ll move on sorry.

The first one I thought typified the pedestrian of Nottingham and their habit, or even stubborn insistence on walking in the roadway and not on the pavements! Bless their cotton socks.

The second was supposed to be of the Gambling Casino but didn’t show up too well. Tsk!

The bus got me to the Queens Medical centre in no time at all… I thanked the driver James Hunt as I alighted the bus at the QMC.

As I was walking into the building I espied the poor motorists queuing for the car-park below again.

I even remembered that due to my having misplaced (Lost) me Anticoagulation Record Card (Again!) to go up to the forth floor and get another replacement.

They were very kind and didn’t get onto me at all (Much). Well, they did give me their now infamous glare that said “The silly bugger again!” I think it’s inbred in them after my forgetting and losing me card so often. I can’t blame em at all.

As I came down to the corridor afterwards (I managed the stair rather well I thought today. WordPress Warning! -Lie mode detected!)

I spotted they have a small ladies attire/clothing shop in operation on B floor and very reasonable prices too.

The change machine at the bank on the same floor had been vandalised though. Tsk!

Picked up a free Metro newspaper and onward to the haematology department took me ticket and sat in the queue reading it and filled in me form. My number was called within an hour and I got in to have me INR Warfarin level test done – and a jolly good chin-wag with the nurses who accepted me bag of nibbles with great glee.

As I left a little cheered, the rain had really started to poureth down.

Caught a bus into town and walked down into the square remembering to call at the bank to confirm me insurance had gone through. Saw the same chap as last time so got it confirmed within minutes.

Then off to the Chinese food shop nd got a bag of original seaweed and a bag of a new type I’d not seen before.

**Gloom descends in Nottingham. Nothing new at all there then! Hehehe!**

Then up to the Boots opticians here me new varifocals were ready and had yet another good chin-wag with the very comely lady indeed who looked after me and found time for a laugh at the same time bless her muchly.

Gloomy weather as I approached the slab square, but the rain was only light now.

More cylcists on the pavements as I went up King Street.

I paid a visit to the Jewellery shop window and took a photo of another of the masks in the window display to show the TFZ gals on Facebook. There was a price tag on it, but bent around so I couldn’t make out what it was.

I bit of a kerfuffle taking place at the… what do you call them, where ladies have their nails done – nail shop I suppose. The police went in and I moved on out of the way .

Down to the bus-stop and off I went back to Carrington.

Remembered to call at the GP and put request in for extra pain-killers and pain-gel. Pleased with misself there!

On the bus I thought how well I’d done to remember everything – huh! Realised I’d forgotten to take me walking stick to be repaired – to get me hearing-aid batteries – to take me library book back and to have a look in Currys at the covert cameras! (Double Tsk!).

**Closed today – damp and depression took hold for some reason?**

My temporary high spirits melted away.

As I was walking from the bus to the hovel I took a picture of the Pottery Shop not far from my decaying domicile.

I moved back to pig-sty and got to the WC in time.

Made a flask of tea and got started on this diary.

Inchcock Today: Sunday 11 January 2015

What a night – it felt like I was waking up every few minutes and sweating over a dream and needing to visit the porcelain each time – but can I remember any of them in detail? No! I hate that. And the Arthur Itis visited knees and feet weren’t too keen when I had to get up so often. Hehe!

About 0415hrs I remembered the new flask that was besides me, and tested out how warm the tea had kept in it by taking me medications a little early but still. Warm enough to help them down, just.

Laptop on and sent emails to sister Jane and brother-in-law Pete – then thought oh dear… what if their mobile phones give off a noise to alert them of the emails coming in at this time in the morning? Whoops, in trouble now…?

The new cheapo Tartan pyjama bottoms were wonderfully warm and at £3 one can’t complain – well one could but one wouldn’t be justified in doing so.

Spent a good few hours doing graphics and facebooking.

Then got myself ready for another walk out in the wind.

Set off the wind gin was strong but not cold with it, bit unnatural really.

When I got to the church I decided not to go to town, but have walk to Asda to see if they had any of their Potato Gratins I could purchase. And it’s not as far as walking to town – mind you thinking of it there is no bus service to come back on – so it made it further to walk than walking to town… if yer see worra mean like.

Walking down the side of the Forest recreation ground there were signs of wind damage.

Twigs even branches from the trees were scattered all over the pavements and in the gutters.

I didn’t see any signs of Nottingham Street Art anywhere today.

As I got to the tram-stop I observed an age-old traditional Nottingham trait in action. Despite there being very few people about being Sunday like, there were still two Nottinghamians walking down the middle of the road. On this occasion on the tram lines!

Bless em.

As I turned the corner a cycist on the pavement came towards me at speed and I honestly had to move or he would have hit me head-on?

To quick for me to get me Camera out though.

The Git!

I poddled on up the road to the Asda (Walmart) store and had a good wander around the store, starting with the clothing section.

Well, I had to test the camera didn’t I?

So took a photo of the brassier section for the girls on the Troll Free Zone to discuss and comment on. I (Honestly)

I espied a display of booties? Not sure if they were slippers or some other form of footwear but they looked warm so I can send the piccy to me Sister and see if she’s like me to get her a pair.

At this point I noticed a supervisor following me and giving me funny looks.

I smiled at her and got me camera out again and took a photo of a poster in the gents section of a motif printed T-shirt – it had a Gorilla wearing sunglasses (Shades they call them nowadays… I’m learning yer know), a toothpick in its mouth and the words ‘Chillin and Gorillin on the front? I’m not sure what this indicated?

Is Chillin and Gorillin a music group for style like Rap or something?

I spent a bit more time wandering round just to tease the lady monitoring my actions. Hehe!

Then much to surprise I came across some of the Tartan pyjama bottoms very much like the one’s I bought from Primark for £3 the other day – and Asda were selling them at £8 each! So if anyone is going to buy pyjama bottoms with a nice Scottish blue and red tartan that I assure you are nice and warm get them from Primark quick before they sell out!

I moved into the food section and thought to myself (I do a lot of that) it’s no wonder the ones I got are warm, I got the XXL size in error for the XL and they come up to about 2 inches below my nipples and are still bunched at me ankles. Cosy though all the same.

I got a pack of the Potato-Gratin, some tiny pots of mandarins in jelly and bisuits. Then I went to have a look at the bread on offer.

There was some wholemeal wraps on offer according to the sign £1.49 down to £1 a go, so I got a packet and made me way to pay for them.

When I got outside and the bags balanced I plodded back towards the hovel and sod me if another bloke on hte pavement on a bike came around the corner and nearly clobbered me!

Getting a bit fed-up with this now.

As I walked on two police cars belted passed blues and twos activated. then two fire tenders joined them going in the direction of me flea-pit.

That reminded me that I forgot to go back to the bank about checking that my insurance is valid?. I must go on the way back from the INR Warfarin level checks tomorrow at the Queens Medical Centre haematology!

As I came to the end of the Boulevard, sod me it happened again! A bloke and his son on bikes on the pavement this time. I shouted at them and got me camera out but they were well away by the time I took the photo.

I must investigate getting a covert camera that I can download to me old laptop. The one’s at Maplin’s only do Windows 7 and above… Tsk! That’s three photos of illegal activities (Riding a pushbike on the pavement) that could have been in me armoury to send to… the newspaper, the police? Someone who would take an interest in the dangers to elderly and not very mobile persons fears. Rant over, thank you.

I slipped the pigeons a few seeds on the way back to the dump. Maybe tomorrow I can get to feed me mallards… they have returned.

Got in WC’d.

As I was putting me things away I noticed that Asda had charged me £1.49 for the bread wraps?. I suppose I may have read the wrong ticket or something like that. Tsk!

The knees had not been so bad today, but as I was putting the stuff int fridge, me fingers froze and I dropped on of me mandarin in jelly pots – but I was lucky it didn’t break. I bent down to pick it up and a crack and pain emitted from me lower back. Sod-it I think I said.

Made me flask of tea, took me medications and settled to watched a DVD of the 1966 World Cup final.

Inchcock Today: Saturday 10th January 2015 – Devilish Winds today!

The devilish winds in the title of this post refer to the ones that come with the weather as well as the ones that emit from my innards today! Tsk!

I woke around 0340 hrs this morning in urgent need of the porcelain department – the knees and ankles were not very keen to respond to my requirements to allow me to get up and visit the aforesaid porcelain! By the time they had painfully protested then permitted me get there (Just, and I mean only just in time!) I required a heavy duty visit as well. Huh!

I got me book to read, then realised how windy the weather was as well, the door blew open (I made a mental note to get a door-stop on me walk today), and I could even hear the gusts of wind without my hearing-aids in!

Started the laptop and made a cuppa and some microwave porridge that I bought yesterday, very nice too!

I can recommend the Golden Syrup flavoured one.

Another cuppa and took me medications and applied me creams and gels.

Wedged the door shut with cardboard, but the wind kept on bowing it open… oh dear.

Did some graphics and facebooking and blogging in between closing the door again and again with me ‘Reacher-grabber-picker-stick’ as it blew open. I got well fed-up with this. I arose and went through me beatification process… well had a wash and shave and got me clean togs on in readiness for me walk into town. Which I could tell from me knees and ankles was not going to as pleasant as normally is it. Tsk.

Set off on me walk into Nottingham from Carrington and despite it being obvious how strong the wind was, still thought ‘Cor blimey’ or words of a similar nature when I turned the corner into the wind.

I proceeded along Mansfield Road and at the traffic island junction tried to take a photo that showed the trees bending and leaves blowing about.

It didn’t come out like I’d hoped. I wonder if I should ask Timothy Price or Paul Militaru for some tips as they are brilliant photographers – don’t tell them I said so though. Hehe!

Onward up the hill near where I spotted yesterdays Nottingham Street Art, the police had pulled a bloke over in the Bus-lane and started to cause a bit of a traffic jam.

Annoying when you don’t now why isn’t it? It wasn’t a traffic-police car. Then as I hobbled over the road so I could call at about the last independent hardware store in Nottingham to get me door-stop (I was amazed at the time that I’d remembered) two other police vehicles joined them?

I poddled down the other side of the hill and was belted in the face with leaves swirling along with the nasty but not cold gusts of wind.

Not many folk about for a Saturday, but then again – many would have a lot more sense that wot I do and not go out in the winds unless they really had to?

Got to hardware store and bought a door-stop, and an Italian made Thermos flask.

Then carried on into town and had a jolly good but often difficult walk around the streets.

As I hobbled through Trinity Square I noticed yet again, especially at it was lunchtime that the restaurants and cafes there were not doing a very good trade at all. Winds?

Can we expect them to go bankrupt any time now?

Mind you thinking about it I suppose they do their best trade at night-time when most of their customers are under the influence and would not notice the food or prices or they were being charge for it.

One of them was offering Steamed mussels with egg-white and herbs for £15.99 ($24.25) a portion.

A bit steep that I thought or am I out of touch?

As I got to the bottom of Kings Walk there is a jewellery store an in their window were two things that really caught me eye.

The first being a display of mechanically operated polar bears that nodded their heads next to a display of rings – and I was not the only person interested and fascinated by it, to Asian girls were taking a picture of each other next the bears, and I offered to take one of both of them and they were tickled pink. Using their camera like. I think they were from Korea but they were a tad hard to understand – but wherever they were from they spoke a damned more English than did of their language, it was me hearing in the wind that was the problem.

Hope they enjoy their visit to Robin Hood land bless them.

Further along in the same window was a mask next to some ladies necklaces and gems.

I’ve no idea where it was from or what it was but found it adorable and a nice addition to the display.

The necklace on the red rostrum thingamajig was on offer at only £899 ($1364.49). Just thought I’d mention it like.

I plodded on and caught a bus back to Carrington – boy how I appreciate the Senior Citizens free-bus-pass. Someone on the bus was talking about the Government thinking of stopping them? I’ll have to look that up later see if they were right or not – a bit worrying that.

I dropped off at Lidls store to get a couple of cobs and a pork pie.

They were very busy but I was in no particular rush.

And they still retailing the medium Pork Farms Pies at 99p ($1.52) each! Excellent value, it makes it worth taking the risk of being sneered at, mocked and short changed at Lidl’s.

Got Cox’ apples and two of their Cheese Twists instead of cobs – they look and smells nice anyway.

I walked back to the dump feeding a pigeons on the way.

Got in and WC’d, put me bits away and cleaned the new flask and filled it with tea.

Then went up with it for later and tried me new plastic door stop on the door – that’s stopped the bugger blowing open now. Hehe gorrit!

As a descended the stairs to turn on the most unreliable internet known to mankind (BT by the way – perhaps I’ve mentioned that before? Grrr. Hehehe), me right ankle twinged and has left me with a pronounced new limp.

Ah well, they say variety is the spice of life.

Going to have half the pie and the cheese twists with a bag of Marmite crisps followed by an apple and iced lolly later. Gordon Ramsay would be jealous I’m sure. Hehe!

WC’d

Took me medications and did some Facebooking for a while.

Filled the flask with tea and attacked me nosh – nice!

Couldn’t find me book to read – I hope I didn’t leave it on the bus.

Weariness dawned upon me and I tried to get into the land of nod – repeatedly waking up every few minutes it seemed all through the night. Mega Tsk!

Inchcock Today: Fri 9th Jan 2015 – Feeling rough!

Took me ages to get off to kip last night… or I should say this morning, think I got off around 0030hrs then sprang awake at 0315hrs… a-coughing and a a-sneezing with rumbling innards.

But bits of a dream had stayed with me. I’m losing them as I type so I’ll get em down now while I can if yer don’t mind.

Different women who in the dream I thought I knew but could not put a name too – Many of them were telling me off – in a factory or shop with many many rooms and passages – I had to find something for them but couldn’t and they did not like that – Old washing house in the basement? – giant tablets with legs following me – then on giant cargo ship again… lost – being chased again to have my nappy changed, giant pin the size of a coat hanger? In a life-boat with Albert Einstein, we were both enjoying smoking a pipe, I even knew the baccy was Erinmore Mixture?

No… the rest has gone now. Tsk!

Got up and dizzies again, tried WC – no action? Knees bad despite the extra gel I put on last night. Might not be a good day again fer me today?

Determined to get out later for a bit of walk and take some photos if possible.

Started this diary made cuppa and took me medications between sneezes coughs and passings of wind from various orifices.

Did a bit of Facebooking, but very hard to concentrate.

WC – haemorrhoids bleeding now – what next? (Double Tsk!).

Read a bit more of me book. Then titivated myself ready for me walk to town later.

As I set off the rain was slight but the wind heavy (weather-wise and medically speaking).

As I struggled up Mansfield Road near the cemetery near to where I have come across the Specialist Nottingham Street artists work many times in the past, some irk or irks had forced open what I think was a telephone connection box and rearranged many of the wires plugs etc . Looking at the photo now maybe it was not a telephone connection box? All I know is they made a decent job of the malicious re-wiring of it. (Tsk, little monkeys!)

The rain stopped and the sun came out to pay. (It didn’t fool me though I knew it’d be back).

Limped through Vic centre called in Tesco for me bread and plodded on and being lunchtime I expected to see the expensive outdoor seating cafes to be doing well now the weather had temporarily cheered up like. But not a single customer in any of them?

The drizzle started again as I hobbled to Broad marsh Shopping Centre and visited the 99p shop, where I got some stuff for the nurses on Monday. As I walked out of there I poddled into the Poundland shop on the lower floor to get some cheap tea-spoons… now there is mysterious thing… how do I keep losing and replacing me tea-spoons all the time and never find those disappeared ones again? It’s the same with me socks yer know? Oh, got some of them at two pair for a quid too.

Oh, and they were selling ‘comfort Bras for the ladies at Two-for-a-quid as well?

I went to have a look at the DVD sale shop but nothing interested me there… well there was a rather chunky lady unknowingly flashing a bit of bare skin in my direction… but ? I digress.

I got a couple of odd looks from the staff as I photographed the bra stand. Hehe!

A bit further along I saw some ladies watches in a window and took a photo so the female bloggers and TFZ gals can pick out a favourite one for me to buy it for em when I win the lottery big like. I’m not sure how I’m going to without remembering to buy a ticket though.

As I came out of the mall the rain was still holding off – for about 100 yards.

As I was discreetly dropping some seeds to the pigeons it pouted down, so I ducked into the Primark shop and camera in hand had a walk about while sheltering from the downpour.

I took no end of photos for the TFZ gals to pick fault at, desire and comment on Facebook about, I hope.

I purchased some more of the long sleeve thick tea-shirts and two jammy-bottoms on offer down to £3 each that looked nice and warm to wear. The arthritis was bad at this point but the angina ulcer and coughing had eased.

I departed the store and walked up Clinton Street in the now light drizzle just in time to spot some Constables (CPO’s) tackling one of the famous Nottingham shoplifters. It takes more than a bit of rain to put them off yer know!

I went around the corner with my me once again heavy bags to the bus-stop… the right word here – the buses had stopped.

Coudn’t see any reason but it was ages before the bus arrived late naturally and with the pleasant peasants of Nottingham moaning groaning and grunting I got on the bus. (Hehe!) The gal with the reddish hair let vent vehemently I can tell yer. I felt a tad sorry for the poor old driver.

As I got off the bus and was walking towards my street I noticed someone had an English flag mounted on his car ariel.

A bit brave that around here I thought.

Not many folk around either… ah, they’ll be picking up their apprentice muggers from school I thought.

When I got in the bomb-site and WC’d I found a letter from the Dentist reminding of the appointment on the 21st January and the £55 charge if I fail to attend. Bless them.

Made a cuppa and got this diary started.

WC.

The knees were well worn and I felt suddenly weary, but the upheaval in the innards was much better.

I must remember to take the things down for the Nottingham Hospice shop in the morning.

I’m certain there is something else I have to do as well… but…

Had steak in gravy and instant cheesey-potatoes tonight, followed by iced lollies and Raspberry ripple mousse, digested while listening to the howling-wind and creaking bones when I moved to the WC frequently through out the night.

I think I might just be getting a little old now?.

Inchcock Today: Thursday 8th January 2014

Woke up for WC usage and recalled some bits of dreams I’d had – made notes.

0315 hrs: Up WC – feeling a bit giddy, got up and had a dizzy (Oh, that almost rhymes). Not a portent for the day hope.

Started the laptop made a cuppa and started this diary.

The dream/s:

Note 1: At T-Junction traffic lights – me crossing the road and three lanes of waiting traffic, as I walked across the lanes of traffic went from three lanes into eight or nine?

Couldn’t get across as the distance increased, lights changes traffic crawling slowly toward me – the drivers had no faces.

Recognised vehicles, all old, Hillman Humber, Singer Gazelle, American Jeep, Austin ambulance and Austin A40?

These turned into giant Dinky toy models and they all stopped moving?

I was suddenly on Mansfield Road in Sherwood Nottingham, picking up dead meat flies in the middle of the road?

Note 2: Locked in a room – couldn’t get out, plastic forks? Giant hands trying to grab me from above as I ran around the room hiding behind a massive frozen chicken – gave up and grabbed a finger of one hand and it exploded? – Being told off by a woman who poked me in the eye with her finger?

Ah well.

WC’d: realised the haemorrhoids were bleeding. cleaned missen and applied me creams. Arthur Itis not as bad at the moment as it has been. Angina lingering a bit still. Pain gelled me knees.

Bad dizzy-spells came on, doddery on feet now… decided not to go out at all today.

WC.

Rumbling innards coughing and a-sneezing.

Shortest diary ever?

Zimmer Frame Squeaks prepare for their first performance under New Manager Marissa Bergen!

**Sadly during rehearsals six member of the Zimmer Frame Squeaks passed-away while they were singing “Beep-bop-a-hula” and got carried away with the dancing!**

Marissa Bergen, the new Manager and Incontinence Nurse to the newly formed and ever changing Retirement homes ‘Zimmer Frame Squeaks’ pop group spoke with ‘Entertainment Today’ roving reporter Shirley Blamey-Much.

Shirley asked Marissa how things were going with the launch of the Rest Home for Insanitary Sufferers new senior citizen band ‘The Zimmer Frame Squeaks’ début performance.

Ms Bergen explained: “It’s not that easy at all you know. Six of the seven in the band have conked-out this week alone, now I only have Juan Inchcock left and he’s in hospital.

I went to visit him yesterday to tell him of the changes I’m making and to increase my percentage payments to 40% of the takings. In future I will not be allowing any of the residents over 90 years of age to join the band, sensible as their age would not allow for a long term career for them anyway would it?

The newly formed The Zimmer Frame Squeaks has only four members in it now – I explained that any more would eat into my earnin… I mean their earnings if too many of the old codgers were needing to be paid.

I’ll get them on X-Factor first, assuming the waiting will not be too long of course, don’t want to lose any more of them before the show eh? So I’ve banned then eating cream cakes and from having carnal practices until after their first recording is made and released.

My butler got a call from Inchcock this morning, it seems he’s recovering yet again and is not happy with my plans for the geriatric group.

So I called to see him again and took him in the alley and we had words.

He soon saw it my way and I told A&E on the way out where to find the body.

So the New Zimmer Frame Squeaks will be performing next week at the Ukrainian Okaboogu Social Club in Nottingham, and if all goes well, the following week they should be on Z Factory.

I’ve hired fleet of mobility scooters for them at a very reasonable charge.

“Well” replied Shirley, “that sounds fair enough to me, shall we go for a drink now gal?”

“You bet Missy!”

And off they went and got paralytic.

More news to follow when Shirley goes to the Nursing Home to interview Inchcock before he croaks out!

Inchcock Today: Wed 7th January 2015

Up at 0210hrs. Laid thinking about the dreams I’d had.

WC’d, started laptop went and made a cuppa.

Couldn’t recall too much of the dream just bits:

I was having for some reason I can’t remember to run between different shops and was panicking, rushing and feeling under great pressure. Some of the shops I remember as one’s that I’d worked at others were new to me? I had a pack of mezuzah’s with me and was attaching one to each door I entered? That’s all I recall of that dream.

In another, I was on an oil tanker at sea, and was running around (again) trying to sell everyone on board, and there were many more crew members than needed, in fact I think some were falling off the ship into the sea, but seemed happy to do so… to sell them each a packet of cooked chestnuts? I think I and everyone else were speaking in French? Not that I can speak French… but?

WC’d.

Stomach churning, chest congested and I was coughing again. Arthur Itis and angina lingering again. All in all, not feeling too good today. Even worse when I heard the wind banging the letter box flap and the rain belting down!

Then the Coreldraw9 or laptop stopped me from viewing anything before I imported it! Turned everything off and restarted but it wasn’t having it at all.

Depressed about that – but it was letting me watch YouTube again, so I did until it was time to get missen scrubbed-up and down ready for the Iceland delivery between 1100 > 1300 hrs.

WC.

Had a cuppa took me medications and read me book while I waited. As the possible delivery time neared I took me reading glasses up as I went to the WC so as not to leave the door in case the delivery came.

Continued reading me book until the Iceland van arrived – took it in and put the stuff way but was a tad confused (Not a rarity I know!), when found two packs of Chicken legs had been delivered. Don’t recall ordering them, but knowing me?…

Set off but not on a walk as originally planned due to the wind and rain, and caught a bus into Mansfield using me Pensioners Bus-pass of course.

Read some more of me book en-route. I was going to take some photos out of the bus window but they were were too muddied.

When I got into Mansfield bus-station I waddled down to the open Market. There was a police van parked on the market, no one it it and not many folk about either.

The rain was still coming and it was getting a little gloomy.

I poddled around and made my way up the hill to the B&M store and popped in, but they nowt I fancied or needed on show. But I saw some really cute kids booties on sale that I took a photo of on display.

I left empty-handed and limped up the road to the Pound Stretcher outlet and had a wander around in there. They had the Warburton bread-thins on sale at £1, and some cans of All Day Breakfast at 89p so I invested in one of each.

I took a photograph of the end of a gondola that was displaying clearance-reduced in price clocks.

Top shelve £1.99

Next shelf down £3.99

Next shelf down £6.99

Rather good value I thought.

I retreated and out of the store s the security guard approached me!

As I came out it was like deja-vu of the last time I took a photograph from that place and angle – depressing!.

There was even more outlets for sale or to rent than two months ago.

A female warden was taking photos of the cars parked in between the lines. Despite the wind and rain she had a smirky-smile on her face bless her! Nice to see someone enjoying their job innit?

Walked back to the bus station and caught one back to Carrington.

The journey would have been pleasant if I had a TV and watched Coronation Street. A lady with a loud piercing voice shouted at her friend sat next to her and just to my left all the time about Coronation Street! It didn’t bother me really… bless her.

I dropped off the bus and the rain abated.

I was going to go directly back to the hovel, but didn’t like the look of three yobs sat on the bench near the cut-though drinking plonk. So I went the long way past St John’s Church.

While taking this photo a burk-on-a-bike belted passed me on the pavement, and skidded at the end of the road near the corner and came off of his bike.

Made my day that did.

Got in the hovel feeling a bit more cheerful thanks to the git on the pavement falling off his bike.

WC – made a cuppa and started the laptop, searched for me reading glasses for ages. Eventually found them in the bathroom where I’d taken them so as not to lose them this morning. Tsk!

Took me medications and finished off this diary.

Did some work on a graphic to use later, and coreldraw was letting me preview now? Not complaining at all mind. not while the wonderful picture of the yob toppling of his bike remains in my mind…

The “Zimmer Frame Squeak’s” Pop Group formed by Inchcock

Nottingham Pensioner inspired by Englebert Humperdink’s comeback!

Arnold George Dorsey was born in Madras one of ten children to British Army NCO Mervyn Dorsey, who was of Irish descent, and his wife Olive, who was of German descent.

His impression of Jerry Lewis prompted friends to begin calling him “Gerry Dorsey”, a name he worked under for almost a decade. A name-change to the more arresting Engelbert Humperdinck, borrowed from the German 19th-century composer of operas such as Hansel and Gretel. Dorsey adopted the name professionally.

On 1 March 2012, the BBC announced that Humperdinck would represent the United Kingdom in the final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2012.

Juan found out about this in 2014 during one of his rare moments of awareness.

Henglebert Eumperdink’s return to sing in the Euro-vision Song Contest for England, has inspired the Nottingham pensioner and former Bottle Cork Tester Juan Inchcock to form a musical group from within his Nottingham City Hospital Rehabilitation Group members.

Manager and lead singer of the group Inchcock (69) commented on the forming of the group to our reporter Lint Onitt:

“The group currently consists of Arthur Itis (71), Cis Titus (60), Anne Gina (67), Con Genital (59), Ed Imma (82), Dee Zees (63), and Harry Thmia (63), but of course any one could pop their clogs at any-time, so we have a few reserves to replace them as and when we do drop off like.”

We waited while Mr Inchcock coughed up some blood-laced black gooey phlegm, limped to the WC to pass water, returned looking pale and shaky, smiled, adjusted his hearing aids and then continued:

“Our first recording is a mix of Bernard Bresslaw’s ‘They were making mad passionate love’, Bernard Cribbin’s ‘Right said Fred’, and Morecome & Wises ‘Boom Oooh Yatatata’, with a backing sounding similar to ‘Your a Pink toothbrush, I’m a blue toothbrush’ from Max Bygraves.”

I was flabbergasted, Juan had caught my attention with that statement.

Mr Inchcock scratched at his impetigo, and picked at the welts on his hands for a while, hobbled to the WC again, and returning muttering to himself about the Outer Mongolian Gungo bean crop being down by 2.6% in 1969, rubbed his arthritic knees then added:

“Although some parts of the recording were originally made in 1959, we think this song will impress the younger generation – when we first played it to the Rehabilitation staff here at the centre, they were speechless!”

He struggled to the WC, continuing when he returned covering his flies area with his welt covered finger bent crooked hands:

“And the sound is original too, not many songs out there that are recorded using a bazooka, comb and paper, and live recordings from the operating theatre!

We call our group ‘The Zimmer Frame Squeak’s’…”

At this point Mr Inchcock coughed, went white, passed wind and collapsed in a flabby heap on the floor, and was collected by the porters, carried to the WC and then taken out through the back doors.

Group member Arthur Itis (71) called out “Right I’ll take over now, we’ll do Bill Hayleys ‘Rock around the clock instead now Juan’s clocked out!”

If he survives, we will try to bring you more on this new old genre in music!

Inchcock Today: Tuesday 6th January 2015

Kept waking up throughout the night and each time I think I remembered parts of different dreams, but foolishly did not write any notes to trigger me into remembering them later to record here. Had a feeling I really wanted to, but no.

Got up at 0315hrs. Started laptop and made a cuppa.

WC’d.

Finalised and posted yesterdays Diary. Then started this one up to here… felt so low again for some reason.

The angina was okay, Arthur Itis still bad, the ulcer was okay, but I had specks of blood in both ear-holes?. I cleaned the ear-pieces of them both yesterday, wondered if I did not rinse them fully?

WC then another cuppa and took me medications.

Pottered about on Facebook and did some graphics for the TFZ stite.

Got the things ready to take to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop. Then had a scrub up and got ready to go on me walk into Sherwood. Radio Nottingham said it was gong to be -3c tonight. Tsk!

Raining this morning bit windy but not cold now.

Set off on me walk up the first hill and down, where took a photo of the traffic half way down.

The ran seemed to be lessening somewhat now – but the twit in the Mercedes still turned into the side road without signalling.

I carried on down the hill and up the next to the Hospice shop and dropped me stuff off.

Came out and stood at the bus-stop, where I had an interesting conversation with an elderly lady took place. (I think – we were both wearing hearing aids):

Me: “The rain seems to be easing off a bit!”

The Lady: “They all say it’s due to the Poll Tax yer know!”

Me: “Yes?”

End of conversation.

I wonder what it was she thought I’d said? I was going to ask her but thought that would get us into an even deeper verbal pickle.

Bus to town and walked down to the City Centre to catch the tram to Bulwell. They were taking down the Winter Festival buildings this morning.

All I was going to Bulwell for was to take photographs of the market, feed the ducks and see if could get some of them blackcurrant ice-cream lollies.

Got into reading me book and nearly missed me stop!

Went to the river Leen bridge and there were a few mallards today, so fed the little darlings.

The shopping trolley was still in the river. Tsk!

I wandered over to Fultons food shop but had none of me lollies in. They did have some microwave sausages in on special price though, so got a tray. They’ll be me nosh for tonight.

Called in other shops but no lollies.

B&M stores had Heinz Curry flavoured beans at 4 for a quid. The bags were getting heavy now.

They also had some kids winter footwear at £3.99 to £5.99 on sale. They looked alright too, a bargain there for the ankle-biters shplifters… I mean parents.

Into the Pound Shop and got a bag of bird-seed and a can of fabric freshener. Very good when the wind emmissions get naughty you know!

Then into the market for a look around.

As I made my way to the bus-station the sky turned rather threatening again straight in front of where I was, but it was clear to the left and right?.

The rain started to get heavier and I sheltered under a bus-stop until the bus arrived.

I started nodding off on the bus, so got me book out and had a read like.

Phlegm coming up when I coughed now.

As I walked down the street to the hovel, I noticed a flower box with, maybe they were primroses battling the elements and growing in January.

I got in and WC’d and made a cuppa, started the laptop and made loads of microwave sausage sandwiches and set about demolishing them, followed by a Lemon yoghurt, ice lolly and a mousse and another cup of tea and me medications!

The stomach rumbled, the knees were painful, Arthur Itis was in a bad mood

Did some blogging and Facebooking and tiredness overcame me so I got me head down earlier then normal… Zzzzz…

Inchcock Today: Sun 4th/Mon 5th January 2015

Sunday 4th January 2015

What an odd dream, and I could remember some of it in detail this time:

I was stood in a massive luxurious gold plated bath with a sink inside it and a tool-box full of me medications and tools…

I could see myself putting the Haemorrhoid cream on my knees instead of backside, the Painphor cream in my backside instead of me arthritic knees and calling to myself to stop… but I couldn’t hear myself warning me and then started eating the toothpaste, tube and all?

Something about my being young again and cuddled sat on the knees of a large lady…

Suddenly I was in the town centre walking across the slab-square juggling me pots of medications and singing something while being dive bombed by Warfarin tablets dropped by mini Stuka aircraft?.

All through this particular dream I was watching rather than being and doing. if you know what I mean?

Ah-well. It was different to me usual dreams… I think?

Arose 0315hrs and WC’d dropping me long distance glasses into the porcelain and cursing a bit as I retrieved and cleansed them. Tut – good start that thought)

Then I went down to make a cuppa and took me medications.

Spent the rest of the day just doing blogging Facebook etc.

Monday 5th January 2015

0050hrs: Up and feeling so low for some reason.

WC.

The dream seemed to me like it had lasted so long. Full of frustrations from the past: I was working in a vast factory in security and was frustrated that I could not get every thing done in time… gatehouse duties, lorries in and out, checking loads, chasing around many units warehouses etc. All the buildings were made of planks of wood?

I felt depressed and frustrated for some reason this morning.

Went down to make a cuppa and boy did it feel cold downstairs! Found the heater in the front room had packed up – struggled to swap it with the one in the kitchen and that worked okay.

Brought me tea up and started the laptop – still a feeling of apprehension hung over me.

WC.

I started doing this dairy when the stomach started churning again and the ulcer gave me bother for the first time in ages. The knees and feet still bad.

Want to get the laundry done today. (Or do I?)

WC.

Made a cuppa and took me medications and Facebooked for a while.

This morning I found the laptop was allowing me to watch videos, only on YouTube mind, so I watched an old Law & Order UK episode.

I then got myself spit and polished and got the laundry things ready – two biggish bags-full again, and set off to the launderette.

Mandy was on duty and we managed a natter or two as I used one of the big machines that took all load of washing in one go – mistake that!

When it had stopped spinning and I went to take the togs out to put in the drier I found they were really wet. I mentioned this to Mandy and she said “Yes, the big machine spins at a slower speed that’s why.

I wish she’s told me that when I was putting the stuff on, ’cause it took £3.40 to get them dried. So by using the big machine instead of two smaller ones I’d saved 40p, but spent an extra £1.40 and an extra twenty minutes was needed to get em dry! Tsk!

Me chin needed shaving again by the time I got back to the flea-pit. (Joking there)

I put the togs away and set off for a walk into town, not a comfortable one but easier than the last walk anyway.

En-route I came across yet another piece of Nottingham Street-Art.

I walked through the Victoria centre so I could take a photo of the traffic from the high walkover. On the way through I was sorry to see they had blocked off one side of the walkway because someone was in difficulties of sort sort on the floor near an entrance to the shops and being tended by several folk while waiting for a paramedic.

*Nice mix of the old and new buildings?*

On the walk-through I took me photo, not many folk about now Christmas and New Year have been and gone.

The muggers, pickpockets, Big Issue sellers and shoplifters must be having a break now.

I went into the Pound Shop and got some microwaveable Sausage Butties then back into Victoria centre and had a walk around the Market. Very sad, so many stalls unoccupied. The same in Derby as well.

Then I popped into the cheapo sweet shop and got some chocolate bars, then into Tesco.

Got some bread and lemon yoghurt… and do you know, I found a pack of French Cream Horns had found it’s way into me basket. Amazing that was!

The old knees and feet were stinging a bit now.

So I slowly made be way to the bus-stop. Passing ‘House of Fraser’ store window and this is what saw and could not resist photographing.

I mean, the jeans on the right have got tears and holes in them and appear to have shrunk!

And those on the left look like they’ve not been ironed at all! And what’s the mouse looking thing near the crutch all about?

Fashion? Tsk!

As I exited the centre I spotted a driving-school car parked on the double-yellow lines. A Nissan Cube it were, and I thought could Mike Steeden be doing a second job here in Nottingham, cause I know he drives one yer know?

F1 driving school it were, I’ll ‘ave to look into this. Or not of course.

I poddled through Trinity Square and sneaked the pigeons some seed. I must stop doing this yer know – one day I’m going to get an instant £60 on-the-spot fine for it I’m sure.

I like the speeding three pigeons flying in at a belting pace from the right.

Down to the bus-stop and caught one straight away.

Some poor devil on the bus had a loud grating chesty cough that constantly burst out and annoyed some of the passengers? They were looking at her and tutting between each other.

Can you believe that? Poor woman, I gave her a smile as I got off the bus and said as loud as I could “Sorry your suffering with that horrible cough Madam, I do hope it eases for you, take care”. I hoped that might shame the moaners, but expect it had no effect at all on them.

Hobbled back to the dump and put me bit of food away.

WC’d.

Started the laptop and made a cup of good strong tea.

Then rubbed some Phorpain gel into me knees.

Set about updating this diary and AVG gave me various messages and needed a computer restart.

So I restarted it.

For me nosh I had sweet curried baked beans with sapocka loin and fresh bread, follows by two iced lollies, a yoghurt a lion bar and a pot of mousse. I can always tell when I’m getting down because my foos intake increases. Oh, and the two Fresh Cream French Horns that mysteriously appeared in me basket in Tesco – then took with me medications. Tsk!