Inchcock Today – Saturday 16th December 2017

Saturday 16th December 2017

0117hrs: I woke and activated, amazingly at the same time as my brain this morning. The thoughts were belting around a little tolutiloquently to start with but soon settled into some semblance of logicality. I knew I had had some dreams, but could recall nothing about them at all. This is so annoying because some days I can remember bits to record, others, blanks like today.

liberated my flabby body and aching limbs from the clutches of the oh, so comfortable and warm £300 second-hand recliner, and off to the Porcelain Throne. Where, nothing but wind escaped, despite my being patient and sorting out the problems with Brexit and pondered on the future for Britain in my mind, as I sat there in my failed missions of passing something other than wind and sorting out Brexit. Haha!

I accepted defeat in the evacuation stakes and left the wet room.

Going into the front room, I noticed that the parcel of the winter boots delivered yesterday had fallen onto the floor.

How did I see this, I hear you ask? I tripped over the blooming thing!

The landing with the right hand outstretched and bending the hand inwards started Arthur Itis off, and I believe I said something like, “Well fancy that!” I thought of Doug in America after doing this, we seem to both share the Whoopsiedangleplopitis. Hehehe!

I opened the parcel to take a look at the boots. The paperwork gumpf in the bag with it weighed as much as the footwear did! The cardboard stuck in the boot s to stop them collapsing was thicker than the boot linings!

I put some of the Phorpain Gel on the wrist and hand, as I took the medications and did the Health Checks.

Got the computer on, and updated the Friday post, sent it off. Then, Windows informed me of updates coming in giving the option of restarting now or later. Being as the innards were requesting I make another visit to the Porcelain Throne, I pressed reset now and limped to the wet room. This time, the Lenigrad book got a couple of chapters read as I failed to pass anything substantial, just more wind. Then Reflux Roger started giving me some grief.

I got back to the computer and found the Windows updating had finished, I clicked to see what was in the updates and got this:

Plainly, I had gotten confused somewhere along the line and pressed something wrong, for there were no updates for today on the list? I’m not a confident person, and things like this, or unnecessary criticism don’t do my spirits a lot of good. Humph!

I emptied the computer Recycle Bin. That made a bit of room.

Made a start on this post. During which I consulted my scribbled scrawl on the dedicated notepad. I bet you all wondered how this old fart remembered what to write? So, my secrets out now. Haha!

The thing is, I could not make out what I wrote here in the circle? Whatever it was, I did this next. Sad innit?

Went to make another mug of tea and took this photographicalisation from the kitchen window. To the North (My right) this time, the light on the right coming from my other room in this leaking windows luxurious flat. (Touch of sarcasm sneaked in there I see.)

Then, stabbing pains in the stomach and a third summoning to the Porcelain Throne. Sure, this time of success, I hobbled to the wet room and deposited my increasingly obese bulk on the strained plastic seat and waited… Nothing happened until I was into the second chapter of the book, then; Spurt plop. One tiny bit, no bleeding. I washed up and decided to risk taking another Senna tablet.

Made yet another mug of tea, took the Senna and went on to the WordPress Reader.

Did some prep-work on the next graphic. Blimey, I finished it all! Took about four hours, but as funny graphics go, I was reasonably pleased with the result. (Swank Mode Adopted) Hehehe!

Ablutions all done. I decided to have long hobble into Arnold to Asda get some curried baked beans (5), Stilton Mini-Cheese biscuits (3) (They had none in again), Piccolo tomatoes.

I took this photo just before evacuating the flat. ? Because I thought it looked beautiful.

As an after-thought, I washed out the Bates Motel hand towel and hung it up in the shower room to dry a bit.

I made sure I’d got the card, glasses, umbrella, hearing aids in and started my walk to the lift. Where I turned around and went back to the apartment to collect the camera and mobile phone. (I know, sad!)

Set off again. Down the shuddering noisy elevator, out over the road and up the gravel hill to the top, and stopped to take a photograph of the sparse, leafless trees in the copse, getting the flats in the picture looking back at them.

Plenty of dogs taking their owners for walks and refusing to fetch the balls. (Hehe!) The lovely lady with the old greyhound was coming the other way on the downward on the path to Mansfield Road. She was kind enough to have a chinwag with me and allow me to make a heck of a fuss over her dog, a retired Greyhound she had taken on and was now living with her and her own greyhound. She only takes them for walks individually. I was in no rush, I’d cunningly timed it to allow myself an hour and a half to walk to Arnold and the Asda store, which should leave me time to call in the Arnot Hill Park to feed the mallards with time to spare.

Said my farewells to the lady and dog, and got some (For me), some severe forced hobbling in to make the time up.

By gum was cold this morning, so glad I had the hat, extra jumper and gloves on.

I all but did a Whoopsiedangleplop on the ice near the lights.

Further along, I came to the United Carpet shop, I used when I first moved into the Woodthorpe Court flats a few years ago.

Approaching Daybrook, my mind reflected on the Carpet Right store there, and I stopped opposite and stewed for a moment or two before taking these photographs.

The bitterness still lingered after all this time, at the way I was treated so shabbily.

The sign that fooled me into thinking that the Fitting was Free was still there –  with the minuscule lettering at the bottom: “When you buy the equivalent of Airstrip or Treadmore underlay – Stair surcharge applies”. Swines! I also had to pay the carpet fitters in cash – and they broke my Virgin box connection off of the wall and denied it! The van they came in was rusty, no tax disc and the two youths had rings in their noses and ears, not that I could see them clearly with all the tattoos, and they frit me to death almost, and I was scared into not complaining overly firmly. (Coward!)

Just a word or two of warning there, for any other sucker looking to buy and have carpet fitted by this company and their franchisees, like.

I hypothetically spat out memories and moved on. (Well I think I did, once I work out what hypothetically means, like, Hehe!)

Arrived at the Arno Hill Park and made my way to the pond and fed the birds.

It was frozen over. Many birds in the trees suffered attacks from the seagulls while I was there. They even swooped at a little Yorkie dog as I was going out of the gate at the other end.

I got the fodder as mentioned earlier, from Asda, by now it was questionable if I could make it in time for the L9 bus. I used the self-serve tills as the others had long queues at them. All went well this time, and I left and went to the bus stop. Being a Saturday, if I missed this one, it would mean a two-hour wait for the next and last one.

I got to the bus stop with six minutes to spare and hoped that it had not gone early. Twenty minutes later it had not arrived. I took a photograph of the new Asda filling station that used to be a  police station across from the bus stop.

Then the girl (About 40 actually) from the Briarwood 24 hour care home on Chestnut Walk up from the flats, arrived. Just as the L9 bus came. Good timing gal! We had a chinwag or two all the way back to the apartments. She told me last week that it was her birthday early January and I got her a box of chocolates. I told her this, and when we got back to Sherwood, she waited while I nipped up to the flat and returned with them for her.

Back up afterwards, the feet stinging, and very cold, but other ailments all being fair to me. Inside the apartment, I swear it was as cold as outside, despite the heat coming from the radiators. I ended up leaving the jumper on and putting the dressing gown on as well. Brrr!

Got the fodder out ready and put the new bits away. I flavoured the beans with some Vegemite and Maple Syrup. Blown if I can find the mustard?

Updated this blog. A bit concerned about the lack of Porcelain Throne success today.

Made a map of the hobble route. But missed off the last bit. Tsk!

The git upstairs is making noise again.

Every weekend the same. Hey-ho!

Getting very tired now after the early start again.

I went for a wee-wee, and guess what happened? Go on, guess. Hehe!

I got a face full of wet towel, I’d forgot about washing and hanging up the Bates Motel towel earlier. You’ve got to laugh! Hahaha! Clot!

Then, as I was getting it down, the hook came detached from the hanger. Fancy that happening to me.

Got the beans warming up slowly and kept nipping in to stir them.

Then I heard the letterbox snap. Or at least I thought I did. Went to the door and nowt was sticking in the box or laying on the floor?

Could the Aliens or Goblins have returned?

Went to check and stir the beans later. And it became apparent what the noise had been caused by the brush falling off of the pans handle. A lot of mysterious things happening today. The shoes falling off of the Ottoman as well earlier?

Turned off the computer and got the nosh served up.

The noise from the bloke upstairs was terrible again.

Still no signs of any need for the Porcelain Throne.

Did the Health Checks and took the medications, leaving off the extra Senna just in case.

So tired now, but not feeling any effects from the mini-marathon hobble, apart from a little ache in the thighs.

Put the TV on, Police Interceptors was on, but I didn’t get to the first commercial break before I was off and gone. Only to be woken by the ‘Herbert’ upstairs making noise again.

2 thoughts on “Inchcock Today – Saturday 16th December 2017

  1. Your graphics are so wonderful. I loved the ones from yesterday, so whimsically beautiful and hilarious. The ones from today, with the scathing text, just my thing. Sorry about the wind. I have this same problem, which recalls me of an adolescent graffiti often left on walls in restrooms in American public universities, and it goes like this: “Here I sit all broken-hearted, meant to shit but only farted.” This anal function is so uncomfortable that university-aged children have made a rhyme about it in America, which means it affects us at all ages! Still can’t delete from my mind the middle-aged woman dancing around in a uniform in front of the ice cream truck with the various dogs lounging about! You’re nailing this blogging thing in ways that will make me drink some fucking tea in the morning yet again! Instead of coffee. In the mood for pork knuckles too. And tomato. Instead, stewed beef with mash.

    • Cheers, Sir.
      Toilet wall humour, haha! Often crude, but the rare bit of witty-genius found.
      I tend to name my various ailments, I was thinking of naming the WC… calling it Willow, then I could write about Wind in the Willows? Haha!
      Stewed beef with mash sounds good to me.

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