Satire – Page 76 – Inchie Today

Inchcock Today Wed 25 Nov 15: Huh!

Wednesday 25^th November 2015

Woke at 0220 hrs, depressed and feeling sorry for missen over yesterdays Woes and cock-ups.

The house sale being put on hold once again is really frustrating, as twice the solicitors who have put the stop on, have informed me that all they need to progress has been received, my going down twice to talk with them and getting soaking wet in the process, and as I say being assured they have all they need now to progress – this third stoppage and their demanding a valid passport and or driving licence with photo – and my not having either – yet I explained this to the woman at reception in the offices on my last visit and she phoned someone and got a call back, then she told me if I supplied my NI number on an official document that would suffice. I had a wage slip, the last one where I got my redundancy pay and she photocopied it – I AGAIN asked her if she had everything needed to progress now, she assured me they had AGAIN.

Then getting the letter yesterday telling me everything had stalled because I had not supplied a valid passport or driving licence and must get in touch with them urgently.

Then I told Deana the flats coordinator who had called to check my health-alert wristband, and she rang them (The comically called Solicitors FraserBrown) for me and got an answer-phone. It’s very frustrating – no, bloody frustrating!

I could do with someone with a bit more umph than I, going with me for a fourth (Or is it fifth now?) time and trying to sort out once and for all what’s what here!

Now, I await an answer from Steve Age UK – not much chance of that I fear for some reason. Or the so-called solicitors getting back in touch with Deana and Deana getting in touch with me… and a plan of action designed… or summat!?!

Made a cuppa, but I’m feeling morose and bitter.

I called Steve UK no answer – left a message asking him for advice. (Fool that I am, I actually expect I might get some, but not yet…)

Laptop on finished Tuesday’s diary. Then started this off, but with little enthusiasm. I feel so depressed again now, convinced I cannot win whatever I do and am doomed to failure frustration and desperate measures. Sorry, but that is how I feel.

Desperately need progress, good news and or a bit of good fortune here if I am not going to lose it.

Steve Age UK is so busy with other clients so to speak. At least he’s helped me get out of the old place and avoid the yobs, but into all this bother with the selling of the house. Deana is trying for me, but the solicitors FraserBrown of Friar Lane Nottingham that the Nottingham Building Society engaged for me to use are just not being helpful at all, each time I tell them I have not got a valid passport or driving licence… then they assure me they have everything needed when I asked the specific question of the receptionist and am assured I get on a high, only to be brought down again with another letter like the one yesterday demanding what they have already demanded to progress with the sale, and down I go again. Help of some sort must be available, I’m not sure I can cope with so many let-downs, oh sod-it.

Now today, I have to wait in, just in case someone calls to explain the storage heaters to me. Not that I have any interest in doing anything anyway, other than involved with the damned solicitors and getting the sale of the house moving again… See, I’m back on this subject again. This is doing me health no good, although I don’t seem bothered about that, it suddenly has little value or worth to me now – I might ring someone up for real help with me mind going warped? But who?

I made another cuppa and took me medications, plenty of them around, can they be the answer? Hehe!

No point in writing when I feel like this really, I’m only going to moan and moan and feel sorry fer missen

0350 hrs now. I’ll write more when some good, or at east neutral news arrives.

Got an email from Deana the coordinator saying she asked the FraserBrown woman who is supposedly dealing me house sale if a bus pass would suffice as picture ID? She didn’t know (Fraser Brown strike again?) but would ring back.

That was yesterday, Deana told me via email reply that she’s still waiting to hear from FraserBrown so called solicitors of Friar Lane in Nottingham.

I had a good bath and shave – only one cut today, I’m getting better… well the hands are shaking less despite me being uptight.

Did a mammoth sneeze when coming out of the warm bathroom into the cold hallway – one of hearing aids I’d just put back in popped out!

Even I managed to laughed at this Whoopsiedangleplop… then again when I struggled to get up after bending down to retrieve it. Haha! Can’t have this laughing in case FraserBrown the imitation solicitors get to hear of it. (Oh I’m getting sarky now!)

Checked the thermometer in the kitchen, and it’s up to 58ºf.

For some reason I thought about the mystery disappearance of me Dixon of Dock Green DVD and had another look around for it – humph!

The mail arrived, two for Margaret the previous tenant, two for the Dynamic Nottingham Pensioner… me.

The INR Warfarin blood level results and new doses. INR is down to 1.7 and the doses increased.

The other one was from Nottingham City Homes re the visit I’d stayed indoors all day for someone who was calling today to advise me on how the storage heaters are controlled properly – to inform me that someone would be calling on Wed 9th December between 12.30 > 1630 hrs to advise me on how the storage heaters are controlled properly. Tsk! No problem I’ll have croaked out with pneumonia by then! Hehe!

Fell asleep and when I woke up an hour or two later, I decided, feeling down a bot still, I’d cheer missen up and watch me Life on Mars DVD, not watched it for years now.

I tried to get the slot thingy in the TV to accept the DVD – only two buttons on the DVD slot, pressed the in different combinations and eventually the missing Dixon of Dock Green DVD came slowly out of it!

P1020516 I put it in the box with the other DVD and inserted the Mars DVD – eventually getting it going after much guesswork with the remote control thingamajig.

Got the DVD going and fell sleep again. could I get it (the DVD) out of the TV again? I imagine this is what happened with the Dixon DVD earlier?

I couldn’t see any eject button on the remote? Toshiba are tosh! Played again with the buttons, got into a TV mode I knew nowt about – turned it off and on again, more buttons tried and the DVD still remains in the slot?

Made a cuppa and then checked emails to find another one from Deana.

More professional confidence boosting message from the farcical solicitors FraserBrown Incompetents, and no apology!

They’ve certainly mucked me about, lied to me and given me many nervous and worrying sessions. I just hope that this time they do not change their minds again… The Sneezlegobbling nerve testing gits!

No wonder me ulcer’s started off again. Can I sue them do you think? No, then they would start doing their job properly if they had to defend themselves. Swines! They seem to be hanging out the sale of me house for some reason?

I put the TV into TV mode and watched some police programms… well, that was the plan. Fell asleep, doing an awful lot of this nowadays.

Woke early hours.

Must remember to increase me Warfarin tablets in the pots I’ve done up in advance tomorrow.

Hello, the stomach’s rumbling again.

Nodded off again…

Inchcock Today Tue 25 Nov 15: Laundry laughter – Then Disaster

Tuesday 24^th November 2015

Woke around 0225 hrs, sneezing started again, temp in kitchen now down to 54ºf. Despite heat coming out of the storage heater in there.

No dream memories.

To the WC and found Little Inchy sticky, sore and sorry for himself. Cleaned him up again.

With falling to sleep so early last night I’d got no end of kip in, yet still felt so tired?

Laptop on and finished yesterdays dairy off.

Sorted some more medication pots and added them to those in the drawer for later, to make room for the new packets bottle and tubes if they are ready when I check with the chemist.

The tummy rumbled and off to the porcelain again – this time things were different, I reckon I am now 2-3lb lighter after that visit! Core… Hehe!

Back to the laptop with me cuppa and took me medications.

BJ should be calling later to lift me to the launderette. Made sure I’d got me bus-pass for afterwards, coinage, detergent etc in me bag or pockets.

Emailed, Facebooking and then titivated the kitchen a bit.

Had a wash and shave, took the rubbish to the chute and BJ rang, he’s on his way.

Met him outside and we were off to the launderette. Mandy was in good form today.

I felt a lot better now, but BJ was not in good form. That’s sister Jane, BJ and me all all with the same complaints, although being greedy I have a few extra. Hehe!

I nipped to the chemist and the prescriptions were ready.

Got the togs in the drier and went to take a photo of BJ and Mandy and what a clot, I’d left me camera card in the laptop again! Huh!

Popped into Lidl and got Frikadellens, pork pie and a vegetarian slice – a certain sign that I’m feeling better now.

BJ ran me to Asda with him and another sure sign – that he was not well showed as he cursed signalled and generally insulted so many other drivers en route… Ah well.

Got some more bits from Asda. Some green beans, carrots,cheese rolls and Sopocka – oh… and some Fresh cream French Horns fell in me bag again… Ahem!

BJ ran me back to the flats and I made me way up the lift home – nice word that!

WC’d then opened me bag of medications and rotated the stuff into me drawer.

Emptied the washing into the airing cupboard and hung some up on the clothes racks and… found a bag of washing that I should have taken with the others… oh I did feel a fool!

Got a phone call from Taxi driver demanding I let him in? Obviously another wrong number dialled.

Made a cuppa and cleaned the sink, for some reason it had gotted marked badly?

Deana the coordinator for the flats called to test my health alarm – letters had been delivered, one from Fraser Brown the solicitors AGAIN they want me to go in with ID documents – I went in last week (third visit) to tell the lady on reception that I do not have a current Driving licence as it has been returned to me poor health and being unfit to drive – and I have never owned a passport. The lady rang someone in the offices and they rang back to say me National Insurance number on a legal document would suffice – I found I had me last wage packet from when I was made redundant with me – she called someone again to confirm this would be sufficient and she made a photo copy – I asked her like I did the previous week, have you got everything needed now tp proceed with the sale and she like the previous week told me they had everything to proceed with the sale now. Now it’s all stopped again!

Today I get this letter from them!?!?!?!?!? ~ Swines!

Remember the name. Fraser Brown (They were recommended by the Nottingham Building Society too!) and be warned in case you come across the nincompoops yourself!

**Nosh after burning me finger, just before dropping it on the floor!**

Deana rang them but no answer, it was on answer-phone, she left a message asking them to ring her back. God I’m frustrated and pee’d off again now!

Made me nosh.

I’m getting bitter and twisted too ain’t I?

Summary of Woes today:

BJ unhappy unwell.
Ate too much.
Missed a bag of laundry off.
Lied to by my solicitors.
Let down over help with storage heating.
Nasty phone call from Taxi driver.
Burnt finger taking nosh out of oven.
Dropped nosh on floor.
No answer to calls to Steve Age UK.
Cough starting again.
Little Inchy bleeding again.
Feeling depressed and frustrated.

All in all – Pee’d off with life going wrong!

Fed-up!

Inchcock Today, Sneezing Away! Mon 23 Nov 2015

Monday 23^rd November 2015

Woke around 0315 hrs, sneezed myself awake and shivering! I didn’t think you could sneeze in yer sleep – I do now?

Feel so drained, but had to gerrup to go to the bathroom, in which I recalled some of the dreams I’d had, of course no pen in the bathroom so by the time I got, me business done and painfully cleaned up the dried clotted mess little Inchy was in, most of the recollections of the dream had gone into the ether. Remember a bit though.

Dream: I was back in the skyscraper buildings with battles going on all around as far as the eye could see, propeller driven fighter bombers similar to a De Havilland bombing, but with unknown markings, artillery fire, tanks soldiers... I don’t think I’ve had repeat dreams before, similar yes. In the bomb damaged and ravaged room I was in, I think Artillery sighting from, was part of an underground train?

Overall I was feeling a bit better this morning, not good, but better. I thought about what I had on today as I made a cuppa. Must have a bath this morning and good shave, cause last night I didn’t have either, I was so tired again.

Doctors 1000hrs for me INR Warfarin blood level tests, put the record card in me coat pocket and checked the bus-pass was there too while I thought of it. Seems an age since I’ve been out of the flat. Clinic at 1215hrs, and wondered as I now had some bread that has gone stale due to me not eating, if I could manage (weather permitting) to get to feed the ducks on the canal later? Oh, must get some bread as well.

The shakes seem to have gone, that’s another good thing this morning.

Laptop on and finished yesterdays diary.

Made another cuppa and took me medications.

Got me thick cardigan and ear-flap hat ready so as to wrap up nice and warm on me trip out. Thermal jumper, then a fleece, then me multi-pocketed sleeveless jacket, then me waterproof coat on top, and me ear-flapped hat of course.

Started this diary off and did the graphics, hard to concentrate again for some reason.

Flippin’ ‘eck, I just sneezed and I think I might have woke up me neighbours from several floors up and down! Hehe! Nearly fell out of me chair!

Started doing graphic in Coreldraw and got in a pickle with it. For some reason it had stopped me exporting and the layers moved on their own?

Gave up!

Did find a funny that appealed to me though, hope you like it folks:

Got the big bag and put me laundry into it ready for the morning when BJ lifts me to launderette. Did this now in case I fell asleep later when I got in like. Tsk!

Had a bath but didn’t get a good soak, too risky. Cleaned and medicated the needy parts of me anatomy: Knees, hands, rear-end and Little Inchy.

The odd sneeze, but they were getting less frequent now. Took the rubbish to the chute and got well clobbered up, ventured out to set off on me way into town and the clinic and possibly the canal if I have time to feed the ducks.

I called into the community shed and Deana and Obergruppenfurher Julie were both in. Told them about the temperature only being 55º F, and asked if someone could possibly call and explain properly how these storage heaters work for me please. Deana called someone then told me that someone was calling on Wednesday so make sure I was in all day.

This meant I was a tad late setting off so I decided I’d need to catch a bus instead of walking all the way to the GP for me INR Warfarin level test.

Unfortunately, I stopped en route to take a photograph of the Allotments down the hill.

Walked on down Winchester Street hill managing to just miss the bus.

Plodded on up the hill.

On the way another of the infamous Nottingham Pavement Cyclists belted passed me from behind making me jump a bit.

I had me camera in me had from earlier so managed to catch the little varmint on film.

It’s not as if it was busy with traffic was it?

If they are too scared to use the road, they shouldn’t be on a bike should they?

Over the hill and down into Carrington and into the GP surgery. Booked in and got me crossword book out.

The nurse called me and soon had me blood taken.

Out and waited for the specialist nurse to call me to have a look at me rear-end situation. After much prodding poking and digging she said things are the same and she was going to give it another few weeks before deciding if the strangulation procedure was needed. I left some nibbles for the gals when I gave them me request for some extra Codeine Phosphates.

Out and aught the bus into town dropping off at Victoria Centre shopping mall, where some of the new buildings were now revealed ready to open later.

This one a new American noshery it seems, called Coast to Coast.

Possibly it’ll be another one where you’ll need a mortgage to get a cup of coffee from?

Walked into the slab square where the Christmas stalls and rides were now trading, the Ice Rink was nearly ready to open.

As I walked down King Street a crowd of folk had gathered with what looked like stewards watching over them, then I spotted the Fire tender beyond them when I took the photo.

Transpired there had been a Fire Alarm somewhere in the Council House, where a wedding was taking place.

As I made me way to the clinic the Groom was returning to the registry office carrying his new bride with him!

Up to Angel Row and into the waiting area.

Presented me card and was ushered straight in? Never had that before!

This time I had new faces investigating me lesion on Little Inchy.

Much later when all the “Oohs and arghs” and hidden giggles suffered they said continue with the same cream. I told them I had none left – the tall woman said “Oh, we haven’t either… we’ll order some, it must be kept in the fridge you know this one? Told me to all back Friday when it should have arrived.

Feeling a bit sore from the prodding pulling and poking, I walked back to the slab-square. Decided the ducks will have to wait for their treats, due to me discomfort in me lower regions.

The stalls, food outlets and rides were all up and running now, but not many of the folk were showing much interest yet.

My knees were doing well today. Just as well, cause Little Inchy was giving me some stick after being examined in-depth. Hehe!.

I was soon on the L9 bus, timing was right for once to catch it.

Again somehow although I nodded of three or four times on the journey back, I woke in time to get off at the right bus-stop – but felt drained.

The rest of the day was wasted – nodding off, Cuppa, medications, WC, nodding off, WC, bite to eat, nodding off… you get the idea, I was kaput! Humph!

Inchcock Today Sun 22 Nov 15: Feeling

Sunday 22^nd November 2015

Woke around 0130 hrs, having fell asleep so early last night like.

Coughing, sneezing still, but the innards were a lot better mind, more gently rumbling rather that boiling and bubbling.

Bitterly cold in the flat despite me putting the heating up. So glad I had me new flap-hat to put on.

WC’d and medicated and cleaned Little Inchy.

Laptop started, cuppa made and medication pot out for later.

By the time I’d finished yesterdays diary and graphics off (between WC visits) it was 0436hrs!

Another cuppa, took me medications and started this diary off up to here.

Checked emails. Then did some Facebooking.

I’d forgot to post yesterdays diary – Tsk! So did it.

Feeling a bit weary suddenly, another dizzy and now shivering again. Decided not to have a bath yet until I feel better, so did some graphicalisationing… but couldn’t concentrate.

Not going out today either, going to get some serious sitting down doing nothing done until I feel perkier. Huh! The sneezing starting again now. Tsk!

Horrible day, hope to feel better in’t morning. Well enough to go to the doctors. Hehehe!

Inchcock Today Sat 21 Nov 15: Snow, rain, wind, sneezing, coughing and feeling sorry fer missen! Tsk!

Saturday 21^st November 2015

Woke around 0300hrs and made notes of dreams I’d had. Stomach still churning away and when I rose around 0400hrs having failed to get back to sleep, I realised I could not hear the winds, that’s nice I thought… the stomach rumbled.

Yesterday I recalled so much of me dreams, yet this morning, nothing. Other than a feeling I’d had many and they were not nice?

To the WC and lost a few minutes of the day on the throne, went into the kitchen to get me medications and put the kettle on still feeling tired and was greeted as I looked out of the window with Mist, rain and a light covering of snow?

Took a couple of photo’s, one by opening the widow and straight own outside to the car park.

Got me cuppa, took me medications and consulted me scribbled notes about the dream.

Some of the long list of notes I’d already forgotten about and made no sense to me. But so much detail for once. Funny that, one day you don’t remember owt but a sensation of yer dreams then rarely this happens? Perhaps it was because I’d had the dream late in the morning that I could recall so much?

Dream Memories: I was in a pub with gates all around that I recognised, even Dick Hack, the landlord of the Gladstone in Carrington was there, but we were all in a different pub I didn’t recognise really, or can’t now? Everything in mono, only colour was the dark blue sky and canal throughout.

I was running a tote or raffle and couldn’t help paying every one out for some reason… Angling club paraphernalia on the table… Altercations… Walking home with a brief case, dark, found myself on a coastal town wanting to get back to the pub… Had to break into a boat yard I think… Can’t recall what happened inside, but knew I had to escape to get back to the pub… The gates had been locked. Had to climb buildings on ledges and over rooftops, through passages repeatedly to get to the road I needed, every time the obstacles that stopped me were different, one time I got to the end of a wall and a canal or river blocked me getting through, tried the other end of the yard, up over the building and down the wall onto the road… I was free! Walked along the cost road and realised I’d left me raffle tickets in the boat yard? Back and limbed back into the yard and the layout was different took ages to find the raffle tickets, more obstacles to climb to get out… this happened several times… Eventually I recognised some buildings from my young days but kept taking the wrong route… Finally close to where I wanted to get to, I had to return one more time to the boat yard for some reason… talked with the security guards… climbed on the roof, came to a gable end with the canal below and slipped holding onto a leather strap that was tied for some reason to a rusting drain-pipe, hung on as it crumbled and realised this was it, nothing I could do – as the pipe broke and I began to fall – I woke up – so relieved it was a dream!

Shivering a bit this morning as well, no dizzies yet, so that’s good.

The mist began to clear outside, the mixture of rain and snow continued to fall.

Got the laptop on and made another cuppa, noticed the wind was getting up again. Tsk!

Caught sight of me mush in the mirror – it seems me face has blown up a bit, me cheeks were touching the bottom of me glass frames? Not a pretty sight! Hehe!

Made a start on this diary. I’m still amazed at how much I remembered of me dream.

With this weather I was pleased I’d got a nosh order being delivered today from Morrisons.

Shivering every now and then, the thermometer read only 55 in the kitchen. I tried to increase the output on the radiators. Rumbling innards continued. Although I was cold, got me jammies jumper and dressing gown on, I felt damp, sweaty? Most uncomfortable sensation.

Pressed on and checked me emails then did some Facebooking.

Blimey the bloomin’ winds gerrin’ up now, howling!

Finally done me Adsa order for next week and got the bath running.

Got me things ready and went down to wait for the bus, chin-wagged with other tenants a bit and caught the bus into town.

Got on the wrong one – dropped off in Sherwood and caught a ‘normal’ bus into town’.

Hence the young heads in the picture.

All I was needing really from town was a hat that tied around the chin to keep out the cold draughts in the flat, fresh cream French horns and call at the Bus Shop to get a new L9 route timer and planner to replace the one that the wind whisked out of me hands at the flats bus-stop and sent up in the sky in the direction of Birmingham.

I might ask Duncan Robertson to keep an eye out for it landing. Would you keep an eye out for it please Dunc?

It’s alright mate – I got one on the bus later. Hehe!

Once I was on lower ground the winds dropped a lot thankfully and although nippy in town the sun still tried to come out and the snow and rain dissipated altogether.

Feeling a bit better as I dropped off the bus and had a walk to the store, Primark again.

I walked down Clinton Street to the store.

Ended up getting a suitably warm draught excluding hat. Pictured here from later, me now sneezing with a bleeding, running and sore nose.

Wrapped up in me dressing gown and still shivering!

It looked like me brains were escaping from me right ear-hole. Hehe!

I also got another similar hat, gloves and a jumper.

Came out and wandered through the Christmas stalls and into the book store down the way a bit.

My warped mind told me I might get stuck in the flat when the bad weather comes, and that the internet connection, not good at the best of times might go down in the bad weather as I had been warned by other tenants who’d lived in the flats for years – so I allowed myself to buy two more books!

Over the other side of the slab-square and into the NCT bus outlet to get the L9 pamphlet/timetable.

But they didn’t have any.

Forgot about getting me cream cake, although I’d like to think will-power had triumphed?

Got on the L9 and some timetables were near the driver and I grabbed one. As the bus passed near Bentinck Court, I took photographs though the bus window as we passed by them.

These flats are built to the same design as Woodthorpe and Winchester ones where I reside.

They have just been modernised and updated. They are the same as us, for the elderly ~~shoplifters~~ Nottinghomians to reside in.

I love the new closed in balconies. That should help keep out the draughts when we get ours done… whenever that may be. Dean, the coordinator for both sets of flats reckons it might be in a year or so, and Julie her Obergruppenfurher assistant reckons it will be more like two years and rather downheartedly the press say three years?

On the bus I got a call, it was from the food delivery driver who was at the flats waiting to get in…? I was sure I’d got the timing right, but no… oh dear me. I apologised and told him I’m on the bus and would be there in about 15 minutes, which as it happened turned out right. He was parked up as I got off of the bus, and we went up the lift together.

Decent sort of chap, understanding. Off he went.

I WC’d, put the fodder away and feeling a bit perkier I made some nosh.

Sweet potatoes in batter, garden peas, beetroot, steak pie and sausage roll with caramelised onions. I really enjoyed this, and felt me taste-buds coming back into action.

After eating it, it was er… like someone turning on a light switch, it was that quick, the nose started bleeding, dizzies and the eyelids drooping and wiped me nose, only a tiny bit of blood, for some reason I took a selfie off me in me new warm hat, (photo higher up here) then I drifted off into slumber as if I hadn’t slept for months?

Inchcock Today Fri 20 Nov 15: The runs, dizzies and discombobulated. Humph!

Friday 20^th November 2015

Woke still feeling tired, later than usual at 0530 hrs.

WC’s, no smells today – but Little Inchy needed attentions again.

Made a cuppa and took me medications.

My mind seemed to be a little out of control this morning – racing away considering various topic, problems, of it’s own accord? Hard to describe, but for a moment I really thought ‘Hello, I’m losing it, my time is nigh… most weird.

Finished yesterdays diary of and posted it, but still not feeling too good. Dizzies started, stomach ache, can’t concentrate. All this after I felt so good last night too. Humph!

Didn’t risk a bath with feeling a bit unsteady in mind and body, so had a stand up bath and shave instead.

Got down in time for the bus into town.

Had a good chin-wag with the bloke for the 4th floor on the way into town – he had some fascinating stories to tell me.

Phoned Jane and Pete when I got into town to make sure I was alright to go see them earlier than planned, then caught the bus out to West Bridgford.

Old Fooey, bless him somehow knew I was there and came over for a fuss – this amazed Jane and Pete, the poor old cat being partially blind and almost deaf with arthritis as well..

I can’t help it, I adore him to bits.

They helped me back on me feet and made me a cuppa and a grand old natter ensued.

Jane had a cold and didn’t look too well, made an extra fuss of her. Pete showed me the damage to the garage and his car where the tiles had fallen off of next doors roof and through his garage door. Gave her some nibbles I’d taken for her – and she didn’t tell me off once!

Nipped off to catch the bus back into town, hoping I’d make it in time to catch the five passed L9 bus to the flats from King Street.

I didn’t, just missed it. Still felt a little puddled and could not remember some of the things I’d spoken with at Jane’s house.

I had an hour to kill so foolishly went in Primark for a look around and came out with 3 new pairs of undies and a jumper, Hey-ho!

Took a photo of ladies bags on display while I was in there, for the Troll Free Zone gals on Facebook.

Managed to get an ‘odd’ look from a supervisor on me way out with me own bags. Hehe!

Walked through the slab square where the Christmas Noshery stalls had opened and the skating rink was almost ready, think it was due to open later today.

Seconds after taking this photo the skies clouded over and it became a bit dark.

Still had a while to wait for the bus so I wandered around the block up through Clinton Street. Good job me knees were in good nick otherwise I might have got knocked off me feet by the many Nottingham shoplifters… what am I saying, shoppers I meant… rushing around in search of early bargains in the shops.

I called in Tesco on the way to the bus stop to see if they had some Fresh cream French Horn cakes in – they hadn’t, but that didn’t bother me in the least.

Had another dizzy at the bus stop, but only a very short one. The chap for the 4th floor arrived at the stop and we had another natter. When we got on the bus he told me some wonderful stories from his past again. He’s 86 years old and fitter than wot I am.

Got in the flat and used the porcelain, a bit runny and persistent and the stomach started rumbling afterwards?

Got the kettle on and made a cuppa then had to return to the WC for a repeat performance! It took so long the tea went cold and I had to make another cuppa.

I was wandering about a bit now, but not through the knees or dizzies – Mmm!

Might be a touch of flu?

Settle down to update this diary and started shivering a bit, and the wind was belting into the flat again then the rain started.

It got rather heavy too.

Went to get medications from the kitchen and swayed a bit en-route.

Then had to call at the porcelain again.

If things stay like this I might be in trouble. Still I’ve got me wrist alarm bracelet on.

Still hard to concentrate for some reason?

Did some Facebooking okay, and no more dizzies or wandering, just the runs. Six trips now in two hours – how is this possible.

Some lovely comments today.

I’ve asked one of me Cyber-carers Lynda if having soup for nosh is advisable. I actually feel like eating at the moment, not surprising I suppose cause I must have emptied me innards completely by now surely?

Did me emails checks.

Then found I had not emptied me innards completely by now surely, and even had a dizzy on the way to the bathroom!

Took me medications and put a tin of soup in’t pan, and had it with some bread… in betweens trips to the bathroom – getting fed-up with this now… Hehehe!

Hope I get some peace soon from the innards. Head-down sounds a good idea…

TTFN all.

Inchcock Today Thu 19 Nov 15: Woke up a little puddled…

Thursday 19^th November 2015

Did a lot better with staying awake tonight, no nodding of until 2100hrs, the blinking started and I reckon I must nodded of dozens of time for a few minutes and each time I woke it was for a few seconds only then drifted off to find when I woke around 0400hrs needing the WC, confusion reined in me brain – really odd… I felt a tad confused as to where I was and why I was here in a flat, yet I knew where everything was, the layout etc?

In the WC and it all became clear where and why and how I got here and a feeling of great joy that I had got here. Bit weird that sensation?

Kettle on, tried hot water it was back on again, made a cuppa and took me medications.

Laptop on and the stomach started to churn a bit again, not the ulcer or reflux this time, the innards. Still, made a change dinnit! Hehe!

Looking forward to having a good bath and soak later. Can’t do it yet, too early. The waterworks make a noise and might disturb me neighbours like.

Finished off yesterdays post, and checked emails.

Started this diary and graphics.

Went to make another cuppa and the view from the kitchen window was startling, so I tooketh a photograph of it.

The rain had stopped, the wind had dropped and all was looking good.

Started Facebooking for a while, well a long time actually.

BJ rang on the land-line, he’s coming for a cuppa at 1100 hrs.

Got a jolly-good soak in the bath, shaved, teggies done and nipped down to the lobby to meet BJ when he arrives at 1100 hrs. Took some nibbles with me and the crossword book.

One of the lifts had conked out – hey-ho.

Settled in a chair in the lobby where I could see if BJ arrived as he’s park in the disabled places across the road from the door.

Handed some nibbles to the lady tenant who was doing her laundry.

1100 hrs came and went, not surprised in the least, BJ has never been on time since I’ve known him. Such a decent chap though.

1140 hrs he arrived.

Up to the lift, I the flat and we had a damned good natter for over an hour, had a strong cup of tea, and reminisced .

He then helped me get the mat laid properly. I gave him his birthday present. He agreed to pick me up next Tuesday to go to the launderette and departed.

A few minutes later he rang, he was outside the door. Opened it and he had bad news – the other lift had gone kaput now!

Poor chap had to walk down 12 floors to get to his car.

Glad I had no plans to go out today… well I had, but it wasn’t important. Wonder when they will get the lifts sorted?

Made myself another cuppa and got the laptop on to update this amazing diary (Hehe).

Started the graphics for me latest post.

Took me hours and hours, to get them something like right, but I enjoyed doing them like.

“Inchcock Shows Signs of Contentment”

Then did the text, that just flowed easily and naturally – it’s rubbish and bad English but I think it’s fun.

Got me nosh in the oven and in the pan and called me sister Jane to see how she was. Good chin-wag and it transpires I am allowed to visit her tomorrow before 1300hrs as long as I call first to make sure they will be in.

Beefy oven chips, chilli with black bean sauce and the last two cheesy cobs, followed by orange jelly and spray-cream.

Rated this one 9/10.

Did the washing up and sat down to read me book…. Zzzz…

Inchcock Shows Signs of Contentment – Investigation to follow…

Unheard of Inchcock Symptoms Disclosed!

Medical experts and fellow bloggers today found out that Inchcock was showing signs of Contentment this morning.

A stand-by rapid response team was despatched to his flat on the 12th floor in Nottingham post haste. Led by Duncan Robertson head of the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Union.

Gary Hoadley delayed by unforeseen circumstances

Unfortunately the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Union’s Riot Controller Gaz Hoadley (22) could not respond with the team due to his return home from his holiday in New York being delayed by unforeseen circumstances.

The Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists Members preparing to go into battle to save Inchcock by adorning protective equipment.

The team, all worried about Inchcock’s attack of Contentment were soon on the scene.

Inchcock Gazette reporter Kentucky Angel interviewed Duncan as the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists were preparing themselves to enter Inchcock’s premises: She asked him why it was taking so long to gain entry?

“There are so many dangers in their Angel. Many unknown to those not within the bloggers circle – we must protect ourselves from diseases not commonly encountered and obstacles within the premises, I know I been in there! also to avoid catching anything ourselves…”

“What do you mean?”

Well we have make sure me know where his walking stick and three grabbers are located to avoid falling over them you see.

Also we must know where his medications, and used pads, bandages and elastica are stored.

And, we are sure of his current condition you see… if he’s come back to his usual depressed, moronic, not knowing what’s going on condition there will be no worries or need for us to offer assistance – but if he’s still on a high and showing signs of fitness, healthiness or happiness then we are in trouble and may lose him altogether I’m afraid. His metabolism and brain are just not used to contentment or optimism, I’m sure he could not cope with any of these emotions unless of course they are drug induced..”

At this Duncan passed the supply of DDT to Rachel Carerra (18¼) the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists Accountant & Massage Specialist she quoted; “This could be dangerous, but Inchcock by being the crappiest, worst pathetic blogger of all time in a round about way supports and improves the standing of all of our members and other satirists you see. So we’d sooner he didn’t snuff it yet, until we find someone as bad as him to take over the mantle – and of course he still owes £20,450.26 to our bookkeeper and vehicle acquirement officer Danny Soz (19¾) who is here with as much if not more concern for the lad Inchcock (79).”

Shirley Blamey & Mike Steedenski were requisitioning essential supplies for the squad

At this Danny Soz chipped in: “I care about the imbecile more than most do. And what would Lidl and the NHS do without him?” He rolled a Golden Virginia fag in a an MOT certificate and continued: “His fading with age short-term memory has been a boost the to Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionist’s bank balance. The missus would surely miss him if he has another heart attack trying to cope with the excitement any unnatural to him feeling of contentment, enthusiasm, fulfilment or pleasure… we stop this at all costs, especially the costs to my bank balance…” At this he coughed on his roll-up, took a swig from his absinthe flask and asked where the hell was Shirley Blamey (Not saying, Social Events Secretary) and Mike Steedenski (24 Health advisor) anyway? Do they not care about fellow blogger Inchcock? (Fellow members of the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists) Rachel Carerra explained that both of them were commandeering essential supplies for the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionists squad, and she was concerned for his safety.

She then questioned the absence of the Inchcock Support and Containment Squad of the Satirist’s Blogger Unionist’s (Music Director and Supermom Marissa Bergen 16½,)

Marissa, delayed a the bar in the airport in Newcastle

It transpired that she was last seen at Newcastle airport. However they did receive a message from the Northumbria Police that he had been released on bail and her methadone had been returned to her.

We understand that the Prime Minister has been informed along with Interpol and the NHS Psychiatric Unit. Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has since contacted Minister of Works & Pensions Ian Duncan Smith to see if anything could be done about avoiding the news of this Inchcock phenomenon getting out onto the web.

Breaking News:

Just in from the Nottingham Perverts Monthly.

Inchcock was seen this evening outside of a ladies shop ogling at the headless models in the window. In the rain, looking miserable and with odd socks on.

So, all back to normal then?

Well… Thank heavens for that!

Inchcock Today Wed 18 Nov 15: Mega Pong from the Bathroom. I mean mega!

Wednesday 18^th November 2015

Woke at 0310 hrs, Coughing.

Recalled bit of me dreams and wrote them down: On a stage performing with some other peoples who I recognised but could not recall exactly who was who and this annoyed them, my forgetting their names as it seemed it was part of the song we were singing? Very confusing.

The coughing had eased a lot as I put kettle on – and cleaned the pots I couldn’t do last night due to the burst water main… well I started to, but had to hobble to the bathroom to find ‘Little Inchy’ tender and needing more care and attention. I must get to see the GP again about this problem.

Back to finishing the cleaning and made a cuppa, even made another search around for the missing Dixon DVD, but I reckon it’s gone for good.

Laptop on, had me medications while I thought of it, and the stomach started churning a bit.

Finished Tuesdays Diary and started this one, after much forced effort, trips to the porcelain and about two hours.

The back went when I was bending to open the bottom drawer – Huh! Click, pain, swear word and took ages to straighten up – sad innit? Humph!

Did me emails lots of em too today, started this diary and then did some Facebooking. Have to rush a bit to finish me Facebooking, cause I want to get a bath and spit and polish before the bus comes and I can try again to get to feed the ducks on the canal.

Feeding the the ducks on the canal had to be cancelled!

Opened the bathroom door and nearly passed out with the smell!

Had to have a shave and stand up wash by boiling water in the saucepans, in the kitchen sink as the hot water was cold due to me leaving the tap on in the kitchen – Tsk!

I went to the hut to report the stink and a lady was there to speak with people who came along to the open day (Prospective tenants). I reported the situation and said I’ve got to go to Sherwood to get some bits and I’d check when I get back.

Walked up the hill into Woodthorpe Grange Park and down onto Mansfield Road the left up the hill and down into Sherwood.

Poddled to Wilko’s and got some tape, half-price Dettol spray disinfectant and asked a lady if they had DVD cleaners, she pointed the directions out to them for me but when i to where they should be on the shelves there were none.

Hey-ho!

Walked back up and over the hill to the park and walked up the footpath to the top.

Saw some lovely dogs enjoying themselves en-route.

At the top when I turned right and down the dodgy footpath I met a lady with two scruffy but oh so happy mutts it cheered me up just seeing them.

Down to the flats and up the lift and opened the bathroom door and cor-blimey the stink was worse than ever!

I sent an email to Deana the coordinator for the flats and she relied quickly that she’d be up to see me soon.

The Morrison delivery arrived and he could smell the sh… aroma from outside the door!

Put the stuff away and sprayed disinfectant in the bathroom, down the bowl and air sprayed inside too!

Started to update this diary and Deana arrived and checked the air outlet, that was working, flushed the loo etc. I pointed out that when I first came here there was a tape, yellow and black spread over the bowl telling me not to use it under any circumstance. When the plumber arrived he was a bit aggressive in tone telling me there was nothing wrong and to use it. Tutted, muttered and left!

She called the works department and told them the situation.

They told her to tell me to use it and it is not considered an emergency so they will try to get today up to 2300hrs (Yes 2300hrs) but it may be any-time up to 1600hrs on Friday when they arrive to investigate. Any work needed may take longer.

She trotted off with a smile and cheerio.

I made a start on me graphic for the Marissa Bergen Blogger Band Part Two. Going to take while this one.

I was so glad I went to the shop earlier today – the howling wind rose up and the rain poured down!

The plumber chappie arrived, and when we opened the bathroom door, the stink was a of far less potency and it seemed clear that it was fading now? I explained what had occurred and apologised for bothering him. Red Faced Again!

The hot water was slowly heating up, but the smell, although not so bad that still lingered in the bathroom was too much for me to sit in a bath with.

Got me nosh on.

Sweet potatoes in better, beetroot, pickled eggs, BBQ American sausages and soft cobs topped with cheese.

While the potatoes were cooking I gor a bit more of the Marissa’s Barmy Blogger Band graphic done.

Then tucked into the nosh. Rated this one at 9.49/10.

At last set about putting the last touches to Marissa’s graphic and here it is.

Posted it of with a bit of funny script added to it. Here’s a bit of it:

Inchcock Today – Tue 17 Nov 15: Rain, wind and Coughing

Tuesday 17^th November 2015

Woke at 0410 hrs, feeling a bit sorry fer missen again. Coughing, Little Inchy a mess, and finding it hard to concentrate for some reason?

To the WC, trying not to cough and disturb me lady neighbour. Cleaned up Inchy and got the kettle on.

I noticed the sole Dixon of Dock Green DVD and wondered where how and why I’d lost the other one yesterday.

I wondered if I’d ever find the missing DVD – or had I thrown it out with the rubbish or what?

On the bright side, the reflux valve and angina was not too bothersome at all this morning.

Took me medications and checked the pad on Little Inchy.

Laptop on and finished yesterdays diary.

Did some Facebooking and went in the kitchen to make another cuppa – and crunch! The right knee went again. I think I might have sworn at the time, I just hope it wasn’t too loud and disturbed me neighbours. (Oh dear)

Rushed a bath, had shaved and polished me head. WC’d and went down to the community shed – Deana was in, gave her a nibble and the letters I keep receiving for Margaret the last tenant of the flat. Back to the foyer and waited having a gossip, well, more listening to the tenants also waiting.

Out to the bus stop and I ‘d missed the City bus. So I caught the one to Arnold instead, of course this meant I wouldn’t get me artificial flowers today.

Caught the L8 and dropped off Sherwood and waited with the others in the shelter and caught a bus into Arnold and called at the Asda superstore.

Got some lemon yoghurt, beetroot, tins of green beans and whole beans, big jar of beetroot and some jelly babies, all on offer price – and do you know, I found something else out about Asda in Arnold… Their fresh cream French horns also jump into your shopping basket, just like the ones at Tesco, mind you, they are dearer.

Walked to Fulton’s Foods and got two tins of baby carrots.

The bag was heavy now, and the rain started to come, so I made me way to the bus stop.

Got back just as the rain started in earnest.

Up to the flat and put the cakes in the fridge.

Got me washing and stuff in the bag with a book to read, and set off down to the laundry room.

Had a good read while waiting for it to finish, about an hour.

I read me Brian Cough book I got from the charity hop – that reminded me, I’ve got some bits for them again, must take them down to them in the morning.

Transferred the togs into the drier that the previous user did not de-fluff (Naughty pensioner!) and gave the washing machine a good clean while I was at it. Then back up to the flat for another hour while it dried way and made a start on this twoffle. (Another new word here, there’s no stopping me yer know… Hehe)

Put the kettle on and noticed out of the kitchen window far away, two large birds with what looked like pink plumage on a roof…

Got me camera from the coat pocket and zoomed in to take a photo through the drizzle – Huh! They flew off as I was focussing in! No idea what they were.

Still, considering the weather, the roof came out okay. Hehe!

Back down to the laundry room got togs out of the drier, cleaned the filter and back up to the flat.

Laptop back on, put the togs away.

Did an order for some groceries for tomorrow, didn’t need them but next week is loaded with medical appointments so I thought best to stock up like.

The rain started to get serious and the wind joined in.

Made another cuppa with the intention of drinking this one.

Going back to the laptop I heard a noise but couldn’t find where it came from at first. Slightly perplexed I searched around…

Found it was the cardboard box I’d taped over the air vent in the kitchen to lessen the draughts yesterday. Re-taped it back on the wall. Tsk!

The coughing returned that I suffered with last night, so I took a swig of Morrison’s Chesty Cough Medicine, it seemed to help a bit early this morning.

The oven had heated up and then I pondered on what to have for nosh tonight.

I needed to make room in the freezer for a big bag of chips on offer I’ve got coming tomorrow, so took a look at what was in there to use.

Rather full innit? Oh dear, perhaps I should not have ordered the special offer chips, so many in here already? Humph!

I see a mark on the floor in front of the freezer in this photo – hang on I’ll go and check it out…

I’ve cleaned it up, got down with the Flash and a cloth and cleaned it up. Mind you, getting back up again was a struggle.

I’ve just this minute got a phone call on me land-line, a rarity that. It was a recorded message from Severn-Trent Water telling me I’m going to lose me water supply due to a burst water main. They are working hard to restore it. No bath or washing tonight I reckon then. I thought the flow was a bit weak when I cleaned the floor a couple of minutes ago.

That makes it of the last 10 calls I’ve had since getting the phone; 1 from Steve Age UK, three wrong numbers, 4 recorded messages and 2 unwanted sales people. Just thought I’d mention it like.

The wind is getting even worse here now, very noisy I can hear it with me hearing aids out, but the rain has eased.

Put some big chips in the oven, set me alarm for half an hour, then I’ll put some BBQ flavoured sausages in for ten minutes and the chips should be done at the same time?

I’ll get some beans in the pan to warm slowly now. Please note: I am trying to me logical here, not easy yer know. Just done that, didn’t hear the alarm though. Decided as the TFZ gals who look after me from afar have been telling me to eat more greens and as I’m not allowed brassica in me diet, I’d have a tin of the cut green beans wot I got from Asda today instead of baked beans. Oh I am being good ain’t I?

Set me plate out and this is how it looks.

Demolished it in short time and got tummy ache! Double Humph!

But were good tasting stuff. I might have given it a rating of mammoth proportions but the cut beans, while being good for me, were very bland, so gave it a 9.3/10.

Couldn’t do the washing up in cold water so I didn’t.

Had a search for the Dixon of Dock Green DVD again, once more failing.

Feeling weary now, so checked the TV paper to see if owt worth watching was on.

Some good stuff, two Top Gear programmes and a film at 2100hrs. I managed to get to watch the Top Gears in 33 parts in between dosing off periods and can’t remember getting as far as the film.

To the porcelain around 0200hrs, the water back on. Little Inchy needed attention.