The words come from deep within Inchcock’s complicated, unfathomable incomprehensible to ordinary pensioners brain. The lies, innuendoes, the pathetic rhyming and grammar are his forte yer know!

Spring Has Sprunged

Early this morning I awoke and visited the bathroom to take a ting-a-ling,

As the Cystitis offered me, his usual persistent painful sting,

I realised it was the first day of Spring,

And, I started to formulate this linguistic string.

*****

Ideas flooded my brain for all they were worth,

I had ideas of wit, compassion and mirth,

Was I going through a Spiritual rebirth?

No, it was Little Inchy, the bleeding was worse,

Suddenly I was no longer ready for the hearse!

I wanted to watch the daffodils as they battle through the earth.

*****

My mood changed to one willing for acquiescing,

I no longer cared who is left or right wing,

I wanted to join in with the birds and sing,

So I did sing out, and here’s the thing,

The door bell began to ring,

T’was the neighbour, this message she did bring,

“Are you alright, I heard you braying?”

I thought you were ill, she was saying.

*****

The phone came to life and I answered it quick,

It was my bank manager. Merciless Mick,

He explained my finances and gave me some verbal stick,

Afterwards, my mind was like the Sputnik,

I was lost, confused and feeling sick,

Then, I certainly didn’t feel in the least hegemonic,

My lack of enthusiasm for Spring turned chronic.

*****

A long bath would no doubt make me feel better?

As I got in, the knee gave, but did it matter?

It went again getting out, on the sink my head did clatter,

Making a mess, as the blood did splatter,

I cleaned up the mess, on the head wound I put a plaster,

Tried putting Polyfiller on the cracked alabaster,

Ridding myself of depression, I could not master,

Had a feeling of gloom and impending disaster!

*****

Couldn’t find my glasses or ear-drops,

Started this ode, thought it was a load of codswallops,

I no longer wanted to greet Spring from the rooftops,

Now I’m fed up with life and its Whoopsiedangleplops!

No Inchcocks were harmed in the production of this rubbish.

All injuries were received either before or afterwards.