Ageing humour – Page 79

Inchcock Today – Friday 2nd June 2017

Friday 2nd June 2017

Kurdish Kurmanji: 2nd Roja Înê June 2017

0400hrs: Disentangled me from the £300 second-hand recliner and off for a wee-wee – It seems that the Trotsky’s are easing off… at the moment?

0415hrs: Got the readied dirty-laundry bag and down to the laundry room and got it washing away.

Took this photographicalisation outside the foyer, a close up of some of the new double yellow road lines. Apparently where they have put the cones was where cars were parked yesterday, to keep the road car free for lining to take place today?

Backup and took the medications and did the Health Checks.Results

Results were: Sys 156, Dia 73, Pulse 79, Temp’ 33.8, Weight 14.81: All good, methinks.

Took the medications and scribbled some notes to use when I get around to doing this diary on WordPress.

Took me a really long time to find the pain gel tube. Looked in its regular drawer and all of the others, the cupboards, the living room, the wetroom and in the spare room, without any luck.

Found it in front of where I was when I started to look for it in with the bottles of sauce and seasonings on top of the counter? Tsk!

Took this photograph from the kitchen window, showing the new yellow lines.

0449hrs: Down to move the clobber into the dryer.

Back up to the apartment and got the computer on to start updating Thursday’s Chronical.

Going through the Emails afterwards I came across:

Meet the Mother of all Father’s Day treats – an insane burger costing a jaw-dropping £39.95. The Almighty, on sale at Red’s True Barbeque in Nottingham, is the ultimate meat lover’s dream. Every key ingredient is aged to perfection, working on the idea that things get better with age. Only 25 are available at the restaurant in Queen Street for Dads celebrating their special day on June 18.
http://www.nottinghampost.com/8203-this-nottingham-restaurant-has-the-ultimate-father-s-day-burger-8211-for-39-95/story-30365958-detail/story.htmlBurger

0530hrs: Down to collect the laundry. No odd socks were found today. Cleaned the drum and filter out.

Clouted my elbow on the corner of the sink unit and muttered something like; “Well, fancy that!”

Back up to the mini home and got the clothes put away, and finally got a demand for the use of the Porcelain Throne.

Much better this time – are the Trotsky’s easing off, or are they teasing me? Hahaha!

Updated and finished Thursday’s diary and got it posted off.

Onto Facebooking then, fingers crossed it would not play-up freezing and the like.

It was okay, apart from when I went to see the Notifications answered then returned. Had to search for where I was before… if you know what I mean?

Got the ablutions tended to.

Letter from E3 arrived, redirected from the old address, telling me I owed them some money and it must be paid now. I went to see one of the wardens on the way out, to call them for me so I could settle it and cancel the agreement with them, convinced this sidetrack would make me miss the bus, but it had to be done. Obegruppenfurheress Julie was in the cabin and kindly called them for me. Odds are I’ll get another bill next month?

As I came out to walk into Sherwood, I spotted the L9 bus coming, for once I was glad it was so late.

Dropped off in town, after another session on the crossword book.

Had a walk around taking the City Centre taking photographs. Made a Special Post of these and much more, later.

Called in Primark Again, but nothing suitable. Hobbled in the rain to M&S, even less suitable attire. Walked to the tobacconist’s and got some snuff for Bill (William on Sundays) at the flats, then went to Clinton Street and the Sports shop. Where surprisingly I found some tops suitable and cheap too. Bought two of them. After getting a very annoyed yer disinterested good looking young man assistant to get them down for me with the extended prongs from the fifth row up on the wall.

Joined the queue to pay for them and left the shop, out into the drizzle on Clinton Street.

Where I observed that many of the Nottingham shoplifter… no, sorry, I meant shoppers, had been caught out in the rain.

Had to go find a bus stop that displayed the time on it, as I had forgotten to take the mobile with me. I know, it must be hard for you believe I could do such a thing… Haha!

It was five minutes before the L9 bus was due, so I hobbled over the crossing and to the bus stop in plenty of time.

Had a visit from Dennis Dizzy while waiting.

I was soon on the bus trying once more to complete at least one of the crosswords without cheating… I failed again!

Back at the flats, I was very pleased with how the Trotsky’s had behaved. Perhaps things are getting better now? (If only I’d known what was coming in the morning – Eurgh!)

Put the two jumpers in the metal and canvas shelves in the spare room. Took the two bags to the rubbish chute, got the kettle on, warmed the oven for the meal later and got the computer on… Windows 10 update started… warning me of drive issues and problems that it chose to sort out of its own volition. Kept starting closing. About 40 minutes later it seemed to have stopped updating and turned off. I started if again, and the installations started.

With a hopeful heart, I opened Firefox after having to inform Windows several times that I did not want their browser as default.

Then I updated this diary, then started a new post using the photographs taken today, calling it ‘Gerry’s Photographic poddle around the Wet Nottingham’ Of course I may change the name.

Back in a bit after I’ve done it, folks… All done.

The meal was tomatoes, crispy potato balls, even crispier extra strong cheddar cheese done in the oven, fresh pod peas, an egg and two battered fish cakes with bread thins and followed by a lemon mousse.

It was truly delicious!

Then the viewing of the TV programmes farce began. I spent more time nodded off that watching anything on the gogglebox!

No calls to the throne whatever?

Inchcock Today – Tuesday 14th March 2017: Thwarted with Problems!

Tuesday 14th March 2017

Turkish: 14 Mart 2017 Salı

0330hrs: I sprang awake so violently I nearly fell out of the £300 second-hand recliner chair. The few memories of the wicked dream I was having, evaporated immediately from my consciousness. All that remained was a sense of nervousness? I hate it when this happens, particularly when remembering so much of the night before dreams too. Tsk!

The call to the porcelain arrived on queue as I dismounted the recliner, and Harold’s Haemorrhoids were hot, sore and stinging like hell. But no bleeding when I passed. Most surprising that?

Made a brew and took the medications.

Did the health checks, and compared the last two weeks total averages, in red.

The battle against the weight increase seems to be a lost cause?

Not a lot of difference with the others methinks?

Monday and Tuesday up to now, this week seem okay.

Apart from the weight of course. I must try harder!

As I put the milk away in the fridge, I noticed something had been leaking into the vegetable drawer. So got it put and cleaned it and returned it. This sounds like a little job doesn’t it? Remember this is me I am talking about. The door would not allow me the room when open as far as it would go – So I had to move the stuff from the side of the damned fridge and turn it as far as I could to make room to get the drawer out, it was still tight and I struggled a bit to do it. Getting the thing back in was easier! Tsk! I’m sure it was less bothersome last time I did it. Maybe the flats are leaning a bit?

Started doing a graphicalisation for the TFZer site, but had to stop to get the ablutions done, so I can get out to the bank and try the card, and have time to get back to visit Olive.

Set out calling into the Winwood Community Hut to drop off some nibbles for the Kamp Obergruppenfurheresses.

Onward down the hill into Sherwood and arrived at the ATM machine outside the new bank, and tried out the card for the first time.

Fully confident that all would be okay, now I had received the two emails from the bank welcoming me to the new account. Thus began the new:

I put in the new pin number and attempted to withdraw some money, and was informed on the screen that ‘This service is not currently available’ I cancelled it and tried once more – the same failure repeated itself.

I went into the bank and explained to the lady behind the counter, who told me to place my card and pin into the machine on the counter. So I did. “All okay there,” she said and waited for me to wander off. So I did.

Luckily, a bloke in the queue pointed out to me that the lady was calling for me to return to the counter. So I did. She pointed out that there was no money in this account! Almost immediately Anne Gyna started to kick at me. Frustration grew in double quick time, as it dawned on me that the black depression was about to be summoned back by my tormented soul and mind. A touch of annoyance brewed as well.

I thought I acquitted myself well, born through repeatedly being led astray by the bank management, as the manager came out all smile and took me into his office for a chinwag. He started by saying he had been trying to ring me. I replied, “That would be the one missed call on my phone then?” He was taken aback a bit I think, with my new found verbal courage, again prompted by frustration. He said the transfer of money from the Co-op bank had not gone through, due to the Council Tax people putting the wrong postcode on their letter to me. I told him I had followed his advice and shredded the old Co-op card. He did he is best to sound upbeat, then he called the Co-op Bank for me and got them to issue a new card. Another mess to sort out and even more waiting! I gave the Co-op bloke a password and it was sorted. I am to expect a new card within 3 days, and a new pin withing 5 days, then I have to activate them. Great!

That sorted, he then rang the State Pension people and told them about the problem with the postcode – they are to send out a new detail of pension breakdown for me, with the correct postcode on it. I can expect this within 5-7 days. Grumph!

He then told me I need to find a 2017 Tax Code letter and take it in, to him.

The manager did apologise for his part in the farce come error, but I thought he might break a tooth or two as he forced the words through his teggies.

I left the branch almost spitting blood but tried not to show it.

Muttering to myself as I crossed the road, almost walking under a turning left white-van, I avoided the temptation from the fresh cream cake shop and hobbled up to the Nottingham Hospice Charity Shop with some donations to give them and an Easter Egg for the staff.

Feeling somewhat dejected, disconsolate, downhearted, and depressed now. I even managed to miss both of the buses that I aimed to catch back up the hill. So I carried on up and over the hill down to Woodthorpe Grange Park, up the path and then right down to the flats.

I did almost cheer up a bit when I saw someone with two giant horse-sized poodles! Hehe!

Just as I was taking a picture of the lovely Spring flowers blooming, they both raced into the picture.

That was kind of them.

The daffodils were coming through with beauty and aplomb at the top of the hill, as well.

Turning right on my way down the hill, some crows landed in the trees on the outside of the Copse.

Thought it would make a good picture to take them with the flats behind and make a humorous graphic about Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’ at a later date.

But, by the time I’d got the camera out again, the Murder of Crows had fled. Just the one stayed for his photograph to be taken. Haha!

I had a natter with a lady tenant who was waiting for her lift in the foyer. Then went up and called in on Olive. She was in good form. She told me off for getting in a mess with the bank, for putting on weight and for not having gone back to Boots with the new spectacle’s that were leaving painful looking marks on my face and needed putting right. Lovely to hear her like this, I knew she was feeling okay now. Gave her kiss and departed to the flat.

The spirits sank again.

Marinated some baked beans in the pan, ready to have later with the last of the roast belly pork slices.

Not sure why I seasoned them the way I did, but keeping the fingers crossed they turn out alright. I mixed BBQ seasoning, garlic, demerara sugar, dark mushroom soy sauce, tomato and bacon cooking sauce, tomato puree, black pepper and large spoon or two of black bean sauce together and left them to marinate for a few hours.

Tasted a spoonful to try the taste after a while. I liked it.

To take the stress of the news away, even if temporarily, I found doing the TFZ graphics for my next series, worked. So, I pressed on for hours and hours starting them off. Still only got three of them finished. Want to get them all done, then post them together.

The brain racing and getting nowhere, fighting against invisible, intractable, untouchable enemy problems that were preventing me getting to sleep…

Inchcock Today: Wednesday 8th March 2017 – Busy but betterer day!

Wednesday 8th March 2017

Sudanese: Kemis 9 Maret 2017

A fragmentary dream filled sleep, with sporadic waking up and fretting over everything and nothing. Found I’d made more notes about the nightmares, but none of them readable at all. I do hate it when this happens. I go weeks without remembering any dreams, then a few days clarity and back to the mystery. Hey-ho!

0400hrs: Out of the £300 wobbly second-hand recliner and to the porcelain. Good this morning, no bleeding anywhere. Duodenal Daniel and Roger Reflux were giving me what for, but easily endurable at the time. Pondered as I sat there on the throne, about what needed attention and action today. Morrison’s delivery 0630 >0730hrs, Dentist visit 0900hrs, Clinic 1130hrs and fresh bread needed.

Carried out the ablutions without getting any cuts shaving or bleeding from Inchies lesion. Things seemed to be going well. I was worried about this!

Weighed me bulky, flobby, body. Down this morning, the first time for a while. Into the kitchen and made a nice mug of tea, and did the health checks.

Into the kitchen and made a nice mug of Twinings English Breakfast tea. A bit scented, but nice occasionally. And did the health checks.

Then did the health checks and took the medications.

The Morrison’s delivery driver arrived.

There seemed to be rather lot more fodder in the order today.So I set about sorting the stuff out

So I started sorting the stuff out.

I found the ‘Free’ Strawberry yoghourt pack and put it in the bag ready for when I get out, to drop it off at the Winwood Centre to give to Obergruppenfurheress’s Deana and Julie later.

I recall thinking about ordering some smoked streaky bacon when I did the order but thought I’d decided against this, as I had the Polish Bean Stew to have. But there were two packs of the stuff in there?

Computer activated and finished off yesterday’s diary and got it posted off, then started this one.

Cost me a good few hours of my life, and I was not really happy with the result, but I enjoyed doing it. I could tell things were improving in the depression stakes even if only a temporary situation, it cheered me a little and a very rare, warm contentment overcame me as I pressed on with graphicalisationing until it was nearly time to get myself ready for me to get out and do something for once.

I got the nibbles in the bag for the Wardens, record sheet for the Clinic and set out. Got as far as the lift and realised I had not taken the mobile with me, nipped back and collected it. Going down in the lift, it dawned on me I hadn’t got the hearing aids in… Tsk! Decided if I went back to the flat again, I’d be likely to be late for the dentist appointment, so plodded on without them.

I had a wonderfully warm laugh and conversation with a lady tenant in the lobby on my way out. Roy’s better half, who is as perfect a subject to lip-read as I have ever found.

Called at the bottle bank on Chestnut Grove first.

Then into the Winwood Hut to drop off the treats. Back, up Chestnut Walk, up the steep gravel hill passing the copse, (Anne Gyna let me know this was not a good idea, Hehe) left down through Woodthorpe Grange Park, left up Mansfield Road, over the hill and down to the Dentists. Had a bit of a farce trying to communicate with the receptionists without the hearing aids in. An assistant came down into the reception area to fetch me, this has never happened before, and I realised she had been on the stairs behind calling my name without me hearing her for a while.

I was booked in with a different dentist today, in a separate treatment room (Second floor), which involved my having to climb two set of stairs to get there. Luckily Arthur Itis was kind at that moment. (Although Anne Gyna was still annoyed at my walk up through the park) Dr Vitish Patel this time, Young Asian, designer stubble, handsome and with an almost entirely undecipherable voice.

The layout of the tiny room was different to the usual one and the chair easy to fall out of. The most surprising thing I noticed was the lack of dead insects in the ceiling lighting housing, compared to the usual room.

Got leant back and he carried out the checks within minutes and declared, I need a filling and a chipped front lower tooth repairing. The cracked tooth was not giving me any bother, mind you, the hole wasn’t either. I decided to have the filling done there and then when he offered to do it. Two minutes later, it was done.

Down to pay the characterless receptionist for the treatment, got next appointment and hobble out and down the road to the Wilko store. Where I bought a pack of cheap teaspoons to replace the mysteriously disappearing ones at the flat. Like the odd socks. I wonder if this happens to others? Also got some toilet blocks, bleach, antiseptic disinfectant, batteries for the radio, air spray and citrus deodorant.

Called in the bank, but the manager was unavailable today.

Back across the road and down to the Continental Deli shop. Where I spent, even more, money when I espied that they had some huge jars of Fasolka on the shelves, some bread and cooked belly pork with herbs.

Made my way back up to Winchester Street Hill, in the hope of catching an L8 bus up to the flats, as I was now overloaded with heavy stuff in two bags. But the bus came around the corner as I was waiting to cross the road to the bus stop. Shame that!

I had to struggle up the hill with frequent stops to put the bags down and get me wind back.

As I arrived at the top and turned left towards the flats, I put the bags on the decaying roadside bench and stood for a few minutes, pondering on life in general.

The jargogle of thoughts served only to confuse me more about the reason for life’s creation.

Nowadays things are happening quicker, more intense, greedy, selfish, nihilistic… so much extra information and advice for the youngsters to absorb and understand.

Still, the day was warm and humid, and I was going to see Olive when I got in. The eerie sensation of semi-contentment attempting to overcome me unnerved my consciousness. I pondered on how long this would last and when the next Whoopsiedangleplop would arrive?

I pressed on and got into the flats and called on Olive. T’was like going into a room and being greeted with warmth and getting soaked in appreciation of being there.

She had the cleaner ladies with her, and she looked fantastic. She was going into hospital again next week, for the final tests to see if her Crohns disease will allow her to have her hip operation. Amazing woman, she looked cheery and chatted to me despite her obvious pain. I am honoured to know the lady. After a chinwag and laugh twixt us all, I gave her peck and returned with the bags to the flat.

Put the shopping away and departed to catch the 40 bus straight to the clinic.

Mr Grumpy, was on the reception again today. Signed in and gave him the paperwork, took a seat and I waited to be called in. Good job I took the crossword book with me, because I got in alright, but 40 minutes after the appointment time. Still, they did look very busy.

They took the tissue sample, and the usual gang of students and nurses were joined by what appeared to be a new intake, all came to have a look (And have a snide poorly concealed giggle) as they peered through the gigantic lighted magnifying machine at Little Inchies lesion. After the examination proper, they took another sample (They probably found out it hurts? Hehe!) for further analysis. The Lady Doctor said she was pleased with the lesion’s depth reduction, but concerned about the swelling, and asked me detailed questions about recent activities in that area. Overall, it was improving, but infection is always possible and got the nurse to get me some new cream to use. This must be kept in the fridge and taken out only when I need to use it. Said this might help with the swelling and to use it along with the usual Daktacort Cream. She is to let me know the next appointment by email and letter.

Caught the bus (Thank heavens for the Pensioners Free Bus Pass) back to the flat, well drained and weary by then.

Got the nosh on.

Roast spuds, mushrooms, garden peas, beetroot and some bread with belly pork and herb.

Maybe cause I was feeling a bit cheerier, I really did enjoy this one, and I gave it a deserved 9.59/10 rating.

Once I washed the pots and got settled into the £300 second-hand recliner, Anne Gyna gave me some peace and I got the DVD on to watch some Doctor Who episodes without falling asleep at all! Oh yes! Hehe!

When I changed to the TV to watch some selected programmes that I fancied… the first commercial break sent me off into the land of nod.

Thanks for reading folks!

Inchcock Today: Monday 6th March 2017

Monday 5th March 2017

Mongolian: Даваа 5-р сарын 2017

0300hrs or there about’s, I woke and lay pondering on the odd even for me, dreams I’d just had. A mixture of jobs I’ve had over the years all mixed up together. The mine clearance in Wales accident, chasing after the girls at Tesco, getting lost in the warehouse, being shot on security assignment, Rempston College nightmares, being made redundant and when I fell into a grave when on duty at Carlton Cemetary.

I’m sure there was much more but these I could recognise and remembered. Then it felt like I had snuffed it and in a queue in an underground railway station with thousands of other people all fighting to be the ones to jump on the line when a train passed by? I even thought in the dream; “Why am doing this when I’ve already crocked-out?” I gave up trying to win and went into a public toilet that changed into a casino when I went through the door. Surprising, ’cause I do not gamble or even like gambling, but the bank manager, Olive and cyber buddy Lynton Cox were all there of the roulette table and they got me making sandwiches and cups of tea and coffee for them… unsure what took place for a while then. But I found myself back on a wooden boat on the canal with it leaking and the fast flowing water, bubbling again… really oddly, I felt comforted and at home here having dreamt so often of similar scenarios over the years? Hey-ho!

Not until after I had made some notes on my pad to use to write this later, did I start to fret and worry about the bank situation, Duodenal Daniel and Anne Gyna were giving me the odd, uncomfortable moment again this morning.

Around 0400hrs, the £300 second-hand recliner worked perfectly to allow me out and to the wetroom to tend to the porcelain duties and have a good shave and shower. Little Inchy was not bleeding. But was damned sore for some reason. Haemorrhoid Harold leaked a little.

I had a great scrub up in the shower.

Did the first health checks, all looked okay to me?

Then made a nice strong mug of tea and had my breakfast.

Got WordPress going, and realised that I had lost the Premium Service. Contacted their helpline. Felt a right fool again, it was the

Grammarly, not WordPress. Is it time I was serviced and MOT’d? Or refurbished, or just put out to stud? Hehe!

Sent an email pleading for help with the Stones & Pounds format in the Health Checks page in Excel, to Tim Price. I’m not sure if I’m getting accurate readings for the weight averages using the form I am doing with only one decimal place?

I wonder which imbroglio I’ll get jargogled with next? Humph! It’s a good job I don’t suffer from Kakorrhaphiophobia innit.

Then I did some diary work on these WordPress journals? Onto Facebook afterwards, still trying to keep busy and not have time to dwell on the problems.

Finalised the latest TFZer graphicalisation. Quite proud of this effort, I must say.

Waited from 0700hrs to 1315hrs for the call from the Bank Manager, no luck yet?

Did some more word finding storing them on Word in the Drop-Box. f

Going to call on Olive in a while, to ask her for some advice, because I have received an email from the TSB, welcoming me to the bank?f

Yet they told Olive Friday that they would phone me today in respect of the ID problem with the Council Tax?

This is what they said.

I’m really frustrated, more confused and depressed again now, Grumph!

Then I looked for the Introductory Pack I got from the bank last week and couldn’t find it!

Morose, I got the meal and settled down to stew away in deep pointless, lugubrious and pessimistic ponderings on life. Will I ever get my eunoia and or confidence back?

Doctor Who reborn as Doctor Maybe

Hehehe!

Whoopsiedangleploppableness

I’ll start with just what is a Whoopsiedangleplop,

It’s when the accidents, mishaps and calamities don’t stop,

Inanimate things break, disappear & if breakable, these you’ll drop,

The surgeon takes poorly when doing your hernia op,

Your brain power is of 50cc in power, others have a turboprop,

Some go hang-gliding or skiing, you visit the bookshop,

For a self-treat some buy themselves a Jaguar or BMW soft-top,

A Whoopsiedangleplopper treats himself to an orange lollipop,

Other blokes may have a perm, but you’ve no hair on top,

Whoopsedangleplopper’s, too soft, you won’t even tread on a snowdrop,

Blokes work on their cars in the garage or workshop,

You polish your Pensioner’s bus pass as you wait at the bus stop,

Men give their partners Caviar, you make yours do with chips & a rollmop,

And Whoopsiedangleplopper’s, buy their clothes from the charity shop.

Common sense, confidence, social skills, Whoopsiedangleploppers? No ability!

Born, but unwelcomed into the world, a pity,

Whoopsiedangleplops followed him with great ubiquity,

He was surrounded my anger, hatred and mendacity,

But tried all his life to be kind, caring and witty,

Worked hard not to become a burden or a liability,

He soon learned to despise hatred, the selfish and nihility,

But to free himself of Whoopsiedangleplops he had no ability,

Dragged up in slums, he did not want nobility,

Thrown into the canal, that was no farcicality!

He yearned for a family and happiness in any quantity,

But he got just unintended iniquity,

Left school at fourteen, little education or capability,

Into a bed and breakfast dwelling, turned to alcohol, life was shitty.

Got a partner and lost her soon, then a new disability,

The ailments he accrued with great persistency,

Deafness, colour blindness, duodenal ulcer with rapidity,

New mechanical ticker valve, done my Dr Ivan Moskovsky,

Then his hernia, being shot, and Anne Gyna appeared,

As he anticipated more ailments came over the years,

Broke his leg, ankles and rheumatoid arthritis appears,

Then his reflux valve stuck to add to his fears.

Crushed his big toe, then he got colitis another disability,

Made redundant when turned 62, life was not very pretty,

Made redundant twice more, life now full of instability,

Eight years later, still full of gullibility,

Moves into the flat, feeling great inferiority,

Since which nothing has gone right much at all,

Not that life has ever been a ball…

I face each new day filled with trepidity.

Thinking, how today will show my stupidity,

I’m bound to once again display my ineffectivity,

I’d love to find and show some intrepidity.

In support of the Outer Peruvian Pregnant Kangaroo Appreciation Society

Inchcock Today: Monday 27th Febuary 2017

Monday 27th February 2017

Icelandic – Mánudagur 27. febrúar 2017

Didn’t nod off until well gone midnight again, woke with a start around 0200hrs in urgent need to utilise the porcelain, scrambled out of the £300 second-hand rickety recliner chair and made it to the throne, and amazingly the trots were replaced with rock cement! How one can go from eight hours of the trots to the opposite so quickly I have no idea. Tsk!

While waiting for the action, bits of the dream I’d been having came to mind. The muddy fields were there again, but other people were with me and instructing me how to get out of a muddy crater they had thrown me into, each time I got out they told my I’d done it wrong and lobbed me back in to get it right?

Up properly at 0400hrs. I rubbed some pain-gel in the knees and made a cuppa, carried out the health checks and made a nice cuppa as I got the computer going, then took the medications.

I’d got messages in reply to yesterday’s diary from Duncan and Tim, both helping me with the Excel Health spreadsheet formatting on how to add different cells together and divide them into an average. Tried it and it worked! Many thanks, lads, cheered me up a bit this did.

Then, the stomach started rumbling and I had a dizzy at the same time, this confused me a bit. Don’t want any physical bother today with all the jobs I’ve got to do. Got to go to a new bank to sort out the fiscal difficulties, the Dentist to check on the appointment day and time… checked in the Google calendar, now I’ve found out how to access it in G Suite. Sad innit, Hehe?

Core blimus, so much to get done, I bet I’ll be catching up still on Tuesday.

The weather forecast on the web looked not too nice.

I carried out the ablutions, shave, teggies shower etc, medicated the areas in with a requirement of the same (Hehe!).

Sorted the waste bins out, bagged them and took them disposed of them down the rubbish chute.

Got my list of jobs wanting to be done, wrapped myself up and got as far as the lifts when I realised I had the wrong glasses on. Back to the flat and changed them.

Out again and got as far again, when I realised I had not taken the bank details, so back once again and collected them.

Outside and walked to the glass recycle bin with the bottles and jars. Then to the Winwood Centre Shed to try and talk with Warden Deans about the TV Licence letter and advice on the Bank problems. She was helping a resident so I sat waiting and had a go at the crossword book. OBegruppenfureress Julie came in and asked “What do you want? Come on hurry up I’m busy…” I showed her the TV Licence letter, she said forget it. Told her about the banking problems, she said for me to go to the Co-op Bank and ask them – the Deana was temporarily free, although waiting on the phone for someone and said no need to go to the bank and I was to let her know if and when I get any TV licence money rebate.

Then to the Winwood Centre Shed to try and talk with Warden Deans about the TV Licence letter and advice on the Bank problems. She was helping a resident so I sat waiting and had a go at the crossword book.

Obegruppenfureress Julie came in and asked “What do you want? Come on hurry up I’m busy…” I showed her the TV Licence letter, she said forget it. Told her about the banking problems, she said for me to go to the Co-op Bank and ask them – then Deana became temporarily free, although waiting on the phone for someone and said no need to go to the bank and I was to let her know if and when I get any TV licence money rebate. Confused again… Hehe!

This is the route and calls/stops made on my morning hobble:

I got some nice Polish bread and belly pork with peppers from the Continental Food Shop. Then to the Bank across the road and asked the cashier if I could talk with someone about moving all my cash and accounts to their bank. She disappeared a few moments and returned telling me to take a seat. I met a lady tenant of the flats and as we nattered a chap appeared, shook my hand and with pound-signs spinning and twinkling in his eyes, led me into a little room for a talk. After asking me to bring in my current UK driving Licence and Passport, and my telling him I own neither nowadays, he was not put-out, and asked me to bring a current Council Tax Bill and a State Pension Letter that gives details of the pension for this year. He arranged the meeting for this Thursday at 1000hrs. He said he would show me their internet banking and how to use it and get things sorted with me, it should, he say’s take only 2 and half hours to arrange, then, seven complete days later it should all be in place up and running. I felt the chap looked and sounded like a used car salesman, bless him.

Out of the bank (Confused a tad), and up to the Post Office and asked them if they could read the senders name and address on a package I wish to send something back to in return, they could not.

I left there and crossed over the road and called in the Co-op store and got some Pork & Liver Pate, Shortcake biscuits, tomatoes and apples.

Up the hill to the Dentists to confirm the date of my next appointment. The young rather attractive lady on the reception printed it out for me Wednesday 8th March 2017 09:00hrs. A different dentist this time, Dr Vitish Patel. (When I got back later I Googled the name and got: About 82,900,000 results [0.79 seconds])

As I came out to continue up and over the Mansfield Road hill to go through Woodthorpe Park back to the flats, an elderly lady had taken a tumble at the bus stop. Already several people tending to her thankfully. I felt so sorry for her.

At least I’d got some things that needed doing started today, and felt a little lifted in spirits and less frustrated with life now.

Turned right and up the footpath towards the turn off to the flats. So many dogs walking their owners about today, I spent a while watching them.

As I went right to go down the gravel footpath to the flats, I took a photographicalisation of my favourite little copse with the blocks of flats in the background. The grass was thickening I think a little.

Looking forward so much to when it gets overgrown and full of plant life and animal life for me to walk through and hope to see.

As I hobbled down the pathway, Anne Gyna started to give me some hassle along with Roger Reflux and Arthur Itis, they all seemed to start off at the same time after all being so kind to me earlier. Humph! This put an end to my plans to go out again and get more jobs done today! Shame!

Got in and gave Olive a ring, I hope she is alright she sounded it and said she was feeling better… but she didn’t tell me off about anything. Hehehe!

Cleaned the kitchen floor, then onto the Computer to update this twaddle.

Pondered on what to have for nosh, def the pate and pork

Made the salad and took a photograph of it without the card in the camera. Tsk!

Carried out a messy search for the items needed for the bank on Thursday, I think I have them all now.

Feeling drained now, but in better spirits, I settled to watch some DVD then TV.

I lasted about an hour or so before nodding off into a dream filled sleep.

Inchcock Today: Sun 26th Feb 2017:

Sunday 26th February 2017

Esperanto: Dimanĉo 26 februaro 2017

Up at 0300hrs, some good news for once in the wet-room. Little Inchy not bleeding or sore either. Duodenal Daniel giving me a nice rest, even Anne Gyna was in a calm mood. Arthur Itis his usual self. Just this sniffling and sneezing at the moment. So no complaints medication-wise.

Got the health checks done, the (2nd) Dia reading was worryingly high at 101, but later on, the second check showed it was back down again?

Can anyone please tell me how to Format Excel to get the total of cells C9 H9 & M9 divided by three? I wanted to get the average reading for the week for Dia, Sys, Pulse & Temperature, but seem unable to find a way, and when I look up advice on the net there are may symbols and things I don’t understand.

Doing well with these lately despite the Whoopsiedangleplops. Hehe!

Took the medications and sorted out the week’s dosage pots.

I don’t think I got anything mixed up this week… but, we’ll find out later. Haha!

Got on with finishing and doing some more graphicalisationing for the TFZer site.

This one was my favourite, took a few hours, but I do enjoy doing them if they like them.

Finished another two, and will post them on Facebook later.

Hope they all like em, I love it when they do.

When it began to get light this morning, I nipped into the kitchen to make another cup of nice strong Thompson’s tea and saw how pretty but foreboding the cloud formations were and I took a photo to the left and right through the window.

Whats look at first glance like a bird in the first one, turned out when I zoomed in, to be a gnat or midge close to the glass! Hehehe!

Got on with updating this diary after I’d finished yesterday’s one.

Sister Jane rang. Got told off. Hehe!

Did some searching for the notes of jobs I made yesterday. No luck at all, huh!

Spent more time doing Facebook and CorelDrawing. During which the trots returned with a vengeance, so the porcelain is in heavy use, not productive use, but heavy use. Hehe! Humph! Rang Olive, to say I dare not go round to see her for fear of passing on the bug, which had come on a bit quick? Oh, ‘eck!

My flipping luck continues dunnit: I put the highly priced Quorn Vegetable lasagne in the oven, to find that the plastic tray has a tiny hole in it – another mess and burnt finger cleaning it up – Argh! Had to rescue what I could and put it in a foil tray, added some cheese slices on top and back into the oven… then I went back to the porcelain on another false alarm!

The meal came out alright, though.

The cheese was nicely burnt a bit and Quorn Lasagne was very nice indeed.

I even managed to use the apple slicer without cutting myself.

Took ages and ages to get to sleep, far too long for me to get caught up on any, but still.

Inchcock Today: Sat 25th February 2017

Saturday 25 February 2017

Luxembourgish: Samschdeg 25 Februar 2017

An almost 6 hour, dream-free (At least I think so) sleep ended when I sparked into life with an urgent mission to get to the porcelain… and only just got out of the £300 second-hand shudderingly refusing to lower me down so I had to climb out of it recliner and onto the throne in time! Phew!

Laundry room duties to perform today, so I gathered the requirements needed and headed down and got the clobber into the washer on short mode. Had to sweep up a bit, cause someone had been eating a takeaway and bits of food were scattered around the floor, the smell from the bin where they had dumped the box, offered no help in my trying to work out what it was they had – the odour seemed a mixture of stale fish and curry to me. Still, it took my mind off of the depression and boredom for a while.

Up to the flat, where I got the health readings done and recorded on my new Excel sheet where I’ve now got the three daily checks in a single line… and have at last worked out how to get an average of certain cells to record automatically. And it only took me five hours to find how to do, yesterday. (Sad innit?)

I think the Average cells will give a reading that is correct for the week for each of the three readings when I’ve completed the week in full. I still can’t yet work out how to get an average for the full week yet, but I’m working on it. (Not easy being a thick psittacism ridden ultracrepidarian yer know. Huh!)

Back down with some more washing, towels, dressing gown and jammies, but them in the washer on short mode after I’d moved the others stuff into the dryer, back again up to the flat and got on with finishing yesterday’s diary off with a nice cup of tea.

Down again and moved the clothes from the washer into the dryer with the first load… clever stuff eh? And I remembered to keep them separate to prevent the bits of fluff sticking to the other clobber?

Yet again back to number 72 where I started this diary off and going.

Note the timer thingamajig on the printer, I felt I was well organised this morning – being aware that thinking confident things like this usually forebodes Whoopsiedanglplops, failures or defeat that is in the air and imminently coming my way! Oh dear!

Down yet once again to collect the washing – all seemed dried, sorted and folded them in order and departed the laundry room – actually trapping just one finger in the heavy fire-door, it had to be the finger that I cut yesterday didn’t it? And trapped exactly where the cut was. Nice little bruise coming now. That feeling of foreboding didn’t take long to materialise did it… Humph!

Back up into my miniature window leaking, burnt saucepan containing flat, put the stuff away, made another cuppa, took the medications and applied the creams and lotions and back onto the computer to update this tosh.

Checked the note of things to do:

Go to a new bank and see how to transfer money to new account from old bank that is going broke.
Call at Dentist to check appointment because I’ve downloaded G Suite which has deleted all my calendar and YouTube history and settings?
To Post Office get package and details of how to send a parcel to Australia.
See Warden Deana for help over TV Licencing letter: Also, the window repairs after waiting in on the day I reported it (Not been out since) and being told they would come within four hours and they came ten hours later at midnight, did nothing and told me they would send someone Friday morning twixt 0800 > 1200hrs and I didn’t move out of the flat, lost sleep and no one arrived.
Check with clinic due to item 3
Check with surgery and Warfarin list due to item 3
Commit Hagi Kari (Optional) Hehe!

I thought at one time, I’d become omniscient, but realised I was a fainéant, at best.

I phoned Olive see how she was going, she sounded good. She said I could call to see her before lunch as she was being picked up to go to afternoon tea with the family. (But I was back from the shopping too late.)

I hobbled up through the park and into Sherwood, called in the shop that is closing down and got some bargains. Caramel Chocolate Peanuts, Black Bean sauce, Soap capsules, Chocolate Almonds, Mr Muscle cleaner each with 50% off.

I felt a bit sorry for the staff, but they all seemed cheerful enough. I imagine they will be relocated at another branch or they will be taken on by the buyers, which is Tesco, I believe.

Sorry aboutSorry about the face in this one.

Wandered down to Wilko’s and got a replacement saucepan at a good price, £3. A washing brush and two replacement pads for £2.50, a small Citrus deodorant spray for only 50p too.

Got some pork & mushroom pate for tonight’s planned salad of sorts.

The maroon and white box on the lower left of the above photograph… I suppose there will be some doubting personages who think it might contain two iced strawberry and cream buns?

You are right, Hehehe!

I was hoping to give one to Olive, but I got back to the flat too late to visit her.

I’ll just have to eat them both.

Caught the bus back up the hill and had a natter with some other residents on it.

Got in and put the things away and took the photos. Arthur Itis and Anne Gyna were being nice to me today, Reflux Roger and Duodenal Donald were too. Only Haemorrhoid Harry and Dizzy Dennis were playing up at this stage.

I was appreciating this relief when I remembered all the jobs I had to get done on Monday and or Tuesday, Tsk!

Did some graphicationalisationing on CorelDraw/Paint.

Had me nosh and settled to watch TV, fell asleep at first commercials, woke up a 0300hrs and got up.

Tsk!

Inchcock today: Friday 24th Feb 2017:

Friday 24th February 2017

Mongolian: 24 Хоёрдугаар сарын 2017

After the maintenance men came and woke me up last night at 1125hrs, they were gone by midnight after telling me they could do nothing, but they would send someone around in the morning to look at the leaking kitchen window and screw if closed. How I clean the outside after that I don’t know. They are very good at this, getting out of doing anything and sounding knowledgeable at the same time, you know. So I stayed up on the computer all night.

So I stayed up on the computer all night. I tried to use the WordPress G-Suite but ended up having to contact their helpline again, and after a few hours was no closer to a solution than I was before. Tsk!

I tried around 0340hrs to clean up the mess still left from the floods and realised about 0430hrs what a Plonka, I am… They will only make another mess when they come won’t they? I felt a little like a Punchinello, physically and mentally.

Made a note to remind me to call BJ to tell him about my nor being able to attend the Tenant’s Social Hour again and why. Must ask him if he can call on me, so I can give him the nibbles to hand out, and show him the message about a trip out from the Papplewick Pumping Station.

Then, around 0555hrs, I got on with finishing yesterday’s post and then started this one off. Had to limp to the porcelain and was well pleased that the bleeding from Little inchy had stopped – but Haemorrhoid Harry had started. Cleaned my lower regions and the bowl up medicated the rear end and proceeded to feel a little sorry for myself again.

I loathe myself for self-pitying, but even I find it hard to take so many Whoopsiedangleplops so often and continuously as of the last few days. I pondered on what had occurred over the last two day: Crippled myself going to and getting onto and off of the Nottingham Wheel, cut my finger, burnt my hand, flooded the wetroom, lost my notepad, got the day wrong for the cleaners and the clinic on the same day, Little Inchy bleeds started again after weeks of no bother, new pains in the hip, rain coming in through the kitchen window and flooding that, had to turn off the heater cause it got in that too. the batteries ran out on the same day to toothbrush and radio, got overcharged at the shop, got on the wrong bus, sleep has become an impossibility, broke the thermometer, the repairmen arrived at nearly midnight to wake me up to look at the leaking kitchen window that they could do nothing with but arranged for others to call today to ‘screw it in place’? Got demand for a second TV licence, got told off eight times by Olive, No one told me the Tenant’s Meeting had changed from Thur to Fri – and now I can’t get to that! (Well I might if they come really early?) Hobbled painfully up into Mapperley to get some vegetables and lost a tenner somehow… there’s probably more, but these just came to mind yer know.

Took my medications, made a cuppa and just had to sigh and smile to myself when I dropped the milk as I had a dizzy spell, bent to pick up the handily placed mop from the bucket I’m left ready for the rain to come in again and the mop broke in half!!! These Whoopsiedangleplops are getting beyond a joke now, surely they must ease off soon?

Oh, and a letter from the Bank arrived yesterday, it is in the process of being sold off, so I have to consider moving the cash to another one to be on the safe side, Olive advises me. Another job to get done… Will it never end! I beseech the Lord to save my sanity before I become unhinged, and to please save my rationale… oh that sounded good didn’t it? Cheered missen up a bit now. Hehehe!

Another cup of strong tea and then did the health checks. The pulse has gone back down nicely.

Carried out the ablutions, made anther cuppa and rang BJ, no answer, though.

Worked on a new Excel sheet for the Health Checks for an hour or two, hard work when you’re not sure what you’re doing. Haha! Got it done in a fashion.

I rang BJ again, still no answer.

Tried to do some work on a poem, but the concentration wasn’t there.

Once more I rang BJ, he was at the Social meeting. I explained the situation and asked him to inform the others.

Got the vegetables in the slow cooker.

Felt a bit frustrated still, I can’t go out to take the rubbish bins out, go to the shop, visit Olive or anything because the maintenance men who said they would arrive between 0800 > 1200hrs and who came at midnight on their last visit to tend to the kitchen window may arrive at any time? (They didn’t though)

Got the meal going, battered sausages, veg, an apple and a potato. Took a photograph of it, but once again the unfathomable Photo Genie Gremlin removed it from the SD card??? Humph!

Cleaning up after the meal, the Whoopsiedangleplops returned – I’d left the saucepan on the heat while eating and the pan was burnt beyond salvation, I tried to clean it along with the other accoutrements and managed with great ease to cut my Arthur Itis ridden finger end while cleaning the apple divider. But it was a poor effort, hardly bled at all: Perhaps the Whoopsies are easing up in severity? I do hope so.

Companionless and feeling uncherished (although understandably so, hehe!) I WordPressed and did some graphicalisationing for hours, waiting, hoping the maintenance men would not arrive late at night. I needn’t have worried, they didn’t come at all.

TV on, dare not use the headphones in case I didn’t hear the door chime if anyone arrived, so had to watch programmes that had subtitles… not that it mattered, I’d been up for over 20 hours by then, and needed sleep and fell off into the land of nod quickly.