Wed 10.6.2015: Inchcock Today

Wednesday 10^th June 2015

Woke at 0530hrs, Porcelain visitation a lot easier this morning.

In the dreams I’d had, one about Patti Berkert I could remember bits of: Patti, Lynton and I were in a giant teepee – Patti wearing exotic native Indian head-wear telling me off for something or other, Lynton kept hitting me with a purple coloured bamboo cane whenever I spoke… inside with us were a giant typewriter, an artists easel and a Monopoly game? That’s all I can recollect. But it gave an the idea for a graphic for Patti. Which I managed to get done later and posted this off to Facebook and Patti.

Down, laptop on, made a cuppa, fed the pigeons and took me morning medications and changed me dressing, managing with ultimate ease to bang missen on the head on the corner of the cupboard door – I believe I might have swore! Oh poetry!

Started this diary off and did header in Coreldraw x7.

Then I worked on something I’ve been planning for ages now – a graphicalisation of Patti Bekert in Native Indian clobber. This took three hours, up to now, but I really wanted to do it and hope cross-fingered that Patti likes it.

I’ve put Lynton on this version being as he had the nerve to come into me dreams… Tsk!

As I was finishing off the graphic making new pains shot across me chests – I don’t think it’s the angina this time. My reflux valve that is normally protruding has disappeared from view and feel as well, no lumpy extrusion? Just a sight or feel of any raised bits?

Today I must go to the GP surgery to book me INR Warfarin blood level test with the surgery nurse, and take some nibbles to the Launderette gal. Thursday going to the hospital with Pete to have his skin cancer cut out and tested again. Friday it’s my turn to have the same at the same place. Friday I must also go to the City Homes and Guinness Homes in search of sheltered housing at a price I can afford.

I’d better get myself ready now, and get off. Spit and polish time then…

It’s the first time I’ve passed the St Johns graveyard during the day and found no dogs in it – thought I’d mention it like.

Plodded on to the GP surgery where I asked the receptionist for an appointment early on Tuesday so I could keep me appointment with Steve from Age UK Concern about viewing the flats available.

After much ado, I settled for one on the Monday (A day early like)

Nipped to the launderette and gave the gal her nibbles.

Then, off to the bus-stop to go to town…

Oh dear oh dear oh dear! No bus-pass in me pocket and the zip on the pocket was down!

A quickish hobble back to the dump and search for it was fruitless!

So, I walk into town was called for in an effort to see if it has been handed into the City Transport Travel centre, where I got it from in the first place.

So off down Mansfield Road and through the City Centre and to South Parade where the centre is.

A little further on, and this young git of a Nottingham Pavement Cyclist actually caught my left arm/shoulder as he belted by me!

They keep coming don’t they! Tsk!

I don’t think he even knew he’s done it as he just carried on threatening the other pedestrians as he disappeared into the distance.

Down and across into Clinton Street and bravely through the milling crowds I continued on me quest.

Down and around the back of the Nottingham Council House, and right onto South Parade and down to the City Transport offices to see if me bus-pass had been handed in and how to get a new one if not.

It’s near the tram stop and Betfred bookies, just passed the pub.

I went in and explained the situation to the lady, who took me details and checked to see if it had been handed in.

It hadn’t – and I asked her if I should try the Transport Centre in Broadmarsh. She said “No point, they usually get handed in here, and we can do nothing about re-issuing you with one until 48 hours has passed from your losing it!” I explained that it was over 24 hours now – but she didn’t seem too interested and told me call back in a day.

So I poddled down to Broadmarsh anyway, being stubborn and worried like.

En route there was a five man street entertainment band giving out some jazz near Marks & Spencers.

Had things not been so hectic and me worried about me bus-pass I might have donated a bit and stopped to listen to them.

I got to Broadmarsh bus-station and into the Transport centre there.

I explained things to the lady there – and she said there would be a £10 replacement charge if I needed one, and took me details and went to check.

She has lovely smile on her face when she returned – with the Bus-Pass!

Someone had handed it in – boy was I glad! Good job I didn’t take the advice from the other woman on South parade innit?

Me feet and knees were hurting badly now – but somehow I didn’t mind.

I limped back through to the City Centre slab square and waited for a tram so I could go to Bulwell to see if they had any cheapo microwave sausages in stock yet.

I was going to take photo of a family playing in the fountains.

But being as another Nottingham Pavement Cyclist came into view, I took her instead.

Swiped me treasured Bus-pass on the machine and waited the arrival of the tram.

Not never seen owt like it when it arrived – I nearly got mangled in the flood of aggressive passengers storming it to get on! Cor blimey, talk about risky business!

I got into Bulwell and visited some shops that might have had the sausages in stock that I wanted, but no.

I took a Bling photo for the folk on TFZ.

Then back to the bus station and caught the bus home to Carrington.

A few yobs lurking now the better weather is here. Tsk!

WC’d made a cuppa, and marinated me baked beans with Patti’s curried bean additions ready for me nosh of beans and bacon later.

Updated me Google diary with the appointments I’d made during the day.

Then updated this ‘ere diary.

Aching legs and feet, but so happy to and grateful to whoever handed in me bus-pass.

Got up to make a cuppa and boy did I have a dizzy spell – alright now, but I must inform the nurse on Monday about the increase in severity and frequency of these.

By gum I enjoyed me nosh tonight!

Varied the ingredients in the curried beans a bit this time:

1 pinch curry powder – Worcestershire sauce – half teaspoon Unrefined brown sugar – black pepper – BBQ Tomato ketchup – sultanas – basil and caramelised red onion relish. Not bad at all. Rated it: 8/10. Mind you, the bacon was Gammon misshapes this time.

Going upstairs had a dizzy at the top and I went over. All okay though, banged me elbow that’s all. I’m hoping there will be no more Whoopsiedangleplops for a while now.

Hey-ho!

TTFN all.

Tue 9.6.2015: Inchcock Today – Still busy the Lad is

Tuesday 9^th June 2015

What a night, waking every ten minutes, panicking about I don’t know what… Huh!

Up around 0500hrs, painful porcelain session. (Nowt new there then!)

The moon still visisble in the morning sky.

Made a cuppa and took me medications.

Laptop on to start this diary off. Made the header yesterday!

BJ calling to lift me and me bags of washing to the launderette later, good of him.

0534hrs the pigeons came down for their breakfast.

I’m feeling apprehensive and nervous this morning and don’t know why?

Getting the shakes doesn’t help.

Did some shredding.

BJ arrived 0815hrs and we were off to the launderette.

The cuddly big gal was on duty, her with the twinkling eyes and appealing bodily features that stir things in my anatomy that have not been socially activated in donkeys years!

(Shudder).

BJ went to the cafe for his beakfast.

When he returned to read his newspaper, he got a phone call with more bad news for him – it obviously upset the lad and ruined his day whatever it was.

I didn’t inquire what it was, if he feels he needs or wants to tell me he knows he can.

All finished we waved goodbye to the Polish gal (Sadly on my half) and we set of to Asda to get some shopping.

And what a clot I was. My intention was to get brad thins, tinned tomatoes and some herbs that I wanted to try out, Oregano and Basil.

By the time I got to the checkout, I had in me trolley:

2×6 Bread thins – Oregano – Basil – Milk – Hz Beans – Bleach – Dettol spray – Sausages – Bacon offcuts – Pickled beetroot – Pickled onion flavoured nibbles – Food containers and Spare Rib and BBQ flavoured pot noodles because they were on offer at 50p instead of £1.

I’m getting worried about me spending – yer can see why? No will-power when it comes to shopping lately. Tsk!

Instead of spending about £4, I spent £30.80!

Back to the flea-pit BJ ran me – I hope whatever is bothering him can be sorted-out.

Put me shopping away and marinated me tomatoes in a microwave dish with the new herbs Oregano and Basil with Himalayan rock salt and black pepper. Going to have bacon and sausage with it later.

Started the laptop and updated this bromidic tosh.

Did a bit of Fcebooking and WordPress readering.

Made me nosh. Rated it 7.8/10. Bacon misshapes, two microwave sausages in a can of chopped tomatoes seasoned with salt, black pepper, oregano and basil, with bread thins.

It might not look good, but it tasted good!

Got settled and had me medications.

Fell asleep for an hour and a half then got this diary updated.

Read the instruction book for Serif Draw X6 – but I’m not any wiser now. Tut!

I had a pot BBQ pot-noodle… oh dear… the rear end is leaking blood again, better get it sorted.

TTFN all.

Inchcock over the years – Not suitable for those of a nervous disposition!

The UK Confederation for the abolition of Facial and Bodily Imperfectness are publishing this collage of Inchcock’s mush as a warning to others, especially the unaware young and misguided shoplifters, of what can happen as one ages.

No Inchcocks were harmed in the production of this post (Well, not much)

Mon 8.6.15: Inchcock Today: In a mingent state, Poor thing!

Monday 8^th June 2015

Woke at 0540hrs, no bleeding from other end – good that – unfortunately I’m somewhat mingent with the bladder – Hey-ho.

**This mornings sky – forewarning of nice weather and local yobs un-hibernating… Huh!**

Busy day ahead for me… again Tsk!

Took me medications with a cuppa.

Got to get me posts finished and put them on the League of Mental Men WordPress site.

That took me 3.5 hours to get done.

Hey-ho, now to get the things done ready for BJ who called last night, he’s calling today at 1200hrs to collect the stuff for the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop and take them there for me, and drop off me shredded paper in the recycling bin.

So, better get on with sorting them out ready.

Back in a while…

Did much sorting and shredding, having 4 big boxes and a bag to go when BJ arrives at 1200hrs (We’ll see).

Had a wash and change and continued shredding away.

Spot on the dot – BJ arrived at 12.55hrs. Good old BJ never fails to be late bless him.

The bladder still painful when in use. Huh!

We loaded BJ’s car and he took me to the Recycling station, where all the bins were full. We managed between us to half close the lid on the bin we deposited me shredding results in.

Then to the Nottingham Hospice Charity shop.

BJ went into the Co-op to get some stuff for his better half and I went in with him and got some bread thins.

BJ ran me back to the dump. I thanked him and he shot off after kindly telling me he’d pick me up in the morning at 0800hrs with me laundry and take me to the launderette like.

Got in and pondered on what to have fer me nosh – decided on sausage, mash, garden peas, carrots and chick peas. I cooked em in Red onion caramelised cooking sauce. Oh, and some bacon bits.

It was one of me better tasting meals this one, it were grand. I wondered if I should send the recipe to Her Majesty like – but being as she hasn’t send me single birthday card in 69 years, I decided against it. Hehe!.

Laptop on to update this diary, then did some Facebooking.

Feeling somewhat shattered at the moment?

Sun 7.6.2015: Inchcock Today

Sunday 7^th June 2015

Woke at 0545hrs, mucho bleeding from the little Inch again.

On the WC – and couldn’t get off for 45 minutes! Oh dear… blood from the other end now. Tsk!

Cuppa and medication taken – pots cleaned and laptop on.

Did a graphic for Clivey Boy and emailed it to him. Coreldraw x7 crashed again! Grrr!

Then did the header for this diary – and started it off.

Early yobboes lurking up and down the street this morning?

Another cuppa, then finished me blogs for yesterday and got them posted – only took me four hours.

Had a good scrub-up and shave, in me togs and set off to town.

When I got towards the Victoria bus-station, I took a photo showing the old filled in railway lines and the supports that hold up the actual bus-station.

I bet that took some graft and know-how to get built?

Caught the C single decker bus to Mansfield (another instant decision made to to Mansfield).

We went through Bulwell, Hucknall which I took the first photograpicalisation of me often visited GUM clinic as the bus went passed it like. Memories flooded back to me… eurgh!

Then through Newstead then Annesley where I tried to take a photo of some horses in the fields as sped along, but this dark blue Transit van is all I got as he sped passed us!

Huh!

Just passed Annesley I managed to take a photo of some old colliers (miners) terraced houses. This set me thinking of all the Collieries we used to have in this area:

Gedling, Hucknall No1, Hucknall No2, Linby, Radford, Wollaton, Newstead, Bevercotes, Mansfield, Harworth, Kirkby, Ollerton, Bentinck, Pye Hill, Thoresby, Welbeck, Clipston, Rufford, Blidworth, Annesley, Moorgreen, Selston, Sutton, Silverhill, Teversal, Firbeck, Sherwood.
Lodge, Highpark, Manton, Warsop Main, Shireoaks, New Hucknall,
Steetley, Langton. Cossall, New Selston, and Oakwood Grange, and I’ve probably missed some off the list?

I went into deep contemplating mode for a while. The miners were extremely militant and their unions decision not to hold a strike ballet was one route cause of frustration within Nottingham colliers – but Maggie Thatcher already had plans for the destruction of the industry in the pipe-line before the strike it transpired. Whoever one chooses to blame the most – the suffering of the colliers families and the break up of communities was so very lamentable and sad.

The bus was at Kirby-in-Ashfield when I pulled myself out my moroseness.

As the bus passed the graveyard that has many American Airmen in it I thought I’d take a photo…

But an ambulance with it’s blues and twos belted passed from the opposite directed and frit me a bit Hehe.

That was two photographs ruined. Would I make me hat-trick I thought?

At Sutton bus-station I noticed that KFC had done there… er… food place up and made it look nice now – shame there was no one actually going in it for the time we were there waiting for the bus to move.

We drove on eventually getting in Mansfield bus station, and I made me way to the book shop to get half the money back I paid for em, when I got two more book and swapped em – if yer see worra mean like.

It had closed down – Huh!

So I poddled up to the B&M store and had a wonder around.

Got a packet of bacon that looked nice and was cheap.

Well!

Then I moved up to have a decker in the Pound-stretcher shop – they had some dried onions in, and jars of Red onion cooking sauce with Rosemarie, so I got one of each.

As you can see, the Pound-Stretcher shop was very busy by the photo on the left wot I took see. And this is just one of five aisles in the place – wonder how long they’ll last?

Then I trudged back to the bus-station and caught a Pronto bus back to Nottingham, that would drop me of in Carrington.

The house I photographed while we were driving passed it is the one just bought by a certain media mogul chappy with a beard. A bargain at £3.3m I’m sure.

Of course I was goiing to put in a bid missen like – but he beat me to it.

The sky looked nice and bright as I got back into Carrington.

Made me way back to the bomb-site with aching feet – not the bomb site with aching feet like, it wer me with the aching feet!

Yobboes on the street, had to go through them to get in the house, luckily cars were going by at the time and all I got was dirty looks form them.

WC’d and updated this diary.

Then had me bacon with me flavoured baked beans and bread thins.

And jolly nice it was too…

Evening all!

Inchcocks Further Thoughts on Politicians – in Prose

Further thoughts on Politicians

There’s not many that haven’t had an illicit love affair,

They are experts and tutored in spouting lies and hot air,

They dance around giving answers like Andy Capp or Fred Astaire,

Most Ministers have never worked, or known financial despair,

They fiddle expenses, get a pay rise of 9.6%, that’s so unfair,

They say the IPSA sets their salary now, they declare,

But they set the wage of IPSA of £40,400 per manager…yea?

And grant the IPSA expenses; of this the part-time IPSA are aware,

The rot set in with the crooked nihilistic, nepotistic Tony Blair.

–

Most are millionaires too, jealous… me? Now where’s me bus pass?

Cameron, and his cronies will never worry about the cost of gas,

Despite his cabinet consisting of a cruel men, an inertial mass,

PMs a group from superior stock, all unethical, bold as brass,

They are not caring, they are cruel, pitiless and crass.

They ought to hypnotised into being honest en mass,

They’ve taken away my few benefits, ‘cause I bought a pension,

Paid into it for fifty odd years, worse off now, makes you laugh,

It’s the weak they prey on, ignore, laugh at and harass!

–

Not for workers or pensioners, warmth, good food or an au pair,

I can’t afford a holiday or even the petrol or train fare,

No BUPA for me, just the ailing NHS hospital care,

The NHS staff are harangued and frustrated, but they really care,

MPs strut and pose, well fed, clothed, looking debonair,

While pensioners are struggling, broke, in utter despair,

They have their earnings from bribes and many an offshore share,

They sit in central heated offices, in their reclining chair,

Of others poverty, frustration and pain, they seem totally unaware!

Bless them. (Spit!)

Sat 6 June 2015: Inchcock Today –

Saturday 6^th June 2015

Woke at 0400hrs, tried to get back to kip, but gave up and hauled missen painfully up made a cuppa and had a pot of porridge and medications for breakfast for a change.

While eating this some memories of the dreams I’d came came back to me – not a lot – but some.

I was serving in an old counter shop and the queues outside led for miles down the road? Somehow as I served fruit and veg and fresh fish to people, the stocks seemed to get replaced automatically. This seemed to go on for hours and hours, then suddenly I was in a tiny lift, with goblins attacking me, blood all over the place… then a lady came into the lift to complain about the noise and hit me over the head with her umbrella? That’s all I recall.

I got the laptop on and replied to some emails, then opened Coreldaw X7 and did the header for today’s diary. Then did a graphic for Danny Soz, then got carried away trying to sort out the options again on the screen.

Did a bit of Facebooking.

Then started to create me next ‘It’s A funny Old Life’ instalment. Took me hours to compile and get something like right, then I didn’t like it after all – so will do a new one later. I update an old one about the Royal Visit to Nottingham and got that posted instead.

The next few hours were spent between researching me ode facts, getting myself confused and doing graphics.

Decided to have a walk about – so went up and made missen presentable-ish and fed the pigeons as I left on me little walk around.

I thought how beautiful a day it was and took a photo of the trees and sky – that was when even I heard the crunch of one of the cars in the distance at the Pelican lights hitting the one in front!

I caught the bus into town and called in the Victoria Shopping Centre as I wobbled along on little walk around the City Centre.

I dropped into Tesco and had a stroll around and bought some bread thins and cheapo little swiss rolls – * Please note that at various point I put other stuff in me basket, and through sheer will-power and the desire to do the right thing – I returned the cream Horns and spreadable butter back to shelves where I got them from… I hope you are suitably impressed with this?

Oh sod-it… alright, I’d not taken enough money with me! Tsk!

I considered going down Clumber Street to go in the Jessop Camera shop to ask for advice on why me photographs on me SSID card have started turning themselves around on their own.

But the crowds put me off and I thought I’d walk the long way around to the City Centre to take some photographs and then approach Clumber Street from the opposite direction.

It was busy in the City Centre too.

I noticed a wedding was taking place in the Council house building and they had hired the old Routemaster London Bus for the fans, family and spectators at the wedding.

I managed to climb up on a raised concrete seating to take the photo – Ha! you should have seen me struggle to get down again – Farcical it were!

Parked where it was seemed a bit potentially dangerous to me, as folk coming out of Exchange Walk had to go into the road to see if any trams or traffic was coming?

Some of the Nottinghamian citizens were full of their usual zest I noticed. It’s good ale they must be selling locally perhaps?

Made we way down Wheeler Gate and called in Marks & Spencers to see if I could find an interesting shot of something to take.

I did, I got two – one on the second floor ladies department.

I’m not sure what the display was supposed to be selling – stockings tights I imagine.

But it was bit different, so I tooketh a photograph of it for the TFZ gals on Facebook.

On the third floor I came across a display of Gents summer-wear I thought might interest the TFZ lads in, so took a shot of these here mannequins in the Gents department.

I wondered just why they had made them with twisted wooden arms, pale legs and a white mask in place of a face?

There must be a reason? But why?.

I left the store and as I did some of the crowd started arguing between them selves about something – and a melee come altercation ensued!

So I braved the crowds and went through them up Exchange Walk and through the Slab Square again on me way to Jessops Camera shop on Clumber Street.

I photographed some art-work the Council had put up in celebration of Nottingham being hailed the cleanest City Centre.

Made me way to Jessops, where luckily they were not too busy, and i asked a lady assistant (Clerk for our American friends) if she could offer me some advice about me photo’s changing orientation on their own on me SSID card.

She was terribly helpful and patient with me, and let me take her photo to put on here with my thanks to her after she’d sorted me out.

She even told me how to change the things again if it happened again bless her sympathetic socks.

Not many as kind and patiently understanding as this gal in the shops nowadays.

Really cheered e up she did.

When I got on the bus I looked in me bag for me book and thought – Oh no, me cream cakes had disappeared!

Of course I soon remembered I didn’t get any. Ahem…

Back into Carrington and lurking yobboes were around again, so I took the long route back to the flea-pit.

I noticed how the clouds were so attractive and took a photo of the sky.

They looked like an artist had arranged and coloured them.

Got in and attended the porcelain.

Updated this diary.

Made me nosh – Vegetable curry, seasoned potatoes, with bread thins and an iced blackcurrant iced lolly.

Not bad.

Took me evening medications with some spring water.

Nodded off around 0200hrs – well that’s the last time I remember taking note of the time like.

Inchcock Remembers the Royal Visit to Nottingham… (Sneer adopted)

Inchcock’s Memories of the Royal Visit to Nottingham

Nottingham is preparing to give the Royal Family a warm welcome when the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge visit the city with the Queen.

Residents have spoken of their joy and surprise after Buckingham Palace announced Prince William and Princess Catherine will join the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh on their trip to the city on June 13.

The Royals will greet crowds in the Old Market Square, before making an appearance on the balcony of the Council House.

They will then travel to Vernon Park, in Old Basford.

Iris Busley, 65, of Skylark Drive, Basford, was delighted at the news of the Royals’ trip to the area.

She said: “I’m really gobsmacked. We’ve never had anything like this in Basford before.

“It’s a once-in-a-lifetime occasion.”

Susan Davis, 59, of Corncrake Avenue, called for everyone in Basford to turn out for the occasion.

She said: “I just think it’s incredible. It’s just wonderful.”

Buckingham Palace announced the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh will arrive by train at Nottingham Station, where they will be met by the Duke and the Duchess of Cambridge.

The royal party will then be taken by car to the Old Market Square to greet the public, before going into the Council House to meet the Lord Lieutenants of Notts and Derbyshire and invited guests. Huh!

They are one of 16 couples in Notts given the honour in recognition of celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary this year. Mr Starbuck, of Clarewood Grove, Clifton, said: “It’s all come as a bit of a shock. We’re thrilled they are all coming to Nottingham.

“We will be more than pleased to meet them and welcome them to the city.”

A spokeswoman for Sir Andrew Buchanan, Lord-Lieutenant for Notts, said: “We are thrilled with the visit. It’s unlikely a visit of this magnitude will happen again.

“It’s a one-off, and we are all very excited about it.”

The trip to Vernon Park will see the guests of honour treated to sporting and musical performances by children from schools and groups from Notts and Derbyshire.

The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh will leave after this, but the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will remain at the park to watch more activities.

Nottingham City Council leader, Councillor Jon Collins, said: “As the capital of the East Midlands, it’s great Nottingham’s playing host to this royal visit.

My response was:

I’m so glad for them both.

It will be a reet-treat for them!

Being a long time resident of Nottingham, being made redundant three times, living for a month on a pension that’s less than they pay for a bottle of champagne, recovering from heart surgery, suffering with arthritis, impetigo, and angina, collapsed reflux valve, haemorrhoids, and knowing where to find the cheapest short date foods to buy, will no doubt fascinate them.

I offered to show then around the places they would not usually visit without their nine full time protection armed officers and an MI 5 helicopter hovering above.

Well, you’ve got to try and help the poor little Royal mites, bless them!

* I can show them the fourteen police station torched in the Summer riots – or rather the six that are still operating anyway.

* The burn marks on the Canning Circus station grab bars still visible as you climb the steps to go into it to report your being mugged again still brings back memories.

* I could take them home and show them my album of photographs of the local yobbery, with the one of the young gang who terrorise we old fold with mugging us, carry guns, breaking into our property, egging our windows, door knocking and general anti-social behaviour.

* I could show them the scenes where a party-goer was shot in the head with an air rifle, that’s only a few hundred yards to the south of my house.

* Then the pub where a youth was shot and killed, that’s just a few hundred yards north of my house.

* The spot where a man sat in a car was shot at by members of one of the many drug gangs, that’s about half a mile from my abode, and on my weekly 90 minute walking route to the hospital for my INR Warfarin level blood tests.

* Take them on my 40 minute walk to town down Mansfield Road, and point out the variety of closed down retail businesses (46), where the 84 year old lady was mugged and hospitalised last June, while at the bus stop by two illegal immigrants one Sunday morning, the now closed down shop where a lady of 67 years of age was gunned down in a raid and no one has ever been caught for it.

* Let them see the colourful Big Issue sellers as they sometimes get off their mobile phones to actually sell an issue.

* The newly opened outlets in the city centre – the Charity shops, the Bookmakers, the Coffee shops, Pawnbrokers and the ‘We buy your gold’ retailers.

* The constant traffic jams in the city, where they could increase their word knowledge I’m sure!

* Take them to the Arboretum, where sometimes you can find enough grass to sit on without having to move the used condoms, beer cans (Empty), pop and water bottles (Half-empty), half eaten take away foods, fag packets, phlegm, and sick, while they can listen to three or four other peoples music at the same time!

I haven’t had a reply to my offer yet!

I recall when I was in E19 Men’s surgical at the QMC a few years ago now, and Prince Charles was in a ward to himself above us, with two nurses and a sister in attendance full time – having his ‘tennis elbow fixed’!

I was having a hernia repair done, when they found I’d got cancer of the bladder, so attended to that for me at the same time… bless them.

* I might show them a photo of one of me nosh’s, to see how it matches with one of theirs? I bet they’d only be jealous though?

When Princess Diana arrived on a visit to Charles, with her armed protection officers, they were admitted through a fire door to avoid the awaiting press – someone shouted out in great admiration – “Oh… it’s Lady Di, and all the staff ran to the window to take look down at her… unfortunately for me, the auxiliary nurse was taking out my drainage tube from my penis at the time, and as she shot off to get a view of the royalty, she caught and dragged the tube with her foot, and I was covered in blood and in great pain!

I bet nothing like that happened to Charlie when he was having his tennis-elbow sorted?

Angry? Me?

Well….

Fri 5.6.15: Inchcock Today:

Friday 5^th June 2015

Woke determined to get a load more shredding done… again!

WC’d and while suffering on the porcelain I got this idea for a poem, ode, rhyme whatever for me Inchcok site of WordPress. ‘Me life in prose’I’ll probably call it, ‘It’s Been a Funny Old Life’ or something like that – ideas ran through me head and everything else seemed to fade into the background?

I’d had some dreams I think, because the ‘Little Inch’ had been active and he was bleeding, but can remember none of the dreams now, so annoying that innit?

Went down and started the laptop, made a cuppa, took the bags out to the bin for the visit of the ‘Refuse operators’, and fed the pigeons as I did.

I chatted with a bloke on Facebook last night and he is in the same situation as wot I am with his Windows Lumia mobile-phone – lost and confused!

Made another cuppa and took me morning medications.

Then I got the header done for this page and set about creating me ‘Funny Life’ ode – I had this urge to get it done while some ideas from earlier were still in me head.

So I did. Took me hours.

Then I tried to master the new mobile and learn how to store numbers – huh!

Had a wash and shave and readied missen for me walk to town to see the Age Concern people.

It was warm and bright when I set off down Mansfield Road.

A couple of pavement cyclist en route but they were too quick for me to get a photo of them.

Up and over the hill, and on me way down on the opposite pavement a poor chap lay prostrate face-down, his carrier bag at his side?

The police officer didn’t touch him while I was there watching.

Annoying not knowing what had occurred innit?

I poddled on about 600 yards and heard the ambulance approaching the poor devil.

It was here I spotted the Nottingham Street Art in the side of the road – it must have been a recently completed bit of art, cause the vehicles had not yet crushed it. I named it “Unloved Fodder and the broken fork” Hehe!

I pressed on and called in the Age UK offices and spoke with the receptionist asking if she could identify Steve’s number on my phone. She could not help. But she emailed Steve asking him to call me.

I had a walk through Trinity Square, and the food arena actually had people eating al-fresco in it!

Folk near naked taking advantage of the excellent weather. (Mind you, it didn’t half change a few hours later I can tell yers – blimey, not half did it change!).

I managed to get a shot of some ‘Bling’ for the TFZ gals.

Quality stuff this time – or quality prices anyway!

£6000 (USD $9156.83 – CAN $11432.56 – AUD $12016.66 for a ring? Pretty yes, but even so that’s a lot of dosh!

As I walked around the Slab Square in the City Centre I saw these kiddywinks being led across it. At the time I took the photo I had an excellently suitable and witty quote in mind to use on here when I posted it – what happened to that excellently suitable and witty quote I had in mind I don’t know. It seems to have faded into the ether… Huh & Tsk!

Probably something about trainee shoplifters or similar. Hehe!

I wandered into Clumber Street and called in the EE shop to beg for assistance on how to store numbers on me new mobile.

A patient lass showed me how and made sure I’d got it before letting me leave the shop – bless her. We’ll see later when I try it after Steve calls.

Out and up the street towards the bus stop.

Where I experienced a rare sight indeed!

Nottingham pedestrians crossing the road with the pedestrian lights on green!

Yes, it’s true, I took this here photo to prove it! Haha!

Caught the bus, dropped off in Carrington and walked passed the chemist, over the pelican lights and up the hill to the GP surgery to see if me extra prescriptions were ready.

They were.

But it had been sent to the chemists!

Back to the chemists and collected them.

On me way, a Nottingham Pedestrian Cyclist nearly had me as he sped by – I called out questioning his parentage but he either didn’t hear me or ignored me.

The Git!

Avoided the ganglets mingling around.

The wind suddenly got stronger and the trees bowed it it as I got towards the fleas-pit and made a cuppa.

The sky suddenly went awfully dark… I mean really dark.

And the clouds started moving very quickly across the sky.

Steve from Age UK called, he is going to speak with Nottingham City Homes on Tuesday for me.

I then proceeded to store his number with his name afterwards – in me Lumia phone, Yaheeee!!!

Nosh tonight, thick bacon in chopped tomatoes in tomato juice with herbs, with brad thins.

I really enjoyed this nosh.

Fell asleep early – in one of those awkward positions – you know – where you wake up twisted and in agony, aching all over! Hehe!

Then woke up every half hour in a ratty mood with yourself, because your tired and only want rest?

It’s Been a Funny Old Life Part 1 – Prosed pathetically by Inchcock

I was born in late August nineteen fourty-eight,

The midwife handed me to Mam, for us to interrelate,

Mam wasn’t to happy, she was in a right two-and-eight,

Her fag ash dropped on me, as she did state,

Something the midwife to me did later relate.

–

“I don’t want it, throw it in the Trent!”,

If I keep it, I’ll not afford the rent!

Later she said my birth was an accident,

And I was not exactly heaven sent,

She lyingly said she ‘took’ to me later to her amazement.

–

She left home when I was three, leaving me and Dad,

I can’t claim this made me really sad,

She left leaving debts, that made Dad not glad,

Her leaving home became a bit of a fad,

The longest spell was four years, I wasn’t mad,

Mad and sad when she returned I was, poor lad!

–

At school, a rough one I was bullied and quite thick,

Did the shopping and cleaning, no time to get sick,

When Mam returned, I’d be cut to the quick,

She’d moan and argue giving us some verbal stick,

Another crime, and she’d do another disappearing trick.

–

She returned when I started earning ready cash,

She dipped into me pockets, leaving me abash,

Nowhere was safe to hide me stash,

She flogged off me LPs, that made me teeth gnash,

At conning folk Mother had no match!

–

The last time she absconded and ran away,

She was on the Police’s wanted list that day,

Leaving a trail of victims every which way,

Will they ever catch her people would say,

Reports came in she was in San Francisco Bay?

Or Mablethorpe, Lincoln, France or Torbay?

For many months she eluded police, kept em at bay,

Eventually she had her day in court after much delay,

My Sister well remembers that infamous day!

–

The court packed with character referers would you believe?

Mother falsly crying upon her shoplifted sleeve,

They read out the charges, it was hard to concieve,

One hundred and nineteen, twas hard to preconceive,

A tangle web of conning and stealing they did weave.

–

The man who read out the charge got fatigued after a while,

The Magistrates even raised a sneaky smile,

Court spectators nodded-off for a while,

She charmed the officials in her own conning style,

It took several days to complete the trial.

–

Found guilty, what did the Mother suckered Magistrates give?

They gave her a furnished rent paid flat in which to live,

Increased Benefits to help her pay the fine, very allevative!

This suited Mother, her being so aquisitive…

–

More to follow…

Wednesday 10th June 2015

Monday 8th June 2015

Sunday 7th June 2015