The scientist & owner of the 46 laboratories, Billum; Master of Computational Finance, Master of Science in Teaching now retired. Has put his developments in his underground laboratories of a Time-Machine and Automatic Pickled Walnuts Slicer developments, experiments and creation on hold, all in the name of empathy and care of blogger Inchcock. Why? I’ll tell yer…
Billum invited Inchcock to come to his scientifically outstanding latest additional laboratory, dedicated to Medicationalistical ailments in the elderly. Having read the news about the Nottingham pensioner was having with his Cataracts, Glaucoma and Saccades in the sad old twits blog. He’s got plenty of his own, yet magnanimously and with great beneficence, Billum offered Inchcock to visit and “Have your Eyes Checked” in Laboratory 102, dedicated to Optical Solutioning! A marvellous offer and gesture, which the old Nottinghamian jumped at the eleemosynary offer. (Not literally, of course, jumping awake, yes, he can and does do… I’m waffling off of topic here again; sorry!)
Someone so far away, with his own ailments to cope with, and cares for others… That’s Billum! On arrival, they fed me, washed me, and we were soon going down to Laboratory-102. A fantastic, amazingly dazzling reception area… I think that his son Alan is the one who deals with the building side of things.
Billum’s other half, HRH Lisa, came in and gave me a sexy, pulse-prompting dance routine to the sounds of 1970s music. While Billum checked on Google, I assume to refresh his memory on cataracts, glaucoma and saccades?
It seemed like no time; it does when you are enjoying yourself. Before Billum took me through to his newest Laboratory-102.
He started his examination of my eyes…
Amid so many tests, prodding, probes and the usage of, to me, unidentifiable optical machines, some that played music, others that hummed, I smelt the perfume of my beloved (but don’t tell Billum) Sweet Petal, HRH Lisa… it was tantalising and moved my loins. Or maybe the painkiller that Petal Lisa gave me caused hallucinations? It contained Codeine, CBD and Cáñamo Hashish, whatever they are, but I felt no pain; they worked a treat!
I was spoilt rotten afterwards!
ODE TO THE VISIT
They sat me on a luxurious settee,
That was warming; they were lovely…
Served biscuits and a mug of Glengettie tea,
Petal Lisa came in and sat with me…
Billum was typing his assessment, you see…
The cats jumped up on my knee,
Petal Lisa, gemtly kissed me… ♥
I realised the tests done by Billum, for free!
I asked Petal Lisa if she wanted an adoptee?
Billum came in his report in hand and calmly…
Said, “It’s’ alright, you’ve got two eyes, not three!
That sort of puzzled and confused me…
Billum gave me a large bottle of CBD…
I went to take a wee-wee…
It didn’t flow very freely…
I said I know I’ve two eyes anyway…
Billum added, rather pleasantly,
Well spotted, and sent me away!
I make these blogs for Billum and Lisa, my Petal, Not for anything that is epithetical… But to raise a laugh, which to me is congenital, For Billum, Alan and my precious Lisa Angelical! I believe a laugh is as effective as hexobarbital,
Enough of this waffle, I need another pittle, Usually a painful trickle… But releasing it is vital… But having a laugh, trying to be comical… To me, is worthy and commonsensical! Even in this ode, that’s pathetical!
I seem to have carried on from yesterday’s hospital visit and afterwards; the pathetic cock-ups, Embarrassments and Whoopsiedangleploppings, and the brain is refusing to do as I ask or want! Dementia Doreen is undoubtedly playing her part. In fact: today, she’s been a lot worse than she was on Tuesday. Considering that she got me lost twice in the hospital, and I then lost the ambulance man! The worst thing was my welcoming the evening Carer with no trousers on. I got so far behind that I had to limit the content a smidge and cut it short in places. Cheers! Enough of my moaning… no doubt more will follow. (It was all different in the end, I was up for over 23hrs, but not in good condition mentally or physically. Hahaha!) Not much sleep again.
I think I need help of some sort. Let the Diary beginneth…
Inchcock Today: Thursday 5th May 2022
06:25hrs: I stirred back into imitation life and worked out that although with many waking ups and nodding offs, I’d reckon I’d had a good four hours of sleep. I forced my wobbly bodied torso from the £300 second-hand, decrepit, c1968, rickety recliner to have a wee-wee. This was a frustratingly drip-drip affair, which still gave me a load of PMAD (Post-Micturition-After Dribbling).
Washed, sorted the bin bags, and readied them near the door. Made up Carer Richard’s bag. And made a start on finishing the blog on Wednesday blog updating. A cruelly slow job!
My Carer Richard arrived, looking tired out, poor lad. He patiently listened to my moans, complaints, and groans. A bit vague of things then… until the Iceland food order arrived…The delivery chap left the bags in the doorway; I offered him a tipple as thanks (Cider opted for) and got the carriers one at a time into the kitchenette. It seems that I had overdone the kitchen towels again… I’ve not got the foggiest idea why I do this, you know. I bet there was a good one when I ordered them, Humph! I got them sorted, wondering why I’d bought so many paper towels and wondered if they were on offer, but I did not know. There are no invoices with the deliveries nowadays. And the costs had risen sharply!
I got the veggie pasties out to eat later, and they had frosted over with my taking them out of the box last week to make more room in the freezer. I recall Richard warning me about this happening, and he was right. So I ditched them and some fish fingers and fishcakes that had gone the same way. Ah, well, that will not happen again, I hope. Now that Richard has bought me the freezer bags to sue next time bless the lad.
Did some more updating on the computer, but it took far too long, with the fingers shaking and nerve ends not working, Dementia Doreen, and the occasional vicious Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley’s outbursts – had created too much wasted time in having to correct mistakes that I’d made. Sometimes it was a job finding out how or what I’d done to get into the messes I did!
Received a call from the Ophthalmology Department at the Queens Medical Centre EENT. Told me that they would be calling me sometime over the next four days to advise me on the outcome of the third assessment and whether the referral for the Cataract surgery would be accepted. I asked if they could possibly Email me instead, but that seemed a no-no.
I rang Warden and desk-top dancer Deana. Explaining my having to stay in and why. Then begged her to come a get her nibbles and would she be kind enough to take the treats to Jenny, Frank and Norah for me. She said yes, bless her cotton socks.
Updated the blog again, and I wrote an ode for it at the end. As Warden Deana arrived, bless her. She was proper up to the neck in it this morning, too! Kind of her to take the bits to Jennie and Norah for me ♥.
At long last, I got the blog done and posted off to WordPress.
Not a single visit to the Porcelain Throne yet? And only three weak unwilling wee-wees all day, and it’s well into the afternoon now!
He was on and off with the banging this morning, then a break, and now he’s back again, constant tap-tapping with the odd clattering bout. Tsk!
Then an: I went into the kitchenette to make a brew of Glengettie, dropped the milk bottle, and stubbed my toe to get the mop and bucket from the wet room to clean things up! A bruised shoulder from on the doorframe on the way out. Of course, I just laughed it off; I wasn’t bothered in the slightest...
Well, well, well!… The Blood Pressure results came out nicely; at SYS 122 DIA 57 and the pulse at 77bpm. I was well-pleased pleased with those readings. Which really were much betterer. Phenomenal! Moved on to the body temperature. Another decent result here, too! Giving a 33.5°c, only 1.25°c from the target level. Thank you!
Found some lost sky photos. Put them on here on the left. Nice!
I was not entirely Compos-Mentis, yet, the brain was a little hazy. So I decided to check with the Google Calendar to look at any entries that may need attention…
A few items certainly needed to be logged in the grey cells by gum. Being reminded of the Morrison order, Joe the window cleaner, and the DVT Warfarin INR blood test, all coming my way this Thursday! Grobbleturds! I bet I get something wrong, forget summat, or lose track and wander off into Foggy-Land, at some time? Hahaha!
Got back to updating Wednesday’s blog. But not for long.
My friendly window cleaner, Joe, arrived, who, despite my checking of his visit on my Google Calendar, I had forgotten about! This launched me into one of my boring ‘Telling my troubles’ sessions, which I think Joe enjoyed oddly enough. For there were many laughs and smiles distributed among us. Hahaha! I dug around and found some cash to pay him.
The Amazon shopper arrived and rang the intercom. But I could not hear it at all, although the infamous was banging about up in his flat… again!!! I was lucky enough to have to go to the WC for a wee-wee and saw the light on the panel was lit. Also, the man was patient enough to try again after the timer had stopped things.
I thanked him and offered a can of his choice in thanks. I think he went for the Woo-Woo can. I got the bags into the kitchen, and there were a good few and some heavy ones. I’d stocked up on the treat cans before they go up in price again! I’d also got as many cans of the Chilli Con Carni as they would let me.
The cupboards were looking fullish again now. It took me ages to get the things sorted; unsurprising how many there were. But I even got that wrong and had to move stuff from the wrong places to the right ones – getting fed up with myself again. I was struggling to concentrate just like yesterday? It must have taken me over an hour to get the job done.
I was pleased to get back to blogging, no matter how slow I was doing with it. Such a busy day, and interruptions all the time. This means when I get back to the computer, Doreen Dementia has stolen some memories of where I was up to, what I was going to do, and needed to do… I’ve already found a timing error, items out of chronological sync! I’ll leave them now. As I write these words, it is already past 22:00hrs, so another sleepless night? Humph!
Next, a beautiful patient laughed at my jokes, haematology nurse arrived to take blood for the INR DVT Warfarin test. I didn’t mind being disturbed by her. When she came close to me to dig the needle in, she told me my nose was bleeding. (I think it was because of when I hit the doorframe yesterday with my chin and nose, Tsk!) Hehe!
But DD (Doreen Dementia) would not let me remember it at that time. I had no idea it was bleeding. I got a tissue, and only a few spots were on the kitchen towel. We had a natter while she inspected the Enoxaparin loaded hypos use-by dates. However, she inquired how you manage to inject needles in your tummy four times a day while shaking and wobbling like you do. I explained that the INR level has been so good for the past month that I’ve not had to do it. I had to practically insist she took a can in thanks with her.
I think that she may well have taken to my sense of humour, good looks, flowing locks, taut body, witticisms and youthful, masculine, muscled, young, vibrant body… Well… or not, like! Har-Har!
I took a photo of the darkening sky from the kitchenette window, and I dropped the camera on the floor!. Wot a clot! Still, it seems to be working, which is more than can be said about me. Will I ever get the blog finished? I tried again…
The ♫Oh, Susanna♫ tune came from the front door. It took me a while to get there, to find this box on the left near the door. Ah, the bowels/basins from Amazon? I’d ordered them to replace the ones that Josie had broken, so I got plastic-porcelain ones and these enamel ones. The enamelled ones, they were all made in China, of course. I got the enamelled ones, cause the advert said they will keep the food hotter for longer. I got three of these for Sister Jane as well. The problem with them is that each bowl has a sticker with Chinese writing; it didn’t matter if it was too small to read; I’d not have understood it even if I could.
The ‘Clanger’ about them is that the glue stays firmly stuck to the metal! So, another hour or so lost trying to clean off the glue! Then I could not get it all off, but I’d scratched the gloss trying to! What a waste of time!
I rang Sister Jane, we’ve not spoken for a while now, to tell her about the dishes. We had a delightful chinwagging session for ages, but I enjoyed it. For ages, the thought of never getting the blog finished got to me afterwards. We nattered about many things, and both agreed that the way old folks are spoken to by some medical personages is getting worse lately. That prompted a tale from each of us; Hahaha!
I gave up with bowls. And made up a bottle of Spring Water with some orange juice, then took this photographicalisation of the changed sky view.
Cleaned up and got the box’s cut up, all ready to go to the chute later or in the morning. The landline flashed! It was Esther asking how I went on at the hospital. She’s calling to see me on Tuesday, that was nice of her.
Then on the blogging, and again…
The Landline chirped and flashed again; Gawd, I’m popular today? It was Ethel from the QMC DVT Warfarin Clinic. Giving me the new dosages for Warfarin. The INR level was spot-on the button… that’s twice on the trot now, after years of never attaining it! The nurse had told her of my nosebleed, and I mentioned my walking into the door frame… I think she would have been laughing over there at this time. She’s a cheerful character. I’ve not seen her for years now. When (if) I go to have cataracts done, I’ll nip in to see her… that’s if I can see at all. Har-har-har!
I got the nosh on, and I did some work here while it cooked for 30-minutes. Pots, tomatoes, peas and veggie pasties. The pasties were Gregg’s, the meat substitute was not very nice, but the vegan pastry was delicious. Taste: 6.5/10.
Washed the tray and utensils, and along came Carer Natalie. I’m pleased to report that I had some trousers on for this visit (Fool!)
Ode To The Day
Lots of other stuff, good & bad, ‘appened today… Dementia Doreen lets lots of them get away! Bit, I expect this; often, I accept it almost casually… Cause there’s summat worse, causes me to worry, That may also be due to Doreen, alackaday!
Memory Maureen forgets, not always straight away… Doreen installs her daily brain-storms melee… Some thought I’d like to keep others to shoo-away, Usually, the nasty Thoughts stay, as they did today… Pleasant Thoughts always seem to keep well away!
I’ve many mental & physical ailments, and they stay! So everything I need to do takes longer each day… I’ve become a hoarder, who can’t throw anything away, Not short-term memories, of course, or clamjamfry… Fears, embarrassments, and shame flourished today!
Didn’t start this blog until well-gone midday… Carers, nurses, cleaners, deliveries this Thursday, I was awake from 04:00hrs until past midnight, I say! Concentration was replaced by tomfoolery and complacency… Time, dates, ideas, and fears, were in constant disarray!
I think it’s next Tuesday, my next pension day… Price-Rises, rent, power, rates, insurance, even pasta! Everything foodwise cost me much more today… Price of desserts and drinks, a 20% increase… Nasty!
My life is becoming confusing and delusionary! Gone are days of joy, contentment and the odd jamboree, Are Dementia Doreen’s influences really necessary? I suppose they have sort of become customary? Either way, she can be so bloody cruel and scary!
Got lost twice, forgot I’d got no trousers on… Oh, dearie me!
A Tale of Inchcock’s Day(Five Hours), Out on Tuesday
After another ever-waking-up night’s lack of sleep, I woke and was about to launch into a state of blaspheming Sweet Morpheus’s reluctance to let me stay asleep. Fed-uppedness, niggardlyness, and a smidge of feeling sorry for myself.
But, Dementia Doreen allowed me to remember about the hospital visit today, and the bitterness dissipated, to be replaced by a remarkably determined Inchcock, who set about getting all the things needed for the hospital visit. (Fair enough, he did forget some items, Humph! I felt almost reborn… not the proper terminology, but close.
I waited until it was late enough, and then I decided to get the ablutions done. What a great session! There were only two tiny cuts shaving, one clouting the head against the power box when I bent to retrieve the loofah I’d dropped in the shower. Great! That was it Whoopsie and Accifauxpas wise.
Naturally, something had to go wrong after that wonderful start to the day. Gragnangles! I sorted out suitable things to wear, got the risky job done first, and put the diabetic bamboo socks on. The comfortable-wearing long ones.
But I had to use Sock-Glide-Glenda. True to form, I trapped my fingers twice, the same ones, of course, on each sock. That thick plastic gripper is deadly! I got a welt and a couple of bruises as well. But this did not put me off cause I intended to do my best to get the go-ahead with cataract operations, and after a couple of mild oaths, I carried on and went to gather the other needs of the morning.
Comfortable shoes, trousers, jumper, and the sleeveless jacket with all the pockets in it. It’s lasted a long time this one, I said to myself, as I got the camera (not much chance to use it though, Tsk!) and emptied the pockets to place the needed items for the trip…
Oh, ‘ecky thump! After emptying things out to make room, and started to put the paperwork, keys and the Crossword book in the jacket… They each fell right through and dropped on the floor at my feet! What’s going on here, I muttered! I went into Sherlock Holmesian Mode (I do that sometimes).
The entire lining had seemed to go rotten! Only one of the twelve pockets was useable! Undeterred, I limped into the hallway to see if those hanging up had fared better. Two of them had not, and they joined the blue one in the extra-large bin bag! Humph! I checked the khaki one’s pockets. All seemed okay, so I swapped the emptied contents in that jacket. Got the PP’s, trousers and best jumper on.
I realised that Carer Richard was due shortly, so I thought I’d better check I’d not left anything on the floor in the hallway for him to trip over; he’s a good lad.
Guess what? In my haste, I stubbed my toe on the towel airer, lost balance, and was entangled with the tipped-over airer and towel on the floor! With new welts on various parts of my knee, head and face! Unglefrogwonglingisations! I later found that I’d broken a tooth as well. My spirits were getting a little lower than they were earlier. Cor, blimey!
I worked on finishing the blog, and the ♫Oh Susana♫ tune belted out from the doorbell. I expected to see Richard come in, but no! Another… I’d not unlocked the door!!! So all that pain and hassle was for nothing! I had left some stuff on the floor on the plus side and was pleased to move them if Richard did a Whoopsie of his own on them.
I went to admit the lad; he was alright about things. He soon got on with the medicationing for me. With a wry smile on his mush at my antics, forgetting to unlock the door, the marks on my face and head etc… We both saw the funny side. Hahaha!
I finished changing and was ready for when the lift arrived to get me to the ophthalmology clinic.
The door chime rang again; the door was unlocked, but whoever it was didn’t come in. It was Josie returning her dish and tray from her Sunday lunch. She did not say she liked it… Oh, dear! At least she didn’t say there was something she didn’t like about it?
The intercom rang and flashed – Aha, it was the ambulance lift. I told the man I’d come down, saving them the bother of coming all the way up then down again.
I made my way out of the apartment and down and out through the main lobby. Two ambulance men? Perhaps they’d heard stories about me? Hahaha!
The journey was uncomfortable, but all of the old ambulances I’ve been in were. So I anticipated it.
When we arrived, friendly and slowly driven, at the Queens Medical Centre, both lads came with me to the ophthalmology department waiting room.
Then took me to the waiting area. I could not hear anything the receptionist said, and one of the men translated for me. I realised then that I’d not put the crossword book in the coat or walker trolley. Shame that, cause it’s the only book I can read the clues on at the moment.
So I sat there, nosing at all around me. Bored rigid! But it didn’t take long for a lovely, attractive young lady to call my name out – but I didn’t hear it at first, and the gal took the bother to come and ask me, Hehe!
She led me to a small room with many machines for an ophthalmology-specific procedure. The blast in the eyes and many tests were patiently done on the beads. Deep family history was gone into, and about an hour later, I was returned to the waiting area to await being called by the Ophthalmologist.
During my wait to be summoned, I learned a lot, such as the lady in a cream coat is having smoked haddock for supper tonight. The man and woman and an elderly pair do not like the TV cookery programmes other than Gordon Ramsay’s. A lady in a uniform but not a nurse or medical one was annoyed when someone phoned her. I could not hear the other natterings, the acoustics are not good in a big hall. Hehe!
The Ophthalmologist lady came for me and led me to an even smaller room this time. Heck of a lot of examining and questions were gone through.
With Peripheral Neuropathy, I had trouble keeping my chin on the plastic thingamabob and had to look up all the time. The lady was not impressed or amused. She had to keep starting whatever she was doing again. I don’t think I was very popular at all. I did explain my conditions when I went in.
The eyes were tested using a log mar chart. In-depth history and current problems with sight. The Doctor knew what she was doing alright, it seemed to me. But I had to keep asking her to repeat things. Very quietly spoken lass.
I guesstimated about an hour later, and she gave me her diagnosis. Cataracts in the right eye only would be done; although you have cataracts in that left eye, they are not as bad as the right one. We’ll see how you are going with it when this operation is done before tackling glaucoma. She will refer me to the surgeon, 12-week an average waiting time.
During my appointment, she’d noticed Shuddering-Shoulder-Shirley and my right-leg dance. She was concerned because of the delicate nature of the operation. Even seeing in one eye sees is better than none. It can only be done with no movement from the patient at all! This doesn’t bode well! Nevertheless, I was ticked pink at it going ahead.
I was told to go to the main reception to arrange a lift home. I didn’t expect a lift back, so I was even more gee’d up now. I was feeling perkier now.
But I was soon back in my typical frame of mind, feeling a bit of a fool! I could not remember where the main reception was. I set off, trying to retrace my earlier route in reverse, and ended up in a room that looked like it had many babies all over the place? I withdrew hastily! Found someone to ask where the main eye clinic reception was located. And realised it was one of the receptionists I couldn’t hear talking a few hours ago when I arrived. Hahaha!
Anyway, I found it, and I had the job of hearing what the gal at the counter was saying again. She scowled at me and pointed in the direction of a two-seater settee in the corner near the door. “I’ve to wait there, then?” I think she almost clapped when she realised I’d got the message. She put a thumb up for me! Har-har!
I don’t know how long they were coming, but I was glad they were. When Richard arrived, he was cheerful enough. Then I made yet another cock-up…
By pure luck, I took a right turn and found my way to the outer door, seeing the two men looking for me! I couldn’t keep up with the chap and lost him and my direction again! Now I did feel like a complete idiot!
They got me inside and buckled in and went to get another patient from across the roadway. No problem. While they were out, I got my Canon camera and took some photo’s inside the ambulance. The first one is through the window on the back of the driver’s cab (above). Then one through the top side windows. At least I got a few photographs on my trip out, my escape from the flat.
Finally, one of the side doors and my beloved, makes-me-feel-safe three-wheeler walker. No patient came with them. So we set off for Sherwood and Woodthorpe Court independent living flats!
We were soon back at the flats after a carefully driven journey. The lads refused a treat of the cans in thanks from my bag. Ah, well!
But I wanted to make a start on this blog, which I did. I got in the flat, had a wee-wee, got the kettle on, got my trousers off, cut up, and cubed some potatoes to do in the oven. After an hour or so, the floor chime burst forth again…
To my utter surprise, it was the Evening Carer Nichola… no, sorry, Natalie. My inner clock had gone all pear-shaped with the visit to the clinic. After she’s been here a few minutes, I realised that I had no trousers on!
I apologised hastily when I realised; it must have been a terrible sight for her. We managed a laugh about it, but I felt awful and openly cursed Dementia Doreen! Embarrassment, shame, self-loathing and feeling an almighty, right a proper twit, all flourished!
Worked on this blog. (I did get it finished) I’ll do this in the morning (Now). I was up late, and when I realised it was gone midnight, I was getting fed up with myself.
I concentrated on getting some much-needed food and made myself a quick meal. A can of the wonderful-tasting Morrison’s saver chilli con carnie and some potato cubes did them in the oven, to crisp them a little. A simple and cracking meal! It could have been because I was ravenous and tired and frustrated. I added only liquid salt and a splash of Worcester sauce and vinegar for the potatoes. I gave this effort a mammoth flavour rating of 9.2/10! Really enjoyed it!
The mess that I made making the potatoes, and doing the washing up, soon brought me back down to earth. Hehehe!
Review of the Day – In Odes
Sweet Morpheus didn’t allow me much sleeping… Throughout the night, I would wake up jumping! But I did remember, today, the EENT hospital visiting… The best session for weeks, the ablutioning… The Porcelain Throne visit was messy and paining… I forgot to unlock the door; the Carer couldn’t get in…
A stubbed toe fell over the airer, got entangled within, Sock-Glide-Glenda left me with cuts, bruises, hands and shin! Emptied my jacket, things fell out, on the floor dropping… The inner lining had apparently been rotting!
Took me hours to sort another coat out, And swap things around the pockets… Got it sorted and dressed to look smart… Almost forgot to put the drops in the eye sockets…
Then the ambulance arrived, and I was soon in… Thanks, to them, for to the hospital were driving… The receptionist, I could not hear talking… Some advised me of what they were saying… Then to another waiting room, I was soon going…
First examination in-depth, the lady was engaging… Back to the waiting room, results awaiting… Got the okay, then moved to another area of seating… Had a chat with a lady who was fortysomething…
The second exam, even deeper, by a lady appealing… Eye drops were applied, and my head was reeling… Back to the waiting room, I did some earwigging… Awaiting being called back for assessing…
More tests on a machine and blinking… I smiled and gave the lady some blinking… But I didn’t get any return acknowledging…
To the Main Reception, to get a lift home, I was pleased! But Dementia Doreen sent the memory adrift… I got lost en route; I panicked and wheezed… Felt a fool, ashamed and almost had a tift!
Found the reception, a stranger helped translate, Sit in that chair (pointing) and for your transport wait… So I did and didn’t have long to wait… A driver came, said, follow me, mate…
I tried to follow him, but he walking relatively swift… Chasing after him gave me a glift, boy, could he shift… I lost him and got a bit miffed… Panicked a bit and gave a little snift… But found him outside, looking a bit squiffed…
Got home and lost all sense of timing… The mind felt like it was abseiling… Took my clothes off, nice and cooling, Started with the day’s blogging… Along came the evening Carer; I was welcoming… Until I realised I had no trousers on, and started scaring! Felt like an idiot, started self-caterwauling, Embarrassed, ashamed, frustrating!
Well gone midnight got some nosh cooking,
Canned chill and potatoes, no casseroling,
Then turned my attention to sleeping…
Dreamed about Jillie and me, canoodling…
I think I started sweating and drooling…
A mortifyingly humiliating day, disconcerting!
Last week’s Snippets – Part 4⅔rd,
Crimes committed by the criminal herd?
Murders, knifings, muggings… occurred,
Are sentences being suspended and deferred?
The end of public safety… read my words…
It’s started, the crumbling of morality…
Violent crimes are committed daily & nightly!
Such offences are falling, apparently?
Methinks the Government say this, lyingly!
Crime figures are given with a certain mendacity…
Repeatedly freeing killers early, to murder again,
And yet, so many people do not complain?
The average proletariat shows some disdain,
I’m known locally as a harmless lamebrain…
Who is generally a softy and relatively humane,
Who voted in Brexit to remain…
Now violent crime is sending me to Novocaine!
This young man, is our hopes for the future?
Crime reducing in Nottingham, we were told…
Now multiple murders every week, behold!
The figures are hidden, those unsolved…
Reported crimes are down… down?
That brings on a furrowed brow…
Little faith left in the legal system now!
Four months, suspended for twelve months, and 15 days of rehabilitation activities? Oh, good!.
A simple question, no need to gerrall upset abarght it, me old fruit…
Oh, frug-off! I don’t know where you’ve been, but the last three days have been heaven without you! Wherever you’ve been, can’t yer sod-off back to it…
No, no, no… I’ve been visiting the Morlocks, and I am the first Alto-Ego to do so!
Bollocks!
Ah! Yer see, you really don’t know who the Morlocks are then, do you?
I told you I couldn’t give a rats arse about who they are; why do you want me to know about them, whoever they are? I think…
Ah, but yer doesn’t think, that’s why you’re missing out so much… No! Let me finish…
Oh, go on then… let’s have it…
Well, you smarty-pants know-nothing. The Morlocks inhabit the earth’s inner and underside… and have done for longer than any tellurian life forms have, even before…
Is this going to take long? Only I can feel the need for a crap coming on… which will mean I’ll have had two loads of crap today… Hahaha!
Look Dumbo! This is important; I’m not kidding either. This could benefit both of us, and we can have a lifetime of fame… Well, fair enough, not you, you’re about to snuff it anytime now, at least I’ll be the most famous Alto-Ego ever…
I’m not interested nor bothered about dying – that’s cause you, yer foul-breathed bully Alto, have made me this way. With yer constant putting me down, decrying me, making me so depressed, frustrated and angry, fed-up with failures, this never happened before I found you lurking in my body and mind!
Well, that’s so nice of you to say so, and admit it too! I may have misread you a little. To know that you appreciate all my efforts to maintain your grumpiness, self-hatred and demoralised at all times – I think I
I’ve got to admit it; you’ve done a cracking job. So, go on, tell me about visiting the Morlocks then…
They told me how I could gain some visibility to humans! The Morlocks could see me clearly all the time… but I didn’t like that. I couldn’t sneak upon them, and they knew where I was all the while. No, I shan’t be returning to see them again. Thank heavens, tellurians don’t have this ability! But this gaining part-visibility is excellent! Again, I have supreme and individual capabilities that no other Alto-Ego has! Meaning I can scare the living daylights out of my current human, that’s you, of course. And learn to go fully visible with a bit of training. Of course, your time is nearly up, so I might go a little easy on you cause we’ve been pals for a long time now, and…
‘Ode on mush! Let me get a hold of this. You’re using me as a guinea-pig to practice yer visibility training? After telling me how much yer appreciate my help? You’ll likely give me a heart attack, and my limited time will be shorter…
Oh, yes, did you not see the outlines of weapons on me when I arrived? You should have; I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t, cause I wanted…
Screw you! You scumball! How would you feel of you had a limited life span? You’ve destroyed my self-confidence and frustrated and depressed me; I wouldn’t be surprised if you weren’t responsible for giving me Vascular Dementia… Ah! You were laughing at me, you horrible Alto-Ego! I just got a glimpse of an outline of the form you’ve taken…
Keep it cool, man! Well, I say man… Hehehe! No need to start getting new abilities now. You’ve got little time left to use ’em anyway! Why gerrupset? At long last, you’ve worked out that Alto-Egos distribute such ailments… Hold on, yer going red in the face now, that’ll do yer no good, Inchcock!
Why the pluck do you want to give innocent humans a mind-crippling thing like dementia? Are you telling me that you Altos are responsible for the ailment?
Of course, we are, Blunderbrain! It’s the easiest thing for us to inflict on humans – that’s why so many of you get it. Gawd, you’re thick! I mean, it’s not exactly easy, cause when we pass it on to you, we’ve got to wait twenty years before we find out if it has been successful or not, so you must appreciate, we have done it for our own good, yer see…
Gragnangles! How does yer work that out then?
Oh, Inchcock, you are so sad. You cannot see what’s happening at all, can yer?
Worrya mean?
Look at your ailment graphic above, and that’s not got the Kathleen Cataracts, Glaucoma Gladys, or Doreen Dementia on it yet, has it?
Well?
Listen, what’s yer worst worry, not counting being deaf, and can’t see much? Go on; I’ll wait while you muse over it…
Erm, not counting being deaf and can’t see much?…
That’s what I said, no rush, take yer time Inchcock; not too long, cause yer ain’t got a lot of time left, have you?
I’m trying to think here; I don’t need you confusing me more…
Exactly my point!
Wot?
I’ll keep quiet; let you work it out then…
Ponders: Erm, Duodenal Donald and Bladder Belinda have been bad today… Cathies Cartilage and Peripheral Pete have been playing up for a day or two… Dizzy Dennis and Sock Glide Brenda have had me over at the weekend…
Then, I scratched my head in the wet room, and it bled a lot… but I’ve since found out the Warfarin INR blood count was a little out of range; they’ve changed the dosages now. Summat happened on Friday, what was it? Oh, yes, The blood pressure sys went up to SYS 205 and DIA 88, and the Pulse had gone up to 97 bpm. I remember that. And having in the right eye (red-eye) subconjunctival haemorrhaging, which cleared up after two three-a-day days of eye drops? Ah, that’s summat I’d forgotten about. I must ask for some more of the eye drops. Colin Cramps has visited me for the last five nights, Little Inchies Fungal Lesion has been bleeding… and wee-weeing is painful, and sprinkle at the moment. A good job is that I’ve got a large stock of PPs (Protection Pants) in-store in the wet room to use. But Harold’s Haemorrhoids are stinging more lately but not bleeding as often as they usually do… Although the change in the INR level might be causing the bleeding on the arm after a blood taking session?
Even so, forgetting things is mayhaps the worst thing, so it’s Dementia, Doreen?
Yes, Alto, are you still there?
Aye, I’m waiting for you to tell me that it’s Dementia Doreen; that is the worst worry you have!
Well, pickle-my-walnuts! How did you know that?
All part of Alto-Inchie plan and design matey! By giving you Doreen to keep you worried, see how all the other ailments fade into the background?
I’m not sure… I suppose there might be summat in wot you say…
Even my being here, like it or not, takes your mind off of the ailments a smidgeon!
Yea… but we always end up disagreeing, which is not good, is it?
Or, is it indeed?
Anyway, hours ago, I asked you why you had a weapon with you. Well, why?
Just showing off what I learned from the Morlocks, Inchcock. Don’t fret; they are not real weapons. I don’t need them…
Har-Har! What you mean is you cannot fire them… you do not have the capability or physical skills needed to shoot them, innit?
No need to get sarkie with me, mate! It’ll only get me going making you feel tiny, a fool, an idiot, incapable of manual sex, mini-cocked, bald, socially unacceptable, pot-bellied, uncouth, smelly, repugnant, despondent, uneducated, lonely, miserable, uncouth, ugly, uncultured, underprivileged, scatterbrained, and pestiferous. Deserving of condemnation or execration… a totally pathetically inept old, repugnant fart, unwanted and uncared for, a coffin-seeking has been, who…
Has yer finished yet?
For now, yer!
Oh, good. I shall not return the insults, just suggest you go forth and multiply. Hopefully, with you never returning again…
Hahaha! The only reason I’ll not come again will be when you are dead, so keep on wishing, dumbo!
Oh! See yer anon then; in the morning, Alto?
Cheers, cocker!
A much confused Inchcock got ready for bed, did his ablutionalisationing, and climbed into his £300, second-hand bought, c1968, nauseously beige-coloured, not-working, rusty, rickety, crumb-holder of a recliner. And once again sensed the presence of Alto-Inchie, watching him ready for a verbal attack… As if prearranged, they started on a rhyme-a-line verbal battle…
Oh, you back again, come to lickspittle?
See that, no welcome again. Is your nastiness congenital?
Worrever yer want, be quick, cause I need a pittle…
Why can’t you be a little more angelical?
Cause I’m trying to sleep, and along comes you with your prattle…
Oh, that’s nice, to cheer you up I call twice…
Pig-off Alto, you’re the nasty one. Not nice!
Well, me helping you must come at a price!
Sod-off, I’d sooner be visited by lice!
I only came to tell you what day it was, Christ!
I think you are definitely agathokakological!
Your wording is anti-logical…
Tommyrot, you know that I’m sociological…
More like demonological!
Do you know what the words mean you are using?
Well, not all of ’em, but I find it amusing…
Amusing? I cannot allow you any of that, or contentment, entertaining, or smiling!!!
Was not? I’m just asking…
You nitwit, it’s the reason for my being, to cause you pain, confusion and much inconveniencing…
You do that alright, with your constant word-mincing…
Doreen Dementia has got to you again; you’re word misplacing and mispronouncing!
You horrible Alto-Ego, I wish I could give you a trouncing!
Well, that’d be better than us kissing…
Can’t we just calm down and start pleasantly talking?
Nae, you’d only start grumping, moaning and trumping…
That my unwanted, human-hating antisocial Alto would be due to your tormenting!
Well, I have no morals or body, like you who are in a state of decay…
Hey, hey, hey! You’re having a dig at me again. Oh, lackaday!
A?
A? Are you referring to my doomsday!
Yea! When you snuff it into the ether, your body and mind will stray…
No salvation, just nothing forever and a day…
You might try to pray…
But you’re faithless, right or wrong, who is to say?
Your end is nigh, and it makes me sigh; you could be dead by midday! Hahaha!
At least your fatty body will waste away…
Oy, Alto, You are betting sarky and bitchy!
Yes, thank you, it’s just my way…
I suppose I’ve led my life abstemiously…
That’s the spirit; at least your painful, pathetic, sad, pointless existence was led altruistically…
Altruistically? I’ll check that on the online dictionary…
Don’t waste your time Inchcock; your lack of education left you with a mental block…
And what about forgetting things, losing time, dates, days, keys, codes and the odd-sock?
You’ve not had a lot of luck, have yer? Remember when you were conned by the financial Shylock?
Aye, and being shot twice, made redundant three times, heart failure, Mother running away, ending up in the dock?
Duodenal Donald, going deaf, poisoned, being treated with lice, Shock after shock…
There’s a lot of my history you seem to know, Alto? Have you always had access to my memory box?
Oh, yea! From the go, mate. The first word I heard on this assignment was your Mam’s when she said to the midwife, “I don’t want it; throw it in the Trent!”
Cor, you heard it all, so it was true then, but that’s no consolement.
Aye, I saw it all, the fights twixt yer parents, the police collecting Mam for trial and imprisonment…
Oh, and the tin bath hanging outside on the wall in the yard, outside coal house and toilet, you getting bullied at school… yer life then wasn’t exactly suent!
You having your heart broken by Grizelda, playing truant…
Your fumbling attempts with Mavis from the end house when drunk…
Alright! Enough! Imperfect as my memory is, there are some things I’d like to forget, many a stunt…
Now, here you are 70 odd years later, done-in, pissed off, disabled, and languescent…
I remember the happy times when I lived in digs on Wilford Crescent; my life was incandescent!
Me too; I had a bit of a fling with another Alto…
Ah, but yer couldn’t have sex together, though?
Too true, but it was bliss, till she had to go… so sad though…
Why? Let your story flow…
Do you remember a geordie in the digs by the name of Joe?
I certainly do; that was sad. Heart attack, Joe died as he laid a double-six domino…
. Well, my affair of sorts was with Joe’s Alto-Ego…
She was transferred and assigned to another human called Domingo.
Wilford Crescent was good for me, bad for you, but there you go…
Yes, I lost concentration while Alto-Ego Christine was around… my making you miserable and depressed was not so profound…
I never thought of you as being capable of loving anyone…
Yes, to me, from her backside, the sunshine shone!
Little did I know the above-written ode would turn out! I’m worried now; I think I had a memory blank or blackout? Mistakes n everything I tried to create… a mental wipe-out! It took me all day to get the blog done, a mind whirlabout… Problems lasted hours… in fact all day, or thereabout? Couldn’t get to grips with the day, time, everything, a doubt? I had to keep stopping when the brain went on a gadabout…
Cataracts and glaucoma made things worse… The noisy, clang-banging Herbert above made me curse… Went to the Porcelain Throne; the evacuation was vicious, Rock-solid: it took me half an hour; this is not fictitious! It felt about the same size as a trolleybus! One aspect was not painful or scary; quite the reverse… Painful, yes, but no bleeding from the rear end, thus… Washed and did the Germoloid creaming. Oh, that soothes!
From Grammarly, mistakes of all sorts, I was being told, But I pressed on, which I thought was rather bold… Dizzy Dennis joined me; Herberts’ noises could still be heard, Why do I feel so bad could still not be answered,
So what I’m waffling on about… I did my best, but without any doubt… Faults mistakes you’ll quickly pick out… Dates and times mostly, serious and nowt… From start to finish, throughout… I suppose this Ode is a criticism redoubt!
I can’t really put a date as such, The photos, taken over 2½ days, It may be mixed up datewise in a rush… To get this blog done… with my mind in a haze, I dun me bestest, please don’t underpraise…
I’m depressed and in pain, in many ways, I really have had much betterer days and praise… The coming of tomorrow and better days, I’m hoping the confusion doesn’t overstay… And depression finally breaks away!
Forgive any duplicated photos put in,
With wrong dates & times, I know it’s a sin!
The ailments are bothering me out and within,
My hopes for improvement are relatively thin…
Good job that I don’t drink, or I’d have a gin!.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Photographs & minimal Memories
By Jimminee, and jolly good heavens above, what an absolute improvement on yesterday’s sphygmomanometerisationing for the level of blood pressure! Comparing it to Thursdays, nerve-wracking 285 Sys!
It tumbled down to 148, and very welcome it was to see it!
The pulse had dropped as well.
Another good result from the thermometer.
It was a dead-on target at 35°c.
I think I was; I had a losing battle against Sock-Glide Glenda again in the wet room. SGG 3 – Inchie 0! It all happened so quickly. Having completed getting the socks on, I was, with only one tiny bruise on the foot, and as I stepped over the frame to grip Glenda to remove her… And seconds later, I was on the deck, entangled in her framework! With a bruise that anyone would be proud of on my shoulder. But then…
Getting up back to my feet (bear in mind I had not got any glasses on at the time). I lunged at the grab-rail to assist my getting up… and missed it entirely! I then had a new bruise to add to the shoulder and wrist ones on my flabby belly as I went back down again and made a painful connection with Sock-Glide-Glenda… again! A few scratches as well, but they are pretty. The Carer said so when she came. She was well impressed with the shoulder bruise. But her favourite was the blotch come bruise on my left man-breast nipple; she was very keen on the pinkness and swelling. Hahaha!
The Iceland food arrived. I’m sure I’ve put all these on before, but it won’t hurt for anyone who may order beef chunks from Iceland to see the photographs of the three packs I bought again. They were all within the sell-by date, too!
On Special offer, I just looked at this close up of the red and khaki coloured lumps they’d sent! It was the same or similar colouring? It reminded me of the only time I’ve seen horsemeat served.
The JS Sainsbury delivery. In the centre of this picture, on the right, you’ll see three tiny sourdough cobs that cost more than the milk roll bread. Talk about hard! Gawd, blimey, they were 80% crust. Did my teeth no good. But I ate what I could salvage from the concrete balls of sourdough later on?
The ‘Best’ potatoes all had growths of bruises on them.
Can’t recall what night I made this meal. But I can remember enjoying it pretty well. The fishcakes with peas in them were tasty enough, the potato waffles were terrible, as were the fish fingers, all vegetarian. The tomatoes tasted excellent, cake and banana, but the vegan cakes cost more money. The potatoes and peas were disappointing. Taste Rating: 6.5/10.
I think I’ve shown this photo, but I am not sure. Sourdough bread, the Polish style one, mushroom pate and tomatoes, a soft imitation cheese portion, were almost as bad as the cakes. But that bread and pate. Was gorgeous.
.
Mike Fries: A good looking, Mafia-type, $23 million wage earner – no, I’ll take that back, he is not an earner to me. But, I admire his cunningness in convincing his paymasters at Liberty-Global, to pay out $15 billion to buy out Mr Branson’s Virgin Media. Then instructing the UK telecom call-centre team, never to mention Liberty-Global to any customers? Thus, Mike Fries cannot get his $15b internet service to run for a day without going down several times – and Richard Branson gets all the name-calling and abuse. (He’s clever, you know!)
I imagine that if any proletariat call-centre person was caught mentioning the name Liberty-Global to any poor Virgin Media customers… The least they would come away with would be getting knee-capped & sacked?
He’s a Smoke & Mirrors expert. A figure-conjurer of the highest order. The bosses at the top get the complete treatment from his financial sleight of hand and legerdemain skills. They likely actually are being convinced by Fries of the competency of Virgin Media? Which, of course, does not exist.
There’ll be some financial hocus-pocus going on that convinces the top dogs of his profit-making for them, even if only on paper, so’s to speak. It’ll be out of my league!
I believe his flimflam, hanky-panky, and double-dealings will never be caught. So effective are his smoke & mirrors techniques.
This is a shame because despite wishing him a slow, excruciatingly painful death for his cheating ways and knackering me up every day with his Virgin internet repeatedly failing.
I like his style.
I’m jealous probably. Hahaha!
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Evening Carer’s just called. Another new gal, pleasant enough with me. I insisted she had some treats, a nibble and a drinkie for putting up with my constant moaning about life. Hehehe!
It’s late now; I’m ready for summat to eat and a kip. I’ve got some spuds baking, pod plead in the saucepan, and a veggie pastie to add to the potatoes if I don’t fall to sleep first. I’ll try to get this finished in the morning.
I’d like to stay awake long enough to get some sunset shots. If Colin Cramps visits again when I get down, I should at least get the sunset photo’d if no sleep. Har-Har!
As I was going to have a check on the fodder cooking, I heard a clattering noise from the room I’d just left. I went back to investigate…
The new giant faux-fur brown throw had somehow or other, slid off of the £300, c1968, second-hand, decrepit, rickety recliner, taking to the floor with it: my Wood-Waking-Stick-Walter, Picker-Upperer-Percival, Shoe-Horn-Horis, a towel, two pairs of trousers, a pot of Cheeselets, two bottles of spring water, and two cushions! Harrumph!
I got things sorted things out again. And then went back to the kitchen to get the meal prepped and served up. No sunset as such, but the view was eerily misty, enough for me to take a snap.
photographicalisation. Served up the fodder. Two veggie pasties, two potatoes baked, halved and plant butter added. fresh garden peas and tomatoes. A banana and pot of dessert. Taste Rating: 7.8/10.
I got sorted and down to try and stay awake long enough to watch my first episode of Grimm. It started at 22:00hrs, which is too late for me normally. I remember checking the schedule, and it was 15 minutes before Grimm started on the same channel… and thinking at last I’ll get to watch it… Of course, Sweet Morpheus got me, and off to kip, I went before seeing the program start!
I woke a few hours later, a selling channel was on then. I rose for a wee-wee and needed the Porcelain Throne as I was on my way to the wet room.
Rock-solid again! A good hour I was in there, going through pain and having to make it worse by giving my best supportive efforts to constantly edge the concrete torpedo out from the rear end. Gawd it felt good afterwards, though!
I’m pleased to be able to report,
This issue has less violence of a sort,
Minor stuff, no murders, that’s a comfort,
Cause I may find one later, to import…
There’s no need to feel distraught,
There’ll soon be more, for me to flaunt!
Here we go…
Mental Health Act, I worry about it a bit… Many members of my family have known it… Malcolm, and others, they have seen fit… Locked up, losing their citizenship… One chap, they even gave him the snip? He hurt no one, ever, but he still got zapped? Now my family have gone off to the crypt!
Yet none of them had committed rape or murder, If the mentally ill are considered a danger… Could we not have discovered this much earlier? Stop waging war, spend money wiser… I’m getting confused, I’m not a scaremonger… Drug gangs, Putin, murderers, muggers and pillagers, Greed for cash… to show off and swagger!
Nor am I in my right mind, due to Doreen’s Dementia, I’ve not led a life, with very much adventure… But the mentally ill can be more of a danger… Cause we rarely find out, before they become a killer! That they have a problem, but a lawyer is a great deluder… Claiming mental problems, voices hear, trickery here!
As with the parole board, that frees many a murderer, To kill again… can justice really be absurderer? So many innocents, now laying in their sepulture… Because of the legal system, and its pathetic nomenclature!
Life imprisonment, they get out in ten? This is not rare, it’s happened so often… Judges pretending that the case is disproven… Like backhander taking referees, the Government to please, Keep the scum out of prison, the cost does displease… It’s cheaper to make them into parolees… So they can murder again, and with such f’ing ease!
Fair enough, put her in hospital, to play with frisbees,
She can be assessed regularly, by overpaid committees?
She’s better now, all the parole board might agree…
They may say no, either way, it doesn’t bother their fees!
Will mental murders ever start to decrease…
Is the legal system bothered at all? That’s the wheeze!
I’m sure we could find a way to help earlier, Please!
Before we have yet another innocent, deceased!
Humankind, seem to be losing the ability for conferring…
As well as bantering, bartering, and also, discussing…
Although some other qualities, they are practising,
Like moaning, complaining, thumping, mugging…
Battering, stabbing, lying, cheating, conning…
Grovelling, drinking, drugging, belching, killing…
Bedevilling, befuddling, begalling, belittling…
Caterwauling, shoplifting, fiddling, crime and spitting,
They have taken to with eagerness, and willingness.
This violence is getting a little close to home mate!
Like Putin, who validates it’s okay to annihilate!
Drink, drugs and sex, can easily overstimulate,
They put men on the moon, dead cells rejuvenate…
Shame the proletariats’ brains won’t recalibrate!
Mistakes my those in power, they just replicate…
Knowing their failings are worse than Watergate!
Oh, yes?
Even closer to my Woodthorpe Court, great!
Burglaries, break-ins, what a spate…
I think I’ll hibernate and vegetate?
Till Jesus returns, not long to wait!
Conditional bail? Sounds dodgy, to me?
What are the conditions? What do they be?
Why have they let this animal roam free?
Justice is farcical, in this country!
I’ll try to follow this one!
Local Postcode Crimes v National
The NG5 4DZ Crime Map. Been busy ain’t they?
A scumball like that does not deserve a lawyer for free! At least he got a prat of a lawyer, who could only tell the judge that he’d been a good boy, in mitigation. With his record, how he got off so lightly just proves my saying that the law is an ass!
This morning, I used Sock-Glide-Glenda, rather unwisely,
I felt confident and assured that I could use it injury-free!
I wanted to prove I’ve no need to be nervy…
Sure, that I had the ability, guts, and dexterity!
I thought this task to be just a formality…
Where I got this idea from also confused me!
It was going along pretty well, almost easy peasy!
But my confidence in my abilities turned into nihility…
Stepping out of frame, I lost my feelings of sensitivity,
And tumbled onto Glenda… tempting moribundity!
Scratches, bruises, welts… such a pity…
I soon lost my earlier orotundity!
I really am a liability!
Although the welt is morphing into putrefaction…
Add the bruised on the head for precision,
I came out in fair nick from this Accifauxpas action…
I’ve had no severe reaction…
It just spoils my good looks and beautification!
TWO
The Iceland Food Cometh!
No unavailable substitutes, things looked good,
The driver took the bags to the kitchen…
Thanked him, can of pop given, as I should…
The stomach wounds show no signs of blood…
I’d ordered some beef chunks, priced very good,
Went to get the fodder away as I would…
Then I saw the beef; some pieces looked like wood!
The rest were coloured red, as they should!
Above is the photo I took of one of the packs of need. Some pieces looked like cannabis colours blocks; the others looked fine. Opening up the pack, still in date, the texture of the CBD Hemp looking ones (about 30% of the contents!); was of an entirely different texture to the others? Things got me a little hot under the collar; when I checked the other two trays, they all had the Cannabis coloured chunks in them. I visited the Iceland site, and I checked the email that Iceland had sent…
I tried through the internet and found a page where they said I could email them… Fine, I thought, I’ll do that then… I’d got the details needed and went through a mammoth set of questions to finally get down to the email Iceland section at the bottom… But No! There was a list of reasons for the email, and one had to be selected. Otherwise, it didn’t let me get to the email page. Grumph!
So, I had to try the landline.
Dialled the number, and it was answered quickly… I waited… By a recorded message telling me they were experiencing a large number of calls and spent a few minutes telling me how I could contact them on the web, even recommending that I do that.
But not for long; the recorded message chappie interrupted the kip-the-sods-waiting music, which seemed like every minute. “If you want to know where your delivery is, phone…” Then next time something like – it was hard to hear him) “If you wish to question any charges… ring” – Followed by “A list on all new products re available at ……… .com” I had about ten of these interruptions.
Eventually, I got a real person to talk to. But hearing what she was saying was a nightmare! I answered all the details asked of me. I didn’t know how many pimples I had on my bottom, so I couldn’t answer that one… Hahaha! Only joking!
After only 20 minutes of the call being answered, I thanked her for her help. I’ve no idea why. I hadn’t got the foggiest notion of what was going to happen. But did catch ’email mentioned a minute before she rang off? So anticipate getting one (email) about a refund… or not, if I’ve got it wrong again…
I got this Email shortly after laundry and ironer Esther had gone. She kindly brought me the numbers to ring Amazon about the misleading information about my deliveries. Bless her.
And here we go…
Three
Amazing Amazon Cock Up
They told me as below on the tracker thingamajig. That the Galpharm Capsules would arrive on 20th – 21st April. They were delivered last Thursday 14th April). More of concern, they told me the Throw had been delivered last Saturday? I have not arrived yet! And was originally due on the 23rd of April. Confusion reigns?
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Four
Things started well; I oiled the ears to make them less waxy,
But they were still solid; the oiling failed dismally,
I syringed in water, which worked satisfactorily…
I waited for anything happening, cynically…
The noises from the canals became sort of crackly,
I viewed the treatment as failed – somewhat sceptically!
Nasal clearing, Germoloiding, Germolening… carefully…
All going okay; I Pain Gelled my knees and ankles easily…
Got the eye drops in… well, practically… but woefully…
Some got into the eyes, but with Shaking Shaun’s ability…
I got most of it down my cheek into my mouth, literally!
Then came the Blood Pressure taking…
Then onto the sphygmomanometerisationing,
In other words, the blood pressure taking…
The results lately have been astounding…
The last eight tests, all within a high rating…
But only just, nothing worth worrying about…
Flibbledonkackles! & Spurgledamnations!
Great Balls Of Fire!
Bloody Nora, what a shock!
This made me clench my buttock!
And my bladder wanted to unlock! Hehehe!
I’ll have to ponder and take stock?
I checked the NHS site, like a shot!
Computer on, I entered details in the NHS, BP chart…
My result was off the scale; I passed an unintentional fart,
But I felt well pretty well, as best I could tell…
Leave it; check again later? Is that smart?
Listen to some music, perhaps some musical art?
Joannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart,
He was only 39 when from this earth he did depart!
I’ll go on the NHS helpline, well, it’s a start…
This message came on the screen after I pressed the ‘Go’ button to see the graph. Automatic response, mayhaps?
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A typical day for an old one like me… ruminations… Frustrations, Whoopsiedangleplops, abominations, Lack of socialisation and communications… Accifauxpas, injury collecting, misread intonations, The mind’s acute lack of clarity and precision!
Deafness, warping conversations, Confirmation of hypertension… Worries about the yobbo’s flat intrusion, The brain is confused between reality and illusion… A nasty, Thought-Storm invasion,
But odd things that baffled yet pleased me? A movement in my loins, the first since 2003! A yearning to have back my 4×4 Panda Sisley? I wanted a pan of streaky smoked bacon, crispy… Needing the dentist to repair my cavity…
Hate: Dementia Doreen, for causing such deficiency, Denying my once held abilities, from logicality… Ensuring my confidence less, and other disabilities… My memories fade, but old ones remain: A malady? Not knowing what time & day it is, is not an abnormality!
Failed & deferred appointments, like with the audiologist,
A Doctor who I’ve forgotten what she looks like?
The Ophthalmologist, no appointments were missed…
That’s cause I haven’t had one yet, about which I’m pissed!
Three cancellations from the phlebotomist…
Just the one from the immunopathologist,
Four from the Gerontologist, Two for the dentist…
The DVT clinic, four from the neuropathologist…
Could I get help from a psychiatrist or hypnotherapist?
A couple more to put on the cancelled list!
I must stop moaning… I must desist!
The number of humans on this earth is 7.87 billion at this time… On the global internet, the users add up to 4,321,740 and 9! So your chance of your blog going viral is fine… But don’t expect it, as I did, then found a steady decline! I hope you do much betterer with thine! My last one got two likes and comments; one was mine!
It’s Doreen Dementia and Liberty-Global I blame, It’s fun to me, but it’s all money… a shame! Their service is as much off as on, and it’s a game… Farcically, ownership Liberty-Global disclaim! Telling the call agents not to ever mention their name!
Liberty-Global owns Virgin; the boss should resign!
For Mr Fries knows not what he is doing…
Or though maybe he does, he makes money fine?
It’s overpaying mugs like me that he’s screwing…
His bosses think that everything is fine…
With Fries shadowy, manipulative money moving,
All on paper, mist and mirrors… this profit maker-divine!
A gorgeous gal wanted me in the early hours of this morning…
Of course, I knew that I was probably dreaming,
This very fact, I found a little perturbing…
She insisted on closer, passionate probing,
To my delight, she was acquiescing…
We were soon manipulating and bouncing,
She was ready and asked for another trouncing,
No problem for me, and I began eagerly disrobing,
But my performance, I think, was unconvincing…
Surely she should have been rejoicing?
And as her knickers, she was replacing…
I attempted some more romantic seducing…
I found it embarrassing what she was saying…
“I’ll not call again; there was no pain – Where’s this leading?
I’m just glad I was only dreaming!
–
I thought the visit before was on the wet side… But this evacuation was even more undignified I failed to get there on time, my aim was wide… I cleaned things up, taking it all in my stride, In doing this, I felt an iota of pride!
Cleaned, refreshed, but I went from Jekyll to Hyde, As I started to get things all antisepticised… I dropped the Germoloid after it had been applied… And trod on it, swore, and boy, how I did self deride! The contents squirted all over, and my frustration intensified!
But this Throne visit had yet another downside to it… Leaving the wet room, I misjudged the width a little bit, Missed hitting into the frame; I gave myself a little merit! Stubbed my toe on the airer; fell, hitting under my armpit! All this cause I urgently needed a flipping sh__!
Thought Storms Erupted
The Thought-Storms erupted, irking, they attacked, Insults, fears, and failures were lurking and squirted… Self-loathing, diffidence, vacillation were not appreciated New worries, old ones, insecureness… amalgamated! It’s Thought-Storms like this that are most hated!
The cause of the forebodings could not be authenticated, For reasons, causes, I waited and waited, breath abated… Nothing was solved, understood or elucidated… The logic-testing thoughts, endlessly circumlocuted, My mind was failing, nervous and bloviated!
My resistance was worn down, crumbling, it wilted… My own thoughts could not be filtered… However, slowly the tormenting mind vegetated, Which was good; the brain needed to be rested… Along came a new wave of dichotomies to be wherrited!
Four days without being able to upload any pictures, again,
Frustrating, annoying and a bit of a pain!
I tried this morning once again…
Some of them loaded; how transpadane!
I hope the uploading thingumajig working does remain…
Or I’ll go out of my tiny dementia-ridden brain!
Still, here they are, with details that I can remember,
Dates, days and times; may be subject to conjecturer…
But I’ve done my bestest; I can’t be any fairer…
The memory is not so good and tends to flounder…
Thanks to the stroke, then Doreen Dementia!
Overnight I had youths intruding into the flat,
Not just once, but twice, not very nice!
That got me worried, I can tell yer that!
Youths, two to four of them, to be unprecise!
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Photo’s Rescued
Evening (well, I think these three are?), photographicalisations are. All three were taken within a few minutes, if I recall right, from the kitchenette window, on a patchy dark cloud-covered sky. What day ut was, I’m not sure.
A beautiful view, even if the wind was a bit nippy as I opened the window and shuddered a little. Hehe!
I managed to take a closer shot that didn’t come out too bad when you consider the weather, clouds and my shaking right hand & arm.
I think these were taken on Wednesday. I can recall being impressed. But not with my photography, but with Mother Nature producing such amazing sights for us all.
I think I took this second shot because I’d got a small red spot blotch on the first one?
Then I took the third one, with more of the land view shown.
I’ve just noticed that I got an even bigger res spot on this one at the bottom of the frame. Tsk! I got pains in cataracts taking this last one; I can member that bit! It was half an hour or so before they eased off. Humph!
One of the evening meals here. I tried to recall if I liked or enjoyed it… But no! I can’t even remember eating it or taking a photograph either. It looked decent enough. I think I liked it?
Ah, this was Thursday… or was it? I ordered this food from Morrisons via Amazon. I’ve just looked it up on the email; it was on Saturday, the delivery. Amazing how Dementia Doreen can convince me of facts that are so wrong.
Battered haddock, fishcakes, imitation fish sticks, Leicester grated cheese, mushroom pate, and pots of lemon cheesecake. With, commoners treat like from years ago, jelly and custard. I like ’em! Common and I go together!
Tomatoes, tomato puree with basil, Milk roll bread, Hovis white crusty bread, cakes, and cleaners.
I do not intend to hide my shame at all those cakes. But it didn’t last for long! Guilt flows freely in the brain, and intentions to start slimming crept into the equation…
After the Carer called and I collected the washing, I pondered on what to have to eat. And decided that I’d press on with the blogging and eat later on. The awful idea I had, was to have two slices of the Hovis bread, each with half of the mushroom pate, buttered and the slice of bread folded over the pate. With some tomatoes and nothing else. We’ll see about that…
I went into the kitchen to make sure I had some butter in the fridge to use, and the view caught all of my attention! Buy, was it a fantastic view, or what?
Wonderful! I stood looking at it for ages, as it quickly turned into darkness as the sun disappeared.
I came across this ‘Gannet-sized’ picture of an earlier in the week meal I’d devoured. I reckon on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday?
Sundays nosh. I believe.
I soon gave up on computing and got down in the £300, second-hand bought, c1968, nauseously beige-coloured, not-working, rusty, rickety, crumb-holder of a tatty recliner, in search of sleep.
A close-up photograph of the Chestnut Walk’s end car parking antics and positioning. Why do they spend all that money on chevrons and signage if they are enforceable by law? There are consistent; you have to give that to them.
Inchcock’s family early morning get together and chinwagging session. Koala Katie, Teddy Bear & Lil the Lamb were in a talkative mood. You think I’m joking, don’t you? Haha!
The clunk-clunking started from above. Even Duodenal Donald started to give me some gip! And he’s been as good as gold for weeks!
Within an hour, I’d taken Peptac, used Germoloid, Germolene and taken an extra Codeine Phosphate. What next, I thought? I soon found out!.
I felt the wet warm glow from Little Inchies Lesion bleeding! Got back up to clean and medicate things, then back into the pretend recliner… still in search of some time with Sweet Morpheus! As I tried to get settled, comfortable enough to get into the land of nod…
I nodded off soon enough, waking up two uninterrupted hours of rest later, and felt a lot betterer! So much so, I freed my scarily overweight body from the chair and went to make the planned earlier meal!
Taste Rating: 9.15/10!
Sat I think: I took this photo before tucking into the feast! The thick slices of bread were soft, the crusts crusty. The tomatoes were delicious for once. Wunderbar! And the meal was so easy to prepare!
Back to the present: Unfortunately, getting back to sleep was impossible. The Thought-Storms raged! Guilt, shame and frustrations flowed!
I was soon back up, needing the Porcelain Throne! But it went well. not messy, and no bleeding from anywhere!
I stayed up and made a start on this blog. Then had a meal
The highlight of this Saturday is that Jillie is calling to see me, I hope. 💜 Which she did! Lovely to see her, hug her, kiss her and have a mammoth chinwagging session!
Jillie brought me some Polish cooked meats. Bless her cotton socks! She checked on the dates and timings for the hospital visit for me. And offered help with cancelling the Meridian laundry service. I’m better off with Esther doing it, she irons anything that needs it when it gets back, and the clothes are properly dry and folded for me. This week Carer Valerie did the washing, returned it the same day (sometimes it is three days before it gets back from Meridian), and all was well dried and folded, but this is not the normal state of affairs. Thanks, Valerie.
Getting to sleep was impossible! The excitement of seeing Jillie, I believe, may have had some effect?
The door buzzer woke me up; in a half-daze and unsure of what time it was, I got to the door… After many hours of trying, I did nod off.
Josie told me her sister was taking her out for a meal tomorrow, so she would not need a meal cooking this Sunday. Good of her to let me know, Bless her.
I gave myself a toe-stubbing against the stand-up airer radiator hobbling back. Oh, dearie me!
Mage some of the small milk roll bread, buttered sarnies with the bacon that Jillie had bought me. It was delicious! A hint of garlic and herbs, Bootiful! Not as beautiful a Jillie, though, naturally. ♥
Alphabetti potatoes, tomatoes, a small lemon cheesecake, and lemon curd tart for afters. I think I’m cutting back on my food intake, and am going to start the bi-daily exercise as we did in the after-stroke recovery programme… well, all being well. I’ve just got to have a word or two with Dementia Doreen, Cataracts Kathleen, Arthur Itis, Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, Little Inchies Fungal Lesion and Duodenal Donald, t see if they will allow me to do so, uninjured. Hahaha!
I’m a little apprehensive and twitchy now, about the yobs. I bet they’ll be back again tonight… Clapthunder! If they do come, I’ll press my wristlet alert alarm. Even if I can’t make out what they are saying, they should hear me.
As I lay there fretting, I passed wind and made a mess in the Protection Pants to make things worse! Good job that I’ve got plenty in stock. Cause this happened again later! Trotsky Terence was in charge.
The evacuation started and ended before I got down onto the plastic seat! Virtually liquid. What few shreds of solids were a khaki colour, with yellow liquid. The stomach ached and was rumbling throughout. What had I eaten that could have caused this?
I washed, shaved, the teeth were done, olive oiled the ears, Germoloided Harold’s Haemorrhoids, and put the eye drops in (some of the drops actually getting into the eyes!). New PP’s adorned. Changed into the day clothes, and I put the kettle on. Took a Galpharm capsule and a Co-codamol for the tummy pains.
Later on Sunday, I worked on this blog; then, the Morning Carer arrived and sorted the medications for me.
I tried to find the number to report the incidents to Nottingham City Homes, but the number was only for Mon to Friday. I mentioned this worry, on the Winwood Heights Facebook page, hoping there may be another number to use. No answer, but it’s only 10:30hrs yet.
Winwood Heights Facebook Comments: Tenant Hugh tried to find the number for me. Later in the day, Warden Deana wrote, suggesting I press the alarm-alert button and told them of the situation. But, of course, I could not understand what anyone at the other end of the call was saying. Folks forget about my cataracts, deafness and dementia. Even when I mentioned the incident to my Carer, it was suggested that I may have dreamed it? But I didn’t… did I?
I was still unsure of whether to lock the door or not. Leave it unlocked, and the gang of yobs could get in again, cause harm and damage, and steal summat… Lock it, have a stroke, and the ambulance men can’t get in, and I’m dead… I don’t think anyone understands my indecision and fears. I chose to lock it. An hour later, I thought better of it and unlocked it. Two hours later, I locked the door again, which is how it is at writing this now.
Evening Ode to the day
The ganglet of yobs invaded my recluse…
In the early hours of the morning…
Got me rattled and aroused!
They arrived without any warning…
In they came, I put the light on, cunning?
No wonder I was confused…
They suddenly started running?
Else I may have got battered and bruised?
Will they return tonight?
Ready for a one-sided fight?
Will I get thrashed?
Or end up bucktoothed?
I’m not worried… well, not quite…
Local News Snippets – Part 4⅔rds
Last week’s Snippets – Part 4⅔rd,
Crimes committed by the criminal herd?
Murders, knifings, muggings… occurred,
Are sentences being suspended and deferred?
The end of public safety… read my words…
It’s started, the crumbling of morality…
Violent crimes are committed daily & nightly!
Such offences are falling, apparently?
Methinks the Government say this, lyingly!
Crime figures are given with a certain mendacity…
Repeatedly freeing killers early, to murder again,
And yet, so many people do not complain?
The average proletariat shows some disdain,
I’m known locally as a harmless lamebrain…
Who is generally a softy and relatively humane,
Who voted in Brexit to remain…
Now violent crime is sending me to Novocaine!
This young man, is our hopes for the future?
Crime reducing in Nottingham, we were told…
Now multiple murders every week, behold!
The figures are hidden, those unsolved…
Reported crimes are down… down?
That brings on a furrowed brow…
Little faith left in the legal system now!