Humour – Page 2 – Inchie Today

Impactless Inchy: Wednesday 15th May 2024

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PAROLE BOARDS FREEING TO KILL AGAIN
THEY ARE AS GUILTY AS THE MURDERS ARE!
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But we do not know for sure. Do you have any ideas?
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There are times, quite frequently lately, that I don’t want to struggle anymore with problems… well, anything. Which, of course, is an impossibility to achieve. At my age, my mental and physical condition is a smidge on the slope to depths of unmanageability. With Carer Kara about to be off for two weeks, my problem-solving inabilities will no doubt get further behind; the memory devolves into “Sod-It-Mode”, “Self-pity”, and “Confounding-Confusionability” are already at the limit I can cope with at the moment. Now, this morning, as writing, the have started again; below the knee, lumps are getting bigger and thickened for the first time ever. And started failing, in the fashion of, currently not too bad & . Just three times up to now, but on one occasion, when I was in the kitchen, it could have had me over. But for my razor-sharp reactions and cunning anti-fall skills… Alright, I was standing at the sink when it kicked off. I grabbed the edge of the sink and knocked over some plates and cutlery as I fell forward onto the draining board, having missed my grip.
First Carer Shaquille. Then, I got on with the blogging.
Carer Kara arrived. She checked the finances for me. She opened a British Gas Email to try and make sense of it, which I couldn’t. Then, she addressed the Demand for a Meter Reading from me. She went with me to the housing in the lobby outside the door and found that according to the meter, I was on five different rates for electricity! None of them produced a five-digit reading, which BG was asking me to fill in on their website. We were baffled by this! Kara said she’d asked the wardens if they could help. I’m not hopeful. Then again, I’ve been bereft of hope ever since having the stroke.
And still, no one wants to Adopt a Grandad. Hehehe!

I woke around 0215hrs due to the ankle ulcer and electric shocks and decided to get up, as sleep was not an option as the shocks became persistent.

I made a mess of the first attempt to snap the nocturnal pouch. I’m not sure what I did wrong, but the second one seemed to come out a lot better.

Even worse than yesterday!

Rubbish bag to the doorway.

Interesting shot through the balcony door.
I’ve forgotten why it was interesting now. Tsk!

First of the day pouch emptying session
Bits in the urine and bubbles. Erm?

End car park later on.

A late afternoon balcony shot.

Early evening skies.

A beauty to these, I thought.

Hello, back to the Porcelain Throns.
Trotsky was well in command.

Did as described earlier. It helped me settle down on the electricity billing. Not only that, she worked out how I could get the publications linked to Linkedin! I was completely lost on how to do it! Bless her! I’ll miss her when she’s on holiday, by the way I will.

I missed this one, so I loaded it out of sync. Of course, that is nothing remarkable to me, as you know.
My favourite Puffer Clouds soon disappeared as the low outer clouds fell. Or had I loaded one from another day? I am not sure why I put this in. However, I also found this one below.

So, I assume the sunshine sneaking through indicates they were taken together. I’m waffling on here! As the sun passed, these may have been taken early in the morning. Or not. I’m struggling with things today, although I’m doing better with blogging. I thought! Until I spotted the new Grammarly telling me, it had 27 Review suggestions for me. I’d better get them done then. Huh! That took me ages to get sorted.

♥ Nurse Hristina Arrived ♥
Coming from the Deep Vein Thrombosis, Wafarin, INR level, and Anticoagulation blood-taking clinic session. Such a lovely lady. Always a pleasure when she calls.

The intercom rang, and it was an Asda delivery, I thought I’d ordered this for next week? Never mind; the J Sainsbury one must be coming next week.
I asked the driver to put the light things into a box so that I could carry them to the kitchen, which he kindly did. I then moved them from the doorway to the kitchen.
By the time I lugged the bags and box into the kitchen, I was ringing with sweat and breathing heavily. As I just got them into the kitchen, Carer Israel arrived, full of beans and feeling perky. He sorted the medications out for me and took some nibbles as a treat. I gave him a can of grapefruit drink from the fridge, which would cool him down a smidge later. Hehe! Then I got back to sorting the delivery out. Getting the things in the fridge and freezer called for some jiggling about a bit. The fridge loading was easier than the fridge was. In fact, there was still some room in it when I’d finished. Plenty of drinkies in there for the carers to have in this warm weather.
On the other hand, some fodder had to be removed and dished out of the freezer to make room for the newly delivered items. It’s chocker-full now! Damned good job that I ordered J Sainsbury’s order for next week and not this. Else I’d had another load of food to store away! Hehe!

I pressed on with the blogging.

Found this mystery photo on the SD card on Thursday morning.
Looks like an accidental snap to me. Why, when, I’ve no idea! Where? Balcony curtains?
More blotches than ever in this first evening cloud shot. I got the last of the lens cleaner out and tried to clear it again, but it doesn’t seem to work.
The blotches are still there in the second photo I took. I’ll have to see if there is any other cleaner I can buy and try. I’m not too hopeful.
I made a meal – a simple bowl for a simple man. Hehe! But it tasted fantastic. I still can’t believe these no-meat vegan sausages taste so good, but they certainly do.
I cooked the sausages in the oven at 190° for 25 minutes. I added them to the can of tomatoes in the saucepan but forgot to add some salt. Yet the feast tasted so nice. I used Milk Roll bread to put each sausage in and dip it in the tomatoes. Bootifully Satisfying!

I fell asleep watching the Heartbeat episode on Virgin Media, which conned me into buying a new, expensive TV package.
Night Carer Israel came and woke me up. (What’s happening? Have I died? What day and time is it? Hehehe!) and took my diabetic socks off. Israel attached the nocturnal catheter bag to the day bag, treated to nibbles and a drinkie, and off he went. Looking forward to his own bed. Thank you.

Minutes later, I needed to use the. Twice in one day!
And what a controlled evacuation it was! I started quickly and kept flowing and splattering for ages! A lot of cleaning up was required. Which, I’m sure you’ll appreciate, was a little painful and messy, with me carrying the attached to the day bag nocturnal night bag by the tube and trying not to get it tangled up with , or the tube trapped against anything. After finishing the cleaning, I decided to check everywhere for safety, taps (faucets) in the kitchen, fridge & freezer doors, and the stove being left on. Seeing the view, I fetched and took photos of the evening view.
The fanged blotches were still showing on the snaps. Humph!
So much for cleaning the lens again. A fat lot of good that did for me! Tsk!

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Naturally, a man of my intelligence, know-how, keen, alert, spot-on eyesight, educated, mathematician-like operational brain and investigative skills…
I got three of them in ten minutes.

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Although Putin is threatening,
The West doesn’t seem to be fussing,
The danger they’re not appreciating,
What’s this attitude accomplishing?
Is their ploy not to do anything?
Is NATO not amalgamating?
With WW3 approaching,
Will NATO end up acquiescing?
I find the whole situation depressing,
The last thing I see might be Earth’s atomising?
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To Infinity and Beyond, Hehe!

Inchy is visited by Alto-Inchie and Thanatos

Alto-Inchie: Ayup Inchy, I’ve come to cheer you up!

Inchy: Christ, that made me jump, you plonker, fancy materialising when I’m on the bog!

Alto: I’m surprised missen, when I call on yer, yer usually always on yer blog! Hehehe!

Inchy: ‘Ow, come you’re talking in my Nottingham Meadows accent then?

Alto: Well, I’m gonna miss yer when you clock out, kick the bucket, snuff it…

Inchy: Just hang on a second here… do you know summat I don’t about my departure from this miserable mortal coil?

Alto: Well, yer… I was talking wiv Thanatos, formerly known as Azrael, and better known to humans as the Grim Reaper. The personification, embodiment, and spirit of Death yesterday…

Inchy: He’s real, then? What does he do?

Alto: He collects humans to carry them off to the underworld when the time allotted to them by the Fates has expired, and recaptures souls escaping from the underworld…

Inchy: Owd-it, let me clarify this: you are an Alto-Ego that goes around getting into humans’ minds just to annoy them. Is that right?

Alto: Spot on dog-breath! You might have made a rotten stinking mess of your earth life, dumbo, but I reckon you’ll make it in the underworld; the surreal is more palpable to you than reality is… I don’t blame you, really…

Inchy: You don’t blame me, really. For what?

Alto: You’ve gone through a lot; yer one only a handful of humans that have ever recognised an Alto-Ego when we visit, and you know that it actually you, you’re talking to!

Inchy: Well, that comes naturally, dunnit?

Alto: Not to anyone who’s sane; it doesn’t…

Inchy: Meaning, insinuating?

Alto: Let’s look at the help you’ve had over the years, shall we?

Inchy: Help? Me? Erm… all right then… worra yer mean like?

Alto: You had a rough childhood; no question about that is there…

Inchy: Suppose so, but it didn’t depress me, just took it as a normal life…

Alto: Exactly, Inchy! Despite the struggle to reach your teenage years and become a temporary alcoholic, you pressed on, gave up the drink, until your brain got infected…

Inchy: Infected?

Alto: Yer; starting with Dementia Doreen, I know you give each ailment a name, see. Then you got the Peripheral Neuropathy; I’ll not mention your being made redundant at 60. Then, you worked in Security, the only job you could find, and got yourself shot twice.

Inchy: Oh, kind of yer not to!

Alto: Next, you had the stroke, then confirmed with Cogniscent Impairment Iris & Dementia Doreen.

Inchy: Sound bad, dunnit?

Alto: It was and still is, mate! Yer now in yer Coffin-Expectancy-Years but won’t get one because you’ve prepaid for yer cremation funeral already. Not to forget your mechanical Aorta Valve heart operation of course. And going deaf.

Inchy: A long list innit Alto?

Alto: I’ve not finished yet, Inchy…

Inchy: Oh!

Alto: All the ailments mentioned have brought on Constipation Conrad, Arthur Itis, Cartilage Collapsing Chloe and Carole, Duodenal Donald, Lymphorrhoeas Leslie, Anne Gyna, Back Pain Brenda, Shuddering Shoulder Shirley, Reflux Roger, Bladder Belinda, and Prostate Paul. Cathies Catheter Contraption,

Inchy: Have yer done?

Alto: No! Left Hip Pain Hilda, Leg Papules leaking Fluid, Leaking Leg Papules Leonard, Colin Cramps, Diabetes2, Acne and Eczema, Ankles PN electric shocks, Harold’s Haemorrhoids bleeding, and giving you monolithic-moods of massive depressions! And your latest one, Non-Epileptic Seizure Disorder… he needs to be given a name yet, you know! What about Seizure Disorder Sid?

Inchy: Oh, you noticed? Yes, Sid is fine with me…

Alto: Had I been a human, I’d have paid to send you to Switzerland or Dignitas for active euthanasia years ago. Don’t use the Samaritans; they’ll only try to talk you out of it…

Inchy: It’s weird, I know, but you seem to be in a caring, compassionate mood.

Alto: After my chat with Thanatos, the Grim Reaper, I got the feeling that he will be with you soon, and he will. He is excited and looking forward to collecting your Soul…

Inchy: Marvellous! But why? He must be so busy with the Middle East battles, diseases, and Ukraine and Putin’s Russian deaths; why would he bother about my demise?

Alto: As I said, he is interested in seeing how you go on in the underworld…

Inchy: Underworld? Is that hell?

Alto: Well, yeah! But an ethereal one, not like the Bible supposedly tells us.

Inchy: I don’t follow that…

Alto: I can’t tell you much about it, as Alto Rule 403320/b/death/keep.schtum prevents us from passing on any details you see. They don’t want any souls escaping and making hard work for the already overworked Grim Reaper.

Inchy: Why?

Alto: Wiv all the wars going on again, the poor chap is up to the neck in ‘Soul-Collecting’…

Inchy: Well, he can miss me if he likes, it that helps!

Alto: Yer missing the point, mate. Yer Oligarchs, Politicians, Parole Board Members, Warlords, and the like, will not go to the underworld; it’s just pure hellfire for them.

Inchy: I like the sound of that!

Alto: I shouldn’t tell yers really, but, as I’ve grown to like yer…

Inchy: Yes, yes, yes…

Alto: The world ends shortly, as I mentioned to yer last month, but a new planet has been forming in the outer universe interplanetary space… Well, it’s being done by the unknown to anyone apart from the universe’s Altos and Thanatos workers. It should be a complete regenesis by August this year, which, as long as you are in the underworld by then, you will be able to start life again on a breathable planet. I am most intrigued to see how you get on with it… And Thanatos needed a good laugh!

Inchy: You’re pulling my plonker, ain’t you?

Alto: Yea… Hahaha!

Inchy’s Odes: An mix of old, new, bad, indifferent

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Insanity is coming along much quicker,
Bus rides are getting bumpier…
Medications getting costlier,
They now charge for a courier,
It all helps to make me crankier,
Depressed, sour and crabbier,
The internet is ever crappier,
My midriff is a lot chunkier!
My mental resistance is crumblier,
All women I see are curvier…
Can’t expect life to get any cushier,
WC evacuations are mushier…
I’ll never again be a wee-weer!
Oddly, I’m feeling gloomier,
Yet life is actually funnier!
Remembering things are now foggier,
I forget my papules are itchier,
My piles & fungal lesions are bloodier…
But, now I’m not such a worrier!
Forgetting that I’m going loonier!
Not bothered about getting scruffier,
On my feet, I’m getting unsteadier,
I may well be a crap Odester,
I’ve got tins of Golonkowa….
And some self-raising flour,
The doctor said I’ve got gastrectasia!
And my mind developed ecdemomania,
Forgot what they are now, but I’ll endure…
With eyesight & hearing so poor,
But I’m not bothered, that’s for sure…
Did I tell you of my knee fracture?
Or the catheter bag puncture?
2 mugs of tea a day, said my doctor!
I had three of Glengettie, lovely flavour!
A lousy life, death I will savour!
Probably bleed to death, using the razor?
I’m cheerfuller now, well, not so dour…
No time for sulking, or sorrow…
Someone’s calling to unblock the sewer,
My moments of gloom, get fewer!
I’ve never been an achiever…
Been a giver, not a receiver…
In some things, I’m a believer,
Well, I was, but what, I can’t remember…
I don’t regret my life being a schlocker…
I’ll just continue to panic & dither,
I know no other way, either!

TTFNski, Each! ♥

Inchie: Sunday 9th July 2023 – Libert-Global Failures Again!

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Most paragraphs are from scribbled notes. The latter parts I can actually remember. The odd chronological guesswork included.

REPEATEDLY GOING OFFLINE!
– Going done so often caused me many problems and ultra-frustration. I have used more swear, curses, and words of hatred today than ever.
That is saying something I can tell yers! (Spit, spit, spit!)

According to the scribble on the notepad, I was woken up at 06:45hrs by the Carer calling. Eye drops were in, the overspill was wiped off, and medications were given. Per instructions, the eye drops were inserted five minutes later, and the overspill was wiped off. The regulation 3 minutes of holding the index finger in the nose side started as the Carer departed. I guessed at the timing.
I took off the night bag. Got it emptied and safe-wrapped for disposal.

None of the were leaking this morning. But it looked like the right leg infection was creeping up the chin area.

I sorted out the waste bags and then went into the kitchen again to check on the food situation and if anything needed ordering today for next week. (Forgetting at that time, I’d already done an order from Asda) Took a photographicalisation of the morning’s view...
And a close-up nosey at the house being done up.

Made a mug of Glengettie tea to dunk the morning’s breakfast of four Maryland cookies into it.
Started the notes of the day.
Then got the computer on…
Within five minutes, the above.
So, I visited the … And boy, I was forced to by the oligarchs of .
Because I avoided a right .
As I opened the wet room door, I felt the flow from the rear end coming of its own accord! It was also lucky that I only had the thin dressing gown on; I yanked it off, downed the pants in a rush, and plopped my elephantine body down on the seat. The flow began before I’d made contact with the plastic raised seat!
Splish, splash, slosh & all done! What a stink!
Had a mess to clean up. Then got the gown back on. Tried the computer, and the internet was back on. I got the photo transfer session done with crossed fingers.

Doing so, I realised that the tea had gone cold, and I hadn’t had my breakfast of four cookies yet. Tsk!
So, made another brew, Thompson Punjana, this time.

Started to get the blog updating tackled…
Fancy that!
This time it lasted for half an hour offline.
But returned…
Only for about 5 minutes offline this time.
I actually got some CorelDraw work started.
SHIT!

While waiting for the internet to return…
I started to write down the order for the food I didn’t need, but at that time I didn’t realise I didn’t need it, cause I’d forgotten about ordering the Asda order that I’d done a day or so ago for the next week… I think!

The OLIGARCHS
The monetary-gain pecuniary, merchants, sham, bogus, false interest in offering a workable internet, money-mongers, without a care in the world about any of their internet customers; Continue at their usual rate of failure.
Mind you, had I been getting a $26 million a year salary with guaranteed bonuses and an open expense account – fair enough, I would not need to give a shit about myself either…
I may have got a smidgen carried away there?
My hatred for the man & company is tempered only by the fact that Fries is so damned good-looking! Hehehe!

I felt the right leg stinging in its usual waves, seemingly coming from within the leg.
Took this snap of the agony-giving legs. Rather colourful now?

The owners of returned once more, ten minutes or so later.
I pressed on with the updating, and actually got the blog finalised! Final checks and began to post it off...
SHIT!

During this , I lost a lot of work done and foolishly not saves on CorelDraw.
Grrr!

Oligarchical, capricious, undependable.

During a Carers call, the internet returned!
For three minutes, then…

The day had flashed by already, and little was done.
When, a few minutes later, the internet came back,
I posted the Saturday blog off! But…
About 15 minutes later, yet again…

So, I stretched my legs and went to get another bottle of soda water. Boy, the skies were magnificent!
A Pareidolia’s Delight!
I spotted a giant creature apparently coming into this snap from the right-hand side, with a head, nose, mouth, and fins. Can anyone else see it, or is it just me?
Far left; the jaws of a creature. Another creature’s head and also the shape of an airliner cabin? The cloud formations were beautiful as the darkness began to arrive.

Back again… for one minute!
As Victor Meldrew would say…

More Pareidolia’s Delights!
A long mouse lower centre?
Fantastic! A Michelin Man – Bigfoot in the clouds, with a Dolphin jumping out of the clouds to the right! See it?
The left creature swimming in the clouds?

ENOUGH!
Fries and his money-number-fact-crunching Mafia Mob have beaten me! Computer off, and messages sent out through the ether to any and everyone; spewing my hatred for the Oligarchical Smoke & Mirrors money men!
A smidgeon of jealousy included.

I went to check on the meal cooking…

The pan with the vegetable soup with Borchst added was now a blob of nothingness! I threw away the pan contents, triple-wrapped them into the bin, and washed the saucepan. But, It’s led a charmed life, this saucepan has. The number of times I’ve burnt food in it) Hehehe! Tsk!
I got another can of thick-cut vegetable soup in the saucepan and added a smidgeon of Borchst to it. Got half of the tear & share bread, and put it in the oven with the potato cubes, hoping both will be cooked simultaneously. Then I got sidetracked, as per usual. I and my against the server trolley wheel and leg.
The soup was okay when I’d recovered and ointmentated the now stinging lesion, but the tear & share bread was a little overcooked. The potatoes too, but I like them that way.
A great nosh despite all the hassle.
Taste Rating: 8.2/10.
It went down a treat, as I ate it while watching an episode of ‘Heartbeat’; as per usual, I nodded off and missed the last few minutes of the programme. I hate it when I do that… but it happens so often nowadays, Humph! I tended to getting the pots and pans washed up! At this point, I can inform you all that the steak knife has lost none of its sharpness.

Late Carer arrived, Richard. He was not feeling very well, methinks. He got the night pouch on and carried out the medicationing and two eye drops, as required. Said my farewells and thanked the lad. After that, I repeatedly sat down to watch the goggle box, waking up and taking a photo of the night.

Here they are:

Bootiful! I could see a stretched face in there?

A close-up, taken by accident. Well, she is
to blame, really. Haha!
A wide shot…
A close-up of the orange rift; Is that the word?

TTFNski, Each.

What are your daily habits? – My Daily Habits are…

Stir back into imitation life. Remove the night catheter bag from the day one.

Check on the state of the bloated legs. They tend to change daily; one day, the left is gigantic, and the next, it can often be the left one that hogs all the stored fluid.

Work out what time and day it is. (This information is usually gone off into the ether within minutes.

To the wet room for the medicationalisationing: Check the fungal lesion, and check for bleeding – Put olive oil in the earholes – eye drops in the cataracted right eye, eyedrops in the same eye, then some in left eye. Next, check that needs any ointment to be applied. Then check on the ever-changing Warfarin dosages.

Remove the ankle ulcer pad, and clean up any seepages; if so, put a new pad on.

Then to tackle the painful task of using the .

Then the high-risk, due to the s habit of bringing on an involuntary . Which has had me over on many occasions. Shaving the next job. Which I’m afraid that often causes the odd nick or two.

Decoking the hearing aids and checking the batteries have to be done. It’s easier when I remember to put the olive oil in beforehand… which is not very often.

Check with , to make sure that in the event of my remembering, I’ve got another hospital or clinic appointment; and have booked a lift there and back.

Consult the medical log to make sure I’m got them right. I should do this first, but always seem to forget all about it until after. This fault is helped along by

Go around not forgetting either or checking the boll-weevil traps, in case any need emptying and replacing. I’ve got an interesting intriguing infestation.

By now, it’s generally time for my late breakfast. Occasionally, I have the one mug of Glengettie tea allowed me per day, by the kind doctors at the , and some biscuits with them. Not with the doctors, the mug of tea.

The carer makes their third call of the day… which I greatly appreciate, although the dwindling bank account and manager do not agree with me.

Notwithstanding any trips, falls or tumbles, that’s me up until around noon, daily.

By then I’m on the wain and am unsure what happens then.

Loosely, this is true, but, I’m beginning to resign myself to it now. Hehehe!

Anyone wishing to adopt a 77-year-old mind-wandering chap, I’m here as long as you are a female! Hahaha!

Owt for laugh, even the truth!

TTFNski!

INCHIE: Wednesday 28th June 2023

I love this one; just look at the dates. Hehe!

I burst into life with a jolt, inane muttering coming from my mouth; I must have been in the middle of a dream? I detached the night bag from .
Decent-coloured urine this morning.
The need to use the arose, and so did I from the c1966. charity shop bought, second-hand, wincingly grotty, beige coloured, not working, crumb-covered from the nocturnal nibblings, itch-making, uncomfortable, virus breeding, easy-to-fall-out-of, recliner, caught my balance, grabbed , and off to the wet room. The evacuation session was completely different this time. in complete charge. Messy!

A stand-up job. Bleeding aplenty from various departments during the washing-up, of my magnificent, muscular, firm, women-attracting body. Where from? I’ll tell yers: Teeth and gums, nose, chin, neck, head and of course the regulars, , and poor old . Oh, naturally from the inserted tube.
The took me half as long again as the flipping wash & brush-up did.
Ten minutes on the computer, and…
And, these oligarchs, heroic internet blockers who claim this: “Liberty Global is a world leader in converged broadband, video and mobile communications and an active investor in cutting-edge infrastructure, content and technology ventures” – Financially they may be, but the service is crap!

Within five hours it had been down nine times! (And more followed!) By the end of the day, the smoke & mirrors money fanatics had failed me no less than 22 times! I really must say, My hatred for them grows!

I tried for ages to get a hold of neighbour Josie, to give her some coffees and a pink G&T. I sensed she was in, but it took me six tries… which was something to do each time that $26 million salaried boss Herr Fries led and owned companies internet failed, again and again!

Domestic Denise called. Shocked at the state of my leg. I think she mentioned it to Carer Kara, who called in quickly to check on my leg wound. Creamed it for me. I’m worried about going in the taxi tomorrow to the Bank meeting, it is painful, and my wearing trousers are bound to hurt more. Poor thing, Hehe!

Laundry returned.

Something else to do while the Liberty-Global internet is down.
I made a brew and had two cookies… oh, three!

While a carer was here, ILC (Independent Living Coordinator) Generaloberstess, Ice skating champion, florist and Warden Julie came in. I’m not certain what took place but think it was about ordering a lift with for 21 July for the EENT Hospital. Kara spoke but, I didn’t catch it all; bad timing with my old ear wax crackling again.

Back on the computer…

Ad an early meal, just a small one.
Sarnies, tomatoes and beetroot. Nice!

Not sure why or when I took this one.
From the computer desk through the balcony.

Carer Chris did the last two calls. Asked him not to put the night bag on, I’ll do it, cause going into the kitchen to make a meal with tube and bag to carry along with a walking stick, is too risky in my state. Mind you, there is always the chance of , , or maybe even a kicking off when I bend, so there is no winning either way. Hehe!

Well, fancy that, I’ve not had two meals in a day for a year or so. I good sign, mayhap; or not?

Then, washed the pots and…
took a shot of the end car park as it was beginning to darken a little. We can’t have had much rain lately; the mudslide from Woodthorpe Grange Park was noticeable by its absence!

Waking up to the flashing light from the TV screen, which did the cataract no good.
I went to check the kitchen and wet room for anything left on or off that shouldn’t be.
The amazing blue hue of the night.

Good Night!

Inchie Saturday 6th May 2023

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06:15hrs: I leapt from the £300, second-hand shop bought nine years ago, c1966, discomfiting, alarmingly beige-coloured, crumb-containing, TV remote hiding, not working recliner. Threw off the catheter night bag and did 100-press-ups. Then 300 toe touches while I yodelled loudly.
A bit of shadowboxing and some torso turning. A couple of minutes of weightlifting… Then woke up for real
and prevented me from moving for a while. I grabbed the Pain Gel tube, and somehow managed to get up on my feet without tripping over the tubing, and lathered on where I could reach o the back, then took an extra Codeine Phosphate painkiller. It didn’t do much good.
Removed the night pouch, and I sat down again.
Boy was EQ right with his warning of ‘Pain to Come’ last afternoon.
The agony was too weak a word to describe it.

Struggled to get the thick slippers on.

Emptied the night bag, wrapped it and binned it in the appropriate bag.

Made a brew and waste bags up to the door.
Did the BP test while waiting for the kettle.
Then got the computer on.
After five minutes…

More followed! Tsk!

While the Internet was down, I tried to read the letter from Nuthall Hospital. But it was hard work with the spyglass. I asked a Carer to assist to make sure I got the time & date right. Put it on the calendar.

The Internet was back on again. Got on with updating yesterday’s not even started yet, blog. But…

While waiting for the Liberty-Global owned, Virgin Media to start again, I realised that it must be the demand on the system my Royalists wanted to see the Coronation? Or would that be right? Would it affect things?
I titivated the Carers stable a bit – and sod-it, – & were joined by all increased their agonies inflicted on me. I know full well that I should not take Ipobrufen, but the Paracetamols are not doing anything to ease the pain at all, so I took one.

I must call and ask the Doctor if anything else is available. The sheer consistency of the three of them is grinding me down today. They are detritioning my resistance. I bet that EQ is reading this smugly after yesterday’s warning from him?

The Landline Flashed!
It was someone from DHL.
He informed me that they had been given the wrong area code, which is why the parcel was not delivered yesterday. I confirmed it with him. It will be arriving later today. After ringing off, I wondered how the food had been stored, cause there are some fresh foods ordered? Later a driver called me, couldn’t understand much of what he was saying, but gathered he needed instructions to the flats, Did my best.

Carer Rhamat, or was it? I think that was her name. To think, a year ago, I was almost proud of my memory of names. Not anymore!
While she was here, the DHL man arrived. Rahmat took the box from him and put it in the hallway for me. I said my farewells and forgot all about the box… the box I nearly tripped over and still didn’t empty it!

A vastness of a Memory-Blank came over me. A few hours later, I remembered the box in the hallway!
Set about sorting it out.
Got it opened and the things sorted…
This should see me through without an order next week.
Goulash etc., fit for a king!
But not Charles 3rd, me! Hehehe!.
There had been ice packs in the box. But with them coming a day late, they were now just bags of water. Got some meat for Sister Jane as a treat.

Back onto blogging…
ARRGH!

Carer Jo-Anne arrived, and I showed her whatever material it was that was in the box. We laughed as I said I could use it as a head scarf, and wrapped it around my head. She did laugh raucously (is that the right word?), and she took some photos of me. Hahaha!
This one she took with my camera.
We couldn’t work out what cloth it was. Used presumably to protect the food? The thing self-destructed, disintegrated later, and just fell apart – making a right mess of my dressing gown & carpet?

I shall have a bit of the vegetable bread loaf and potatoes for tonight’s meal, methinks.

Another Memory Blank, and the girl-ailments, after easing off a little, were back on full-throttle pain-wise.

I took this off of the TV earlier. I managed to watch about ten minutes of the performance. But found it a little sad in a way.
Diane, No-Sweat-Prince with a bad memory. The wonderful way in which Her Majesty visited the tenants of the Grenfell Tower Disaster!

Carer Chloe came (I’m pretty sure that name is right – but…).
I told her I’d taken a painkiller extra, so none for me tonight.
I do believe that the ailments are easing again? Or am I?

Fodder Making Time!

Just swede & carrot, with sea salt and a splash of vinegar.
Potatoes, vegetable loaf and the swede & carrots.
Two out-of-date cheap bread rolls.
And a pot of dessert.
All eaten up – and followed by…
Vegan ice-cream.
Overall Taste Rating: 7.8/10.

I put the computer back on, when I found some photos from this morning, that I swear were not on the SD card then, but they are now?
Such are the mysteries of Woodthorpe Court, with the ghosts, wraiths, spectres, cacodaemons, apparitions, and other grotesqueries that haunt the hallways and lobbies, searching for Inchie to curse with bad luck, create ambiguities, abstrucities, perplexities, misfortunes and botherations, to scare. worry and confuse me! Cataract Kathie, Neuropathy Pete and Doreen Dementia are the main culprits. There are others, of course!

The Missing Photos…
Just after midday, I think!
Front car park.
Pareidoliaist-time here. Can you see anything?

I took a final photo from the kitchenette window.

Nightie-Night All!

INCHIE: Monday 3rd April 2023

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Fan-Bloody-Tastic!
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My window-frame head-butting session from yesterday
that I thought might affect my brain…
Hahaha! The things I come out with!
Affect my brain? A little late to do any serious harm to it.
The brain has had milling
about inside for a year or so now. As it turned out, no
damage was detected. In fact, I was a little disappointed
with the bruise quality, as it’s almost gone this morning!

Still, it didn’t affect my distinguished looks. Hehehe!

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A decent kip compared to the last few week’s efforts. Unbothered by
, or by the double-glazed head-butting wound on my forehead. However… conversely, , then combined to ruin the nocturnal sleeping session on their own.
They both eased off at the same time, around 06:00hrs.
At about 07:30hrs, arrived. I was so pleased to see him at last. But I was so tired I could not communicate properly. He told me to ring Matron about the leaking papules. Can’t recall much more; I think I kept nodding off while he was talking. Not being rude; just worn out through lack of sleep. I think he said as he left he’ll see me next Monday? A look at the roster later backed this up. Shame, only once a week.

I ran Matron. Later a Nurse came; she was a little miffed with me ringing in. I explained although was trying Otto stop me from talking, doing a reasonable job too: That the Carer, who was just out of the hospital with a similar problem, advised me to. I didn’t impress her!
If looks could have killed through the ether, I’d not be writing this now!
Even though not my fault – I humbly apologised as she swooshed out of the door, but missed whatever it was she said back to me. (Probably a good thing?) Don’t think that she scared me… but she did! Hahaha!

The wee-weeing started slowly, then suddenly got a move on. Once again, an excellent colour – but a horrible pong when I emptied the bag!

After the third visit to the , each one was messy.

.
I belatedly made the first brew of the day.
The dark clouds seemed to be moving quickly.
Ether that or and/or
, was assisting
to make my eyesight even worse than yesterday.
Mid-afternoon, I had to stop using the computer as
my vision worsened, and I got tired again. This happens
if you don’t get much sleep; I’ve noticed this!

Minutes after taking this shot, the sun came through the clouds.

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The skies quickly turned blue. But the sun was not shining on the car park below; it was shaded by the trees. I’ll try again later is I remember to…
There I go again! Dreaming!.

I’ll have to pack up soon; the eyes are making things to complicated for me on WordPress. I’ll try to get some suitable Cartoons sorted out in a bit.

I did take this shot up high in the sky…
A few lonely little clouds…
But still highly pareidoliable!
Be nice to know if either of the blog
readers can see in the above what I can?
Natural, I may be at an advantage with eye problems.

According to what I’ve looked up
on the web, is the culprit that
makes things appear to be moving when they are not.
A beastie with jaws, I see?

Going to get an early meal, but a ready-made one. Lamb Moussaka! Make some gravy, and bake some cut-up spuds in the oven. A sourdough roll or two to dunk in the fodder… best-laid plans, and all that… I’m off…

Tuesday morning late (At last, I got some sleep) was Far too much, although I must have needed it, I suppose.

CATCH-UP: The supper went as planned…

Flavour Rating: 802/10!

I washed the pots and got my head down really early.

Carer Jodie arrived, waking me up, and medicated me, checked the.
wristlet alarm, taps and cooker, and we had a little natter.
Despite the uncomfortableness of the c1966, £300 pound,
second-hand charity-shop bought, crumb-containing,
odour-retaining, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, nauseatingly
beige-coloured, non-working, virus-breeding recliner, within
seconds of bidding her farewell, I was back in the land of nod!..

Carer Jodie woke me again. But I still like her! Checked if I
needed painkillers or Peptac, and mentioned that the.
Warfarin tablets are getting low. She reminded me to lock the
door. How I managed to do it, I don’t know; I was deep
in sleep mode. And on and off, must have slept for about
13 hours or so. At last, but wish it could have been
asleep all the way through without any interruptions.
But it was needed!

Oh, there was one other break in my sleep I’d forgotten about. I jouncingly, joltingly, and jarringly woke up, positive that someone had come into the flat. Not sure if it was a noise or part of a dream I’d been having, but I was certain someone was in the hallway…
Dang dang dang, DANG!
I grabbed Metal-Micky, not to use as a weapon, of course, just a hobbling aid; although if the yobbos were back inside the flat again, it may come in handy for that.
By the time I’d struggled to free my excessively large, flabby, hanging and drooping stomached body from the c1966, £300 pound, second-hand charity-shop-bought, crumb-containing, odour-retaining, Harold’s Haemorrhoid-testing, nauseatingly beige coloured, non-working, uncomfortable recliner… if there had been anyone coming in, they would have been about ten-minutes older by the time I got to the hallway.
There were no signs of any intruders, of course. I checked that the door was still locked, had a peep out through the spyhole, and it was all clear.
I got back in the £300, second-hand shop bought nine years ago, c1966, discomfiting, alarmingly beige-coloured, crumb-containing, TV remote hiding, not working recliner.
I seem to remember saying to myself, “After all that kip, will I be able to get back to… Zzz!

TTFN

Inchie Today – Thursday 12th January 2023

Deaf with Dementia?
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Jolly Good Morning. Although it didn’t last long… about an hour)
I felt the freedom of having the catheter was just a memory. And began to potter about the moment I woke up[ belatedly at 07:00hrs.
I merrily poddled to the Porcelain Throne and enjoyed the pleasure and simplicity of getting my pants down without all the rigmarole of struggling to get by the tubing, ties, straps and pouches attached to my right leg.
But the joy was soon dented. For the smelly was in full command of the evacuation again.
Worra, gooey mess! Cleaning up took me ages!

Took some photos of the high-in-the-sky moon.

Then tried for a close-up.

Went to get a drink of water from the bottle in the front room.
Took this snap of the lovely family thought up, made and sent to me by HRH Lisa-Petal, in Cincinnati!
Thanks, Lisa, my precious one! ♥

Into the kitchen!

The window shelf had all the things moved to the left by my mate to make room for him to get around to setting up my new air fryer and showing me how it works. I’ve waited eight weeks, so, no rush. Hehehe!

I got the computer on, and ! Just when the Money-Manipulator Fries had managed to keep the LIBERTY-GLOBAL Virgin Media Internet to work without it conking out… for two whole days (Well done, Fries by the way), this happened yet again!

After another elongated visit to the Throne – swiftly followed by visit number three (All messy!) Money Manipulating Genius Fries’ LIBERTY-GLOBAL Virgin Media Internet came back on. Were you wondering why I wrote LIBERTY-GLOBAL in capitals? Well, that is because he has told all the UK call-centre staff never to mention LIBERTY-GLOBAL to any customers, in fact not to say the name at all. Now, this may be because he realises he does not know how to run an Internet-providing service?
LIBERTY-GLOBAL Bought Virgin Media LIBERTY-GLOBAL Bought Virgin Media!
But why? When Fries obviously has plans to destroy the company, with his insistence on not providing a workable service, overcharging, and telling porkie-pies on his ridiculous fancy adverts full of hogwash?
LIBERTY-GLOBAL Bought Virgin Media LIBERTY-GLOBAL Bought Virgin Media!
It could be I’m jealous of his phenomenal salary, guaranteed bonuses, and limitless expense account.
But I’d love to find out what his ulterior motive is for spending billion on purchasing Virgin Media and letting it rot? Plainly, just read TrustPilot reviews. 80% of complainers still think and blame Richard Branson fr the miserable service. Saying he is making money for his space trip etc. (Last year).Which, of course, Fries does nothing to counter.
It must have something to do fiscally-wise, this mystery activity with its smoke & mirrors managed antics from Fries. Possibly trying to give the impression (It’s mostly about impressions at Liberty-Global), compared to reality, I think.
A way of increasing Liberty-Global’s share in the Stock Markets in some way?
He’s a handsome, cunning, devious, scheming character, full of mystery and seld-preservation at the top end, financially.
I’m beginning to like him; the longer he gets away with conning his bosses at Liberty-Global, you know.
LIBERTY-GLOBAL Bought Virgin Media LIBERTY-GLOBAL Bought Virgin Media!
So I thought I’d mention that Liberty-Global does own Virgin Media a few times.

Did I get carried away there? Hehehe!.

Kept guzzling water in hopes that the catheter would not be put back on.

Email from Morrison offering £15 off a £60 order yesterday. I thought I’d ordered it for next Thursday… it’s coming today.

Asda and then a Morrison order the next day.
I think I may have done this the other week?

Boxed them for me.

Cupboard bag

Fresh stuff

Full fridge, do you think?.

Tried to ring for me to find out about the account, but she was unable to get through to them.

TWO PRETTY YOUNG NURSES ARRIVED
To give a bladder scan to assess the problem

I fear it was a bit farcical. I got a smidge confused with two people talking, then arrived, and now I was in utter confusion. Tsk!
The nurses did a bladder scan, and the look on their faces told me that the catheter was going to have to be put back on.
They gave me every chance. Sent me to the WC with a pot and told me to wee-wee in it. Then did another bladder scan…
But it was not good; they told me how much urine was left in the bladder after I’d passed the urine, and it was dangerously half-full.
Then the painful but amusing fitting of the equipment began.
They could not believe I didn’t have a bed or settee to lay on while they fitted the tubing into the Little Inchie. This caused some consternation, and one of them phoned the Urology doctor for advice.
But they were pleasant enough throughout, and I had them laughing away at times. I got in the recliner, and they said tilt it back, please. When I told them it did not work, all three of the ladies looked amazed, but they tried to get it going… but it wouldn’t have it.
Then the inserting of the tube into Little Inchie was about to begin: I cracked mayhap my best joke of the visit…
Nurse: “Drop your pants down, please..”
Inchie: “Have you been trained in micro-surgery then?”
Nurse: “It’s not micro-surgery, Gerry…”
Inchie: “Yes, it is; you’ve not seen what you’re putting the tube into yet!”
Laughter rang around the room!

They had problems getting the thick tube into the miniature Little Inchie. But it went in, on the third try, using lots of the gel stuff.
Of course, I smiled pleasantly as the tube started its travels. Being the sturdy, strong young man that I am, I gritted my teeth like a man!
I laughed as the tube went in and through Little Inchy, the urethra, the prostrate and then into the urine-filled bladder. I was nattering away to help them keep calm! They looked rather nervous and kept asking me if I was alright and if it was hurting? Bless ’em.
The young Nurse got the catheter on but struggled and missed off many of the loopholes with the top and bottom holding straps. Thus, I now have a bend in the longer tubing; that requires concentration when sitting down. Argh!
The bag was different to the others I’ve had; it was much smaller?
I must remember to check it more often!

Check the Pouch – Check the Pouch – Check the Pouch – Check the Pouch!
I bet I forget and get caught out! What are the odds?

Went to make a brew of Glengettie tea.

I found I’d left the hot tap running again!

Well, time to get some nosh done. Bacon lardons and tomatoes with some bread and a dessert, methinks?

I burnt the pan of tomatoes, cleaned it up and put another can in the pan.
Enjoyed it. Flavour Rating 8/10.

INCHIE HAS A MOAN

Arrived, a know-all, snottily superior attituded lad. Self-Self, Self. He asks, “What have you got to tell me, then?” Goes on his mobile and doesn’t listen. And didn’t take the bags with him to the chute on any of his three visits today. He took a drink on each visit as he left without any being offered to him. (He could have asked, and I’d have said yes anyway) I could see him taking them in the reflection from the computer screen. I don’t want him coming again.

He’s down for a visit tomorrow, likely a few on Sat & Sunday.
I’m uncomfortable with him, nervous. Dare I ask Meridian for him not to call again after this weekend? I hate conflict. But… getting a pushy egotistic, ostentatious Carer is not what I envisaged when paying for them.

The sleep was again full of waking ups and drifting back off into never-never land so often all night long. With all the other medical worries, Carer Ty’s pushiness, the Catheter and bladder, vision, and my hearing problems, this lack of sleep was the last thing I needed.
It’s bad enough getting through all these medical appointments.
Dementia Doreen, Peripheral Neuropathy Pete, and the Mystery Moving Rib Pains (At the back now), Repeated failure in getting the Urology problem solved, Catheter in and out more often than I have hot dinners, I’m struggling to keep it together. Nothing unusual here, though. Hehehe!

Fare Thee Well!

Inchcock: Sunday 20th November 2022

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Been up all night again! Now I’ve got the computer going again, Josie’s meals need prepping, and I feel I can sleep – ! I was feeling so slow-witted and tired suddenly. Everything is normal then!
At least I knew it was the morning this morning. humph!

Light-headed. heavy eye-lidded, and with a new (to me) style of viewpoint, I shall call it ‘Soddumall Sunday’, I pressed on with getting the Health Checks sorted… No wee-wee! No call to the Porcelain Throne, no Dizzy Dennis when I stood up from the computer; I’d been on for about six hours, none-stop… and; I genuinely felt I just wasn’t going to get all hot and bothered about anything!
And this was surprising, as I was in some discomfort from the trapping of the already burnt finger. It now has a bruise as well… well, two!
I waffled a little there, and I lost the plot; sorry about that.
The figures had come down.

I poddled out into the balcony and was greeted by the wind and rain. So, I took these photographicalisations through the window.
“I’m no fool!”. Well, I am really…

A few spaces in the Chestnut walk and end car parks this morning, I thought. Slowly it dawned on me that it is still only 01:30hrs.

The Red Van Man just will not give up that illegal parking space he seems to be making his own? Not that it matters, but there were a lot of white vehicles out there today.

I made a brew of Glengettie, and I got on the computer, and a text message came in at about 02:20hrs.
By 03:00hrs, I finally found my superlative new mobile phone. Well, my 1970 bought one. I heard the beeping noise when the text came in, but I just could not locate where it was. It had to be close for me to have heard it. I checked all my pockets and got down with the torch to look underneath the Hopewells 1966 broken, with doors hanging off dangerously cabinet, but it had not fallen underneath that.
I believe it was and that was the cause of this. As the day progressed, I saw more and more areas of the carpet mainly, that looked like they had water running along them. Looked in the wet room, junk room and kitchen without any success. So I gave up.

Into the kitchen to make another brew of tea, Thompson’s Punjana, this time.
Checked the potatoes on the oven to go in Josie’s nosh and took a look out of the window now the rain had stopped.
I looked at the balcony and saw the mobile phone lying on the duckboards!.

Got the spuds sliced and put them into the oven

Back to the computer. leaving it every few minutes to make sure the meal is going on alright. I’m going to have to get my head down when … Hello…
Cutting this short now. Just got to get some sleep; not feeling well at all.
Carer Jozeph arrived.

Split the chillie into two bowls and added potatoes to one of them, and a bit of basil. Can’t see well at all now; what’s going on?
The potatoes looked and tasted okay.

Missing stuff off, sorry.

Caught the burnt and bruised finger on the saucepan lid ring.
May have swore.
Then cleaning the first saucepan, I tore the scab off of the finger. put a plaster on.

Saved some spuds and ate a few

Wee-weeing is back in fashion… not half!

Made up Josie’s meals tray, though it looked okay. Been a grind getting it done today, but felt a smidge smug about my struggles and efforts.
Had to be careful taking it out and to Josie’s front door cause I was having a visit from Shaking Shaun and feared dropping the whole caboodle on the floor. Haha!
Proudly rang the bell… Five minutes later, I rang it again. No reply. Now I was in a pickle. Worried about if she was poorly. Stayed ringing the bell a few more times in case she was in the shower. Half an hour later, I gave up.

Now how can I sleep now? Fretting over the gal. Has she gone out with her Sister again and not told me?

Now WordPress, Windows CorelDraw or something keeps telling me messages about my being out of space on the computer??? I was pissed off and ridden!

At last, sleep, peace, escape from the fretting and mental nitpicking and panicking… Great!

Kiya, I think, woke me up… it was a foggy memory in the morning; nothing scribbled on the notepad, and no recollectionings either?

I must have drifted off again when Kiya left… So did get some much-needed sleep… I assume!